I returned to Octavia's tent after there was no one left outside but the silent night guards. While I had been waiting for everyone else to settle in for the evening, I had the sense to memorize the guard rotations and I knew just when and where we could escape without bringing any unwanted attention. Afterwards I would need to warn Bellamy of the little chink in his otherwise perfect chain of protection. As much as I liked the idea of keeping our excursions secret, I couldn't let the camp go with what could become a grave oversight.
My own internal worries nor the dark forest succeeded in phasing Octavia as she practically bounced up and down the whole way, jiggling the flashlight without a care. As I had hoped, my little green flowers had done their duty in lighting the path back to Lincoln. It was a long shot to to have trusted that the markers I had left would glow in the night, but I was grateful I had been right. They only stood out slightly from the other forestry as I had stuck them to the tree bark in as natural a way as I could manage. I didn't dwell on all the things that could have gone wrong with my flawed plan. Otherwise we never would have found the small hole in the ground.
It was awkward at first and I made a point to stay back and give the strange couple their space. If it had been anyone else I don't think I would have understood it, but Octavia was entirely capable of producing the confusing yet unwavering emotion towards this man she barely knew. She, like myself, had the privilege, or curse depending on your outlook, of experiencing everything with an urgency and threat of a broken past. Luckily, the two were so caught up in their own awkward and blundering reunion that my strange presence was mostly overlooked. To be honest, my mind was still back in the warmth of the campfires and Bellamy's quiet words.
Lincoln finally seemed to warm up to me, or tolerate me at the very least, and Octavia was eager to break the lingering aversions of our somewhat rocky past. You know, almost dying and all. I had taken a small and tattered chair in one of the darker corners and busied myself with sifting through the old books and trinkets of the cave while Octavia began to look over Lincoln's many injuries. Despite Octavia's efforts, it didn't look like Lincoln and I would be hugging and making friends anytime soon and I caught him glancing my way more often than I would have liked.
While I made a point to ignore the offhanded stares, I found a soft toy stuffed with what must have been cotton. With the long ears and fluffy tail, I could only guess that it was a rabbit. In the stories I read, rabbits were usually spastic creatures with an insatiable hunger for carrots. This creature was so fat and fluffy I doubted it had hopped a day in its life. It's silky fur was only slightly yellow with dirt and it was missing an eye, but I decided that I liked it that way.
"That's so weird. Alice has marks in almost the exact same places." Octavia was only thinking out loud as she held Lincoln's injured hand, but it was enough to bring his inquiring glare back to me. I looked down to my own hand where the slightly misshapen red mark was beginning to fade.
I could have lied, there was no way they would guess the whole truth. But for some reason, I revealed one of my darkest secrets to a girl that lived under the floor for most of her life and a man that had all intentions of killing me just days before, "Back in the ship I saw everything. I felt everything. Somehow I could see through your eyes but I also felt it." I held back a shudder as I remembered the feel of metal slicing through my hand and electricity frying every nerve in my body, "What they did to you. I would have stopped them if I could have. You have to believe me. If I could have taken all of it away I would have."
"That's just the thing. I think you did. I could have easily died that night. I've experienced my share of torture much worse than that, but I am only one man. I was able to stay conscious so long because I could feel something taking away the pain. I didn't understand it at the time, but it must have been you." The craziness of it all seemed lost on Lincoln. He spoke as if he believed it and even I had to admit that some kind of connection had been made that night.
"So we can add pain absorption and an all seeing eye to the list of awesomeness?" Octavia was completely oblivious to my own unease and continued, "Does it hurt now?"
I kept my eyes cast down towards the rabbit and nodded no. My stomach still suffered the occasional ache, but there was no way of knowing if it was from the arrow wound or Lincoln's beatings. Despite their quick acceptance of my confession, I couldn't quite bring myself to discuss this side of me so blatantly. The idea that I had invaded something so private in such a moment of crisis did not sit well with my conscious.
"Look you guys. We're all alive despite the circumstances and that's enough for me. Everything else... Well we can take it one step at a time. Together." Octavia responded to the rather glum atmosphere with determination and I was inspired to mirror her everlasting optimism.
