So it's super long and I didn't even get to the dinner with Clare's parents.
Ch. 25 I'll Be Holding onto You til You Let Go
(FITZ)
I looked at the clock on the night stand, it was only 6:30 in the morning and I had the day off but I was wide awake now. I was awake, bored and hungry but eating like by myself sounded too depressing so I grabbed my phone and called Owen.
"Dude it's not even seven and it's summer, isn't this your day off don't you sleep in?" Owen grumbled in a sleep cracked voice on the other end of the line.
"I'm usually awake at like four; this is sleeping in for me. You want to get breakfast?" I query.
"Yeah sure, meet you at the Queen Street Diner in twenty, if you get there first order lots of coffee." Owen yawns.
"No problem see you in a bit," I said and hung up.
Getting up and dressed in a pair of jeans, black t-shirt and black sneakers I left my apartment. It was only a ten minute drive from my place to the diner and I made it there before Owen. I was seated and ordered two coffees from the waitress before looking at the menu. I wasn't very hungry; I hadn't been very hungry in days, not since Clare had threatened me into staying away from her. The waitress brought our coffee and Owen sat down at the table.
"Sweet coffee," Owen said putting a bunch of cream and sugar in his.
I put sugar in mine and looked at Owen, I wanted to ask about Clare but I didn't want him to think that was the only reason I'd asked him to meet for breakfast. Stirring the sugar into the coffee with a blank look on my face I felt Owen quick me under the table lightly.
"Dude you look all sad, it's depressing this early in the morning." Owen scolded as the waitress came to get our order. Owen ordered chocolate chip pancakes with hash browns and bacon, I only ordered a single pancake and a side of bacon. "That's it? You're used to eating this early and that's it? You normally eat six times that!" Owen stated when the waitress left.
"Haven't been hungry lately," I shrugged.
"Dude this is just sad, it's not like she rejected you or told you it would never happen. She told you to stay away because she's afraid of what Jay will do if he finds out about you two." Owen reminds me.
"Yeah I know but that's worse in a way, I mean I had her, she was mine. Well she was sort of mine, she was cheating on Jay but he's an abusive asshole pedophile so who cares. I know she loves me but I lost her to him and not because she loves him more but because she's afraid of him or whatever." I respond.
"I know it sucks but this isn't going to last forever she'll leave him eventually she's just too scared right now. I keep telling her we'll find a way to get her away from Jay that she's comfortable with, so does Drew and Bianca." Owen tells me.
"Yeah I know but it still hurts to know she's with him and not with me and she's not going to be. How is she? Did you pick her up last night?" I question.
"She's fine but I didn't pick her up, she called me and told me Jay was there to get her and she'd be sleeping at his place. I asked her if she was sure and she said she was so I told her to call me if she needed me." Owen informs me.
"Well have you heard from her this morning do you know she's okay?" I inquire as the waitress brings our food.
"Fitz it's barely seven in the morning I highly doubt the girl's even awake yet. I'm sure that she'll call me when she needs a ride to Adam's. Speaking of which he starts physio today you should come hang out." Owen suggests.
"What about Clare?" I question as Owen takes a huge bite of food.
"Like I said she'll call me when she's ready to be picked up and you can leave then if you really want to but she can't blame you for being at Adam's." Owen points out.
"Cool," I nod and go back to eating.
"So how's studying with Bianca going?" Owen asks.
"Good, I get a lot more done when I'm not distracted by wanting to like kiss the tutor or whatever." I reply.
We're mostly like silent for the rest of breakfast because Owen spends most of the time stuffing his face. When the check comes I pay since I dragged him out so early.
"Let's go to Drew's, the basement door is never locked, B should be there soon and we can always wake Drew up." Owen says as we leave the diner.
"Okay I'll follow you or whatever." I reply and we get into our cars.
The drive to the Torres house takes about twenty minutes and I park behind Owen, we go to the basement door and it's unlocked so we go in. Sitting on the sofa Owen turns on the TV and flips through the channels until he gets to the sports channel. We watch for a while and then Drew comes down the stairs with a bowl of cereal, he sees us and waves his spoon after taking a bite.
"Hey, how long have you guys been here?" Drew asks after swallowing his bite.
"About 45 minutes we already ate Fitz slept in until about 6:30 and then called me to have breakfast. Adam still sleeping?" Owen questions.
"Yeah probably, he's not looking forward to physio today." Drew replies and takes another bite of cereal.
"When's his appointment?" I ask.
"One," Drew responds.
The three of us go back to watching sports until Adam comes down the stairs about an hour later.
"Morning guys," Adam yawns and sits on the sofa.
"Aren't you eating?" Drew asks his brother.
"Mom's making me French toast," Adam tells him then looks at us. "You two are here awfully early and isn't Clare usually with one of you?" Adam inquires.
"Yeah well she spent the night at the boyfriends place," I say with great bitterness in my tone.
"She did what?" Drew questions.
"Yeah well her Mom did say she could stay over anytime since she likes Jay so much," I remind them with bitter venom in each word.
"I still can't believe her parents fell for that creep's story, I know Clare said she's in love with the guy but I don't like him and I don't trust him." Adam says.
We fall silent as we hear the footsteps coming down the basement steps; Audra is holding a plate of French toast and juice for Adam.
