A/N: All right I managed to update within the week, yay! Thanks for the reviews. I hope people are still enjoying the story. Please leave feedback, thanks!
Chapter 25: Break Even
Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu said love is always selfish. In love sometimes we do things for selfish reasons, but not in the sense for our own welfare, but more for the other person's well-being.
The moon shone brightly in the Tree Hill sky. There was a slight breeze, but despite the cool air Nathan and Haley sat feet apart under the tree overlooking the beach. One minute Haley could feel his gaze on her the next she felt him shift on the grass looking back out into the water. She wrapped her body in a blanket over her pea coat to keep warm.
She had run off to their spot not wanting to talk, but knowing he would follow her. He had that look in his eyes. He wasn't going to give her time to process the information. He wanted to talk this out, but she wasn't having any of that as they sat in pin-drop silence.
The wind picked up blowing the loose strands of her hair in her face. She clutched the blanket tighter. She didn't know why she ran to their spot in the first place. It was cold outside and she didn't want any reminders of them, but she immediately ran off heading where she originally thought was nowhere, but found herself under the tree.
"I was going to tell you. I did tell you," he said through gritted teeth. Nathan dragged his hand through his hair as his anger rose. He tried to remain calm, but couldn't. He believed Haley was being unreasonable. The reason he invited her was to tell her about Dan and HCM. The guilt tore him apart. He knew it was time to tell her so he asked her to come to the beach house.
His hands dug at the ground beside him. He had to refocus his energy on something. His fingernails dug into the grass hitting the hard Earth. He used all his strength to break the dirt. His anger had to flow out someway and he figured this was the best way of calming down.
Haley repositioned her body so her back was facing her boyfriend. She wanted to be left alone. Not only had Lucas not told her, but Nathan hadn't either. For a split second she actually thought she should be happy that the brothers agreed to keep a secret; however, as she learned more about the disease her chest tightened and anger filled her body. What the hell was either of them thinking? It was one thing for Lucas to lie and another for Nathan to keep her in the dark. She loved him. They were in love. He should've told her.
As she continued sitting in the silence with him boring a hole into her back, it dawned on her their conversation a week ago was about HCM, not Nathan getting injured. She wanted to scream. Ever since the night on the boardwalk months ago, she felt her and Nathan were slowly getting closer then once they began dating, they couldn't stand to be apart. She saw a different side of Nathan. A side she never thought existed. He loved her and wanted to protect her, but keeping such a secret wasn't the best way to protect her, especially not her heart. It was his heart that needed protecting.
She sighed now realizing that's what it was all about – protecting her. He had protected her from his father, even pushed her away. He called himself damaged and not good enough for her to save her from him. She didn't budge though. She didn't give up on him.
"Hales, I couldn't …"
"Shhh," she said barely audible. He wanted to talk so he was grateful that she said anything to him. She slowly moved from her spot. She turned so he could see her profile. A few seconds passed and her gaze travelled to him. Her heart beat rapidly when her hazel eyes connected with his piercing blue eyes. She quickly broke the contact and stared at the ground.
"I had to know, Hales." His voice cracked. He brought his hand to his face wiping away the tears that fell. He had never in his life been so emotional. Only Haley could evoke such emotions from him.
"What Nathan?" she bit back at him. Her head whipped around and her heart broke noticing his tear-stained cheeks. "Why do you do that?" she asked softly.
He stared at her confused by the question. He didn't understand what she meant. What was it that he did?
"Why do you find it so hard to let me in?" Her gaze moved away from him again. Her chest tightened and she gasped for air. Anxiety flowed through her body. Never in her life had she felt such an intense, heart wrenching pain. She heard him sigh and she closed her eyes attempting to focus on the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks.
"Until you," he coughed trying to hold back his emotions in his words. "Until us," he said clearing his throat. "When I looked in the mirror all I saw was basketball staring back at me. I am Nathan Scott, Tree Hill's basketball star. The next Scott to lead the Ravens to a state championship."
