Hola!
This one is short, actually it's over forty pages long but I'm leaving for six days, 'Wacken' Festival (Only the best rock Festival in Germany, puh, whole of Europe where I'm gonna chill with Deep purple and Rammstein and so many more musicians that have changed my life) and I thought I really need to update before I leave. It's taken me too long and I apologise. So i had to cut it short because I'll be gone in like three hours and I dont have the time to edit the forty pages.
I hope you like it.
Tell me what you think though, otherwise who knows where my inspiration goes...yup, blackmail. ;)
Have fun reading oh and Red; Cant wait to hear your thoughts, I didnt change much this time, hope it doesn't disappoint.
Katie was standing in front of the door, biting her thumbnail, her eyes flickered round like she was being followed or a criminal or something else she clearly wasn't. With a huge intake of breath she straightened her back and exhaled, banging her fists on the door loudly.
About a minute later she saw an eye in the eye-hole and slammed her palm against the door, covering it. Rustling of different locks, keys and chains made her furrow her brows and look in surprise at her sister when the door finally opened. "Way to be dramatic. You got any cider? I'm in a serious need of a drink."
Emily's eyebrows vanished in her hairline at the usual greeting, one she hadn't received in years. Not to break the spell, she nodded and hurried to get her sister a drink, trusting that Katie'd let herself in and make herself at home just fine without her.
When she returned, a sceptical expression on her face, with two huge opened bottles in her hands Katie sighed dramatically, snatching one away and gulping the bubbly liquid down like water. "Thanks, I really needed that." Wiping her wet lips her eyes locked with Emily's and she rambled on about things that were so uncommon Emily almost feared she was dreaming. "So, like, she's planning to go to New York, right, and I mean it was my idea. Obviously I didn't have another chance, yeah? She was a right moody bitch all month long and I was soooo close to strangling her if she sighed another fucking time. I mean, isn't that a bit much? Don't you think?"
Emily's expression was blank, there might have been a big fat question-mark on her forehead, it'd looked the same. "Uh,"
"Yeah I know. Can I smoke here?" Katie didn't wait for an actual answer before her fag was lit and she puffed away happily. "Where's your girlfriend anyway? She living here then?"
"Uh, are you okay Katie?" Was Emily's worried question. She had no idea if her sister had hurt her head and simply forgotten all about the fight, or the being-dead-for-the-twin-thing. "You know where you are and who I am, don't you? Who's prime minister?"
Rolling her eyes Katie blew a smoke circle at Emily, making her cough. "Harriet Jones," Smirked Katie but then her expression changed and she stopped playing, making Emily worry. "I don't know what to do Em." Helplessness was evident in her sister's eyes, and Emily watched her intently, not really understanding any of it. She didn't have to wait long to be let in on the big situation. "I'm just so scared I'll lose her to fucking Effy."
At her ex' name Emily's whole posture changed.
She was sitting up straight, her head held high, and claws ready for fighting. Of course Katie could see the change too and waved the girl's concerns away dismissing. "Pff, relax. Not like I hate Effy or anything, do I? It just hurts is all." Her whole face got the melancholic look when she thought of Effy. "The worst thing is that I could understand if she did. Effy is so fucking special and amazing I wouldn't hesitate a fucking second if Naomi weren't around. I could understand it. Effy isn't some awful bitch I could just dismiss as a random skank, or whom I could accuse of things. She's Effy and she's fucking brilliant. If Naomi will leave me for her, I guess, I don't know."
"What then?" Hesitating to ask Emily coughed, but she had to know. Even if it meant Katie would rip her head off for suggesting that.
"I would need to let her be happy with her and that'd kill me."
Emily lit a cigarette with a far away look. That conversation wasn't what she had expected to happen when waking up that morning. No. Having a nice chat with Katie about Naomi and Effy's potential future they'd run off to hadn't been on her mind. "Why would you think that? I thought you were happy."
"We are." Warned Katie with sharp eyes before relaxing again and continuing with a small voice. "If she were some stranger it wouldn't matter. But she's Effy and they've actually had an honest and serious relationship, starting way before they have ever fucked. At the time when Effy was blaming Naomi for your moods and your reactions to everything, Naomi had decided to be there for Effy, no matter how awful you and I were treating her for it and no matter the consequences. And since she didn't give up on her, always tried being there for her, Effy had warmed up to her and reached out to Naomi."
Emily shook her head, trying to understand the problem she still didn't get. "What is bad about that?"
"They're still clinging to one another, even now when they're an ocean apart."
With a shrug Emily asked if that was a bad thing, or if Katie was making it bigger than it actually was. "Perhaps they're really good mates Katie. Why does Naomi have to always have dubious secret motives for everything? Perhaps she's really in this, like she said years ago and hasn't stopped. And perhaps they're only tighter now that they went together through all this rubbish."