"Good morning boys, is anyone else hungry?" Audra asks giving Adam his breakfast.
"No we all ate Mom," Drew answers for us.
Audra smiles and goes back upstairs while Adam begins eating.
"No one trusts him and for good reason," Drew says.
Adam stops eating and looks at his brother. "Why what do you know?" Adam inquires.
"Just that uh…he's…" Drew stumbles over an answer for his brother since he can't like tell him that Jay's a fucking abusive bastard.
"We just don't trust him, seen his type before." Owen explains and Drew nods.
Adam seems to accept this explanation as he continues eating and watching the recap of the baseball game with us. Eli arrives just after Adam finishes eating and Bianca shows up just after ten, Eli and Adam have started playing video games and then Owen's phone rings and I see Clare's name on the display.
"Uh I should get going, good luck today Adam," I say standing up and waving to others.
"Thanks Fitz," Adam smiles.
"Hey," Owen says when he answers, "you ready to be picked up?" Owen asks into the phone standing up too.
"I'm going to walk Fitz and Owen out," Bianca says hopping up.
"Uh yeah I'll go with you," Drew nods also getting up.
I open the sliding glass door and the three of them follow me out with Owen still on the phone.
"If you're not at Jay's then where…YOU'RE WHERE? WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU IN THE HOSPITAL?!" Owen hollers and we all stop and look at him.
I freeze and feel my heart like drop, the thought of her in the hospital makes me feel sick and I know she's in there because that fucking asshole did something.
"Then why are you in the hospital?...Yeah I'm on my way, be there in ten minutes." Owen says then hangs up and we all look at him.
"What happened what did he do to her?" I question realizing my fists have clenched.
"She says he didn't hit her," is Owen's only reply.
"What hospital is she in?" I question.
"Dude you can't go down there," Owen says.
"Like hell I can't, she's in the hospital! Tell me what hospital she's in Owen!" I demand.
"Fitz you can't go down there, what if Jay's there and he sees you?" Owen questions.
"GOOD THEN I'LL FUCKING KILL HIM IT'LL SAVE ME A TRIP!" I yell.
"Fitz keep your voice down Adam and Eli will hear you." Drew warns me.
"Fitz you can't kill him and you can't go down there. I'll pick her up; I'll take care of her and tell you what happened. If you go out for Jay's blood she's just going to worry about you." Owen advises putting a hand on my shoulder.
"Owen's right, whatever happened if Clare's stressing out over you trying to fight with Jay it's going to make things worse. Come on we'll go study for your exam and Owen will call us after he's picked Clare up and he knows what happened, right Owen?" Bianca questions taking my hand and pulling me toward the car.
"Yeah I will soon as I know something and I'll bring her back here," Owen assures me.
"Tell Adam I'll be back later, come on Fitz we'll go in your car." Bianca says.
Drew waves to us going back into the basement, Bianca and I get into my car and Owen into his. I drive us to the school and we hike down to what I know think of as mine and Clare's spot even though I haven't been here with Clare in a couple of weeks. Bianca picks up a science book and starts asking me questions from it about chemistry but I'm not really paying attention. The only thing I can think of is Clare, why she's in the hospital and what that bastard might have done to her.
"Fitz pay attention!" Bianca reprimands me throwing a pebble at my chest.
"Sorry I just can't too worried," I reply.
"Owen is picking Clare up, he'll take care of her and he's taking her back to Drew's where he and Adam and Eli are." Bianca tried to assure me but this didn't comfort me much.
I wasn't really worried about her being taken care of now I was worried about why she was in the hospital to begin with. I was going to tell her this but my phone rang before I could. I pulled it from my pocket and saw Owen's name, letting out a breath that I would hopefully get some answers.
"Hey, did you get her? Is she okay?" I ask when I answer the phone.
"I have her, she's…" he pauses not answering my second question, "she says she's okay the asshole raped her and she passed out. They kept her overnight for observation, I'll make sure she rests but she insists on going to work." Owen tells me.
"Of course that fucking asshole raped her! She'd never have sex with him otherwise!" I yell in my head, clenching my jaw and looking at Bianca.
"She shouldn't go to work, she was in the hospital!" I assert.
"That's what I said but she's insistent I'll watch her." Owen tells me.
"I'm going to go find Jay and kill him!" I respond because I have no other response.
"That's what I said, she wouldn't let me either." Owen says.
The next thing I hear is Clare's desperately pleading voice but I can't make out what she's saying. I hear the phone go away from Owen's ear and then I hear her soft melodic voice.
"Mark you can't, don't do anything I'm fine okay the doctor said it was stress that was all. Jay didn't hit me, don't do anything Mark please I can't stand to think of you getting hurt." She begs, her voice is thin, strained by tears and fear.
"Clare…" I start my voice and heart breaking together thinking of her in pain, being hurt at all and worrying about me.
"It's me again," Owen says and I nod like he can see me. "Just stay with Bianca, I will call Bianca to make sure you're with her. I'll watch her Fitz don't worry. We're at her house she's going to change and I'll take her to Drew's." Owen tells me.
"Yeah thanks, call you later." I say and hang up.
"So what did Owen say?" Bianca asks me.
