Author's Notes

Nothing much to say. Except 'Kama' is the Japanese term for God. Remember Kouji doesn't believe in God? It was in one of the earlier chapters. And yet he's calling one now...

Chapters remaining after this: 5

Enjoy, and tell me what you think.

Sakura, Mono no Aware

He's always been in and out of hospitals. But that doesn't make it any easier, or more tolerable. Especially since he's going to be there for a while yet with hopes for recovery slimming – but at least there are friends and family to help him through...

Kouichi K & Kouji M

Rating: T

Genre/s: Drama/Hurt/Comfort

Chapter 24 – Listen and Feel my Hope

'Kama, you gave me a scare,' Kouji muttered into his brother's dry hair, burying his face into the strands and ignoring the smell of antiseptic that seemed to persist in it, remembering instead the dew like smell that seemed to be characteristic of it. They never used conditioner, he knew, and only occasionally shampoo, so the more natural water scent persevered , somehow retaining the country freshness…maybe because he spent a lot of his time, when not in the hospital or confined to school or bed rest, in open areas like parks. 'I-I thought I had lost you there…'

His voice trailed off as he buried himself deeper into the thin hair and the pillow beneath it. After that almost fateful weekend, the family had stayed, or returned to their respective houses, taking the rest of the weekend to just let everything sink in, then return to a week of work, school and in Kouji's additional case, some rather difficult explanations.

They had taken it better than he thought they would. He had been full expecting either Takuya to march up to Kyoto and let his mother have it before thinking about the situation in a more rational manner. In fact, the worse things that had happened is the brunette yelling at why they hadn't been told sooner (he had waited till Thursday) and Izumi bursting into tears. He would have told them on Wednesday actually, but he had received a detention for not completing an assignment that weekend, from one of the stricter teachers who said, sick brother or no, due dates were due dates. However, he had amended that if the said sick brother had died, it would have been another matter…just in a far more tactful manner. He had had the martial artist in his class long enough to know not to push his boundaries.

Now it was the following weekend, and he had come out alone. His parents, father and stepmother more specifically, had tried to convince him otherwise, but he needed to see his brother. The hospital had called on Sunday afternoon to inform them that his vitals were strengthening, but he was still frail, still clinging to life by a thread…a thread that had been so nearly cut.

His sleeping patterns, if it were possible, seemed to have gotten worse. He was extremely lucky he hadn't gotten another detention that week, though he suspected that the teachers (well, most of them) were being a little lenient at certain times. Damn them, he thought, for poking their noses where they didn't belong, though he had to admit he was thankful for the slack cut. If he kept getting detentions, he'd never have his weekends free because he would need to keep giving them up for homework, assessments and studying that got drowned in line-writing.

'Anyway,' he mumbled finally, pulling himself from his thoughts and taking comfort for the monotone he had previously cursed. It had almost gone out; they had switched off the sound, to spare them the flatline…not that it mattered in the end, beyond expectation. But that was Kouichi; you never knew what he would do. Sometimes it was entertaining, sometimes plain annoying (especially when you got caught up in a prank of his, but that was mostly Akihiro and Minoru who had a habit of dragging their two other friends into their prank wars). But there were times, like this one, where it was the best thing one could wish for and thensome. 'I-' He paused a moment, gathering his thoughts and trying to sort them into some coherence. 'I miss you. Not physically I mean; you know I've seen you more in this half year than I have in the other one? But it's just not the same. I want to see you alive, not just living. But don't rush yourself…' He managed a wry sort of smile. 'I-I don't think I could face almost losing you a third time.'

His voice wavered, but he pressed on. 'Why am I telling you not to rush? You never rush…okay, well except for that one time when you were trying to catch up to me, but that doesn't really count. That was destiny telling you you'll lose me forever…and instead, I almost wind up losing you.' He gave a watery laugh, burying his head further, sinking tiredly onto the soft pillow. 'Just…don't give up, 'kay. Stay with me always…'

He said nothing else, simply taking a dim comfort in his brother's company, however still. He sat like that, one hand enveloping the limp one, still chained to the bedside though it seemed utterly futile, other still tangled in the short cropped hair scattered about the pillow. Heh, what was the point of chaining an unmoving form? As of the were trying to prevent someone from stealing him…

Somewhere along the way, his mind gave into the fog that plagued it, slipping into sleep.

