AN: Hello again, this is another transitional chapter. I'm gearing up for the test and the aftermath. I'm hoping to wrap this up soon. Thanks to all of you who are reading and/or commenting. Also, those of you still writing. It was a bummer when the show got cancelled, but it's nice to see some new adventures for Cal and Gill. All mistakes are my own.

Ch. 24: Fragile

…They held each other's gaze for what seemed like an eternity, when he finally spoke.

"Stalemate…"

She raised her eyebrow in an unspoken question and he continued.

"She thought she had the upper hand and I thought I did. She certainly didn't win anything, nor did I. Stalemate."

Cal was emotionally and physically exhausted. He could feel the throb of his hand now that the adrenaline had worn off, though the ice was helping. He was embarrassed by his actions and was glad that only Gillian saw what he did. It had been many years since he lost control like that and he was sure that it had scared her to see him in such a state. His eyes never left hers, which were full of empathy, concern and sadness. The guilt started to move through his system and take over his thoughts.

"Gill, I'm sorry… about all this."

Her expression didn't change, but her eyes moved to his hand cradled in her lap. It was his actions that resulted in this giant fiasco. He just couldn't leave well enough alone and now they would both pay the price for it. He now knew that his ex-wife not only had an affair with a random stranger, but with her best friend. He exposed the fragility of his trust in Gillian, not once but twice in a matter of only 10 minutes, which was a shock to them both. He let loose the rage that had been caged and buried for so long he thought it was gone. He knows that he scared Gillian more than once today and won't forget the look on her face when she finally got his attention in front of the shattered mirror. The only silver lining in this whole mess was that Emily wasn't here to witness it, although he would have to explain his injury to her.

"Gillian, please look at me."

She slowly complied with his request, dragging hers up to meet his. He wanted to hold her, but it was impossible from this position.

"Did I...uh do I scare you? I mean when we were in the cube and you moved closer to me, but out of my reach. Were you...?"

He let his words trail off, unsure whether he really wanted to know the answer to that question now that he vocalized it. His eyes took in her expression of shock, then sympathy.

"What? No Cal. I wasn't afraid of you, but I am smart enough to know when you need space. You retreated to the corner of the cube, which spoke loud and clear to me that you felt cornered. I wanted you to know that I was there without you feeling as though I was trapping you. If I was afraid of you, I would have never put myself between you and Zoe."

He thought she must see the lingering doubt in his eyes, because she continued on after carefully adjusting then turning her body toward him.

"And as for how I found you in the restroom, I was scared Cal, but not because I thought you would hurt me. When I saw the broken mirror and the blood, I figured you probably lashed out with your fist. Of course, that concerned me, but it was the emptiness in your eyes that scared me. It was like you completely checked out and I've never seen you that way before. I've seen a whole range of emotions from you and I've seen you hide them all, but I've never seen that emptiness."

He heard the waver in her voice and let out a deep sigh. He hadn't blanked out like that in more than 30 years and it terrified him that it happened again. He couldn't remember if that had been in his file when he saw Gillian as a patient years ago, but figured that he would have to tell her in light of recent events.

"I used to have spells, when I was in my teens. I would just zone out to the world and lose time. It hasn't happened in so long, I thought they were gone. Apparently I was wrong."

"Do you not remember breaking the mirror?"

He shook his head slowly and averted his eyes from hers, overwhelmed by what had happened and the concern emanating from her.

"What do you remember?"

"Leaving the cube, telling you to get her out, and then I'm looking at you in the remnants of the mirror, thinking how your jagged reflection was like a Picasso."

"When's the last time this happened? Nothing recent?"

"No, like I told you, it was more than 30 years ago, doc."

His gaze drifted back to hers, noticing that Dr. Foster had popped by again. A small smile graced his features as he thought about her Dr. Foster persona. He didn't mind it…in fact, at times like this the doc was easier to deal with since she puts the emotions aside and becomes more objective. She raised her brow at his teasing and returned his smirk.

"Honestly, I think it's just the stress overload. You will let me know if it happens, again?"