"Damnit, Nathan it's just a stupid label! You don't have to be Nathan Scott basketball star with me."
"I know, but basketball defines me. I walk those stupid halls and what do you think everyone sees?" Haley looked over at him. "They see the school jock. Cocky, arrogant Nathan Scott, who puts a ball through a hoop."
"I don't understand. That doesn't explain why you wouldn't tell me about the HCM. I love you. I'm right here, Nathan. I'm not going anywhere. Basketball or no basketball, I'm not going anywhere. I don't love you because you play basketball and I sure as hell aren't dating you because you're popular." Haley kept her tone flat not wanting to give her emotions away. She was stewing inside then she felt a swirl of sadness for her boyfriend. It didn't make sense. He never cared what others thought about him. Then a light bulb went off. It really wasn't that he cared about what other people thought. It was that he cared what she thought. She stood up and walked over to him taking a seat in front of him sitting on her heels.
"You asked me the other day what would happen if you couldn't play basketball anymore. You wanted to make sure I would still love you. Why didn't you … why didn't you just tell me then?" She rested her petite hand on his knee.
"All my life, I never once cared about what other people thought of me. I had basketball and the fuck with all them. Then you came along and I … I don't know … I tried so hard not to care." He cupped her right cheek. "I know basketball isn't what brought us together, but … it's such a huge part of who I am. I didn't want for you to one day wake up and look over and not see the boy you fell in love with."
Haley took a sharp breath in. His words echoed in her mind, "One day wake up and look over and not see the boy you fell in love with." Her heart pounded so loud she knew he could hear it. Her eyes searched his trying to make sure she heard him correctly. Did he think about a future with her?
"I can't give you more than what I have and it may not be much once I take that test." He parted his legs and pulled her body into his. His body immediately warmed. He missed their closeness. She hadn't let him touch her. He shut his eyes resting his chin on top of her head. She snuggled into his chest. He remembered how she physically pushed him away when he tried to hug her after he explained to her about Dan's diagnosis and how that affected Lucas and him. He noticed she didn't look at his brother; instead she glared at him with disappointment.
"I may always be less than what you need, Hales. I can't … I can't let you waste your time with me." She picked her head up and moved her hand to his face. She felt his stubble under her fingertips. "What's that saying? If you love something set it free?"
Tears streamed down her face and she hadn't realized it. Nathan cupped her face and slowly kissed her. Anger, desperation and love whirled inside him. He was never good with words more so around her. He couldn't find the words to say. Truthfully, he couldn't say the words. His stomach twisted, knotting as the words danced in his head.
Haley sighed as she parted her lips. Her anger slowly escaped her body and she felt the love envelope them. She wanted to show him just how she felt about him. He deserved to know she loved him no matter what.
Nathan angled her head deepening the kiss. His tongue fought with hers as he desperately sought out control and longed to be closer. His need for her grew by the second. He reminded his body this – Haley and him – wasn't about sex. His need was purely selfish. His need was to make himself feel better, not her, not them.
When air became a necessity they pulled apart. Haley couldn't find her voice allowing Nathan to speak first.
"I love you, but after tonight I …" Haley kissed him not wanting to hear his words. She feared his words.
"Don't, Nathan. We can work through this. I love you. Remember always, forever?" She caressed his face and made sure to hold his gaze hoping her eyes would convey her love that she always felt she could never stress enough to him.
He heard the desperation in her voice. He ran his hand through his hair. Nothing had been decided earlier. Neither Lucas nor him wanted to take the test yet, but the women in their lives demanded otherwise.
Deb paced back and forth while Karen sat on the couch across from the two teenage boys. Haley sat in the chair, her face marked with confusion. She had been asked to come to the beach house and had no clue what was going on. Karen had been surprised when Lucas told her to bring Haley, and Deb had been caught off guard by the teenage girl's presence.
