Okay Catherine fans, you knew this was coming. When I changed the direction of the storyline, my plans for Catherine's part in it fell by the wayside. But I had to bring her back to tie up this loose end. I tried to treat her kindly...

Chapter 25 – Letting Go

"Letting go doesn't mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be."

~ Anonymous

Outside Harper James' hospital room at the Honolulu Medical Center…

Lieutenant Catherine Rollins always hated hospitals.

She hated the perfect and pristine whiteness of everything. She hated the clean and sterile smell, because it was just so fake, so artificial. It was inhuman to be this clean.

But most of all, she hated it because it was a place of death. There was the cold chill you got when you passed the morgue, knowing dead bodies lay within; dead bodies who used to be people's friends, siblings, other halves. Every time she walked in, she was reminded of death, and how no one will be saved from death in the end. People died in hospitals, and their memories would be erased without even being given a second thought about, fading into nothingness...leaving behind not a single trace of evidence that they had once existed.

That creeped her out. And not a lot of things could creep Catherine out.

She always hated hospitals.

Commander Steve McGarrett once told her she was overreacting, that hospitals were there to help people; there to keep people alive. But as she stood outside Detective Harper James' hospital room and watched the Commander's heart break over the patient lying in the bed beside him, she knew that he had been lying. As she listened to the man she loved profess is undying love for an ex-wife Catherine hadn't even known existed, she knew that the dedicated doctors who were working round the clock to save the Harper's life were also taking her lover away from her.

She always hated hospitals.

Steve sat alone next to Harper's bed with an unusually soft expression on his handsome face, waiting silently for something that would make her open her eyes again. Catherine hadn't known until a few hours ago that Steve even had an ex-wife, let alone that they had been working together. Add on top of that the fact that the Chicago detective had been kidnapped and while Steve and the Five-O team had tried moving heaven and earth to find her, she had managed to escape on her own.

That figured, Catherine thought shrewdly as she focused on the red headed woman's serene face. The love of Steve McGarrett's life wouldn't have been some damsel in distress waiting for her prince to ride to the rescue. Nope, he was one of the few heroes around without a hero complex. So of course Steve would marry the heroine…the one who stood side by side with him in battle.

The lieutenant knew something was wrong the moment she stepped out of the elevator and into the empty Five-0 headquarters. Call it woman's intuition, if you will, but she had long ago learned the hard way to trust her gut. Something wasn't right, but of course Catherine couldn't find the source of her unease as she scanned the empty bullpen and all of the desks that looked as if their occupants had run out of there in a hurry. It would have been too easy to deduce the real reason for the goose bumps marching up her back as analyst Jenna Kaye told Catherine about the events of the past week…the kidnapping, the manhunt, the escape, the hospital, the ex-wife.

She knew she shouldn't have come to the hospital. Catherine knew in the pit of her stomach that the evening wasn't going to end the way she had planned when she had carefully selected the body hugging red dress and matching stiletto heels. She knew that they wouldn't have that dinner that they had planned to share...they wouldn't have it later, they probably wouldn't have it ever.

But she came anyway. Because he had an ex-wife. An ex-wife that he hadn't told her about even though that ex-wife was in Hawaii working alongside him to find the man who had murdered his parents. And she just had to see it for herself.

The moment she stopped at the doorway of the Chicago detective's hospital room, Catherine knew she had made a mistake. Seeing it didn't make it any easier. She should have trusted her gut and stayed away. If she had stayed away she wouldn't have seen him raise Harper's lifeless hand to his lips as he apologized for walking away from their marriage and begged for another chance to make it right.

At the same moment, in the hallway of the Honolulu Medical Center, war weary Navy Intelligence Officer Catherine Rollins finally found out the real definition of pain: knowing that you love someone, and knowing that it's too late—they love another.

Catherine felt as if her heart was being ripped right out of her chest. She knew that Steve had never seen her as more than a "friend with benefits" and she told herself that she was okay with that situation. But she wasn't okay. Because she had fallen hard for the stoic and driven Naval Commander. Do you know that feeling when you first see someone and you're not only drawn to him, but you've just got to have him? You want all of him - physically, emotionally and intellectually. That's how it was for her. Steve McGarrett seemed perfect for Catherine - mature, confident, established. A man among boys. They were very compatible, and soon the idea of being together just made sense.

But something inside of her always knew this day was going to come. A man like Steve didn't stay single for that long without some further explanation. She always knew that some woman somewhere had to have been smart enough to stake her claim on Steven John McGarrett. And that woman must have done a number on him. And now she knew…that woman had been a detective named Harper James.

