Back To Reality

In the Pentagon's most secure rooms were stored some of the most valuable intelligence and information. One such room held files shared with the Department of Mutant Affairs. It was all the military information on mutants in the world and different strategies and blueprints of technology in order to capture and contain them.

No one ever dreamed that there would be an attack on this room by mutants themselves.

Frightened staffers were startled as a burst of brimstone revealed two black clad mutants. They had black masks on their faces and the only identification they had was a long blue tail out the back of their pants. They quickly knocked out the guards along with another mutant that simply walked through the walls.

"Get the data!" One black garbed mutant shouted. More mutants arrived and started hacking into the computers and grabbing files. "Take the secure files and destroy the paper copies. Then delete the data after retrieving it."

"What about them?" Another mutant pointed a set of electric claws at the clerks.

"Our orders were to leave as many of them alive as possible," Another black garbed mutant told them. "Minimal casualties."

"Fine, we won't kill them," A third black garbed mutant spoke. "But we will leave them something to remember us by."

"I have just the thing," A female mutant grinned. "Let's chase them out of the building first."

"You heard the lady! Get outta here!" The mutant with the claws indicated. One mutant shot out a burst of fire behind them and the clerks fled the scene.

"We're in the files," Another mutant said. "Downloading them as we speak."

"This is Solitaire to Team One. Report," A voice crackled on their communicators.

"Phase Two has been completed," The first mutant spoke. "We are retrieving data as we speak."

"Things are going well," Solitaire grinned as every person in the Pentagon evacuated the building in an orderly fashion. "There was some resistance until the twins took control."

"Gotta love telepaths," Another mutant cackled as many of the soldiers and other army personnel simply walked out the door.

"It does make our job a little easier," Solitaire grinned. "Too bad we're not allowed to kill them."

"Maybe some other time?" Another mutant shrugged.

"Solitaire, this is Team Leader One," A voice said on the communicator. "Data extracted and deleted."

"And the hard copies?" Solitaire asked.

"Burned baby," One mutant created a burst of flame and charred the unwanted files.

"Then let's leave before reinforcements arrive," Solitaire grinned. "But not without leaving a message. Got that security camera working?"

"All set," Another mutant told him. "It's rolling now. I'm sending a live feed to the Department of Mutant Affairs."

Solitaire stood in front of the camera casually. "This is a message to the humans who think they can contain us and brand us like cattle. We are mutants. We will fight back. Today we are merciful and will spare the lives of your soldiers. But if you continue to persecute us, next time you will not be so fortunate. Next time…"

With a motion Solitaire indicated one mutant with a visor to advance. The mutant pushed a button on the side of his visor and a red optic blast destroyed the camera. "Excellent," Solitaire grinned. "I believe we've made our point. Time to move out!"

The attack on the Pentagon didn't go unnoticed for very long. Especially at the Department of Mutant Affairs in Washington DC.

"What do you mean the files have all been stolen?" Gyrich asked as he paced back and forth in his war room, speaking on a cell phone. "Slow down! You're not making any sense. What? What? Are you sure? I don't believe it! Yes I know they attacked the Pentagon! YES! They sent me a message as they were robbing the place! They could do what? They also did what? How did they find those files? What? You're breaking up! Can you hear me now? Agggh! Damn cell phone connection! Worthless!"

Gyrich nearly threw the phone into the wall but thought better of it. "I can't believe those stinking mutants had the guts to attack the Pentagon!" He fumed. "And why doesn't the Pentagon have better security against mutants?"

"They do, but somehow they got around it," An aide told him. "Reports are just coming in but it seems that telepaths had a lot to do with it."

"Telepaths?" Gyrich asked.

"One minute people were just going along their daily business, the next they had an urge to go outside," The aide said. "The next thing they knew they were outside."

"Sounds like telepaths all right," Gyrich growled. "I always said we needed more anti-psychic devices."

"Sir, I think you'd better see this," One of Gyrich's aides pointed to a monitor.

"This better be good Stanley," Gyrich grumbled as he walked over. "HOLY CRAP!"

There was a shot of the Pentagon on the screen. The entire building was covered in an icy prison. "Even though the entire building was evacuated and no lives were lost, damages are estimated into the millions as the Pentagon was literally frozen," A reporter spoke on screen. "The military might of the United States was halted by the mutant menace. This brazen attack in daylight easily shattered the defense systems of one of the most secure locations in the United States. This attack proves the ineffectiveness of not only the Department of Mutant Affairs, but our own military as well. "

"Do you know what this means?" Gyrich fumed.

"Uh reverse global warming?" Stanley asked.