Katie's eyes were sparkling with anger and her sister braced herself for the attack she knew would come flying at her like a verbal canon. "What the fuck Emily? Could you forget, for one fucking second, that you're stupidly in love with my girlfriend and listen to me? I wouldn't be here if I wanted someone to defend her. Got a whole house of that, a whole fucking part of the town too. I am here because I need someone to hear me out."
Everything Emily had prepared herself for didn't prepare her for this.
She sat, motionless, with wide eyes and lips formed in an 'O' not knowing what to say. Katie was sad, lonely and she came to her for mental backup. If only to get it all out, without it having major consequences. With a head-shake Emily got herself out of the stupid fish like state and relaxed her over speeding mind with a few puffs of her fag. "You're right. I'm sorry."
"And?"
Seeing Katie's eyes twinkle again, this time in scepticism Emily smirked. "And what do you think those bitches will be doing in New York then?"
Hearing Katie's chuckle ring through her flat warmed Emily's long cold heart and she smiled, listening to her sister's weird theories and ideas that were so fucking unhealthy and ridiculous she had to laugh.
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"What? That'd be perfect. Effy never wanted to carry children, Naomi didn't either. Now they've collected three between them, perfect timing to merge them together in their perfect little patchwork family." Emily was a moment from rolling round and crying with laughter at that stupid remark. Seeing her choke on laughter had Katie's lips twitch upwards too and they called each other bitches before chuckling together.
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"When is Naomi leaving then? Have you told her what you think of all of this?" Emily's tired voice asked from the floor where she was hanging with her head upside down.
Katie was mirroring her position, on the opposite arm-chair, the top of her head resting on the soft carpet. "How could I do that without looking like a jealous cow?" She sighed. "Effy's off limits. If I as much as say her name the wrong way Naomi's cross with me for days."
"Interesting. Who would have thought they'd be the ones surviving this mess together."
"They're not." Growled Katie and pulled herself into a sitting position before turning around to face her sister angrily. "We are. We've survived just fine. Naomi and me, not her and Effy. She only needed her to come back to me."
"How'd you know?"
"She told me." Snapped Katie and heard herself that she sounded like a pouting child. "She did. Three times actually. Said Effy was the one bringing her back to me and that it was what she'd needed. She wouldn't lie."
"Because that's so out of character?"
"Because it's too important to lie about." Shot Katie back through gritted teeth. "She may lie like a fucking actress, tell me beautiful stories because she uses words so fucking wonderfully I'd melt whatever she says but she wouldn't lie about that. Naomi knows how delicate the subject is, she knows how weak and fragile my warming up to Effy is."
Emily got up herself and pulled her knees up to her chin, staring at her sister curiously. "You're really scared she'll leave you."
"Of course I am. Did you hear anything I just said you stupid cow? Try drinking less if you're not even good at that any more." She huffed. "I'm bladdered."
"Yeah. Me too."
"Cant drive like this."
"You cant drive either way."
"Oh right." She slapped her forehead. "I don't have a car. Or a license."
"I know, you told me. About ten times actually. I think I'm ready to punch Ashley out myself, stupid bitch. How could she have said that to you in court? What is she, like twelve?"
"I know. Accused me of fucking heartbreak. How dumb's that? I never promised her anything."
Raising a disbelieving brow at her sister Emily sniggered, knowing Katie too well to be bullshitted. "All right, yeah? I may have told her we'd get married if we stayed as happy for another six months."
"How's the sex now with Naomi? Not weird? Like, after everything? I mean you've had Ash, in the bed you share. That must be a well turn off. I bet it's all changed."
"I'm not telling!" Exclaimed Katie, horrified. "You would only go and wank to images of my girlfriend."
Emily was red in the face from laughing at Katie's expression. "She'd forever hate me if I told you that I've finally managed to bang her with B.O.B. But I just told you anyway. Huh." She sniggered at herself and joined in Emily's laughter.
"Seriously?"
"Fuck yeah. And it was amazing Ems. I never thought it'd be so fucking hot to fuck her this way but it was."
"I know."
"How the fuck would you know?"
"Uh, because I've been with Effy for-fucking-ever and she couldn't go a week without shagging me with her strap-on?"
Katie paled when memories and doubts hit her full force.
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"I love you, darling. You don't have to do that. Okay? We'll stop."
The blonde propped up on her elbows and kissed Katie slowly. Her thighs opened wider, giving Katie more room to position herself, and then they wrapped around her waist, bringing her impossibly close. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah."
That alone, the thought of what was going to happen made Katie close her eyes and shakily breath through her nose. Her body was trembling and when she opened her eyes again there was fear in them. "What's wrong Katie?" Naomi's fingers gently stroked the girl's cheek, "I didn't mean it. You know that."