"What's going on?" Haley spoke as the tension in the room mounted. She looked at Nathan then Lucas. The brothers appeared to be closer than ever. She suddenly began to go over their actions the last week. Lucas hadn't spoken much to her and Nathan had been distant. He couldn't sleep through the night, at least not when he had climbed into her window.
Both mothers glared at their sons. Both sons looked away from the intense stare.
"Will someone please tell me what's going on?" She had a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.
"Dan has a disease," Lucas began not looking at his best friend.
"A disease?"
"A genetic disease," Nathan added. He too avoided looking at his girlfriend. The weight he had been carrying around didn't disappear as he hoped it would.
Haley exhaled deeply as her mind raced with many questions. What the hell did that mean?
"Lucas and Nathan might have Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy, otherwise known as HCM. That's what caused Dan's heart attack," Karen said informing the girl she thought of as a daughter.
"They need to take an ECG to find out if they have it," Deb said walking over to Haley. She slowly placed her hand on Haley's shoulder to comfort her. She was shocked to learn that Nathan hadn't told her about HCM. She was certain he loved her. Why had he not told her?
"Then?" She peered up at Deb. Her anger built as she listened to the older women. She trusted both Scott boys and neither told her. She feared what this meant.
"HCM can cause sudden cardiac death or simply a heart attack, which was the case with Dan. The disease is asymptomatic so Lucas and Nathan need to be tested." Karen now only addressed Haley as if the boys were not present.
Haley's bottom lip quivered and as tears fell from her hazel eyes she wiped them away not wanting to cry in front of either Lucas or Nathan. She felt so betrayed.
"What happens if either has HCM?" She played with her hands in her lap unable to sit still. Serious conversations often made her nervous.
"We can't play basketball," Nathan answered staring at the floor. His heart wrenched. How could he have not told her? Why did he think this was the best way to inform her? He should've listened to Lucas. They should've told her.
"We each have a fifty percent chance of having HCM." Lucas' eyes finally moved to Haley. His hands fisted in anger. He caused her pain. He should never have listened to Nathan. He shouldn't have let his brother convince him that they were protecting her. Suddenly he hated Nathan, again.
"How soon can they take the test?" Haley asked Deb who stood over her.
"Karen and I made an appointment for them for Wednesday."
"No," Nathan said standing up. "I'm not taking the test. I won't. Not until the end of the season. I want to have the chance to play out the season before finding out if I'll ever be able to play again." He still couldn't look at Haley. Every ounce of him knew it was wrong not to take the test sooner, but he had to see basketball through. After all his hard work, he owed it to himself to see this commitment through. Then he could walk away.
"Nathan Royal Scott! You will take the test next week or …"
"Or what?" His rough voice caused his mother to jump. She recognized the look in her son's eyes. Dan got that look when he was determined to have his way. She realized what she was up against.
"Lucas don't you even consider waiting," Karen said angrily. "You will take that test or not play at all. I will make sure of it."
Yelling ensued from everyone in the room, except from Haley. She listened to both sides, but after everything was all done she couldn't dare look at Nathan or Lucas. When Nathan reached for her, she instinctually rejected him.
"You don't agree with my decision though." He gently grabbed her wrists and removed her hands from his face. "I'm not taking the test."
"But what about basketball, Nathan?" She wiggled lose from his hold. "What about that stupid game you seem to love so much more than me?" She now yelled at him. "Deb too said she would make sure you wouldn't play until you took the test."
"I can convince her otherwise," he whispered ashamed at the thought of manipulating his mother. The thought alone was another indication that he was no good for Haley.
Haley got to her feet. Tears flowed down her face uncontrollably. All she wanted was for Nathan to be safe and to be with him, but from the sounds of it, he was pushing her away.
"You don't have to say anything." She talked loud enough so he could hear her since her back was to him. She dried her face then turned around. Nathan's head shot up and she stifled a cry seeing him crying. That was just a reminder of why she loved him. He allowed himself to be vulnerable. He let her see him at his lowest moments. "I'm … I'm going to leave, but don't worry when you go home tonight, you'll still have your precious basketball," she said bitterly. She threw the blanket at his feet and began to storm off.