"Jay raped her and she passed out, the doctors said it was stress. She won't let me go kill Jay." I tell Bianca and punch my fist into the ground so hard I scratch some skin from my knuckles.
"She's right and if you go down to fight Jay she's just going to worry. I know you love Clare and the last thing you want to do is cause her more stress right?" Bianca questions and I nod. "Okay let's go, it's obvious we're not going to study today." B says standing and pulling my hand to make me stand.
"Go where?" I question.
"You need a distraction, remember when we were like twelve and we would sneak into the movies, sit in the balcony and make fun of the movie. There's some sappy romantic comedy playing at the Princess on the east side, I bet no one will be there this early and we can be as loud as we want." Bianca entices.
"Yeah okay," I nod.
I don't really want to watch a movie but she is right I do need a distraction and maybe this'll work, it better or I'm going to go find Jay and take my anger out on him!
(CLARE)
"Jay go to work, you're already late. You heard the doctor he said I was fine." I insist for the third time that hour.
Jay gives me a look I have trouble placing; it's not quite worry, it's not quite anger, it's not quite pity and it's not quite loving concern but somewhere in between all of those. After I passed out in the employee lounge at the Dot last night he rushed me to the ER. He's been with me all night long, he even slept here and he's been quite sweet and nurturing in a way. He's been the Jay I fell in love with, the one I want to pretend exists always and a part of me wants to stay with him all day if he's going to be like this. I know he won't though, he could alter back to the Jay that I fear at any time and anyway I want to see Adam. Jay kisses my forehead and puts his hand over my belly placing pressure on my bruises and I bite my lip to keep from wincing.
"Jay we're both fine, they told us it was very unlikely that it affected the pregnancy at all I just need to follow up with my OB/GYN next week. I'm barely pregnant remember, there isn't even a baby to hurt yet. Please go to work, they're going to bring me breakfast and then they're going to discharge me. Owen will pick me up or Bianca if he can't, I want to see Adam before he goes to physio and I'll rest at his place before I go to work." I assure him.
"Babe you're not going to work you were in the hospital all night," Jay states.
"Yes and I slept through most of the night anyway all I do at work is sit on a stool and ring people up. I'll be fine; Owen will pick me up from work and take me home." I affirm.
"You should stay at my house tonight," Jay says keeping his hand on my belly.
"After a night in a hospital bed I'd like to sleep in my own room and my own bed and you slept in a chair you need a good night's sleep too. Tomorrow night is our date don't forget starting with dinner with my parents, we both need to be well rested Jay. I'm fine and the baby is fine, the doctor said it was too small to be hurt by that bruising and I probably passed out because of stress. Really Jay you need to get to work." I assert yet again.
He's silent for a minute then lifts my hospital gown to kiss my belly. "I was so worried Babe, nothing better happen to my baby. I'll call you later, I love you."
He gives me a kiss and leaves the hospital room; a few minutes later a nurse brings me a tray of breakfast which includes fruit, oatmeal and eggs.
"Where'd your husband go?" The nurse asks.
"He had to get to work," I reply.
Yes Jay had told them I was his wife already and when they found out I was pregnant with his kid no one questioned it. The nurse tells me I can go as soon as I've eaten and they've checked my vitals one more time then she leaves the room. I eat slowly and I'm not very hungry so I only eat the fruit and a little of the oatmeal. The nurse comes in and pushes away my tray; she checks the monitor and takes my blood pressure.
"Okay Clare I will get your discharge papers ready do you want to call someone to pick you up?" The nurse asks as she turns off the monitor.
"Yeah my cell phones in my purse," I tell her pointing to my purse and clothes that are still on the chair where Jay put them the night before.
The nurse hands my purse to me and I get my cell phone out scrolling through to Owen's number.
"Hey you ready to be picked up?" Owen questions when he answers the phone.
"Yeah and I want to see Adam but I'm not at Jay's," I tell him and pause for a breath, "or at home."
"If you're not at Jay's then where…" Owen starts to inquire but I cut him off to blurt it out because I know he's going to be angry.
"I'm at Toronto General," I admit.
"YOU'RE WHERE? WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU IN THE HOSPITAL?!" Owen yells into the phone and I cringe just slightly.
"Jay didn't hit me," I assure him and I'm not lying.
"Then why are you in the hospital?" Owen demands.
"I'll tell you after you pick me up are you coming?" I question.
I know I'm going to have to tell him but I don't want to do it over the phone.
"Yeah I'm on my way, be there in ten minutes." Owen tells me and then hangs up.
An orderly comes in disconnecting me from the IV and heart monitor, I get off the bed and retrieve my clothes getting dressed. I run my fingers through my hair hoping it's not a complete mess and sit on the bed to wait for Owen. The nurse comes in with a clipboard and Owen walks in as I'm signing the discharge papers. He comes barreling into the room, stopping at my bedside and looking me over intently for a minute. The fading bruise on my face is still visible as my makeup wore off last night sometime. Jay told the hospital staff I had passed out before and hit my face and I didn't dispute it out of fear. But despite this bruise there is not new visible bruising, there's new horizontal bruises on my stomach but they're not visible and the last bruise across my stomach had just faded to nearly skin color again.
"Okay Clare you're all set, we'll just wheel you out to the entrance and then you can go." The nurse tells me.
"Screw that I'll carry her out," Owen says picking me up before the nurse can argue.
