Disclaimer: The wonderful world of Mass Effect isn't mine…blah, blah, blah…you all get it. Eira is mine.

I'm really so excited for the next few chapters, dear readers! Tuchunka was a serious turning point and the chapters to come are going to be jam-packed with angst and beautiful, wonderful tension as things get more intense for Eira and Shepard!

Thank you all so much for your reviews and patience! – Fallon.

Chapter Twenty-Four

"Guilt is to the spirit, what pain is to the body." – Elder David Bedner

The skycar ride back to the docking bay was long, quiet, and awkward. Eira sat beside Shepard in the front seat, but was curled up as far from him as her safety belt would allow. She'd pulled up the hood of her sweater and was resting her head against the window as she watched the cars whiz by.

Completely lost in thought, she kept replaying his words in her mind.

'You don't remember what you said?'

Eira gave a heavy sigh and began toying with the drawstrings of her sweater as she fought with the truth.

She risked a quick glance at Shepard and frowned.

She recalled more than she admitted to him in the hospital room.

While much of it was in bits and pieces, scattered and blurred, she remembered the panic that tore through her the moment she realized Shepard wasn't going to move. Her chest had tightened so violently she thought her heart might burst. It was that fear that made her spring forward.

The sheer force behind the maw's hit wasn't something she'd soon forget. Besides the agony the acid brought, the speed of the attack sucked all the air from her lungs and flung her backwards. And the sizzling, all-consuming burn that came afterwards…

She cringed.

Mercifully it hadn't lasted long. She'd passed out, spending hours in quiet darkness until waking in the Normandy's med-bay.

He'd been playing with her hair…

Eira looked over at him and noticed he had a white-knuckle grip on the steering wheel. He looked uncomfortable and while his focus was on navigating the traffic, it was clear something was plaguing him.

'What the fuck do I have to do to keep you out of trouble?'

There was no figuring him out. He'd always been distant, cut off; like he was trying to keep as much distance between himself and the people around him as possible. One moment he had only to glance her way to send her heart aflutter and the next he was practically frothing with anger. It was enough to give her whiplash.

Feeling the beginnings of a headache approaching, Eira pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes. She relaxed in her seat some, moving slowly so as not to agitate her wounds. Once her back was flat against the seat, she let out the breath she hadn't been aware she'd been holding.

"Are you all right?"

She didn't bother opening her eyes, answering him with a quiet hum.

"Eira?"

Frustrated by his persistence, she cracked one eye open and scowled.

His gaze snapped from the traffic to her and then back, concern etched upon his handsome face. He had reached out across the cabin to lightly touch her wrist and she noticed he had signalled to pull over.

Before Tuchunka, she would have given anything to get such a small, affectionate gesture from him. Now she didn't have the patience for it. It felt forced, fake. As though he was withholding something from her, despite all that had happened, and she wanted to scream until her lungs burned and her fury subsided. But she couldn't. Her throat was tight, unshed tears being barely held back despite the flurry of emotions tearing through her.

"Please," she snapped coldly, "I just want to get to the Normandy…"

From the corner of her eye she saw him shake his head.

"No, you don't look well. You're pale –

"Stop!" She spat, swatting his hand aside, "Just stop!"

Fists clenched and chin trembling with barely contained emotion; she cursed under her breath as tears trailed down her pale cheeks.

"Eira…"

His voice was soft and sad.

It was infuriating.

"Just stop," she growled, "I just want to get back to the ship, to my room. I'm fine, I'm alive and you can swallow whatever fucking guilt you've got," she choked on a sob, "just…stop…"

Shepard swallowed hard, gripped the wheel even tighter, and forced himself to keep driving. He wanted to push, to do whatever it took to make things better between them once again, but he remained silent. Her quiet sniffles and attempts to put as much space between them as she could in the confined space were like two hands gripping his heart and slowly squeezing in a vice that made breathing difficult.

How did it come to this, he wondered.

