Axell awoke with a startle before the rest of the Company, much to her surprise. Though, the longer she lie still awake, the less she seemed to mind.
She slowly took in her surroundings. The smell of ash and soot drifted up her nose with a slight sting as the remnants of smoke danced into the air. Remaining hot colds held a flicker of golden read heat signalling the dying remains of the flames. Looking up, the sky signaled oncoming dawn with a dark, dusty blue beginning to provide light. Surrounding treetops floated in different directions as the wind gently brushed through them, the faint morning breeze kissing her bare cheeks and tickling the freckled skin. Grass tickled her neck, both the greenery and her hair covered in a faint amount of dew. The cool temperature scratched at her bare forearms as she removed them from the warm, soft jackets that had not been there when she had fallen asleep.
Her back throbbed violently, but not enough to completely disable her movements. Carefully angling her body, she attempted to sit. To her relief, most of her things had been placed within reaching distance. Probably not for her benefit, but she would take what she could get. Strapping her bag back to her thigh and grabbing the few weapons that weren't still tucked in the armour that she had struggled to readjust and strap down.
With a silent groan, Axell lurched forward to a standing position, her hair flinging about her head before settling. It wasn't until she took a few wobbling steps forward that she heard the voice ring through the calm air.
"Where are you going?" It was the Company's resident, frighteningly silent hobbit.
Axell abruptly halted, eyes rolling upward in disappointment. Bilbo being as smart as he was, knew exactly where she was going. Though, that's not what bothered her - what bothered her was the painfully obvious fact that Bilbo was never put on night watch alone. Which meant that there would be someone else who outmatched her in the condition she was currently in.
She hoped that it at least wasn't someone like Thorin of Dwalin.
Since when has she ever gotten what she wanted.
Dwalin stomped from seemingly nowhere, stomping between her and and the forest. Axell watched him with cold eyes, tracking his movements as he slowed to a deliberate stop with a cross of his arms and a tilt of his chin.
"I believe our Master Burglar asked you a question," Dwalin grumbled, raising an eyebrow in challenge.
Axell defiantly remained silent with an eyebrow raise of her own, tilting her head to match his in a testament to her stubborn nature. Dwalin's expression turned sour quickly, and she dropped hers to a smug smile and dark eyes that said she got exactly what she wanted.
However stubborn Axell may be, she was a dwarf, and Dwalin knew that dwarves by nature hate being told what they are thinking.
"You ain't going anywhere," Dwalin made a grab for her shoulder to which she smacked his hand out of her direction while dodging it.
"Like hell I ain't," her voice raised, "since when did you have say over where I went."
With a sharp movement that caused Axell to hiss under breath, straining her face in pain once she managed to get past Dwalin. Her feet gained momentum, still stumbling but steadier than before in the anger she was using to move forward.
"Well there ain't exactly anywhere to go, so where are you headed off to?" Dwalin followed her at half the pace she was moving, believing that her actions were a bluff.
Though, he quickly came to the conclusion that she wasn't even playing the same cards he was.
"Anywhere but here," the small clearing came to an end as she shoved through the underbrush and hollered over her shoulder.
Gawking at the woman, Dwalin turned back to the hobbit.
"Stay here Bilbo, I've got my hands full of stupidity." With that he hustled after, quickly hearing her rushed steps.
She knew that she could only stay out of his reach in order to avoid him at this point. But just like any other typical dwarf, she couldn't resist the opportunity to serve out unrelenting comments.
"Well, stupid is as stupid does," Brown hair flung over her shoulder as she turned to walk backwards upon hearing him get closer.
"Getting smart, are we?" Dwalin slowed as they made eye contact, seeing the desperation in her eyes.
"Smart enough to leave, yeah, absolutely." Swinging back around, she continued pushing forward through the forest.
"Really?" Dwalin smacked a low-hanging branch, "you think that wise? Surely as an assassin you would know better than that."
"I do know better, you think my self-preservation instincts are telling me to get the hell out of dodge for no reason." Axell called in a cool manner over her shoulder.
