Chapter 25: Cry of Desperation
Hello friends, yes it has been a while. I just couldn't figure out how I wanted this chapter to play out… but now you're left with this. Hope it was worth the wait. I'm so excited to post it for y'all! Probably one of my favorites…
Oh, and for those of you who reviewed last chapter- you rock. Even without a promise of a preview you guys rocked that review button. Sincere thanks : )
READ THIS A/N! ….
So, remember that time when Rosalie showed up at Emmett's door the night he, Alice, and Bella went out to the bars. Rose told him that night everything that happened with Royce (rape, beatings, her daughter). Yes, well, if not, please re-read the first half of chapter 22.
This chapter is taking off from that night. Sorry if you're not into RPOV. I think it's needed. Everything will come full circle though, lovelies. Don't you worry.
Twilightzoner… beta / validater extraordinaire. Thank you!
SM still gets all the rights.
Okay, enough of my rambling. Drum roll, please…
RPOV
I pleaded and insisted that I stayed in a hotel. I could almost feel the plush, comfortable mattress supporting my small frame, and I could physically taste the silky chocolate that they placed so delicately on your pillows. However, reality came in the forms of sharp springs as I twisted and turned on Emmett's worn couch. He begged me to stay here- begged, bargained, shamelessly took my wallet, keys, and phone, so I was forced to stay. At first, I thought it was sweet. Now that I could smell Alice's puke, however, I was sure that this was some form of punishment.
Nonetheless, I stepped over a sleeping Emmett, who was sprawled out on the ground, and lifted myself up, the pads of my manicured feet nosily making their way over to a very sick Alice.
"Rose, go back…" Hello, projectile vomit. "…to bed." She looked at the swamp colored acid mix that was now spewed all over the wall and raced to the bathroom before she had a repeat performance. I followed her quickly and used my hands to hold back the stray hairs that threatened to get mixed into the mess. She collapsed over the toilet and her stomach attacked again.
I reached over the sink and grabbed the hand towel, wetting it before placing it on her forehead. "You don't have to do this, Rosalie," she said weakly.
I stroked her black hair and remained quiet. I didn't bother mentioning that even though everyone else thought I was a bitch, I took care of the ones I loved, and I loved her brother, so, therefore, she was included in the small circle of protection I had built up over the years.
"How does some water sound?" I asked. She nodded her small head in response.
Alice looked like a small child, curled up around the porcelain bowl. I held the cool glass up to her lips and instructed her to take small bits at a time. She obliged cooperatively with closed, heavy eyes. After about another half hour of sitting with her, I helped her to her feet and led her to the couch. I took the kitchen garbage can, replaced it with a fresh bag, and placed it next to her incase her body tried to dislodge the alcohol again. She was asleep within minutes.
I continued to clean up the mess in the hall and the places where she missed the bowl in the bathroom. I wiped the entire areas down with bleach and started the washer with the spoiled towels. It was breaking dawn by the time I had finished, and I checked on Alice again before I took up residence on the neighboring arm chair.
I really didn't intend on falling asleep, but when I awoke, the apartment was left vacant. The sun was blinding, shining through his larger than average windows. Larger than average- that saying applied to many things Emmett… his frame, his heart, his…ahem.
I rubbed my smudged eyes, wondering again how much it was a miracle that he had accepted me last night. He heard everything, and I wasn't exactly vague in my descriptions, and yet, he still wanted me. He held on for dear life when I first tried to leave, his large hands probably leaving imprints in my skin.
He wanted me to tell my family, he thought that would be what would be best for me, but I shook my head. "Please, don't make me do it," I pleaded, tears of fear flowing freely.
He told me he wouldn't force me into anything, and I literally collapsed in relief. We didn't talk much after that, and I wondered where conversation would lead us today. I cleaned myself up in his bathroom, using his shower to wash the filth of the memories from my skin. I still felt physically ill when I thought about what happened in my past. The bruises had long faded but the scars were daily reminders. I had stretch marks from Annalisa, a faint mark above my eyebrow from banging my head after one of the random friends threw me off of him after he had finished, and other random scars across my body from that dreaded time.
How pathetic, I thought. And poor Emmett. He would always be subjected to these imperfections on my body- outward evidence of the ugliness that had become me.
