25- Merry Christmas

"Alecto Carrow," Severus spat the next time we talked in the two-way mirror; I had just asked him about his sudden departure a few days prior. "That damnable woman caught a Hufflepuff girl out of bed after curfew and wanted to set an example; she had the nerve to come to my office at three o'clock in the morning to ask for an Approval for Whipping. She should marry Filch instead of dancing attendance on me…"

"Alecto Carrow fancies you?" I gasped surprised.

"That woman fancies my reputation, my position as the Dark Lord's most loyal servant. She would spread her legs for anyone just to get his attention."

I chuckled. The way Severus spoke about her made it obvious she would get nowhere with him. "So what happened to the poor Hufflepuff girl?"

"I told Carrow that I knew crueller ways of punishing the girl and sent her away. Little Hufflepuff girls are easily scared by my mere presence so I made her stay in my office all night, dusting my books."

"You really are a cruel devil, Severus Snape. All your books?"

He nodded. "Without the help of magic."

"By the way, did you know that my mum used to be one of those little Hufflepuff girls?"

"Well, I hope she knew better than to roam the corridors after curfew." He stared at me, his black eyes softening a tad. "Please thank your mother for me. I really appreciated her kind welcome…"

"She likes you," I said, "and I doubt she was very adventurous in her schooldays. After all, she was in third grade when the Chamber of Secrets was opened for the first time…"

"She attended to Hogwarts the same time he… the Dark Lord… "

"Tom Riddle." Now that I had spoken it out I realized for the first time that my mum was one of the very few who still knew Lord Voldemort when he was a boy. Maybe she could give me valuable information to figure him out, understand how he ticked. What objects he would have chosen to make a Horcrux of.

But as days turned into weeks and we were still staying in Majorca, England and all the problems we had left behind began to seem very far away. For a while I forgot about Horcruxes, Hallows, Voldemort, the war. I didn't even talk to Severus that much anymore because I was enjoying my time with Sirius.

The Association of Majorcan Witches thought him to be the perfect son-in-law. He was handsome and charming; he could wind the old ladies around his little finger. None of them ever came up with the idea of matching me with their sons anymore, since I had found my perfect match. I must admit though that the way they pestered me with questions about marriage was irritating me, and fortunately my mum thought, too, that it was much too early for that.

She was glad to have me around for more than just a few days because usually she didn't have the chance to fuss over me. She also grew accustomed to Sirius and accepted him as my lover, the man at my side. They got on well although he never managed to take her in with his charm as much as the other old ladies. From time to time she would look at me and ask me if I was happy, and I was. Probably she would never believe anyone good enough for me, her precious daughter. I often wondered what Dad would have said about Sirius but I guessed he would have liked him.

The weather was decidedly better than in England, most trees were evergreen, and even at that time of the year flowers were blossoming everywhere. I adored the colours and the light of the island during the motorbike trips we made as I showed Sirius my favourite places. One morning, after we had made love, we rode across the whole island, along winded roads to the steep cliffs of Cap Formentor, and there we watched the sun rise over the Mediterranean Sea. It was stunning. Another day we took a long walk at Platja Es Trenc, one of the most beautiful beaches. In summer it was crowded with nudist but at this time of year we almost had the whole beach to ourselves.

Of course we also visited the island's capital, Palma de Majorca. We went there on different occasions, enjoying the morbid beauty of a maze of alleyways with shabby little houses; but as shabby as they were, they were almost always decorated with flowerpots. And just when you didn't expect it at all you spotted a beautiful patio which told you of former grandeur.

We went to my favourite Tapa bars and- needless to say- I also took some time to go shopping. The little shops in the old town weren't as trendy as in Camden but you could buy leather clothes of high quality for a reasonable price here.

