Tankards and Tempers
Chapter 25 : GROG!
"Hmmmm," Laska told a beaming Lasalla as she put another one of the delicious syrupy breakfast waffles in her mouth, "these are great..."
"I'll bloody say!" Korgan, who was sitting on the other side of the table, agreed.
"Yes, we can all see the sticky syrup in your beard," Viconia grinned. "Will you wash it before we leave, or will you simply lick it off before we leave?"
"Oy!" Korgan chuckled. "It be a shame to be wastin' good food, drowsy! HAR!"
"Yum," Risa added. She and Becky were sitting at the other end of the table eating waffles as well.
"My mommy makes the best waffles," Becky confirmed.
"Boo, thinks so too, though I am concerned about his weight," Minsc said.
"And here are your waffles, master Jansen," Lasalla grinned. "Liberally covered with turnip-shavings, just the way you like it!"
"Ah," Jan said. "Just like Ma used to make... Well, it's actually better than Ma used to make since she often included shavings of sub-standard veggies like Carrots, Parsley and Tomato. It was during the time she tried to enlarge the Jansen-family taste-palette. I remember she ended up quite disillusioned about the whole thing. But I digress... You're a solar, Lasalla!"
A knock sounded on the front door, and Lasalla immediately sprang up to open it before anyone else had the chance to. The door was opened to reveal Sir Keldorn Firecam.
"Ah, Keldorn!" Laska said. "Any lead on the bugger who tried to elfnap me?"
"Sadly, no," Keldorn said. It had been two days since an unknown person had tried to drug and take Laska to the docks to be shipped off to some unknown destination. To soothe Laska's mood, Lasalla had fixed her and her friends a meal which could have fed an army the previous evening. Laska almost agreed that Jan's story about exploding moon-elves could have merit if she had even eaten a single pea more after finishing. "No leads from any of the Order's informants. No leads on the origins of the curare either and..." Keldorn interrupted himself as his nose went in the air. "Oh, my... Those waffles smell delicious..."
"I'll bring out another plate," Lasalla said, and soon Keldorn was enjoying her excellent waffles as well.
"So," Keldorn asked after finishing his first two waffles and wiping off his mouth with his napkin, "are there any quests we must perform today?"
"Idle hope, Keldorn," Viconia chuckled. "Laska? Korgan? Why don't you tell Keldorn what's your schedule for the day?"
"Korgan and I will be checking out this new bar at the Docks! It's run by this retired pirate navigator called Ignatius Cheese and he's supposed to sell this really strong grog."
"Grog!" Korgan grinned.
"Grog!" Laska added.
"GROG!" Korgan exclaimed.
A second knock on the door was barely audible over the enthusiastic exclamations of the word 'grog', but Lasalla's keen ears make her move to open the door.
"Grog?" Keldorn asked. "Is that all you're going to do today? Swill grog? Don't you have to look for more work?"
"Excuse me, master Jansen," Lasalla said as she returned to the table. "There is someone here to see you..."
"Work tomorrow! First GROG!" Laska said.
"GRRRRRROOOOOOOGGGGGGGG!" Korgan roared.
Keldorn sighed. "I guess they will be swilling grog all day."
"There is a silver lining," said Viconia. "I still have to negotiate a price with Ribald Barterman over some armors and weapons we have looted. That should put some coins in our pockets, at least."
"HEY, turnip-boy!" sounded through-out the entrance/dining hall of Laska's estate, turning all heads towards a roguish looking gnome wearing black leather.
"Beeloo?" Jan asked. "Fancy meeting you here?! The last time I saw you, you were sentenced to fifteens years of hard labor for dwarf-smuggling."
"Eh?" Korgan asked and scratched his head.
"It's a long story," Beeloo said. "It involves dwarves, tourists, a klipper, a monkey and a pair of pants, but I won't get into that right now. I just got out of prison, you see. It's just that the warden doesn't know about it yet, so I'm kinda in a hurry..."
"I always thought that sentence was unjust! It was a victimless crime, unless you consider all those dwarves losing their beards in the flash-fire to be victims," Jan said.
"EH?!" Korgan gasped. "That nay be a victimless crime!"
"Long story," Beeloo chuckled. "So, you seem to be traveling with a tough crowd nowadays. Nice little pad here too..."
"Yeah, I doesn't have a turnip-cellar, but I manage. And even though my friends aren't gnomes, they're not a total loss either," Jan grinned.
"Alright," Beeloo's expression suddenly grew cold, "enough pleasantries. Listen, Jan, you haven't come by the house for a long time. We've been looking for you."
"Oh, no. Not that again! I tell you, me accidentally covering the chimney with my coat didn't have anything to do with the exploding fireplace!" Jan grimaced.
"Jan," Beeloo interrupted. "It's Lissa."
Suddenly, it was as if the temperature in the room had fallen below freezing-point.
