Hi, Yel-kun 310, Penciled In, pensprevail, LadyParabellum, Krystal May,and Take this to Heart! How are we today? Good? Because I might ruin that and I'm sorry, but I gave myself some major feels while writing this. So if I'm doing my job right, you too will be hitting your head against the wall by the time you're done.
Seriously, you guys, giving me the happy creys. You have no idea. I like fangirl over the reviews, you make me that sort of happy.
Over the next few days, James increased his tireless efforts to make Lily smile. It was about as difficult as getting her to go out with him in fifth year; that is to say, it was impossible.
It wasn't that she didn't smile at all, because she did. The corners of her lips turned up, her teeth flashed, her eyes crinkled – it was all evidence of someone who was actually, truly happy. But no matter how crinkled the corners of her eyes were, the eyes themselves were blank. The green was flat and glassy and devoid of any feeling. Her smile started and ended on her lips, and it was the saddest thing James had ever seen.
"What do I do?" he moaned one night in the common room when Lily was on rounds.
"You could quit whining, for starters," Marlene griped. Really, it was no wonder Lily didn't want to fancy him; he could be such a petulant child sometimes.
James glowered at her before turning to the more sympathetic of the two. "Alice."
"Honestly, James, there's nothing you can do," Alice said as bracingly as she could manage. She wouldn't mind hitting him with a Silencio, if she were honest with herself. "I know you're trying, but sometimes Lily's just plain inconsolable."
"Remember when she'd just laugh, all the time? She was laughing a week ago." What a week, James thought as the echo of that laughter sounded somewhere in the recesses of his memory. He slumped down in his chair and kicked at the floor. "I just want her to smile and mean it."
"So yank her into a broom cupboard and shag her brains out," Marlene suggested dryly.
As tempting as that was, James shook his head and said, "I don't think that'd work."
"I dunno." Marlene's voice was serious now. "She stares at you a lot more now – doesn't even try to hide it the way she did last year, either."
"That doesn't mean he should go dragging her around the castle for a fifteen-minute shag," Alice interjected before Marlene could give him any more bright ideas. "Really, James, just keep doing what you're doing now. That's all you can do."
"But it's not enough –"
Alice sighed loudly, effectively cutting off the rest of James's sentence. "Yes, well, sometimes 'not enough' is the best that anyone can do," she told him.
And it was awful, Alice thought, and so did Marlene. It was terrible that even their best efforts went so famously to waste. But they both knew that sometimes there were things you couldn't fix, and that no matter how much you liked to pretend, not everything was okay. Some things never were. Unfortunately, neither of them were James Potter, nor could they get through to him. James Potter wasn't used to not getting what he wanted, and what he wanted now was to fix this, no matter how unfixable it was.
February 14
Lily wasn't exactly in the mood for the Slug Club, but she'd never managed to turn down any of Professor Slughorn's ridiculous get-togethers before so she didn't see why today should be any different. She liked Professor Slughorn, of course – she thought he was endearing, a bit socially inept at times, but he always meant well.
No, it wasn't Slughorn that bothered her, Lily thought as she made her way down to the dungeons. It was the club part of it all that was irking her that evening. Amos Diggory, naturally, since he was good-looking and Head Boy and a shoo-in for some influential Ministry job post-Hogwarts; Bertha Jorkins, because she just happened to know so much about so many people, and Slughorn might as well have been a gossipy old woman, he enjoyed Bertha's company so much; Gwen McIntyre (Lily didn't bother suppressing her scowl), because she was pretty and popular and Slughorn always appreciated those who were well-liked. The list went on, but Lily found that she was annoyed enough as it was without thinking about the rest of them.
All in all, Lily didn't feel like being around people, and it just so happened that she'd be surrounded by them, most of whom she didn't like because they thought she was easy or stupid or because they maybe-might-possibly fancy James Potter. What bothered Lily most was that it was the last thing that really bothered her most. What a waste of time, to worry about something like that… She shook her head and worried about it, anyway.
When she entered the dungeon that Slughorn had commandeered for his garishly awful Valentine's Day party, her eyes were assaulted by pink and her nostrils were assaulted by… Oh, Merlin. Lily nearly groaned when she saw the simmering cauldron at the front of the room.
Yes, brilliant, she thought, rolling her eyes. Let's leave a giant pot of Amortentia sitting out in a room full of teenagers on one of the most desperate days of the year.
"I need a drink," she muttered to herself.
"Got you covered," said a voice behind her, and she turned to see Fabian and Gideon, both of whom looked like they were going to be sick.
Fabian slipped a flask out of his sleeve and offered it to her. "Really," he said, "d'you think we ever come to one of these things unprepared?"
"You're a lifesaver, you are," Lily said gratefully. She uncorked the flask and took a swig. The oaky taste of mead flowed over her taste buds and down her throat and she felt a little less revolted by the whole affair. "Where's Frank?"
