A/N: As some of you have noticed already, I have been writing like a maniac for the past few weeks. This is because in two weeks, I am going to be returning to school – and I'm taking a lot of Honors/AP courses, so I'm not entirely sure I'll be posting everyday. That's why I want to get as much done now as I can, while I still have the time, and then maybe I'll update every two to three days once I go back to school. Just letting you know, because that's on the horizon.

Anyways, this chapter features the day of the Christmas party, so I hope you enjoy this one. I certainly will be.

Cheers!
X

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December 20

6:22 PM
Status: Nervous

Well…tonight is The Evening of Slughorn's Party, at long, long last. Hooray. Huzzah. God bless the Queen. Why hasn't there been a parade yet?

Eurgh. To be honest, I thought this Monday would never come, after all the trauma I have been enduring since the weekend, when I last wrote.

I probably should have expected that – I mean, how could I ask James Potter to a dance and not expect any kind of repercussions to haunt me afterwards?

The moment I told Alice and Livvy about what I'd done, they completely freaked out. Alice did a little victory dance and then they both sat me down to ask me an avalanche of questions. It was the usual girl-to-girl-to-girl nosiness – how did you do it, when did you do it, why did you do it, that sort of thing. I tried to answer their questions the best I could, but there was so much to say and so much they wanted to know – it took us an outrageously long time to discuss it properly.

The end result was basically that Alice did another victory dance and Livvy said I was doing marvelously, I was going to have a wonderful time at Slughorn's party. And I wanted to kill them both.

But they were just the beginning.

Somehow, somewhere, the news that I asked James out leaked and became the subject of gossip yesterday and most of today. Despite the fact that we had ridiculously difficult mock-N.E.W.T. exams to take all day today (which, by the way, were miserable), I had too many people gawking at me between classes and I had to force the truth out of Eleanor Murphy in the bathroom during lunch using my wand and a tube of lipstick (don't ask).

Apparently, what was going around was that I gave James roses and begged him to go to the Christmas dance with me and he made me wait three weeks before saying yes. I don't know who made that up or why they have such an underdeveloped sense of self-preservation, but it wasn't true and I had to keep stoutly informing people of it when they stared after me. That kept some of the tide under control, but I also had to enlist the help of Alice, Livvy, Russell, Frank, and Sirius – Sirius being the most effective because people always listen to what he says. I didn't get a chance to corner James about the controversy, but I assumed he was just as irritated as I was. Why wouldn't he be?

I don't know why people are so meddlesome. I really don't. I mean, James and I are Heads. We're also friends. The prefects can vouch for the fact that we are perfectly civil and friendly and not romantic around each other. Anyone who has seen us together can vouch for that, actually (except Alice, who will have to be locked up in a cupboard someday for her horribly biased accounts). Why is it so entertaining to pretend we are anything except what we are? I have never understood that logic.

Alice and Livvy are bad enough. Alice won't stop squealing when she sees my face, insisting that I am the cutest thing she's ever seen and I am completely blind to how much I am in love with James. Livvy, seeing that Alice's approach is not doing anything except darken my mood, ignores the subject altogether and skips off to be with Russell, leaving me alone with my psychotic best friend. Two days of this has been bad enough – I am so glad I didn't listen to Alice and ask him earlier. I don't think I could take the rumor mill, which is far too convoluted at Hogwarts.

Getting ready tonight was another challenge in itself. I had selected a white skirt and green sweater (my hair could suffice for the red necessary for the season) for the party, but Alice and Livvy insisted it was not good enough. Alice raided my clothes to find something suitable, but insisted I had nothing. Meanwhile, Livvy decided that leaving my hair down was not a good idea at all, and insisted on doing it for me.

They basically expected me to be their little dress-up doll, but I wasn't going to have it.

I let Livvy put clips in my hair, and straighten it a little bit with Hair Potion, but I didn't let her do more than that.

I let Alice force me into my sole tube top – which happened to be green – but I kept my white skirt (which was at least somewhat modest) and made her live with it.

And I made sure I was still wearing a strapless bra, because I wasn't about to walk into Slughorn's without one.

And I wore my gray sweater on top, because it was still winter and I was cold.