"You're right. And I think we should start by getting a few answers. You know everything about us, but I don't know anything about you." I squeezed the soft fur for support and looked unwavering to Lincoln.
"Alice. Do you really think now is.." Octavia began with a sigh but Lincoln cut her off with a reach for her hand.
I was tired of all of the mysteries and it seemed like the perfect time to get some explanations while Lincoln couldn't run away and didn't seem to have the strength to argue. It was harsh but I had set my mind.
"Before I speak, I have to know that this stays between us. It wouldn't end well for any of us if your brother got a hold of this information." Lincoln couldn't hide the resentment in his voice at the mention of Bellamy but he looked to Octavia with complete trust.
"Of course." Octavia reassured him as I nodded in agreement. It went without saying that the very different worlds of our Grounder friend and the camp would not do well together.
"You call us all Grounders. Mine are the Tree People. There are many more where your attackers come from and even more beyond my own people. When the world burned many years ago we survived and we have only grown since then, but things are not like what they once were. Your arrival has caused an uproar."
Although the proof of others sat right before us, it was hard to imagine the many others which Lincoln claimed existed within and beyond the forest. How could such a feat go unnoticed by the Arc? However, it was painstakingly true that things must have changed after the nuclear wars. My own limited knowledge of the world prior to the disasters was enough to affirm the differences. Lincoln dressed in clothes of the earliest peoples and the Tree People did not seem to possess any kinds of advanced technology such as that on the Arc.
"I was sent along with several others to watch you and it wasn't long before word of the magical girl who could move things with her mind had spread."
At that, Octavia looked to me and Lincoln affirmed his claim, "Slaying beasts and bursting rocks into dust. Even the night light plants bent to your will. The prophecies couldn't be more clear. You are Serafen and we were ordered to kill you."
"But you didn't. You saved me." The awkwardness of the attempted assassination had finally begun to wear off and I didn't hesitate to encourage him further.
"I did what I was ordered and I watched you. I saw you save Octavia and her brother. I saw you give salvation to the banished boy and I knew you weren't forsaken. If I had acted sooner, none of this would have happened." At that he gestured to his own injuries.
"You did something and that's all that mattered." I made sure to hold his eyes in mine as I settled the matter for good.
"All three arrows were meant to pierce your heart. That poisoned arrow would have killed anyone else within minutes but you are Serafen. After I disobeyed orders I couldn't let the shooter return to the others. They couldn't know what happened. So I chased him down and killed him."
There was a silence where nothing suitable could be said. I couldn't exactly thank him for killing someone else. Lincoln seemed to have no qualms about it however. Where I did not see him as a cold hearted killer, I had to assume that his victim was someone he did not see as worth saving. That isn't to say that he deserved to die.
"When I returned you were gone. It didn't take long to find you drugged and incoherent in the forest, however. I took you to the hidden cave until I could find the antidote and that's when Octavia came and nearly got herself killed."
Octavia's face held a mixture of amusement and annoyance, as if she had already heard this part.
"I will admit that I could have handled that better. But I was slightly distracted with the army of trackers looking for Alice. It was easier to lock you up than try and explain. After all, would you have even listened to me?" As absurd as it sounded, I could completely understand his reasoning, "And once I had finally returned with the cure, well you know what happened then."
"Once Bellamy had him in the ship he knew that his only leverage was with the antidote. Because you weren't dead already, he had hoped that the poison wouldn't do much more damage. He was also stupid enough to believe that we could convince Bellamy to let him go. That's why he held out. But once he realized that you really might die he gave us the cure." Octavia chimed in to finish the explanation with a quick ramble and another question was answered.
"My intention was never to bring you such harm. I explained as much to Octavia when she visited me. But you never knew the whole story. You saved me anyway and for that I will be forever in your debt." Lincoln managed to look even more serious than usual and I gave an awkward nod in response.
"Great, now that that's settled. I think it's time that you got some rest. Alice brought some of Clarke's supplies but it's not nearly enough. We'll have to bring some more the next time we come." Octavia reached to pack away the assorted bandage wrappers but Lincoln grabbed her hand.
"Don't go now." And with the husky plead for company, I knew when it was time for me to leave the cave.
