Chapter 25

With George's case over I knew I should really have returned to focusing on my work, getting back into my regular routine but I found I couldn't bring myself to. Instead I asked for a couple of weeks of vacation time, wanting to take some time out and figure out my life.

I toyed equally with the idea of telling Ron about my doubts and my feelings for Draco and the idea of contacting Draco himself, just to talk, maybe decide whether we wanted to try and stay friends. I knew Harry still talked to him sometimes, Ginny mentioned once or twice that he had been round to their house with Scorpius, watching me closely each time.

Ron spent a lot of time drifting between work and his parents house but he came home each night, he made sure he spared the time to sit down and eat with Rose and I. Conversation between us was stilted though, we talked about our day, about friends and family, people at the ministry but never anything deeper.

He didn't seem to take notice of the fact that Draco no longer spent any time at our house and I could almost congratulate myself on trying to move forward. I would have if it weren't for the fact that drifting about the house, looking after Rose, reading the occasional book, made me feel crushingly lonely.

I could feel myself sinking and tried to fight it, making plans, random lists of things I could do to give my life the comfort of a structure. The house soon became littered with the small lists scribbled hastily on scraps of parchment, some simple and mundane, what shopping we needed, odd jobs that needed doing around the house. Others were grander, plans for reaching out to friends I hadn't spoken to in a few years, idea's for a research paper on the roots of magic that I had thought wistfully about writing and publishing for years.

I even started to debate whether a change of career might give me better direction, that alone spawned dozens of lists, pros and cons of my current job, idea's for what career I might want to embark on if I did decide on a change of pace. I had become fairly financially stable in my own right, my job with the ministry was small and obscure but a lot of my work went towards the research being done in the Department of Mysteries and I was paid fairly well.

Ron's job was also stable, Quidditch being such a large part of the Wizarding community and we had enough savings in our joint account at Gringotts that I was sure a change of career wouldn't affect our quality of life. The idea was beginning to sound increasingly promising and I knew that at least in part I was looking forward to embarking on a new venture that was entirely separate from my emotional worries.

Just over a week and a half had passed since the trial when I decided to try and broach the subject with Ron after dinner had been finished and we sat comfortably in the living room. A wizarding radio station played music softly in the background and I was curled up on one end of the sofa with my legs tucked under me and a heavy tome on the fire culture that had sprung up around dragons when they first came into contact with wizards on my lap.

Ron was reading the Daily Prophet on the chair on the other side of the room.

"Ron?"

"Mm?" He murmured distractedly.

"I was thinking about quitting my job, maybe looking into doing something else, what do you think?"

"Oh."

"It's just I feel like I want to stretch my wings a bit more, see what I'm capable of and I can't really do that where I am at the moment so I thought maybe a change of pace was in order. We've got enough savings that it shouldn't do anything to jeopardise our financial stability, I just feel like I want to-"

"Wait, what? You're quitting you're job?" The paper dropped from Ron's fingers then and he looked at me, completely bewildered, "Where on earth did this come from?"

I bit back the barbarous comment that I was explaining where it had come from if he would only listen.

"It's just that I feel like I could be doing more with my life, there aren't exactly many opportunities for promotion or branching out where I am now, I can't even choose what I research, I just get the assignments handed to me. I'm starting to feel like I'm in a rut." I finished, the frustration seeping through my teeth even as my jaw clenched shut to hold it back.

"I don't understand," he started slowly, "I thought you liked your job, you've been perfectly happy working there for years now, why the sudden turnaround?"

"I was happy working there before, it's a perfectly good job, I just don't want to stay there forever and I was thinking I should try for something new whilst I'm still young," I tried to explain, knowing that I would go ahead with my plans anyway but wanting to have Ron's support. Major life decisions were supposed to be discussed with your spouse, it was the mature thing to do no matter how many headaches it might bring on.

"You're really willing to uproot our lives like that?" I opened my mouth to reply but he cut across me, "I know, I know, you don't think it will make a difference to our financial stability, but it would make a slight difference and what about the overall stability of this family? If you don't know what work you're going to be doing then how will you know when you have to go somewhere? I've still got my job and you can't always rely on Ginny, she has things to do as well, what are you going to do about Rose?"

I pinched the bridge of my nose tiredly, knowing that his concerns were valid but resenting the implication that I hadn't already considered the fact that I may not always be working at home anymore and therefore not be able to look after Rose.

"Where possible I will try and do everything from home, you know I wouldn't just keep leaving Rose with Ginny," I beseeched.

"I know, but-"

"I can't say that I have a definite plan yet, because I don't but the first thing I want to at least try is to write this research paper and try and get it published, maybe try to start to make a name for myself,"

"So you would be at home at first but you still don't know what you would be doing after that, and why do you suddenly want to start 'making a name for yourself'? Most people already know your name, where is this coming from?"

I noticed he left unsaid how people did know my name but more importantly I realised that this really was coming out of the blue for him, It had been too long since I had had a conversation with my husband about my dreams, my aspirations, my ambitions. No, I had spoken of those to Draco and before that merely kept them to myself. I had to suppress a sigh, seeing a few things in a new light. It was true that to an extent Ron had stopped listening, had grown complacent but I had grown complacent too. I had stopped trying to make him listen, stopped sharing things with him.

Chillingly I had to wonder how well we really knew each other these days, whether the people we had grown into over the years of our marriage had become strangers.

"I've wanted to branch out on my own for a while now, I just haven't said anything before today because it was only a vague idea that I wasn't even entirely sure I wanted to pursue. Only now I am sure, I want to do this Ron, I want to do it for myself. I know that I'm capable of becoming a recognised scholar, I think that I have at least managed to prove that to myself and others through my work at the ministry. I just need to take that final step and start to doing some independent research, can you try and understand that I need this?" I was sitting closer to the edge of the sofa now as I were trying to reach across the distance between us as I looked at Ron imploringly.

He dragged his hand through his hair roughly before he met my eyes, he was leaning forwards now too, elbows resting on knees. There wasn't much space between us but in those few tense moments whilst I waited for Ron to support me or shoot me down it might as well have been miles upon miles worth. I wondered why neither of us would make the small movement it would take to carry us next to each other when it would have been so natural just a few years ago.

"If it's what you want to do then I can't stop you but 'Mione, I still want you to at least try and consider the idea of us having another child, it's as important to me as this is to you. You can't expect me to just agree to all your decisions and not even give mine any deliberation before you refuse."

So this was how it would be, for him to agree to support my career change without any opposition I would have to exchange a promise of someday, and from the look in his eye, someday soon having another child with him. I hesitated, my mouth open slightly as I tried to find the words to answer Ron with.

"I-I'll think about it, maybe after I've managed to securely establish my career as a scholar, maybe then," I conceded even as my heartbeat thrummed with vague panic but maybe it was worth it seeing the happiness on Ron's face as he finally bridged the gap between us to sit next to me, pulling me into a tight hold. He cupped my face and kissed me softly and I couldn't help but lean into it, searching for comfort but when he pulled back and looked at me with shining eyes I failed to find it.

Instead stress and worry flooded me, bringing with it the inevitable sense of having nowhere to turn, nowhere to go and a strange sense of loss.

"Everything's going to be brilliant," Ron smiled.

I want to hit both of them, I really do. Anyway, no Draco this chapter, sad times but he'll be back in the next one don't worry. Thank you again for all the reviews, you guys really are awesome, I really didn't realise this would be so long when I started it, it just sort of snowballed when I wasn't looking but you guys have been so nice that I simply have to get to the end of it for you :) for the record as well, said ending isn't quite in sight yet ;)