"Rosalie?" The bathroom door creaked open and Emmett's strong voice filtered in.
"Yeah, I'm in here."
"I'm going to make some coffee, would you like some?"
"That sounds great, thanks," I said from behind the cover of the curtain. I finished my shower and dressed in Emmett's bedroom before I met him in the kitchen.
"Hi," I said quietly, propping myself up on a stool. "Where were you this morning?"
He smiled and placed a steaming, blue mug on the counter before me. "I took the girls back. They were both pretty messed up this morning, I figured they would like to sleep it off in their own beds.
"Thank you, by the way," he added, looking at me through his long lashes from his leaning stance against the opposite counter. "Alice told me all about her late night activities. I really appreciate you taking care of my family, and then cleaning up on top of that."
I smiled. "You don't need to thank me for a thing, really."
He put his mug down and strode to where I was sitting, turning me around so he could stand between my knees. He gently took my face into his hands and pushed the fallen hair back.
"Yes, I do." He kissed me then, pressing his lips firmly against mine.
"You are magnificent, Rosalie. Absolutely magnificent."
*-*x*-*
"So," Emmett began, "what would you like to do today?"
We had just finished washing the dishes from breakfast this morning. It had been a week since I'd gotten here, and staying with Emmett had been amazing.
He worked during the day, while I stayed in his apartment, having brought work from back home. He was an architect, designing beautiful buildings for cities across the country. I did freelance editing work for a publishing house in Seattle. I loved the flexibility of my career.
"Why don't we stay in," I suggested.
"Rosalie, you haven't left this apartment in a week. It's beautiful outside! Let's go out and get some fresh air. Can I tempt you with all the great touristy spots of New York?"
I laughed, wrapping my arms around him. "You tempted me with all the touristy spots last time I flew out here to visit."
"Oh, there are plenty touristy thing-a-ma-dads we haven't gotten to yet. You're going to have to move here to be able to get through all of them!"
"Sounds tempting."
He kissed the top of my head. "That is does. However, no heavy topics today. Just fun, ridiculous, Emmettfied fun."
"I'm up for being Emmettfied," I said seductively.
"Nuh, uh, baby. Later, later. Now, we're getting you out of this apartment." He led me out of the kitchen by my shoulders. "Go get dressed," he said, slapping my ass as I walked away.
I turned around, feigning shock and grabbing my behind. "You're going to pay for that!"
He laughed. "Good. I'll be looking for some rosy-punishment. Get it? Rosy punishment, as in you're Rosy."
"Yeah, yeah, I got it without the explanation, baby."
"Always so smart," he sighed.
An hour later we were both showered, dressed, and ready to leave.
"Aren't you going to be cold?" I asked him, taking in his simple attire of jeans, tshirt, and jogging jacket.
"Nah, I'm used to it. The cold doesn't really bother me."
I just shook my head. I, on the other hand, wrapped myself tightly in dark jeans, high boots, a sweater, scarf, peacoat, and gloves. "It is November out there, babe. A cold, very cold, November."
He laughed. "Yeah, yeah. I'm not worried."
"Okayyyy," I said, unbelieving. "You ready, big man?"
"Yes, little lady."
I grabbed my purse and walked out as he locked the place up. We walked hand in hand down the hallway and out of the building.
"So where are we going?" I asked as we stepped outside.
"Places."
"How elusive."
He looked down at me, a smile so big that I had to smile in return. "I'm going to spoil you rotten today, Ms. Rosalie."
"Is that so? I don't deserve to be spoiled."
"Blah, blah, bullshit," he said as he pulled my hand and began walking down the sidewalk.
"Well, do I at least get to be clued in on this little adventure."
"No-sir-re-bob, little thing."
"Okay, okay, big man. Do you're magic then," I surrendered, smiling.
"Magic? Can I use my big magic stick?"
I laughed, a deep belly laugh. "I suggested that earlier! You turned me down for touristy shenanigans."
"Ugh," he grunted. "I guess you're right. Well, I'll work my romantic, awesome, charming magic now, and then we can have the big magic boom-boom tonight."
"Big magic boom-boom?"
"Yeah, baby- me, you, boom-boom in my room-room," he chanted, shaking his hips.
"With the magic stick," I added.
"Oh, he will be there."