"Mutants that can shoot fire, walk through walls, teleportation with traces of brimstone, telepathy, claws and freeze the entire Pentagon?" Gyrich shouted. "You don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out who's responsible for all this!"

"Right," Stanley nodded. "Who are they?"

"THE X-MEN YOU IDIOT!" Gyrich shouted. "And they were obviously helped by the Misfits! I mean a green scaled mutant that was on the scene? Come on! I knew it would only be a matter of time before the Misfits betrayed us! Once a criminal mutant, always a criminal mutant!"

"Uh technically sir we did kind of betray them first," Stanley said.

"You know the only reason that I don't fire you is that you're married to my sister, right?" Gyrich snarled at him. "Fine! If the X-Men and Misfits want war, war they'll get!"

"But you kind of already declared war…" Stanley began. Gyrich glared at him. "I know, I know. Shut up."

"All right! That's it! We seriously need to get some new people on this team," Gyrich growled. "I need a list of all available soldiers and security personnel for the new and improved Mutant Registration Division! We are going to hunt down and contain every single mutant we can find! And public enemy number one will be The X-Men and Misfits!"

"Gyrich that's technically two," Stanley counted. "Well actually more than two if you count all the members of both the X-Men and Misfits individually."

"What the hell does my sister see in you?" Gyrich shouted.

"I'm a very good conversationalist," Stanley said. "And of course we share a lot of the same interests. We both like ballroom dancing, bike riding, bird watching, working on jigsaw puzzles…"

"WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!" Gyrich shouted.

"Well then why did you ask?" Stanley gave him a look.

"AAGGHH!" Gyrich nearly tore out his hair. "Just get Eddington on the line for me! I'll be in my office!" He stomped away.

"What a grouch," Stanley huffed.

"I'd like to say it's been fun, but we all know not all of it was," Darwin chuckled as the X-Men and Misfits prepared to leave. They were all bundled up in furs. Darwin had changed outfits. He was wearing a leather vest and leather pants. He looked right at home in the jungle.

"Gonna miss you D-Man," Pyro slapped his open palm.

"In a strange way I'm going to miss you too," Darwin smiled. "Boy that's a frightening thought."

"At least there's one place in the world now where mutants and humans can get along," Ororo said. Then she saw Kitty say some kind of remark at Lance and Peter out of the corner of her eye. "For the most part."

"Maybe some of us should stay here? Like Penny?" Hank thought aloud.

"Are you crazy? If we leave her here there won't be a dinosaur left in the place!" Lance told them. Penny was gnawing on a large dinosaur bone.

"You have a point," Hank blinked. "What about you Doctor Reyes? You know you might be safer here?"

"Let's see, hang out and wait to get eaten by a Jurassic Park reject or go back to civilization and get shot at," Doctor Reyes looked at them. "Some choice. But I think I've had enough of living in a Tarzan movie. Besides I have a feeling you lunatics are going to need a doctor sooner or later."

"Maybe sooner," Remy winced. "Gambit feels a little gassy."

"Told you not to eat that weird bird thing," Rogue rolled her eyes. "It smelled like it went bad. Even Penny and Blob avoided it."

"It looked fine to Gambit," Remy grumbled.

"Do we really need to wear all these furs?" Kitty the vegetarian eyed the furs she was wearing distastefully. "I'm sweating bullets covered up like this!"

"Oh you poor thing," Rogue said sarcastically. "How tragic for you!"

"Trust me, it'll get cold soon enough," Ka-Zar said. He was bundled up as well. "The passage to the mountains is at the back of our camp. I'll take you there."

"Well that's handy," Pyro said cheerfully. "Ah the Savage Land! Such a nice vacation!"

"Vacation?" Doctor Reyes glared at him. "We fought for our lives against a deranged prehistoric god and nearly got killed!"

"Yeah it was fun!" Pyro said happily. "We have to come back!"

"I know two people who would love to come back!" Kitty glared at Peter and Lance.

"Quit it with the guilt trip Pryde!" Lance snapped.

"Yes! You are the one who has been taking a lot of trips lately!" Peter said. "Eiffel Tower! Playboy Mansion! Those ring a bell?"

"We all know she's just sore because Wisdom wasn't here last night to ring her bells," Pietro cackled.

"How about I ring your bells?" Kitty made a fist.

"Okay let's get this show on the road," Hank turned her around.

"Bye Benny!" Amanda waved. "By Zaladane!"

"See ya Sis!" Pietro said.

"Goodbye! Goodbye!" Zaladane waved cheerfully with Benny and the other Mutates. "Have a nice trip!"