"Took Alice out," Gideon said. "You know, maybe it's just all the love in this room, but suddenly I'm less concerned about what he's going to do with our sister and more envious that he's not stuck here like we are."
"Too right." Fabian caught sight of the cauldron then and balked. "Well, that's a bloody stupid idea."
"Isn't it, though?" Lily took another swig of mead and handed the flask back to Fabian. "What d'you reckon all these Ministry people smell?"
"The blood of their political opponents, I expect," Gideon deadpanned, yet there was something serious in his tone as well. "Damn it, there's Slughorn –"
"Miss Evans!" The professor beamed at his favorite student. "And the Prewetts, so glad you could make it!"
"Wouldn't miss it for the world, sir," Fabian said through a false smile, and he had Gideon both crossed their fingers behind their backs.
"Good, good." Slughorn patted his large stomach happily. "You know, you three, there are a couple of people here I'd like you to meet, if you would be so kind…"
The Prewetts each took hasty pulls from the flask as they followed Slughorn and Lily across the dungeon, passing through knots of fellow students and wreaths of flowers along the way. Lily was never sure if she should be hesitant about Slughorn's introductions or not; he was always so loud about her blood status and how she was such a great surprise in the world of Wizarding academia… Always with the best intentions, she thought, but all the same, his intentions didn't work so well in practice in this case.
"Alastor!" Slughorn boomed as they reached their destination. "Charlus! I've got a few fine students for you to meet here –"
"Lily Evans!" Charlus Potter greeted her with a wide smile and the same sort of bear hug he'd given her during their first meeting at King's Cross. "Lovely to see you, dear."
"And you, sir." Lily felt a wave of relief as Charlus hugged her; it was the same feeling of peace that her own father offered her.
Slughorn blinked a few times at the intimate exchange. "You two are acquainted then, I see?" he asked, looking to Charlus for confirmation.
"Yes, yes!" Charlus beamed and shook Fabian and Gideon's hands. "Lily came to stay for the New Year, and of course I know the Prewett boys…"
"Really?" Slughorn was looking at Lily, who had begun tugging on her earlobe and examining the ceiling as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. The last thing she needed was for Professor Slughorn to start speculating about her love life, although she was sure that he and Bertha Jorkins would have a lovely time of it.
"Indeed," Charlus said, not suspecting a thing. "Boys, you know Alastor, don't you? But Lily – Lily, this is Alastor Moody. He runs the Auror office with me at the Ministry."
Lily felt a nervous flutter in her stomach as a gnarled and scarred hand encased her own in a firm shake. "Of course," she said, her face reddening, "I've heard quite a bit about you, sir, but then who hasn't? I – er – oh bugger, there I go –"
Fabian and Gideon sniggered and she shot them a look. Moody, however, ignored them. He'd known the Prewett brothers long enough to know that they laughed at everything; it had been a long time since he'd felt the need to comment on it.
"Evans, is that right?" Moody growled, looking her over. "Heard quite a bit about you, too."
"You – you have?" Lily was surprised. She tried to think of something she'd done that might have gotten her noticed by one of the most acclaimed Aurors in the Ministry of Magic's history, but truth be told that Amortentia was wreaking havoc on her senses and she couldn't remember much of anything that didn't have to do with old books or her mother's perfume or James Potter.
Moody nodded and jerked a thumb at Charlus. "He's been going on about you for months, at least," Moody informed her. "Nice change of pace from talking about that son of his all the time. Thinks you could do a world of good for James. Mind you, I'm a bit skeptical; that boy's a right big idiot."
Fabian and Gideon burst out laughing, and even Charlus allowed himself a chuckle.
"He's not a bad sort, Charlus," Slughorn assured him. "A bit distractible, perhaps, but he's top of the class at any rate. He should be here now, actually, I wonder what's keeping him."
Lily felt her stomach muscles tighten. She hadn't known Slughorn extended an invitation to James (but of course he had, since Charlus was there, but to be fair Lily hadn't known he would be). Oh no… She didn't think she could handle Amortentia and James Potter at the same time.
"Looks like you could use another drink," Fabian muttered in her ear, noting the blush on her face at the mention of their big idiot friend.
Lily turned to face them and took another swig from the flask while the adults behind her talked amongst themselves. "Bloody hell, this is going to be a disaster," she said, mostly to herself, but the Prewetts grinned, anyway. They loved a good show.
Just then did Gwen McIntyre scurry up to Lily's side and she said, all blonde hair and big smile, "Hey, Lily, I've been looking for you. I –"
"Miss McIntyre!" Slughorn cut across her. He pointed from Charlus to Moody and back again. "Have you met? Gwen McIntyre, this is Alastor Moody and Charlus Potter, Auror office."
