Chapter 25: A discussion with Severus
Harriet flopped down into her armchair. She was exhausted. She'd succeeded in rolling her wand to her feet in defence, and had managed to apparate between her hoops in the great hall after dinner- the test was next Saturday. And she still didn't have a clue what Malfoy was up to.
She lazily swished her wand to cast a tempus charm. It was just after eight, not a ridiculous time to go visiting. Curfew wasn't for more than an hour yet, so Severus was likely to be home unless he was overseeing detention.
The floo powder was getting low, she noticed. She'd have to ask Severus for more. She stepped into the green flames, and back out again into Severus's quiet living room. "Hello?" she called. "Anyone here?" No answer. She wandered down the hall to the bedrooms, peeking in at each of the open doors, but neither Severus nor Robin seemed to be there. Slightly disheartened, and inexplicably lonely, she wandered back to the living room, curling up on the sofa and taking her Charms textbook out of her bag. She knew she probably should have practiced wandless magic more, but even the idea made her head hurt. Reading was definitely the safer option.
She was confused and woolly-headed when Severus gently shook her awake. She cracked open her eyes to look at him crouched beside the sofa. "Is everything okay, Harriet?" he asked quietly. "How long have you been here?"
"I'm fine," she yawned. "What time is it?"
"Ten minutes to nine," he said.
"Been here about half an hour… sorry…"
Severus straightened with a grimace. "There's no need to apologise," he said. "You are welcome at any time. Now, I have a potion which needs some attention; you may stay here or come to my lab as you choose."
"I'll come with you," she said, unfolding herself and rescuing her Charms book from where it had slipped off her knee. Severus nodded and gestured for her to follow him down to the door at the very end of the corridor.
For all that she knew Severus much better now, and knew that his quarters didn't in any way resemble his classroom, she was still expecting a dungeon-like lab, with plenty of pickled eyeballs and torturous looking instruments. Instead, she followed him into a room mostly filled with a very large marble-topped table, a large, warm fireplace and shelving stretching across one of the long walls, with ingredients and potions neatly labelled, but no creepy animal parts in sight. He pulled out a tall stool for her to sit on as he removed a cover from a large cauldron sitting on an enchanted fire, like the ones the students used in lessons, and began to stir it with careful precise movements. "How is your application for the Wizarding colleges coming?" he asked. She'd told him about her plan to apply on Monday evening, at their occlumency lesson.
"I was going to write the essay over the weekend," she said, smoothing her fingers over the cool marble, tracing the grey veins in the smooth icy-white stone. Her head still felt a little fuzzy. "Severus, why is Malfoy in disgrace with his family?"
She could have been imagining it, but she was sure that Severus stiffened. "How do you know that he is?" he asked smoothly.
"He said he was," she explained. "Weeks ago, he said that he stayed with Bellatrix Lestrange over the summer, because his father was angry with him. And…" she hesitated, not sure how much she should say, but decided to press on. Severus hadn't yet given her any sign that he wasn't trustworthy, "and I heard him talking to Moaning Myrtle today in her bathroom. He was upset, saying that he'd failed something that Voldemort might kill him and his family hated him. He… I think he punched the wall and broke his hand, but he seemed fine again in defence. I couldn't see him in the hospital wing."
"I healed Draco's hand," Severus admitted. "You won't often find my Slytherin's going to Poppy; they tend to prefer a healer that they trust."
"So, what is it?" she asked. "What did he do?"
Severus shook his head. "I cannot betray his trust," he told her kindly, "just as I would not betray yours. You must simply believe me that he was faced with a terrible task; he made the choice that is right for his soul and for the wizarding world, but one that will forever drive him away from his family."
She sighed deeply. That didn't tell her much. "How do you know he's not going to change his mind?" she asked as Severus expertly chopped dandelion root. "He sounded pretty upset."
"He knows that entering the Dark Lord's service is a path that cannot be trodden lightly," Severus told her, "and he is horrified by the task that he was given. Draco is not made to be a Death Eater: he is gentle at heart."
Harriet scoffed. Malfoy, gentle? He was a bully, and she informed Severus of this. Severus shook his head sadly. "He is a product of his upbringing, as are we all. He was taught that strength comes from belittling others. He is trying his best to learn another way."
Harriet toyed with a mortar and pestle on the shelf next to her. "He asked me out," she said quietly after a few moments of silence.
"It would be a good match for you. The Malfoy family is powerful and influential."
"But what about Robin?" she asked, shocked.