I picked up my purse and put my arms around Owen's neck, I wasn't about to argue with him and with the determined and angry expression on his face neither was the nurse.
"Okay, I guess that's acceptable just get her out in one piece and Clare make sure make an appointment with the OB/GYN for next week to get a fetal imaging ultrasound. Remember Doctor Johnson said you were probably fine and your pregnancy still intact but we just want to be sure nothing disrupted fertilization. Come back in if you vomit blood or you have severe stomach pains otherwise hopefully we won't see you back here." The nurse remarks and waves us out.
Owen carries me out to his car managing to still hold me while he unlocks the doors and puts me in.
"Where is he I'm going to fucking kill him!" Owen growls as he gets in the car and starts driving.
"No you're not Owen, you cannot go looking for Jay and you're not going to fight him I don't want you getting hurt. Just please take me to Adam's." I request.
"I thought he wanted this baby and if he didn't hit you then what the fuck happened?!" Owen demands in a harsh angry voice but it's not really directed at me.
"He does want this baby he was really worried about the baby and me. He didn't hit me, he came to pick me up like I told you and he started to help me clean then he decided he wanted to have sex. I tried to argue with him that we were in the Dot but he said that made it hotter." I confess to Owen then bite my lip taking a shuddering breath as I try to hold back the tears.
"So he raped you, of course he raped you that fucking asshole!" Owen says irately through clenched teeth and punches the steering wheel. "He rapes you every time though how did that end you up in the hospital and why are they worried about the pregnancy?" Owen inquires after a few calming deep breaths.
"Jay had me bent over a table when he…" I pause on a hitched breath and clear my throat I can't quite get out the word raped but Owen knows. "He wasn't exactly gentle and the table kept hitting my belly," I admit pulling my shirt up a little so Owen can see the bruises and he growls enraged at the sight. "When he was done I wasn't feeling well and Jay cleaned up, I went to the washroom and threw up then I passed out, I couldn't stop shaking. Jay was super worried and took me into the hospital. The doctors said it was probably stress that caused it and early pregnancy hormones raging."
"Well that makes sense having an abusive dick of a pedophile boyfriend that tricks you into getting pregnant so he can own you forever and repeatedly rapes you is stressful! Not to mention being ripped away from the guy you're really in love with." Owen says in a slightly sardonic yet irate voice, I know it's not directed at me but I still flinch.
"Can you take me home so I can change before we go to Adam's? And anyway I need a clean shirt for work tonight." I request in a very small and timid voice.
"You can't go to work you were in the hospital all night!" Owen states flatly.
"Never thought he and Jay would agree on something," I internally muse but comparing Owen to Jay at this moment is probably like poking the angry bull so something entirely different comes from my mouth. "I have a shift and I should be there, all I do is sit on a stool anyway and the doctors said I was fine. I'll take it easy for the rest of the day."
Owen looks over at me, letting out a deep sigh and he calms down a little. "I'll make sure you do. Okay headed to your house but I have to call someone to let them know I picked you up and you're alive." Owen says maneuvering to get his phone from his pocket.
"Mark," I exhale feeling a pain wash through me at the thought of him and new painful tears brim at my eyes as Owen presses some buttons on his phone.
"I have her, she's…" Owen says after I hear Fitz answer and then Owen stops and looks at me, he seems stymied as to what to tell Fitz about me but he finally speaks again. "She says she's okay the asshole raped her and she passed out. They kept her overnight for observation, I'll make sure she rests but she insists on going to work." Owen informs Fitz.
I bite my lip again as the tears break free, I want nothing more than to be in Fitz's arms. I wish he could hold me and kiss me and tell me everything is fine and he'll never let me get hurt again but I can't. I won't risk his life or his safety and as irrational as it may be I carry around this overwhelming fear with me always that Jay is watching and if I see Fitz ever again, if we so much as glance at each other then Jay will kill him and that would be worse than death for me.
"That's what I said but she's insistent I'll watch her." Owen says to Fitz.
I hear Fitz's very angry voice on the other end of the line and while I can't quite make out the words I'm sure he's vowing to kill Jay.
"That's what I said, she wouldn't let me either." Owen says.
I'm not there to stop Fitz and I'm afraid he might actually do it; in fact I'm sure he'll do it. I know he's angry not just at Jay but at me for not being with Jay instead of him. The only thing that flashes through my mind is an image of Jay killing Fitz!
"No he can't either don't let him!" I plead with Owen but before Owen can relay the message I grab the phone to do it myself. "Mark you can't, don't do anything I'm fine okay the doctor said it was stress that was all. Jay didn't hit me, don't do anything Fitz please I can't stand to think of you getting hurt." I beg with a terror filled voice.
"Clare…" Fitz says my name but I hand Owen back the phone.
Hearing him say my name fills me with a relief and pleasure yet at the same time tears my heart asunder. I get a lump in my throat and break into silent tears laying my forehead on my arm and crying in terrible pain, but the pain is not physical and still it's the worst pain I've ever been in.
"It's me again, just stay with Bianca, I will call Bianca to make sure you're with her. I'll watch her Fitz don't worry. We're at her house she's going to change and I'll take her to Drew's." Owen says into the phone, he's quiet for a few seconds and then Owen hangs up. He puts his hand on my back rubbing softly for a minute. "He's worried Clare and hurt, he hates knowing that you're going through all this and won't let any of us help you." Owen tells me.
