Shirou's mouth feels dry as he licks his lips, uncertain what to say towards the woman in black armor who regards him with cool amber eyes devoid of emotion or concern for the small girl who suffers just behind her. That in itself is enough to warrant Shirou's concern, but what is worse is what she said just now. A thing he tries to process but is unable to.
"W-what do you mean that thing is the grail? Isn't the grail some holy cup or something?"
The woman is silent for a moment, pursing her lips as she regards him before she nods.
"The "cup" is but a mere container for the overflow of raw magical power that courses through the conduit that makes up the grail. That flowing dark mass is the grail itself. The thing under which I suffered for ten eternal years."
Ten years, he thinks. The nightmares from then came ... because of that?
"Then why do you want it?!" he shouts. "It's insane to want something that made you suffer like that!"
"Hush, Shirou," she says, as if trying to calm a petulant child. "The grail is but a tool. A tool to grant us our desires and wishes without limit."
"But at what cost, Saber?! How can this be worth it!"
"How is it not!?" she shouts back, stunning him. "All of this.. .this bloodshed... is this what you really want? If I take the grail now- then I prevent this madness! I keep myself from ever drawing Caliburn back in my time and in effect prevent all these horrors in this time from occurring! That is why I want the grail. Isn't such a thing worthwhile?"
He is silent for a moment, thinking on her words. All the death and lives lost, to have it all undone by the grail. Is that possible? To see Sakura and Fujine and Issei... everyone back and alive... Isn't such a thing worthwhile in the end? But... He looks towards the woman in dark armor as her pale hair blows, cool eyes regarding him.
"Then... I'd never have met you..." he says in a quiet voice.
"That is correct," she says flatly. "And all these horrors will be no more than a midsummer's dream. Isn't that worthwhile?"
He stills his voice, his lips quivering, hands clenched. Yes, he'd never see Saber again, but everyone would return to his life and he'd continue about things as if normal. Almost. With nothing having changed and yet... how can he let go and make their deaths meaningless as a result?
He lifts his head, turning to the woman who has been at his side as she raises her sword towards the girl. He can't allow this. Even if it seems like the best course of action to follow it feels wrong. Like something in him will die forever if he allows her to take this action. An unforgivable sin. So he acts in the only way he knows how.
"Saber! Stop!" he yells, throwing his hand towards her, feeling it burn insanely as he pulls it back to his chest, the final line of energy from the seal in his hand being burnt away. The last connection to Saber in that one seal... gone.
"You know what you have done?" she says in a hard edged voice. "You try and prevent me from my duty to both my country and your well being?! How foolish can you truly be?"
She scoffs, her eyes narrowed in agitation as she shakes her head.
"It does not matter. A seal's use is limited, based on the will of the servant and how generic your order is. And I can deny your order."
"You can... deny my order," says Shirou in shocked surprise. "You mean you're going to kill that girl so you can fulfill your wish?! The Saber I know would never do such a thing!"
"The Saber you know has cut down several bodies already for that very goal, or do the beings I killed not count as real to you?"
He stares back in stunned silence, unable to answer. She is right. Each person, as powerful as they were, was still a human being that she cut down, in his name no less! To protect him. How would this be any different?
She sighs, drawing back her blade.
"When I cut this person down then the grail will form into its proper container and I can make the wish that will erase all this. Foolish as you are, you will thank me when this is all over. If you remember..."
She raises her blade, intent on her goal to split the girl who shivers in pained cries beneath the touch of the corroded mana and Shirou acts without thinking.
"Saber! Stop!" he screams, running towards her with blade drawn, a duplicate of her own still held in his hands. He rushes towards her with eyes blurred by tears, only barely seeing a shadow turn in his direction, a flash of black and red swinging towards him and a sudden sharp pain across his chest as he falls backwards on the floor.
As he skids across the floor, he thinks, it's not the pain from Saber's blade that stings so much as her betrayal of him and her actions in turn, acting so selfishly as she is. He can't stand it and even if he can't fight properly with this sword he has to find a way to stop her. Stop this woman he cares about who he has given himself over to. He simply needs to find a way! He...
A hard force slams into his chest, a boot crunching on his wrist making him cry out. He tries to hold on to the sword but the pain is so much as he feels his wrist beginning to grind that he has to release his grip on the blade which is quickly kicked aside, far from his reach. As the boot is removed from his wrist he tries to rise only to be forced back down roughly, a hard and warm boot placed on his chest, a blade tilting his chin upwards.