As quickly as the doctor appeared, she disappeared and Gillian was back, her concern overwhelming him again.

"Of course, love."

He watched her curiously as she picked up her cell. She motioned to him that she would be back and left after planting a kiss on his lips. Not sure what she was doing, but too exhausted to move, he figured that she would tell him when she came back to the office. He picked up the small glass of scotch and held it up so the amber liquid caught the sunlight, swirling it around so the light would dance. He finally swallowed the liquor, leaned back and closed his eyes. He felt Gillian come back in the room and looked at her with his "What's going on that I need to know about" look.

"I called in a favor to get the mirror fixed before Monday. I'll have to go clean up a little once they're done, but they are taking care of the bulk of it. I figured you wouldn't be ready to move for a while after all that happened."

He discarded the icepack and held his arms open for her. He held her in his arms with her reclining against him. He breathed in the fragrance of her shampoo and put his lips to her ear.

"Gill…"

He felt her try to move and held her close.

"Don't move, love. Don't talk. Just listen. I know that I hurt you today. I could see it in your eyes and even if I couldn't see it, I felt it. When I reacted to your guilt, when I questioned you on knowing about her and when you had to find me in the state you did. You warned me, Gillian. You told me and I didn't listen and now we're here and you're cleaning up my mess yet again. Only this time a thank you and twirl ain't gonna fix it."

He felt her breath hitch and knew that tears would follow.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't just do what you asked me to and drop it. I'm sorry that I automatically shut down on you when I saw the guilt cross your face. Gill, I love you so much and yet I couldn't leave all this alone. I know I was wrong about all this, Gillian. I know and I'm so sorry, love."

Her resolve finally crumbled and she wept softly in his arms and he held her closer. He kept telling her how much he loved her and how sorry he was, trying to calm her. Her phone chirped and he released her. She got up to go let the men out but he stopped her.

"I'll go, Gill. When they're gone you can go freshen up."

He kissed her hand and went to go let the workers out. He didn't bother trying to read them; he just wanted them gone. He got the invoice and told them it would be paid on Monday morning.

He went back to the bathroom and was shocked to see the amount of blood that was on the floor. Sighing heavily, he got some paper towels and the cleaning spray and set to work. After a few minutes of struggling with one hand, he finally managed to contain the mess and tossed the towels in the bin. Glancing around, he checked the floor. Finding no other remnants of blood or glass he stood up and found Gillian watching him in the mirror. They stared at each other, both noting that the glass was now whole and his eyes were anything but empty.

"Ready to go home, love?"

"Yeah…let me freshen up a bit and then we can leave."

He nodded at her, then set off to the men's room to make sure there was no more blood around. He cleaned up the few droplets along the path she led him along. He also cleaned the sink where she cleaned him up and felt the weight of guilt press down again on his soul. When the need to find the truth took hold of him, he saw nothing else but his goal. This time, instead of putting someone in jail or ending a crooked politician's career, he put his relationship with Gillian at risk. He knew that this wasn't the first time and it wouldn't be the last. It killed him to know that, but he'd be damned if he would let her go. He finally, finally knew what it was like to hold her in his arms, wake up beside her and make love to her. He was desperate to have her in his life and he would do whatever it took to keep her from coming to her senses and leaving him.

He put the supplies away and left the men's room, heading back toward his office to find Gillian sitting in his office chair. She was sitting up and motioned for him to sit across from her. Knowing that she only took ownership of his office when she had something on her mind, he flopped in the chair and braced himself for what was coming.

She held his gaze and said nothing. He waited. She waited. Silence enveloped them. He fought the urge to fidget. She watched him, studied him as if the words were hidden on him. He waited. She sighed. He flinched at the sadness he felt coming from her.

"Cal."

Only his name, but the way she said it conveyed so much. Disappointment, hurt, love, exasperation. He read them on her face and he heard them in her voice. She had taught him that. He said nothing, but let her know that he was listening to her and not hiding anything from her.

"Are you done with all this now? Done with the interrogation of Zoe? Done with digging up the bones of your marriage?"

