Apologies for the wait... and for the painful arc. I promise, it'll get better and then probably worse again but then better again. Because that's life and even fictional characters aren't immune.

Shoutout to my writing partner in crime and best friend, OneTurtleDove, for always encouraging and only threatening to maim when I put off writing. Love you, mama goat!

Disclaimer: do I still really need to tell you that it's not mine when I'm twenty-five chapters in? probably.

One Mississippi, I close my eyes,
Two Mississippi, I'm begging you that we can still survive,
Three Mississippi, no looking back,
Gone for good and I know that,
I won't change my mind, whoa-oh,
Three Mississippi is where I'm at tonight...
-Terri Clark's "Three Mississippi"

Her life is divided neatly into 'before' and 'after' sections; before she met Danny and after, before her daddy hit her for the first time and after, before she kissed Danny for the first time and after, before she met Don Flack and after, before her boys left and after, before she nearly died and after, before therapy and after, before the academy and after, before the wedding and after. Now she had a new set of 'before' and 'after'. Now her life is neatly divided by the death of her baby: before Aiden and after. Hope was fleeting, hard to find and she did seek it out, tried to find the light in the darkness that clung to every corner of her world. Danny's eyes had changed, darkened and hardened in a way she had never seen before as he drew into himself.

He still loved her, she never doubted that. There was just a piece of him that was shattered and he'd built walls around that broken piece to protect it. She'd done it a thousand times herself. She'd pulled the same act. Closed herself off to people. But they'd never shut each other out before.

People on the outside would never hazard to guess that there was something wrong with the two of them. They were still just as much in love with each other as they had always been. They still stole kisses, laced their fingers together as they walked to the subway station, met up with Lindsay and Adam for coffee. After a week, they'd both returned to work and it seemed like everything was returning to normal. Like they could take that end of winter day and just shove it under the rug, forget it had ever happened. Another inked page in their story marred by tears – it was hardly an unusual occurrence.

But they were broken.

When they kissed it was like a rote action, so engrained in them that it was a muscle memory; he always pulled away first anymore, just a quick brush of lips before he slipped away from her. There was a disconnect between them. Conversations were forced, laughter was non-existent. He'd started taking on more hours in the lab, claiming the cases required the overtime he was taking. But it sure as hell felt like he was avoiding her.

She'd been beaten, thrown through a glass table and locked in a basement, had her trust totally shattered, had been held hostage, and lost her baby but nothing had ever hurt quite like Danny Messer pulling away from her. He'd been the one constant in her life for as long as she could remember. It felt like the pillar in her life was crumbling.

And so her day off found her moping around the apartment with Elvis at her heel. Danny had volunteered to take on a double but Lindsay was pulling one too so Austin believed him when he'd let her know he wouldn't be home that night. She'd ordered some Ray's, turned on Die Hard and poked at her food. It was hard to hide that she had fallen off in the past month. She still pushed herself as hard physically as she ever had and she was hardly keeping enough food in her system to balance it out. Just enough to keep her from crashing when she was supposed to have Flack's six. It wasn't that she didn't want to eat, she just wasn't hungry. She'd take a few bites and feel sick.

Growling in frustration, she tossed the half-eaten second slice of pizza back into the box and sunk down in the couch for a moment as she tried to maintain her composure. She'd never been one for lots of crying and emotions. When that burning feeling started in her lungs, she bit it back and clenched her eyes shut until it passed. Growing up the way she had, crying just meant more pain in the long run.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket and she pulled it out, smirking when she saw her partner's ugly mug pulling a grotesque face on the screen – he'd set it when she'd replaced her phone after the hostage situation had broken the one she'd had, it had been a cheap ploy to make her laugh and it worked every single time. Sliding the green bar across the screen, she sighed and raised it to her ear. "What?"

"Wow, Grace, I can feel the love."

She sighed. "Sorry, Duck. I'm in a mood. What do you need?"

"I just wanted to make sure you're okay," he told her with enough sincerity to make tears pool beneath her green eyes. "I know Danny's been working a lot lately to help... deal with everything. And I just wanted to make sure you're okay. I know how you get when you're alone."

"Self-destructive."

"Yeah." Flack coughed. "So are you okay?"

"Honestly," she told him and hated herself for the way her voice cracked. "I'm miles and miles from fine, Don. After we lost the baby... Aiden. After. I thought we would be fine. We're Austin and Danny, you know? We're always, always, always fine even when everything else isn't. We just anchor in and get through it together. At first we were okay. He came to me, I let him in. Now he's got these walls up and when he kisses me... it's like I'm kissing a brick wall."

"Grace." And she didn't imagine her partner, her best friend, she imagined the seventeen year old boy who had looked so brokenhearted when she'd left him for the man that would become her husband.

"I'm scared, Don. He's my whole life. I don't know how to be without him."

"It's going to be fine, Austin. You two are going to get through this and come out the other side stronger – just like you always do."

"But what if we don't," she asked. "What if he leaves me? What if he... What if it happens again? What if I can't give him the family he wants so he leaves me for someone who can?" And then the first sob choked out of her and she hated for the way it took over her whole body.

"I'm coming over," he told her decidedly.

"The door's unlocked."

When he let himself into the loft twenty-minutes later she was pushed into the bit of space behind the couch with her knees to her chest and Elvis nuzzling her face as she cried, arms curling around the big dog that couldn't understand why his best friend was so heartbroken. Flack shut the door behind him and toed off his shoes before quickly making his way across the room, sliding to his knees and wrapping his arms around – dog and all. A kiss to the crown of her head had her unfolding and letting him embrace her fully.