He quickly stood up and ran after her. He grabbed her a little rough turning her to face him. Their faces mirrored each other's. He let her go unsure if she'd continue to walk away. When she didn't he put his hands under her chin then began to kiss her tears.
She couldn't help, but sigh. She wanted to feel his lips against her skin, against her own lips one last time. She was weak for allowing him to touch her let alone kiss her.
Nathan softly kissed the corner of her mouth then the other corner. He pulled back and looked for permission to kiss her lips. Normally he wouldn't have, but he didn't want her to hate him more than she already did. She fisted his shirt getting to her tiptoes. His head fell slightly meeting her lips in a searing kiss. He was letting her go and she had to know he still loved her; he just couldn't be with her. He couldn't be the man she needed, at least not now.
Lucas sat on a stool at the bar area. He remained silently as he watched Peyton move about the space planning the small renovations. Karen agreed to let Peyton open the all-ages club as long as she ran all changes by her.
"You going to tell me what's bothering you?" the cheerleader asked. She knew when not to say anything when she was with Nathan, but Lucas was a different story. She had waited patiently to probe. She didn't want their relationship to falter due to lack of communication so she studied him over the past week trying to learn his body language and just trying to become in tune with him.
"You're not going to like it," he said scratching the back of his neck. Even though they hadn't been dating for long, he knew the news would affect her.
The blonde took a seat on a stool next to him. "Well at least you're being honest." She rested her elbow on the bar waiting.
"I didn't tell you everything about Dan. He's got HCM." Lucas explained to Peyton exactly what that meant and how it affected him and Nathan. As he told her everything his mind wandered to Haley. She ran off and Nathan had followed after her. He had to speak with his best friend.
"Wow," she said shocked. "You and Nathan are at risk? Does Haley know?" She didn't know how she should feel. She cared about both brothers, but Haley had an invested interest in both.
"She does now. I'm hoping she'll talk to me." He twisted a little on the stool nervously.
Peyton nodded once the honey blonde entered the venue. "Maybe that's why she's here." She got off the stool and grabbed her jacket. "We'll talk later. I need some time to let it all sink in."
"I understand," he said taking her hand. He kissed it relieved she hadn't been upset.
"Luke, I don't know what to think. I really don't. I'm not upset that you didn't tell me, but I wish you could've trusted me, to confide in me." She leaned over and kissed his cheek.
Haley waited for Peyton to leave before approaching her best friend. She wanted to laugh at the thought. Could they be best friends if he was going to keep things from her? Damn she thought. She had done the same to him, but her lie wasn't as severe. It wasn't life or death.
"What happened, Hales?" He noticed the tear tracks. Things must not have gone well between her and Nathan. He should've gone after her. Instead he watched his brother chase after her. He stayed back because he believed Nathan should be the one to comfort Haley. Haley was his girlfriend and that ranked higher than friend in his mind.
He was so lost. He remembered when they were about nine years old. Haley had stolen a candy bar from the store down the street and Lucas took the rap for it. He paid Mr. Marx and got a stern talking to from the old man; however, he gave Lucas advice. He told him he was a good friend and to never lose that quality. He said a good friend was hard to come by and to nurture his and Haley's friendship. He admired Mr. Marx and in this very moment felt ashamed for what he had done.
"I … Nathan and I … we …" her body shook and she fell to the floor. Lucas jumped up and sat on the floor. He pulled her body into his and brought his hand up, smoothing down her hair. He kissed her temple and his heart broke as he felt her body vibrate against his. She sobbed quietly in his arms.
"When you're ready to talk I'll listen," he said into her hair. He couldn't imagine what his brother did.
Haley began to hiccup as her sobs continued. Never had she not had any control over her emotions. She closed her eyes tightly and began counting in her head to ten in an effort to calm down.