"Shirou Emiya," she says. "It is over, the grail is mine. Even if it cost your life, I must complete this mission. It is my duty as king..."
She pauses in her words as a tear drifts down her left eye.
"And as your friend. Do not make me do this, for I will do what must be done for all of us, even if it hurts more than hell itself. So do not make me hurt you."
He sees her tears causing a pain within himself. He wishes to accept her words, but the choking miasma of the mana about him says otherwise. He can't allow this. Even if it hurts her.
"Sorry, Saber," he says. "Even if you think this is right, I can't allow this. Not if there's another possible way. Even if it could do what you think it will... it can't be right! You know this..."
She stares at him momentarily. Quiet before she lets out a low breath.
"You are but a fool, Shirou. A loving fool."
She shakes her head slowly and turns away from him, taking her weight off him.
"This will be done, Shirou. There is naught you can do. So if you do not wish to be cut down, do not interfere."
She once more raises her blade and Shirou wonders what he can do. Even if he rushed for the other sword it'd be too late for him to do anything. He needs something... now!
"When the time comes, you will need a blade of a light greater than her own. Remember this when you have to put Saber down."
Archer's words ring in his ears and he recalls what the man said, what it is he must do. A sword greater than her own? But what could... He blinks as he remembers something from his nightmare. A sword shining brightly, untainted and uncorrupted where eyes not of amber, but of jade stared back at the reflection marked from... excalibur. The promised sword of victory. Arthur's sword, the sword of the being about to commit an irredeemable act before him. Her sword.
He shuts his eyes, releasing his old on the tainted blade, letting it fade from his conscious as he refocuses his energies, speaking the words of his chant once more.
"I am the bone of your sword..."
Her body even now burns horribly, lashing at her flesh as she resist the command seal, the order given by her master. It is a pain like any other and one she can push aside after so many years of being under the grail's thumb, tortured endlessly and mercilessly. It is but another pain to endure as she stares with anger and sadness towards the silver haired girl before her.
It is not so much the command he gave her which sets her on edge, her heart beating with sadness, thrusting against her chest as she raises her sword to cut down but a mere child. It is that he can not trust her to do what is right. Shirou Emiya can not trust her as king to do what is right and correct the rifts in the time lines that have caused such atrocities, to rectify the mistake that brought this all about. To keep herself from drawing caliburn.
Even as she shuts her eyes, she thinks back to a time when war rang out, the wind blowing violently over grassy fields with her peoples falling back to the armies outside their borders flooding inside. Even as a child, she'd known, known they needed a leader, someone to look up to, someone to keep the enemy out. And if one would not rise to the occasion then she would. That had been her reason, her motive, she thinks, for drawing caliburn. That promised blade. But noble the cause may have been, it still led to ruin.
She can see that naive young girl even now, with golden locks running over her head, blowing in her eyes, a simple white tunic and loose baggy pants about her body. And still, she believed, believed she could do what those far older with greater wisdom could not. How utterly foolish.
She raises her blade, placing it over her head to bring it down on the young girl even as the grail whispers, its fingers trailing over her mind and body, telling her to do this, that it is her wish. Then is it not right to do this and complete her wish?
She remembers at that time when she withdrew her blade, that great sword from the stone, that she longed for a hero. Someone to set right what was wrong with the world and for the briefest of moments she'd seen a monstrous knight in black armor raising a black sword to strike her down before she could use that sword. But there is no horrible knight, she thinks now as she raises her sword towards her younger self. Only a woman desperate to save her people... even if she must become the villain. And there is no one who can save her from herself.
A tear runs down her cheek as she stares into her own frightened eyes that still hold a firm grasp on the sword, raising it infinitely slow to avoid an oncoming attack. How she wishes someone would stop her from this act, but it must be done. As the blade comes down towards the youth, she hears words that strike at her core and pauses, turning her head. The scene before her shifts, and as she is brought back to the present she sees Shirou rushing towards her with sword outstretched. A sword she has not seen for years until recently, if only briefly when she used it to down the giant. Excalibur.