Then I pronounced myself ready.

Alice thought the sweater was tacky, but she allowed that the rest of it looked fine. Livvy said I looked lovely, but she was on her way out to the library to do homework, so I'm not sure she had the opportunity to fully drink in the outfit. Either way, though, I banished Alice from my dormitory and sat down here with my diary. I wanted to finish early so that I could write.

The clock says it's about ten to seven now. I'm due to meet James outside the portrait hole at seven so we can go to the party. However, I'm not sure if that means I'm supposed to be there on time or if that'll make me look over-eager and I should wait an extra five minutes. With these things, you can never tell, and Alice specifically told me before she left that I ought to wait an extra five minutes. I always did that for my dates and it seemed to work.

But the trouble is, I'm not sure if James expects me to be punctual, or if he's going to be punctual himself. These are not things you ask the other person – you just do them and hope for the best. Is James the punctual type? Should've asked Livvy that before she left. She would know this.

I think I'm going to be five minutes late. That's a good cushion, a way to say that you're relaxed about this whole thing and it's no big deal. Because it isn't. It really, really isn't. It's just a Christmas party. I mean, I don't care. I don't.

Or, okay, fine, I do. But if I say that I don't, maybe I'll bloody stop quivering when I glance at my portrait hole. Right about now, I'm desperate for anything.

I've already done all of my usual time-killers. I've brushed my teeth twice and used mouthwash. I've fussed over the fit of my clothes and changed shoes three times. I've straightened the cushions on my bed and cleaned my bathroom counter and rearranged all my various personal hygiene items in four different ways. But I'm still ready and waiting and glancing obsessively at my watch every couple of seconds, because it's almost time to go and I'm still having doubts about taking James along to this party.

I've got a feeling I'm not going to be nervous at all when I get out, and that I'm going to pretend like nothing ever vexed me about this evening, and that I'm going to feel stupid for stressing out, but for now, I am stressing and there is nothing anyone can tell me to make me feel better.

It is seven o'clock exactly now, according to my watch.

You know what? Screw it. Screw it all. I have been stressing out enough and making myself into a total fool over something that really shouldn't affect me as it is, so I am going to go out there – on time – and face this party with James the way a properly mature seventeen-year-old ought to.

Here I go. Wish me luck. I shall write again when I come back.

8:30 PM
Status: Terribly confused

Oh…my…gosh.

What a night.

I kind of don't even know where to begin. It's all such a warm, stuffy whirlwind to me, but I suppose I should start at the very beginning, so I don't leave anything out. I don't want to leave anything out.

So…I see that I already wrote about the pre-party preparations, which involved some critical fashion choices with Alice and Livvy. Well, once all that was done and the clock struck seven, I did go out to wait for James – he wasn't there yet and arrived just within in the five minute mark.

But when he arrived, I actually started a little.

I mean, on the surface, he looked fine. He was wearing a collared button-down shirt – white with green stripes – and nice, off-white corduroys. He had tried valiantly to comb his hair (it didn't work, but he got points for effort) and his shoes did not have any mud stains on them, which was a plus. He actually looked quite nice.

However, he was also wearing a bright red clown-looking nose on top of his own and enormously obnoxious moose ears on his head, with a bright, impish smile to match.

"Hi!" he said, looking me up and down approvingly. "You look great."

"Thanks," I said. "And you would too…if you didn't have that tomato on your nose and the moose ears."

He looked mightily offended by this. "They're reindeer ears," he corrected me. "And a Rudolph nose. Aren't they great? Sirius bought them and let me borrow them for the party."

I blinked a couple of times. "Erm…how am I supposed to let you walk with me in public when you look like that?"

James broke into an enormous grin that mildly terrified me. "Funny you should ask…"

I was about to say something – question him, call him insane, something like that – when, all of a sudden, James produced an identical nose and ear piece from behind his back. Rendered speechless, I watched as he held them out to me with a smile I had grown to be quite weary of.

"Here," he said. "We can go as twins!"

"You've got to be joking."

The hat and ears were funny, of course, but not when I was the one who had to wear them, particularly in front of other people.