"Oh – hello." Gwen looked a bit taken aback by the sudden introduction, but she composed herself with another smile and shook their hands. "Potter, did you say? I know your son."
Lily had to force back her gag reflex. "I know your son…" Please. Gideon conjured up a glass and filled it with mead, shoving it into Lily's hand for emotional support.
"James seems to know quite a few people, doesn't he?" Charlus glanced at Lily as she tipped the drink into her mouth, and he thought that whoever had the bright idea to make mead and butterbeer the same color was an even bigger idiot than his son.
"I do, don't I?"
Lily jumped, nearly spilling her drink as a thin but lean arm dropped around her shoulders. She looked up to see James, hair windswept, glasses askew, a crooked grin on his face… She felt her knees buckle and she was sure that she would have fallen if his arm hadn't been holding her up. God damn love potions, she thought, and allowed Gideon to inconspicuously tip more mead into her glass.
"Nice of you to join us, son," Charlus said, clapping a hand on James's shoulder. "If you'd gotten here a bit earlier, you could have defended yourself against Moody. As it is, though, we all had a good laugh at your expense instead."
"Well, I'm here to entertain," James said, grinning at his father before turning to Slughorn. "Professor, do you think we could put a cap on that potion? I've been here five minutes and I can hardly think straight."
"Oh, get into the spirit of it, m'boy!" Slughorn said jovially, thumping James on the back and making his glasses slide down the bridge of his nose. "It's all in good fun, isn't it? As long as no one drinks it, of course…"
"Er – Lily?" Gwen said, sidling over to Lily again as James and Slughorn debated the merits of keeping a Love Potion so unattended. "Could I have a word?"
"Right." Lily slid out of James's hold, rolling her eyes when he pouted at her. She and Gwen wandered a few yards away, pausing at the refreshments table and lingering there.
"So," Lily prompted, "what's up?"
Gwen fingered a doily that was sitting on the table, keeping her eyes trained on that rather than on Lily's questioning face. "Well, the thing is… I was wondering something."
Lily waited for her to continue. She thought she knew where this was going, so she took another drink and wished she would have just swiped the whole flask from the Prewetts when she had the chance.
"It's just –" Gwen quit picking at the doily and looked up at her – "you and Potter, you're friends, yeah?"
And there it is. Lily sipped at her cup and said, "Yeah. Friends. Right."
"I know he fancies you and everything," Gwen went on, her confidence increasing with every word, "but, seeing as how you're not interested, do you think he might – would he consider going out with someone else?"
Lily shrugged. "S'pose it would depend on the someone," she said, not knowing what else she could say.
"Well – er – I was thinking me," Gwen said with a rather sheepish little smile.
"Right." Lily drained her glass of mead. "I dunno, honestly. We don't really talk about that sort of thing."
"Oh." Gwen's face fell a bit. "Well, do you think – maybe you could ask for me?"
Lily couldn't quite believe she was having this conversation, but of course she was because it had been the one thing that had bothered her most. How old are we? she wanted to say, but she didn't, instead choosing to go with, "Yeah. Maybe. I don't know. I – uh – sorry, Gwen, it's just that this isn't the sort of thing I've got on my mind lately."
"Oh, of course." Gwen's face arranged itself into a sympathetic expression. "I'm sorry, Lily, I forgot all about Jessica –"
"Jenny," Lily corrected her, and suddenly she felt much more than mildly annoyed with Gwen McIntyre. "Her name is Jenny."
"Sorry," Gwen said again. "I didn't really know her or anything."
"Yeah." No one had. "Listen, Gwen, I'm just gonna – I'm gonna go, so I'll see if there's anything I can do for you and I'll let you know."
Gwen smiled at her. "Thanks, Lily, that means a lot."
Oh, yeah, I bet. Lily forced a smile and started her way back to the Prewetts and their flask when she was hailed by Amos Diggory, who stepped directly in her path. Lily suppressed her scowl; she had not had enough to drink to deal with this.
"How're you, Evans?" he said, smiling in what Lily supposed he imagined was an appealing way, but right then her head was filled with irritation and mead and peppermint and woodsmoke so she didn't really have time for Amos Diggory's thickly-laid charm.
"Amos, great, hi." Lily offered him the same false smile she'd given Gwen. "Listen, I –"
"Hey, I just wanted to apologize again," Amos said before Lily could come up with a viable excuse for being rude. "I know it's been awhile since I asked you out and all, but you always seem pretty hacked off with me and I figured you might be sore about it."
"I'm not, really," Lily said, and it was true enough that she didn't feel terrible about lying a little bit. "We don't have to talk about it anymore, and I –"
"You look gorgeous, by the way," Amos went on, and Lily thought that perhaps she wasn't the only one reeling from the effects of Amortentia. Splendid. "Hope I'm not crossing a line, but you're really fantastic and –"
"LILY." Fabian and Gideon had appeared at her side, and Lily could have kissed them both. "There you are, darling, we were wondering where you'd gone off to."
