A Novel Idea

July 6, 2016

Lynn Sr.: [cheerfully] C'mon, girls, it's time for Take Your Daughter To Work Day!

All his daughters stampede down the stairs.

Girls: Yay!

Lincoln strolls by elegantly, wearing a lavish girly outfit.

Lincoln: As another one of your daughters, I too cannot wait for this day.

Lynn Sr. traps Lincoln with his hand as Lincoln is about to exit the doorway.

Lynn Sr.: Hold it right there.

Lincoln: What's wrong, Daddy?

Lynn Sr.: Nice try, Lincoln, but it's Take Your Daughter To Work Day.

Luke: [comes out eating an apple] I told you that wasn't gonna work.

Lincoln: [gives a deadpan look to Luke before taking off his wig, disappointed.] Come on, Dad. Every year, they get to go with you to work and have an awesome time, and Luke and I get stuck at home.

Luke: I don't mind. More time for perfecting my Overwatch strategy. [takes a bite of his apple]

Lynn Sr.: Sorry, pal. Besides, my office isn't that awesome.

Luna: [eagerly excited] Hurry, Pops! We don't wanna miss the donut cannon!

Lynn Sr.: [just as excited] I'll bring you boys back a jelly-filled! [heads to the car]

The girls cheer and the van heads off for the office.

Rita: [comes out] You know, it's not fair that you guys should have to miss out on Take Your Daughter To Work Day.

Lincoln: Really? [puts wig back on and applies lipstick.]

Rita: Yep. So I'm officially making today Take Your Son To Work Day. You're coming with me.

Lincoln: Wait. To the dentist's office? I don't know, Mom.

Luke: Yeah. What's there to do at that place but sit around bored the whole time?

Rita: Hey, come on. I know it's not as exciting as Dad's office, but I think you boys can make anything fun.

Lincoln: Well, I guess that's true. Okay. I'm in. What about you, Luke?

Luke: Depends, will I get to have one of those lollipops?

Rita: I suppose.

Luke: Okay. I'm in!

Lincoln: Then let's go! [goes off in his lavish girly disguise.]

Luke clears his throat, narrowing to what Lincoln's wearing. Lincoln comes to a screeching halt, as does the music.

Lincoln: Oh… right. After I go change. [goes to change]

The dentist's office...

Some patients have some really bad dental work. Dr. Feinstein's patient Tara comes out after having a really bad tooth taken out.

Dr. Feinstein: Okay, Tara, the pain will go away in a few days. In the meantime, here's a lollipop. [gives Tara a lollipop and turns to his assistant, Lincoln's mother.] Good morning, Rita.

Rita: Good morning, Dr. Feinstein. You remember my boys, Lincoln and Luke?

Dr. Feinstein: Sure I do. Let's see how those permanent teeth are coming in. Open. [pulls Lincoln's nose and opens his mouth; sees some plaque building up.] Mm-hm. Have you been flossing?

Lincoln: Uh-huh. Every night.

Dr. Feinstein: [disbelieving] Sure you have. [turns to Luke] Alright, let's have a look at you, too.

Luke: [nervously] Er... that's okay. I'm good.

Dr. Feinstein: [shrugs] Whatever floats your boat. [goes back into his office.]

Lincoln: What was that about?

Luke: Sorry. Dentists kinda creep me out a bit.

A vacant office...

Rita: Okay, boys, while I'm working, you can hang out in here and read comics. [hands Lincoln and Luke some dental comics.]

Lincoln looks excited and then disappointed.

Lincoln: "Teddy Toothbrush VS the Evil Ninjavitis?"

Luke: Are all of these dental related comics?

Rita: Mm-hmm. My favorite issue is number four: Fastest Gums In The West. [imitates whip motion and noise.]

Lincoln: Can't we hang out with you while you work?

[Enter Dr. Feinstein]

Dr. Feinstein: Rita, I have an abscess that needs to be drained. Bring a bucket.

Lincoln: [gags a little] Actually, I'm good here.

Luke: [just as disgusted as Lincoln] Ditto.

Rita is writing something.

Rita: Be right there, doctor. [leaves]

Lincoln: Okay, I can make this fun. What do you say, Luke, you in?

Luke: [shrugs] Sure, I'm in.

The Blue Danube Waltz by Johann Strauss II plays as Lincoln lifts himself up in a patient's chair, pretending to be an astronaut in space while Luke is sitting on a stool next to him.

Lincoln: This is Captain Loud to Ground Control. [makes radio hiss sound] I can see Uranus from here, and boy, is it gassy.

Luke: [also makes a radio hiss sound] Copy that, Loud. Uranus sure is gassy from what we're looking at.

Lincoln: Indeed. This is one small step for man, one giant leap for- [notices something] Lana?!