He lifted her like she was a child, barely big enough to be an effort. Her arms curled around his neck as she hid her face in his shoulder, ashamed that her emotions had overtaken her in such a manner, as he moved to sit on the couch with her in his arms. He held her, kisses to her temple and crown of her head coming in quick succession as he rocked her gently. "You're going to be okay, Grace," he promised as his lips brushed the shell of her ear. "You're going to be just fine. I promise. I've got you. You don't have to be strong. Let me be the shoulders for awhile. I've got you. I've got your six. You can relax."

The raven haired detective fell asleep curled up in her partner's arms like a little child, broken by the world that continually stomped on her heart. Flack brushed the hair back from her face and was reminded of the fifteen year old woman he had met during his junior year of high school. She'd been barely more than skin and bones, all lanky limbs that she still tripped over even after growing into them, and she'd sported a series of bruises but especially one that had left the smallest of scars on the corner of her mouth. He ran his thumb over the small scar and let out a long sigh before pulling his phone from the pocket of his shirt, hitting the third speed dial and waiting.

"Danny," he addressed his best friend. "You need to come home."

The man on the other end of the line let out a weary sigh. "What's wrong?"

"Tell Mac that you need to come home – there's no other option," he told him. "You need to come home and love your wife, Danny. I'm serious. Fuck the case, man. You've got to come home right now and kiss her like you mean it because right now you're running the ragged edge of disaster, Danny."

"Flack-"

"No. Come home, Danny. Now. I know you're hurt and you don't want to hurt her more by letting her see you hurt or some such bullshit but I'm telling you right now that if you don't come home and fucking try that you're going to lose the best thing that has ever happened to you."

"I'll be there in a half an hour."

Danny made it in fifteen.

He paused in the doorway to the loft when he saw his wife curled up in their best friend, her ex-boyfriend's arms. Flack gave him a look that told him to stop being ridiculous but his steps inside were still hesitant as he made it down the few steps and hung up his jacket. He edged closer to the pair and frowned when he really looked at his wife for the first time in weeks; she'd lost weight, not a lot but enough to show she hadn't been eating like she should, and her face was puffy from the crying she'd apparently done.

"Don't be stupid, man," Flack told him as he stood with Austin in his arms and turned to shift her onto the couch before turning to face him. "I called to check up on her because I knew you were pulling another extra shift and she gets self-destructive when she's left alone for too long at a time. Danno... By the time I got here, she was behind the couch hiding like she used to do right after she left Jack's place."

"Shit."

"Yeah." He sighed and braced a hand on his brother in arms' shoulder. "Look, she didn't tell me much but she just feels disconnected from you. You two have always been solid and you're just not right now... You've been there her whole life and now she's scared that she's going to lose you." He shook his head. "I'm going to get out of here but I ever see that look of contempt on your face that you had when you walked in the door and looked at her... Brother, I won't hesitate to bust your jaw. We clear? Nothing has happened between the two of us since high school and if you don't trust me then you should sure as hell trust her enough to know that nothing is ever going to happen there again. If you can't trust her then you better ask yourself why."

"I understand."

"Good man." He clapped Danny on the shoulder and then passed him by to collect his coat and let himself on. At the door, he turned and glanced over his shoulder. "Be good to her, Messer."

"Don," he called back as he knelt by his wife. "Thank you."

Two sets of blue eyes locked for a long moment before they both shared a nod and the dark haired man let himself out. Danny shook his head, blinking away the anger and fear before turning to take in the sleeping angel on his couch. She looked small. He hadn't seen her look so small in years. Usually her presence was as big as her personality; after a lifetime of making herself small, hiding and curling in on herself, she had come into her own in her early twenties and there had been no pushing her back into the corner since. It was staggering to see her so tiny; her body instinctively caved in on itself, trying to shield itself from any incoming hurt. He hadn't seen her do that since therapy had helped her break free of Jack Hawthorne. She hadn't pulled in on herself like that since she'd gotten the foundation to grown on.

He hated himself for shaking that for her.

"Austin," he breathed as ran his fingers over the scar that outlined her eye. "Baby, can you wake up for me?"

"Danny," she mumbled sleepily and reached out for his face before jerking back like she was afraid he'd disappear.

"Hey sleepyhead," he whispered and pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth. "Austin... I'm sorry. Flack called me but I should have... I've known that I was burning bridges but I just couldn't bring myself to do anything about it. And I'm sorry. I should have... I love you more than a guy like me could ever explain. You deserve better than what I've been giving you lately and I'm just... sorry. Sorry for hurting you."

"Stop," Austin urged him as she sat up and grabbed hold of his hands. "I know I haven't made it easy. I mean our baby died-"

"Do not blame yourself," he ordered. "Don't."

"I just... I can't lose you." And then she snapped, coming forward and pushing her way into his embrace. "I can survive pretty much anything else but if I lose you... Danny, my whole life is built around you. We've been together so long that it's like you're written in my DNA. I could survive without you if I had to but, fuck, it would break me and I'm not sure if I have it in me to pull myself back together again."

"You would if you had to but you're not going to have to," he promised as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her head. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Promise?"

"On my life," he breathed against her lip as his hands came up to cradle her head as he slanted his mouth over hers. He kissed her with every bit of love he had for her, trying to pour it all into his touch. She needed to feel it. She needed to know that he wasn't going to let the bottom of her world fall out.

She kissed him back with equal force. "I've missed you."

"I'm right here," he promised.

"You haven't been." She sighed, hurt still lingering but beginning to ebb. "But you're here now."

"I am." He kissed her again and didn't pull away when she bit harshly at his lip, punishing him or proving his existence with his blood he wasn't sure but if his blood was what she needed then she could have it. "Austin," he breathed. "Let me take you to bed?"

"Please," her whimper a command as he lifted her off the couch. "God, Danny. I love you."

"I know," he promised. "I love you just as much."

For the first time in days, she felt the honesty in his words when he kissed her.