"Hales, I'm so sorry. Whatever happened with Nathan is partially my fault." He meant what he said. For one, he didn't have to go along with his brother on keeping Haley in the dark. Secondly, he could've convinced Nathan to tell Haley a lot sooner. "We both just wanted to protect you. We didn't want you to worry if there was really no reason to worry."
Her vibrations slowed and she took a deep breath sucking in her bottom lip. She didn't hear a word Lucas said. His voice sounded muffled as she focused on her breathing and counting.
"We both love you. You have to believe me. We wanted to protect you." He waited for her breathing to return to normal. Her sobbing stopped because her body had stopped shaking.
She scooted out of his hold. His blue eyes reminded her of Nathan. The only difference was there wasn't romantic love in them. Their relationship needed repair as well, but at the moment she didn't care about their friendship. She needed Lucas' help with Nathan.
"We broke up," she said despondently. "I need you to talk to him, Luke. Please."
He sighed and dragged his hand down his face. Of all the idiotic things Nathan could've done. "He doesn't deserve you, Hales. Let him go."
"What?" she questioned incredulously. She thought they were past this. She was under the impression that he trusted her decision regarding his brother.
"If this is what he wants you need to let him go. He'll eventually realize he was wrong." Lucas waited with baited breath. He studied her as she let his advice sink in.
"He told me he had nothing to offer me. He loves me, Luke. He was thinking about the future, a future with me. You need to talk to him. I can't … I can't breathe without him. He may not need me, but I need him desperately." She tugged on her best friend's jacket almost shaking him as she talked. "He loves me and that's enough for me," she added softly.
"You're going to be all right. It's all going to be all right." He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her into his chest. She rested her head against his shoulder. "I don't know Nathan that well, but I know him well enough. He needs space. You need to let him go for now. He's on a downward spiral and he doesn't want to take you with him. He's trying to save you."
"I am not some damsel in distress!" She pushed him forcefully away from her. Her life made no sense to her and her best friend made no sense. "First, it was himself, then Dan, next Brooke … I do not need any saving!" She got to her feet and began pacing. She never felt violent, but now she wanted to hit something.
Nathan saw the headlights shine on the concrete basketball court. He didn't turn to look thinking it was his brother. He eyed the six-pack on the table next to him. Lucas would give him some holier-than-thou speech about drinking.
"You're a jackass."
He smirked hearing the familiar voice. He wondered how she found him. He hadn't hung out at the River Court when they dated.
"Pull up a chair, P. Sawyer." He pulled a beer off the plastic ring and tossed it to her. She looked at the can debating whether or not she should partake in his loneliness. "What, now you're a goody-goody since you're dating Luke?"
Oh he had some nerve, she thought. Had he already been hitting the bottle? He didn't slur his words, but this Nathan Scott was not the same Nathan from yesterday. He was definitely back to his former self.
She sighed defeated and popped open the beer. "You're an ass."
"I've been called worse and by you." He raised his can toasting her before bringing it to his lips and chugging half the can.
"What the hell happened, Nate?" She cautiously sat down on the table top beside him. She shivered, but not from the wind. This scene seemed eerily too familiar. They hadn't hung out here together ever, but sitting together sharing a six-pack was déjà vu. Misery did always like company. Nathan and her made for quite interesting company then add in Brooke and the three of them had a memorable night.
"Did you come here to talk or drink?" He took another drink this time a swig. He sort of disliked her coming to talk to him. They were exes for a reason.
She rolled her eyes. "I saw your girlfriend. Lucas told me about the HCM. You want to talk or drink?" She sipped the beer and watched as he downed the rest of his beer. He then crushed the can and tossed it on the ground. "Hit a nerve?" she asked sweetly knowing she had. Nathan might've changed a bit, but his buttons hadn't. She still knew what buttons to push to get him riled up.
"You want another, blondie?" He opened another can and took a long drink. He waited for her to say something, but she sat silently. Funny how their communication hadn't changed just because they were no longer in a relationship. "We broke up, at least I think we did. She wouldn't let me say the words, and I didn't want to say them."
