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COLBY THOMAS BLACK

I didn't have the time to think about all the Why's and the What's - I had to get her out of here, now - before she sinks her teeth into the waiter's neck. I slipped out some cash from my wallet - enough to cover our order and a little extra - and put it on the table, got up and didn't even bother talking to her - reasoning. I'd seen vampires of all ages go through that same feeling and she wasn't going to listen to me at all. I pulled her off her chair and out of the restaurant as quietly as possible, my arms wrapped around her arms and waist - restraining her.

"Monsieur Black!" the waiter called, but I couldn't stay, I had to get her out. Guess I'd have to stay away from that place for a while. As soon as we made it to the car, which I'd parked a couple of blocks away, in an empty street, I let her go, her back against the door, my arms on both sides of her just in case she still wanted to go after someone.

"Alison, what the hell?" I said, confused, "What happened in there?"

Her eyes were still dull, her chest heaving ever-so-slightly. "I - I'm sorry, Colby, I - I thought it was going to be fine today -"

I sighed, tracing the side of her face with my palm. "Don't be sorry, okay? Just, explain, please."

She grimaced. "A couple of weeks ago I found out I had a - craving for, um, human blood. I tried to wait it out but it never went away."

I frowned. "How have you been feeding?" Fuck, did she actually kill someone while she stayed alone? I thought the patrols I set by her place were to protect her, not to protect people from her. My role as Alpha of the pack that protected people from blood-suckers and the urge to side with her conflicted.

"Alice," she breathed, "She's been getting me bags of blood. Don't worry, I didn't hurt anyone. Not yet anyway."

I kissed her forehead. "Let's go somewhere else," I whispered, "Somewhere isolated."

She sighed. "I don't wanna be like that," she said, "I want to be able to go out, normally."

I smiled. "Don't worry," I said, "You'll get better at this. But maybe we should postpone tomorrow's trip to Canada, to see your father."

"Colby.." her voice broke. She really wanted this.

I couldn't imagine what it must have been like for her - being ripped away from every reality she ever knew and placed in a whole new place with a whole new identity and traits within a couple of months - but the way the brightness in her eyes dulled out every time she remembered how she was now alone, that she scared her mother off and her father was leading a better, more stable life without her, shattered me internally. It was unfair for her to bear this, and absolutely miraculous at the same time. She never whined, nor did she break down. I admired that in her. I admired her strength and ability to co-exist with her present, but I knew that somewhere deep inside, she just wanted everything to go back the way it was before she started changing.

I really wanted to make it up to her - to take her see her dad, to make sure she was never alone, and never felt as lonely as you would expect her to. It was confusing, to me, how held together she was. It was both confusing and utterly scary; I feared the day everything she was trying so hard to maintain crumbled to pieces and broke her down.

"I'm sorry," I said, running my hand on her hair, "I'm really sorry, Alison. I promise-"

"Please don't," she breathed, breaking eye contact with me.

"Allie.."

"Seriously," she gently pushed my arms away and opened the door to the Ferrari, "Don't promise me anything. I'll end up ruining it anyway."

I shut her door and hopped in from the other side. I pushed my seat back and pulled her towards me. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't lie to her and tell her I knew exactly what was going to happen and that it was going to be okay. All I could really promise her was to do my best not to fuck her life up even more, so I just held her. She rested her head on my shoulder and clung to my shirt for dear life. I could feel her breaths becoming rigid, out of pattern, but she wasn't crying. She was trying so hard to hold the tears back she was basically choking on them. "It's okay to cry," I whispered into her hair, "Life's fucked up anyway."

She sniffed, kicking off her shoes, curling her legs beneath her. "I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this." Her voice was almost inaudible.

"Look, Allie," I rubbed her arms, "I don't have to deal with anything," I said, "Imprinting doesn't force you to do anything, or to love anyone," I explained, "It just, like, points you in the right direction, y'know? I know I'm supposed to be with you, but it's not because of imprinting that I love everything about you. It's not because of imprinting that I care about you, or want to be with you till the end of time," I said, "It's because I, Colby, the person - not the wolf - know, for a fact, that I am absolutely in love with everything that is you, Alison."