"You can't help me Owen, not anymore than you are the problem is you want to help me by hurting Jay but that won't help!" I argue as I get out of his car still crying hard.
"He wouldn't be able to hurt you anymore," Owen contends as he follows me to my front door.
"Yes he will, unless you literally kill him or disable him then he'll heal and the first thing he'll do is go after you or Mark or whoever hurt him and then he'll get me anyway." I counter as I unlock the house and Owen follows me up to my room. "He's already got my parents convinced he's the best thing to happen to me this summer. As far as they're concerned he's my saving grace. Don't you think I hate this? I don't want to be with Jay, I want to be with Mark but I can't!" I spit out a little more angrily than intended and slam my dresser drawer shut as more tears run down my cheeks.
"I know Clare, I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that. I hate seeing you hurt too," Owen says in a soft soothing voice as he walks a few steps putting his arm around my shoulders. I turn and start bawling into his chest, I don't find quite the solace I do in Mark's arms but Owen is amazingly comforting and I find myself clinging to him a little. If he minds he doesn't say anything, he simply rubs my back and talks in his deep soothingly lulling voice that reverberates through his chest. "You should be with Fitz, you should both be happy and I've never seen him so happy or you for that matter as when you're together. We'll find a way to get you away from Jay where he can't hurt you or any of us because I know you're worried about that too." Owen assures me and my tears begin to slow.
"How?" I inquire looking up at him and wiping the tears from my eyes. "My parents love him; I'm carrying his child he wants to get married. Short of me leaving, moving away I don't see how and then I'd be forced to be without Mark anyway not to mention Adam and you and my other friends. It breaks my heart but Mark will move on. He'll find someone else that he deserves to be with, that can actually be with him." I reply shrugging out of Owen's arms to take off my Dot t-shirt and put on a summer dress since it's very warm today.
"Look at your stomach Clare; you have deep bruises across your stomach because he raped you at work! He's not going to stop; he's going to kill you!" Owen says, he's not yelling but his tone is hard and his words pierce through me making me jump.
"I know that, I'm not stupid but better me than Mark!" The words shoot out of my lips with a determination and I mean them.
Owen grabs my wrist firmly but lightly and turns me to him, a look in his eyes I can't quite place. "You better not ever say that again! If you died I don't know what Fitz would do, let alone Adam and your other friends! And me, Drew and Bianca would go hunting Jay anyway."
"This is m fault Owen, I fell for Jay, I jumped into a relationship that had I thought about it I would have stayed away! But I was hurting and angry and let myself believe everything Jay said to me without questioning it. I'm trapped but I walked right into it and I don't want any of you getting hurt or do something stupid or dangerous because of me, I'm not worth it!" I argue back and start crying again.
"You don't honestly think that?" Owen questions and I nod while sobbing. Owen wraps me in a hug again and I find solace in his arms once more. "Clare Jay is messing with your head. If you weren't worth it Fitz wouldn't have chased you for a year, he wouldn't have changed who he was for you even before you guys were together. Even if you don't think your worth it he does and so do the rest of us. For fuck sake Clare we can take a beating if it comes down to it, I don't know how much more you can take and that scares even me and there isn't much that scares me." Owen enlightens me.
"So what am I supposed to do? As soon as my Mom gets married we're telling them I'm pregnant and then we're getting married. If I try to leave Jay or betray him he's sure to kill me or hurt Mark or one of you anyway to control me. I doubt my mom would even believe me at this point, even if I do press charges it's my word against his and he wouldn't be arrested or he'd post bail and then he'll be pissed and hungry for blood." I point out wiping the tears from my face.
"Well if we can't think of anything before then we'll just all object at your wedding, I mean there's no way we're letting you marry that bastard." Owen tells me.
"I'm going to put makeup on and fix my hair, be right back." I tell Owen because I don't have a response and then I walk off to the washroom.
As I'm putting on makeup in the mirror I realize that Owen's right. I know I told Jay I wanted a wedding with friends and family but I'm beginning to rethink that. There's no way I can get married in front of my friends they'd never allow it. The image in my mind goes from a bitter sweet wedding with people I care about there to Eli, Adam and others objecting when the pastor says "does anyone here object", to a fight breaking out with blood and fire and destruction. Okay so my mind kind of ran off with that image but it's probably not far from the truth of what would really happen. Making sure all potentially visible bruises are well covered by makeup I return to my room where Owen is sitting on my bed flipping through a scrap book of my family's trip to Vancouver when I was six. I grab a pair of denim shorts and a clean work tee, rolling them and stuffing them into my purse and then look at Owen.
"Okay lets go but don't tell the others I was in the hospital," I request.
Owen puts the scrap book down, stands up and pulls something from his back pocket. My eyes glint on the silver of a switch blade which he then flicks open and I flinch slightly. He comes over and takes my hand flipping the blade around so it's pointing at me and I bite my lip out of habit.
"Then you might not want to wear this to the Torres house," he responds cutting the hospital bracelet from my wrist.