"Of course I'm not!" James said delightedly. "C'mon, wear them. We'll be the most stylish duo in the whole room! Sluggy will love 'em!"

"James, please, I'm not wearing those." Now I was smiling too, and fighting back a laugh. "Please. I'm going to see a lot of those people again."

"You're going to look great," James assured me. "C'mere, let's try this nose on first…"

He began to come closer to me, holding the red nose out like a weapon. Giggling a little, I retreated towards the wall, uncertain. But he kept coming, this foolish smile still plastered on his face, the nose coming closer and closer; and eventually, he had me backed up against the wall and trapped me inside his Quidditch-toned arms.

"C'mon, Lily!" he wheedled.

"No!" I insisted, now red in the face (as ever). "I'll look silly!"

"That's the point," he said. "C'mon. You'll look lovely."

He was so close to me. That was the only thing I could take in, other than that stupid nose lingering by my nostrils. His arms surrounded me, his body barred me from any kind of escape route, his face was in mine. I could feel him breathing on me; I could smell his musky cologne and something sharply sweet (laundry soap is the only comparison that comes anywhere close) that was uniquely his; I could see every single green fleck in his hazel eyes as they stared beseechingly at me.

I wasn't sure about him, but I certainly wasn't comfortable with him invading my personal space bubble that completely; so for that reason, and that reason alone, I relented and said, "Fine. Give me the damn nose. I'll wear it."

"Hooray!" Grinning away, he presented me with the bright red nose and, giggling in spite of myself, I stuck it onto my nose. It was kind of scratchy and hard to breathe in, but it made him smile so wide I'm sure it had to hurt, so I left it on.

Next, he handed me the ears. I opened my mouth to protest, but this time, he pouted like a puppy dog and I contended myself with a playful punch into his chest and I plopped it on my head. He beamed again and beheld me fondly, as though I was a particularly scrumptious piece of turkey or something.

"You know, this is much better," he said. "We need a picture of this."

"What, so that we can have physical evidence that can be used for blackmail?" I asked, as we began to walk down the corridor together.

"No one's going to blackmail you," he said dismissively.

"I wouldn't put it past Alice," I informed him. "She is forever on a search for dirt on me. It comes in handy when she wants me to help her with her homework or get me to buy her candy."

"How sweet of her," he remarked.

"That's Alice," I said. "Always the compassionate one."

We hadn't walked more than a few feet when someone turned the corner and caught a full-on view of us. What a sight we must have looked, with those ears and that bloody nose. She – it was the infamous Sarah Emerson, who had gone out with Amos Diggory in the beginning of the year – raised an eyebrow at us.

"Going somewhere?" she inquired.

"Slughorn's having a Christmas party," said James, before I could speak. "Lily and I are going as friends."

I smiled helpfully, mentally allowing him to do all the talking.

"Right," said Sarah. "Okay. Well…erm…have fun."

"We shall," said James brightly. "Have a good night, Sarah!"

Sarah gave him an acknowledging nod (it was actually kind of cold and mmhm-I-have-seen-you-lower-subject-you-may-walk-away-now, if you get my drift) and continued on her way. My heart sank with her as she turned another corner. Sarah is a notorious gossip – everyone is going to know about this within half an hour, I have absolutely no doubt of it.

I debated whether or not to groan and complain about Sarah Emerson to James, but I ended up opening a different conversation instead.

"Are you on first-name terms with everybody in this school?" I asked.

James shrugged. "Only those in my acquaintance."

"So, everybody in this school?"

James snickered. "I guess." He paused, and then said, "I think the whole last name thing is a bit of a waste of time. It's kind of rude, actually. I prefer talking to people normally because that lets them know you care. But some people just like calling me Potter. Not sure what to say to that."

"That's interesting," I said. "I mean, to me, it doesn't really mean much. I get called Evans all the time and it doesn't bother me."

"It bothers me," said James. "I guess it's a preference thing. For me, though, I like being personal with people."

"That's a good thing," I said.

"I'd like to think it is." He shot me a dazzlingly naughty smile.

I chuckled. "So…are you honestly excited for this party?"

"Yeah," he said. "It's a new experience. I mean, for you, it's old hat, because old Sluggy adores you; but for me, it's a first time thing. I want to make it count. That's why I brought our festive gear."