"Did..." Jan uncharacteristically stammered. "Did he hurt her?"
"Kids," Lasalla told Risa and Becky. "Come on," she said gently, "I still have some spoons for you to lick in the kitchen..."
"YAY!" both girls giggled as they were led to the kitchen. Apparently, Lasalla has had some experiences with this type of situation during her time with the former noble families she had served. As it stood, most of the party-members had not even noticed.
"You should talk to her yourself. I promised to give you the message but I have to go. Farewell, cousin. See you soon," Beeloo said, tipped his cowl to the ladies in the room and took off.
"What is going on, Jan?" Laska asked.
"Grog?" Korgan asked.
"It looks like something serious is afoot," Jan spoke with uncharacteristic dread. "I'll have to be heading back to my home in the Slums District."
"That still doesn't answer Laska's question," Viconia pressed.
"It is not an easy tale for me to tell. This girl, Lissa, that my cousin mentioned is an old friend of mine. More than a friend I should say. She grew up poor, like me. It was a hard life but there was happiness to be found," Jan started his tale.
"Grog?" Korgan asked again.
"I loved Lissa like I've never loved another," Jan spoke with true melancholy. "She was the most beautiful girl in Athkatla. I was not the only one to think so, however, since she had several suitors when she came of marrying age. I worried little about it. I was her closest friend and she claimed to love me."
"Grog," Korgan snarled.
"There are many gnomish families in Athkatla. Life is very different for gnomes so used to woods and caves of the country. Many of the families struggle with poverty in exchange for the safety of the city walls and Amnish law. Some families do very well. He came from one such family. Vaelag," Jan spat out the name in intense anger, "is the gnome who runs all 'business' in the gnomish areas of Athkatla."
"Boo thinks that by the way you say 'business', you mean criminal, evil and nasty business, deserving of a steel boot up the buttocks!" Minsc announced.
"A Shadow Thief?" Keldorn asked.
"Grog..." Korgan sighed.
"Not exactly, but close enough," Jan sighed. "He is a thief who pretends to be an honest merchant. Rumor has it that he reports directly to the Shadow Thieves. Regardless, he was not a pleasant person to begin with. He was a bully and a cruel man. He enjoyed exercising power. He was also suave, sophisticated, and very, very rich. I had asked Lissa to marry me and she had agreed. We were to be married at the midsummer's festival the following year. That was before she'd met Vaelag. Like most men, he took a liking to her immediately. He swept her off her feet. He showered her with gifts and city cultural events. At the time, my bitterness had me believe that he cast some sort of spell on her. In retrospect, knowing what I do about magic, she chose him out of her own free will. She was pregnant shortly afterward and they were married."
"Hmmm," Viconia said. "The female has chosen her mate of her own volition, as is her right. We should wash our hands of it..."
"GROG!" Korgan agreed.
"You do not understand," Jan said. "I would have given her the world, had I been able. Almost did once, until the government declared the deed null and void, but I don't really believe it matters anymore. I just want her to be happy, but Vaelag is a petty and cruel man, and I should help her if she has been hurt by him."
"I agree," Laska said. "Let's go find out what's happened to your Lissa, Jan..."
"Grog?" Korgan whimpered.
"Grog will be there tomorrow too!" Minsc said. "A poor innocent has been hurt today! Let us adventure post-haste!"
"Grog!" Korgan cursed and slammed his hand on the table.
"You know," Laska said, while Jan was unlocking the front door of the Jansen home in the slums, which seemed to be oddly shaped like a turnip, "I've never seen the inside of your home, Jan..."
"Well, you will now," Jan grinned. "Come on, I'll introduce you to the family. Not everyone is here now so introductions should only take about half an hour."
"Great," Viconia muttered under her breath.
The interior of the Jansen-home was oddly shaped like a cave. Closer examination revealed that the walls were made to appear like a cave by applying a mixture of clay and soft materials. The floors seemed to be made of soft green grass, meant to resemble a forest-floor. Light liberally poured in from the small windows and the huge hole in the ceiling which let the sun into the turnip-cellars one floor below. Several shelves containing all kind of contraptions were hewn into the wall.
Not surprisingly, the Jansens were big on technology. On the wall were hung several blueprints of new inventions: the 'Jansen-Aeroplano Dynamica', the 'Jansen-Deep-Diving-Turtle', the 'Jansen Joint Strike Fighter, with especially designed air-to-griffin tactical missiles' and the 'turnip-class StarShip', which strangely resembled a big metal turnip with two sleek nacelles fashioned to the bottom.
"It's unusual to say the least," Viconia muttered.
"I dunno, it's rather homely," Laska whispered back. "So different from the rest of the city. It's like we've stepped into an entirely different world."
"MA?!" Jansen shouted. "I'm home!"
