When the Walls Come Tumbling Down Chapter 25
I don't own SVU.
Olivia was partially through her second full bottle of whiskey by the time she worked up the courage to open Maria's diary. She cursed at herself as the words seemed to dance just a bit on the page. She briefly wondered what time it was and how long Elliot had been gone. He would read it to her if she asked him to.
After a few minutes of feeling sorry for herself, Olivia attempted to read the little girls words. She read each line more than once, knowing she should probably put the book down and try again later. She didn't want to lose the connection she was feeling with Maria, so she forced herself to focus. Olivia realized Maria had started writing right after the incident in her father's shop.
My daddy is crazy mad right now. He will probably punish me when he comes home. He said my mommy left us for good this time and I made her leave. I didn't mean to, I tried to be good for her. Mommy never got mad at me like daddy did.
Olivia was relieved the entry was over. She could feel the confusion and pain in the words Maria wrote. She could almost hear her voice as she concentrated on pages that followed.
Daddy was so mean to the nice police lady that came in to help us. She tried to talk to him, but he only yelled and hit her. I made him hit her, I didn't mean to. She said it was okay, but I messed up again and daddy hit her too. Then she made me leave. I was scared of daddy but I didn't want to leave.
The police man told me that the nice police lady was hurt really bad. Daddy hurt her really bad for making me leave. I don't want her to die. She was so nice.
Olivia closed the book using her fingers as a bookmark. She grabbed for the bottle, swallowing without flinching. She then flipped further into the book. She recognized instantly what was happening in the entry she flipped to.
Olivia said they wouldn't let me come live with her. I promised to behave and Olivia said they still said no. I don't want to stay here anymore. Everybody is so mean. Olivia was fun and said that she really wanted me to live with her. I know she didn't want to but I saw her crying. I know it wasn't her fault. She tried to adopt me. I don't understand why I couldn't go live with her, I know she would take care of me good. Maybe because I am Hispanic, and she isn't. Olivia talked to me in Spanish sometimes, only when I asked her to.
Olivia tossed the book onto her coffee table. The tears were streaming down her face by this time and she was undoubtedly sorry she read any of it. Her chest felt worse than her ribs and the bottle did nothing to alleviate any of the pain she was feeling. She finished the bottle, letting it fall to the ground. She rested her head against the back of the couch, letting her eyes fall closed.
She was startled by Elliot's arrival as he pushed open the door to her apartment. He took one look at her and knew she was wasted. He let out a long sigh as he made his way over to the couch. She opened her eyes already knowing he was there.
"Rough afternoon?" Elliot tried to keep his voice even as he tried to figure out exactly how bad off she was.
"Something like that." Olivia's voice was also at an even level.
Elliot glanced around the room seeing the shattered glass as well as the box of Maria's things. He reached out to gently touch Olivia's face, surprised she would flinch away. Her eyes had been closed, but she was forever the cop. Her instincts were obviously on overdrive.
"You okay?" Elliot waited for her to tell him what he should do next.
"I will be." Olivia opened her eyes and attempted to sit up straight. She winced at the pain that was all too present and abandoned the effort.
"Still hurting huh?" Elliot asked watching her carefully. "Although I don't see how you could be feeling anything right now." He noticed the second bottle on the floor next to the couch.
"Don't start with me." Olivia mumbled as she pushed through the pain to sit up straight.
"Olivia, I know you're having a hard time with all this. Who wouldn't be? You and I both know drinking isn't the answer. You know what it did to your mother." Elliot braced for what he knew his words would do to her.
Olivia pushed herself to a standing position, reaching for the crutches. Elliot was surprised to see she was able to manage them at least somewhat efficiently. He could tell she was hiding the pain they caused her ribs. Once steadied, she turned to face him. "That's was a bit of a low shot, don't you think?"
Yeah, he knew it was. "I know it's hard to face what happened. I know you miss Maria. I know you blame yourself for Cragen and Fin and all the others at the house, but Liv…"
"Elliot." Olivia was able to silence him with just the tone of her voice. "I just need a little time, okay?"
Elliot watched her make her way into the kitchen. He shook his head as she headed to the cabinet. He knew he should've cleared it out before she got home. He didn't stop her as she returned already into yet another bottle. She should be beyond passed out at this time. He approached her as she neared the couch, taking the bottle from her. He knew she was about to protest, when he took a swig of her poison. He was careful not to react to the burn as he felt it slide down his throat.
Olivia watched him as he carefully set the bottle down out of her reach. "I get it, Liv. I really do. I just hate seeing you in so much pain." Elliot took a step to his right, blocking her attempt to grab the bottle.
"Don't do this, El." Olivia was growing angry and Elliot could only wonder how long before she passed out cold.
"Talk to me instead."
"I don't want to talk, I want to sleep. That's all, El. I'm so tired, I just want to sleep." Elliot cringed as her voice cracked at the end.
"Okay, I'll help you." Elliot held out his hand. "I'll hold you until you do…sleep."
Olivia knew she loved this man and she knew he was struggling as well. "You need to rest too, you look exhausted."
"Lets rest together." Elliot embraced the feeling of relief that was consuming him. He watched Olivia thinking it over. He then watched as her balance shifted and she fell before he could get to her.
"No, Elliot, no!" Olivia held up her hand to keep him away. "This is who I am now. I am a god damned cripple."
"Liv…" Elliot tried to approach again but was turned back by her words.
"No! I have to learn to take care of myself." Olivia rolled over onto her back, breathing hard. Elliot watched the stomach breathing due to the ribs and grew even more worried.
"Olivia, you just got out of the hospital. Cut yourself a break." Elliot considered just picking her up and taking her to lie down on her bed. She'd be pissed, sure, but he'd feel better knowing she would be in a good position to sleep this off.
Olivia pulled herself to a standing position. She then moved towards the couch and sat down slowly. Her hands went to her left thigh, rubbing the muscle aggressively. Her eyes searched for and found his.
"Why didn't he just kill me, El? He blew my leg off, he could've easily just killed me." Olivia could feel her body giving out on her.
Elliot moved closer and was relieved when she didn't move away. He slowly wrapped his arms around her and held still as she slowly relaxed into his chest. "I'm so glad he didn't."
Elliot held her for a long few minutes before carefully sliding his arm under her good knee. He lifted her into his arms with no resistance from her at all. He could feel her breath on his neck as he headed towards her bedroom. Olivia's eyes were focused on him as he lied her down gently on her bed. She closed them, once he sat down next to her. "I'm really tired, El."
"I know." Elliot smoothed the hair from her face before leaving her alone to sleep. He made his way back out to the living room. He cleaned up the glass and stood the crutches up against the wall. He let himself fall down into her couch realizing his own exhaustion. He saw the small blue book on the coffee table and reached for it. He knew what it was the instant he opened it and despite his better judgment, he began to read.