He closes the blade and we leave my house going to his car and driving to Adam's. I see Bianca's car as well as Dave's and I'm sure Eli is here; when I go into the basement I see Eli, Dave, Jenna, Wes, K.C. and Connor but I don't see Bianca.
"Hey Adam," I smile going to sit next to him and Drew gets up so I can.
"Hey Clare, Owen left like an hour ago to pick you up what took you guys so long?" Adam questions as he hugs me.
"We had to stop at my place so I could change," I reply.
Adam and Eli make the same noise when I say this, it's somewhere between a groan and an oh.
"You feeling okay? You look kind of pale," Eli comments and now everyone is looking at me very closely.
"Yeah fine, it was a late night that's all. Where's Bianca, I saw her car outside?" I remark trying to change the subject.
"She left with Fitz," Drew tells me and I just nod.
We watch TV for a while and then Audra comes downstairs, looking around the room and doing a headcount.
"Adam we have to leave in an hour, are sandwiches okay for everyone for lunch you can make your own upstairs?" Audra questions.
Everyone starts to get up to go upstairs including me and Adam but Drew stops us.
"No you two stay we'll bring you lunch," Drew insists.
"If you insist on going to work today you're not moving from the sofa until it's time to go." Owen commands.
"Okay, not moving," I reply, the others go upstairs and Adam looks at me.
"Okay what's up?" Adam questions.
"What do you mean?" I ask back.
"Why do my brother and Owen seem to know something about you that even I don't? And why are they so insistent on you not moving?" Adam inquires.
"They're just worried," I respond.
"Yeah I know that I want to know why?" Adam queries.
"Don't tell Eli and don't freak out," I insist.
"Clare what happened?" Adam reiterates.
"I spent the night in the hospital after passing out at work. I'm fine the doctor said I was fine and they just kept me for observation." I tell him quickly.
"Why'd you pass out?" Adam questions.
Not wanting to answer this question I bite my lip and look away. Thankfully Eli and Drew come down with a tray each, one with sandwiches, the other with chips and drinks. They set them down and hand us each a plate with a sandwich on it before taking their own. The others come downstairs again shortly after and we begin eating.
(FITZ)
"You don't have to stay with me like all day B, I'll be okay." I tell her as we're eating ice cream after theatre hopping to two different really bad movies.
"Dude shut up you're my friend," she replies throwing the cherry on her sundae at me.
I smile and my phone rings, it's Owen and my first fear is something is wrong with Clare or something but seeing the time she'd just be starting her shift, assuming she was still insisting on going of course.
"Hey what's up?" I answer.
"You should come to the Dot and hang out with us," he replies.
"Clare's working isn't she?" I question.
"Yeah but it's a public place and we'll be in a group, Jay can't be mad at her if you're hanging out with a group, I just dropped her off, Drew, Adam and Eli are there and Katie's on her way because she wants to see Drew but she's bringing her little sister so I'm going to pick up my brother so Katie's sister has someone her own age to hang out with." Owen informs me.
"Since when do you have a brother?" I question.
"Since always, he'll be at DeGrassi in the fall." Owen responds a little defensively but he's never once talked about a brother before.
"Okay so I guess we're coming to the Dot then." I reply and hang up.
"Okay to the Dot we go, so who has a brother?" Bianca asks as we get up from the table.
"Owen," I tell her.
"No way, he has a brother? He's never talked about a brother before." Bianca replies as we get in my car.
"I know, but we've never been to his house either and none of us talk about our families much." I point out as we start driving to the Dot.
I park out back since I'm used to it and B and I walk around to the front. Everyone else is already there including Owen and his younger brother who looks nothing like him and Katie and her sister who don't really look alike either. Aside from our group no one else is in the café right now.
"Hey Big Red," Bianca says when she sees Owen's little brother and she sits on the other side of Drew.
I sit on the other side of Owen; the two younger kids are between their siblings. Owen gives Bianca a curious look for the name she called his brother.
"Tristan was at orientation in our group, we didn't know he was your brother." Drew explains.
I look over to the counter, Clare is sitting on her stool waiting to ring up customers, she's chewing her bottom lip and brushing the keys on the register, basically doing anything to not look at me. One by one people go up to order from her but I just sit and watch her, every so often I catch her glancing at me and then she looks away biting her lip, with a sad and longing look in her eyes. All I want to do, every instinct in my body says to run to her and like take her in my arms and hold her or whatever but I don't because I know she'll just push me away. After I don't know how long of staring at Clare and completely zoning everyone else out Owen hits my arm and I look at him.
"Dude stop staring, we're all here she's fine." Owen scolds me.
"Sorry," I apologize and realize there's a cookie and coffee in front of me. "Who ordered me this?" I ask.
"I did, like twenty minutes ago." Owen remarks.
"Sorry guess I was zoning out on Clare so what are we talking about?" I question.
"Katie's complaining to Drew that he spends too much time with Bianca and the younger kids are ignoring us entirely and speculating on life at DeGrassi this year." Owen remarks and his brother turns to glare at him.
"Maybe he'd want to spend more time with you if you weren't such a controlling bitch!" Bianca snaps at Katie and the whole table quiets down and looks at them.
"Are you going to let her talk to me like that?" Katie asks Drew.
"I think we should sit at another table Tristan," Maya suggests getting up.
"Good idea," Tristan agrees doing the same.