"Well I've got enough answers for now. I'm going to go make sure we weren't followed. And then I think I'll make a leaf fort or something." I rose and set the bunny down neatly on its shelf. Octavia only looked away long enough to give me a small smile. I had never seen the girl so quiet.
I slipped out of the cave with a shiver and smile. So I wasn't so clueless after all.
The dark of the night greeted me and I realized just how sleep deprived I was. It was a strange feeling after living a life of constant restlessness. My eyes were dry and heavy and my body felt light. I loved it.
I walked a few feet away from the entrance before I happened upon a rather deformed tree. The trunk and limbs grew in such a way that provided a perfect place to rest with large branches that sprouted several smaller branches sticking straight up. Through trial by error, I found the correct steps to take in order to climb several feet into the air where the small hammock of branches curved out from the tree. After several falls and a sore butt, I was entwined through the growth in such a way that I could not roll off. The branches facing upward served as bars to both hold onto and lock me into place.
As per usual, I had much to think about. We were outnumbered in a big way by the Grounders. The Arc was coming down soon and even I had the sense to know that the Council wouldn't mesh well with the Earth and all its archaic glory. I realized that I hadn't thought to ask if I was still being hunted on orders to kill but the more I thought about, the more I didn't really want to know the answer. The thought of running away didn't even have its normal appeal with the knowledge that Grounders more than likely waited wherever I went. And then there was Peter and the InBetween and all its frustrating mystery that never ceased to follow close behind my every thought. I was beginning to feel that the most important answers were going to be found in those crazy green eyes. But because I was only a teenager, and a dysfunctional one at that, my mind always ended in the same place. A kiss.
Despite Bellamy being oblivious to a significant part of my life, we had shared something that felt much more real to me than any past memories on the Arc or present worries in the forest. As much as I tried to ignore it, I couldn't suppress the need to confide everything with him. The only thing more frustrating was my delusional belief that he would actually have the answers to everything. And so it happened that in my twisted mind, the fantasy of the guardian with all of the answers manifested in Bellamy. There was a time that it had been Laura, but that had long passed. As much as I hated to admit my dependency on others, there was no denying my need for something more than I had ever had. Something that had always been missing.
So as I looked for the disappearing stars through the thick foliage of the tree, I could almost fool myself into believing the impossible. It didn't seem too completely unlikely that Octavia, Lincoln, Bellamy and I could find refuge away from the dangers of Grounders and the Council alike. I would imagine that it wouldn't be long before Lincoln was accused of his betrayal and I was almost certain the Grounders wouldn't take him back. After he was healed he would be the perfect guide in finding somewhere safe for the four of us. But there were too many flaws in that plan to count. Most importantly, Bellamy had just recently nearly killed Lincoln. And then there was the daunting reality that Bellamy was now pardoned. He no longer needed to leave and it would be unfair to take Octavia away from her first chance at a normal life. And if that wasn't enough, my presence alone would be more dangerous than ever with the price on my head from both the ground and sky.
So once again, I was back to square one. Despite Bellamy's protests, I still couldn't see myself staying for more than a few more days. I would help Octavia with Lincoln until he was better and then I would leave. That's what I told myself.
Before I could become too lost in my own thoughts, the sound of Octavia emerging from the darkness brought me back. We would need to get back to the camp well before sunrise and it was good that she had been paying attention because I might have stayed high in my perch thinking for the rest of eternity. At the whispered calls of my name, I responded by dropping back down to the ground. Fortunately, I was skilled enough by that time to actually land on my feet.
Octavia quickly spotted my descent and joined me with a shy smile. Octavia was never shy. "Are you ready?"
"Am I ready? Are you sure you can even walk straight with that dazed look of yours?" I smiled and almost forgot the life and death dilemmas that had just plagued my mind.
"Shut up and get us back to camp." Octavia's smile only widened.
We reached camp quickly and in relative silence with no one the wiser. As I settled into one of the reclined ship seats and the sounds of morning began to permeate through the forest, I could finally close my eyes and sleep.
I use the word sleep rather lightly as the camp began to wake not long after. I refused to open my eyes however, as people shuffled past me and began to start their day. With my legs curled in and my shoulder resting sideways against the back of the seat, I traveled between sleep and awake. It was only when the morning fires were lit that I was forced to accept that sleep was no longer a real possibility.
