Chapter 24. (late February)
...
"circus life.."
…
[Saturday, evening]
Puck and Rachel come back five minutes later, and Finn can't help but notice that Rachel's hair is a bit messier than when she went into the kitchen. But he might just be being paranoid. The amount of time he agonizes over the question of 'how far they've gone' could fill a book. Hopefully he'll find out when they play 'Never Have I Ever', although he's not sure he wants to know.
Rachel's carrying a big plastic bag full of those awesome little airplane cups and a weird thermos, and Puck's got two water bottles full of brown and amber liquid tucked under his arms, a pitcher of clear liquid that Finn assumes is vodka in one hand, and a bottle of cranberry juice in the other.
"So let's start with Never Have I Ever," Santana says, taking the cups, pitcher and juice and expertly filling glasses.
"Um some of us aren't partiers and have no idea what you're talking about," Mercedes says, her attitude heavy.
"It's easy," Mike explains, turning towards the group, "We all sit in a circle around the floor and hold up 10 fingers. We take turns saying 'Never Have I Ever' statements- so I could say something like, 'Never Have I Ever broken a bone,' and everyone who has broken a bone has to take a sip of their drink and put down a finger."
He starts pushing the furniture against the walls again with Matt and Finn, while Puck helps Santana with the drinks, and the rest of the girls (and Kurt) stand around uncomfortably.
"And when it's your turn, you don't have to say something that you've actually never done," Brittany's comically deadpan voice adds, "Like I could say, 'Never Have I Ever made out with my cousin,' but then just take a drink after and put down one finger. Because I actually have made out with my cousin, and I just want to know if anyone else has too."
Finn exchanges glances with a couple of people in the ensuing awkward silence.
"Anyways," Kurt says loudly and slowly as he sits down criss cross applesauce style, "I think we understand the premise, shall we get started?"
The rest of them follow suit, making an uneven circle. Finn sits between Mike and Artie, and straight across from Rachel so he can keep a sharp eye on all of her reactions. Never Have I Ever is a revealing game.
"I brought some green tea down as well," Rachel offers, holding up her thermos so that everyone can see it, "If anyone else would prefer to have their cocktails virgin like me."
No one takes her up on her offer, and Puck and Santana pass their own concoction to everyone else.
"Never Have I Ever stolen something," Matt starts, keeping all 10 fingers up so everyone can see.
Finn gingerly takes a small sip of his drink along with Puck, Brittany, and Santana. Rachel's eyes bulge out of their sockets as she gives him a judgmental look.
"Well we can't exactly be expected to buy alcohol for parties.." he mutters, while Rachel shakes her head disappointedly.
"Are we going clockwise or counterclockwise?" Kurt asks, as he's to the left of Matt.
"It doesn't matter just go," Santana orders, obviously impatient to get sloshed.
"Fine," Kurt answers, rolling his eyes, "Never Have I Ever skipped school," he says.
Finn takes a sip along with everybody else besides Rachel and Kurt.
"Never Have I Ever been kissed," Mercedes says quietly, and everyone else besides Kurt puts down a finger and drinks.
"Never Have I Ever had sex," Brittany goes, before taking a comically large gulp of her drink.
Finn clenches his teeth as his eyes zoom on Rachel. Her hands don't move an inch towards her drink. He's never felt so relieved in his life- she hasn't done it with Puck. He could clap for joy and praise the heavens if he weren't in front of people.
He looks around the circle and sees only Puck, Brittany, Santana, and Mike drink. He glances at Artie and Tina and wonders randomly if Artie's, err, equipment works, or if God screwed him in that department too.
"Never Have I Ever gotten so drunk that I blacked out and couldn't remember shit from the night before," Santana goes, taking another huge sip of her drink and adding, "Actually, I hope that happens tonight."
Brittany, Puck, Quinn, Mike, and Matt all drink and put down fingers, but Finn doesn't, cuz when he gets totally wasted he just gets really sick and his stomach goes all nasty, he's never blacked out before.
"Never Have I Ever done something I regret," Puck says laughingly, before finishing off his drink and refilling it.
