Hey everyone...
So. That last chapter I wrote?
I'll admit it.
I was disappointed by a lot of the reviews, and I totally lost all my confidence in this story.
In both this story and Divide and Conquer.
I don't even have the motivation to write out responses to you guys.
But, while a majority of you brightened my day... I just didn't feel like I lived up to your expectations. And that's hard for me to take.
I'm sorry.
I'll make it up next chapter or something.
Oh and... Stay tuned at the end of the chapter.
Enjoy.
Pre-Chapter Glimpse:
TESSA'S POV
The first sign should've been the fatigue.
Or maybe the mood swings.
Or maybe even the tenderness I felt in my entire body.
In fact, there were a hundred symptoms that I should have caught on to, but I didn't.
Which is why I didn't think much of the fact that, during a typical Thursday morning, after I met Clary and Isabelle for coffee and breakfast, I was kneeling in an alleyway, my stomach purging itself over and over.
Great, I thought. The fucking flu. Perfect fucking timing. Just what I need right now.
I mean, the flu made sense. My body ached, I was tired a lot, my head hurt.
Why would throwing up change the game?
It changed everything.
Actual Chapter:
WILL'S POV
Tessa was curled into me on the drive home that night. The heaters were on full blast; the icy rain had pelted through our clothing, leaving a chill bone-deep in both me and Tessa.
We were both quiet; enveloped in a silence that only we could find comfort in. It was a silence that held the weight of the situation we had put ourselves in, a silence that should have brought a bombardment of questions and doubts in each other, yet it didn't.
What did that mean for our relationship?
I desperately hoped it would be more than...this. More than just drinking alcohol to have a good time. We had always been able to have a good time on our own, though the bite of alcohol never hurt to had to the heist of getting off to each other.
"Will?" Tessa's soft voice broke through the silence.
I briefly glanced down at her. She was blinking groggy grey eyes at me. "Yes?"
She grimaced, her eyebrows drawing together as she sat up. "I'm tired."
I chuckled. "I am too. Do you want to go back and - "
"Yes," she answered automatically, not even allowing me to finish. She lay down again, resting her head in my lap.
I smiled sadly at her, trying not to think too much about the month we spent apart. I tried not to reflect on the hell I was put through on trying to move past what happened. But how was I expected to do that when Tessa was the only person who stuck around to help me through my problems?
I guess you should've thought twice about who you decided to associate with, and whether or not I would find out...
I'll apologize for invading your personal space, but I'm glad I know now. You've shown your true colors...
You promised. And it didn't mean that much to you, because you broke it as soon as temptation came along...
I'll always love you, Will.
You are my one and only love, Will. Mine, forever and always...
I figured out who I was because of you, and now I feel that there is no me without you...
You know me better than I know myself. I hated you for it sometimes, or I thought I did. But, in reality, it was one of the many things I loved about our relationship...
And I don't know how I'm going to recover from this...
Goodbye, Will.
Tessa's words swirled through my mind, lodging themselves into my heart and splintering the already-fragile heart in my chest. I could barely contain the emotion swelling in my throat.
Before I could dwell too much on the past, Tessa's soft snoring broke through my dismal thoughts. I glanced down at her and smiled in spite of myself. Her hair was draped across my lap, her face resting on her hands. She looked so young and innocent like that, like a child. But her smudged makeup told me otherwise, as did her thickly covered eyelashes brushing her cheekbones. And, of course, Tessa herself, and everything we had experienced together.
I carried Tessa up the stairs of my lake house, cradling her like a child. I hoped I wouldn't wake her up. When I got to my room, I lay her gently down on my bed. I considered undressing her so she'd be more comfortable, but I thought that might be weird. So I lay down beside her, still in my clothes, and fell asleep beside her.
TESSA'S POV
Light pierced through the window, and, evidently, through my closed eyelids. I slowly pried them open, squinting against the brightness. I turned my head slightly, finding Will folded around me, his back to my chest, his knees behind the backs of my knees, his head resting in the nook between my neck and my shoulder. For a moment,* I smile and lean back into him, relishing in the feel of his warmth.
Despite the pounding in my head, I felt... happy. When was the last time I felt this way?
