Jude watched as Connor turned the brown box over and over in his hands. Finally, Connor looked straight into the webcam and sighed.

"This box has been sitting under my bed for three days, because you said I can't open it until you were able to watch me."

Jude shrugged unapologetically. "I had to see your face."

"Well, here it is," Connor grinned. "Right, baby girl?"

Maia, more focused on her bottle than her father, didn't react, but Connor was just happy that she was there and awake.

"Go ahead and open it," Jude encouraged.

He watched Connor slit open the top of the box and fold the top flaps down. He felt giddy as Connor pulled out the object he'd wrapped in brown paper and sent off only a few days before. It had been agony not telling Connor about the contents, or even that he'd sent the box at all. He was so excited about the contents of the box that he could barely contain himself, but he'd wanted to surprise Connor with it. In order to control himself, he'd taken to talking to Maia about it every night.

Connor ripped the brown paper away, and his entire face changed as he took in what he was holding.

"No way!" He gasped, and then he looked straight into the webcam. "This is real?"

"It'll be on shelves next week!"

Connor was rendered utterly speechless as he touched the cover of the glossy book Jude had sent him. The thick paper that was wrapped around the hardcover book slipped slightly under his fingertips. Connor traced his index finger along the white letters that spelled out Jude's name. At the very top of the cover, white letters written in the same font boasted the title "THE FOSTERS". That had remained unchanged since Jude had started writing the book. The cover wasn't a family portrait, not like Connor had picked out when he had printed one of Jude's old drafts for his Christmas present. Instead, Jude's publishing company had chosen a picture of the Adams-Foster home. The white house that had filled his teenage years gleamed at him. Staring at the picture, Connor could almost believe that thirteen-year-old Jude was slumped inside, Callie hovering over his shoulder, while Mariana and Jesus sniped at one another and Brandon played the piano; Stef would be teasing Lena who would be trying to cook dinner. Staring at the picture of the house, Connor could let himself be taken back to years ago, and it was almost bittersweet.

"I'm so proud of you," he whispered finally, looking up at Jude. "I wish I could be there to celebrate it with you."

"Check the bottom of the box," Jude told him.

Connor glanced down, moving the brown paper out of the way so that he could see into the little box once more. He spotted it then – a square wrapped in colourful foil. It was a well-known fact that Jude was a chocoholic. His favourite brand of chocolate was expensive though, and he'd only been able to buy it a few times. They had it the day after Connor had come home. It had been Jude's graduation present from Connor. The last time they had it was the day that they had been told Maia's adoption was officially going through, and that she was going to be theirs. He picked up the midsized square of chocolate in his hands, watching as Jude held up his own chocolate.

"We can celebrate together."

Together, they unwrapped their chocolates – a world away from one another but still entirely in sync. Connor waited until the chocolate had completely melted on his tongue (to do otherwise would be blasphemy), and then he said, "I can't wait until I finally get to read this thing cover to cover."

"Don't get your expectations up too high," Jude warned him.

"I know you're great," Connor said quickly. "I just can't wait to read the parts about me. I want to know what's so horrible that you withheld them from me."

"I basically call you the worst thing that's ever happened to me." Jude smiled, humour bright on his face. "That's why I waited until you went back overseas to have it published."

"Well, in that case …" Connor trailed off. He cracked open the book, the crisp white pages parting stiffly. Jude had let him read bits and piece of the manuscript as he'd been writing, but he'd never let Connor read anything about himself. He flipped through the pages with ease, leading up to Jude's first day at Anchor Beach – it was hard to believe that it had been eleven years since Jude had entered his life.

"No!" Jude whined. "It's too embarrassing."

"Embarrassing? Hmm." Connor flipped past Jude's first day, skipping around as he found the bit about his first deployment.

"What part are you reading?" Jude demanded, and Maia squalled in his arms.

Connor opened his mouth to start reading out the words on the page, but he became too absorbed to comment. It had been a long time since the people in my life were transient. Since I was thirteen years old, I'd had utter stability in my life. That's not to say there weren't ups and downs, but I always had my Moms right there; my brothers and sisters by my side; and, of course, Connor. So when he told me that he had joined the army – that he was deploying the next day – I had no idea how to react. The whole world seemed to go quiet; quieter than I had been for the past five years. So, I did the only logical thing that a person could do: I kept painting his nails. I painted his nails and I focused on the fact that he was right there and his hand was underneath of mine and that, for the rest of that moment, he was beside me and alive. Because even the, the moment after he told me, I was terrified that he was going to die.

Since then, I've always been terrified that he's going to die. I'm still waiting for it to happen. I'm waiting for that call to come in the middle of the night, waiting for the funeral, waiting to sit next to a tombstone instead of a person. Sometimes I dream about it, and that's almost the worst, because it always feels far too real and, when I wake up, it always takes me some time to realize that I did, in fact, wake up and that my reality is one where he is still breathing.