"Maybe I should wipe that slutty smile off your face!" Katie spits at Bianca.
"Excuse me?!" Bianca demands standing up and so does Katie.
"Don't act so surprised, everyone knows you're the biggest tramp at DeGrassi Boiler Room Bianca!" Katie says smugly.
"You better watch your mouth!" Bianca warns.
"B she's a black belt don't," Drew cautions her.
"Katie maybe we should go," her sister tries as she pulls on Katie's sleeve.
"Stay out of this you little brat!" Katie snaps at her sister.
Owen, Drew and I all seem to anticipate that Katie's about to shove her sister because we all move toward Katie and her sister. Drew grabs Katie but she still manages to shove her sister, Owen tries to get between them but doesn't quite manage before Katie shoves her a little. I get behind her sister and catch her so she doesn't fall on the table.
"We're done Katie, you're crazy." Drew says whirling her around to face him.
"You are not breaking up with me to go out with that slut?" Katie exclaims irately growling at Drew like some feral cat.
"No I'm breaking up with you because you're crazy!" Drew retorts.
"Maya let's go!" Katie demands.
"No we'll make sure she gets home let her talk to Tristan." Drew says calmly.
"She's my sister you can't tell me what to do with her!" Katie spits back.
"You tried to hurt her; we're not letting her go home with you." I tell Katie in an infuriated tone so she doesn't even think of arguing with me as I move Maya behind me just in case Katie tries to hurt her again.
"I will take her home you get the hell out!" Owen commands in a harsh tone.
"We'll take care of Maya, better than you obviously now get out Katie no one wants you here." Drew says to her, venom dripping in every word.
"YOU ALL SUCK! AGHHH! GO TO HELL ALL OF YOU!" Katie screams in a temper tantrum like a three year old.
Then she screams again and kicks the table we were sitting at hard sending plates, pastries, coffee, sodas and cups spilling to the floor. Katie storms out of the café and there's a minute of silence.
"I didn't mean to be any trouble," Maya apologizes in a small voice.
"You're not any trouble Maya, your sister is trouble and I should have broken up with her a long time ago." Drew tells her.
"You and Tristan go sit down I'll take you home when it's time." Owen instructs and the younger kids smile at us and sit down.
Clare comes over with a rag, broom and dustpan she starts to sweep and I grab her arms lightly to stop her.
"What do you think you're doing?!" Owen, Drew, Bianca and I all exclaim together as Owen takes the broom out of her hands and Drew takes the rag and dustpan.
Everyone else is looking at us now, Clare looks at us and blinks a couple of times, she's not looking at me though she's looking at Owen.
"I'm cleaning up, I work here it's my job." Clare replies.
"You're job is to sit on that stool and wait for people to order. I work here too I'll clean it up." I insist to her.
She turns to look at me now, her clear blue eyes light up when she looks at me it makes my heart like jump and break all at once. "You're not on Mark you can't clean…" she starts arguing with me but I'm not allowing this and I pick her up.
She gasps a little and puts her arms around my neck; I carry her to the stool behind the cash register and set her down. She continues to cling to me for a for a few seconds and then releases me, her eyes start to fill with tears and I take her hand.
"I will clean it up I work here too and I don't care if I'm not on right now. You won't do anything but sit here." I command.
She opens her mouth but then closes it again and turns on her stool to face the cash register again.
"What happened?" Laura asks coming back from lunch.
"Drew's girlfriend flipped out when he broke up with her. I'll clean it up." I explain.
"Uh okay thanks Fitz, Clare why don't you go take you're break." Laura offers.
Clare nods and slips off the stool, I go over to the mess and start cleaning up, everyone but Adam and the younger kids help and we have the whole mess cleaned up within a few minutes. I gather the trash bag we used and the cleaning tools and head behind the counter tossing the trash out back and then into the employee lounge that holds the supply closet to put away the broom and toss the rag in the laundry. Clare is in the employee lounge sitting on the bench; I put the stuff away and go to her. She bites her lip and tries to get off the bench but I catch her hand and she stops.
"Tell me what happened last night," I request.
"Owen told you already," she argues.
"He told me very little other than that asshole raped you and you ended up in the hospital." I remind her.
"He bent me over a table when he raped me," she confesses in an agonized thin and tear choked voice. She lifts her shirt just a little and I see thick line shaped bruises across her stomach. My fists clench, my body gets taller and more tense, my teeth gritting and a desire to kill Jay rising in me again. "I threw up and passed out, Jay took me to the ER and they kept me for observation but said I was fine, it was probably just stress."
I don't even have words and I'm ready to go for blood and I'm about ready to leave to go hunt him down when Clare stops me by grabbing my shirt again.
"Mark I know what you're thinking and you can't. Jay will be furious if he even knows we've been around each other. I'm fine it was just stress and the bruises will heal." She pleads with me.
"He hurt you! You're so stressed out you ended up in the hospital, leave him!" I insist, I'm not yelling but it comes out angrier than I intend.
"You know I can't, I'm okay and I need to get back to work." She insists releasing my shirt and turning to walk out of the employee lounge.
"Clare you…" I start catching her arm.
"Mark please I have to get back to work, I shouldn't even be talking to you. If Jay finds out he'll be enraged and he'll hurt us both." She says in a small but a pleading voice.