The mutants said their goodbyes and walked through a large cave. It wasn't long before they were walking uphill and it became very cold. "Brrr! It's freezing in here!" Tabitha shuddered.

"It's the Arctic! What did you expect? Palm trees and warm summer breezes?" Rogue snapped.

"I feel right at home," Bobby shrugged and changed into his ice form. "Ahhh…This feels good."

"Rarr! Rarrr!" Penny happily bounded ahead with Zabu. Both were holding the large dinosaur bone in their mouths.

"Penny! Don't go so far ahead!" Ororo called out.

"You too Zabu!" Ka-Zar told them. "Okay here we are. Just take that left and walk about two miles and you'll be there. The keys are in the glove compartment. You can relax in the tent before you leave."

"Thanks again for the use of your personal jet," Althea said.

"It's not like I need it right away," Ka-Zar shrugged. "Just bring it back when you can."

"We'll do that," Logan shook his hand. "Take care Jungle Man."

"Right back at you," Ka-Zar nodded. "Come on Zabu."

Penny whined as Zabu left but was content with carrying her bone alone. "I have no idea how we're gonna sneak that through customs," Bobby joked.

"I don't think they have customs checkpoint here," Xi said.

"It's a joke Xi," Todd said. "Granted not a funny joke…"

"It was nice of Ka-Zar and Zabu to show us the way," Amanda said.

"I think he just wanted to make sure we were gone before we wrecked something else," Wanda remarked as they walked.

"Here it is," Logan pointed to a very large sturdy tent at the entrance of the cave.

"I see the jet," Sam said. "Think we can all fit in there?"

"We have to one way or another," Kurt said. "Amanda you can sit on my lap."

"Didn't we have enough hormones running wild last night?" Logan barked.

"Hey give them a break!" Rina snapped. "At least those two kept their clothes on!"

"True," Logan shrugged.

"Let's go inside," Ororo suggested. They entered the tent. It was luxurious and warm with furs and several glowing stones everywhere.

"These stones must provide natural heat," Althea noted.

"YEOWWWW!" Bobby had accidentally touched it. "Yeah they're warm."

"Is that a fridge?" Kitty pointed. "And a bar?"

"A well stocked bar!" Logan looked in it. "This trip just gets better and better!"

"This tent even has a hot tub!" Todd's eyes widened. "A very big hot tub!"

"This isn't a hot tub, it's a hot spring!" Logan looked at the huge pool of hot water before them. "Make that a hot lake!"

"Squeeeeeee!" Penny dropped her dinosaur bone and ran right into the hot spring. She happily splashed around.

"I think Penny has the right idea," Tabitha snickered.

"Might as well do some relaxing before we take off into battle once more," Pietro remarked as he threw off his furs.

"Hold on! You can't just…" Danielle began.

"Like we've never seen each other in our underwear or less before?" Wanda snapped. "Especially after last night's wild little party?"

"Right," Danielle winced. "Might as well have a soak."

"Good idea, right after Gambit visits the little thieves' room," Remy winced. "I knew I shouldn't have had that strange looking bird! That beak feels like it is going to peck me from the inside! This should take a while!"

Remy stopped and saw a small table nearby. "Oh magazines. How convenient. Let's see…Entertainment Monthly: Brand new show called American Idol. How Co-Star Brian Dunkleman will be the next big thing and why his star will out rise Ryan Seacrest. This should be good for a laugh." He took a few magazines and went inside the first bathroom.

"You know I still have some of those leather outfits some of us wore," Kitty said. "We can wear them."

"I don't know," Rogue looked nervous.

"Rogue it'll be fine," Kitty said. "There's like enough room for fifty people in this thing. We'll space out."

"And the water is some kind of natural barrier so it should protect us from your powers as long as we don't get too close and you leave your gloves on," Wanda said.

"Oh what the hell?" Rogue groaned.

"I think I'll pass," Bobby said. "Me and hot water don't exactly get along. I'll just chill on the side."

Soon most of the X-Men were relaxing in the hot water either wearing their Savage Land clothes or underwear. "So where's the next stop in this Magical Mutant Mystery Tour?" Doctor Reyes asked. Everyone looked at each other. "You mean we don't even know where we're going?"

"It figures," Lance rolled his eyes. "We never know where we're going. Why should that change?"

"Why don't you ask your imaginary coyote?" Kitty snapped.

"Why don't you take a hike outside?" Lance glared.

"Why don't you two put a sock in it?" Wanda growled. "We have larger priorites now than watching the two of you go at it!"

"Not that it's entertaining to watch but quite frankly I'm kind of bored with it now," Pietro said. "So what do we do?"