"There's really nothing to be excited about," I said. "I mean, I think he's getting live entertainment, and the food's good, but otherwise it's fairly boring."

"That's because you're a girl and all you want to do is talk," said James, "which you do all the time. But for others of us, food and entertainment are all that matter." He considered a moment, then said, "Let's make a bet."

"I don't bet," I said. "Too many bad experiences with Alice. She's put both me and Livvy off of it."

"Yeah, but I'm not Alice," said James dismissively. "C'mon now. I bet you…I bet you five Galleons that you are going to have fun tonight when you go with me."

"Ten Galleons?" I was surprised. "You'd bet that much?"

"Yeah," he said. "You're going to enjoy yourself – I could use the extra money for something useful."

I mulled this one over and figured it couldn't hurt. After all, he was right – he wasn't Alice. What did I have to lose besides a bit of money? I nodded.

"Sure," I said. "Ten Galleons. It's a deal."

We shook on it; and before we knew it, we were into the right corridor and we entered Slughorn's office for the party.

Actually, Slughorn had done a rather nice job with the office for this occasion. He had it decorated very festively. He had hung up a few sprigs of mistletoe (this year, the teachers opted not to put it up in the main corridors after a nasty incident last year where a girl hexed a guy's mouth off for approaching her – it was odd to see them here) and plenty of holly and tinsel. Soft Christmas music was playing from somewhere and there were red and green lights glowing softly from various corners, casting a weird sort of surreal-ness on the room…I can't exactly explain it, but it was kind of magical in a spine-tingling way, like there was possibility in this tiny little room for something noteworthy to happen.

Already, this was different from any party I've ever been to in Slughorn's familiar office.

Swallowing slightly, I locked my jaw and said, "So what are you waiting for, Bozo? Let's go!"

"You're going to have to lay off on clown jokes while we're here," he said. "I'm Rudolph."

I rolled my eyes. "Do you want your money? Let me have my fun."

"When I said you were going to have fun, I meant you would enjoy the party, not insulting me," he said. "You get kicks out of that all the time. It doesn't count."

I smirked; and I was about to say something else, but Slughorn suddenly appeared, waddling through the crowd with an enormous smile on his face.

"Miss Evans, Mr. Potter!" he said kind of loudly, making some people turn around and stare. "What a lovely surprise to see you both here! The Heads coming to my little gathering together, eh?"

"Hello, Professor," we said at the same time. Immediately, I blushed; but luckily, thanks to the lighting, I don't think anyone could tell.

"This looks really nice," I offered honestly. "I love the decorations."

"Thank you," said Slughorn genially. "Now go on, help yourselves – refreshments are in the back."

And he passed on. Just like that. No preferential treatment, no introducing me to strange men that I would never like. He moved on. The plan worked! My date idea worked! My mood lifted considerably as James and I ambled over to the food table – I even forgot how ridiculous we probably looked in our ears and nose – and I had an éclair with particular joy.

James picked up on this.

"So…you seem pretty happy right now, don't you?" he asked.

"Yes, because my idea worked," I said enthusiastically. "Slughorn didn't introduce me to people tonight, because I brought a proper date!"

"So you've figured out the secret." He grinned. "That's a good thing. I'm glad to have helped."

"Thank you," I said sincerely. "You're a real life saver. I really didn't have anyone to go with."

"You could've gone with…Frank," he suggested.

I shook my head. "He had plans with Alice." I decided to omit the part where she made those plans specifically to make my life difficult.

"Hmmm…you could've taken Sean or Robert," he said.

"They always go with Adrianna," I reminded him. "Remember they're both infatuated with her? If I took one, the other would have an advantage."

"Right." He considered. "Wow. I feel your pain. What about…Amos Diggory would probably say yes?"

"As far as I know, he's still going out with Sarah Emerson, who would murder me if I even looked at Amos," I said.

"No, he broke up with Sarah," said James. "He's single right now."

"I could bet you ten more Galleons that Sarah doesn't think so," I pointed out.

"That's true too." He pulled on a thinking face. "Merlin's beard, no wonder you asked me. You really have no options!" Then he paused, an evil look on his face. "Hey…you could've always asked Jonathon."