Everyone drinks. Finn looks at Rachel and wonders what her regrets are. All of his involve not making his move with her when he had the chance.
"Never Have I Ever slushied anyone," says Rachel quietly.
Puck pats her knee comfortingly as he takes a drink along with the guilty Finn, Matt, and Mike.
Finn's starting to feel floaty which means he's on his way to getting drunk. He looks down at his hands and realizes he only has 5 fingers left. He's never really thought of himself as a bad kid before, but now that he's faced with these self-examining questions, he wonders if maybe there's a good reason Rachel doesn't want to be with him after all. Would he ever be able to forgive someone who had thrown slushies in his face once? But then he looks over at Puck's hand on Rachel's (freaking perfect, tan and slim) leg, and remembers that Rachel's the most forgiving person he knows, and that he must have hurt her in a way worse than some sticky ice cold goop in the face.
"Never Have I Ever strayed from my religious beliefs," Quinn says, taking a small and guilty sip from her drink.
Finn doesn't drink. He's not the most religious dude on the planet, so he doesn't really have any beliefs to stray from in the first place. But he does catch Quinn giving him a significant look, as if it's his fault they went to third base and she likes being a bitch and getting drunk. Which it so isn't.
"Never Have I Ever Peed in a public pool," Tina says, leaving her drink three feet away from her. A lot of them are starting to get tipsy, so there's a lot of drunken giggling after this one.
Brittany, and all the guys besides Kurt take sips of their drinks. Puck's down to one finger.
"Never Have I Ever cheated on someone I was dating," Artie says, giving Tina a toothy grin.
Finn swallows, so hard that his adam's apple bobs painfully in his throat.
Fuck. He doesn't like this game. Everyone looks at each other suspensively. Puck shrugs and polishes off the last of his second drink while everyone else remains still. Finn tries to stealthily take a tiny sip of his drink but of course he's so nervous that he sloshes it all over the collar of his striped polo shirt and everyone turns to look at him judgmentally.
Quinn's hazel eyes burn as she watches him blush furiously.
Rachel's looking guiltily down at her hands in her lap, and it only takes a second for Quinn's eyes to dart suspiciously from the small brunette to his red face.
"Do not tell me..." Quinn says dangerously, leaving the sentence hanging while shooting daggers at Rachel with her eyes.
"No fucking way," Puck says darkly, his forehead wrinkling ominously.
"I plead the first," Finn responds quietly.
Rachel recovers enough from her mortification to correct him, "The fifth, you mean."
"Yeah," he mumbles slowly, looking around desperately for someone to save him.
"Puck won," Brittany finally says, her eyes on Puck's hands, blissfully unaware of all the sub-text that just went on in the previous interaction, "Let's play spin the bottle."
"Sounds good to me!" Finn says, his voice cracking because of his nerves and fake enthusiasm, "Who wants to go first?"
He actually hates spin the bottle, cuz he's not that smooth of an operator when it's just him and a girl alone, so he's a thousand times more oafish when there's an audience. But there's actually a small flame of hope burning inside him that maybe, he'll get the chance to kiss Rachel.
Santana rolls her eyes and takes an empty water bottle lying to her right.
"As the resident slut I feel it's my duty," she says proudly, getting up on her knees to spin the bottle in the middle of the circle.
"Wait, wait we need ground rules," Artie says, stopping Santana before she can spin, "How long do the kisses have to last? Open or closed mouthed? What should the people who are in relationships do? Opposite-sex kisses only or same-sex too?"
Santana looks around deviously, and then spews out the rules like a pro "Three seconds at least, must be open-mouthed, unless you're already dating someone else, in which case you can keep your mouth closed. And same sex kisses are definitely allowed."
The way she's on her hands her knees and the way her boobs are hanging out of her low cut tank top, are making some of the guys ogle. But Finn only has eyes for Rachel, who's looking extremely uncomfortable about the idea of spin the bottle.
Which turns out to be a valid concern when Santana spins the bottle and it lands directly pointed on Rachel.
Rachel's mouth opens into a perfect O while all the guys start whooping and Quinn, Mercedes and Kurt laugh.