"We obviously have to set up a base of operations somewhere," Logan said. "Then we can start tracking our friends down."

"Not to mention trying to help the mutants out there," Althea said. "We need to figure out some sort of resistance."

"Maybe Xavier can come back to us?" Pyro asked. "You know? Astro turf himself out of his body and tell us what to do? Maybe even he can contact us from the future?"

"First of all Pyro it's called astro project!" Rogue was getting a headache. "And second…You're just insane!"

"It's Jean that's insane now," Sam sighed. Everyone sobered up.

"I can't believe Jean's not only joined the Acolytes, she's running the show," Kitty felt betrayed.

"Jean lost her family and Scott in the same day," Althea said. "That would mess anyone up. I guess her mental distress weakened her psychic barriers enough for the Phoenix to get out."

"This is bad," Lance said. "Like one of our greatest fears has come true."

"Charles was always afraid of this even before Jean got possessed by the Phoenix," Logan remarked. "It seems like that vision came true too. Which means…" Everyone turned and looked at Todd.

"Why are you all looking at me?" Todd asked.

"Because we all know what's going to happen if Jean gets any more out of control," Logan told him. "And who it's gonna come down to if we have to take her out."

"Oh man," Todd winced. "I was kind of hoping you'd all forget about that."

"I wish we could," Bobby groaned.

"Forget about what?" Doctor Reyes asked. "What are you all talking about?"

"Here is the short, short version," Pietro sighed. "Inside Toad is an ancient stone called the Destiny Stone that accidentally got into his body. This transforms him into a powerful alternate personality called Tetsukaeru whenever things are really bad. Tetsukaeru's true purpose is to fight the Phoenix force, ergo the Phoenix, ergo Jean."

"And ergo, the whole world could get destroyed because of it," Rogue said. "Caught up now?"

"I wish I wasn't…" Doctor Reyes groaned.

"Tell me about it," Todd moaned.

"Believe me Toad, not one of us is thrilled about the prospect of you being our last line of defense against the Phoenix," Logan growled. "Unfortunately we don't have that many options."

"And you know Jean isn't just going to sit around and wait for you to get all Tetsukaeru on her," Pietro said.

"You mean…She might attack him?" Fred was stunned.

"She might attack all of us," Rogue said. "But yeah Toad is the number one target. I mean we couldn't do anything the last time! And look what she did to the Professor and the Shi'ar!"

"Tetsukaeru is the only one with a chance of stopping the Phoenix," Ororo said.

"Yeah remember back in Egypt when he smacked Apocalypse around like he was nothing?" Fred nodded.

"There is kind of a difference between Apocalypse and a mutant infused with cosmic power," Hank said. "But again, there seems to be no other lines of defense."

"Well what about Summers?" Todd asked. "What if we find him? Maybe he can talk to her or something? You know, bring her back to her senses?"

"That is not outside the realm of possibility," Hank conceded. "However…"

"We don't even know where Cyclops is," Bobby said. "Sinister has him."

"And Madelyne," Tabitha pointed out. "This is bad."

"And it's not like the Professor can help us unless there's a miracle or two," Logan added. "So Toad you don't have the option of wimping out of this one. Because if you screw this up…"

"I know, I know!" Todd slapped his forehead and pulled his hair. "We all go boom boom and Bye Bye! I get it! Oh man I think I miss the days when I was considered expendable!"

"Well you're not that anymore," Logan said. "Like it or not you're the most valuable mutant we have."

"And that means your safety and training has become top priority," Ororo told him.

"That and finding ways to save the mutant race from extinction," Rogue said.

"I never thought I'd miss Summers," Lance grumbled. "Like Toad said he may be the only one of us that can talk some sense into Jean!"

"Then I suggest we start looking for him!" Logan got out of the hot tub and grabbed his clothes.

"Where?" Bobby asked.

"We can check some of his old hideouts the Misfits raided," Wanda suggested. "That would be a good place to start."

"But we've already gone over those places with a fine tooth comb!" Pietro said. "And we didn't find a thing!"

"Do you have a better idea?" Wanda snapped.

"She's right," Hank said. "I think we should first set up a headquarters so that we can properly analyze any data we find."

"Fine we'll set up a headquarters, send one team to go searching for clues to where Sinister is hiding and another to deal with saving mutants from the government," Althea said. "As well as finding our lost friends."

"That sounds like a good plan as any," Rogue admitted as they all got out of the hot tub and started to dry off.

"Then that's what we'll do," Logan grunted.

It didn't take long for them to get dressed and into the jet. "Next stop civilization," Hank said as they flew away. "Such as it is."