Severus sighed as he removed his potion from the heat. "Robin is a squib," he said, as if explaining to a child. "He will never be accepted nor respected by the wizarding world. Look how Mr. Filch is treated; would you wish that on yourself? To be ridiculed and reviled by those you respect? Trust me, Harriet, I know how it feels; I'm the bat of the dungeons. Don't make your life harder than it has to be. Take Draco up on his offer: Robin will survive."
Harriet tried to swallow around the lump rising in the back of her throat. Of course she didn't want to live life like Filch. But surely, Robin could never be like the school caretaker? Filch was old and grumpy and stupid.
Severus interrupted her thoughts. "I should imagine that you are currently thinking that Robin and Argus Filch have nothing in common. You are wrong. Think on the scorn and derision heaped on Argus through his life, and then wonder why he is as he is. As I said of Draco, we are all products of our upbringing. I have tried to shield Robin from it, but if he attempts to make his life in the wizarding world, he will be snubbed. You would be better served by an alliance with the Malfoy family, who have enough political and magical power to back you up. Lucius is in disgrace; it would not be too hard for Draco to take control of the house's destiny, and you could influence the position of one of the oldest and most respecting wizarding families in Britain."
She nodded, unhappily. She could see that she wouldn't influence Severus on this one, but she was still sure that Robin could never be anything like Filch. "I'll… bear it in mind," she said quietly, with very little intention of doing so. Severus trusted Draco, and her mother had trusted Severus… and if the potion's master really had been working for Voldemort, the surely he'd have turned her over to the madman by now.
"Be sure that you do," Severus replied firmly, bottling the last of his potion. "Now, on a somewhat related note, it has been twenty-seven days since your first dose of contraceptive. You need to take more no later than tomorrow."
He crossed to his shelves of potions and selected a bulbous green bottle. "If you can promise me that you will take it, you may keep this bottle- one tablespoon on every twenty-eighth day. I will check that you remember."
"I already got a dose from Madam Pomfrey," Harriet bit out. She didn't need Severus checking up on her like that!
Severus grunted in acknowledgment. "Keep this anyway," he said. "It will be easier for you than traipsing up to the infirmary every four weeks. I've long said that it should be kept in each house, or added to the damnable pumpkin juice. It would have saved more than one girl from the trauma of a post-coital contraceptive potion. It's been a long time since we had a pregnancy at Hogwarts though."
"I've never seen a pregnant girl at Hogwarts," Harriet said.
"Of course you haven't. The headmaster, in his infinite wisdom, refuses to admit the rampant hormones of the magical teenager, and insists upon their ability to make decisions for themselves. Hence, he will not agree to mass dosing of the school, but nor will he allow a girl with child to grace his hallowed halls of learning. They are sent home, until the situation is… adequately dealt with."
"Dealt with?" Harriet asked, curious about Severus' ire.
"Yes," he said. "Either the child is born, or… disposed of. No one expects a woman going into marriage to be virginal any longer, but a woman with a child stands no hope of a good match. Be warned, Miss Potter." He finished placing the last of the potions into a crate, presumably destined for Madam Pomfrey. Harriet slid off her stool and followed him back to the living room.
"So, if Dumbledore won't do mass dosing, why haven't there been more accidents?"
Severus settled into his armchair. "I ensure my Slytherin girls take their potions, and it's traditionally been the Slytherins who get into bother. The Ravenclaws are too sensible, and I suspect that the older girls brew for the younger. Hufflepuffs… Professor Sprout is likely to brew her own, I think, or at least ensure a good supply. That only leaves the Gryffindors- the last two girls to leave in disgrace were both Gryffindor. The last was seven years ago, so apparently you've managed to develop some brainpower in the meantime."
Harriet felt a little spark of resentment at his dismissal of her house as stupid, but, far more than that, was the realisation of just how involved Severus was with his students. McGonagall had always been decidedly hands-off- they barely saw her unless they sought her out. And yet, Severus kept track of his students' homework, and even contraceptive potions. She yawned and rubbed her eyes, too tired to dwell on it.
"You look exhausted," Severus chastened. "Have you been sleeping properly?"
"Yeah," Harriet said. "But I've been trying wandless magic, and I was doing apparition lessons after dinner."
Severus sighed. "Go to bed, Harriet. Tomorrow could be emotionally difficult for you. It's better not to be short on sleep as well." She'd almost forgotten that she was visiting Godric's Hollow and the Edinburgh house tomorrow.
"I hoped Robin might visit," she admitted quietly.
"Go to bed, Harriet," he replied wearily. "I don't want you skimping on sleep on the off chance my wayward son arrives. If he does, I shall tell him to come back tomorrow night."