"Yes."

He knew that she saw the truth of his answer and felt the tension dissipate immediately. Her relief was evident and he dared to hope that they would be okay after this. He waited again. There was more she needed to say and he would give her all the time she needed.

"You don't trust me."

It wasn't an accusation, but those words felt like a dagger to his heart. He thought he trusted her. He wanted to trust her. With everything. But he didn't. He didn't and he proved that not once, but twice.

"I do, Gillian. I trust you with my life. I trust you with my daughter's life, with my home, our business, my heart. I do trust you Gillian."

"You believe that. I can see that you do. But that doesn't change what happened today."

"No love, it doesn't. I saw the guilt and my body just reacted. I felt you kiss me, love. I didn't know what the guilt was and that scared me. My defenses went up immediately, but I felt your lips on mine and knew that I had to keep from lashing out at you. I know I'm a git and run off at the mouth, but after all I said to you about RJ I knew I had to keep my mouth shut. I fought it, Gillian. I know I was a bastard today, love, but you have to know that I was trying not to hurt you more than I had."

He dropped his eyes in shame and studied the floor in front of his desk. He heard his name and looked up at her.

"What about later, Cal? You questioned me on Liz too…"

"I did. Twice, Gillian. I know that. Both times, though, were related to Zoe and her indiscretions. The second time, I couldn't understand how you knew. I didn't figure it out that fast, but you seemed to laser in on it so fast that it seemed as if you knew already. Again, I was scared that you didn't tell me everything about what happened with Zoe. It's stupid really, because I know that you already told me everything you knew, but I just couldn't piece everything together. I was hurt, betrayed, angry and irrational. Don't you see, love? Both times were related to Zoe."

"So, instead of just asking me why I felt guilty or how I figured out it was Liz, it was easier for you to believe I had done something wrong? That somehow my loyalties lie with Zoe instead of you? That I would hide something from you even after you saw the video. Studied me like one of your experiments in the cube and found that I was telling the truth. You knew all this and it took you a split second to shut down on me. While I truly appreciate that you curbed your mouth, it doesn't bode well for us does it?"

Cal felt his heart pound in his chest and his stomach knot. He didn't want to hear those words from her. He can't bear the thought of his future without her now that they had come so far, even after all the drama of the past week. He let his head flop to the side and studied her. She said she wouldn't leave and he had to trust her on that. He didn't see goodbye on her features, yet.

"Don't talk like that, love. It's only been a week or so and we only have one more hurdle to go in this mess, then we are free to move forward…you, me and Em. It'll all be over. I know that Zoe will still be in our lives because of Em, but we'll move past this."

"It's not just going to go away, Cal. It's not that simple. I do this for a living and I wanted to believe that we were solid. I honestly thought we were, but we're not."

"Look, Gillian. Love. I trust you. I love you. I'm in love with you and I want nothing more than to continue to build the future we started just a few weeks ago. I can let this go, but if you think we need to talk to someone then we'll do that. You're it, love. You're all I want and whatever it takes to keep you by my side as my wife, my partner, and my best friend is what I'll do."

He got up and went to her in the chair. He held out his hands and she stepped up into his embrace. He tightened his hold on her when she whispered that she didn't want to lose him.

"You won't, Gill. I promise you won't. We'll get through it together."

He felt her sigh, her weariness as evident as his own. He pulled back and looked in her eyes, smiling at the love he saw there. They would be okay…he could see it.

"Let's go home, Cal."

He smiled down at her, bringing his lips to hers. He poured the emotions of the day into the kiss and savored the slow, gentle rhythm of their mouths moving together. He held everything he ever wanted and dreamed of in a woman in his arms. He put his forehead to hers, breath mingling and smiled at her.

"Right…how 'bout some beans on toast?"

They both laughed and exited the building. Cal glanced up at the storm clouds in the distance and couldn't help but think of the impending DNA test and what it would mean for them. Pulling Gillian closer, he pushed the thought out of his mind and focused on the beautiful woman at his side.

TBC…