I enjoyed life with my lover but as November ended and turned into December it became inevitable that we couldn't go on like that forever. We had to return to England. Sirius was getting more and more nervous with each day he couldn't reach Harry on his mobile phone, and when he finally succeeded, the boy sounded so distressed that Sirius wished to be at his side with help and advice if only Harry would have told him where he was. But he never told Sirius which was also something Severus complained about the few times we spoke. He had to give the sword of Gryffindor to him and yet he couldn't do that without knowing where Potter was.

The behaviour of my two favourite wizards had definitely improved lately. Sirius finally treated Severus with respect and even friendliness although that didn't seem to impress Severus much. It was a good start though that they didn't openly loathe each other just for the sake of good old times anymore, and probably Sirius would have to make more amends before Severus would really believe in his change of attitude towards him, but it was nevertheless a good start.

-

One day in mid December we returned to England, using the Floo network to take us to Grimmauld Place from where we walked along rainy streets to our house in Camden. No Death Eaters were to be seen. I hoped enough grass had grown over the latest events as I checked the post-box which was almost welling over with invoices. Fortunately most of them were already paid due to the direct debit authorization with my credit card account so I didn't have to worry about that. I smiled though when I found a little box in the mail, containing the spare part I needed to get Sirius' motorbike back running. Now that would probably be a nice Christmas surprise.

We didn't stay in the house that night for the place looked a mess. The sofa was charred, the TV out of order, and it soon became obvious that someone- Death Eaters? The Magical Law Enforcement Squad?- had searched the house thoroughly. Drawers had been opened, their contents spilled on the floor. If I'd ever meet the person responsible for roaming through my underwear he'd long for the Killing Curse, I swore as I magically packed my CD collection. At least no intruder had dared to touch any of them which proved that Death Eaters simply had no style.

Sirius thought it a good idea to go to The Burrow and stay with the Weasleys for a while, and I agreed to that because I wanted to finish working on his motorbike. The perfect Christmas present- finally he wouldn't have to sit on the buddy seat of my Harley, drooling in my neck because he so much wanted to ride the bike instead of merely being a passenger. No matter how much I loved him, I had never granted him that pleasure. Some things were absolutely sacred to me and therefore untouchable.

Staying there was an unpleasant event since Molly Weasley believed that unmarried people had to sleep in different rooms, so for the first time in months I had to spend the night separated from Sirius, and I didn't like it at all.

The next few nights we spent at a hotel where nobody asked us if we were married or not as long as my credit card would pay the rent for the room. I appreciated that attitude much more than Molly Weasley's forced chastity upon us, and yet there was apparently no way to avoid spending Christmas with her family and friends. Sirius wanted it so; he actually insisted on it and was looking forward to see Lupin again. What was going to be a merry Christmas to him sounded like a nightmare to me, but well, he was my man and I would survive it because I wanted to see him happy.

Tonks looked definitely pregnant now. I almost pitied her for having to carry the get of a spineless git although she kept on beaming, and Molly behaved as if she would be grandmother soon, constantly fussing over her. She made no secret of liking her just as much as she disliked me. At least she wasn't battening me the way she made Tonks eat as if she was expecting a whole pack of werewolves.

Due to the lovely English weather we couldn't go for a ride on our motorbikes- Sirius was overjoyed that his bike was finally running again; he claimed that was his best Christmas present ever. It was snowing and the streets were slippery, covered with grey slush, so we had to stay inside The Burrow and endure the charming company.

"Have a sip of tea, Raven," Lupin offered as he handed me a cup, "it will do you good."

I took the cup in my hands, enjoying the warmth. Wait! Why was Lupin suddenly pretending he cared about my well-being? I eyed him with curious interest. Was that a peace-offering? Was he growing soft because he soon would be a father? But why was he exchanging surreptitious glances with Molly then? I sniffed at the tea, recalling that Veratiserum was odourless, a clear liquid. What the hell was going on here? The Weasley twins were, for once, not to blame.

