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So... I got distracted by Naruto's, er, heartwarming ending, but here we go!

Chapter 25: We Take the Boat Ride of Death

Percy

When the sign outside said "water bed emporium," it definitely meant it. There were all sorts of water beds inside, all sorts that you could imagine. Different types of woods, sheets, sizes. I wondered vaguely whether my dad wanted the emperor-of-the-universe-size with a seashell pattern.

Maybe not.

Crusty pointed proudly to a bed covered in comfy-looking black satin sheets with built-in Lava Lamps on the headboard. It vibrated nonstop, and I suppressed the urge to tell our host that it looked like gross Jell-O.

"This is my most popular model. It comes with million-hand massage. Go on, you can try it out. Take a nap, I don't really mind. Haven't got good business today."

"That's not a good idea," I said, as Grover dove in.

Crusty stroked his leathery chin, regarding our goaty friend. "Almost."

One by one, he steered my friends into different water beds – one with a built-in heater for Jools, a built-in air conditioner for Leo… don't ask me how they managed that, They all looked irritated, except for Leo who babbled about making better modifications. Annabeth resisted the most when she was steered to the Safari Deluxe model, with teakwood lions on the frame and a leopard-pattered comforter.

My friends – except Grover and Leo – were squirming and protesting as Crusty snapped his fingers. "Ergo!"

Ropes sprang magically from the sides of the beds, lashing around my friends and pinning them to the beds. I exchanged looks with Nico, who was wide-eyed in terror. Thalia was looking at the scene with a frown on her face.

"Not cool," Grover yelled, squirming as the million-hand massage jerked him around.

"Almost. Darn it," Crusty muttered. He looked at us, and we slowly backed away – except Thalia, who stared at him defiantly. "Don't worry, you guys! We'll get nice and cozy ones for you in a sec."

"Thanks," Nico muttered, "but no thanks."

"Let them go," Thalia growled, stepping forward.

"Of course I will." Crusty looked wounded at her words. "I have to make them fit first, though. They're too short, those beds are exactly six feet. Can't stand imperfect measurements. Ergo!"

More ropes popped out from the top and bottom of the beds, wrapping around our friends' ankles and armpits. They slowly tightened and pulled my friends from both ends. I was so afraid that they might snap their spines or something.

"Those are just stretching jobs. No worries," Crusty continued. "They might even live… with three extra inches on their spines. Come on, let's find you nice beds."

"Procrustes," said Thalia, surprising even me. She was the worst at remembering all those Ancient Greek stuff. "That's your name, right?"

"The Stretcher?" I remembered the giant dude who tried to kill my ancient half-brother, Theseus, on his way to Athens. That was probably the first time that excess hospitality was used to kill people.

Nico seemed to get over his terror and grinned. "Well, I know why you ditched the name! I mean, it's hard to pronounce, huh? Bad business move." He glanced at us. "My mom's dad was a businessman, I think."

"Well, Crusty has a good ring to it."

Our stretchy friend smiled, his eyes lighting up in glee. "You think so?"

Thalia gave us a bewildered look, she played along. Thank the gods. "Of course! And have you seen the workmanship on these beds? Our camp would definitely like to place an order if they've seen those!"

We ignored our complaining friends. Crusty pointed to Grover's prison, er, bed. "That's right, it's a good selling point. But customers don't even care about that, do they? I mean, you don't see many Lava Lamp headboards, right?" His face fell. "Too bad I never get a good customer, exactly six feet. Why does everyone have to be inconsiderate?"

Nico looked horrified. "So what do you do to people longer than six feet, then?"

"That happens all the time, my good lad. Believe me, it's easier than fixing short people." Crusty reached behind a nearby sales desk and brandished a massive double-bladed bronze axe. "It's as easy as centering the subject and loping off the excesses on either end."

I felt sick. Annabeth turned pale, Jools even paler. Leo was trying his fire trick, but it seems like the ropes were enchanted. Grover made horrifying choking sounds. I turned back to the giant looming before us. "So," I began, pleased that my voice sounded light. "This Honeymoon Special looks cool. Does it really have dynamic stabilizers?"

"Oh, yes, yes! They will stop wave motion all the time! Perfect for couples. Try it out."

"I don't want to, I mean, not yet. I want to see if it'd work for a big guy like you too. No waves at all, right? Show me."

"No way."

"Way. C'mon, I'm an interested customer. Nico and Thalia here might even want to try it out themselves."

My two friends turned red. "Didn't you go a bit too far, Jackson?" Thalia hissed in my ears.

"That'd be fun…" Nico began dreamily.

Crusty sat down on the mattress eagerly, grinning at us as he patted the firm surface. "No waves at all. See?"

"Ergo," I said, snapping my fingers. I watched the ropes lash around him, pinning him to the heart-shaped mattress.

"Hey! This ain't part of the deal."

"Just a matter of centering him just right," Thalia said in excitement, and the ropes followed her bidding.