"I know, I know." Shaking her head she smiled sadly. "I'm not sure I can do that though."
"Oh I am fucking sure." Laughing disbelieving at her girlfriend Naomi pushed herself up into a sitting position, kinda sitting between Katie's open legs with hers still wrapped round hers. "And I'm also fucking sure of it feeling amazing."
"You'll tell me if you don't like it."
"Katie, come on."
"You need to tell me before I get into the frenzy of breaking your back. Promise?"
"I promise." Naomi smiled encouragingly and kissed the tip of her nose once, watching it crinkle. "Now, please love, show me what shagging really is and come into a frenzy of breaking my back."
oooooo
Naomi broke the kiss to take Katie's hand and guide it to help the strap-on find its way. Together they had it there in no time and Naomi's head fell to Katie's shoulder, her lips pressing against the warm skin as her eyes clenched shut while Katie slowly moved in into her. It didn't slip in like, without any resistance but it didn't take nearly as long as Katie had expected.
She had been sure nothing bigger than three, maximal four fingers had ever filled up girlfriend so having Naomi move back and forth not even a minute later was a huge shock.
Oooooo
She slammed her right hand onto the pillow next to Naomi's head for balance. Her whole body surged forward, the strap-on hitting as far as it could, and she watched carefully for any signs of pain but Naomi didn't seem to mind it. Her face confronted in a grimace but her hands were holding Katie's arse, pulling her in even deeper. "You ready?"
"Uh huh." Moaned Naomi before holding her breath when Katie kissed her once, softly, and then started pounding into her with abandon.
Oooooooo
"Katie? You okay?" Emily's worried voice asked when she stroked her sister's back, who was clinging to the toilette after vomiting everything she's ever eaten. "Fuck, that's beastly."
With a shaking head Katie tried to get up but another wave of bitter tasting nausea came over her and she puked out what was left in her stomach. Emily went to fetch her some water and made her drink the whole thing, wiping her sweaty forehead with a towel. "Fuck Kay, that's so disgusting. Here." Katie almost puked again when Emily's toothbrush was pushed into her mouth, almost hitting her throat.
Brushing away Katie's eyes were filling with tears and she couldn't stop the sobs shaking her. Emily eyed her worriedly and biting her lip she decided what to do.
They were still sitting on the bathroom floor when someone knocked on the door, rapidly. "Be right back." Katie nodded and closed her eyes again, not caring where Emily'd run off to.
Her eyes flew open when she felt someone sit down next to her, pull her into their side. She turned her head and looked right into Naomi's dancing eyes, clearly amused at the state Katie was in. "Imagine my surprise when Ems phoned me to say you've passed out on her bathroom floor."
"I hate you." Cried Katie with a breaking voice, untangling herself from Naomi.
The blonde raised her brows and threw Emily an questioning look but the twin just shrugged, having no fucking idea what had gotten into her sister. "She was fine, we didn't fight or anything. Then she started puking and that's about it. She went from praising your sexual skills to hating you in about two seconds."
Rolling her eyes Naomi inched closer to Katie but the girl scooted away with a glare. Her eyes were covered by dark eye-liner, it was smeared and she looked a right mess. Mascara and eye-liner ran down her eyes and now she looked like she'd smoky eyes, well, under her eyes. "Katie?"
"I hate you. I fucking hate you Naomi." If Katie's bottom lip hadn't quivered like crazy, and if she hadn't looked like the saddest girl on the planet Naomi might have been angry. But when Katie was like this, which wasn't often, she couldn't. Curiosity got the best of her and she asked her girlfriend what she had done then. "You gotta tell me babes, cant fix it otherwise, can I?"
"You cant. You've already done it." A loud sob surprised Naomi and she watched in horror/amusement how Katie pouted with a trembling lip. She looked like a crying, pouting, child.
"Then tell me what I did so I can apologise."
"No. You cant. I'll never forgive you, never. Ever. No." She shook her head. "Never."
"Right." Muttered Naomi a bit worried. "Come on, lets go home." When she reached for Katie's hand the twin snatched it away with a face like thunder. "Don't fucking touch me."
"What?!"
She was having enough.
Getting to her feet Naomi pulled a reluctant Katie up and dragged her along to the sitting room where she was looking for her high heels. "Where the fuck are your shoes?"
"I'm not telling." Snapped Katie and crossed her arms, swaying on the spot.
"I'm not joking Katie, where the fuck are your shoes? We're leaving."
"No we're not. I'm staying with Ems. She's my family and you're not. Get the fuck away from me." Shrieked Katie when Naomi took her hand to lead her out. Recoiling the blonde backed away, her face in pure shock. She had never seen Katie that angry when drunk. "You need to calm down Kay."