"Wouldn't want to have him miss out on any of the fun, now would we?"
"He's always up for the party, baby."
"Haha – up. Get it? Up for the party," I said laughing.
"Yes, and I got it without the explanation."
I laughed again. "I think I'm turning into you, Mr. Brandon."
"Or just falling for me."
"Falling hard."
He leaned down to kiss me. "It's a good thing I got big arms to catch you."
"Look at you being all charming," I cooed, nudging his arm.
"Charming is one of my specialties, baby girl."
"Yeah, as long as I'm the only one being subjected to your charming ways."
"The one and only."
*-*x*-*
"Ice cream… in November?" I asked incredulously.
"Ice cream doesn't have a time limit, sweet cheeks. Its tasty goodness deserves to be enjoyed year round." He opened up the door to the ice cream shop on the corner and the little bells alerted the teenage Justin Bieber look-a-like to our presence.
Emmett, such a child trapped into large body. A large body that had pressed itself to the viewing glass, leaving nose prints on the frosted plates.
"Honey, someone has to wash those glasses, you know. Try not to get your snot everywhere."
"Oh, Rosie, Rosie, Rosie. You really got to get a good view of the cream, babe. This is a big decision that a lot of factors go into."
"What kind of factors, exactly?"
"Well, first," he said, point to the glass. "Come closer, cheese-nip, and take a look."
I leaned down with him. Yes, I was well aware how ridiculous must have seen to teen-bob over there.
"What exactly am I looking for?"
"You see the little ice bits? That means it's not going to be as good, so even though it might be your favorite flavor, you wouldn't get as much enjoyment out of it, then you would be left disappointed. We wouldn't want that, now would we?"
I laughed and shook my head. "Guess not."
"And you see that there?" He pointed to the chocolate mixture. "That chocolate bunch has some mint mixed in, from when they didn't wash the scoopers out all the way. Now, I know that my Rosie bear doesn't like mint, so I would be one unhappy camper if you got mint in with your chocolate."
"You are a sweet one," I said, nudging him a little.
"Just incredibly thorough," he replied, looking at me through his long lashes.
"Yes, that you are," I agreed.
"So, uh, you guys see anything you want, yet?" J-Biebs asked, interrupting our stare down by the frozen treats.
"I'll take birthday cake with sprinkles, gummy bears, and oreos," Emmett said loudly.
"Size?"
"Extra large," he responded smugly with an added smirk.
I laughed and looped my arm with his as we stood.
"And for you?"
"I will have…"
"This is a big decision, Rosie," Emmett whispered in my ear.
"…Strawberry."
"Okay, then."
"No, wait, I'm not done." He turned and looked at me impatiently.
"Strawberry ice cream, with white chocolate chips, chocolate syrup, and whip cream… extra large, with a cherry on top, please."
"That's my girl," Emmett said proudly, draping his arm over my shoulder.
"Gotta go all out if you're going to do it," I replied.
"Is that your life motto?" he asked me.
I laughed, "I don't think that really clarifies as a life motto, but sure, why not? Gotta go all out." I laughed again. "I kinda like it," I said, smiling up at him.
"I like it, too, baby."
*-*x*-*
"So, you're planning on spoiling me rotten with a new wardrobe?" I asked as we threw away our finished ice cream and walked into a boutique across the street.
He laughed and held the door open for me. "Not exactly… but, I know you only flew out here with a few things. So… I thought we could get you some new stuff, you know, so you don't run out of clean underwear or anything."
"Is this your big plan to get me to stay in New York longer?"
"Is it working?" He looked at me shyly, unsure of himself.
I smiled and took his hand, leading him deeper into the store. "The fact that you're willingly subjecting yourself to shopping with me is enough to get me to stay a little bit longer."
"Well, you know," his smile was back, "a key condition to this grand plan is that you have to try on everything for my personal viewing pleasure."
"Okay, big man. You can look… you just cant touch," I said, winking.
He groaned. "That's the sweetest kind of torture, ladybug."
"Now, you can have a seat right here," I instructed, leading him towards a big couch that was in the middle of the store. "I have some shopping to do!"
*-*x*-*
"Where are you going?" I pouted, lifting my heavy head from the pillow. Emmett had just slipped his t-shirt over his strong torso.