Before I left Will.
God, I missed him.
"What are you thinking about?" he murmured suddenly, the vibrations of his voice tickling my shoulder, his lips brushing my bare skin, where he had pushed away my shirt. The break of silence made me jump, bringing a smile to Will's pouty mouth. "Yes, I'm awake, too."
I wiggled in his arms, twisting so I could face him. "I was just thinking about how much I missed you."
He raised his head, his eyes fluttering open.
By the Angel.
I missed how indescribably blue his eyes were in the morning.
He grinned at me, then rolled over so I was pinned beneath him. "What are you saying, Tess?"
I smirked. "Nothing at all. Are you implying you want something, Will?"
His grin widened, and he leaned down to brush a teasing kiss against my lips. "Only if you do."
He trailed his hands down my body, stopping at my midsections, where he tickled me. I squirmed beneath him, giggling uncontrollably, when he stopped. I opened my eyes to see him looking down at me in wonder. I lay, panting, when he pressed his lips to mine. Just as his fingers were working on the buttons of his shirt that I wore, my stomach grumbled.
Grrrrrrr.
I flushed, humiliated, and threw my hands over my face as Will laughed. He tugged on my hands. "It's okay, Tess. I'm hungry, too."
I groaned. "But I want to do this now," I whined.
He grinned and kissed my cheek. "Yeah, me too. But we can do this whenever we want. So come on. We'll go make some pancakes. And you can put your precious peanut butter on them."
I scowled at him. "Are you mocking me?"
His smile widened, his eyes glittering with mischief. "I would never mock you."
Will and I tiptoed downstairs, him in a t-shirt and sweats, and me in just one of his t-shirts. We weren't expecting anyone else awake at nine in the morning, but as we rounded the corner, we were surprised to see all of our friends gathered there, talking quietly. Jem stood with Magnus in the kitchen, cooking...something; Cecily, Gabriel, Sophie, and Gideon sat at the dining room table; Clary, Jace, Isabelle, and Simon were gathered in bar stools at the bar.
And they all swiveled toward me and Will when they heard us come downstairs. And they all clapped. And cheered.
Magnus looked amused. "Does this mean we can all move one with our lives now that you two won't be moping around?"
I turned to face Will, who stood beside me. He looked at me as well. We shared identical looks of surprise; lips parted, eyes wide. We hadn't really discussed what our relationship was. I knew that last night I had decided I wanted to get back together, but now that I was sober...
"We don't exactly know where our relationship stands at the moment," Will answered suddenly, breaking through my thought process, his eyes never leaving my face.
"Oh, for Angel's sake you guys!" Cecily cried.
I turned the full force of my glare on her. She cringed away. Isabelle laughed, obviously impressed.
Jem coughed to make the situation lighter. "Does anyone want pancakes?"
Everyone jumped up then, but I glanced at Will, knowing we had the same thought. He pulled me along by my arm, toward the back room where he had told me he loved me for the first time. He shut and locked the door behind us, turning slowly to look at me.
"Tess, we really need to figure this out," he said quietly in a measured tone.
"We still have a lot to figure out, Will," I said to him.
"I know," he replied, not meeting my eyes. "I just hate admitting it."
I sighed. "Yeah, me too. It's just... I'm leaving to go back home in two days. Is it really best for us to be tied down over the summer if it risks something happening to get between us?"
Now he did meet my eyes. Fire burned behind them. "Tess, I don't think I could ever bring myself to cheat on you. A couple of months won't change that mindset. I didn't cheat on you the nine months we were together. I didn't get with any other girl when we split up. I'm not going to start now. Not after last night."
I bit my lip. "How about we go without the label for a bit, okay? That way, if something were to happen, we don't have any legitimate reason to 'call things off.' But we can still talk and act like we were before."
Raw pain flashed across his features. "Is that what you want? Is there someone else, Tessa?"
I felt my eyes widen. "No! Not at all, Will! There's only you. But I'm just taking precautions right now. You know I love you."
He pinched the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut. "How long would this last?"
I shrugged. "I don't know. Presumably until I return to London."
Slowly, Will nodded. "Fine. If this is the only way I can have you right now, then okay. I'll take it any way that I can."
