…………………………………………………………………………………………

Chapter Twenty-Five:

When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on - Franklin D. Roosevelt

…………………………………………………………………………………………

Sunday 10/11/18

Gaara was in early for the first time in weeks. I was happy to see him, and bounded up from the couch to hug him.

He surprised me by kissing me full on the mouth and holding me close. He was worried about something, I could see, very worried. He kissed me again roughly.

I look up at him, concerned. "Gaara, what's wrong?"

I didn't catch his response, but I let him wrap his arms around me and we sat on the couch together for a long while.

Something was very, very wrong.

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

Midnight

I couldn't sleep, once I knew Gaara was asleep (which takes a very, very VERY long time, I've learned. Gaara hardly sleeps before me, that just proves something's weird), I decided to screw his non-outside rules, and rugged up and crawled onto the roof. It was cool, and for the first time in what seemed like ages I got to stare at the stars.

The breeze made my sad excuse for a pony-tail swirl gently around my face. And once I was alone, the concern for Gaara overwhelmed me, I'd never seen him like this. He was scared, Gaara is never scared. I lay down on the roof, on my back, so I could stare at the sky.

For what seemed like ages, everything was silent. Even my thinking had stopped, and then small thoughts crawled back into my head, at first I ignored them, but they were like biting flies, they left itches that I wished I could scratch, but knew I had no hope of.

What was Naruto doing? Had he forgotten all about me, completely? A bit of me was starting to miss him. I was so alone here, all I had was Kankuro. And even thought we occasionally got along, it wasn't in the same way that Naruto had been my friend.

I'd kill to have Sasuke here too, somebody to talk too, even if he didn't always respond. Somebody that could practically read my mind without even trying.

Same with Shika, and even thought Sakura would get on my nerves, I wished she was here too. Even Kakashi or Iruka, despite the fact they're like a billion years older then me… and Kakashi has way too many dirty books.

Or Kimimaro, actually, of all people I'd wish right about now to see Kimimaro most. What did he ever do to me? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. He has never hurt me in any way, ever.

There was no way I could go and visit, not now. I'd have to wait until the Wedding. Ahh, I'm being stupid, I thought to myself. Serious, I have Gaara, isn't that all I thought I'd ever need? And it's all I do need. He is all I need.

A small thought entered my mind, it itched more then the others. But is it all you want?

I felt like slapping that thought, how greedy could I be? Is it all I want?! What else could I want? I mean, so, I don't get to go outside often. And all my friends probably hate me, actually, well, Naruto and Sakura at least… Kimimaro has the right to hate me, but I have this feeling he doesn't.

But I've got everything I ever wanted here. Everything! For how long have I wanted desperately to just be here with Gaara, like old times? Like when we were in year 10 and still insane and we both still had a bit of that rounded-face look, now I look back at it, and we ate so much horrible food, and played Mario party for hours and hours.

So why wouldn't I be completely absolutely happy here? It's everything I always wanted. I wanted it to be like it was, and now I should be content to just lay back and enjoy the greatness. Plus, in two years, I'll be able to go back to Uni, maybe even in Konoha, and get a job.

I am happy here. It's just like I wanted, I wanted things to be like they were, and they are… just in Suna. And with political careers.

………………………………………………………………………………………….

Sunday 11/11/18

It rained today. Rain. Gaara was gone in the morning, and as soon as I heard the sound of that Rain a-pourin' I forgot everything, the concern, the confusion and the fact I'm not supposed to be outside. Again. Well, technically I really wasn't, I was out the back kitchen door. Which can't really be counted as outside.

I had rushed outside without a second thought, as everyone else strove to escape the huge droplets of water. And just stood there. I'm not a big fan of rain, I mean, I do love it, and it is great when combined with hot-cocoa and tin roofs, but in Suna, when it was such a rare occurrence, really, I loved it.

And so I sat there until I was totally saturated, and laughed. This was a reminder of home, of a better time. When I hated rain because it meant I couldn't go outside.

"Sorano! Gaara will kill you if he see's you outside!" I look up and smiled at Kankuro, who was leaning over the covered balcony three stories above me smoking.

"Kankuro! Get your fat ass down here and enjoy the rain! How often does this happen?"

"Who cares?" he yelled back.

"Absolutely nobody!" I cried back, laughing.

And he grinned too, and disappeared. In the end, he didn't come out to visit, but I stayed out there in the rain until I was so cold my fingers were turning blue, and it was almost night.

When I got back, all Gaara did was hand me a towel, and say "Sora, I swear, I'm about to throw you in jail if you go outside again." Somewhere deep inside, I knew he wasn't joking.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

Monday 12/11/18

Today, Gaara came in happy. He seemed less worried then he had been in the past few days. The fear I had been worried about was slowly subsiding, Gaara seemed to have sorted out his problem.

I took a wild guess. "Is Ataksuki not bullying you anymore?"

"They weren't bullying us." He muttered, making himself some coffee.

I sat on the bench top next to him, swinging my legs. "Of course they were, they were just threatening to kidnap and kill various people." I say in a light voice.

He gives me a sharp look, and I look curiously back. "What-How-….' He trailed off, realizing I didn't know why he was shocked. Shaking his head, he went and sat down.

"They've stopped asking, I haven't heard from them in a while, so it's a relief, but …"

"It's like having a spider in your room, once you know it's there, you'd rather be able to see it." I cut him off, trying to find a way I'd understand what he was saying.

He smiled slightly. "I guess." Then his smile broadened. "You have weird ways of putting things."

I look at him and blink a few times. "Noo… I just have experience in that particular area."

He laughs again, and unable, once again, to stay far away from him when he laughs, I leaned over to kiss him, and for once, he enthusiastically kissed me back. My lips twitched up into a smile, but I didn't break away until the need to breath was so much that I was turning slightly purple.