"I fucking don't!" She screamed on the top of her lungs, almost falling over in the process. It made her so angry that she lunged at Naomi and the blonde couldn't do much then try and catch her so she wouldn't hurt herself.
Katie was trying to hit her but the drunken movements were everything but coordinated and keeping her hands away wasn't hard. "Stop it." Spat Naomi through gritted teeth, her hands squeezing Katie's wrists she was holding behind the girl's back. "Fucking stop it and tell me what the fuck I did."
Katie was trashing about, trying to get free but Naomi wouldn't let her. She had her pressed to herself as closely as possible, holding her wrists behind her back so she wouldn't accidentally on purpose hit her. They'd both regret it in the morning.
Having her girlfriend cry and scream in her arms, yelling how she hated her, wasn't nice and Naomi couldn't figure out what the problem was. "Katie CALM THE FUCK DOWN!" She screamed back into her face and used the shocked state of her girlfriend to her advantage, she pushed her into the cushions of the sofa, straddling her and grasping her hands again. "What did I do?" Whispered Naomi helplessly, her eyes searching Katie's wild ones, she needed to know what was happening. They'd work it out but she needed a clue otherwise this could cost them too much. "Please tell me." When Katie didn't stop struggling and her cries only got worse Naomi crashed their lips together in a bruising kiss. No matter how big the fight was, Katie could never resist turning it into hot lust.
This time she could.
Naomi'd had no time to react.
Katie's hands ripped free while they kissed, and she had them on the blonde's shoulders, gently bringing her closer but then she pushed, hard and Naomi fell off of her and to the ground.
Emily jumped into action and flew in between Naomi, who was sitting on her arse on the floor with wide eyes, and a fuming Katie who was trying to get up and probably kill Naomi. She only came face to face with Emily though. "Move Emily." The younger twin had never seen Katie that furious, she had never feared she'd lose it like this. But in that moment Emily couldn't read her, she couldn't tell if Katie was actually capable of murder. "No."
Her eyes blazed and Katie let out a deafening scream before she tried to push Emily out of the way but her twin knew the attack was coming and with one motion of her leg, hooking it behind Katie's knee, she had wrestled Katie to the ground, sitting on her back.
When Katie moved her head, the only thing she could actually move, to look into Naomi's horrified face the blonde gulped, her huge eyes overspilling with tears. "Katie, baby what is it? You're scaring me."
She couldn't say it, Katie couldn't get the words out.
She was quietly sobbing when she moved her head away to look at anything but Naomi.
The blonde had no idea what to do. Her fearful eyes locked with Emily's, and she saw that the twin was just as useless. Both of them too overwhelmed with the situation.
When light snoring joined Katie's sobbing Naomi hurried along the floor to her girlfriend and wiped her tears away, the ones she was crying in her sleep. "Fuck." Whispered Naomi.
She shook her head and pointedly looked at Emily, making her move off of Katie right away. Then Naomi gently helped Katie to her feet, the girl was barley awake but it was better than carrying her all the way. Waving goodbye, Naomi held Katie close and lead her out of the flat and into her car where she laid her down on the back-seat. Before going behind the steering-wheel Naomi's thumbs cleaned Katie's face off the tears and she had to swallow the lump in her throat. "What the fuck is happening."
With a kiss to Katie's forehead Naomi tried to at least fasten one seatbelt but Katie's hoarse voice stopped her dead in her tracks on top of her. "I hate you, I'll never forgive you for that." Without having to think about it Naomi closed her eyes and sighed, kissing Katie's forehead again. "You don't. And whatever it is will be okay again. I wont let you hate me Katie."
She almost fell backwards when Katie's eyes shot open to look at her all emotionless and empty. "You cant do anything about it."
"Is it because I'm going to see Effy?" Urged Naomi desperately. "I wont. Not if it hurts you that much."
With a heavy sigh Katie turned to her side, showing that the conversation was over for her and Naomi couldn't do much than get behind the wheel and get them home safely.
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Naomi was sitting on the front-steps of their house the next morning, a fresh coffee in her hand and a fag in the other as she was staring at her car. She didn't get much sleep, after getting home she had tried to help Katie into the house and upstairs but the twin wouldn't let her touch her. It hurt.
Three hours she'd been sitting and staring, trying to make sense out of the mess she'd had no idea they were in.
Blue eyes widened when the door of her merc opened and Katie's right leg came into view, slowly followed by the rest of her body. When Katie was sitting on the back-seat, her legs on the pavement, their eyes met and a cold shudder ran down Naomi's back at the intensity of Katie's empty eyes. She was in trouble.
She had hoped they'd laugh it off, excuse it with too many drinks and a nagging Emily but it didn't seem likely.
All of a sudden Katie shook her head, as if shaking herself out of a mood, and her face broke out in a huge, fake smile when she climbed out of the car. Barefoot, she realised, and grimaced in Naomi's direction once, probably trying to make her smile or joke but the blonde couldn't. She had no idea what the mood-change was all about.