"It's a good tea," Molly said, sounding offended as if I had just criticised the quality of her brew, as if I was a posh little princess who would only drink the most expensive tea. Well, actually I preferred coffee.

They watched me, waiting for me to drink the tea. Sirius was chatting with Tonks, the two of them were clueless of what was going on. Arthur had the decency to avoid my eyes, blushing slightly, apparently feeling ashamed. He obviously didn't approve to whatever Molly and Lupin were up to but he lacked the courage to protest.

I glanced at Lupin, who smiled at me. That alone was suspicious. Alright, if he wanted to play I would play along, so I smiled back.

'Legilimens.'

I didn't need a wand to invade someone else's mind, and though I could have done it in a soft and subtle way I wasn't in the mood for subtlety. So there was Veratiserum in the tea! I poured the cup into his face, cold fury boiling up inside me. He tried to back away from me, to break eye contact- his Occlumency skills were miserable- and crashed into the table. I launched myself at him. Molly screamed. The twins hurried to their mother's aid but when they saw she wasn't in danger they opted for waiting to see what was going to happen. Sirius had jumped to his feet. Tonks cried her husband's name. Arthur stood as if frozen.

I grabbed Lupin at his collar and forced him to reveal what they believed they'd find out by administering Veratiserum to me. It was about the Order. The danger I was to the Order because of my friendship with Severus Snape. Snape had killed Dumbledore. What are we planning next?

Totally disgusted I considered using the Cruciatus Curse on him but that wouldn't do to satisfy my raging anger so I rammed my knee into his groin, hard. It felt good to give vent. I shoved him away. Lupin howled with pain as he stumbled backwards and had another collision with the table; this time it gave in with a loud crack. In a heap of broken wood he fell to the floor, clutching his private parts.

"YOU BITCH!" Molly yelled as she raised her wand, her children followed suit. Arthur would have tried to reason if he wasn't at a total loss. Tonks hurried to help her husband up, shootin me an accusing glance.

"Raven! What the hell is going on here?" Sirius barked in disbelief. He knew I could be quite a spitfire but never before had he seen me attacking someone without a reason.

I was infuriated. Shocked about how far their mistrust had gone, appalled that they had the nerve to invite me for Christmas only to abuse their hospitality by trying to give Veratiserum to me. If Molly dared to shoot a curse, any curse, at me now I swore her husband would have become a widower on Christmas day. But she was wise enough to not do anything stupid. Instead she watched me, her wand still at the ready.

"We need to know… for the Order…"

"Fuck the Order! Fuck all of you!" I turned on my heels, grabbed my coat, and was almost already out the door when I stopped to snap at Sirius. "Go and ask your fucking friend about the Veratiserum in my tea!"

"Remus?" Sirius gasped bewildered, then he shouted, "Remus! Tell me that's not true!"

From the corner of my eye I saw him heading towards Lupin in the ruins of the table. Maybe he thought I would only go outside to cool down again; I had no idea if he would come looking for me later. I didn't care. I just wanted to get away from these hypocrites. All for the Order! Bah! I spat out. I was so thoroughly fed up with all of them. I was angry at myself that I hadn't seen the betrayal coming, borne out of mistrust, hidden behind their smiles. Oh, merry Christmas- the idea of peace and love was a lie.

I stamped through the falling snow, storming away from The Burrow without a concrete aim, merely wanting to get away. Disappointment came along with the fury still raging in me, weighing me down. I was angry and frustrated. I wanted to kick at something, anything. I didn't want to feel the tears burning in my eyes, I didn't want to cry. Annoyed I wiped them away when they were streaming down my face. They felt hot against my cold skin, and only then I realized that it was indeed fucking cold in the falling snow. I remembered that I had snatched my coat before leaving the house, it could be helpful to put it on. But I was already so cold inside that nothing would dispel the chill.