He woke up blurrily, finding the hospital bed empty.

Empty! A sharp intake of breath, eyes immediately widening to their full extent as the weariness was cast aside, forgotten. 'Ni-san?' he breathed in panic. 'Where-?'

His blue eyes darted across the room, seeing the disconnected machines, the white covers haphazardly thrown over the bed in a bunch, a restraint dangling off the rails that had been drawn back down, the surrounds that they had refreshed time and time again with flowers, get well cards, posters and the growing collection of stuffed animals, courtesy of the two girls, were gone. The walls looked horridly bare, like a prison…or a coffin.

'Ni-san? Kouichi!' he cried out in panic. 'Where are you?'

A nurse walked in at that point, and the teenager launched himself at her, much to her surprise. 'My brother? Where is he?'

The black haired woman looked at him. 'The boy with the heart disorder?' she asked, her face showing a professional sorrow.

'Yes,' the other almost sobbed, panic rising. 'Is-'

The hazel eyes closed. 'I'm sorry,' she said softly. 'He didn't make it.'

But how? Why? He had been getting better, hadn't he?

'No…he can't be-'

The nurse collected the sheets she had come for and left, leaving the distressed and shocked teen behind.

'He can't-'

He threw himself half on the bed, hands grasping the pillow where his brother's head had been laying for so long. It isn't true, he thought fiercely. This is wrong. This is just wrong.

'Of course it is,' a familiar voice said warmly, arms circling around his waist and a face burying itself into his back. 'Do you know why?'

'Ni-san?' the other whispered hoarsely. 'But how-?'

'Always,' Kouichi's voice murmured in his ear. 'I'll stay with you always. I promise.'

'You shouldn't make promises you can't deliver.' Kouji turned his head.

'Whether a person lives or dies, as long as you remember them and respect that memory, they live on in your heart.'

'You're not even here. You can't be.'

'Why not?'

'Because…damn it, you've been in that hospital for the last…what? Five months? Six.? You've been in a coma for more than four of them. And that nurse…you just can't be. You're a figment of my imagination.' He squeezed his eyes shut. He didn't know which was worse. Someone telling him so briefly his brother was dead, or his brother sounding impossibly (even for him) as healthy as can be.

'You've always been the pessimistic twin,' Kouichi laughed warmly, hold tightening ever so slightly, the other's hand feeling a little strange. 'You're right…sort of. I'm a figment of your imagination, but so is the rest of this.'

'So I'm dreaming?' Hopeful, as though a child waiting for a once in a lifetime opportunity.

'More like having a nightmare.'

'What are you then? My conscience, telling me I'm worrying too much and let things be?'

'Nope.' And he laughed pleasantly again, before withdrawing. 'I'm the voice telling you you're perfectly allowed to worry for one but you do need some worry-free rest like right now, and two, you'd better wake up before you miss something I think you'll like to see…'

He shot up in a panic, almost falling off the chair in his haste, before his mind registered several things at once. First, his brother was there on the bed, confirming the nightmare (unless this was the nightmare). Second, their clasped hands were at a rather painful angle due to the rails and restraint, which the younger twin hastily fixed. Third, the hand he held had twitched slightly. He could swear on his spirits it had.

His eyes shot to the EEG, which seemed to have picked up the sudden spike. 'Kouichi?' he asked softly, worriedly, turning back to his brother's comatose form.

Nothing.

'Ni-san?' a little louder, but a little firmer. 'Are you with me?'

A twitch, just enough to be caught by the naked eye, within his loose hold.

And the monitor continued emitting its tune, which he now noted, sounded a little stronger.

He could have collapsed right then and there…but he felt oddly refreshed, somehow. And a little giddy, though he supposed that was from relief.

Though to say Doctor Kawano wasn't surprised at seeing the almost euphoric grin on the normally stoic face would be a blatant lie.