Chapter Twenty Five:
"Please, Sara."
It hurt.
"Don't," she said.
"I want to come. I won't get in the way," he said. "I just want to come."
"Why?"
"Cause it's my child! Cause that is part of me and you and please Sara."
She rubbed her temple.
"Grissom, don't. You wouldn't be here if I wasn't pregnant."
"I wanted to. I just didn't want to come between you and Brass. He went overboard when he found out he was your father. I can understand. He loves you…as much as I do."
"Stop," she whispered.
He stepped forward.
"I thought I would give him some time to get used to being a father but then what he said held some truth. I am much older than you. I wasn't sure about starting a family…it's not that I
wasn't willing to try. I was just afraid of disappointing you. I got scared. The old fears came back and I thought that perhaps he was right. I watched a woman not much older than you after
she had lost her husband from a heart attack. I saw us…I didn't want that for you. My father died of a heart attack. He just went to sleep on the couch one day and never woke up. "
It was the first he had ever told her anything so personal.
She waivered but then she remembered the pain she had felt as she stood there in the parking lot while he ripped out her heart.
"It wasn't your choice! You and Brass didn't care about how I felt! You just made your decision and…" She stopped. "This isn't getting us anywhere. I'm tired and I need to shower."
"I'm sorry. I won't keep you any longer," he said as he turned and started to leave.
He stopped when she began to cry.
"Sara?"
Her hands were on her abdomen and he was there suddenly.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
She said nothing but kept her hands firmly in place.
"Sara?"
"Butterflies," she whispered. "They said it would feel like butterflies…it does."
"You felt the baby?" he asked quickly.
She nodded. "I felt our baby Grissom."
It was the first time she had not used the word, mine.
He grabbed her taking her into his arms.
She tried to pull away but he refused to let go.
She felt the wetness on his cheek.
She gulped.
She had never seen him cry.
She didn't want to now.
"Don't."
"I love you Sara…love you so much," he said.
"Let me go," she said.
"Punish me," he said. "I deserve it but please don't cut me out of your life…don't keep the baby from me."
"This isn't punishment. It's done. It's finished."
He hated that word.
"You mean it?"
"Yes, I do."
"What do we do about this?" he asked as he placed his trembling hand on the slight bulge.
"Mine."
"Ours."
"Five months," she said. "This baby is mine until five months."
"Sara…"
"I'm tired Grissom."
"The ultrasound..."
"No."
"What time?"
"No."
"I'll meet you there. What time?"
"No."
"I'll sit and just watch. Nothing more. What time?"
"9:00 am" she said not sure why she was telling him.
"9:00 am," he said. "I'll be there."
She threw her hands up in the air as she headed to the bedroom.
He stood there and watched as she grabbed her robe and then stepped into the bathroom.
The shower turned on and he stood there unsure what to do.
she didn't tell me to leave...
I'm not...
I can't...
Minutes later she returned and pulled down the bed sliding beneath the covers.
He quietly walked into the bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed.
"You didn't eat," he said.
"I picked up something before I came home," she said.
He sat there for a moment in silence.
"9:00 am Dr. Randal's office," she said. "I have two hours. I need an hour of sleep."
"Sorry."
He sat there and stroked her hair.
It felt good.
She told herself to tell him to leave.
Of course she doubted he would listen.
She was tired.
His hands were gentle and the soft strokes lulled her to sleep.
She curled up and instinctively reached for him.
He swiped at his eyes and then kissed her gently on the lips.
Small steps…
Very small steps…
He woke her in an hour.
She pulled herself up and grimaced.
She was still tired.
She had not been sleeping well.
He stood there and waited until she entered the living room.
She noticed he held his keys in his hand.
"You ready?" he asked.
"You can go. I'll meet you there," she said.
"I thought I would drive you."
They stared at one another.
She bit down on her lower lip to avoid the urge to yell at him.
She was too tired to argue at the moment.
She sat there across from him and said nothing even though he attempted several conversations.
She couldn't talk at the moment.
Her nerves were knotted and when they arrived, she felt her stomach revolt.
"Nerves?" he asked.
She nodded.
"It's going to be alright," he said softly.
"You…don't know that," she said.
He took her hand and held it tight as they sat down and waited.
Let go of his hand Sara...
Don't let him think you've forgiven him...
She couldn't let go.
She was scared.
She had never been this scared in her life not even when she hid from John Sidle.
As soon as her name was called, she was up out of the chair and his hand sought hers again.
She felt awkward as she lay there.
"Let's see what we have here," said the technician. "You want to know the sex?"
"Yes," she said.
"Okay, let's see if it cooperates."
She watched as the technician moved the wand around on her abdomen taking measurements.
She stopped for a second and then slid it back.
She glanced at Sara and then continued gliding from side to side.
"What's wrong?" asked Sara suddenly.
"Nothing," said the technician.
Sara looked at Grissom.
"Something is wrong," she said. "You keep taking photos of the baby, why?"
"The babies are fine," she said.
"Babies?" asked Grissom suddenly.