I had absolutely no qualms about kicking him heartily when he said that, making him laugh. "Don't even joke like that," I thundered. "Livvy has already been on my arse about him and I refuse to lead him on when I am so obviously not interested."

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry," he said, not looking the least bit repentant with his jack-o-lantern grin.

"So now here we are," I said. "I asked you."

"I have a feeling I should be a little offended, since I was used so overtly," he mused. "I mean, you only took me because you had no other option, not because you liked me…"

"Don't be offended," I said, a chill in my chest at these words. "Honestly, don't be. If I didn't want to go with you, I wouldn't have – I'd have taken my chances coming here and letting Slughorn have his way, admitting defeat."

"Seriously?" This interested him. "So you really do want to be some place with me?"

"Yes," I said honestly.

This made him smile again, but it was a different sort of smile – a thoughtful one, a sweet one. Somewhere in me, I felt pleased that I was the one who had caused it.

Softly, I continued, "This year…things have been really changed between us. In good ways. I…I like being with you. I feel like…like we're finally friends now."

Right now, at this moment, as I'm writing, I don't remember what possessed me to confess this to him. I really don't know. I guess it was a combination of things: the ridiculousness of his Rudolph nose contrasted with the muted enigma of his hazel eyes; the ambiguous lighting, casting so many shadows on the angles of his admittedly well-crafted face; the way he was beholding me so carefully and the conversation we had been having; the buzzing air current in the room.

I felt so near to him then; like all the people around us had fallen away and left only us two, standing by the table, with eyes only for the other. It was almost precarious, how close we were; like we weren't the people we thought we were.

It's so hard to write out in these mere words. There was practically electricity between us. We went from playful banter to something…something that ran deeper than this Christmas party.

We lingered for a couple of seconds, staring at each other and waiting for someone to say something, for some sign to come and tell us what to do. But none came. We weren't a storybook prince and princess – we were just Lily and James wearing funny reindeer ears.

Since he didn't have a response to my embarrassingly intimate remarks, I was the first to clear my throat and reach for another éclair. I asked, "D'you want a drink?"

The intensity never left him as he said, "Sure. I'll get it. Would you like one too?"

"Yes, please."

He stepped away from me and went to the table to fill two cups, leaving me alone to breathe and wonder what had just happened. I waited impatiently for him to return – maybe he would say something and continue the conversation – but no, when he returned, he brought other people with him and we weren't alone anymore.

Most of the remainder of the party was spent like that, mingling and socializing. James and I both knew plenty of people here and a lot of them had brought dates, so we said hello and chit-chatted about the traumas of school, along with plans for the holidays. It was nice, and this was what I always did when I was at a Slughorn party anyway, but I felt particularly conscious of what I was doing because James was right next to me, warm and solid and James, listening to what I said and telling me things.

I smiled a lot and said what people wanted to hear, but I wasn't really having much fun. I discovered, to my dismay, that the most interesting part of the evening was when I was with James on his own. Of course, I did enjoy talking to people I didn't often see because I was so deeply entrenched in my books, but I mean, it's like going to a big family function – you smile a lot and be who they want you to be, but you don't really have a blast doing it.

After almost an hour of this, I had had enough. When James and I were about to cross the office to say hello to someone else James knew, I finally pulled him back by his arm and said, "I'm kind of tired of this. Can we go?"

"Merlin, I thought you'd never ask," he responded with relief. "C'mon. Let's get out of here."

Grinning, I gripped his hand and the two of us sidled out of the office, saying our good-byes but hurrying away quickly before we could get entangled in any more conversation. By the time we were out the door, at last, the hilarity of the situation returned to me and I couldn't stop giggling. I guess James just did that to me.

"Merlin's beard, I thought you would never finish!" I said.

"Me? I was dying inside after the first few hello's – it was you who looked like you were having fun and I desperately wanted my money," he countered. "So was I right? Did you have fun?"

"Not really," I admitted. "It was kind of terrible."

James sighed. "Unfortunately, you were right. The party was nothing to be excited about. I didn't enjoy much of it either."