………………………………………………………………………………………….

Wednesday 14/11/18

Gaara's good mood didn't last long. Today, he stormed in like a crazy man.

"Fucking stupid little bastards…" and he threw off his heavy Kazekage gear, and stormed like a storm cloud into the shower, destroying various vases as he went.

I just answered "NICE TO SEE YOU TOO, LOVE!" and he swore at me, the bastard.

When he came storming out, he looked really angry, still. Usually showers wash his anger all off.

I look concerned. "What happened?" I asked, taking over the coffee-making, as he had already broken the handle off one mug, and I decided I wasn't going to risk another.

He leant on the bench to steady his shaking. "They're fighting dirty," he muttered. "They are just-," he brought his fist down on the bench. I hadn't seen him this angry in a long while.

Hesitantly, I put my hand on his cheek, he stiffened, but then sighed and relaxed, looking down still pre-occupied with whatever happened, I carried his coffee over to the table, and sat him down on the couch, curled up next to him, put his arms around me, and then told him stories.

I told him stories he'd know, ones that happened because we were there. Ones about swimming in eel-infested lakes, and getting lemon juice in our eyes and breaking into houses and how it was actually me who broke the curtain rail in Kankuro's room that time.

Eventually, I felt him relax more and more, and I entwined out fingers together, and kissed the back of his hand.

"I love you." I whispered, I don't even know if he heard me, but we stayed like that for a while. I looked up later, and he was sleeping. I knew I had no hope of carrying him to the bed, so I just moved him so he at least looked comfortable, and turned off the lights and gave him a blanket. Knowing I couldn't sleep in the other room, knowing he was in here, I curled up on a chair next to the sofa.

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

Thursday 15/11/18

He was there when I woke up, watching me with questioning eyes.

"I've never fallen asleep before you before." He said quietly, I hoped this was wrong, seeing as then there are quite a few times that he would have known I've gone outside.

I shrug. "You've never been more emotionally unstable then me before." I grin.

"Sorano," oh dear. I knew something serious was happening. He added the 'no' to the 'Sora'. "Will you promise me something. And mean it this time, seriously."

I frown. "It depends."

"I mean it, really, no matter how angry or irrational you get, you need to keep this."

"I can't if you don't tell me," I sniff. "And I'm never irrational."

He ignores the last comment, and continues. "Promise me you won't go outside. Mean it this time."

He seemed so genuinely hanging on my answer, it was like he was asking, almost pleading, that this time I had to mean it. I nod. "I promise. No more outside."

He nods slowly. "Good," and immediately gets up. "Now, I have to go."

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

Friday 16/11/18

So today, as Gaara ordered- well, the only reason I'm complying is that this time he didn't order, actually. He asked. So I'll do it, but only for him, not for my safety. Because I think my safety is pretty much guaranteed wherever I go. Well, life-safety anyway.

Not things like bone-safety or brain-safety or just general physical-safety. I can agree that one day I'm going to drag myself back with my chin because all my limbs will be broken, buuuuuuuut, I still won't be dead.

…………………………………………………………………………………….......

11:27(pm)

Gaara came in at about ten, angry and worried as before, to my immense personal concern, he kissed me in the desperate-kind of way. Like he had a while back. It made me scared again.

Before I could voice my concerns, he was already undoing the back of my bra under my shirt, sighing mentally, since his mouth still covered mine, I decided I would just wait until later to ask what has been bothering him so much.

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

Saturday 17/11/18

All last night, he didn't sleep, I could tell, he lay curled around me, and I laced my fingers with his, despite the face his breath on my back was causing goosebumps to rise all over my arms, I couldn't focus enough away from my worry to enjoy the bubbles in my stomach.

His lips pressed gently on my back, this I couldn't ignore, and I shivered slightly. Figuring we both knew the other was awake, I turned in his grasp, and kissed him full on the mouth. Pressing myself to him with all the force I had.

When we broke apart, breathing heavily, I couldn't further his worry, I decided I had to do my job of just plain old making him smile, and decided to opt for the distraction method.

I held his face between my hands, and traced around his eyes with my thumb. "Do you remember," I whispered. "When we were sixteen… and we used to stay up all night playing super-old video games?" my voice was small, and just a bit breathless, he was silent, and I touched my forehead to his and rested it there.

I felt him nod slightly.

"And remember, how we went swimming that one time… it was absolutely freezing. And then there were eels." I chuckled slightly. "And we used to sit by the lake a lot. And when it snowed, we'd have snowfights. But you'd always win, because you could reach up and shake tree branches… so I'd just be covered."

It was his turn to chuckle slightly, but there was still that slight… fear in his voice. It worried me so much, I had to swallow hard and control myself so I didn't start to cry.

"And in English… I kept daydreaming. Usually about Vanilla Coke." I closed my eyes, letting the verbal memories just pour out. "And I'd drool all over my page. And it was disgusting. And there was that one time that Sasuke and Naruto caught me singing 'Uptown Girl'… you came over that day too, you know what they were trying to do? They were trying to convince me to come on that stupid holiday. That's why he kept asking me out."

"You have no idea how much I wanted to hit him." Gaara said in a low voice.

"I think I did." I answered, surprised he had spoken.

"No, you didn't." he smiled slightly, I felt the shift in his facial position. "If you had have said yes, I think I would have been forced to tell you right then and there that there is no way I'd let you date him."

I smiled too. "Defensivee."

"I know."

I kiss him gently. "Don't worry, please."

"About what?"

"I don't know."

"Good." He answered, and kissed me back.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

HELLO ALL. I promise, change is about to happen. Promisey promise promise.

LOVE. YOU. SO. VERY. VERY. MUCH. :D

Love, to-love.