"Penny! No! You can't take that dinosaur bone with us!" Kitty shouted. "And stop biting your seat belt!"

"I have the strangest feeling we forgot something," Pyro pondered.

"You know so do I," Kurt realized. "I wonder what it is?"

"Whatever it is it couldn't be that important," Rogue said. "Hey Gambit did you…? Gambit? Hey where's Gambit?"

"Isn't he back there?" Ororo asked.

"No," Rogue went up. "Gambit? You up here?"

"Gumbo's not up here," Logan grunted. "Isn't he back there?"

"No," Rogue said.

"His clothes are here," Ororo noted a pile. "I remember taking everything before we left."

"Maybe he's in the bathroom?" Sam asked.

"No Lance is in the bathroom throwing up," Althea said. "You know he's not always good with flying."

"Or with a deranged Kitty on the warpath," Rogue added. "Wait if he's not up here with you or back there…Where is he?"

Back at the tent…

"Where'd everybody go?" Remy was in the hot spring holding a beverage. "Hello? Everyone? Come on! Remy cleaned himself up good before he got out here? Hello? Anybody?"

"You abandoned me…" Remy glared at Rogue as he rode in the jet. He was bundled up in blankets.

"Not intentionally," Rogue said.

"You all abandoned me!" Remy shouted.

"Abandoned is a strong word," Pietro said. "More like, misplaced. We misplaced you. I mean there are a lot of us here."

"Misplaced? You misplace your car keys! Not a team mate or a boyfriend!" Remy shouted.

"I said I was sorry!" Rogue shouted.

"You left me behind! Your own boyfriend!" Remy yelled.

"It's not like I did it on purpose!" Rogue shouted.

"You took my clothes!" Remy yelled.

"That was Storm cleaning up," Rogue said. "She must have taken your clothes with everything else. It was an accident!"

"Yeah it's not like we all put you on trial and left you there to die!" Pyro remarked. "You had a tent!"

"That doesn't matter! You still left me behind in the freezing cold!" Remy yelled.

"We left you behind in a heated tent with a hot tub," Logan glared at him. "For twenty minutes!"

"It's still abandonment!" Remy yelled. "Gambit has enough issues with that!"

"You are never going to shut up about this are you?" Alex groaned.

"You're damn right I'm not!" Remy yelled.

"Boy he's so upset he's forgotten to talk about himself in the third person," Fred remarked.

"You all left me to die and freeze to death!" Remy went on.

"You were in a heated tent in a hot tub!" Logan shouted. "Drinking one of those flavored coffee drinks!"

"It was starting to cool!" Remy snapped.

"Do you hear yourself right now?" Logan barked. "What a wuss!"

"I am not being a wuss," Remy glared at him. "I think I have a right to complain if I was left behind! What if those stones ran out of power? I'd be dead! Remy would be dead!"

"But you're not dead," Rogue said.

"Gambit could have been!" Remy snapped.

"It's not like we did it to you on purpose," Alex said.

"You all just lucky it wasn't on purpose!" Remy shouted. "I tell you one thing if it was Remy would hunt you all down until you died!"

"You're going to hang onto this for years aren't you?" Rogue groaned.

"What do you think?" Remy snapped.

"He is," Bobby sighed.

"You all left me for dead!" Remy snapped.

"We did not! We came right back after we realized you were gone!" Rogue said. "It was an accident!"

"Lucky for you all it was or else there would have been a lot more accidents!" Remy snapped. "It hurts that you left me behind all alone!"

"For twenty freaking minutes!" Rogue snapped.

"Gambit didn't know when you'd be back!" Remy yelled.

"What a drama freak," Kurt rolled his eyes.

"You know he's going to exaggerate this story over the years," Todd sighed.

"Yeah, he'll be telling people he survived twenty days with only an overcoat…" Kurt remarked. "Right Kitty?"

"I can't believe how shallow you two are!" Kitty yelled at Lance and Peter. "How could I ever have loved the both of you I'll never know!"

"Oh look who's talking!" Lance snapped.

"That's right!" Peter challenged. "Just because we didn't do it on a national monument…"

"Oh boy…" Kurt winced. "Who else can we talk to?"

"I am telling you that is the worst place we can set up shop!" Althea snapped. "San Francisco? We're better off here!"

"In a swamp? Forget it!" Hank barked. "The humidity alone would mess up any sensitive equipment."

"You abandoned me!" Remy shouted at Rogue.

"I'll throw you out the door right now if you don't shut up and let me fly!" Logan roared.

"It's gonna be a loooooooooooooonnnggg trip," Todd groaned.