I sigh releasing her arm, she walks out to the front again and I follow her a moment later sitting back at the table with the others. We hang out for a while mostly listening to Adam talk about physio, just before Clare goes on lunch Drew and Owen say they need to get home and we all decide to leave.
"Later Clare," Adam and Eli wave together, she smiles and waves back.
"I gotta get Maya and my brother home but I will be back at midnight to pick you up and if Jay's here I'm still taking you home." Owen informs her.
"Okay see you at midnight then, it was nice to meet you Tristan and Maya." Clare replies.
"You too," the younger kids say in unison.
I venture a look at Clare but she looks away from me, Bianca tells me she'll get a ride back to her car with Drew and Adam seeing as her car is at their house. Eli only lives half a block away so he's walking and Owen's taking Maya so I say goodnight to everybody and go to my car to go home. My only thoughts for the rest of the night are of Clare and how to get her away from Jay.
(CLARE)
At exactly 11:45 I see Owen's car pull up outside the Dot, I think he's getting paranoid. Laura says I can take off if I want since I closed alone yesterday, I don't mention that Jay did most of the closing duties. I tell her thanks as I'm very tired and go back to the employee lounge to get my purse then leave through the back door and getting in Owen's car.
"How was the rest of your shift?" Owen asks.
"Good, pretty quiet," I reply.
He looks like he has more questions or more to say but he keeps silent until we're at my house.
"You work tomorrow?" He questions.
"No I'm off dinner with Jay, my mom and Glen and then our date remember?" I remind him.
"Oh right, keep your phone on hand so you can get a hold of us if necessary." Owen insists.
"I will and I'll be over at Adam's tomorrow." I tell him.
"Then call me when you're ready to be picked up," He says.
"Did you get hired as my personal chauffer when I wasn't aware of it?" I question.
"It's summer and like 100 degrees during the day I'm not letting you walk." Owen replies narrowing his eyes at me in annoyance.
"Okay I'll call you in the morning then I just feel bad that you're driving me all over the place." I tell him.
"It's no big deal, everywhere I take is within a ten mile radius so don't worry about it." Owen insists.
"Thanks Owen," I smile and kiss his cheek before getting out of the car.
I walk to the door waving to him when I unlock the door and go in. I don't lock the door though as I plan on leaving again soon. I go up to my room and pack a bag for the night as I call Jay.
"Hey Babe," he says when he answers.
"Hi I didn't wake you up did I?" I ask.
"No just about to head to bed what's up?" He inquires.
"I know I said I wanted to sleep in my own bed tonight but you think you could come get me so I could sleep there?" I request.
"Yeah of course Babe everything okay?" He asks.
"Yeah fine I just want to talk to you about something, something good but it I don't want to wait I've been thinking about it all day." I tell him packing the last of what I need and writing a quick not to my mom.
"Okay I'm leaving now, don't stress remember what the doctor said I don't want you ending up in the hospital again." Jay says with a tone somewhere between concerned, angry and curious.
"I know sorry, text me when you're here and I'll come out." I tell him and hang up.
I hang the note on my bedroom door and go downstairs to wait for Jay. It's about 15 minutes before he texts me and I leave the house locking the door as I go.
"Hey Babe so what's troubling that mind of yours?" Jay inquires when I get in the car.
"I know I said I wanted the full wedding in front of friends and family with the dress and reception and everything but I'm thinking that's not the best idea anymore." I inform him.
"What are you saying?" Jay asks in a harsh tone that has an underlying rage.
I put my hand on his arm before talking again hoping it'll calm him down a little. "We still need to tell my mom after she gets married then maybe she can be there to give me away and stuff but I think we should just elope. We can tell everyone else just before school starts and I don't know have a party or something."
"Are you sure?" Jay asks.
"I'd still like a wedding but I just see it being a disaster. Even if my mom and Glen approve of us my father may not and my friends will probably do anything to stop us from getting married. They barely know you and they're wary of our age difference and the short time we've been dating. If we elope and tell them after they can't really do anything." I reply doing my best to keep my voice even and firm.
"Okay Babe we'll elope and then we'll throw an epic party to announce it to everybody. We'll do it however you want, just no stressing for you gotta make sure my baby's okay." Jay says putting his hand on my belly.
The rest of the drive is silent, he's smiling and I'm convincing myself this is the best thing. When Jay parks he grabs my bag for me and we head upstairs, he sets my bag on the sofa and I get out my toothbrush and pajamas before going to the washroom. After getting ready for bed I go out to see the living room is dark, Jay's in bed already in boxers. I set my clothes and toothbrush back in my bag and go into the bedroom turning out the light and closing the door as I do. Lying in the bed on my side Jay pulls the covers over us, turning on his side and wrapping his arm around me to pull me closely to him. His hand slides under my pajama top resting on my belly then he kisses the back of my neck and I shiver slightly.
"I love you Babe, I can't wait to be married." He whispers somehow sounding possessive even in a whisper.
"I love you too," I whisper back.
The words are painful as they leave my throat and taste bitter, a few tears slip silently down my face dropping to the pillow. "This is my life now, this is my life forever." Is my last sullen thought before I fall asleep.
Update soon probably starting with Fitz the following day and including dinner with Clare's parents and probably their date to the theatre afterwards.