Crusty's head stuck out at the top, his feet at the bottom. I uncapped Riptide, fighting off my queasiness. If he was human, he wouldn't be harmed, anyway. But if he was a monster… well, he deserved what was going to happen to him. I ignored his offers, which stopped the moment I swung the sword.

Thalia and Nico drew their own swords, and together, we cut the ropes binding our friends. Annabeth glared at me. "Right. Funny. You should try being a bit faster sometimes."

"You look taller," I told her.

Jools rubbed his wrists. "Jackson, having you as a quest leader is terrifying. Know that?"

Leo laughed. "Oh, I don't know. Man, that was freaking brilliant!" He realized that his head was on fire, and he began to swat it off. "Stop! Stop!" He made a funny little dance until he put out the fire. "I hate it when that happens."

Nico whistled. "Check this out, you guys." He pointed at the bulletin board behind the sales desk. Most were just advertisements – Hermes Delivery Service, All-New Compendium of L.A. Area Monsters… and an orane flier for DOA Recording Studios, which offered commissions for heroes' souls. Nico squinted at the thick black text. "We are always looking for talent. Right."

"It's just a block from here," Jools said, casting off a nervous icy aura around us. I don't mind the coolness, but people outside would probably be alarmed by his walking air-conditioning powers. "Oops. Anyway, we better go."

"Don't you want to rest a bit?" Grover said. "We almost got stretched to death there!"

Nico rubbed his hands with a goofy grin. "You do know that it just helped you prepare for the Underworld, right?"

Nico

I followed my friends through the confusing mess of buildings and streets. I'm sure I've never been to L.A. before, and I wondered what my dad saw in it. We sneaked through the dark Valencia Boulevard, where I saw gold letters etched in black marble. DOA RECORDING STUDIOS. Though it was nearly midnight, bright light bathed the lobby. A tough looking meathead of a security guard sat behind the security desk.

Welcome to the entrance of doom.

"No solicitors, no vendors… no living? How obvious can they get?" Leo asked, making a face.

I rubbed my forehead, sort of expecting something to happen. After all, I was the son of Hades, and we were about to enter his domain. Maybe some sort of super-powered power up, like what Percy experiences when doused in water. Hmmm. That'd be fun.

"You guys remember the plan," Percy began.

"I love that plan," Grover told us.

Annabeth shook her head. "What if it doesn't work? So many things could go wrong!"

Leo cracked his knuckles menacingly. "You shouldn't really think so negatively, my dear Annabeth."

"Right. We're going to the Land of the Dead, and I shouldn't think negative?"

"I'm the Prince of the Dead," I told her, half-joking, half-serious. I didn't want to see her so upset. "Between my status and Percy's, uh, pearls, I promise you, we'll survive."

Jools nodded sagely. "And we'll save Percy's mom too!"

Thalia grinned. "Definitely."

Percy smiled beatifically at us. Definitely my type. But Thalia's my type too… oh, I don't know.

"Come on," I said, leading the way into the DOA lobby.

Soft classical music played softly, whether magically or on hidden speakers, I had no idea. I've been running around in this decade for a couple of years already, and I still haven't caught up to all the modern technology thingie. If ever we survived this day, I would like to have a word with my dad about his décor, though. The carpet and walls were both a bland gray. Bleh. Pencil cactuses grew in the corners, kind of like skeleton hands. The black leather furniture were so gloomy, and all of them were taken.

People sat on couches, some stared out the windows, and others waited on the elevator. Nobody did anything much, kind of like they were frozen in time. At one glance, you can see them fine, but maybe it was because of who my dad was, I was sure they were ghosts. They were transparent and flickered every now and then.

I glanced up at the security guard's desk, which sat on a raised podium. At first glance, he was tall and elegant, his skin the color of the best chocolate. His bleached-blond hair was shaved military style, which matched his tortoiseshell shades, but clashed against his silk Italian suit. Don't ask me how I knew that, but I'm sure as the Underworld that I'm also Italian. He had a black rose on his lapel, under a silver name tag.

Percy squinted at him. "Your name is… Chiron?"

The guy leaned across the desk, staring at us with a sweet but cold smile. Our pale faces were reflected in his glasses as he leered at us like a python. "What a precious young lad." His accent was a little unusual, maybe British, but probably learned as a second language. Like me. "Hey, mate, do I look like a centaur to you?"

"You're Charon," I said, recognizing him. I had vague memories of him, but they were too fuzzy and didn't really make much sense.

"Ah, glad to see one of you got his facts straight! I hate it when they confuse me with that old horse-man. So, my little dead ones, how may I help you?"

"We're not exactly dead," I ventured, ignoring my friends' protests. "I'm Nico di Angelo, son of Hades. We're here to see my dad."

"You do know the rules, right? I could bend it for you, being his son and all… but for regular mortals, I can't just give them passage!"