"Twins," said the technician.
She was given a paper bag to keep from hyperventilating.
"I'll get the doctor," said the technician to Grissom.
She disappeared while Sara struggled with the news.
"Nothing is wrong," he whispered as he kissed her on the forehead. "Just twins."
"Twins!" she yelled. "I'm still trying to get used to one!"
"We have twins," grinned Grissom.
"This is not funny!" she yelled.
"No, it's not. We're going to have twins, Sara," he smiled.
She heaved in and out of the bag.
"Nice steady breaths," he reminded her.
Dr. Randal stepped into the room.
"Sara, how are you doing?"
"Not good," she said.
The doctor smiled. "Let me take a look," she said.
She took the wand and slid it over Sara's abdomen. "Here's the first one. He's small."
"A boy," said Grissom.
"Now, here's the other one," she said "This one is a…"
"A what?" asked Sara.
"Not being cooperative," said Dr. Randal.
"Then it's a girl," said Grissom. "It's most definitely a girl."
The doctor smiled, "He's right, it's a girl."
"A boy and a girl?" asked Sara.
"That's right," she said with a smile.
"Sara…Sara stop doing that, you're going to hyperventilate!" warned Grissom.
She sat there numbly while Grissom gathered up the information about twins.
He asked question after question while she sat there and tried to remember when her life had gone out of control.
"Sara?"
She turned and looked at him.
"We're home," he said.
"Home?"
"Your apartment," he said.
"Oh."
She opened the door and got out but he was already there by her side.
He took the keys from her hands and unlocked the apartment.
"Lie down," he said.
She did.
She grabbed her blanket and curled up on the couch.
"I'll fix you something to eat," he offered.
She didn't listen.
She was already asleep.
He picked up the phone and called Brass.
"She let you go?"
"Yes."
"Is it a boy or a girl?"
"A boy….and a girl."
"What?"
"Twins."
He began to chuckle as Grissom did the same.
"How is she?"
"Sleeping. She's shell shocked."
"Don't leave her!" Brass said.
"I'll let her sleep for awhile but she needs to eat."
"I'll pick up something and bring it," he offered.
"That would be good. I'm kind of tired myself," said Grissom.
"Is she okay…really?"
"Blood pressure was a little up and she's anemic but she and the babies are good. I have a video and photos."
"You do?"
"Yes."
"You think she should work tonight?"
"I'll see how she's feeling," he said. "She's still angry…pissed would be the operative word here."
"You think she'll see me?" asked Brass.
"Small steps," said Grissom.
"Gil?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks."
She didn't want to wake up but as soon as she smelled the veggie burger and fries, she pulled herself up.
She was not thrilled to see Brass.
"I brought your favorite," he said.
She glanced at Grissom and her eyes darkened.
"Sit down and eat," he said softly.
She sat down at the table and tried to ignore the two while she ate.
"How are you feeling?" asked Brass.
"Good," she said.
He was relieved she even answered.
"Sara…" began Brass.
"Don't."
She stood and put the plate in the sink as she turned to face both of them.
"I need air," she said as she hurried past them and disappeared into the bedroom only to return in sweats and running shoes.
The men looked at one another.
"You think that's wise?" asked Grissom. "The anemia…"
She was out the door before he could finish the statement.
"She's still pissed," said Brass.
"Yes she is but at least she hasn't drawn her gun on either of us," said Grissom.
"Where does she keep it? We could hide it," said Brass.
Grissom grinned.
"I'm not sure she's happy about the twins," said Brass.
"She's scared," said Grissom. "I think she was prepared to raise one on her own but two…she's scared."
"We could use this to our advantage," said Brass.
Grissom frowned.
She made it to the end of the block and stopped.
She had no energy to be jogging but she needed to get away.
She could not stay there and see them.
She was still hurt from their actions and needed to resolve those feelings.
She stood there and panted as she stared down at the ground.
She glanced back at the apartment complex and saw their vehicles were still there.
She knew that the park was nearby but she had not planned to go that far.
She thought they would leave.
They didn't.
Now, she was stuck.
Go back and face them…
Get to the park and sit there until I can walk back…
She chose the park.
Any other day, she could jog to the park within minutes but now with the pregnancy her strength and stamina were lagging.
She knew it was the anemia.
Of course, the strain of their situation did not help things.
Her heart wanted to accept Grissom but her head told her to beware.
He had been willing to toss her aside at the request of Brass.
He comes running back after he found out I was pregnant…
She found an empty bench and sat down.
She would have been happy to lie down on it and sleep but then the thought of germs and vandals and rapists and muggers came to mind.
She chose to sit there.
Her thoughts were now on the twins.
Why did this have to happen?
Why twins?
They think everything is fine…
It's not…
I was a twin…
I survived…
My brother didn't…
A girl and a boy…
The boy is small…
He probably won't survive…
But then the girl is small also…
What if I lose them both?
Note from author:
I know I am throwing in another twist…sorry. Be kind and leave a review.
Take care,
Penny