"Jude." Connor looked up, but he had nothing else to say.

"Flip to the very back," Jude instructed. "The last couple of paragraphs of the last chapter."

"What is it?" Connor asked, flipping.

"You're always the one babbling about how great I am. I thought I'd, you know, praise you to the world."

"Okay, here it is." Connor scanned his eyes over the end of the chapter. It had been completely changed since he had left, something Jude had complained about. His editors (or whoever … Connor hadn't entirely nailed down who was who when it came to who was picking at Jude's book) felt that the ending hadn't been dynamic enough.

When you're happy, you never expect it to end. My family, though bigger than it had ever been, also felt closer than before. Mariana had Zac; Jesus had Bianca. Brandon and Callie had David; Connor and I had Maia. Moms, as always, had one another. I thought that it would only get better, because how could it possibly be worse? Of course, happiness can't last as long as we want it too, and the rain does have to come.

Connor was being deployed again. I had two weeks left. It was destroying us both, but we tried not to let each other see it – we tried so hard that when we broke down, it always ended up being the same blubbering mess as before. I would hold him and think that, soon, I would only have phone calls and emails. And, as always, I was worried that he was going to die and that soon, I would have even less than a phone call.

But don't get me wrong – it's not because I underestimate him. It's not because I don't think he's strong. I know that he's strong; stronger than he'll give himself credit for. I know that he will not take anything lying down and I know that he wants to come home to Maia and me more than anything in the world. But Connor is also a protector, more so of us, but he wants to protect everyone (I have a theory that this is the reason why he started talking to me when we were thirteen – because he wanted to protect me). This is what I fear will be his downfall; that he will defend someone who is defenceless and that is how I'll lose him. I have always admired Connor for how he stands up for what is right, because I remember when it was a lesson that he learned. Connor is one of the greatest men that I've ever met, and – just as I was honoured to be his best friend – I am honoured to love him. I am proud of him, I miss him, and I love him.

I love him, I love him, I love him.

And I know that, for Maia and me, he will make it home.

Connor hung his head over the book, rereading the words again and again, trying not to let anyone see the tears that were gathering on his lashes.

"Say something?" Jude finally whispered.

"You make me want to go AWOL and jump on a plane," Connor whispered. He tilted his head and stared at the computer screen, tracing his daughter's dizzy curls with his eyes until he let his gaze travel down to her dark eyes. She was staring back at him, her tongue pushing at her lips.

"As much as I want you to go AWOL and jump on a plane, I think you'll be home soon enough."

"I miss you. And I miss you, baby girl."

"We miss you more," Jude assured him. He held Maia's hand, and helped her wave to Connor.

"I'll see you soon, okay? I love you."

"Love you too."

(-.-)

Connor opened his email, a smile slipping across his face when he saw one from Jude. He clicked on it, unsure of what to suspect. Jude's emails could turn into lengthy novellas or they could be nothing but a hilarious picture he'd spotted on the internet. Today, it was a video. He clicked on it and was greeted with Maia's nursery, clearly being filmed on Jude's phone. The phone swung around so that he was looking down into her crib. Maia was sitting up in her crib, wobbling from side to side.

"She was doing this when I came in to get her!" Jude's voice gushed, hushed so that he didn't bother Maia. "She's learning how to sit up!"

Maia went tilting backward, and the phone dropped down in the crib while Jude grabbed for her. There was no crying noises, so Connor assumed that all went well. He heard Jude talking to her, but he couldn't make out the words. After a few moments, Jude picked the phone up again, pointing it so that Connor's screen was filled with Jude's and Maia's faces.

"Have a good day! We'll talk to you tomorrow!" Jude turned his head toward Maia, whispering in her ear (but loud enough for Connor to hear), "Blow a kiss goodbye. Go like this."

He manipulated Maia's little hand so that it was at her mouth, before he gently pushed it away from her lips, blowing a kiss to Connor. The screen froze like that: Jude's grinning face half-hidden by Maia's wild hair, whose lips were puckered and whose eyes were staring right at him.

"Hey, Stevens." Connor felt someone lean against the back of his chair. "Aww, it's your little girl."

"Yeah," Connor grinned, squinting up at Philip Tyler, someone that he was starting to count as one of his best friends. "She's learning how to sit up by herself."

"She's cute," Tyler commented. "Man, did I tell you Giselle has baby fever? She's already trying to convince me that, the minute I get back, it's time."

"That scares you," Connor observed.

"Kids are scary. I can't imagine having something so tiny rely on me. I'll fuck it up. I know I will."

"It is scary, but I don't think you'll screw it up. I was scared of that too but, she just makes me want to be better."

Tyler laughed, shoving Connor's shoulder with a dark hand. "You're giving me a cavity, man. C'mon, it's time to rock and roll."

Connor took one last look at Maia's and Jude's face to give him strength for the day, before he clicked out of the video, signed out of his email, and followed Tyler.

I don't own anything recognizable.

~TLL~