Finn has to bite back a smile as he watches Rachel go off on a rant about how she doesn't think she'll play and how'd she'd rather be a 'moderator'- whatever the hell that is.
Santana looks like she's having fun with this as she slowly crawls towards Rachel, an amused smile on her face.
"Come on Berry," Santana says, once she's sitting in front of the horrified Rachel, "It's just a kiss. Besides, you're dating Puck so I won't even use tongue. Just close your eyes and pretend I'm your boyfriend."
Rachel turns to Puck for back up, but Puck just looks like Christmas has come early and is eagerly watching the two, his mouth open and on the verge of drooling.
Santana raises an eyebrow as Rachel shakes her head furiously from left to right.
"No," Rachel spurts, "There's absolutely no way that I'm doing this. I'm sorry but I refuse to take part in something that is anti-feminist in its objectification of the female form and-"
"So you're scared," Santana challenges.
"I'm not scared," Rachel answers, "I just don't approve of such a promiscuous display of something highly sexual in nature and nonconformist to my identity."
"Do you have something against homosexuality?" Kurt asks.
"Of course not!" Rachel responds in a high pitched voice, "Are you forgetting my familial situation? It's just.." she pauses to come up with a good defense, "So if you have to have your first kiss be with a girl tonight you're telling me you won't have a problem with it?"
"Well I will, but I'll be a good sport about it," Kurt responds, "And this isn't your first kiss."
"Whatever," Santana says, leaning back and crossing her arms, "Rachel's obviously a prude and a party pooper, who's afraid of leaving her comfort zone."
Rachel glares at Santana for a quick instant before leaning in, squeezing her eyes shut, pinching her lips together, and placing them on Santana's for a split-second before moving back to her seat.
Everyone looks on in total shock at the 'blink and you'll miss it' moment.
"You're forgetting the three second rule Berry," Santana says, putting both hands on Rachel's shoulders and pursing her lips as she goes in for the kill.
Finn feels like he's being hypnotized as he watches Rachel's eyes shoot open and then squint closed as she keeps her lips tightly shut.
Holy crap. Finn knows he should be really turned on right now, and yeah okay, he's half hard, but more than anything he's kinda jealous of Santana.
"Happy?" Rachel pouts, as she backs away after three seconds and crosses her arms sullenly.
"Yeah," Puck answers slowly, even though Rachel wasn't asking him. Santana smirks and goes back to her seat.
"Your turn babe," Puck says, elbowing Rachel lightly in the ribcage.
Finn feels his breath hitch in his throat as Rachel makes her way over to the middle of the circle to spin the bottle. He silently prays that it will land on him and kissing him will make all of her once strong feelings for him come racing back so everything can be good and dandy again. He watches her like a hawk as she tests the weight of the bottle in her fingers carefully, as if calculating if she can somehow rig it to land on the person she wants it too.
Turns out Rachel's either a certified genius or just lucky because when the bottle stops it's pointing at Puck. Everyone laughs except him, because it feels like his heart just dropped to the bottom of his stomach- and he has two cupcakes, three cookies, a brownie, and some hard liquor in there, so it's not a good feeling whatsoever.
Rachel smiles briskly as she goes back to her original seat and Finn has to look away. When he does, he notices Quinn looking darkly at the pair. Is she still mad about finding out that he probably cheated on her with Rachel? Or is there something else...
He finds out in the next minute when Puck spins the bottle and it lands on Finn's blonde ex-girlfriend.
Puck looks at Rachel before crossing over to Quinn, and Rachel gives Puck a slight nod to show him she's okay with it.
Quinn appears to be extremely nervous as Puck situates himself in front of her, but as he brings his head towards her, Quinn's eyelids close heavily and her lips open generously. As everyone registers the chemistry between the two, they're suddenly full on making out, with tongue and everything.
When Finn looks over to Rachel to see her reaction to the seriously steamy kiss, he's surprised to see that she's watching him, as if trying to read what he thinks about his ex-girlfriend kissing his best friend. It's right then that Finn realizes that no matter how hard Rachel pretends that she's over him, she's not. And this makes him smile.
...