"I have to take Bella and Alice to the airport. They're flying out to Seattle today."
I sighed, laying my head back on the comfort of packed feathers and blocked out the unwanted uneasiness that statement had just caused me.
Another week had past since I have first arrived, and a week since the grand ice-cream, shopping adventure, that was delightedly followed by a redbox movie and couch sex. Life with Emmett here was just so… simple. Uncomplicated. Easy. Liberating. I was no longer deadpanned with haunting memories day in and day out.
But like all good things, it couldn't last forever.
"I'll be back, okay. Do you want me to pick up breakfast on my way back?"
"No, I'll cook something eventually."
He laughed and kissed my forehead. "I'll stop at McDonalds."
I smiled and drifted back to sleep.
When I awoke an hour later, I climbed into the shower, trying again to push back unwanted thoughts of my family. Did I miss them? Of course. Did I deserve to see them? Absolutely not. Not after all this time, not after the things I did. I was a disgrace, a bad seed, unworthy.
I stepped out after the water had run cold and got dressed, blowing out my hair and applying my usual makeup. Afterwards, I packed it all.
I removed my clothes from the dryer, folding mine before stuffing it in my suitcase and hanging up what was Emmett's. All of my shoes, my new clothes, my accessories, they all went into the bag.
It was time.
I heard the door to the apartment open, and I left the bedroom before Emmett had the chance to come in.
"Hey, babe," he called out, carrying a large bag of McDonalds, true to his word.
"Hi." I lifted myself on my toes to give him a kiss.
"Mmmm," he hummed, putting the bag down on the counter and wrapping his arms around my waist. "You always smell so good, Rosie."
"And you," I said, kissing his neck, "smell like sausage Mcmuffins." He laughed and released me, opening the bag, the smells being released filling through the small kitchen.
"I already had some in the car, but I'm already hungry again so I got more for me, just in case."
"What did you get me?" I asked, peaking over the bag.
He handed me some small container with blue and red smeared liquid and yogurt resemblance thing inside it.
"And that is what, exactly?"
"I don't know. Don't girls like this shit?"
I raised my eyebrow at him and took the bag, seeing what else was inside.
"Now, this is more like it," I said, pulling out a chicken biscuit.
"Hey!" he objected.
"Hay is for horses, baby; good greasy food is for me. Thanks!" I kissed him on the cheek before taking my biscuit to the table.
"Women," he grumbled behind me. I giggled and took a bite, it was delicious.
I didn't notice that he had left the kitchen until he walked back in, incredibly somber.
"What?" I asked, mouth full of chicken.
"When were you planning on telling me you were leaving?"
Oh. That.
"Maybe you should sit down." I swallowed the remainder of the food.
"No, Rosalie, I don't want to sit down."
"Emmett, please, it's not what you think," I tried to reason.
"Then what is it?" he asked, getting heated.
"Nuh, uh, no way," I said, shaking my head. "I am not going to allow this to escalate into something it's not," I relayed with strength. "Now, please, sit down and let me talk before you self combust."
"I'll stand."
Ugh, men. "Fine." I also stood. "Thanksgiving is in a few days," I began.
"Yeah? And?"
"Emmett… I haven't missed one holiday with my daughter."
Things clicked in that stubborn head of his.
"When are you leaving? Gosh, Rose, I wish you would have told me you weren't going to be here! I would have gone with Alice," he whined, rubbing his forehead with the back of his hand.
"I was actually hoping you would come with me," I said nervously, playing with my hands.
He was quiet for a moment, not really looking at me.
"Is that such a good idea?" he finally asked after a long stretch of silence.
I was taken aback. "Why wouldn't it be a good idea?" I asked defensively.
"She's your daughter, Rose. You really want to bring me into that picture?"
I felt like I had been slapped across the face. This was his form of rejection. "What are you trying to say, Emmett? Do you not want to be brought into the picture?"
"That's a big step, Rosalie. I just… I don't know. I'm not really dad material; I'm not ready for all of that."
"I'm not asking you to be her father."
"Then why even meet her?"
Shocked. Yes, I was shocked. I'm pretty sure I stood there with my mouth agape for at least a minute before pulling myself together. Not ready for that? I was taking a huge leap of faith, bringing him further into my life, after months of being together, practically living together for these past two weeks, after everything. I knew, I knew, he didn't really want me. Why even meet her? Was he joking?