Katie made her way over and sat down next to Naomi, leaning her head on her shoulder as she took her coffee and sipped on it. "Hmmm, so fucking good. I feel like I've been shot out of a catapult baby. What the fuck happened to my shoes?"
"You don't remember?"
And why her voice sounded resenting and why she had scoffed, Naomi couldn't tell but she was angry. "You gonna tell me you've a blackout?"
"Sorry." Shrugged Katie with that fake smile of hers and kissed Naomi's cheek when getting to her bare feet. "Thanks for getting me though, I bet I was a right mess." On her way in she heard Naomi's disbelieving scoff but didn't turn around, she walked up the stairs and started crying in the shower. "Should've left you there."
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The blonde was making breakfast when Katie returned, acting as if nothing was wrong, it pissed her off.
"We're not gonna talk about it?"
"What's there to talk about? Cant you just enjoy the time we have without the kids? Why do you always have to discuss everything?" Katie sighed and made her way to the sitting-room where she sat in front of the telly with a new cup of coffee and a dry toast.
Naomi's finger typing like crazy Katie couldn't concentrate on the ancient aliens episode she was watching. "Could you stop hammering on the keyboard? Might as well hammer 'gainst my fucking scull it's so loud." The twin spat through gritted teeth, not even turning to look at the scowling blonde who in return, let her fingers punch the keyboard even harder.
Naomi's eyes almost bugled out when she saw Effy's face blink on her phone's display. Hesitating a moment she picked up, moving the phone away so she'd be in view and Effy could see her in her Skype window. "All right?"
Effy raised her brows and scoffed. "That's all you're gonna say? What the fuck happened?"
With a sigh Naomi looked over to Katie who was watching her out of the corner of her eyes, her jaw tense. "Wait a mom, I'll just go to the garden."
"Don't bother." Hissed Katie and demonstratively turned off the telly, throwing Naomi a dirty look. "I'll just leave you to it, couldn't have me distract you from a nice chat with your girlfriend."
"Katie," warned Naomi with hard eyes, "fucking watch it."
"Right. It's fucking Effy after all, what the hell was I thinking? Maybe I should fucking ship you off to New York finally then, it's about time you reunite and stop getting on my nerves."
With a shaking head Naomi grabbed Katie's hand when she was storming past her, the phone long forgotten. She pulled the girl back to her, almost making her trip, and caught her with her other hand. Then she turned her around and spoke through gritted teeth, only inches from her face. "I've no fucking idea what your problem is but if you don't stop acting like a fucking nutter I'll"
"You'll what? Leave me? Please." Katie scoffed. "You've left me long ago."
Naomi was paralysed and didn't keep up a fight when Katie ripped free and marched away, banging doors and cabinets on her way. Effy's voice, asking her what the fuck that was, brought her back to reality and Naomi took it out with her to the garden where she lit a much needed fag. "I've no fucking idea what her problem is Eff. I'm serious, it's not my imagination."
"I know. Emily's told me."
Blue eyes, angry as fuck, watched the display accusingly. "You spoke with Emily?"
"Relax girlfriend," was Effy's remark which shut Naomi up right away, she didn't have the right to act all jealous, "she called me earlier. You figured out what Katie's problem is, then?"
"No." Sighed Naomi and rubbed her forehead. "She's a bitch, a fucking mental bitch."
"She's hurt."
"She's insane."
"You've no idea what brought that up?"
"NO. I haven't done anything, I promise."
"Awe, been a good girl then?" Mocked Effy, her tone cutting Naomi's heart in half. What was wrong with everyone? "Or did you let her fuck your brains out with a strap-on and didn't think of pretending it's your first time?"
Naomi's blood ran cold and her eyes flickered up in panic, hoping Katie hadn't heard Effy's malice filled words. "Psss. Shut up." Seeing that Katie wasn't anywhere Naomi stopped whispering. "She has no idea."
"Uh, you think?"
"Why would she know?"
"Oh, don't know? Perhaps because you weren't scared, didn't stop her, because your body is used to it? Just a guess though."
Naomi's face fell and hadn't she been sitting down on the bench she'd have fallen to the ground. "Oh my god."
"She feels like you've betrayed her." Said Effy softer. "For how many years has she tried to fuck you that way? Ten? You've never let her. And then you did and she is not as stupid as you think. She was already curious bout it, but when she bragged to Emily about it and she told Katie that she knew how that is because I couldn't go a day without it, she put two and two together. I think that this is actually worse for her than knowing that you cant let go of me." With a head shake Effy said the words Naomi feared. "She feels like you gave me something she's deserved. It's hers and yet I got it. She doesn't like sharing Naomi, think you should have thought about that before begging me to strap it on."