"Top off your drink, there, love?" Fabian tipped the flask into Lily's empty cup. "Evening, Diggory. Hope you don't mind the intrusion, but James is giving you the eye and trust me, that's one staring contest you don't want to get into –"
"So we figured we'd save you the trouble," Gideon finished, and he caught one of Lily's arms while Fabian caught the other. "We'll just get this pesky thing out of your way and you can get on with the festivities. Cheers," he added as an afterthought, and Fabian lifted the flask in Amos's direction while they marched Lily away.
"Do you have to make such a production of everything?" Lily demanded of them as soon as they were out of earshot.
"Yes, I'm afraid we do," Gideon said sympathetically. "We love a show, you know, but James really was giving Diggory the eye and that'd end up being a bit too showy, don't you think?"
Lily mumbled her assent and allowed them to steer her back to their former company. As soon as they were within range, though, the Prewetts loosened their hold on her only so James could drape his arm back over her shoulders and say, "Well, Lily and I are off, then. I'm having a spot of trouble with the Charms homework and we should really get to that, shouldn't we, Lil?"
"Er – yes, we should," Lily said. She knew very well that they didn't have any Charms homework, but she'd been spurred on by the small but definite squeeze James's fingers administered to her shoulder.
"Make sure to write, won't you?" Charlus said, looking sternly at his son. "At least cause a spot of trouble so the school sends an owl. You know how your mother worries."
"Sure, Dad. I'll flood the prefects' bathroom or something. I'm not even allowed in there, so double whammy, right?"
Charlus smiled. "There's a good lad."
They bid good-bye to the rest of the party and worked their way around the edge of the room, bypassing anyone who might try to talk to them. James's hand slipped down to catch Lily's, guiding her along with him. Usually Lily would object to such a public display, but what with the mead and the Amortentia and the feel of his skin against hers… Well, objecting just wasn't an option.
As soon as they were out of the dungeon and around the corner, James yanked on Lily's hand and pushed her against the stone wall, his mouth devouring hers before she could so much as gasp in surprise. There was no preamble, no teasing touch, just tongue and teeth and the scratch of James's stubble against Lily's skin.
"Merlin, you're like personified love potion," he murmured, breathless, inhaling deeply in the time it took him to change the angle of the kiss. He pulled away from her again, quite suddenly, and Lily was about to protest but then he was pulling her along the corridor again. "Diggory is such a git."
"Oh, knock it off. It's not as if I'm interested," Lily admonished, a little breathless from the force of his kiss and her quickened steps as she tried to keep up with him.
"He's interested in you," James reminded her. "That's bad enough."
Lily rolled her eyes, but she couldn't really blame him considering the way she'd responded to Gwen. "Well, on that note, McIntyre wants a date with you."
"That's nice, Evans," James said distractedly, "but I really don't care."
"Such a gentleman." But Lily couldn't help the relief she felt at his dismissal.
"Hardly." James shot her a wolfish grin. "Anyway, I'm rather impatient to get you alone since I snagged some of Slughorn's unattended potion and I thought, hey, sounds like a party."
Lily's mouth dropped open. There were at least a hundred reasons why that was a stupid thing to do, but the one that came out of her mouth was along the lines of "You don't expect me to drink that, do you?"
"'Course I do," James said, like it wasn't a big deal. "See, Evans, the thing about Amortentia is that when you drink it with someone who already fancies you, it's not so much dangerous as it is bloody fantastic."
"I think you're making that up," Lily said skeptically.
"Solemnly swear." James put his free hand to his heart. "I did my research."
"Didn't do your thinking, though, did you?" Lily said, and then, realizing that that didn't quite make sense in context, she elucidated. "Where exactly do you propose we go to act on these oh-so-bloody-fantastic impulses?"
"My dorm's empty. All night."
"You're full of it." Lily was even more disbelieving than before.
"I'm not!" Indeed, it was a full moon and since the boys knew that Charlus was due at the castle, they'd told James to skip out on this one. And it wasn't as though he intended to hang around the Slug Club all night, anyway, not when there was Amortentia to be had and a Lily Evans to make happy. He'd been mulling this over for days and in the end, he figured this was his best shot at giving her a few hours of bliss in otherwise bliss-less circumstances.
"Evans, seriously," James went on, trying to be as charming and convincing as possible while still hurtling down corridors at the speed of light, "d'you think I'd lure you up to my bedroom under the pretense of very dirty thoughts if I suspected for a second that my bunch of idiot mates would barge in on us?"
Lily chewed on her lip. "Well, no, but –"
"So do you want to ride the wave of Amortentia with me or not?"
