At Fault

From The-Goddamn-Iron-Girl

(Luka's POV)

"Luka Kaja Bondevik, you have to listen to us!" Mathias practically shouts. I snort.

"Announce my middle name to the world, why don't you?"

"What is wrong with you, Luka? Emil asks.

"Everything, ok? Now leave me alone."

"Nej. We are going to slap it into you, if that's what it takes to convince you that this isn't your fault, Luka!"

"Not my fault? Mathias, you're being an idiot. I got six people killed. The five of us, and the first one to die by this weapon. I'm the reason we've all been having nightmares for twenty years. The only difference is, I deserve them. You don't."

"Luka!" he cries. "Don't say that!"

"I will say all I want, Mathias," I respond coolly. I stand up and leave. "Now leave me alone. I don't deserve you four."

I heard Emil call out something in Norwegian.

"Norge...tilgi deg selv." Norge, forgive yourself.

"Nei," I say. "Not this time."

I find my way to the library, but even in there someone (England) tries to lie to me and tell me that it's not my fault. So I climb up onto the roof. I watch Romania, Prussia, and America walk off into the forest.
Good luck to them, I hope they find something. Anything, really. But they should help the star-crossed lovers, the idiot, and Lillebror before they help me.

(SURPRISE! POV change! Mathias' POV!)

I watch Luka leave, and didn't do anything more to change her mind. What a brother I am.

Actually, she's stubborn as all get-out, but hides it damn well. Also a bit of a perfectionist. But she shouldn't be blaming herself for this. I kick the air and flop down on the couch.

Surprise of all surprises...Kai walks in and sits down on the other couch, across from me. We exchange a glare.

I've never really gotten along with Kai. I used to be kind of an ** when I was younger, and she's never forgiven me.

"H'w's L'ka?" Kai asks calmly. Damn everyone except Tino and their poker faces.

"She blames herself," I say, cautiously picking my words. "For all of this."

Kai's face twitches in an emotion I can't pinpoint.

"D'y'u kn'w wh' sh' th'nks th's 's h'r f'lt?"

I'm about to answer, then I pause. What will I answer with? Even I- even EMIL doesn't know the depths of the mysterious creature we know as Luka Bondevik. There are about a thousand reasons behind each action she takes, each would be more fascinating than the last if she cared to explain them. She's not three-dimensional- she's forty-two dimensional.

"Th't's wh't I th'ght. H'w c'n ya c'nv'nce h'r 't's n't h'r f'lt 'f ya d'n't kn'w wh' sh' th'nks s'?"

It takes me a second to translate Kai's...whatever it is. I swear, that should become its own language. But then I realize, she's right. How can I help Luka if I don't know why she needs to be helped? When I think about it that way, the answer is clear. I can't.