On their last date…the night she had met Harper, to be exact…Catherine began to have this uneasy feeling that something just wasn't right. Call it woman's intuition, call it a gut feeling, but in her heart Catherine knew he had been pulling away from her.

And now she knew why.

Turning to leave, the Naval lieutenant ran smack into the chest of a tall, broad shouldered stranger she hadn't even known was standing nearby.

"Ooh," she grunted softly as the hulking man reached out to steady her, "I'm sorry. I didn't even see you there."

"It's alright," he assured her, smiling down at her with kind eyes, "I didn't want to say something and startle you…you looked lost in thought."

Glancing back into the room over her shoulder, Catherine smiled wryly and answered, "Something like that."

"Is she a friend of yours?"

Realizing that he was talking about Harper, she quickly shook her head and informed him, "No, I've never met her." Sensing his confused expression, she added helpfully, "I'm a friend of Steve's…or so I thought."

The older man narrowed his eyes and repeated her words back to her, "So you thought?"

"I think things are about to change."

He suddenly understood and nodded as he asked, "You're the Commander's girlfriend?"

"Sort of."

"Sort of?"

Suddenly feeling the need to clarify things to this stranger, she explained, "We've never really classified what we are, but I don't think that conversation needs to happen now." Looking back into Harper's room, the brunette beauty added quietly, "She's his ex-wife."

"I know," the stranger answered just as quietly.

"Well, I didn't," Catherine informed him, looking back up at the attractive gentleman, "Until today. Are you a colleague of Detective James'?"

"No," he replied with a shake of his head, "I'm her father."

Of course, Catherine thought, as if she needed any more bombshells dropped on her head. Out loud, she said, "Oh. Oh wow. I'm so sorry." Looking up at Harper's father, the dark haired woman fumbled, "Wow. That must have sounded so selfish. Your daughter is in there fighting for her life and I'm rambling on about getting ousted out of a relationship I'm not sure I was a part of in the first place…"

"It's fine," Mickey reassured her, trying to hide the beginnings of a smile.

"No, it's not," Catherine disagreed, "I'm sorry about your daughter, Mr…?"

"James," he answered, "Mickey James."

"The Chicago Police Superintendent?"

Mickey chuckled as he replied, "I didn't know I was so famous."

"My sister and her husband live in Chicago," Catherine explained, moving away from the hospital room door, "She works for the Oprah Winfrey Show."

"Nice gig," the Superintendent answered.

"Yes, it is," she replied before they lapsed into an uncomfortable silence. Finally, Catherine said, "Well, I should go…"

"Don't you want to see Commander McGarrett?"

"No," she answered shaking her head and refusing to look into the room again, "He's busy. I shouldn't have come here. I'll just call him later…"

"He was sitting with Harper to give me a break so I could walk around a little," Mickey informed her, "I'm back now, so you could probably…"

"No," Catherine repeated. And then she said, more to herself than to Mickey, "And he wasn't just sitting there to give you a break."

"Pardon me?"

Realizing she had said the words out loud, she looked up into his dark eyes and stated, "He's there because he wants to be there. I'm pretty sure he would be sitting there even if you weren't taking a break…."

"They're divorced," the Superintendent reminded the young woman, "They have been for some time."

Laughing humorlessly, Catherine told him softly, "There are some people who meet that somebody that they can never stop loving, no matter how hard they try. There are some loves that don't go away. And your daughter had found that…in Steve. We should all be lucky enough to end up with somebody who never lets go. Someone who cherishes you forever."

Cocking his head to the side and regarding the Naval lieutenant with tired eyes, Mickey asked, "And you gathered all of that from standing here in my daughter's doorway for a few minutes?"

"A few minutes was all it took," she assured him and then cursed herself as she looked once again at Steve and added wistfully, "Look at how he looks at her. We never had that. He never felt that way about me. And he never will." Looking back up at Harper's father, Catherine smiled and said, "And I'm not just saying this because you're her father. Or because I feel bad that your child is lying in a hospital bed, believe me. I don't even know you. Or her. But I do know him. And I can't compete with that. He's not having an affair. He's not trying to hurt me. He's just..."

"He loves her," Mickey finished for her, studying his former son-in-law with new eyes, "He always has."

"Yeah," Catherine whispered quietly and then said in a stronger voice joked, "I guess that leaves me all dressed up with no place to go."