It took a moment for Lily to respond to that, but in the end she couldn't help her smile and she said, "I can't believe you just said that."
"Yeah, neither can I," James admitted. It had been a stupid thing to say, really. "Think it's best if you found a way to shut me up right about now, don't you?"
"You know I can't resist your sweet-talk, Potter."
Something in Lily's voice had James's heart skipping around in his chest like it wasn't bound by any anatomical restraints. "You won't be able to resist a lot more than that pretty soon," he assured her as he pulled her up the marble staircase.
"When have I ever been able to?"
"Uh, it's called fifth year, also referred to as The Year of Continuous Blows to James Potter's Pride, or – Sirius likes this one – The Year the Giant Squid Got More Action than You."
Lily wrinkled her nose. "That name is more suggestive than I care for it to be."
"Yes, well, it's Sirius, love, so I don't know what you expect." They were at the portrait hole now; James gave the password and clambered through, hauling Lily inside after him.
"Your mates are awful, you know," Lily informed him as she allowed herself to be practically dragged upstairs to the boys' dormitory.
"I'll make a note," James said. He kicked the door open, pulled Lily inside, and kicked it shut again. "A to-do list, if you will. Second on the list will be to obtain new, less-raunchy mates. First on the list, though…" He grabbed her face and kissed her hard and quick, then released her and pulled a small vial from his pocket.
Lily cocked an eyebrow at him and she adopted a heavily sarcastic tone when she said, "First on the list is to ride the wave of Amortentia?"
James grinned. "Cheeky, but yes."
He took her hand and led her over to his bed, pulling the hangings around them. He knew the boys wouldn't be back until sometime after sunrise, so he and Lily had hours of uninterrupted alone time – hours, he thought, and the prospect made him dizzy – but something about closed hangings made the whole thing more intimate, and he wanted to be as close to her as he possibly could, literally and metaphorically and every other kind of –ally.
Lily settled herself against the headboard, folding her hands over her stomach and crossing her legs at the ankles. She could feel the butterflies emerging, fluttering, tickling every nerve in her body so she was hyper-sensitive, hyper-aware of every move that James made… He settled himself next to her, and the mattress shifted and the headboard shuddered. His arm brushed hers as he uncorked the vial; there was a pop and a sizzle and a hiss of steam, and then Lily was overwhelmed by the scent of James as it wafted from his skin and from the bottle at once. Everything smelled like woodsmoke and cinnamon and pomegranate and peppermint and Lily was quite sure that they didn't need to drink any of it, but James was quite sure that that was exactly what they needed.
Knowing how much he was supposed to drink, James took the first pull from the vial. The potion tingled its way pleasantly down his throat, settling in his stomach and spreading warmth throughout his body, heat crackling along the edges as the potion simmered and prepared to take hold.
He handed what was left of the potion to Lily. "Here," he said. "Drink the rest. Takes a minute to kick in."
Lily took the bottle, her fingers brushing against his, and James felt that stir in his stomach at the contact. He watched as she put the vial to her lips and tipped it back, and something about the motion was mesmerizing, like it was happening in slow motion, and James was only vaguely aware of the fact that his mouth was open as he stared at her. Lily put her fingers under his chin and pushed upwards to close it.
"Sorry," James muttered, and his eyes shifted away from her grin and down the length of her body. Her dress was strapless so he could unobtrusively see the curve and angle of her shoulder; a line of buttons fastened their way down the front and he felt his muscles tighten and clench as his eyes traveled down her pale, exposed legs. One of them shifted slightly and the skirt of her dress hitched up half an inch and James swallowed, hard, and it was difficult because his throat was suddenly sandpaper-dry.
As soon as James's eyes traveled their way back up to Lily's face, he saw that her pupils were dilated and her face was flushed and he was sure he looked the same. All at once their lips crashed together – no teasing, no pretense, it was all teeth and tongues again. James swung a leg over her and put his hands on her hips and dragged her down the mattress until she was lying flat on her back beneath him. As her arms wound around him, fingers running down his back, her back arched and her body pressed against his, James could hardly believe it and if he wasn't so preoccupied, he would have pinched himself to make sure it was really happening – he was alone with Lily Evans, she was in his bed and he was touching her and she was touching him back and she smelled so good, she was so soft, and she was kissing him as fiercely as he was kissing her and how on this God-forsaken earth had this amazing wonderful brilliant thing happened?