I smiled sadly at him, stepping toward him and wrapping my arms around him. "We're going to be okay."
One of his hands rested in my hair at the back of my head; the other pressed against the small of my back. I loved being held like this; it made me feel safe.
Suddenly, he sighed. "Do you really have to leave in two days?"
I nodded but didn't look up. "Yes. All the exchange kids are leaving to go back on the same day. That includes half our group out there."
He sighed again. "We're going to talk every day. Got it?"
"Of course. Going a month without talking was hard enough."
"Yes, it was. I'm not doing that again."
A sudden thought popped into my mind, and I pulled back to look at Will. "Will? Did you send me that invitation?"
Will grinned adorably. "Yes. I figured you'd be more likely to come if you had an invitation, instead of just hear-say."
"You figured correctly. I was hesitant to come even with the invitation. But you didn't make that invitation. No way you made that invitation."
He shook his head. "No, I got someone to make a single one, and then had Isabelle deliver it to you."
I raised my eyebrows. "Was that someone Magnus Bane?"
He smiled. "You know me well."
I returned his smile, standing on my toes and pressing my lips to his. Because, for now, everything was okay between us. That's all I could ask for.
Precisely two days later, I stood in the airport, apart from the small group that was Isabelle, Simon, Clary, Jace, and Alec. Not because Alec and I had some trust issues to work out with us, we had gotten over that, but because I stood beside Will, unwilling and reluctant to leave his side. I clutched his hands in mine like a lifeline.
It sucked, knowing we just now sorted things out, and now I was leaving and couldn't see him again until I returned to school for our senior year.
Three months from now.
"Tessa?" Will was saying.
I shook my head mentally to break myself from my reverie. "Yes, Will?"
"You'll be careful? You'll be safe?"
"Of course I will. Don't worry," I said, smiling for reassurance.
"Good," he leaned down and kissed my nose. "And, unfortunately, it's time for you to go through security. This is as far as I can take you."
Feeling crushed, I glanced over my shoulder to see the small group looking at us sadly, looking ready to go through security. I slowly turned back to Will. This was just an until next time, so why did it feel like goodbye?
"Are you going to be okay?" I breathed, my gaze shifting between his eyes, sorting through all his emotions.
He shook his head. "Don't worry. I'll be okay. We'll both be okay."
I gnawed at my lip. "This is harder than I imagined it would be," I admitted, trying to ignore the lump in my throat from the exertion of choking back tears and the squeezing of my heart.
Will's pouty lips parted as he sighed. He leaned down and pressed a firm, lingering kiss against my lips. When he pulled away his eyes were shining with tears. "Go get 'em, tiger. Call me when you land, alright? And text me when you reach your gate and when you board."
I nodded. "I'll text you every step of the way. Because we're in this together."
He genuinely smiled then. "Whether you like it or not, you're my girlfriend. We'll be fine."
I took a deep breath, nodded, and released him, taking hold of my bags. Just as I turned away, Will caught my arm and kissed me once more, more passionately. His tongue traced my lips before he broke away from me and stepped back.
And then I left, and, in a matter of minutes, I had made it through security and was no longer able to see Will. Without looking back, I made way straight to my gate and left London.
I'M TOTALLY HALF-KIDDING. I HAVE ALL THE RESPONSES HERE. I did lose some confidence for a bit, that's why it took a bit to update, but I've regained it and I'm back in the game!
By the way, I apologize for the length of the chapter. It just seemed like a good place to cut it off because of what the next chapter picks up from.
So! Enjoy the responses here at the end of the chapter:
The-Finale-Hope: Haha don't die! And don't be scared. It's dramatic, but not scary. I bet you can guess.
tessaherondale87: Yay! I'm glad it was better.
infinitemaddys/combatbootchic12: Haha I LOVE BOOM CLAP! And yeah, I wouldn't wear those boots ever again either. I feel your pain on that one.
RayOfSunshineXOXO: I considered getting Tessa involved in an abusive relationship, but I actually have a much better plot twist planned for her. Care to guess what it is? And the story won't close yet... not for a while... Enjoy the Wessa that is to come. :)
TessaElsaHerondale: This review made me happy. Thank you so so so so so so much! For everything you said in this review. It made my day. You are amazing... I cannot express my gratitude enough.