"Stop it." Whispered Naomi, totally humiliated. "Just..stop."
"Why? Wasn't me who wanted to try it, was it? You were all over me, begging, like you couldn't live without it. What the fuck Naomi? You knew it'd hurt her, you knew you'd be with her again. Why the fuck didn't you pretend it's something new? Why'd you have to go nuts?"
"I didn't."
"Oh you fucking did. I know how you get when someone takes you that way, so stop trying to pretend now."
"Why are you so cruel?"
Effy shook her head. "Make it right and fucking stop the drama. You're a grown up for fuck's sake."
The disconnecting noise made Naomi's eyes close and the girl breathed deeply through her nose, trying to calm herself down enough to go and talk with Katie.
She didn't have to wait long though, Katie came looking for her with a sheepish smile. Naomi's mind was spinning when her girlfriend sat on her lap and kissed her softly, wrapping her arms around her neck. "I'm sorry for being a bitch. I don't know what's wrong with me when Effy's involved." Then her smile grew and she pressed her lips to Naomi's again. "I love you." She pecked her nose. "What're we gonna do now the kids are gone? How 'bout we order take out, and after I'm done with laundry and cleaning the shop we'll watch a film or something?" She didn't wait for an response and went back into the house after kissing a speechless Naomi who was sure Katie had amnesia. Or that she was bi-polar.
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"So we're fine?"
Katie smiled, so big and falsely Naomi suppressed a groan and smiled back when her girlfriend nodded.
They were sitting on the sofa, Katie on one end and Naomi on the other, their feet entwined. "Of course. I was hungover. Sorry. I know I'm a bitch sometimes."
"And yesterday?"
"Dunno. Too barmey, sorry. I was just pissed as fuck, thank god I don't remember a fucking thing." The fake smile turned into a fake laugh, and then Katie was looking back at the telly and Naomi nodded to herself. "Right. Yeah, you were well gone."
"I know, right. Ems always knew how to make me play the biggest bitch, sorry. She's just got that effect on me, yeah? But I'm good now, all good again."
Something was on the back of Naomi's mind, for a few weeks now, and she thought that this might have been the best of times to ask. "Hey Katie?" She didn't answer to the hum, she waited until Katie reluctantly moved to look at her."Are you taking your meds regularly?"
"Yeah." Snapped the twin, her jaw tightening. "I fucking am, all right? Are you? Perhaps you need therapy again, what with you replacing Ginia with Effy and all."
She didn't bite the bait. "Right. You think the dose is still okay or do you need to get it up with your shrink?" Naomi mustered Katie curiously. The girl was holding her breath, her fists clenched and her feet so tense that Naomi's actually got a cramp. "It's perfect." She hissed with a smile.
"Oh, it really is? Huh. Could have sworn you've lost it, your mind that is. Like, repeatedly."
"Just because you make me angry all the fucking time doesn't mean I'm mad, yeah? You're acting like a tit, I get angry. Normal human reaction, darling." Then she smiled again, patted Naomi's knee and looked back to the screen. "Every action brings out a reaction."
"So we're good?"
"We're perfect."
Nodding to herself Naomi's decision was made in a matter of seconds and then she was already crawling her way up Katie's body. "Show me." Her lips attached themselves to Katie's neck and her hands were wandering under the girl's sleep shirt, she ignored the chuckle and swatting hands. "Not now baby, I'm watching this."
But instead of backing off Naomi's lips were insisting, her teeth scraping along Katie's jaw and down to her neck. When Katie stopped trying to, well stop her, Naomi crashed their lips together in a passionate kiss, pushing her hipbone into Katie's centre. "God," she lowly breathed into Katie's ear, "you wanna get B.O.B? That was so fucking good baby I couldn't get" Before she could have finished the sentence Naomi was pushed off and her back hit the armrest of the sofa.
Katie's eyes were spitting fire and her whole appearance screamed; fight. "Don't fucking touch me." She hissed when Naomi moved her hand along her calve.
With a satisfied grin Naomi stopped looking at her like she'd like to eat her alive and crossed her arms, her voice firm. "Good. Can we now talk about it?"
"What's there to talk about? Nothing."
"Oh I think there is. You wanted to kill me yesterday Katie. To fucking kill me. If Emily weren't there" "Oh yeah, thank fuck for Emily." Naomi nodded, begging every spirit out there to give her patience to not kill Katie. She ran a hand through her hair in frustration. "Yes, I've fucked Effy. Loads. And yes, I've fucked her with a strap-on. More times than I could count. And yes, she's fucked me too. I'm sorry but we did have sex."
"You're not sorry."
"No I'm not." Exclaimed Naomi, her hands flaring about. "We were separated."
"On a break."