Peyton practically dropped her beer. She chugged her beer and handed the empty can to him. He crushed it and tossed it on the ground. "Now you want to talk?" She drank the entire can in preparation of what Nathan had to say. Haley and him breaking up was major. Sure, some people at school thought Nathan and her breaking up was big, but he loved Haley. They were in love and their relationship was unconventional by high school standards.
"I am my father's son." He held the beer in both hands staring at the top of the can. "I can't be with her because I'll only hurt her. I already have hurt her. I should've told her. Instead I wanted to protect her from something none of us can control." He continued to stare at the can of beer as if he were searching for an answer. He chuckled at the thought. He could count on both hands the number of times he heard, you won't find any answers at the bottom of en empty. It had been a hard couple of months.
"She wants to support you. She doesn't need you to protect her from something she can't control. I don't know Haley very well, but I know she just wants to be there for you. This news is major and you shouldn't have to face this alone because you're not alone." Peyton shook her head at him. He hadn't looked up from the beer. She hoped he was listening to her.
"It's not easy. Love is not easy." He drank the beer and placed the can down. "I won't be the same if I have HCM. I won't be the same without basketball. The one thing I was scared of becoming I will be. I'll be Dan," he said softly. He cleared his throat as his emotions rushed to the surface. He swallowed the lump that formed in his throat. He didn't want to breakdown in front of his ex. His vulnerability was reserved for Haley.
"Did you not hear anything I said months ago?" He finally looked at her. "If you don't want to be Dan then don't. HCM isn't necessarily the end of your basketball career. You need to take this one step at a time, Nate."
The raven-haired boy got off the table and picked up the basketball. Peyton intently watched as he began shooting the ball. He dribbled and shot then chased after his rebound. He then dunked the ball. Her heart ached. They had been friends for a decade. She had seen him play organized basketball and cheered him on. She would be lying if she said she had never once been in awe of his talents. Nathan Scott walked around like he owned the school because truth be told he did. He was the Ravens chance at a championship probably since his father. He had every right to be cocky and arrogant. He earned it.
Nathan walked back over to her. "Every day I come out here after practice. I'm trying to let go. I'm trying to prove that I don't need this, but it never works. Coming here only makes me crave it more. I can't be the man Haley thinks I am. That person doesn't exist. This is me." He pointed at himself. "I am a jerk, an ass, cocky and don't give a shit about anyone. That is who I am and always will be. It's too late for me to change. It's too late for me to be someone else."
"No it's not. People change, Nate. You have to decide what the hell you want and go for it. Haley, fortunately for you, loves you just the way you are. There's this better guy inside you and she sees it. She knows it. You need to let her decide what she wants. If she can't handle this version of you then let her decide to walk away because I know as well as anyone that this version – the bitter, scared Nathan Scott – will always exist. It's just up to you if you want to be him." She hesitated getting off the table. She walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "Don't let her go Nathan unless that's what you really want."
Nathan pulled away feeling awkward. "I can't push and pull with her. For now, I have to let us be. We're not together right now and I believe it's for the best. I have to not be selfish. Right now I'm going to be selfish and wait to be screened. It's not fair to her for me to wait, but I'm doing it for myself."
The blonde nodded understanding she couldn't get through to him. "Don't wait too long. Don't wait to figure out that you can't live without her." She went over to the table and grabbed the three remaining beers.
"What are you doing?" he asked perplexed by her action.
"You don't need this tonight. Play your little game and get home. Sleep this night off." She walked back to her car throwing the beer in her trunk. She hardly recognized Nathan tonight. There were many pieces of him that were the same yet different. He had been crying, but she didn't want to say anything because the Nathan Scott she knew didn't cry. The only emotion he showed was bitterness.
"Nathan is stubborn," Lucas said as Haley cleaned off the bar. Once she calmed down she looked around. He told her what about Peyton's idea. She decided to help by cleaning, which is what she did best when she was upset.
"I'm mad at you," she said not looking up from the spot she cleaned.