It was supposed to be easier this way.

She thought, after the skycar ride, seeing everyone would be easier in comparison.

It wasn't.

Gabby had been the first to spot her, and had squealed in delight as she sprinted across the mess hall to her. As overwhelmed as the engineer had been, she'd known enough to be gentle as she pulled Eira into a hug. Kasumi had been next, and had surprised Eira with a kiss to her undamaged cheek.

"I can't put into words how good it is to see you, Eira," the thief said softly, clasping her by the shoulders and regarding her with a bright smile.

Eira returned the gesture with a smirk, "Kasumi…I missed you…"

"Eira!"

She caught a glimpse of Garrus approaching and released Kasumi to meet the turian's embrace. It was awkward, what with the jagged pieces of his armor digging into her chest, but she hugged him back as tightly as she could.

"You're some kind of lucky, kid," he said with a heavy sigh, "didn't think we'd be seeing you back on the Normandy again."

"We're glad to be proven wrong," Kasumi added.

"Can we help with anything?" Gabby said; nodding to Shepard who had the bundle of medications Huerta had given her slung over his shoulder.

Eira caught his gaze, felt the bizarre wave of sadness and hurt radiating from him, and looked away before the tightness in her chest snapped.

"I've got it," Shepard said quietly, giving them all a quick nod before retreating to the med-bay without as much as a backward glance.

He left a strange silence in his wake and she kept her focus on the closed med-bay door, waiting for him to reappear but knowing he wasn't going to; at least not until the mess hall cleared out.

Eira wasn't sure what to do.

As hurt and confused as she was, she still found herself hoping he was all right; hoping that if he needed help he knew enough to reach out to Chakwas or maybe Garrus. He had to feel it too after all, the awkward energy between them; as if something had been said that could not be unsaid, as though they were somehow at the point of no return.

She retreated from the hall as quickly as she could, uncomfortable with those who hadn't said a word to her prior to Tuchunka lining up to give their congratulations or shake her hand now. In her hurry to get to the lift, she collided with a slim, dark figure that appeared out of nowhere as she rounded the corner.

Eira stumbled backward a few steps but the person she'd hit had fallen to the ground.

Mortified, Eira stammered to apologize only to be beaten to it by the girl she'd hit.

"Keelah! I'm so sorry! Are you all right?"

Eira looked down at the girl, caught off-guard by her apologies and her appearance. She was slim and wore a dark suit that covered her entirely. At a quick glance she looked somewhat human; it was only when she looked closer that she saw the strange shape of the girl's calves and hands. The mask she wore obscured her features, leaving only faint shimmers of light where Eira assumed the girl's eyes were.

Eira recalled having read about a race confined to envirosuits for the entirety of their lives during her studies on Nafna, but never thought she'd cross paths with one. Quarians, she remembered them being called.

"I-I'm fine," Eira stammered, offering the girl her hand, "I should have been looking where I was going, I'm sorry!"

The strange girl laughed and reached to accept Eira's outstretched hand.

"Are you okay?" Eira asked once the girl had been righted.

"I'm fine, thank you. I don't believe we've met, I am Tali'zorah vas Neema. You can call me Tali."

"I'm Eira –

"Ah, so you're the one Shepard went to fetch from the hospital?"

Eira nodded.

"You're lucky to be alive, from what I've been told. Shepard found me on Haestrom not long after you were injured. He got me out of a tough spot and I left my position with the Flotilla to help him here."

"Haestrom?"

"A planet that was once home to my people," Tali explained as she punched in the commands for the lift, "You were headed for the lift, yes? Engineering level?"

Eira nodded, "Yes, thank you. You…you're quarian, right?"

"I am," Tali said with beaming enthusiasm.

"I'm sorry, that was rude of me," she shrugged a little as she gave Tali an apologetic look; "I've just never met one of your people before."