Percy pulled out three golden drachmas and set them on the counter. They were part of Crusty's stash, and we figured out that they'd be useful. "We've got that covered. That's part of the myths, right? We give you coins in exchange for passage?"

Charon growled, agitating the ghosts in the room. Thalia smiled. "You know my dad too. Zeus, Lord of Olympus and all that? He could get you demoted if you don't help us out. With the right nudging and winking, he might have you thrown to Tartarus for refusing to help us too."

"Lies," Charon hissed. "Your father, above all, knows the rules. It can be bent in special cases, like young Mr. di Angelo here. But not for all of you. I'll take these and keep quiet about you. Leave now."

I exchanged looks with Annabeth. I couldn't wait to compare notes with her. I only knew what Chiron taught us as Mr. Brunner, but our brainy friend here was a walking myth compendium. She shook her head.

Jools and Leo whispered something to Percy, who nodded. "That's a shame. No service, no tip."

"You look like a hard worker," I began. "I bet my dad doesn't give you enough. Those drachmas you saw? We have more where it came from. You deserve better. Appreciation and respect? Good pay? Don't you want that?" As I spoke, my friends stacked gold coin upon gold coin on the counter. "I am the son of Hades, here to take my friends to an important appointment with him. I could mention a pay raise. I'm sure he'd listen to me." I gave him my best evil dark overlord smile.

Charon stared at the coins hungrily, as if thinking of all the lovely Italian suits he could buy with those. "Lad, you're making some sense now. Some. Fine. The boat's almost full. I'll add all… seven of you and we'll be off."

I watched him scoop up the money, and then he led us through the crowd of waiting spirits, who started grabbing at our clothes. They whispered things, things that I was sure only I understood. They were demanding me to give them passage, use my rights as the son of Hades. Charon roughly shoved us out of the way, and let us into the crowded elevator. All of them clutched green boarding passes.

Our guide pushed away two spirits who tried to get in and gave the waiting room a dirty look. "No funny ideas while I'm gone, mates. If someone moves the dial off my easy-listening station again, the culprit'll be stuck here for another thousand or so years." He shut the door, swiped a key card into a slot in the elevator panel, and we were off.

"So, uh, what happens to the waiting spirits? In that lobby?" Annabeth asked.

"Nothing," Charon grunted.

Jools frowned. "Like, they're just stuck there? Man, that's pretty harsh."

Annabeth shuddered and exchanged horrified looks with Thalia. "You just let them mill around in there forever?"

Charon shrugged. "Yeah, unless I'm feeling dangerous."

We fell quiet. I was thinking of how I was going to lead my friends through the rest of the Underworld. I was sure I've never been there, but somehow I was also aware that my friends needed me to stay alive. We had to reach Hades, get the master bolt and trident back, save Percy's mom, go back to New York. All within less than twenty-four hours.

My stomach lurched, and I realized that we weren't going down anymore. We were moving forward. The air turned misty, and the spirits around us flickered, their modern clothes tansforming into hooded gray robes. Charon's Italian suit turned into a hooded black robe, and his tortoiseshell glasses disappeared, revealing empty sockets showing nothing but darkness. His flesh turned transparent, revealing a grinning skull.

I looked away.

Grover retched as the elevator transformed into a wooden barge. Charon was poling us across a dark and oily river that was littered with bones, dead fish, and other things. There were dolls, togas, crushed carnations… hopes and dreams that never came true because of death.

"The River Styx," Annabeth said, though I didn't need her to tell me that. I sensed it. "Why is it so dirty?"

"Not dirty," Leo muttered sickly. His eyes were fixed on what looked like an engine floating beside some workshop tools. "Polluted."

"Humans have been throwing in their wasted hopes and dreams for thousands of years. That's irresponsible waste management, that is," Charon pointed out.

It felt like some dark, twisted homecoming for me. Above us glittered massive stalactites that could probably cleave us in two. Ahead, on the far shore, was greenish light, like poison. I wondered whether this was a good idea, but somehow I still felt comfortable. Maybe it was a child of the Underworld thing.

I exchanged looks with Jools. With his white hair and pale face, he looked ghostly in the murky gloom. "What did we get ourselves into?" he asked softly.

"Hey, hey, no negative thoughts, remember?" Thalia said with a shaky laugh.

We reached the shoreline of the Underworld, lined with craggy rocks and scary volcanic sand. Not exactly home sweet home. A hundred yards in was a high stone wall, wrapping around every direction. I heard a large animal howling nearby. Cerberus.

We began to disembark.

So, the Underworld trip must be loads easier with Nico around, huh? Kind of, but not exactly...

I really am planning to do both PJATO and HOO series, depending on how much support I get, but I've got concrete ideas. Especially about Blood of Olympus... *glares at Leo*

Edit: I got sidetracked so much that I uploaded this chapter but FORGOT TO POST IT. ALMOST A MONTH AGO. DAYUMMM.

Read and review, as always!