"Thanks," she said, defeated by tiredness and his immovability. "Erm… do you have more floo powder? I'm running a bit low."
"I'll get some out for you tomorrow," he replied. "Sleep well, Harriet." She nodded, and flooed through to her own rooms. When she was gone, he poured himself a healthy dose of firewhiskey and wondered what it was like to live an easy, uncomplicated life.
Harriet fell into sleep easily, but she couldn't claim that it was restful. First, she dreamed of ghosts of her parents having legions of tiny ghost babies, who haunted her, screaming and crying, every one of them a girl.
Then, she was wandering around a castle, followed in her every step by Lucius Malfoy, tapping his cane out behind her. As she passed doorways, small black-headed, black-eyed girls popped out, only to be shoved back into their rooms, door firmly shut behind them, by Lucius Malfoy.
Subsequently, thought she'd gone to sleep earlier than was her habit the night before, it was a grumpy and slightly sleepy Harriet who trudged into the great hall for breakfast the next morning. There were visitors at the high table: Tonks, her hair typically bubblegum-pink, and Moody, who could not be less bubblegum-pink if he tried. He glowered at his bacon with his good eye, whilst his magical one roved wildly around the students present. It fixed on Harriet for a few seconds, and Moody nodded slightly. Tonks glanced up and waved excitedly at her.
Ron appeared a few minutes later. "Morning," he yawned, reaching for the platter of sausages.
"Morning," Harried replied distractedly.
"Excited about today?" Ron asked, slathering his sausages in sauce.
"Yeah… well, kind of nervous, actually," she admitted. She supposed that Tonks and Moody were the guard for her trip to her houses. "I've been told that Godric's Hollow's in ruins, so I guess it could be kind of boring.
Hermione had slipped into the seat beside Ron. "I want to see the library in the Edinburgh place," Hermione said. "What was it called again?"
"Witch's Crescent," Harriet said, poking at her breakfast. She wasn't particularly hungry, she decided. "Kind of odd, seeing as it belongs to a magical family."
"It'll be in the Mages' town," Ron said, with his mouth full. "It's a bit like Diagon Alley, but Scottish, obviously. Hidden from muggles, like. I've never been. Supposed to be really exclusive- not for common riffraff like us. Bet Malfoy shops there."
"No, he gets his robes from Madam Malkin's, like the rest of us," Harriet said. "I've seen him there."
"School robes, yeah," Ron acceded. "Malkins has the contract for Hogwarts robes. Bet his others come from Thistledown Street though. It's all really old, and really expensive."
Harriet's nerves didn't lessen when Lupin, Tonks and Moody left the high table and headed down the length of the room towards the trio. "Ready?" Lupin asked. "We're going to come along, make sure there's no nasty surprises lurking. Are all three of you coming?"
"Yeah," Harriet said, standing, "we're all coming. How are we getting there?"
"Got to be side-along apparition," Lupin said. "Godric's Hollow isn't on the Floo. Come on, get your cloaks, and we'll walk down to the school gates so we can apparate."
Hermione, of course, already had her cloak with her, but neither Harriet or Ron had thought of it, so they were left dashing back to their rooms for theirs. She was in excited conversation with Lupin when the returned, and the pair continued their discussion as the little party left the castle and out into the biting wind.
"So," Moody asked Harriet and Ron, "have you put in your applications yet? Kingsley says there's a lot of prospective aurors lined up this year."
"Nearly there," Ron said. "Going to send it off Monday- just want to give it another good read tomorrow."
Harriet bit her lip. "I'm not applying," she said quietly.
"What was that?" Moody asked. "Could have sworn you just said you weren't applying?"
"I did. I'm not. I'm applying to the Wizarding colleges for a place on their Magical Defence course."
Moody stopped dead. "You'll be wasted behind a desk, you fool," he berated. "You think that's what it's about, poring over spells and doing it all in theory? No! It's about being there, out in the field!"
"I'm not applying," Harriet said stubbornly. "I want to teach people to defend themselves, not rely on me to defend them."
Moody's eye swivelled to the back of his head. "You're an idiot if you think you can manage that, Potter. People don't want to be taught, they want to be helped What's the good in teaching 'em when you-know-who's just around the corner? Eh?"
"I think there is some good in it. So I'm going to go and learn as much about Defence as I can, and pass on the knowledge," she reiterated "Maybe when I've finished, then I'll want to be an auror." Moody snorted and started to walk again. It was an uncomfortable walk down past Hagrid's hut and to the edge of the grounds.