SilverCarstairs (Guest): Oh hey there! Not like I wasn't just talking to you a few hours ago haha. GO CASCADA! I thought I was the only person who liked them.
Haha shattered! No no! Don't be shattered! Not when you smell like coconut shampoo! But I'm glad to hear that you have never laughed at a funeral. Because that would be bad. But yes... I forget to breath sometimes. I choke on my saliva, but I'm starting to think I'm choking on my American accent...
Gotta love Jem and his un/cockblocking self. I love Jem so much! (This is when I really wish for Emojis that my damn phone has. Just for you, I explained the invitation situation. :)
Guest: Haha thank you! I hope you continue to enjoy the story!
Morning and Eve: AHHHH! I feel like I hardly hear from you anymore. Haha if I choose to go to Australia any time soon, you can shake my shoulders as hard as you'd like then! Okay?! And I'll give you my own published book then in hopes of making you smile more!
I LOVED THE TFIOS reference. It's flawless. It's an honor that you think it would be a pleasure to have your heart broken by MY words. HAHA. Nice pun. It's great, actually.
Jagnus! Gotta love them. And Jem won't be making wine ever again. Not after that catastrophe.
I liked writing the original, but that one is a lot more, ah, detailed when it comes to the sexy parts... So yeah.
Enjoy everything! My next update, my blog, life, everything! :)
bow down to me peasants: They were apart about a month.
The Pale Red Queen: Thank you so much! It's such an honor hearing that from you, because I greatly admire your writing! Everything in this review made me so so happy... Thank you so incredibly much. :) For everything!
AmityClary2020: Haha! I'm glad to make you speechless in a good way. :)
The Iron Sister: Thank you :) I'm so glad you loved it! Of course, Tessa is an idiot, especially when it comes to Will. But... I'm glad I decided to make her come to her senses as well. Sorry I made you wait so long for the next update!
Marthia: Because of your review I decided to give them the unlabeled relationship. It'll make more sense when I update again.
Bookthief1317: Thank you! :)
thebooknerd (Guest): Thank you... I'm speechless. Thank you so much. And I got the idea of the White-Out party from this high school I used to go to. During basketball games, they would have themes that students could follow and get into the game for free. And for homecoming my freshman year, they had a Glow-In-The-Dark themed dance, and a lot of people wore white and it was SOOO COOL! So yeah, that's where that idea came from. Yeah, I made that connection too when I was writing it. That's what I thought of.
And as for Will... Well, it'll all come together in the next few chapters. You'll see what happens, and it'll all make sense. :) I LOVE THAT SONG TOO! :)
Pink herondale (Guest): Yay! I'm so glad to hear that. :) I'm glad Wessa is now somewhat back together... It was tough writing them apart... Enjoy all my future updates. :)
...
*=Fun fact. I learned that a "moment" originated from the English, and it actually signified a period of time lasting for 90 seconds. So when someone said "I'll be a moment" it was basically saying "I'll be 90 seconds." There's a fun way to get technical.
Playlist:
Hard To Breathe-Nikki Flores
Alive-Krewella
Summertime Sadness-Lana Del Rey vs. Cedric Gervais
All of Me-John Legend
Tennis Court-Lorde
Latch-Disclosure Feat. Sam Smith
La La La-Naughty Boy Feat. Sam Smith
Soooooo yeah! :) I really hope you enjoyed the chapter. You know what to do! Read and review! Also, check out my website to see more of my writing. A few people from FanFiction have checked it out, and they've been SUPER AWESOME AND SUPPORTIVE! SO THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE! You know who you are! So PM for details if you're interested!
Also, I want to give two SUPER HUGE SHOUT-OUTS to Morning and Eve and SilverCarstairs. They are AWESOME and never fail to make me laugh or smile. They both leave on different continents than I do and they still manage to be as awesome and amazing as they are. So thank you so much to those to!
And a big fat thank you to all those who review! You guys make my day and have more of an impact on me than you think! :)
So! Until next time.. XOXO!
~Caitlyn :)