Tali chuckled, "It's really all right. Quarians are rarely seen away from the Flotilla, so that's not a surprise. And if what Garrus told me is true, you grew up on an isolated space station."

"I did," she boarded the lift with Tali, the unease and urge to flee she'd been feeling previous forgotten, "It was raided…a lot of people died. The commander saved me. I've been here since."

"Hmm, Shepard does have a way of being in the wrong place at the right time. You've returned the favor, haven't you? He said you took a maw hit for him, saved his life."

Her words took Eira by surprise.

He said that? He'd spoken about what had happened?

"Eira?"

"I'm sorry; I just…really didn't think he'd mention what happened to anyone."

The lift came to a halt and the doors hissed open. She followed Tali out in a sort of daze, unsure of what to make of the quarian's words.

"He didn't say much," Tali said quietly, glancing around them to make sure they were alone, "I was with him in his battle against Saren and stayed aboard after…right up until the SR-1 was attacked and Shepard died."

"You've known him for a long time, then?"

Tali nodded.

"I was on my pilgrimage, my rite of passage into adulthood. I was so intimidated by him back then," she chuckled.

That Eira could relate to. She remembered how flustered she'd been around him. Beyond the physical, his confidence and intensity were impossible to ignore. It was magnetic; it was what drew people to him and made him the leader he was. Even with all that had happened between them, all the hurt and anger, she still felt it.

Eira frowned. She didn't want it. She wanted to hold onto her hurt, use it to smash out everything else he made her feel. All it did was complicate what she felt.

"He might have been dead for two years, but I still know him," Tali continued, "so I knew when we crossed paths on Haestrom that something wasn't right. When I boarded the Normandy and caught up with Garrus, he mentioned you and what had happened."

Eira swallowed hard.

Suddenly light-headed, she wanted to be in her room.

"I…I should lie down," she said in a quick breath, "I really think I need to lie down…"

Not caring how it looked to her new comrade, Eira slipped past Tali and headed down the corridor to her room. She heard Tali hurry after her.

"I'm fine I just need to –

"Lie down, I know," Tali finished, gently hooking her arm through Eira's to help keep her upright, "I'm sorry, I've upset you."

Eira shook her head, "No. No…I'm just tired."

Tali matched her pace, seemingly content to help her to her room regardless of how long the process took.

"Keelah, I shouldn't have said anything," Tali said softly as she helped Eira through the threshold and onto her bed.

"It's not you –

"You were fine until I started talking about Shepard," Tali pointed out.

"I…"

Eira didn't know what to say. When she failed to find the words, she merely shrugged and hoped Tali would leave it at that.

"I have to tell you something and I hope you're willing to listen," Tali said abruptly, her voice gentle but strong and unwavering.

Taken by surprise, Eira made to protest.

"You really don't have to say anything," she pressed, "you're his friend and we don't know each other. You don't owe me anything."

"True, but I feel as Shepard's friend I have to make you aware of something," Tali began, "Garrus told me what happened; you saved our friend. Thank you for doing what you did. I think you need to know that a few days after Haestrom, I found Shepard in your room."

Eira didn't know what to say, she honestly thought she had heard Tali wrong.

"I don't understand…w-what?"

Whatever she had been expecting, that had not been it.

"He looked awful," Tali said sadly, "like he hadn't slept in days. He said that he froze on Tuchunka and you took the hit. He seemed…amazed and confused; that you had risked your life for him after he'd treated you so horribly. He said that you know? That he treated you badly."

The frantic beating of her heart was alarming and left her feeling as though all the air had been sucked from her lungs.

"Why are you telling me this?" she snapped between sharp breaths.

"I cannot imagine the pain you endured from that maw's hit. You didn't have to –

"I did," Eira admitted with a quivering chin.

She wasn't sure where the admission came from, but when the words left her lips she felt struck by a sudden wave of emotion; as if she was allowing herself to feel the weight of her words for the first time.

I had to…I had to save him.

Tears welled in her eyes.

Despite everything I had to.