It turns out his father's office is across the street from the dentist's office. Lana and Lynn are spinning around in office chairs and laughing. Luna has the donut cannon and is firing donuts everywhere.

Luna: YEAH!

Luke: [noticing this as well] Dad's office is across the street?

Lincoln: No fair! I can't compete with that! [slams his fist on the adjustments and the chair starts folding back on him.] Houston, we have a problem! [tries pushing more buttons only to get further crushed.] MAYDAY! MAYDAY!

Just then, the chair starts to unfold to Lincoln's surprise and he looks over to see that Luke pressed the button that undos itself.

Lincoln: [relieved] Whew. Thanks, Luke.

Luke: No problem.

The supply room...

Rita: Let me show you one of the other neat things we've got here. [opens up a cabinet] We call it Dr. Feinstein's Cabinet Of Fun.

Lincoln: [disappointed] Oh. Dental supplies.

Luke: [also disappointed] Whoopee.

[Enter Dr. Feinstein]

Dr. Feinstein: Rita, we have a couple of teens with their braces stuck together.

Rita: Be right there, doctor. [writes something down and leaves.]

Lincoln: Okay, what have we got here? Dental floss, surgical masks, gloves...I think I can work with this. You ready, Luke?

Luke: I guess so.

The room is now set up like a jewel heist with the floss acting as a laser security system.

Lincoln: Langley, this is Agent Loud. I've got eyes on the president's tooth. Security's tight, but tell POTUS I'm bringing that molar home.

Luke: We've got to be careful here, these lasers are deadly painful. One wrong move and we're toast.

Lincoln: Get a hold of yourself, rookie, I know what I'm doing. [sneaks past the floss lasers and grabs the novelty tooth.] Just another routine job for Agent- [sees the girls] OH, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

The girls and their father are all having a suction cup dart fight. Luna goes in for a side shot. Leni has hers pointed at herself and Lisa changes it so that she's firing correctly. Lynn Sr. sneaks past the crossfire.

Lynn Sr.: HA! YOU MISSED ME!

Luke: [sees this as well] Is that even allowed?

Lincoln trips over the floss and the supplies from the cabinet of fun fall on top of him.

Lincoln: Dang it.

The break room...

Rita: [walks the boys over to a fish tank.] The fun isn't over yet! Let me introduce you to our office mascot.

Lincoln: Whoa. What is it? A piranha? A barracuda? A Great White?

A guppy swims by, thus disappointing Lincoln further.

Luke: Nope. It's a guppy. Though I wish it was a barracuda.

Rita: Heh. We call him Fisher.

[Enter Dr. Feinstein]

Dr. Feinstein: Rita, I need you. [with hands covered in caramel] We've got a caramel apple emergency.

Rita: [writes something down] I'll be back, guys. Do me a favor and feed Fisher. [hands Lincoln fish food]

Lincoln: You got it. [pretends to be an Australian wildlife explorer with a faux accent.] Crikey! It's a rare Patagonian dental fish.

Luke: Why are you talking in an Australian accent?

Lincoln: To make things a little more thrilling.

Luke: Uh, I'm not seeing the thrill here.

Lincoln: Would you just give it a shot. Please?

Luke: [sighs and joins in also with an ausralian faux accent] You are most right. These babies are known to be fierce predators. You'd better be extra careful feeding them or it's bye-bye, pinky.

Lincoln: Steady now. [adds in fish food but drops too much.] Whoops! That's a few too many shrimps on the barbie for this little guy. [tries to get it out.] Fisher!

Fisher slips out of the tank and through a trunk. Lincoln and Luke look for him and Fisher flails into Lincoln's pants. Lincoln shakes Fisher out and the guppy flies off the wall and back into the tank which Luke seals up.

Lincoln: I guess it's Loud brothers: one, little fishy, zip- [sees something in his father's office.] -line?!

Lucy and Leni are zipping on a zipline over the cubicles while the co-workers are annoyed by their antics.

Lucy: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Luke: [sees this as well] A zipline?! Are you serious?

Lincoln: [sighs] Why do I even try? This place will never be as fun as Dad's.

Luke: Hey, come on now. Maybe there's something else we could do to entertain ourselves with.

Lincoln: I don't know... [turns to see the arcade next door to his father's office.] Maybe an arcade could! Hey, Luke, come check this out!

Luke: What is it? [sees the arcade] Oh, no way! Is that an arcade?!

Lincoln: You know it, my friend.

[Enter Rita]

Rita: We're gonna be another half hour or so, you guys. There was more caramel than we thought. [gets her glove stuck to the way on her hand gesture.] Think you can keep yourselves amused?

Lincoln: [excited] Can we?! [feigning no amusement] I mean, I'm sure we can think of something.