Burying my hands deep in the pockets, my fingers soon found a pack of cigarettes- and my two-way mirror. As I lit a fag I gave in to the temptation, so desperately longing for a friend now although part of me was pissed off with people in general and particularly if they were wizarding folks. The only one whose presence I could bear now was Severus. I called his name but he didn't reply.

Damned! I broke down to my knees and started to cry seriously. As it seemed the whole world had decided to conspire against me today, letting me down. It was getting dark, which perfectly fitted to my mood, and with nightfall the cold increased. But I would not go back to The Burrow because it was so pleasantly warm there; I would not let them lure me into the false belief that they were sorry, or that I had to understand that all's fair in love and war, and we were at war, and the Order was concerned. Fuck the Order! Fuck the Greater Good!

From a very far distance I could hear Sirius calling my name but I didn't want to see him now. I didn't want to hear the excuses he would make for his oh-so-wonderful friend Lupin, probably blaming his intolerable behaviour on the moon. Bloody werewolf teaming up with the perfect mother hen and allying against me because they believed me to be a threat to the Order, but what was the bloody Order doing anyway? What did they fear I could give away other than their inefficiency and the knowledge that some kids, friends of the Weasley twins, were trying out revolution with a wireless show called 'Potterwatch'.

Suddenly a silvery light erupted in front of me, gleaming brightly in the snow as it formed the shape of a doe.

'Meet me behind Hagrid's hut," it said before it dissolved into thin air again.

The ghost of a smile curled up the corners of my lips and I breathed a sigh of relief. I Apparated to Hogsmead and from there I walked the short distance to Hagrid's hut. No lights were shining through the windows, it was totally dark. A shadow against the pure whiteness of the snow. Probably Hagrid was visiting his giant half-brother, and his absence was the reason why Severus had suggested meeting him there.

Wearily I leaned my back against the wooden wall of the cabin, waiting for my friend to show up. I lit a cigarette. My mobile phone was ringing. On the display I saw that Sirius was calling but I rejected his call; I couldn't talk to him now. I lit another cigarette. After what seemed to be an eternity a silent pop finally announced Severus' arrival.

"What happened? I came as soon as possible." His voice sounded rough, strained.

I flung my arms around his neck and rested my head against his shoulder, finding a moment of peace while a new flood of tears was burning in my eyes. Then I realized that he had to live with mistrust for years, that the Order had only trusted him because Dumbledore had done so and not because they believed in him… damned, and I made such a fuss about the recent incident, I felt so hurt… Suddenly I smelled the whiff of a very expensive perfume lingering on his clothes and I drew away from him with a frown.

"As soon as possible, eh? Who kept you? With whom have you been?"

"I've been with the Malfoys, like every year for Christmas. It became a habit of Lucius to invite me…"

"Lucius? I think you rather smell of Narcissa." I said pointedly.

Severus scowled at me. "I don't believe I am accountable to tell you with whom I spend my time but let me explain anyway. Maybe it is the spirit of Christmas that you don't happen to be the only one sobbing against my shoulder tonight; Narcissa was distressed and sought comfort, and for some reason I can't fathom she thought I was the one who could give her. Of course I told her to keep countenance and that her behaviour wasn't appropriate for the wife of a Death Eater."

There had been a certain softness in his voice the way he spoke Narcissa's name and I felt an unreasonable pang of jealousy I shouldn't feel at all. He was my friend, nothing more and nothing less, and yet I couldn't stand the thought of another woman holding him in her arms.

"So what bugged the spoiled pure-blood princess?" I asked with a harsher tone than intended.

"It bugged her that she isn't mistress of her own house anymore, that she is virtually grounded there with a guest who is overstraining and abusing her hospitality by constantly threatening her family ever since her husband fell out of his good grace. I feel sorry for Narcissa but she has to learn to cope with the situation, and crying her eyes out doesn't improve anything because if the Dark Lord finds out about it he will only humiliate her even more."