Because Annalisa was a part of me. He didn't truly want me if he didn't even want to at least meet her. How could I have been so stupid? So delusional?
I walked right passed him, ignoring him as he called my name. I lifted up my purse and my bag, walking out of the apartment door with strength.
"Rose, don't go. Come on, let's talk about this."
I turned around, anger blocking out any potential tears. "I came to you, I told you about my past and about my demons. You said you accepted me, that you understood. You said you still wanted me. You are a dirty liar," I spat and turned around, walking out and away from just another man who didn't get it.
The cab was surprisingly easy to get, waiting at the airport, however, was a nightmare. It was packed with seas of people. I dished out a shit load of money to get a ticket to California this last minute, and I still had to wait six hours before the flight left.
Six hours. Have you ever sat still for six hours? Especially while fuming, six hours in an airport was torture. I was teetering on a cliff of full-on impending rage and just as equally emerging red- -blotchy-swollen-face-snot-running-everywhere-loud-empalling-wails crying.
Rage won.
I paced, I paced that floor like it had never been paced before. My shoes' lining were being worn thin from my continuous pacing. It was the whole crossed-arms-over-chest-head-down-muttering-incoherent-words-to-myself pacing.
People looked at me as if I were crazy. Mad crazy. Crazy to the point of insanity, crazy.
But crazy came with my rage.
Rage. Oh, yes, I was raging.
I think I even stomped my foot and yelled "Rage, Rage, Rage!" at one point.
Yup, definitely crazy.
"Ma'am," a security guard approached me. "Ma'am, I'm going to need you to come with us." I looked around, and sure enough, about five different guards had come within my vicinity while all the other civilians had been removed.
Come on, people! I'm not actually crazy!
"I'm not crazy!" I told them. Brilliant, Rose. Just brilliant. "I mean…I'm just upset, okay!" Oh no… here they came… they were going to come sooner or later.
Blessed waterworks.
It was a mess. I literally collapsed in the poor security guy's arms, uttering more disjointed thoughts. I'm pretty sure things emerged from my mouth like, "biscuit…then bam!...doesn't want…not ready…let me…asshole!"
Okay, maybe a little crazy.
An hour later, three hours into my waiting period at this point, I found myself in the security guard area. I refused to call it a jail, but it sure felt like it. I had calmed down sufficiently, and I was just waiting to talk to someone so I could be released.
"Ms. Cullen?" a woman asked, looking around the small room. I sighed, rising from the chair.
"Yes, that's me."
"Ms. Cullen, you are free to go. Your background checks came back okay, but please, ma'am, control your behavior. This is an airport, and with recent events this past decade, we do not need people acting out like you did today. Do you understand?"
I felt like I was being reprimanded by my mother. "Yes, ma'am."
"Very well, then. Here are your belongings." She passed me back my purse. "Have a safe trip."
Well that was a mess. At least it killed some time. I made my way back to my gate and sat as far away from the other passengers as possible. I was exhausted. My emotions were wiped thin, and I could feel the heaviness set in.
I allowed my eyes to shut, leaning my head against the back of the chair. I was just so…very…tired.
"Uh, miss? Miss, wake up."
I jolted awake, straining my neck in the process. I looked up to find an older man standing above me.
"Miss, the plane was called."
"Uh, thanks," I mumbled, grabbing my purse that I had earlier wrapped around my leg, and made my way to the gate.
The seats on the plane were large and almost comfortable. I settled myself in for the cross country flight and begged sleep to reclaim me. It didn't.
I sat there, for hours as the large aircraft brought me back to the west coast, unable to keep my mind from harassing me with thoughts of my life. I had never felt so lonely. People surrounded me, loaded into this vicinity, but I felt invisible.
I felt weak. Over these past few months I had put so much of my energy and commitment into Emmett. I used him as an escape. He made me feel things, good things. I saw my life in a new light when I was with him. But once again, like all men in my life had, he disappointed me. He let me down. He… didn't want me.
I tried to convince myself that all men in this world weren't totally fuckups. My brother, for example.