It was about time someone pointed that out to her. I didn't want her to feel like she was a burden, or that I would leave if I was given a choice because I do have a choice and I choose to stay. She slid her hands up my chest and onto my neck, tracing the veins, taunting me. "How can you love me," she breathed against my ear, "When I don't even know who I am anymore?" she said, "When I'm an undefined mess?" she kissed me along my hairline and it was getting difficult to concentrate. "When I'm not even sure I like my new self?" she brought her lips to mine and kissed me, once, when I was just about to speak.

I carried her from her seat and onto my lap, devouring her lips. All the words I wanted to say, all the feelings that were surging through my body, I transmitted to hers. Her hands were dug into my hair, mine freeing hers and on her bottom, pulling her closer and closer to me, wishing for just one moment, the universe would ignore all the physical laws just to let us mold into one body. She unbuttoned my shirt half-way down as we kissed, moving her lips away from mine and down my jaw-line. I never got tired, but she managed to knock the breath out of me, "I love you," I said, panting as she moved her lips on my collarbone and to my shoulders, "Even when you can't figure out who- who you are," I breathed, she unbuttoned the rest of my shirt, pushing it aside, running her hands down my chest. I snuck my hand into the hem of her pants, pulling her shirt out, feeling her back. The way her skin felt beneath my hands and her hands on me forced a soft growl in the back of my throat. I remember a voice so far in the back of my head, telling me to concentrate - to think - but I couldn't. All the feelings I have had for her for the past months and everything that was instinctive to me took over.

She moved to kiss my lips again, moaning into my mouth, one last time before she stopped, resting her hands on my chest, looking at me straight in the eyes. I didn't take my hands off her bare back; I massaged her a little and she took a deep breath. "Colby," she breathed, licking her lips, "Move in with me." I chuckled. She must have been kidding. I took her bottom lip into my mouth and sucked on it a little. She kissed me back, briefly, before stopping me with a finger on my mouth. "I'm serious. Let's live together."

I sighed. "Alison.."

"Don't you want to live with me?" she said, tilting her head, "We could do this-" she ran her hands up and down my body "-or more, you know."

I took my hands off of her slowly. "Allie," I said, "You know that's not why I would want to live with you." It wasn't the only reason anyway. "I do want to be with you every second of every day.."

"But?"

I grimaced. "But I want it to be right," I said, "You've had enough rushing of everything already, no need to rush you some more."

She turned and slid back into her seat, looking down at her hands, crossing her legs. "Look," she looked back to me. "I don't see the point of taking things slow," she said, shrugging, "I'm completely alone - I don't have anyone but you. I try to handle my own shit," she said, "But apparently, I can't. I need you," she sighed, "I need you there, all the time. I need you, Colby."

How could I say no to that? How could I bring myself to oppose everything I felt like doing for what was right? For a moment, I wondered who got to decide what was right and what wasn't, but I knew. I knew I couldn't overwhelm her even more. I couldn't do that to her, even if it would feel so much better if I went home every day to her. She needed support, she needed family. I could do my best, but it would never be enough, no matter what she says now. "I'll always be there for you," I stated, "And we will move in together, somewhere alone, some day, I know that for a fact," I said, "But right now, let's just think of something more convenient."

"Convenient?"

"Come live at my house," I suggested, "With my whole family there. They love you - Mom thinks of you as her own, you know that," I said, "We'll still be close, and you won't have to be alone," I said, "School's coming up, and if you want, you could still go - sure, you'd have to skip a couple of years, but you could take the semester off and Edward could help you out with the material - Alison, we could-"

She held her hand up and turned to face the window. "Never mind," she said, "Forget I asked."

"But-"

"Colby," she said, her tone serious, "You don't want us to live together yet," she said, "That's okay. Let's go home or something."