"Fuck you." She hissed at the twin. "Fuck you Katie. You kicked me out, got a new girlfriend, moved her in, and YOU fucking wanted to marry her." Katie's eyes widened in horror and Naomi scoffed again, her eyes set on Katie in fury. "Oh yeah, you've mentioned it this morning when I tried to get you out of the car. I'm sorry I've fucked up your life, over and over again and I'm so fucking sorry I made you choose to go back to misery instead of 'spending a fantastic life with a fantastic woman'," she imitated Katie's words the girl had yelled at her that morning, even managed to get the lisp right. "But you know what? I don't care. You were plastered and that's fine. But you don't get to be a bitch and punish me for things you've absolutely no right to."
"You let her do it!" Shrieked Katie.
"So what? Do you see me freak out every time I am in our bed because I know that Ashley was with you, on the same fucking bed? Doing things she never should have because you're mine? NO."
"It's different."
"It is fuck."
"Naomi"
"No." She shook her head. "I get that you're angry, I really do. I think if you've talked to me about it I'd have understood but this? This is bullshit. How long haven't you taken your pills?" Her eyes were daring Katie to lie. "Three weeks."
"You gotta start again. This cant go on."
"But they make me gain weight Naomi!"
"I don't care. We'll get other ones but this isn't working. You're a bomb ready to blow me apart. You've any idea how much you'd have suffered if Emily didn't stop you yesterday? You'd have never forgiven yourself. Get it fucking together."
"It hurts."
Naomi rolled her eyes, fed up with all the drama. "What does?"
"It feels like you gave Effy a part of you I'll never have." Before Naomi could bite her head off Katie tripped over her words to continue. "I know that she's important to you, and I know that I've no right to act like this but it feels like she's won."
"Has she?" Hissed Naomi. "Am I with her, in Bristol, living a happy life? No. She's in New York, with her girlfriend and a kid, and she's happy. I am here, with you. So no, I don't think so."
Katie's whole face fell and Naomi had no idea what she had said to make that happen. "Oh."
"What now?"
"She hasn't won, because you're not with her. That's why I won. You're with me, and not happy." This was taking a turn Naomi couldn't understand. "What?"
"Naomi, I need you to tell me that you don't love Effy."
"Are you shitting me?"
"Tell me."
"You know that I love her."
"Yeah."
"But you also know that I fucking die for you, every single day. I would do anything to make you happy Kay, fucking everything and it hurts that you still cant trust me." Whispered Naomi with a broken heart expression. "It'll never be enough, will it? In the end Italy's always gonna come back and bite me."
"It's not Italy." Shaking her head Katie lit a fag and took a long drag before handing it to Naomi. "I'm scared. I am the problem. I don't think that I'll ever fully believe that you're here."
"Why?"
"Because you never came back from that trip. You've died in Greece."
"What?"
"You're not real. You haven't been for a very long time. I just couldn't let go."
Naomi shuddered and looked at Katie intensely. "What the fuck are you talking about?"
"I couldn't let go and I started imagining you're here. All of you but now I had to let go. I've been in therapy and we are slowly starting to make all of you go away. That's Ginia, and Cook and Fernando. And Effy."
"Katie, you're scaring me."
"You're all not real."
"We are. And what the fuck? The boys and Effy are not dead."
"Who survives a collision with a 40 tons truck?"
Naomi's eyes filled with tears and Katie let hers freely fall. "I couldn't let go."
"Bay?" Whispered Naomi, fearing the worst.
"Another product of my imagination. Why do you think does she look like you?"
ööööööööööööööö
Katie woke up with a terrifying scream, pulling on her hair as she cried. "Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod," When a hand gently touched her back she jumped off the bed, her eyes wide when they landed on a tired Naomi with tousled hair. "Come back to bed honey, it's just a dream."
"This? This is just a dream? Or was I dreaming before?" Panicking, Katie backed away from the bed and never let Naomi out of her sight.
"Uh, the letter. I guess. Come on, I'm tired."
"I'm not getting into bed with you."
"You're still angry?" Yawned Naomi and covered her mouth with her hand. "Just stop. I have no idea what your problem is."
"You fucked Effy."
Naomi's tired eyes opened a bit further and she shook her head. "Yeah." Licking her dry lips she reached for the bottle on the night table but Katie's eyes made her stop the sudden movements. "We knew that before."
"You let her fuck you with a strap-on."
"Why does it sound like she's attacked me with it?" Muttered Naomi and patted the bed. "Come here, lets talk about this." Katie watched her intently, almost scarily, and when she slowly inched towards the bed Naomi exhaled. "What did you dream about?"
"That I lost you."
"Where?"
"In Greece." The tone of Katie's voice gave Naomi chills and she shook herself like a dog, shuddering, before she carefully moved on the bed towards Katie and took her hand. "I'm sorry you feel that way."