"But I did have a little bit of fun, when we were getting in and people were staring at our beautiful accessories," I added, to make him feel a bit better. "And the éclairs were excellent."

"I could tell – you'd had about eight of them," said James with a snort.

"You have yet to get accustomed to my eating habits," I said. "Don't worry. Livvy would share your disgust."

"So…I think it's fair to give me five Galleons," he said. "I mean, you did have a little bit of fun going with me, didn't you?"

Because I didn't want to admit how much so, I considered a moment and said, "Yeah, I suppose so."

"Great." James beamed. "Five Galleons to me, please. You can give them to me after we come back from break."

"Sounds good," I said. "Just remind me."

"Can do, madam," he chirped, his face alight with cheerfulness as we made our way up another staircase, leading up to our dormitory.

We walked in silence for a couple of minutes as we approached the corridor with our portraits in it. It was a dear little corridor, tucked away where nobody really went, and I had grown to kind of love it, in a homey sort of way. The two of us stopped in front of my portrait, because it came first. I felt like I was in a teen romance film and my "date" was taking me home and standing awkwardly on my doorstep.

I smiled at him fondly and said to him genuinely, "Thank you for coming with me, James. I did have more fun than I would've had if you didn't go."

He seemed pleased to hear it. "You're welcome, Lily. And, even though you really didn't have a choice, thank you for inviting me along. Now I will never want to go to a Slug Club party for as long as I live."

I chuckled. "Told you so."

"Good night," he said sweetly. "I'll see you tomorrow so we can say good-bye properly."

"Sounds good," I said. "Good night. I'll see you tomorrow, then."

His hand looked like it wanted to cross the distance between us and make contact with mine, but it remained steadfastly by his side, straying nowhere.

I turned to my portrait, about to say my password and retire for the evening (I had already informed Alice and Livvy I would bring them up to date on the train tomorrow), when all of a sudden, James said, "Lily?"

I whirled around. "Yes?"

Despite the nose and ears still making him look like a fool, his eyes were deadly serious as he said, "Things have changed between us this year, but I love being your friend. I really, really do."

I felt the heat rise in my cheeks like magma rises in a volcano. I opened my mouth to say something, anything, some shade of thank you, or I like you, or I'm happy to be with you; but before I could, he had turned around and was walking to his own portrait. He seriously intended on leaving me hanging like that, after everything we had gone through tonight.

His words were so simple. Did he mean exactly what he said, or was there some secret message hidden in there that I have to find a decoder ring for? Merlin's beard, I never, ever know these things. Why did I bring our relationship to this uncomfortable place? It was going so well. Why did I give him clearance to talk to me like that? Why was this so hard? Why did I feel so wrong every time he looked at me that way? It was impossible for me to say.

I came into my portrait hole after he left, deciding he was not worth pursuing tonight because I wouldn't know what to say, and I came to this diary, the stain of the past couple of minutes darkening all the lightness of the past hour.

The possibilities are endless. Honest to goodness, they are. He could've meant anything, anything at all, and I am afraid to presume anything, because making a mistake with James Potter, after all this time, is detrimental. I don't want to ruin what we've got by making stupid conjectures that are too far from the truth. We walk a fine line, we really do, and stepping on either side could hurt one or both of us irrevocably. I don't want to be the one to make that mistake.

But, as I was writing here and replaying the night's events in my mind's eye, I do have one theory I want to make note of in the safety of my private diary…

When James and I were standing at the food table together, and I told him I liked being with him, and he stared at me and I got that funny feeling in my tummy and the room seemed to close in on us…I think the buzz was something very simple:

Potential.

But what this potential was for, I am afraid to know; because sometimes, the truth is even scarier than the products of my over-active imagination. Maybe it was a good thing I interrupted the moment we were having. These are dangerous places we could be edging towards.

My head is too full for writing at the moment. At present, I am going to relish a full night's sleep after so long, and I am going to bed. I will leave the theorizing to Alice and Livvy on the train tomorrow. They'll have fun with it, I'm sure.

Good night. I shall write again once my best friends have finished with me…which might take a while.

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A/N: I had a very joyful morning writing this and I sincerely hope you enjoyed this. Please do review – I would love to know how the scene felt to you!