Rachel looks away quickly as Finn flashes her that million dollar crooked grin. She thinks boys that have been blessed with such irresistible smiles should be locked away in underground cells so that they can't tamper with the resolve of vulnerable girls like herself.
When she tears her gaze away from him, she realizes that everyone's staring at her carefully, as if they're waiting for her to blow up. Did she miss something? She looks to the center of the circle and sees Puck and Quinn's flushed faces and intense eyelock.
It phases her when she realizes that she doesn't feel even a hint of jealousy. Shouldn't she be upset that her boyfriend just shared an overtly meaningful kiss with the most beautiful girl at the school? She furrows her brow in frustration, which is the reaction that everyone's waiting for. What they don't know is that it was instigated by an entirely different reason than they think.
After a few more spins, Quinn and Artie have had an uncomfortable kiss, Artie and Tina have had a ridiculously sweet one, Tina and Mike have had a suspiciously hot one, and Mercedes is about to get her first kiss from one Mike Chang.
"Ahh so much pressure!" Mike says, cracking his neck and rolling his shoulders as he settles himself in front of Mercedes. Everyone laughs at the exaggerated preparation, and it lightens the mood a little bit. It also helps that a lot of them are drunk.
The kiss is short and tame, cuz Mercedes is a little nervous, but it's cute.
And then Mercedes hits Brittany, which is a whole nother 10 kinds of awkward, because Brittany gets really into it because, well, it's Brittany, and Mercedes just looks like she wants to get the hell out of there.
After that Brittany hits Kurt, and the kiss is pretty much just a repeat of the one between Britt and Mercedes.
And then Kurt hits Matt, and Matt is actually pretty cool about it, he just closes his eyes for the three second peck and it's done.
It's at the point when Matt and Santana start making out heavily that Rachel begins to wonder when it's going be Finn's turn because Santana's got to go twice now and the bottle hasn't even landed on him yet.
So of course when Santana spins the bottle it hits Finn.
Rachel's eyes shoot towards Finn and watch him alertly as his face glows red with embarrassment.
That green monster jealousy spreads its wing and blows fire in her as Santana straddles Finn's lap, puts her hands around his neck, and spreads his lips apart with her tongue. Finn's hands awkwardly flatten on the sides of Santana's waist as Santana seems to try eat Finn's lips for dinner. Rachel's hands ball up in little fists, but she can't look away, it's like being mesmerized by a car crash or a burning building.
Matt lets out a crude, "Yeeaa-yuhhhh" and the rest of the group laugh loudly until Finn finally pushes Santana off him.
"Mmmm," Santana smiles lewdly, "Why haven't we ever done that before?" she asks Finn, who's wiping her spit off his mouth.
Quinn clears her throat loudly and Santana looks over her shoulder.
"Oh yeah," Santana responds, not missing a beat with her usual careless bitchiness.
Rachel doesn't know why it was so painful to watch that, but she thinks maybe she isn't as 'over' Finn as she's been trying to tell herself she is.
And then Finn spins the bottle, and it's like Rachel knows what's going to happen before it stops.
She takes a steadying breath as she looks at the mouth of the bottle pointing directly at her. She's not sure if the room is actually silent or if her ears have just stopped working. This is exactly what she was afraid of.
Finn gets up on his feet, and slowly walks over to Rachel. As he sits down though, Quinn gives a sudden sob and runs up the stairs and into the main part of the house.
"Shit," Finn curses, running his hands through his hair guiltily, looking at the door at the top of the stairs that just slammed shut.
"Dude," Puck says, getting up to follow Quinn but turning to Finn before he walks out, "That was fucked up man," he looks at the small distance between Finn and Rachel, "Don't do anything stupid while I go find her."
Rachel's not sure who he's specifying that to.
"Let's just get this over with," she mutters, stretching her neck towards him to show him that she's ready.
She closes her eyes and conjures up an image of the football coach and his greasy, blotchy red skin and fat bulges to thoroughly turn herself off. But then Finn's wonderfully soft lips are pressing against hers in the most gentle kiss imaginable, and despite her reservations, her lips move to reciprocate. He opens his mouth and captures her top lip in another, harder kiss, and she no longer feels like she's sitting on the ground in a room full of people, but rather that she's hovering up on top of a rainbow in a vibrant azure sky, muddled in perfection.