"Of course, there's the real answer! You're looking out for no one but yourself!" Dwalin matched her pace, not gaining on her and not losing her, a finger coming up to point at her as he leaned forward into his accusation.
"Well, glad to hear you've made up your mind about what I'm doing and why," she swung around with a fake bow before turning and continuing to walk, "hope you don't mind if I see myself out."
Dwalin halted in both shock and anger as she continued on without sign of letting up.
"Oh no you don't, get back here." He stomped faster, closing some distance.
"Why the hell does it matter to you where I go?" She turned at him with a yell of frustration. "Just leave me alone Dwalin."
"I couldn't give a damn, too bad the line of Durin does." Dwalin's volume matched her own.
"Since when have Fili and Kili made a difference on any of the decisions, thought it was up to Thorin - who by the way, would be overjoyed to hear that I've gone wandering off in the forest alone. He'd very vocally make a proclamation of just how good of a decision he thought the idea to be." Axell ducked through the brush, hoping to lose him the thicker the plant life got.
She knew that her only survival happened to be alongside the Company, however, she had to face her fears if she continued on with them. And she refused to face those.
Damn, did she feel like a coward.
"I'd follow Thorin into battle anytime, however, his nephews are my family too and I don't want to listen to them and their crap over the next few weeks." Dwalin's voice sounded off stubbornly behind her and she shook her head at his inability to give up.
"Thorin would shut them up after a couple of hours," Axell snapped at him, hating that he was using what he considered to be one of her weaknesses against her.
"And what if, unlike Thorin, I can get over myself and don't want him to have to shut them up?" Dwalin hollered at her, his voice reaching a point of both an anger that stunned Axell and an emotion that Axell could not describe by tone alone.
But it was said with such an intensity that it stopped Axell in her tracks, which brought Dwalin to a stop himself. He waited in silence for a moment, watching her as she digested the question that sounded more like a statement.
"What if, I could learn to forgive and forget?"
Dwalin took a few slow and quiet steps forward, and she turned to see his movements but refused to face him. She couldn't identify her emotions, all of them running rampant at once, drowning her in a conflict of feelings that she hadn't been overtaken by before.
Axell normally could control her feelings. Every last one of them. Could bottle them up and sending them flying out the nearest door or store them away for later. She would occasionally let one or two genuine emotions go. But only to serve as a reminder for herself, or to serve as a tool used to manipulate those around her.
But this, this was overwhelming.
"What would you think about that?" Dwalin could have stretched out and taken hold of her now, resolutely letting her know that the conversation was over.
But he wanted her to stew for a moment, wanted to let her genuinely acknowledge something. And sometimes, the best moment to do that is when there is a brief second of silence with nobody else around.
But he also wasn't about to let her take off into the distance either.
With a gentle clasp over her upper arm, his hand wound around her in a way that left no room for argument. Not that she was about to.
"Come on," Dwalin muttered calmly, unsure why he had calmed so quickly despite everything his mind said to him, "let's take care of you."
He came to the conclusion that maybe she had wormed her way into his heart long before everything transpired.
The two traveled on in silence as Axell's mind caught up with Dwalin.
"Why?" It was a vague question, and if it had been any of the other dwarves they wouldn't have understood.
Somehow she knew that Dwalin knew exactly what she meant.
"You'll understand," the answer gave no insight nor sense but seemed to appease the woman for the time being, "in no time soon, but you'll understand."
Once Dwalin dragged Axell back without a word from her, they both returned to both annoyed and relieved dwarves. Most of them awake, a handful of them going about tasks, but others just waiting.
And much to Axell's luck, Thorin was one of them.
"A shame it is to believe that an assassin of Thranduil couldn't manage her own against one dwarf," his voice was bitter and his eyes were as cold as ice.
Axell sighed in defeat and pulled against Dwalin's hold, trying to turn back toward the treeline, to which Dwalin pulled back and gripped both of her arms as he moved her in front of him.
"What are you doing awake?" Dwalin asked bitterly, giving Thorin a glare and shoving Axell down next to Oin, "I believe it's your turn."