Oh, Edward. God, how I missed him. I missed Jasper, too. I have felt like those two have just put up with me, dealt with me, over the years because they felt obligated. I hated being their burden.
I also thought about my parents. I really did miss them. I've been ignoring their calls, unsure of why I didn't just change my number. I think secretly, I always believed I would answer one day. But I didn't need to become their burden too. I'm not sure why they haven't come looking for me. I bet Edward had let them in on some stuff. I didn't know. I usually just blocked it all out as best as I could, trying not to allow myself to think about it.
But right now, I was bombarded.
The flight eventually ended, and it was incredibly late when I landed. California was beautiful, and I was happy to be back. It had been a while since I had visited Mark, Kelly, and Annalisa. I retrieved my bag and caught a cab, taking me to a hotel close to their house.
I was in a daze for the whole ride and check in process. I didn't bother changing or showering once I got my room. I merely threw myself onto the bed, literally begging my body for sleep.
It finally complied.
*-*x*-*
Thanksgiving was in two days, and I was happy with the amount of time I was given to spend with Annalisa. She had gotten so big! And she was so smart. I was so proud of my little first grader.
"Auntie Rosie, can we go to the park?" We were all sitting in the family room of their house, Annalisa on my lap.
"You have to ask your mommy," I replied. Was it hard to hear her call Kelly mommy? Yeah, but I didn't deserve that title. It was better that Annalisa didn't know the whole truth. She was too clean for that, too pure.
"Of course," Kelly complied. "Rosalie, you can take my car," she said, smiling. "Dinner will be at six, so just make sure you're back by then."
"Yay!" Annalisa cheered.
Her blonde hair bounced in its curls as she ran to the parked car in the driveway. We made our way to the park, listening to the Jonas Brothers and Hannah Montana on the drive there.
I loved it. I was so happy with her. She made my life so complete. But at the same time, it was so painful.
"Swings!" Annalisa ran across the playground at a full sprint. "Auntie Rosie, come push me!"
So I pushed, she flew, we laughed, and it felt… normal. Childhood could be so simple. I missed simplicity. We played together for a while at the park. She loved the jungle gym and I was more than content to just sit and watch her. I was so happy that such good could have been brought out of such evil. And I was sure of that…she was good. The only good I have to show for.
The rest of the night went by way to quickly. I was able to read Annalisa a few stories before bed, and tucked her in nice and tight. I checked for monsters under the bed and in the closet, and I made sure her princess nightlight was turned on and working properly. I kissed her on the forehead before saying goodnight, she told me that she loved me, and I told her that I loved her more than any other person in the world.
It was the truest thing I had said all day.
We all have to sacrifice for the ones we love the most. I loved her the most and I sacrificed her for it. She was too important to bring into my life of hell. I could have never been able to give her a bed to sleep in, or even take her to the park, six years ago. I was so broken, so traumatized and damaged. Mark and Kelly were just what she needed. They were good. They fit. They deserved her.
The next day went off in a similar fashion. Annalisa was on holiday from school, so the four of us went out for the day and just spent time together. I really felt a part of their family.
But my thoughts couldn't escape Emmett. With each passing moment with Annalisa, I grew more and more angry with him. How could he not want to meet her? This perfect joy, this being who I made, who I love? I was hurt. I was angry. Even though I thought having another raging fit like I did in the airport wouldn't be the best around my girl. So I hid my anger, instead focusing on laughing when Anna told a joke, or splashed in the puddles along the sidewalk from the rain last night. I talked with Kelly about her schooling and her friends.
"Ice cream!" Annalisa yelled, taking me away from my own anger bubble of undependable men.
"It's too cold, honey," Mark said, continuing to walk right past the shop.
"It's never too cold for ice cream!" Annalisa fought.
Well, this sounds familiar.
"Oh come on," Kelly aided for Annalisa. "We'll eat inside so we won't get too cold," she said, wrapping her arms around Mark.
He caved.
Annalisa ran up to the display, pushing her nose up against the glass. "Auntie Rose, what are you getting?" she asked me.
I came down and pushed my nose right up beside hers. "I don't know!" I said playfully. "We have to give the ice cream a really good inspection before we decided."
"We do?" she asked.
"Oh yeah," I began. "We wouldn't want you to have frosted bits in your ice cream, or to have it mixed with another flavor when the workers didn't wash the scoop out good enough."
