Here's a missing scene from "There's No Place Like Home" in Season 3, cause we all know they had to sleep by the fire together that night. (p.s. a lovely reader reminded me that Killian was wearing a fake hand at this point, not his hook. So, consider this a slight canon divergence as well.)

"Looks like we're back on track, love."

"Yeah…"

Her eyes fall to her hands, fingers rubbing where her mother's ring had rested only hours before, the same woman who looked at her just now as if she was but a stranger. A sob is threatening to wrench from her throat and she knows if she meets Killian's openly loving gaze again she'll lose it, and she just can't fall completely apart, not now. Her skin still tingles from where his glove had wiped away her tears, his willingness to touch her in that way signaling that he's also noticed the shift in the delicate balance of their relationship. As much as his comfort feels right, she'd rather hide behind their current crisis than deal with the jumble of emotions he's making it harder and harder for her to ignore.

The leaves and branches of the campsite crunch under his boots as he moves away and she finally looks up, watching as he crosses to the wooden cart and climbs inside. She can hear him talking to David, but can't quite make out what they are saying from this distance. The last lingering raindrops hiss as they hit the charred logs in the fire as she walks closer, warming her hands in front of the flames after pushing the woolen cloak from her hair. Smoke tickles her throat as she breathes in, fatigue and the stress of their journey beginning to settle in as she narrows her focus to the dancing yellow and gold shooting embers into the night.

"Swan?"

Her heart clenches at the tentative tone in his voice and she turns quickly, plastering a small smile so as to not make him feel even more off balance, even if she herself is teetering. He's holding two lumps of burlap in his hand with a heavy fabric draped over his arm, his expression bordering on sheepish.

"David suggests we camp here for the night. I thought these might make the ground a bit more comfortable if we are to get any sleep at all."

The lack of innuendo in his suggestion merely adds to the tension between them, giving her nothing to rebuff or scoff at, sincerity and apprehension harder to respond to.

"Shouldn't one of us keep watch?"

"Seeing as she is rather nocturnal, Ruby's already offered. I daresay she's the best guard dog we could ask for, love."

A hint of a smirk curves his lip at his own joke before he turns to set the burlap bundles down on the log. He shakes the fabric out away from the fire and she watches as dust and straw fly through the air, small pieces landing in his wet hair and under the high collar of his coat. Her fingers itch to reach out and remove it, give in to the desire to wind her palm around his neck and let him pull her close, but she can't. Not yet.

When he lays the fabric a few feet from the fire she can see that it's larger than expected, plenty of room for them both to lie down and still maintain a bit of space between them. The pang of regret at this realization brings a blush to her cheeks, making her hastily look away from him as she moves to the log to pick up one of the burlap sacks. She's surprised to find it relatively soft, packed full of straw and bundles of dry leaves.

"Might not be the most comfortable pillow, but hopefully better than the wet ground?"

She can feel the all too familiar burn of tears behind her eyes at his thoughtfulness, his constancy, his frustrating inability to give her reasons to continue to push him away.

"Thanks."

Forcing herself to meet his gaze across the fire, she sees his expression change as he takes in the full weight of what she's whispered, the azure depths of his eyes brightening much like the glow of the flames between them. His slight nod brings a small smile to her lips and she reluctantly looks away, reaching for the other sack before joining him by the fire. Dropping the burlap onto their makeshift bed, she moves to sit, but hastily stops herself. Reaching over, she plucks the straw from his hair, noting how his breath catches and his lashes flutter, his body swaying towards her almost imperceptibly.

"You had this…"

Tossing the bit of straw into the fire, she averts her gaze, but feels his still on her, warming her more than the heat of the fire ever could. She moves to untangle the rope at her throat, planning to use her cloak as a blanket when the fire inevitably goes out in the night. Cursing under her breath at her inability to free the knot with her slightly shaky fingers, she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath in an attempt to calm her frayed nerves. She flinches when his hand suddenly covers hers, but doesn't step back, slowly opening her eyes to see that he's standing only inches from her with his hook slightly raised between them.

"Need a hand, love?"

The chuckle escapes her lips unbidden, his smile widening and eyebrow lifting as they both allow a moment of levity to crack, but not quite break the tension that has settled around them.

"Please, but don't just rip it, I need to be able to wear this again tomorrow."

"I can be delicate when the need arises, Swan."

Rolling her eyes to avoid his gaze, she lifts the fabric slightly from her chest to give him better access to the stubborn knot. His breath caresses her cheek as he steps closer and she's thankful he can't see the goosebumps erupting on her arms at his proximity, hoping he can't hear the quickening beat of her heart. Her eyes dart to his lower lip trapped beneath his teeth in concentration as he digs the tip of his hook into the tightened rope at her neck, wishing it hasn't been so long since she's had the pleasure of that lip sliding against her own. His knuckles brush her throat as he frees the now loosened knot, hook and fingers gingerly gripping the fabric to work it off of her shoulders. The intimacy of him undressing her, albeit just her cloak, rips her from her trance and she stiffens, his arms falling swiftly from the garment as he steps back a few steps.

"Apologies…"

"No, I…"

"Let's just get some sleep."

Her rejection has obviously burned his tongue, his words short and clipped as he shrugs out of his own jacket and stretches out on his back on his half of the fabric, his faraway gaze fixed on the stars overhead. Cursing herself once again, she moves to mirror his position, careful to keep her distance as she shuffles to find comfort on the hard ground. The crackling of the fire and the sing-song of nearby crickets attempt to fill the uncomfortable silence that has fallen between them, each second feeling like an hour as she desperately searches for something, anything to say.

"I'm sorry, Swan."

Softly spoken, his words startle her all the same, unsure as to what he has to apologize for considering all he has done for her the last two days. Turning her head, she sees his gaze has shifted to his hook now resting in his hand, gold reflecting off the silver from the now dying fire.

"For what?"

"I let you get taken by Regina, left you alone. All to find Snow, just to let her leave us and almost get herself killed. I wish I could have spared you, no matter that it wasn't real. No one should have to bear witness to someone they love perish like that. No one."

Unable to hold back, her fingers curl around his now whitened knuckles still gripping his hook, a small gasp escaping his lips at her touch as his head falls to look in her direction. His expression is one she knows well, loss and regret, loneliness in search of salvation, a small glimmer of hope and so many questions.

"Killian…"

Slowly pulling until he lets go of the metal, she threads her fingers through his and softly places their joined hands on the ground between them. His hand tightens until their palms are pressed as close as possible, the callouses on his skin comforting in ways she can't quite explain as his thumb softly caresses the back of her hand. Wanting desperately to give him more than this but knowing she can't, she turns her head away and closes her eyes, pushing down her own cravings to curl up against him and fall asleep in his arms. The silence falls again, heavy still, but for different reasons now, reasons she knows she will have to face before too long. But not tonight…

As the moon shines between the trees and the owls begin to howl, she finally drifts to sleep, her hand still wrapped up in his keeping her warm as the fire burns its last. She doesn't hear his ragged breathing or feel the tightening of his fingers as he whispers by her side, "I almost lost you, too."