"I know. An apology isn't going to fix us. I was thinking maybe the three of us need time alone. Maybe we need time to regroup. Nathan is going through a hell of a lot more than I am. He always thought he'd play in the NBA. He feels he can't provide for you if he doesn't have the NBA. As much as it pains me, he loves you. He wants to be with you forever."
Tears rested on the brim of her eyes. Hearing Lucas caused her chest to constrict. She told herself over and over she was done crying for the night. She wouldn't let Lucas' words get to her. It made her happy, yet sad.
"He wants to spend the rest of his life with me?" she asked knowing she shouldn't, but her curiosity got the better of her. What kind of discussion had the brothers had?
"I don't think it's my place to answer." Lucas moved some boxes Peyton had packed. He decided to busy himself as well. "I thought he was over this. I thought he was going to take it one day at a time." He grabbed a broom and began sweeping.
"He told he would love me always, forever, but now …" she shrugged. "I'm not sure he meant it. That hurts a lot more than him keeping HCM from me."
Lucas stopped sweeping. He tried to figure out what to tell her. "He meant it, Hales. He loves you so much he doesn't want you to be around when he self-destructs. I don't think I can stop him."
Haley threw the rag on the bar top and looked at her watch. She needed to head home. "I hope my parents are asleep," she said putting on her coat. If either of them sees me they'll want to talk. They'll see my distress. I don't want to talk to them not about this." Her fingers nimbly buttoned her pea coat.
Lucas reached into his pocket feeling his phone vibrate. He hung his head seeing the screen. His damn brother wanted to talk. He replied then stuffed the phone back into his pocket.
"I love him, Luke. What am I supposed to do?" She pulled her hair out of her coat as she walked over to her best friend. "You and I aren't okay." She reminded him then gave him a hug.
He kissed her forehead holding her tightly wanting to ease her pain from tonight's news. "I know."
Haley sighed deeply and tucked her hands into her coat pockets. She exited the club and leaned against the wall. Pulling out her phone she stared blankly at it. She composed a message and sent it. After taking another deep breath she left heading home. She prayed he would come tapping on her window.
"She's gone," Lucas yelled. Nathan came out from the back of the stage. "You're a coward." He leaned the broom against the bar and sat down. "She's hurting, you ass."
He hung his head. He held his phone in his hand staring at the screen. He was still in love with her. She still loved him. The message read: I love you. Always, forever.
"I am a coward. I'm an ass. There I admit it now can we discuss something other than Haley?" He pulled out a chair from one of the tables in the room.
"What else is there to talk about? She doesn't know what she's going to do because she loves you. I can't comfort her because my words aren't enough." He rested his elbow on the bar and shook his head in disappointment.
"You told Peyton, why?" His phone vibrated again on the table. Since he hadn't unlocked his screen the message repeated. "I don't want anyone else knowing."
"Yeah you made that clear a week ago. I told her because Haley knows and Peyton is my girlfriend. Contrary to what you may think, Haley isn't the only girl around here that matters."
"Funny because you were in agreement with me that she was the only one that mattered." He slumped in the chair and rested his right ankle on his left knee. "So you're taking the test?"
"I have no other choice and neither do you. Let's both agree to get this over with."
"I'm pretty sure I'm done agreeing with you. No more pacts. I've learned my lesson," Nathan responded.
"What the hell does that mean?" Lucas yelled hitting the bar top with his fist. "I didn't want to lie to Haley. I did it for you."
"Oh please." He rolled his eyes. "You agreed with me. You thought it was best to save her the worry. I'm just done with this." He motioned between the two of them. "I don't know what I was thinking trying to be brothers or whatever."
Lucas furrowed his brow at Nathan. His little brother was angry at the world. "You know you can change your outlook on life by letting Haley in. You don't have to be a jackass."
"That's the reality, big brother. I am an ass." He began his sentence harshly then his voice softened at the end. "I need her to hate me right now." He ran his hands down his face.
"Why?" His brother was a riddle. He couldn't figure Nathan out.