Lily wrapped her legs around his waist and tugged him closer. Even as his tongue ran over hers and his hands ran through her hair and down her body and she felt his heart thumping wildly along with hers, she couldn't get enough. If she had ever needed or wanted or felt his touch more than she did now, she couldn't remember; all she could register was the contrast of his rough hands against her sensitive skin, the delicious scratch of his stubble as he moved his mouth down her neck and over her shoulder to her collarbone. Her fingers tangled in his hair and she'd never realized how soft it was before, and she remembered all those times she'd seen him run his hands through it – even when she was supposed to hate him – and how all she'd ever wanted to do was run her hands through it herself. Whenever she was shouting at him or docking points or hexing him or turning him down for the hundredth time, it was all she could do to keep her hands to herself and now it was so bloody fantastic because keeping her hands to herself was the absolute last thing she had to do.
James's mouth slid from her collarbone down to the first button on her dress and – oh, Merlin, he was undoing it with his tongue, and Lily moaned a little when his breath and his tongue and his stubble made contact with that little bit of newly exposed flesh. James glanced up at her and saw that her eyes were shut and her lips were parted, her breathing coming in fast and shallow gasps. He could hear her heart pounding a little to his right, her left, and he thought his own might burst right out of his chest if he continued touching her, but over his dead body would he stop touching her…
He stopped at the first button and moved his mouth back up her throat to her chin and hovered over her parted lips, feeling her breath as it shuddered out sweet and warm against his own. His mouth brushed against hers as he whispered and told her how long he'd wanted to do this, to be alone with her, for her to want him to do all the things he'd wanted to do for what felt like forever…
"James." Lily curled her fingers in his hair and pulled his head down until their lips were moving against each other again. He tasted like toothpaste and butterbeer and he smelled like smoke and leather and he felt so right. His hands held her hips and his mouth moved over her skin and his tongue undid the buttons on her dress, teeth nipping and stubble scratching, and why had she wasted all that time pretending she didn't want this?
James's mouth was on her stomach now, lips and tongue and teeth moving lower as his hands parted the material of the dress and trailed down to grip her upper thighs, his thumbs pushing into the newly revealed material that hung low on her hips. Lily released a soft whimper as James's breath tickled the edge of the lace. His tongue flicked into it for half a second and he glanced up at her again, eyes steady on her flushed face as his tongue dipped back in, lower, lower, and his thumbs were pulling the material down, slowly in case she wanted him to stop but she didn't so he pulled it down her thighs and over her knees and past her calves over her ankles and discarded it. His mouth moved to her ear and he murmured what he was going to do to her and Lily thought she might unravel right then and there with only his words to topple her over the edge.
And then his mouth was blazing a hot and heady trail down the center of her body and his hands were moving roughly over her thighs to clutch at her hips as that messy head of hair was between her legs and…
"Oh, God." Lily covered her face with her hands and her moan ripped its way through her body like absolutely nothing she'd ever felt before because James's tongue was moving and his lips were sucking and she felt a thousand little explosions in a thousand little corners of her body.
As his mouth worked at her, one of his hands held her hip still and his other was rubbing purposefully up and down her body, from her thigh over her stomach to her ribcage and past her heartbeat and back down again. And all the while his mind was racing about how unbelievable this all was and how completely and totally and irrevocably – No, he told himself firmly as he grazed his short fingernails against Lily's skin. Don't go there now, Potter, you can't afford to go that far…
Lily's hands were on his forearms then, and she was hoisting him up and her mouth latched onto his. James groaned and tugged at her hips and Lily could feel the strain against his trousers and she felt her body simmer and spark and flare. Her legs wrapped themselves back around his waist and she flipped their positions so she was on top and in control because finally, she wasn't keeping her hands to herself.
James grinned up at her. "You know, Evans, you could have just asked me to move," he told her. "No need to toss me around –"
"Aren't I supposed to be shutting you up?" Lily asked, and she tugged at his belt buckle.
"Right." James's eyes widened and his Adam's apple bobbed up and down and up and down again. There was no way… She wasn't… His belt whipped out of its loops and was tossed aside. Still, he tried to be reasonable, because love potion and mutual affection aside, she couldn't possibly be doing what he thought she was going to do because he couldn't possibly be that lucky…
Lily's head was spinning. It was the Amortentia and the James Potter and the everything he was doing to her, his touch, his taste, all those things he'd whispered in her ear. The happy little hum in her blood was enough to drown out the nerves. She popped the snap on his trousers and tugged the zipper down and pulled at his belt loops until they were around his ankles and over his feet and James thought that no, she couldn't really be about to do what he thought she was about to do –
But – oh God – she was.
Her mouth was wet and warm and James groaned loudly as it enveloped him. Now this was too much, this was unbelievable, after two years of wanting and wishing and pining and chasing, just for a look or a laugh or a date, and now she was in his bed because she wanted to be and she was doing wonderful incredible amazing things with her mouth. She was beautiful and she was perfect and she wanted him, and it was wonderful amazing brilliant incredible –
"Lily." Her name was hissed out from between his teeth and he clutched at the sheets. "Lily, I –"
She didn't want to pause or stop, so she slid a hand up to one of his and grasped his fingers and squeezed, trying to convey that it was okay, it was fine, she wasn't stopping and he could keep going and…
James stared up at the canopy of his bed, breathing laboriously, his heart stuttering and then resuming its abuse of his ribcage. Lily readjusted his boxers and was kneeling between his legs, buttoning her dress back up, and she grinned at him from behind the hair that had fallen into her eyes.
