"Here's the mail it never fails, makes me wanna wag my tail when it comes I wanna wail MAAAIL!" I sing out loud, never underestimate the power of an old Blues Clues song to cheer you up. I walk up to the mailbox and grab the slim stack of white envelopes which are most likely address to my parents to attend another stupid party, whatever.

I flip through the stack anyway, for once this evening nothing is planned, I'm going to stay home and watch TV, maybe even- Holy Christ Almighty!

My heart goes from a regular heart beat to a speeding eye blinded pace. I race into the house. I drop the other letters to the floor but one.

Just open it.

The kitchen clock ticks, the house is empty. My hands are clammy and shaking as I hold the envelope. Just open the fucking thing!

I ripe it, greedily, and hold the letter (still folded) in front of me. Okay, Lilly, whatever it says in here, you're still fucking awesome. And nobody, not even the pope, can take that away from you.

Breathing in deeply I hold my breath as I unfold it. And then…

Dear Miss. Lillian Truscott,

We are pleased to inform you, here at Lipscomb University, that you have been accepted into…

Holy shit.

My body feels suddenly light. I got in. I got in to a good university, a private college. I look around the kitchen, at anything. I want to celebrate. "I got in," I whisper to the empty house.

My fingers trace over the typed letter, over and over again I read the letter. I can't help it; I did it, without my parent's money. I got into college by myself.

I wonder… what would Nate say? The idea of him beside me as I opened it, the idea of him jumping up and down with me as I realized the good news, it stirs old emotions inside of my gut and heart. I place a sweaty hand to my oily forehead.

"I miss you…"

Nate should have gone to college. He should be succeeding in this life. He should be right here next to me. I let my arm reach out and grasp nothing, no solid body next to me, no just air, just nothing.

Am I nothing?

No, I grip the letter, I'm going places. I'm getting out of this town. I've got Miley, I've got hope.

"Fine then, Nate, I'll go for us both…."

I'm drumming my thumbs on the steering wheel with the windows down and the radio buzzing with Macy Playground's 'Sex and Candy.' I've got my dad's big ass black sunglasses covering the top half side of my face. My hair is a wild beast blowing in the early evening wind.

It smells like summer. The trees are in full bloom and the square is already hanging banners for the soon-to-be summer festivities. Small towns are lame like that, having random parties for different seasons. Oliver normally drags me to the summer festivals but this year he's taking Sarah.

We used to have a lot of fun, not that I'd ever tell Oliver that I was having a good time. But just being young and soaking up the sun with a best friend did qualify as fun. I park Ernie on the curb and lock the doors. I jog up to the front door and knock.

Oliver's house can always put a smile on my face, especially in the spring/summer months. Everything is bright, lively. I'm always welcomed.

Oliver's door to his room is never closed; it is, however, pulled too leaving a small crack. I like to think it's his one fault, his one weird OCD thing. He has a problem with closed doors. The idea of being locked in. I can relate.

I listen closely for any signs of Oliver and Sarah making out. Not hearing anything I burst through by kicking the door open with my foot.

"I'm a fucking genius!" I shout holding out my acceptance letter.

Oliver is sitting at his desk writing, Sarah is spread out on his bed flipping through a book. They look up with shocked expression at my dramatic entrance.

"What are you…?"

I hand Oliver the letter to shut him up.

"Lilly this is fantastic! We have to celebrate! Sarah, Lilly got into college! A freakin' great one!" He jumps up and hugs me tightly.

"You act so surprised." I sneer humorously, "You think I couldn't do it?"

"I will never doubt you again, scouts honor. I knew that if you just put your mind to it you could do anything Lilly, I'm so proud of you." Oliver gushes pulling me in for another bare hug.

"Yeah, yeah." I say shrugging him off, acting nonchalant.

"This is wonderful, Lilly, what do you think you'll study?" Sarah asks smiling sitting up on the bed.

I pause, chewing on the inside of my cheek thoughtfully, "Screenplay writing."

"Screenplay writing? Where did that come from?" Miley giggles rolling over on her bed.

"I don't know." I say laughing with her, "It just came to me a while ago and I thought about it and yeah that's what I want to do. I don't want novels I want this."

Miley smiles and touches my cheek, "You'll be great no matter what you do, I believe in you."

Miley lays back on her bed with her hands together on her stomach and smiles peacefully. "This is so exciting for you." She says, "Almost unreal how everything seems to work out."

I nod, sitting Indian style at the edge of her bed, "Well, what about you Miss. Miley?"

She looks to me and smiles that smile where I know she's hiding something, but I let it go, not wanting to get into it now, I'm so happy, so high that I just can't handle a fall yet.

"Not sure yet." She says with a wink. "But I do know this, I'm going back to LA for summer vacation with my dad. We want to visit my brother, Jackson, he's there for college, and… I want you to come too."

I feel my cheeks flush, "Really?"

"Yeah… if that's okay, I know we haven't been seeing one another for very long so if that's on completely inappropriate standards then I understand." She says shaking her head and sitting up straight.

"No, hell no, its fine, it's great. I've never been there before."

"I know," Miley blushes taking my hand shyly, "And I want to show you."

I'm hanging around after class in Mr. Gunter's English room smiling like a fucking idiot.

"Somebody looks particularly jolly this afternoon." Mr. Gunter chuckles placing folders in his briefcase. "Get the mail?"

"Sure did… thanks Mr. Gunter for writing that recommendation letter, it means a lot." I say with all my up most sincerity.

"You are most welcome and good luck."

I think of Mr. Gunter as Santa Clause now, a fat rosy cheeked man spreading joy to all the senior classes.

Its funny how relived I feel, everything is taken care of. My future is there just waiting for me and for once I can reach it and taste it, and it tastes fucking sweet.

April 23, 2012- Journal Entry #65

"It is the supreme art of the teacher to awaken joy in creative expression and knowledge." -Albert Einstein

For Mr. Gunter. Thank-you. Maybe one day I'll see you again, possibly at the grocery store maybe I'll be buying peaches and we'll see each other. Maybe then I will be able to express how much your confidence in me meant. Or maybe I'll pop you in the face because I will be poor and homeless--- I'm kidding---

My life is becoming that of an even line. No more lops or dead ends. I have the stability I have craved since the death of my best friend, my one true other half- Nathan Truscott.

These new challenges that await me in college will take a toile me, that I know, but I'm here and I'm ready. My head is high with not false but real pride. This is my last journal entry for your class, but I'm going to remember this. Everything about this moment, this life. Everything about the way my pen loops each of these words. Thank-you Mr. Gunter.

(We made it.)

……

Author's Note: If you think I'm slowly easing to an ending you are so very wrong. There are still trials to come. I actually think this might be the longest story I'll ever write but I shouldn't say that yet. Sorry I was gone, I got so very sick. Leave your thoughts.