She hears his cry of desperation, yelling her name, wanting her to stop him. But isn't that what she asked him to do of her? To stop her? Even as she raises her sword, it is slow, she mesmerized by the view and look of the blade that she once held so very many years ago. A pristine blade, clear and pure. A blade of promise and hope, made to push back the darkness. A hero's blade to stop villainy. Her sword no more, but now his. To.. Stop her.
A smile curves her lips as she lowers her arm, feeling as the blade pierces her armor and thrust into her chest, splitting her heart. She stares wide eyed, her lips parted as blood dribbles down her chin.
"S-stop... Saber!" he murmurs, keeping his head low, avoiding her gaze. "Stop!"
His blade pushes through her body deeper, the pain horrible as it pushes through her ribs and armor. She gasp, the pain radiating through her being. A pain she has caused herself. She sighs, releasing her blade which clatters to the floor, discarded.
"I'm sorry... Saber.." she hears him saying. "I'm sorry. Please..."
She raises a hand to his face, the face she has grown so fond of in such a short time, wiping the tears from his eyes.
"Do not cry," she says through a strained voice. "You did what is right and prevented me from making a horrible mistake. You stopped me from becoming the villain I detested. For that... I thank you."
"Saber," he says, still shaking his head, unable to look at her even as her body bleeds out. "I..."
"My name is not Saber," she says quietly.
"What?" he says, raising his head slowly to regard her, eyes wide and shivering.
"It is Altria," she says leaning forward even as the blade cuts deeper into her flesh. She tilts his head up towards her even as his grip on her blade all but falls away. It is good then, she thinks, as she places her lips against his, giving him one final parting gift before she too must leave, the voices in her head fading now that everything is over. Screaming in anguish, but fading, no longer seeming pleased to be collecting her as they were earlier even as they stretched limbs out towards her. This she can feel, but it doesn't matter anymore. She has done her duty and there is but one thing left.
She pulls away slowly, looking at him.
"Am I your king," she ask.
He is dumbstruck at her words but nods.
"Then there is one final duty I have for you that you must complete before I fade. When you remove this blade from my body... I command you... destroy the holy grail."
The limbs that reached for her mind suddenly pause, shivering, as if unsure of what to do. Unlike her. She has her duty to complete.
"But... Saber..." he says.
"Do it. It is my order as king and your duty as a hero. The hero I always wanted to be."
With those words, her body slips, her energy and strength now gone, resisting both the pain of the command seal and her own death is too much. It is all left to him now and she knows he will complete his duty, because... she believes in him.
The sword of light clatters to the floor, his grip on it loosed when Saber... no, Altria, leaned forward and kissed him, his pain and anguish for his actions too much to bear even as she disappears from before him in golden light, her words still ringing in his ears. He shivers, trembling even as he sniffles, looking at that damnable blade. He killed her and she called him a hero? What kind of hero kills his own friends? What kind of hero...
"Aaaauuughhhh!" he hears the silver haired girl cry out and his eyes widen, memory of where he is and what he is supposed to be doing coming back to him.
The pulsing blackness above seems to froth at the mouth, seemingly aware it must hurry and commit to its actions before it is halted even as a molten liquid pours hot and steaming on the floor behind the girl, seeming to come for him. Him and the girl.
His eyes narrow with bitterness and hatred. That thing, it's the fault of that thing that everything here happened. Why he lost his family. His friends. Saber...
He leans down quietly and picks up the blade, feeling so heavy now with the weight of all the blood and death upon it. But it will be enough to do what needs be done and bring down the incarnation of all that is evil. He raises the promised sword over his head, drawing forth the energies from the surrounding fields and air, drawing it forth, glowing ever brighter as the energy within it increases, the black miasma seeming to let out a shrill noise into the sky as if to give him pause or fear. But he fears no more. What more can it do to him? Take his life? He's lost his family, his friends and even his love to this... abomination. It can do nothing more to him than what it has already done. Even his dreams and beliefs are gone. There is nothing left. Nothing but the words given to him by a long dead king. It is all that remains. It will have to do.
His grip on the blade tightens, the energies piling up to its own cry that drowns out all other noise as he yells that word to end everything.
Excalibur.
authors note:
thank you dear readers for reading this far. Your comments have pushed me forward on this endeavor. This has been a real work of love and I've enjoyed every minute of it. I could end the story here but this is not where I wish to end it as I'd like something happier for our hero. Stay tuned as there are more chapters to come.