Rita: Oh, and would you mind watching my notebook? I don't want the pages to get stuck together. [gives it to Lincoln]

Lincoln: [faux Australian accent] No worries, mate! We won't let it out of my sight... [Rita pats his head and leaves; normal voice.] ...while I spend the next 30 minutes blasting zombies to smithereens.

Fisher blows bubbles in disagreement to Lincoln's ploy.

Lincoln: Oh, hush, Fisher. She'll never even know we're gone. Alright, Luke, let's go!

Luke: [just as excited] Right behind ya! [realizes and stops] Wait a second, no, we can't leave! Mom's gonna be mad if she finds out we ran off somewhere.

Lincoln: Oh, come on, Luke, think about it. Do you want to sit here with Fisher, or come blast some zombies at me. [slyly] It's your choice.

Luke looks a bit nervous as he looks back at Fisher, then at Lincoln. Half an hour later, the two boys are at the arcade playing video games.

Luke: This was your best idea ever!

Lincoln: Now this is what I call fun! [his watch beeps] Uh-oh! Come on, Luke, we gotta go! [he and Luke head out and gets back to the dentist's office just in time.]

Rita: Hey, boys. How's it going?

Lincoln: Great. Just been hanging here with our good bud Fisher. [Fisher blows more bubbles knowing the boy's lying.] Shut it!

Rita: Bad news. Dr. Feinstein sat on a numbing needle and he can't feel anything from the waist down. Can you keep watching my notebook?

Lincoln: [frantic] NOTEBOOK?!

[Flashback to the boys leaving the arcade.]

Lincoln: Uh-oh! Come on, Luke, we gotta go!

[The notebook was left back at the arcade. End flashback.]

Lincoln: [worried and trying to keep cool.] Uh...yep. We're on it. So...you got a lot of important work stuff in there?

Rita: Can you keep a secret? It's not for work at all. I've been writing a novel!

Lincoln & Luke: [surprised] Really?

Rita: I'm hoping this book could lead to an exciting new career for me.

Luke: [nervously] Oh, you mean that book?

Lincoln: [chuckles nervously] And that was your only copy, huh? I mean, is your only copy. It's not like something happened to it.

Rita: Yep. Seven years of hard work between those two covers. [Lincoln and Luke gulp nervously] Hey, thanks for being such good sports today. How about after work, we go to the arcade next to Dad's office?

Lincoln and Luke give a thumbs up and there's a knock at the door. Rita opens it and sees Dr. Feinstein rolling on a chair with his arms thanks to the numbing needle he sat on.

Dr. Feinstein: Uh, Rita? I need you to carry me to my 4:00.

Luke: [growls in anger] Dang it, Lincoln! I can't believe I listened to you! Now Mom's book could be in severe danger!

Lincoln: Settle down, Luke. I messed up, okay? But we're gonna get that book back!

Luke: We? Do I have to be involved in this?

Lincoln: Yes you do.

Luke: [deadpan] And, I don't have a choice, do I?

Lincoln: Nope.

Luke: [pauses for a second then sighs] Fine. Let's go get that book back.

Lincoln: Sweet! Let's go!

Fisher makes a side glance to the viewers. Lincoln and Luke go back to the arcade to get the notebook, but it is too late.

Luke: [gasps] It's gone!

Lincoln: [notices something] Huh?

The janitor has picked up the book and dumped it in the bin. Lincoln and Luke scream and try to catch it, but the janitor takes it to the garbage truck and the truck drives off with the novel.

Lincoln: No! Wait! [chases after the truck but is too slow]

Luke: Great. Now what?

Lincoln: [notices a roller skate stand.] Convenient. [he and Luke skate after the truck and leap over obstacles.] Gah! Gross! Gah!

A trash bag bumps off the truck and covers the two boys in garbage. Just then, Lincoln notices a horse and carriage. They use the horse and ride it like a water skier while holding onto the bridle.

Lincoln: YEE-HAW!

Luke: THIS IS CRAZY!

They catch up to the garbage truck driver.

Lincoln: Excuse me! Please stop! Pull over!

Garbageman: Oh, you wanna race? [puts on shades] Let's ride. [accelerates away]

Lincoln: What? No! Get back here!

Luke: After him, boy! Ya! [whips the horse to go faster; the two boys scream at the increase of velocity and misses the turnoff from the truck.]

Lincoln: Whoa, horsey!

The horse stops and they crash. Thankfully, the novel fell off the truck and a horn sounds.

Lincoln & Luke: Huh?

A street sweeper approaches and catches the book in its brushes. The book flies off and lands on a hot dog cart where it's used as a bun. The vendor gives the customer his order while the latter puts ketchup and relish on it and takes a bite, disliking the papery taste and tosses it.

Lincoln: [catches it] I got it!

Some kid inconveniently twists open a hydrant and blasts the two boys with a jet of water. The book flies off into a construction zone and lands on a girder which rises up.