Mortified, she hurried to dismiss the quarian.

"Please, I really just want to lie down now."

Tali hesitated, having more she wanted to say, but decided against it and stood to take her leave.

"I'm sorry, Eira. I didn't mean to upset you."

Eira nodded, "I know…I…it's just been a long day."

"Rest well," Tali said warmly, gently squeezing Eira's hand before leaving.

As the door closed, Eira fell back onto her cot. She wiggled her way under the covers, moving purposefully to avoid hurting her back. Once settled, she rubbed the tears from her eyes and tried to make sense of what Tali had revealed. Alone with nothing but her thoughts, rest eluded her for hours.

In the days following her return to the Normandy, Eira saw little of Shepard. He always seemed busy, and was directing the crew from one system to the next to gather raw materials and complete various missions. None of which she was a part of. Sidelined by Chakwas, she occupied herself by helping Gabby in engineering and spending time with Kasumi in the lounge they once shared. She didn't mention what Tali had told her to anyone and tried to go about her days without dwelling on Shepard.

She never succeeded.

Late one night, after spending a few hours chatting with Garrus, Eira was heading back to her room when she was stopped in the main corridor on the engineering deck. She hadn't expected anyone else to be awake, and had jumped in surprise when a voice suddenly broke the silence that permeated the whole deck.

"Well if it isn't the princess…"

Eira turned and spotted Jack leaning in the doorway, her arms crossed and a smirk on her lips.

She hadn't seen much of the reclusive fugitive since their initial encounter, despite having moved to the same deck. Eira had just assumed Jack had taken Shepard's order to say away from her seriously. She was disappointed to see her now, but refused to show the weakness she had before.

Eira stood tall and squared her shoulders; determined not to shy away or show a hint of the unease she was feeling in the fugitive's presence.

"Good Evening, Jack."

Jack sauntered toward her, eyeing her up and down.

"Still in once piece I see," Jack said with an amused grin, "didn't think you had it in you, princess."

"You don't know a thing about me, Jack," Eira snapped, "now, if there is nothing else…"

She turned to continue on her way to her room.

"I'm going back to Pragia," Jack said, "to the facility Cerberus held me in; where they conducted their experiments. I'm going to blow it the fuck off the face of the planet."

Eira had stopped in her tracks and though she hadn't spared the fugitive a backward glance, her fists were clenched tightly at her sides in barely contained anger. Of course she knew where Jack was going with her talk about Cerberus…

"Good for you."

"Shepard has the Normandy heading there as we speak," she continued, savoring the rise she was getting out of the other woman, "you should go planet-side with us. Maybe then you'll open your fucking eyes and see Cerberus for what it is."

Eira broke and shot Jack a venomous glare. She'd never been so livid in her entire life. It consumed her entire body, leaving her trembling - but not in fear.

Tuchunka had burned that away and while she still felt that desire to buckle in the face of Jack's hurtful words, something new inside of her urged her to stand her ground.

"You're a failed experiment, Jack. I'm not."

"You sure of that?"

"Yes."

"Then come with us," Jack countered.

"What?"

She crossed her arms, "If you're so certain, come to Pragia and see for yourself."

She was too angry to care whether Chakwas or Shepard would allow her to go on a mission so soon. At the moment, she couldn't care less. All that mattered was not backing down and proving the arrogant biotic wrong.

"I'll be there."

Jack eyed her curiously, seemingly unsure of her resolve.

"I'm not some experiment," Eira said in a stern, low voice, "we're nothing alike. And if going to Pragia will shut you up, I'll be happy to go."

Eira saw something twitch in Jack's eyes and the amused, cocky look left her. It was alarming, just how sudden the switch was, but Eira managed to hide her surprise. Her anger remained after all, and it was all she wanted to focus on.

Now strangely somber, Jack stepped towards her. She didn't stop until they were face-to-face, with little more than a breath between them.

"You're going to end up eating those words, princess."