"I'm here!" The elderly and gray gnomish matriarch came down the stairs. She radiated an air of authority, mostly due to the fact that she was swinging around a mean-looking walking-stick. "Don't get your knickers in a twist, you... OH! Jannie! Come to visit your old mother, have you?"
"Well, yes..." Jan grinned uneasily. "Does this mean you've forgiven me for the fire-place incident?"
"Oh, that reminds me," Ma Jansen said, and promptly whacked Jan once over the head with her walking-stick.
"OWW! Ma!"
"Now, you're forgiven," Ma said. "You've been in trouble, I suppose."
"Of course not, Ma. I've been very good," Jan grinned. "Why, look at the fine bunch of people I'm traveling with!"
Ma Jansen gave Jan's party-members a look-over. She saw an elf covered with tattoos wearing tight chainmail, a drow female who was currently cleaning her nails with a dagger, a huge mountain of a man cuddling a hamster, a middle-aged man in a hideously colored armor and to top it all off: A dwarf with syrup in his beard muttering the word 'grog' over and over. "Oh, yeah, I like this crowd," Ma snorted sarcastically. "I suppose you've been a bad influence on them."
"What's going on, Ma? Beeloo made it sound quite urgent..." Jan broke in.
"Well, Lissa and her daughter came to us two nights ago. Poor thing was in tears and near hysteria. She told us she had fled from her mansion with her daughter. It's not Lissa that was hurt, but the little girl. So sad too... She was bruised and bloody, and she did not speak, only stared into oblivion. And that is what the poor girl has been doing for two days now. She doesn't sleep, eat, talk... She just stares... Jan, I think Lissa will be happy to see you... She needs a friend..."
"Oh, Jan!" A young, spritely brown-haired gnomish girl rushed Jan for a fierce hug. "I'm so happy so see you! I would have prepared a meal for you and your companions, if I'd known you were coming today. I'm an awful mess." she sniffed.
"You look fine, Lis. You look beautiful," Jan said as he blissfully returned the embrace. "What did that bastard do to you, my little dumpling?"
"Little dumpling," Lissa giggled. "You haven't called me that since... the wedding... I was worried about you... You disappeared and..."
"I went and learned magic and shooting crossbows at people. Oh, and improved my turnip-sales techniques quite a bit too..."
"Jaella," Lissa sniffed. "She's hurt, Jan. I don't know what's wrong with her. She just lies in bed and stares at the wall. Won't even eat. Please heal her, Jan. She's just a little girl! It started a few months ago, before it ended with Vaelag. He was always a cruel father, and hard on Jaella. He beat her if she did anything he didn't like."
"You mean to say," Laska snarled. "Jaella was beaten by her own father?! Maybe I should return the favor," she added after cracking her knuckles for a bit.
"Och!" Korgan said, for the first time forgoing saying the word 'grog'. "There be few things I'd nay do, and harmin' a child be one of them. Her da be needin' a swift axe to the skull!"
"Not if I get to him first," said Laska.
"Speaking as a father myself," Keldorn spoke in a low voice, "I must consider this man to be not worthy of raising his children."
"The poor little girl got knocked on the head?" Minsc replied. "Oh, Minsc knows it is no cherry picnic, no sir!"
Keldorn stood next to Jaella's bed and examined the girl. Numerous bruises covered her little body, mostly on her face and chest. Keldorn could barely suppress a snarl.
"Viconia?" Laska asked.
"Alright," Viconia said. "I get the hint. These wounds," she said as she began her own examination, "were not clumsily applied, as if in a blind rage. I say the lowly iblith who beat her knew exactly which wounds in what location would cause the most pain."
"You... you mean he... he... deliberately?" Lissa sniffed then started to cry.
"I come from a society where laying a hand on a female warrants the most painful of deaths," Viconia snarled. "But that does not deter some of the more... defiant males. Then again, defiant males usually don't live long enough to be defiant again... or to be defiant in the first place..."
"Can you help her?" Keldorn asked.
"As luck would have it," Viconia said. "Shar has recently blessed me with the ability to cast more powerful spells. She shall attempt a healing."
Immediately, Viconia started to chant and, soon enough, a blue light descended over the gnomish girl. The magic settled on the bruises which immediately receded to be completely gone a few seconds later. Jaella seemed to breathe a little easier and made a more lively impression, but she still did not speak, nor did she stop staring.
"Jaella?" Lissa sniffed. "But... it didn't help..."
"Only partially," Viconia sighed. "It would seem the problem has deeper roots."
"It is as I feared," Jan said, no longer being flippant at the moment. "Laska, I want you to go to the turnip-cellars to talk to my uncle Gerhardt... He might have some ideas... I'll stay here with Jaella..."
"UP SAID THE WEASEL!" Uncle Gerhardt cackle resounded throughout the basement. Plenty of larger and smaller turnips were grown here, while the elderly gnome apparently tended them.