She smiled up at me. "You're so smart, Auntie Rosie."
I kissed her head. "I've just done this before, that's all."
"Well, I want chocolate. Does this chocolate look okay?"
"It looks great to me. I think I'll get chocolate, too."
*-*x*-*
Bedtime was the same as last night. Stories, monster checking, nightlight switching, and 'I love you' exchanging.
I descended the stairs quietly, not wanting to awake the sleeping beauty and found Kelly sitting at the kitchen table with a glass of wine.
"Mind if I join you?" I asked her, removing a wine glass from the cupboard.
She smiled. "I was actually hoping you would."
I took a sip from the crisp wine and sighed delightedly, having a seat across from Kelly at the table.
"Thank you for letting me stay here with you guys, I love being here," I began.
"Oh, Rose, you know you're a part of this family. You are welcome here anytime. You know that."
I smiled, nodding.
"So are you going to tell me what's bothering you?" she finally asked.
"What do you mean?"
"Rose, you might think that no one knows what you're thinking, feeling, but I see right through you."
I looked up, matching her stare, lips unmoving.
She shrugged. "I'm not going to force anything out of you, love. Just know that you are welcome to share. I would love to listen… and possibly help, if you would let me."
I sighed in surrender. "I really, really hate people," I whispered.
She laughed.
"Well, men more specifically," I continued.
"Who's the newest bastard?"
"Ugh," I groaned. "So there was this guy… a really sweet, charming, loving, caring, sweet guy. And Kelly, I fell hard. I thought he was so perfect. He was so forgiving about everything, so welcoming. But then he just… failed. He let me down. He really, really hurt me."
"Honey, we're always going to be hurt by the people we love. That's a part of being in love with someone. They're going to let you down, loving them is what allows you to forgive."
"I don't know if I can forgive him, if I even want to forgive him."
"Well, Rose, you just sat here telling me that he was forgiving of you, when you didn't think you felt worthy of forgiveness."
"That's not the same," I tried to reason. "It was about Annalisa. He doesn't want to meet her, Kelly. He doesn't want to be a part of her life. Which really means," my voice got louder, "that he doesn't want to be a part of my life!"
"That's not what that means, honey."
I think my stare of death had her retreat a bit. "Just here me out… Did you find out why he didn't want to meet her?"
"He said some bullshit about not wanting to be brought into that picture, that he's not dad material. I'm sorry, but I never asked him to be her father!"
She sat there for a minute.
"Rosie, why wouldn't he think he would be good dad material? Do you maybe think that he's scared, that he doesn't think he's good enough? Do you know the relationship he has with his parents?"
"Uh… not good, I think."
"There you go, babe. We all have our demons. I think you just found his."
"I'm confused. Are kids or his parents his demons?"
"Being a dad for a man is one of the scariest thoughts they have. They know they are responsible for another life, being the supporter, the provider. It's a huge deal, and they know this. And if he doesn't have a good relationship with his dad, I'm sure he's scarred in that area. Honey, he knows how important Annalisa is to you. If I were him, I wouldn't want to mess that up either."
"But Kelly, I wasn't asking him for all of that."
"Weren't you? On some degree, at least?"
I thought about it for a minute. What did I expect of him? To come here, meet her, fall in love with her? Maybe?
"I want him to love her because I love her," I admitted.
"Do you love him?"
"Yes."
"Then forgive him, explain this to him, and help him, Rose. We all need help in confronting our fears," she said, her tone trailing off, insinuating.
"What are you insinuating?" I asked, semi defensively.
"You haven't overcome all your demons yet either, honey."
I sat quietly.
"Oh, lose the death glare!" she chided. Apparently, I wasn't too keen on hiding my immediate emotions.
"I'm doing great in my life! I have a job, I see my brother a lot, and I don't think focus on the many negatives in my life anymore. I'm doing well, Kell."
"When was the last time you talked to your parents?"
"Okay, that's not fair!"
"Care to explain?"
"My parents… they aren't my demons, they just… I just don't want to burden them, that's all. They don't need to know everything."
"Okay, Rose, let me ask you something. If Annalisa did something to disappoint you, which she will, would you love her less?"
"Don't go there, that's not the same."