"Have I successfully shut you up, then?" she wanted to know. "Or are you going to say something else about the wave of Amortentia?"
"Give me a moment." James closed his eyes, breathing still coming in ragged gasps through the huge, lopsided grin that was taking over his face. "I'm currently reveling in ecstasy."
"Hmmm…" Lily laid over him and slid her arms around his back, resting her head against his chest. "The effects of Amortentia, I presume?"
"Nuh-uh." James kissed the top of her head. "The effects of Lily Evans."
"You're such a twit, Potter."
James lifted his head slightly as he tried to shoot her a reproachful look. "I resent that," he said. "Did you ever say that to the giant squid? I bet you didn't."
Lily pressed her lips against his heartbeat. "No, but I'm not in the giant squid's bed, now, am I?"
"Mmmm…" James ran his hands over her back to squeeze at her waist. He loved the way she felt, the warmth of her body against his, the way her lips brushed against his lips or his neck or his collarbone when she talked. "It's funny how my parents think you're so good for me, since I'm rather sure that's not the case at all."
"I am good for you." Lily kissed the base of his throat. But as the potion wore off, she felt a twinge of guilt; she remembered that she still couldn't make up her mind with how to proceed. She knew what she wanted, but she didn't think it was as easy as just wanting and getting and having.
But she didn't want to think about that right now, so she propped herself up on her elbows and looked at James questioningly. "Speaking of your parents, though, what was your dad doing here?"
James shrugged. "You know how Slughorn is," he said as his fingertips traced circles over her back. "Besides, him and Moody were checking in with Dumbledore about the war and…" James frowned slightly and pushed the hair away from Lily's face. "Well, and Jenny."
"Oh." Lily's face fell and she laid her head back down on James's chest so he couldn't see.
"They don't know anything. Nothing they can do, really."
"Yeah."
James was quiet for a moment, and his caress along her back became more firm, more reassuring. "Are you worried?" he asked, wondering what he'd see in her eyes if she looked at him again.
Lily snorted. "Please, James, I've been worried for years. Now there's just a more pressing need for it."
"I'm not going to let anything happen to you," James said. He tightened his hold on her, burying his face in her hair and inhaling that pomegranate scent and he knew that he meant it.
"Not everything's up to you." But Lily's hold tightened, too. She always felt like he was slipping away, and she knew it was only because she was pushing.
"Yeah, well…" James flipped over so he was lying on top of her, trailing kisses down the slope of her neck. "I care about you."
Lily ran her fingers through his hair. Of course he cared, he cared and it was killing her because no matter how much she cared back, she was a mess and she couldn't convey any of it the right way. And it almost didn't matter how he kissed her or touched her or looked at her, because if she couldn't get it together he was going to slip right through her fingers and she'd have no one to blame but herself.
"You okay?" James had stopped kissing her neck and was looking down at her, brow furrowed in confusion and concern.
Lily fiddled with the collar of his shirt. "I don't know."
"Oh." James pressed his lips together and studied her face, trying to figure out if he'd done something wrong to make her suddenly so reticent. "Did we – did I do something wrong? Was that too fast? I know that – okay, that was a lot, what we just did, but I –"
"James, no." Lily put her fingers to his mouth to stop him from talking. "I wouldn't do anything I didn't want to do, all right?"
James nodded and his fingers curled around her wrist. He kissed her fingers, one by one, hazel eyes boring slowly and steadily into green ones. There was a definite sparkle there now, he thought, but still he could tell something was off. He didn't know what it was or if he could fix it, so he fell back on an old habit.
"Be my girlfriend."
Lily blinked up at him. "James…"
"Please?" he said, and Lily could hardly resist the small pout that formed on his lips and the hopeful glint in his eye.
"That's not fair," she said, half-laughing, but her heart broke a little as once again she denied herself of the thing she wanted, she wanted so badly, and why did she keep doing this to herself?
"You're telling me." James sighed and rolled over so he was lying on his side, one arm around her waist and one of his legs tucked between the two of hers. "But you're right. I know. Just thought I'd try."
"You're relentless." Lily buried her head in his shoulder so he couldn't see how much she was hurting. Stupid, stupid, stupid, she kept thinking, and the mantra played on repeat in her head and she didn't think it would ever stop.
Unaware of what was going on in Lily's head, James said, "Yeah, but if I wasn't, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now." He sighed contentedly and pulled her closer. "In my bed. Post-Amortentia and still feeling the effects of it."