"Do you want to stay alone?" I asked, fed up. I knew her. I knew how she was. I know she got upset over the slightest little thing, but I just couldn't stand it anymore. I couldn't accept how unwilling she was to listen sometimes. "Is that what you really want, Alison? Just stay at home, doing absolutely nothing, with no one to even be with when I'm not around." She winced, but I was too angry to stop. I was buttoning my shirt as I spoke. "Instead of actually considering possible alternatives, you shut me out. And it's not like I'm rejecting you," I said, "I'm looking out for you. I want the best for you."

"The best for me?" she exclaimed, "Why do you get to decide what is best for me? When are you going to just stop treating me like a fucking child?"

"I don't think of you as a child. I -"

"But you treat me like one," she said, running her hands through her hair, "You know, just because I admit to needing you doesn't mean I'm some vulnerable little girl who has daddy issues and is coming to confide in you."

"I never said that," I said, "I never thought less of you just because you said you needed me, Alison." I reached out to touch her shoulder but she flinched. She stayed silent for a while, but I could see tears silently streaming down her face. It broke my heart.

"Do you know why it's just," she cleared her throat and looked at me - her lips puffy and pink, her eyes hidden behind her tears, "So fucking difficult for me to just," she took a deep breath, "Like, let go? Not worry about what you might think of me - trust you when you say you love me nevertheless? Believe you when you say it's okay?"

I stayed silent.

"Because I'm just," she covered her mouth with her hand, holding back a sob, "So afraid - so absolutely terrified that one day," she clutched her hands into tight fists, "I'll wake up, and you'll be gone. I will have pushed you away so hard even the magic shit couldn't get you to stay," she said, "I will lose you, forever, and it would be my fault," she bit her lips, "Because if I couldn't be good enough of a person to convince my parents to stay with me, to support me, not to even consider moving away to be with their soulmate for me, their own flesh and blood, the person they raised for thirteen years," she said, "Then what's there to guarantee the same wouldn't happen with you? I try," she took another deep breath, "To handle things. I wanted you to move in with me because I thought that would be the least damage possible to us. You wouldn't have to go out of your way to be there for me, always, and I wouldn't have to go through all the hassle that is dating just to be with you, like I want to."

Wait, what? "You don't want us to date?"

"I-" she took yet another deep breath, wiping her own tears, "I want to be with you," she said, "You are my everything," she added, "And maybe I'm not ready to say it yet, maybe I don't know if that overwhelming feeling every time I see you, or even hear about you, is love, because everything is so confusing right now," she said, "But you are my whole world, and not by elimination - you mean everything to me. I breathe you," she said, "I want you to be around all the time," she added, "But I don't want to go through the whole phases of dating thing with you, when we both know we want to be together," she said, "I am so damn exhausted, I don't want to feel like I'm, in the slightest way, pretending around you. I want every day with you to be the same way it was this morning - easy, relaxed, perfect."

"Then move in with me, at my house, with my family," I suggested again, my voice softer.

She shook her head. "You're the only person I can truly relax around, for now at least," she breathed, "I love Nessie, and Sarah, and your dad is awesome," she said, "But, please Colby, please."

"There's this cottage," I said, "That's not very far from my house - it used to belong to my grandparents, but they don't live there anymore," I explained, "We could stay there, both of us. I'll move my stuff. We'll be alone, if you're not comfortable around other people, and we could spend our afternoons at the other house, with everyone else - at least you'll have somewhere to be when I'm not around, and vice versa, and you wouldn't be near so many humans," I suggested, "How does that sound to you?"

"Will that be okay with them?" she asked, "More importantly, do you want this? You're not just saying that because you feel bad for me?"

She had a long way to go if she was ever going to trust me completely. "I'm positive they'll be fine with it," I promised.

"I would really love that, Colby," she breathed.

I pecked her beautiful lips. "Now," I said, "Are you ready to take this baby for a spin?"

That was..intense.. ._.
Anyway, there you go! Review review review pleaase vv