I was silent for a while; I hadn't expected any of the Death Eaters to not approve to Lord Voldemort's whims but apparently I had been wrong. I didn't want to imagine how he treated those who had failed him, had disappointed him. I had never liked Lucius Malfoy but I definitely didn't want to be in his shoes, and I would have pitied Narcissa if not for that tone in Severus' voice telling me he was fond of her.

"Needless to say that this Christmas was not the best of my life. I thought I had seen a lot but the way the Dark Lord derided the festivities by giving Nagini a tasty present…" Severus shuddered at the memory and I could sense his guilt for not having been able to prevent it from happening when he turned his dark eyes on me. For the fraction of a second I saw two young Muggle boys cowering on the floor in fear as a giant snake approached them, and I heard a high voice hiss softly, 'merry Christmas, Nagini.'

"Now, what bothers you, Raven? You look distressed…"

That was a nice way to put it when all the tears I had cried had probably smeared my mascara, the snow had ruined my hair-do, but there was true concern in his voice. I fumbled for my cigarettes when my mobile phone rang again, and again I rejected to answer the call.

"Black?" He asked.

I nodded.

"What happened?"

"I don't want to talk to him now though he's got nothing to do with what happened today only that his best friend was involved," I said before I told him the whole story.

"Veratiserum?" Severus gasped surprised; apparently he hadn't expected them to go that far either.

"Yep. Veratiserum. In the tea. I didn't drink it though- I mean, Lupin politely offering me a cup of tea was suspicious in itself, don't you agree? Anyway, he won't be able to get it up and father more pups any time soon, I suppose."

"You didn't… oh, of course you did!"

"It was far more satisfying than cursing him into oblivion. Sometimes you have to do things the Muggle way because it simply feels better."

"And what said Black about it?"

I shrugged. I had no idea how Sirius judged this incident because I was still refusing to talk to him on the phone; I just wasn't in the mood now.

"If he loves you he would like to know you're safe." Severus suggested, unusually caring. Was it possible that Sirius' changed attitude towards him had influenced him as well? Any other time that would have made me cheer but today it left me strangely unaffected. Nevertheless I typed a short message, my fingers almost numb with cold, and sent it to him before I switched off my mobile phone for good. Severus watched me shiver.

"You look frozen. We'd better go to my office and I hope you don't mind if I'll offer you some tea."

I glanced over the grounds to the castle. I would have loved to get out of the cold and into his office but I had no idea how to get there without being spotted by people who ought not to see us together. You can't Apparate inside of Hogwarts and there wasn't a fireplace I could use either.

But Severus would never fail to surprise me. From the pocket of his robes he produced something that, at first glance, looked just like any piece of cloth. Then he wrapped it around my shoulders, a cloak woven of the finest wool and of indefinite colour. It was of almost no weight, and when I glanced down on me, wishing for a mirror to watch me, I noticed that it didn't matter how the cloak looked on me because I was invisible.

"Demiguise hair," Severus said.

"Oh, Sev, it must have cost a fortune." That was probably the best Invisibility Cloak money could buy, and I couldn't accept such an expensive present.

He made a gesture as if shooing away an irritating fly. "The shopkeeper in Knockturn Alley was very obliging after I told him that the Dark Lord would not be pleased if he tried to cheat his most loyal servant so we agreed on a very reasonable price."

"Thank you… but…"

"Lestrange, since there is apparently no chance of getting rid of you, let me at least make is easier for us if you keep intending to see me. Now I want you to get out of the cold." He turned away from me and headed towards the castes with long strides.

I hurried to catch up with him. Since he couldn't see me sneaking up on him he was a bit startled when I hugged him, breathing a kiss on his cheek.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"Well, merry Christmas."

We walked in silence then. I turned around once and cast a spell that made my footsteps in the snow disappear so that no hint of my presence on Hogwarts grounds was left. As we entered the hall I had to come up with another spell to silence the sound of my high heels on the stone floor, and I had just succeeded when I heard loud, drunken voices approaching us. The Carrows.