Mickey tore his eyes away from the man in love with his daughter and looked back at the young Naval officer as he said, "I'm sorry. If circumstances were different, I would offer to…"

"No," she interrupted with a laugh, "No, the last thing I need is a pity date from the father of my ex-boyfriend's ex-wife." When she saw him smiling down at her, Catherine added truthfully, "But thanks for the offer. And for being a gentleman. There aren't too many of your kind left out there."

"I'm sure you'll find one…"

"Cat, what are you doing here?"

Both Mickey and Catherine turned to see Steve coming out of Harper's hospital room. And before Catherine could fumble her way towards an answer, Mickey replied smoothly, "Commander, it seems that you owe this woman some dinner. Or at least a crappy cup of hospital coffee."

And without another word to either of them, Mickey moved past Steve and into his daughter's hospital room. Leaving the two of them out in the hall, simply staring at each other.

Finally, Steve said, "I guess you've heard…"

"That you were married? To his daughter?" Cat asked, trying to hide her hurt with sarcasm, "Yeah, I've heard."

"I was trying to figure out a way to tell you," he tried to explain, knowing that anything he said would sound pretty pathetic, "But then Jimmy got kidnapped and …"

"Jimmy?" Catherine repeated and then practically snorted as she mocked, "You have pet names for each other?"

"Cat…"

"Look, I should go," she interrupted, trying to move past him toward the elevators. But he blocked her exit.

"I'm sorry."

His quiet words were like the nail in her heart's coffin. Today was the first and only occasion she'd ever wished she could stop time. Rewind it to happier places, happier memories. Instead, time kept right on moving, right into the conversation she didn't want to have, knew she couldn't avoid. He stood before her, his face a mask of misery. Hands clenched into tight fists hung at his sides; she could hear his knuckles pop as he clenched them even tighter.

Her face was wet with tears, her emotions mirroring the expression on his face. She hated this feeling, didn't want things to come to this. Finally looking up at him, Cat whispered, "I know."

Steve's jaw clenched and she watched his fists open and close, saw the marks his fingernails had made on his palms while he felt guilty for being the cause of her sorrow. But the only thing he said was, "I never thought I would see her again. And then last week, there she was…here in Hawaii. And…"

"You realized you still loved her," she finished for him. And when their eyes met, her heart stopped at the look she saw there.

"When I walked away from Harper, in that moment, I thought I had lost the whole world and everything in it," Steve tried to explain, not realizing that his words were causing Catherine more pain, "I was left with the knowledge that no matter how much love we give away, we always end up losing. But I realize now that I was wrong. Not all love goes. Some love stays. If you give it a chance…"

"So you're getting a second chance?" Catherine asked quietly. "Well, that's great. Not for me, obviously. But if it's what you really want…"

"Cat…"

"No, it's okay," Catherine said, backing away from him and wiping her tears away, "I get it. You want her. You want her like I want you. You love her, like I love you. The only difference is she loves you back, the same way... and you deserve that, OK? And I'm not gonna be the one who stands in the way of you getting that. So, you're free, Steve…you can do whatever you want."

"Don't leave it like this, please," Steve pleaded, stepping closer and causing her to step back again, "I don't want you to be upset..."

"I'm not upset. I'm…disappointed," she told him, trying to hold on to her dignity, "I'm disappointed that you felt like you had to hide what was going on in your head, in your heart. I'm disappointed you didn't trust me enough to tell me the truth. I'm disappointed that you pretended you felt anything for me, other than friendship, in the first place."

"I never pretended," he whispered. "Never…"

"You just love her more, right?" Catherine asked, wondering why she was so insistent on prolonging this, "It's okay to admit it…I think we both know the answer to that question anyway."

More tears spilled from her eyes, dripped, hot and wet, down her cheeks, off her chin as she said, "That's love right - when you know somebody better than they do and you would do anything in the world to protect them? I know that's what love is because that is what I am feeling right now. For you. And what you're feeling right now…for her."

Steve couldn't argue because she was right. Catherine was pouring her heart out to him, but he didn't know what to say to make any of this better. He smiled sadly, almost wistfully and reached for her. His hand came up, stroked gently across her cheek, across her lips, through her hair. Catherine closed her eyes, savored the feel of his rough fingers against her skin. He always knew just exactly how to give her goosebumps.

He pressed a tender kiss to her forehead, his lips lingering against her skin as though trying to memorize the feel. And then it was over.

"I'm sorry, Cat."

The dark haired beauty smiled through her tears as his hand fell away, and then he was gone. She opened her eyes long enough to see him disappear into Harper's hospital room. And when the door closed behind him, Lieutenant Catherine Rollins could almost hear the door slam shut on that chapter of her life.