Knowing more than three seconds have passed, she forces herself to return to reality and removes her lips from Finn's.
She can feel Finn follow her lips as she tries to break the kiss, knowing his neck is jutting out because he's so reluctant to end the intimate contact.
She opens her eyes slowly, and sees that Finn's are still closed. There's a crease between his eyebrows, and his lips are still open- looking like the kiss was too meaningful to let go of, like he's trying to hold on to the last vestiges of the sensation. She knows this because that's exactly how she feels.
"Whoa," Brittany's voice pierces through the frozen silence. Even the girl with the lowest IQ in the room can see how intense that was, even if it was shorter and less saliva ridden then some of the previous kisses.
"Excuse me," Rachel says suddenly, getting up onto her feet and running to the nearest bathroom before the entire group can see the tears cleaved on to her eyelashes.
Locking the door, she quickly swipes the tears off her face and runs the water in the sink. She looks at her shaken reflection in the mirror before splashing cold water on her burning face and neck.
Her head is such a jumble of discordant thoughts and emotions, that after drying off her face she sits down on the cold tiled floor and hugs her knees to her body, trying to think clearly. If this night has proven anything to her, it's that she's still in love with Finn. More than anything, she just wants to find Puck, tell him to go after Quinn (since there's obviously something going on there too) so she and Finn can have a real shot. But she doesn't like what Finn does to her, she doesn't like relinquishing control of herself, and putting it entirely in the hands of someone who's demonstrated his unreliability.
Time can heal anything, she tells herself, just give it a few more weeks and you'll get over him. You have to.
...
[Sunday, early morning]
Finn tosses and turns on the Berry's big leather couch. He was stuck with it because no one wanted to share a bed with him cuz he's "too huge" and he'd "steal all the covers with his giganticness" and he didn't fit in any of the sleeping bags. It's actually pretty comfortable though, just a little narrow. But he still can't fall asleep, because his lips are still burning from that kiss earlier. And the knowledge that Rachel is just a staircase and a door away from him, in her pyjamas, all alone in her big bed, is making him a little.. tight down there.
He lifts his head and looks around the big, dark house. Everyone's either upstairs or in the basement, and peacefully sleeping off all the alcohol they drank. Quietly, he slips his hands in his boxers and imagines Rachel, in some hot little sleeping outfit, as he leans back and gently starts stroking.
A couple minutes later he's holding back grunts when a loud creak comes from the staircase. He gets scared shitless and jumps, falling off the couch in the process and hitting his funny bone on the coffee table.
"Shit!" he mutters, as he rubs his elbow and a blinding white light hits his eyes.
"Finn?" he hears Rachel's voice ask, and he gets on his feet (glad that his injury settled down the previous extremely excited Finn jr.)
"What were you doing?" she asks slowly, as he squints while his eyes adjust to the light.
"Nothing," he answers quickly, "Just trying to fall asleep. And then I heard something and it scared me. It's dark okay? A lot of horror movies start out with like, blizzards and shit like this."
Rachel lets out a giggle before apologizing, "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I just couldn't fall asleep so I decided to come down for some soy milk."
Finn can't help but nod dumbly, because he can see clearly now, and he likes what he's seeing a lot. Rachel's dressed in a tiny white tank top that doesn't leave much to imagination and matching pink short shorts that are hanging very low on her hips. A few of inches of flat, tan, smooth stomach are peeking through, and he's forgotten how to breathe. His eyes make their way back up the visible outline of her small, but naturally perfect breasts, and he licks his dry lips unconsciously.
"Finn?" he hears the echo of Rachel's voice through the fog in his brain.
He shakes his head firmly as he brings his gaze back up to her eyes.
"Sorry what?" he asks stupidly.
"I asked if you wanted any milk too..." she raises an eyebrow in confusion at his being even slower than usual.
"Oh um, yeah, totally," he answers, feeling like the biggest drooling idiot in the entire world. But then he catches her staring at his bicep as he scratches his head, and he thinks maybe he's not the only who's got it bad. He's just the only one who isn't lying about it to himself.