Lincoln: No no no no no! [puts on a hardhat and uses the lift.] Luke, come on!

Luke scurries onto the lift and Lincoln puts a hardhat on him, too. As they go up, the book alternates between rising girders and ends on the top floor. They get there and the two boys look down, with Lincoln losing his cool. But on the other hand, Luke looks a bit terrified. Lincoln looks at him and notices this.

Lincoln: You okay?

Luke: [scared] I-I'm fine. Just g-go get the book.

Lincoln: You sure you don't wanna do it?

Luke: Nope, nope! I'm good here! It's all you, buddy!

Lincoln: What is wrong with you?

Luke: JUST GO GET THE DANG BOOK ALREADY!

Lincoln: [flinches] Okay, geez!

Lincoln inches towards it, but it falls and the girder rises, sending him in danger as he screams for his life.

Luke: NO! [is about to run but looks down and gets scared again] Oh, is it supposed to be that high?

The girder is swinging right by Lynn Sr.'s office window while Lola and Lana are in another suction cup dart fight. Lincoln's cries for help catch Lana's ears.

Lana: Did you just hear Lincoln?

Lola: Lana, focus! We've got Dad's cube mate trapped in the coffee room! SAY YOUR PRAYERS, MARGIE!

The twins scream and attack Margie.

Margie: I hate Take Your Daughter To Work Day.

Lincoln makes it back onto the scaffolding safely.

Luke: You alright, dude?

Lincoln: Yeah. Just gotta find- [notices the book is now about to be encased in cement] The book!

The two boys get down quickly via a pulley and bucket and Lincoln rushes, dives, and grabs it.

Lincoln: [triumphant] YES!

Luke: [sighs] We did it.

At that moment, Lincoln realizes the cement has just poured right where he's standing. Back at the office, Rita is waiting for them. They finally arrive panting from their experience.

Rita: Where have you two been? And, Lincoln, what is on your feet?

The cement dried and has sealed Lincoln's feet.

Luke: It's a long story.

Lincoln: But the important thing is we got your notebook.

The notebook is completely damaged and instantly disintegrates.

Rita: [gasps] What happened?

Lincoln: [sighs and gives her a lollipop.] Better take a lollipop.

And so, Lincoln and Luke explain everything that happened to the book and how they tried to get it back to Rita.

Lincoln: ...So I jumped into the cement pit and grabbed the notebook, but I guess it was too late.

Rita: [sternly] Lincoln, you lied to me! You snuck out and you ruined all my hard work! And Luke, I expected better that you would do something like this as well!

Luke: [sighs] I know.

Lincoln: We're really, really sorry, Mom. I-

Rita: [calmly] But you guys actually might have done me a favor.

Lincoln & Luke: [dumbfounded] W-we did what now?

Rita: Well, I was originally writing about a bored dental assistant who talks to her pet fish. [Fisher knows she's referring to him.] But honestly, it wasn't going anywhere. But you've just given me a better idea: I'm gonna write about two fearless thrill seekers with white and brown hair.

Luke: Really? Who would that be?

Rita: You guys of course.

Lincoln: Wow. That's awesome. [They hug] We're sorry about putting you through all this. It was really nice of you to bring us here in the first place.

Luke: Yeah. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

Rita: That's okay, boys. Now, come on. Let's go home. I can't wait to start writing.

As they're about to leave, they forgot something.

Lincoln: Uh, Mom?

Lincoln's feet are still encased in cement.

Rita: Oh, right, sorry. [gets a drill, turns it on, and gives Lincoln a lollipop.] Better take a lollipop. This might pinch a bit.

Luke: Give me one too while you're at it.

Rita gives Luke a lollipop too and he shoots a fist in the air in silence while begins drilling as Lincoln cringes. Sometime later, Lincoln's feet are free and he, Luke, and Rita begin heading home.

Rita: [taking notes] So, tell me again how you chased down that garbage truck.

Luke: Well... it was kinda like-

Lincoln: [inspired] Actually, I have a better idea.

Lynn Sr. and the girls return home after a super fun Take Your Daughter To Work Day.

Lynn Sr.: Ha ha! Another successful Take Your Daughter To Work Day, eh, girls?

The girls cheer in agreement.

Lola: Margie is so much fun, Dad! What does "leave of absence" mean?

Lynn Sr.: Hm...I wonder where your mother and the boys are.

Lori: Aw. I feel bad for them. I bet they literally had the boringest day ever.

Lori is about to eat her words because Rita, Luke, and Lincoln come riding down the street reenacting the boys' thrill seeking adventure skating with the horse.

Lincoln, Luke, and Rita: [laughing] YEE-HAW!

The two boys wave to their father and sisters as they all look with their jaws hanging.

Mr. Grouse: Nice horse, Loud!