Disclaimer: Twilight and all of its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. The plot is mine…

A/N: Thank you for all of the lovely reviews. You have no idea how happy they make me. =) Shorter chapter because I felt like it needed to end where it did. Reviewers get a preview.

Chapter 23: Broken

"Fade Away" –Breaking Benjamin

It's hopeless, the end will come and wash it all away

Forsaken, I live for those I lost along the way

And I can't remember how it all began to play

I suffer, I live to fight and die another day.

…

The door slid shut and the sound of the music became a distant thump as I allowed this stranger to lead me away. I tried not to think about where he was taking me, or what I would do when we got there. I just let myself bathe in the brief feeling of knowing my actions were the cause of Edward's fury.

To receive any reaction from him felt like a blessing because his indifference scared me more than I cared to admit.

The guy—I realized I still didn't know his name—was leading me down the street to where I suspected his car to be. There were a few rogue partiers stumbling around, some puking in the bushes, while others were just about devouring each other's faces.

Once we rounded the corner, I noticed the lack of people, the lack of cars, but what I was really focused on was the lack of witnesses.

My pace slowed of its own accord as I had a moment of doubt.

"Come on," he said when he noticed my reluctance. "It's not that much farther."

I looked back, frowning in disappointment that no one was following us. I knew I hadn't imagined his anger, but maybe that just wasn't enough. I tried to conceal my expression with a smile, so large, so fake.

So empty.

"Ready?" he asked when I turned back around.

He was clearly leading me into the woods and even under the influence, my instincts were telling me to flee because this whole situation had bad idea written all over it. There was a great chance that I wouldn't leave this night unscathed.

But if he doesn't care what happens to me, then why should I?

"Sure," I replied, feeling my smile grow larger and more fake.

More empty.

The moonlight spilled through the canopy of trees, illuminating our path, but just barely. When we did stop, we were close enough to still hear the music, or at least the heavy beat of it, but far enough away that no one would hear us.

Or hear you scream, my mind added helpfully.

The guy seemed reluctant to release my hand, but once it became clear that I wasn't going to run away the moment he did, he let go. I watched him dig into his coat pockets, presumably to retrieve whatever it was he thought I needed.

I averted my gaze when I recalled my reaction to finding that small baggie full of drugs hidden under the seat in her truck and my stomach churned as my thoughts eventually rested on Charlie, namely how he would feel if he could see me now.

"So I'm not sure what you're looking for, but I've probably got it," he smiled confidently.

His hands were filled with little Ziploc bags of pills in all different sizes, forms, and colors. I'd imagine that he was the drug world's version of a candy man.

"The question is what do you want to feel? Or I guess, what don't you want to feel," he laughed.

I stared at his hands full of pills and plastic, and I couldn't help but picture those little colored pebbles as the rocks you'd find when you hit rock bottom.

Was that what this was? Rock bottom?

The drinking, the almost drowning, the cutting—had I really done those things? All in the name of what? Love? Worse than that, for a love that wasn't reciprocated?

I felt almost like a phantom, like I had drifted through this whole night feeling transparent things and just being transparent.

I don't know what it was—the seclusion, the opportunity, or that sickly sweet smile on his face, but this just didn't feel right. Doing this did feel like throwing myself into a hole I wouldn't be able to climb back up from.

Would I be like Alice, embracing fantasy and magic as I climbed down the rabbit hole?

No, I thought. No matter what feelings these pills could illicit, there wouldn't be anything wonderful about them. They would be just as hollow as my chest felt right now.

There wasn't much I had considered taboo since I woke up here, but somehow, I couldn't bring myself to do this.

My foolishness for following this guy out here to do whatever it is I had planned was so intense I was worried it would swallow me whole. Luckily, my cheeks were already too red from the alcohol for him to notice.

"So what'll it be?"

I looked from his gaze to the path we had walked along to get to this point, gauging whether I would be able to make it back without difficulty. As always, the odds weren't necessarily in my favor.

"I—I actually should get going," I managed to stutter out.

"I have other stuff in my pockets if none of this is what you're looking for. Let me just—" he began, but I cut him off.

"No, it's okay," I assured him as I took a couple steps back. "I'm sorry for wasting your time. I'm just gonna go…"

He was staring at me with furrowed brows, but otherwise hadn't made a move to stop me or speak, so I turned around and continued walking. I felt relieved as I came closer to the opening marked by the lack of closely packed trees.

I was thrown forward, my knees and palms scraping painfully along the ground as something suddenly connected with my backside. Winded from the impact and fall, I sucked in a long breath, trying to figure out what happened. The warmth of a body—a human body—pressed into my back, its weight pushing me into the ground painfully.

"What the…?" I mumbled into the grass.

"I know what you need," he said huskily into my neck.

I struggled, but I was so pinned to the ground that I could barely move.

"No…"

I felt his weight lift and I tried to escape, but his hold on me was still too strong. My limbs felt lethargic from all of the alcohol still buzzing in my system. He flipped us so that we were nose to nose, laying himself back on top of me and pinning me to the ground once more.

Wiggling my hand free, I raised it to strike his face. I couldn't move my knees, so his groin was safe. My only hope was hitting him hard enough that he'd have to roll off me.

"Always hard to get," he smirked as he grabbed my wrist and pressed it forcefully into the ground above my head, making me whimper in pain.

"I saw you in there, eyes closed as you moved to the music, there, but away from everyone. I offered you drugs because you looked so damn needy with that bottle in your hand, but even I could see that's not what you really needed."

"Get. Off. Me," I demanded through gritted teeth.

"You needed this," he huffed out as he thrust himself roughly between my legs.

I could feel him through my jeans and even my buzz couldn't dilute the pain, or fear that spiked through me. Flashes of James, Tyler, and Mr. Banner flitted behind my eyelids as I momentarily clenched my eyes shut.

"No! I don't want this! Get off me!" blind panic was beginning to overtake me as I thrashed.

"You want it. You're just too scared to ask for it. You need someone to take it," he smirked down at me.

It was too much. The feel of him, the helplessness, the fear, the pain. Heart beating so wildly that I was sure it would just stop from exhaustion. Lungs constricting with a lack of air.

I was breathless, but I still managed to scream. The sound died out as he covered my mouth with his, plunging his slimy tongue inside. With one hand he restrained mine, while his other groped forcefully at my chest.

I was being devoured and even as tears trailed relentlessly down my cheeks, I prayed for the numb to make the agony go away.

As if in answer to my muted prayers, the guy's weight was suddenly gone. Even with my newfound freedom, I could still almost feel his hands groping my skin, his tongue pressed into my mouth, and his body shoving into my jeans forcefully.

Disgusted and dirty, I couldn't stop the tears flowing from my eyes, or the strangled sobs escaping my mouth. The panic was still there even as I recognized the auburn hair resting upon the back of the head of my savior.

He looked down at me and even as I was blinded by tears, I could see the pity in his eyes. I felt sick and wrong and I curled up into a ball, hoping that if I squeezed myself tight enough, I'd disappear.

I could feel his hand smoothing my hair gently, his touch so tentative it only made me cry harder. The pressure was so light that I wouldn't have been sure I felt it at all if his skin wasn't icy. The fact that he was being careful only increased my self-loathing as I could just picture what he saw when he looked at me now because I felt it.

Broken.

…

Fast I fade away, it's almost over, hold on

Slow, I suffocate, I'm cold and broken alone

I'm cold and broken.

…