"I don't. Well, I don't think I do. At least I didn't. But that dream Naomi," her wet eyes were pinning Naomi to the spot, "it was scary."
"I know." Whispered the blonde and finally wrapped both arms around Katie, pulling her back into the pillows as she snuggled close. "But you didn't lose me. I'm sorry that the Effy thing is hurting you but I cant change it. It's happened and I wouldn't change it. Because at that time it felt right. You need to understand that whatever's happened between Effy and me has nothing to do with you, or you and me. We're so fucking awesome, you and me Katie. We're fucking fantastic and I hate when you degrade it all the time with everything."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry just start believing that we're meant to be, and that we are together."
"I know we're meant."
"What's the problem then?"
"I guess I love you too much."
"Good." Whispered Naomi into Katie's neck where her face was snuggled into. "Because I am obsessed with you." She finished with a kiss. "But if you pull that shit again, blocking me out after a night like yesterday I will fucking kill you."
"One question, have you talked to Effy or did I dream that?"
Naomi eyed her suspiciously. "You meant the talk like a week ago when she wouldn't actually talk to me?"
"No I mean the one where she told you that she's talked to Ems and knows about our fight and that you're a wanker for letting her fuck you with a strap-on."
Shaking her head Naomi bit her lip, already deciding that they'd need to see Katie's doc again. "She never said that to me. Even if she did, how'd you know?"
"Right." Muttered Katie. She was embarrassed. Of course, how would she know, not like she'd been with Naomi when that convo happened. Knowing that almost all of it had been a dream helped her relax. "But I did sleep in the car?"
"Yes."
"And we fought when I woke up?"
"Well, not really. You watched telly. Then I brought you to bed when you fell asleep."
"Okay."
"Katie?"
"Yes?"
"You need more meds."
"I do."
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"Wake up."
"I'm serious, Katie. Get the fuck up, we're late."
"Katie!"
"Right." The gentle tone of Naomi's voice changed and she was yelling, banging against the drawers on her way to the bed where Katie was laying face-first in the pillows. Hiding under the duvet.
Naomi grinned and jumped on top of her girlfriend, on her back, her lips finding the girl's weakest spots on her neck. Hearing the soft moans when her teeth scraped along the warm skin Naomi smirked and pushed her hips into Katie's arse. A harsh intake of breath was her response and then Katie's right hand was reaching out behind her, patting the sheets in search for Naomi's hand. When she found it, the blonde laughed gently and let her lead it between her legs. "All right." Whispered Naomi, not able to stop her fingers move after feeling the wetness. "But you gotta hurry."
"Hmkay." Mumbled Katie and pushed her hips up to give Naomi more room to work with.
Ööööööööööööööööööööö
Katie's eyes opened for the first time that morning and she was glowing, practically beaming when Naomi's face came into view right before hers. "Morning darling."
"Hey." She kissed Katie's cheek. "Get up now, will you? We've places to be, people to see and all that."
"Dates to shag?"
Naomi raised a brow and smirked cheekily, winking when she pushed her hips into Katie's still aching centre. "Nope." Another kiss and then Naomi jumped off the bed and yelled that Katie really needed chivvy along and stop being lame. "I'm not lame." Pouted Katie into the empty room. "Wait, it's fucking Saturday, why had the bitch to wake me?"
When she came downstairs, showered, make-upped, dressed and ready for the world Naomi handed her a cup of coffee with a smile. "You look beautiful."
A sceptic smile was Katie's response and she narrowed her eyes, kissing her girlfriend's cheek. "I know, thanks. But question is, why do you feel the need to state the obvious?" Naomi laughed at the blatant self-assurance Katie had been born with. She couldn't help it and leaned in for a slow and soft kiss. "God, new perfume? It's fucking brill." To demonstrate her point Naomi sniffed on Katie's neck, with a teasing glint in her eyes her tongue darted out and licked the soft skin.
Katie shrieked and ran into the kitchen, laughing so hard she was almost doubling over. "Get back here you namby pamby!" But Katie's laughter was all Naomi heard and so she followed her and got a kiss as soon as she stepped into the kitchen.
"Where are we going then? I didn't know what I should wear, you didn't think of telling me." Accused Katie but her lips were formed in that tiny smile Naomi couldn't get enough of. It said that she was excited, happy and overall just okay. They were okay.
"Uh uh, not telling. It's a surprise." Naomi's eyes were firmly set on the road in front of her but she still watched Katie out of the corner of her eye. "I love surprises!" Shrieked Katie and actually bounced in her seat, making Naomi almost choke on surprised laughter. "God you're cute." Mumbled the blonde and almost killed them when she leaned over the console to kiss her girlfriend.
This had to work, Naomi begged the gods up above, this had to make all right again and help her see Katie as more than what her sad mind was trying to make her see.