"Am I going to have to shut you up again?" Lily asked, trying not to laugh and failing miserably.
James nuzzled her neck. "Well, I'm not going to tell you no."
Lily smacked him, her annoyance somewhat diluted by the huge yawn that followed. "I'm going to sleep."
"Here, I hope."
"Potter, do you see me moving?"
James smiled and pressed a kiss to her hairline. "No, Evans, I don't."
Lily yawned again and snuggled deeper into his arms. "That's right," she said, and she felt herself drifting off already. "I'm not going anywhere."
Lily woke up shivering, shaking, cold. Her face was damp with sweat and tears were streaming out of her eyes and for one terrifying moment, she wasn't sure where she was. She reached out her hand and brushed against James's shoulder. Relief swept through her as she realized that she was okay, there was no reason to cry or sweat or shake. She shut her eyes and took a few measured breaths.
When she'd collected herself, when she'd wiped her eyes and decided it was no use trying to remember what had happened to rouse her so abruptly, she swung her legs off the bed and made to leave. She didn't think she'd be better off in her own dorm, but James was asleep and she didn't want to wake him with her fretfulness. It would be a sure thing, too, since Lily was always fidgety when she couldn't fall asleep.
As she was slipping on her shoes and the mattress shifted, she felt the strong curl of fingers as James's hand gripped her wrist.
"Thought you said you weren't going anywhere," he mumbled, voice husky with tiredness.
"Yeah." Lily offered him a weak smile before realizing he probably couldn't see it in the dark. "I just thought I'd – you know, bad dream and all –"
James sat up and leaned over the bed to where his trunk was, flipped it open, and extracted a sweatshirt and a pair of boxers. "Here," he said, tossing them to her. "Put those on and then get back in bed with me."
"James, really, I can just –"
"I don't want you to leave," James said simply.
Lily felt her face redden. She didn't know why, really, considering what had happened just a couple of hours ago. The last thing she should feel around James Potter was embarrassed. She pulled his boxers on and unbuttoned her dress, letting it fall to the floor, and she felt James's warm palm slide up her exposed spine. She shuddered and felt the mattress shift again as James settled himself behind her, his hands spanning her waist and his mouth trailing across her shoulder blades.
"Everything okay?" he murmured against her skin.
Lily nodded. "Just a bad dream, like I said," she said, shoving her arms through the sweatshirt and letting it hang there while James continued his exploration of her back.
"You sure?" James hugged her back to his chest and he kissed her shoulder. She'd seemed so off after… everything… earlier. He hadn't considered that anything could go wrong, but in the end he supposed that maybe not everyone was so comfortable with lowering their inhibitions. Maybe he'd gone too far, even though she said he hadn't and it was okay; it wasn't as if Lily Evans was famous for her communication skills, after all.
So even though it was dark and he wasn't wearing his glasses, he turned her face towards his because maybe she could see him and then she would know that he wasn't trying to take advantage or push her too far. "I know you said it was all right, earlier, but I need to make sure I didn't mess up. I don't want to mess up with you."
"James. Stop. You haven't done anything wrong." Lily couldn't take this, couldn't take James thinking he was the one messing up, thinking that things were his fault when really he was keeping her together. But she couldn't tell him that – she couldn't, and she didn't know why, but right now "just because" was going to have to do. She was tired and confused and she felt a little queasy from whatever nightmare she'd been having, and James's body was pressed against hers and he. Was. So. Bloody. Perfect.
So she didn't say anything. She slid her hand up the side of James's face and she kissed him. She pushed him back onto the mattress and crawled on top of him and all the while she kept her lips on his, moving sure and steady and warm because this was absolutely everything she wanted. James's hands fisted in her hair, tugging her closer, deepening the kiss, and Lily drowned herself in it – the taste, the texture, the warmth, just the entire physical presence of James Potter as he kissed her and touched her and made her feel a thousand things she was afraid of feeling.
James sighed her name against her lips and it was so sweet, so quiet and so full of what couldn't be anything but love, and Lily kissed him harder, feeling for sure that her heart had taken its final blow.
A/N: I haven't the slightest idea if what I made James say about Amortentia is true. I just did it because of smutty reasons and I figured that was a good enough reason for anybody. I know there's a lot of concentration on the Lily/James relationship, too, but it'll all be coming to a head soon so I need to get these points across now. Anyway, hope you liked it, and I'll see you for Chapter 26 (expect some more Marauder action)!
If you've got questions, comments, whatever, and you'd like to chat about them rather than just putting them in a review, I'm totally open and would love to do that. Just message me on Tumblr at cokebottleglassesarecool (I'm cool with anons as well, as long as you're nice). I'm usually logged on there, so I can get back to you faster.
All my affection – K.