"Severus! There you are!" Amycus shouted. "You left Malfoy Manor much too early!"

"We wanted to… hic… celebrate with you!" Alecto joined in.

Disgust was clearly etched in Severus' face as he sneered at them. "Is there anything to celebrate, Alecto?"

"It's… hic… Christmas," she raised her bottle of firewhisky in a toast. "The Dark Lord!"

"The Dark Lord!" Her brother parroted, bringing his own bottle of firewhisky to his lips before offering it to Severus, who rejected.

"The Dark Lord knows of my loyalty without me having to bawl about it. Please excuse me now."

"Ah, come on, Severus, don't be such a spoilsport. It's Christmas. Let's have some fun!"

"Yeah, let's… hic… 'ave some fun, Sevverrus."

It was ridiculous to hear Alecto Carrow slurring while she batted her eyes at my friend, drool dripping from her lips. Severus looked truly appalled now.

"You seem to be forgetting your place," he snarled. "I am not a fun person, and I doubt that is what the Dark Lord expects from me. He prefers brainy rather than drunken. That might also be the reason why my rank is higher than yours, why he puts his trust in me. He won't be pleased to hear how low you have sunk, reeking of firewhisky…"

Why don't you just let them get hopelessly pissed and enjoy a quiet day tomorrow while they'll go through hangover hell?, I thought and as if he could hear what I had been thinking he glanced at the two Carrows, a nasty smile curling up his lips.

"Forget what I just said." Obliviate. "Go and celebrate, drink to the Dark Lord. Drink a lot to the Dark Lord, to his immense powers that will change the world." He Summoned two more bottles of firewhisky out of thin air and handed them the Alecto and Amycus. "Merry Christmas."

They seemed to feel honoured. Although that was probably not what Alecto had hoped for, Amycus bowed humbly to Headmaster Snape and dragged his lewd sister along with him as they retreated to their private chambers where they would drown themselves in firewhisky. I didn't envy them for the hangover they were going to have the next day.

"Raven?" Severus whispered when they were definitely out of earshot, looking around for me. It irritated him a little that he couldn't see me, that he wasn't in total control of the situation.

"I'm here." I gently brushed his arms with my fingers.

"I have to lock the Potions cabinet. Why don't you just go ahead and wait for me in my office; it won't take long and you know the way, don't you?"

I nodded. Then I realized that he couldn't see me nodding and said, "Alright."

It was a strange feeling to walk the same old corridors again, and I almost felt catapulted back in time when I had been a little girl, strolling these corridors protected with a charm that kept others away from me. I had never been happy at Hogwarts but recalling those times now it hadn't been all that bad either. At least I had found a good friend who was still dear to me now.

I withstood the urge to look around, to see what had changed of if the library was still the same, as I headed straight to the Headmaster's office. The stone gargoyles at the entrance accepted my password and slid aside to reveal the spiral staircase behind. Ignoring the portraits on the walls I passed his office and opened the door the his private chambers, where I sat down in one of the plush armchairs. Only then I took off my Invisibility Cloak and ran the fine wool through my fingers to examine it more closely. It seemed to be of a greyish colour but whenever I tilted my head, or the light fell at it from a different angle, it looked bluish, or silvery, and when all of a sudden the fire in the hearth lit up, it took on a deep green shade. However, it was truly beautiful. Skilfully woven, tailored, and turned into a masterpiece of concealing magic.

Only a minute after the fire in the hearth had sprung to life, Pinkie appeared out of nowhere, carrying a tray with a teapot.

"Good evening, dear mistress Raven, Pinkie is here to serve like Master orders… Master needs not order what is pleasure for Pinkie." The house-elf poured me a mug of tea that she pressed into my hands and, enjoying the warmth that spread from it all through my frozen bones, I tentatively took a sip. The tea was strong and good, reviving my spirits and driving away the cold. I took another sip, not fearing at all that it could be poisoned with Veratiserum. Not here, not Severus. If I couldn't trust him I'd never be able to trust anyone at all.