I was horrified to find that the smells invading my nose were sending a rumble through my stomach and causing a pressure to form in the bottom of my throat. And then my stomach growled. Or more accurately, snarled. And so I experienced food hunger for the first time in my life. And I absolutely hated it.
My head felt a little fuzzy, whether it was from sleep deprivation or my new found hunger was debatable. One thing was certain however, if I didn't get food within the next ten minutes, I was taking the entire forest down. I stretched my legs out and rose to head over to the breakfast table that I had never before had the need to visit. I stuffed my hands in my pockets to keep from fidgeting and approached the assortment of berries and other fruits. I silently cursed myself for not paying more attention to others while they ate. How much was too much? What tasted best?
As if in response to my blundering about, my stomach once again rumbled and I felt my face heat bright red. While I battled whether I should look around to see who might have heard, Finn approached my right side. I looked to find him smiling a mischievous grin and seriously contemplated punching it right off his face. Before I could even begin to think of a retort, he had approached the table and picked up one of the hand crafted bark plates. He plucked the fruits up with an unprecedented confidence that matched everything else he did, "The red ones are sweet. The black ones have a tang to them but they're good for filling you up. Don't eat the blue ones. Just trust me on that one and don't."
My mouth was slightly ajar as he handed the full plate to me and waited for a response. This was his not so subtle way of telling me that he noticed my lack of a diet and minuscule knowledge of food. I must not have been as smooth with the nuts as I thought. I wasn't sure how strange it might have seemed to anyone else, but Finn took it in strides, "Thanks. I'll remember that."
Despite my thanks, Finn still waited. I realized he expected me to eat them in front of him. I picked a small red one and popped it into my mouth. And it was Heaven. Finn must have picked up on my bliss because his smile only widened. I proceeded to eat the entire plate in less than a minute and my fingers were soon stained with black and red juice. So I liked food. I really, really liked food.
Only after I had licked my fingers dry did I notice the flash of wonder in Finn's eyes. He was trying to figure me out. I cleared my throat and shoved the plate back into his hands, "Thanks again. I better find Clarke."
It was harsh but it worked. The mention of Clarke was enough to distract Finn from his scrutiny of my oddities and I was gone before he could recuperate. It didn't take long to find Clarke who was tending to an unfortunate boy who had managed to step on a four inch thorn.
"I saw you got your own much needed rest earlier. You must be feeling better." Clarke barely looked up from her work. It seemed that her own "much needed rest" had only had a temporary, if not completely nonexistent, effect.
"I am." And I was. I continued to mill about the camp for the rest of the day, keeping up with my resolution to contribute. It was strange to find that falling back into the menial tasks of the camp was already familiar. Occasionally I would talk with Monty or Jasper and every once and a while Clarke would stop me to check on my injuries. Finn and Raven were missing in action and Octavia had opted to sleep in and prepare for another "night of Lincoln" as she called it.
By the end of the day, I was ready to visit the secret watering hole and sink into the deep abyss of the dark water. But it wasn't to be. Octavia would most definitely be returning to Lincoln and we had already agreed to meet at the same time and place as before. As luck would have it, Bellamy had spent much of his day inside his tent, modifying and perfecting camp security measures and he now took his own turn among the night shift. We would not be able to escape the camp in the same manner as before. That's why I was currently sitting atop the now empty breakfast table, flicking specks of leftover berries off and onto the ground and watching the guards' every move.
Through very careful inspection and a good amount of snooping, I was confident that I could get us out unseen and unheard. It would only take a bit of manipulating on my part. But shortly before the time came for most of the camp to turn in, in customary Finn fashion, I was joined atop the table by the very man himself.
"You did a lot today." Finn mirrored my own cross legged position and took the liberty of clearing the space between us.
"If you say so." I was still very occupied with the guard rotations and as charming as Finn might have believed himself to be, his appeal could only get him so far.
"It would be a shame if you didn't get your proper rest tonight. Tomorrow is Unity Day after all." And with another hint that he was just as nosy and inquisitive as he was alluring, Finn left me to wonder just how much he really knew.