But he's not gonna try anything yet, he doesn't want to risk their friendship until he's sure that whatever he decides to pull off can win her over for good.
Pulling up a stool next to the big marble island in the middle of the kitchen, he watches Rachel prepare the two mugs of soy milk attentively.
Every time she moves, he thinks it looks like a poetic dance or something, cuz her movements are so smooth and delicate, yet there's this powerful strength to them at the same time. It reminds him of an animal channel special on gazelles he saw once.
"Do you want me to microwave yours?" she asks, turning to look at him over her shoulder, "It's surprisingly delicious, and the heat will very likely help spur on the sleep that's been eluding you."
"Sure," he answers.
She pops open the microwave and places each mug in it carefully, before pressing a few buttons. As she waits for them to heat up she begins cleaning the counter with a dishtowel. She starts humming a tune he recognizes, and then begins singing softly.
"And if the snow buries my,
my neighbourhood.
And if my parents are crying
then I'll dig a tunnel
from my window to yours,
yeah a tunnel from my window to yours."
He knows this song. So he jumps in-
"You climb out the chimney
and meet me in the middle,
the middle of the town."
She turns around and gives him one of her million dollar smiles that animate her whole face before taking the next verse, the dishtowel forgotten as she leans towards him over the other side of the kitchen island, unknowingly defining the top curves of her boobs.
"And since there's no one else around,
we let our hair grow long
and forget all we used to know,
then our skin gets thicker
from living out in the snow."
He starts singing the chorus lightly, but while looking at her intently.
"You change all the lead
sleepin' in my head to gold,
as the day grows dim,
I hear you sing a golden hymn,
the song I've been trying to sing."
He skips to the last part, cuz he can't remember the other lyrics.
"Purify the colours, purify my mind."
She joins him softly, and their voices blend together effortlessly.
"Purify the colours, purify my mind,
and spread the ashes of the colours
Over this heart of mine.."
...
"You listen to Arcade Fire?" Finn asks once they've finished.
"Finn, I want to make a career out of music," she informs him, "That requires a certain caliber of musical education. I'm sure my itunes library is twice the size of the entire football team's put together."
"Yeah, I guess that makes sense," he answers, smiling at her goofily.
They smile at eachother for awhile, before she remembers the milk, long since ready to be drunk. She turns back around to fetch them, marveling at the fact that she didn't even register the loud beeping noise that was supposed to notify her of the microwave's completion, because she was so engrossed in Finn's singing.
She hands a mug to Finn and takes a seat next to him. She takes a dainty sip while Finn downs half his drink in one gulp.
It's times like these where she realizes just how different they really are. Opposites even.
"You know, our friendship is kind of odd," she pipes up, voicing her thoughts.
He looks at her, confused.
"I mean, we're such opposites you know?" she elaborates.
He thinks about this a little, and then quirks that little angelic smile of his, with the sides curling up just so.
"But opposites attract right?" he says teasingly.
She slaps him playfully on the chest.
"Think about it though," she goes on, "Theoretically speaking we shouldn't be able to stand each other. You're quiet and I'm loud, you just want to blend while I like to stand out, you're passive and I'm assertive-"
"I'm big you're little," he throws in, a little proud that he can keep up with her.
Rachel feels a smile creep up, "Yeah," she says.
A hazy light has begun to infiltrate the downstairs, and when Rachel looks outside she sees the early morning sun is shining brightly, while the snow piled up around the house is already beginning to diminish.
"Looks like the snow's melting," she says, turning back to Finn.
He's not looking out the window, but straight at her.
"Yeah," he answers, "Looks like it is."
...
A/N:
I forgot to write that the song used in Chapter 21 was A Fine Frenzy's Almost Lover! Although a lot of you already knew that :)
The one used in this chapter is Arcade Fire's 'Neighborhoods #1 (Tunnels)'.
Also someone asked how long I'm planning this story to be, and the answer to that is: probably around 45 chapters. I know, it's a monster! But I love long fics (& there aren't enough Finchel sagas out there) and I hope you guys do too :)