Pinkie turned large, violet eyes on me as she placed plates and bowl containing various food on the table. "Master always forgets eating, especially when he comes home late. When he was with," she leaned in closer to my and whispered conspiratorially, "You-Know-Who… Master says him is not hungry but Pinkie worries."

"I will see to it that he does eat something," I promised her although I could understand that the meetings with Voldemort would make him lose his appetite.

"Good mistress," Pinkie's bat-shaped ears twitched happily, and she reached out to pat my arm, "mistress is so good to master, him almost smiles when you visited, you know? Master likes you."

"And I like him. We're friends."

"Pinkie has friend too, him calls Dobby. Dobby is a free house-elf." Once again she reduced her voice to a whisper. "Dobby wears socks."

"Oh, really?" I tried hard not to burst out laughing. She was really so cute. I told her about Tweety and the fancy dresses she liked to wear before asking her if she'd like to be a free house-elf, too.

"Oh no, dear Mistress Raven, Pinkie is soooo happy she serves Master Severus. Him is so kind to Pinkie she wants it no other way."

"But he is not your real master. You belong to Hogwarts, not to him..."

"Pinkie not belongs to Master Severus?" Suddenly her eyes were full as if she had only now realized the truth. A stubborn expression appeared on her face. "Then Pinkie wants to be a free house-elf because then she can choose to only serve Master Severus for all her life."

I reached out to gently stroke her cheek, feeling very fond of her. Deep in her heart she already was a free elf because she had chosen to serve Severus, and she didn't have the self-destructive attitude that made other house-elves hurt themselves when they didn't behave accordingly to their master's whims. So either the house-elves of Hogwarts were different or Pinkie had truly a little rebellious streak.

That moment Severus entered the room and let himself sink into the second plush armchair, heaving a long suppressed sigh as accepted a cup of tea Pinkie had poured him.

"Master please eats something?"

"I probably will, thank you, Pinkie. Now would you please be so kind and bring us a bottle of wine?"

Pinkie disappeared immediately to fulfil his wishes. A little late the requested bottle stood on the table between us and we held his beautiful serpent goblets in our hands, dark red wine sloshing around languidly in them. I had finally calmed down, feeling warm and safe in Severus' presence. It didn't matter that I was probably the most unpopular witch in Britain, being disliked by the Death Eaters and the Order of the Phoenix. Wasn't that impressive? I was fighting the same war as the Order did and yet they thought me untrustworthy; it was so absurd. I just hoped Sirius would understand the delicacy of the situation and keep his mouth shut because the last thing I needed now was him spilling our plans to Lupin for the sake of my reputation. There was so much at stake, actually the fate of the whole wizarding world might depend on his secrecy… maybe it had been a mistake to fill him in. I had thought I could have them both, my lover and my friend… now I feared that that had not only been an egoistic but also a dangerous idea. What if they tried to use Veratiserum on him too? What had transpired after I had fled from The Burrow?

I didn't want to mull these things over now so I started a trivial conversation with Severus who had the decency to play along, knowing I wouldn't want to discuss Lupin's behaviour towards me now. I also didn't want to leave so I asked him if I could stay here tonight, relying on his chivalry. He couldn't possibly send me out in the cold again.

"Of course," he said and he offered me his bed while he seemed to intend to sleep in one of the armchairs, or not sleep at all. Needless to say I wouldn't have any of that.

"Sev," I patted the free space next to me after I had lain down, "the bed is big enough for both of us, and we're both old enough to share it without any ulterior motives, so come here now."

Stifling a yawn he nodded. I could sense he was tired and glad to get some sleep when he walked over to join me but prudently kept distance.

"Well, good night, Raven."

"Good night, Sev."

We smiled wryly at each other before we turned around and fell asleep back to back.