"I'm so consumed by the possible outcome. It's just easier if she hates me. It's always been easier that way. When Peyton and I were fighting I made sure she hated me. I made sure I did something stupid to get her riled up. Some might say I did things without ever thinking of the outcome, but the truth was I knew what I was doing. For whatever reason, I needed her to hate me. It's so messed up, but it's the truth." He found it easy to talk to Lucas and that scared him. He now realized what brought Lucas and Haley together. They shred a lot of the same personality traits. He hated that he sat there confiding in his brother.
"Were you serious about not wanting to be my brother?" Nathan now talking with ease confused him. His earlier statement made no sense.
"As long as you don't talk about Haley with me then we can be brothers or whatever." He shrugged his shoulders. His phone vibrated again catching his attention. His heart pounded once he read the message again. Keeping her away from him wasn't going to be easy.
Brooke stood in the courtyard waiting for Peyton. She couldn't help, but smile. The brunette was giddy as she heard the murmurs of a break up. She then spotted Haley walking in her direction. Lucas walked next to her. The brunette arched her brow. She thought Lucas would arrive with Peyton this morning. She didn't really care just an observation.
Haley walked with a heavy heart not listening to her best friend. Lucas and her were still friends, but she made sure he knew she was still upset. She was angry with him and Nathan.
Lucas heard Haley sigh and realized she had zoned out. He saw his brother enter the building. He brought his hand to his forehead and rubbed it feeling the tension mount. This was going to be difficult for her.
Haley ran her hand through her hair. When she had told her mom she was going to work yesterday, Lydia asked why. Haley hadn't worked Sundays in a long while because she wanted to spend time with Nathan. Now she needed to stay busy. She avoided her mom's question and dragged herself to the café. She hadn't spoken with Nathan. She didn't want to appear desperate.
"It's true, isn't?" Brooke asked once Peyton reached her. "Is Nathan single?" She asked excitedly.
Peyton rolled her eyes in annoyance. Damn her best friend was insensitive. "Brooke I wouldn't get my hopes up, honey." She placed her hand on Brooke's shoulder. "He still loves her."
The brunette's face dropped. "I don't get it. Why did they break up?"
Peyton wrapped her arm around Brooke's shoulder and began walking them into the building. "I'm not entirely sure they broke up." The brunette halted. "Brooke it's a long story just promise me you won't make a fool of yourself and throw yourself at him."
"Whatever," she muttered. God how she hated Mondays.
Nathan opened his locker and pulled out his books. When he shut the door he noticed his brother and Haley. He really hated what he was doing to her, but for the moment he thought the break was for the best. His mouth went dry as he watched her approach him. What the hell was she doing?
Haley hustled by the other students. She would probably regret what she was going to do, but she had to do it. She stopped right in front of Nathan. He didn't move, which gave her confidence.
"Hales," he said huskily, surprising himself. He hadn't meant for her name to be spoken in such a tone.
She licked her lips then closed the distance between them. She could feel everyone's eyes on them, and she didn't care.
"Haley," he said her name again quickly darting around to see people stopped waiting for the show.
She cupped his face and her lips crashed onto his. As she moved her lips over his, he didn't react. His fist clenched at his side so he wouldn't touch her. He couldn't touch her.
As she darted her tongue out she felt his lips move. He couldn't control his body. He wanted to kiss her. He loved kissing her. He couldn't not kiss her back. He parted his lips moaning when he felt her tongue against his. She tasted so good. His hands now lay flat at his sides. He still couldn't touch her. She slowed their kiss down. She pulled back slightly then pecked him twice. His eyes fluttered open and his voice was lost in his throat.
Her right hand stroked his face and he noticed she wore the pink Cracker Jacks bracelet. When his eyes landed back on hers she smiled.
"Don't say I never gave you anything."
Haley walked away and Nathan stood absolutely still. Keeping Haley at a distance was going to be very difficult. He smirked at her statement. She definitely wasn't going to let him go.