"You left Bilbo here alone to chase after the murderess," Thorin spat in Axell's direction, who just locked herself away in her own mind, "his frantic pacing and muttering woke some of us."
Thorin looked the woman up and down before looking to Dwalin, "you should have just left her to die."
"If you hadn't been told, you'd have never known and you would have gone after her just as well. For once, I agree with the wizard." Dwalin grumbled and proceeded to stalk off to relieve himself.
Stunned into silence, Thorin's blue eyes widened before he turned to give the girl an icy glare. A glare she hadn't even noticed. She looked smaller than he ever remembered her being, and now, he could finally see how much of a dwarf she was; she radiated a stubborn, determined boldness that matched the healer tending her wounds, her ankles were crossed but her knees were drawn up to her chest and she had her elbows propped up on them to help Oin hold up the back of her shirt, he could see in the way her shoulders rotated that she had the unbreakable bone structure of a dwarf, and her hair carried the dark and wild character that came with most dwarves.
And Thorin almost forgot that he had gotten caught up in every other feature that was not a dwarf to notice that she was one them. He too stubbornly held onto the sharp, defined features of her face. Holding on to fact that her waist is slimmer than most dwarrowdams, her fingers were thinner and more flexible than any dwarf to live, and her eyes were far too expressive and gave away most of her emotions. Most importantly, her beardless face is what kept Thorin on edge.
To any dwarf, she appeared to be human. But to humans, she was anything but.
That was her life, an awkward in between. Which is why she found herself alone.
And Thorin could see it in her eyes now. He could see the cold, distant look that she reserved for when she thought nobody noticed. He could see the thoughts that went to war behind the colour that took up residence in her eyes. He saw the remains of who she was trying to put back together after years of being what other people wanted her to be.
At least, he noticed those things until she caught his eye, feeling his gaze for he had been looking for a moment too long.
Then he noticed only what he had before, the defiance of a warrior that did not belong to him.
Sending a quick glare her way, Thorin turned to begin aiding the other dwarves in some of their tasks and waking a few others along the way.
Axell let out a sigh as Oin finished up his work with a gentle pat to her side as a signal she could drop her shirt. Looking around, Axell made her way to stand wobbly while looking for a job that hadn't already been taken. Seeing none, Axell dropped her shoulders in defeat, watching and counting everyone accounted for. Though she quickly felt the presence behind her and leapt slightly - in a way she shouldn't have considering her back turned into a raging agony - and snapped her attention to the culprit.
Bilbo had a guilty look on his face as he approaches the cautious woman. He gives her a quirky, apologetic and guilty smirk with a dip of his head, a look to which she accepted and gave him a gentle smile and a soft nod. The hobbit breathed a silent sigh of relief before nearing her to speak.
"Thorin sent me over here to ask you if you think you could walk," Bilbo's ruffled hair sagged over his forehead, the strands getting long enough to hide his brows that furrowed slightly.
Axell sent a backwards glance to where Thorin stood with Dori, talking quietly to each other with Thorin sending careful glances in the woman's direction.
"I believe that I will be fine to do so," Axell nodded, eyes not moving from the so-called king, unaware of the tremble in her legs.
Bilbo nodded to her - paying close attention to the way she swayed - before dipping away from her side to return to Thorin.
Taking her eyes off Bilbo, they landed on Thorin who delivered a harsh glare her way. Not having the energy to put up a fight, Axell sagged sorrowfully while looking away and over the Company.
Kili met her eyes with a gentle, reassuring smile. Which normally Axell would return the look, but feeling compelled to not aggravate Thorin, lowered her head and her gaze. Turning, Axell wrapped her arms around herself, trying to bring some semblance of comfort to her sore, tired body. Resisting the urge to allow tears to fall, Axell made sloppy, slow steps down the path that Gandalf stood near. Bofur jogged to keep up with her after a curt nod from Thorin.
Behind her, Axell failed to notice that Kili threw a nervous, pained glance in Fili's direction who shared a similar look with furrowed brows. The blond nodded at his brother before looking back to the woman.
Not only would there need to be a do-over from the beginning, but it would need to start much farther back than the beginning.