"How is it not the same? There is something so concrete about a parent's love for their child. You are their child, like Anna is yours."
"She didn't do what I did."
"But if she had?"
"Please stop."
"You need to go to them, Rosalie. Nothing you could do could stop them from loving you, and the only burden you're putting on them is staying away."
I remained quiet.
"Just think about it." She rose from her chair, kissed me on the head, and left me to my thoughts.
*-*x*-*
The next morning, I awoke to Annalisa crawling in bed with me.
"Happy Thanksgiving, Auntie Rosie," she said, curling up beside me. "I'm thankful for you."
I hugged her tighter. "I'm thankful for you, too, honey. So very thankful."
"Are you going to come downstairs and play with me?"
I laughed. "Absolutely."
"Can we play with my new dolls."
"Anything you want."
"Okay, good!" she kissed me and scampered out of my bed and down the hall. I sighed, lifting myself from the bed and checking my phone.
One new message.
"Happy Thanksgiving, Rose. I miss you." –Edward.
I put the phone down, unable to text him back at that moment. I finished waking up, showered and got ready, and made my way downstairs. Everyone else was up. Mark was in the kitchen cooking and Kelly was watching Sports Center. I really did love this family.
I got a cup of coffee and sat down on the couch next to Kelly. Annalisa was playing with her dolls on the floor by our feet.
"How did you sleep?" Kelly asked.
I took a sip of my delicious caffeine. "Tossed and turned a lot."
"I'm sorry," she said sadly.
I smiled. "Don't be, really."
"I dreamt about you last night."
I laughed, "No you didn't."
"Oh, yes, I did. Do you want to know what it was about? It was so weird."
"Sure," I coincided.
"Okay, so it started off that you, some guy, and two other girls were in this room and you were all cartoonized like the Simpsons characters."
"Oh, God."
"It gets better… So you were so excited, you were pacing back and fourth across the room eating a cookie, and somewhere along the line you all became humans again, but you were pacing, saying how good these cookies were because they were the flatter, hard, kind you like, anyhow… you were pacing, and you were so happy because you and this guy just got engaged. But then you had three bits of the last cookie in your hand after you took a huge bite of it, and you gave it to the two girls, but before you ate it you took one of the pieces back and you gave it to your new fiancé. You told him, mouth still full of cookie, that you would always have enough for him. He was so blown away by this statement and kissed you like his life depended on it. Then I woke up."
"Huh," was my only response. "I don't even like The Simpsons."
She laughed. "Yeah, it was weird."
"That is weird. What do you think it means?"
"Ha, I have no clue."
"Hmm. Random."
"Agreed."
The morning was kind of somber, which was disappointed considering that it was Thanksgiving. I could couldn't get what Kelly said last night out of my head. I felt so far away from the three of them, even though we were in the same room.
About an hour later, Kelly came back into the living room, handing me an envelope.
"What's this?" I asked.
"Don't feel like I'm pressuring you into using this… you don't have to if you don't want to. But I know that look, and I know you. It's time, Rose."
She walked out of the room again and I opened the envelope.
She was right, it was time.
*-*x*-*
"Now boarding Flight 261 to Seattle." The overhead speaker came on and I lifted my purse and headed to the gate. I handed them the ticket that Kelly had bought for me and walked onto the plane.
"We will be here when you get back," she said before I left. "We will always be your family."
I allowed silent tears to stream my cheeks during the short flight. I was finally calling out, going home, facing this. And I was scared shitless.
It was my own cry of desperation.
*-*x*-* *-*x*-*
A/N:
Wow, okay. What a chapter, huh? Is that what you expected? I know that it's kind of out of story line with EandB but this story is about Family Ties (hint hint) and overcoming demons. (If you haven't caught on to that main theme, yet)
Thank you for those of you reading this. I can't believe you guys are on this journey with me, it's unreal. I love investing myself into the characters, and y'alls feedback is so encouraging and absolutely delightful.
FTGH has a forum now! Special thanks to Longing for Edward for creating the forum on Twilighted. It's so fun… and addicting. I've been posting mini teasers for this chapter, and if a chapter is taking longer than usual to post, I will continue to do that. So go over, check it out, play with us.
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Okay, friends. You are awesome. Please review! Promised teaser next time for reviewers : )