"Dammit," Viconia said, glancing at Minsc. "Are we magnets to the insane? If it's not a skin-removing murderer, it's an addled gnome!"
"It would have helped if Jan had told us that the poor man was insane," Keldorn sighed. "It might be very difficult to extract useful information from him."
"Just give me a minute with him and some pliers," Viconia chuckled.
"Errr, that's a joke, right?" Laska asked.
"Maybe," Viconia smirked. "Maybe not."
"Abandon ship!" Uncle Gerhardt shouted. "Pharmacists and sausages first!"
"JA-ELLE-AH!" Laska shouted. "TELL ME ABOUT THE GIRL!"
"A is for AXE!" Korgan snarled.
"Oh, yeah?!" Uncle Gerhardt told Korgan. "Well, you fight like a cow!"
"OY, OY, OY!" Korgan shouted and it took the combined efforts of Keldorn and Minsc to keep him from slashing the gnome in two.
"LOOK!" Laska shouted at the top of her lungs. "JUST TELL ME ABOUT JAELLA AND THEN PACK IT IN! OKAY?!"
"Oh, why didn't you say that before?" Uncle Gerhardt chuckled. "Sure... You got to go to the Jysstevs! They're a part of a big, big, BIIIIGGG secret! Find what is Hidden!"
"The Jysstevs?" Viconia grinned. "Didn't you save lady Jysstev's life a few days ago?"
"Oh, then she would be happy to help us heroes, no?" Minsc said. "One good turn deserves another!"
"I'll deal with it," Laska said. "You keep the gnomes company."
"OUT!" the Jysstev butler dared to poke a heavily armored tattooed elf in the chest with a finger. "I'll have no riff-raff trudging through these halls!"
"Look," Laska said, already starting to get annoyed. "I came all the way from the other side of the city and I only want to see lady Jysstev. I'm not leaving before I speak with her, so why don't you just make it easy on yourself and go get her before I go get her myself!"
"Don't get pushy with me," the tiny man said. "I'll not have you smear the entire elven forest you undoubtedly have under the soles of your boots all over my clean floor..."
"Was... that..." Laska growled, "a crack about my elven heritage?"
"And what if it was?!" the tiny man grinned.
Immediately, Laska grabbed the man by the arm, threw him over her shoulder and tossed the screaming butler through the still-open door. He sailed over the path until he soared past the railing, slid over the tree-tops and landed in a trash-heap below the elevated government district.
"Go play outside!" Laska shouted after him.
"What is all this noise... Oh, my savior!" the young noble, Lady Jysstev, said as she walked down the stairs. "I was hoping you'd stop by," she added, "we had so little time to chat..."
"I'm afraid I still haven't," Laska shook her head. "I have come here for the sake of a little girl. I was sent here to 'Find what is Hidden'. Whatever that means."
Lady Jysstev visibly blanched. "I... I... Are you certain you need to consult the 'Hidden'?"
"Frankly, I don't know," Laska said honestly. "But I'm not willing to gamble away Jaella's life. My friend Viconia doesn't know how to help the little girl beyond what she's already done. We don't know what else to do."
"I. know I owe you, but... but... Oh, gods, he'll be so angry if I told any..." Lady Jysstev stammered. "But... the life of a child..." she shook her head once more. "Alright. Go to the sewers below the Copper Coronet. I'll... I'll ask him to meet you there."
"I don't know why you're so afraid of this guy, but I'll make sure you won't be harmed," Laska said. "Just say the word and I'll come."
"Blasted bloody sewers!" Korgan rambled. "If these be not constructed so shabbily, I be enjoyin' the trip a lot more! And ta think I could 'ave been swillin' grog!"
"Why are we even back in these foul-smelling tunnels, Laska?" Viconia asked.
"More to the point," Laska shot back, "why do evil cult-leaders always want to meet in places like this?!"
"Ah, but if evil cult-leaders would meet in a field of flowers, it would sully all those pretty flowers, and Minsc would have to break the cult-leaders' arms!" Minsc replied.
"Look," Keldorn said. "There is a man ahead. I do not sense a thing. No good, no evil, nothing in between. Just nothing..."
Indeed, a man was waiting for them in the tunnel. He unnerved Laska to no end. The man's dark, penetrating gaze seemed to pass right through her. He wore plain clothing, nothing that would distinguish him from a normal peasant from the streets.
"Funny," Laska said. "He doesn't look like a cult-leader..."
"The most dark of evils are oft hidden, Laska," Keldorn said.
The man seemed to have noticed them, and Laska scraped her throat to prepare to speak, not expecting that the man would beat her too it. "Ah, you are here to ask me to save the life of a child. Alright, I can do that," he spoke in an unexpected wimpy voice, "but you'll have to take care of a little problem for me first. Here's what you do- go to the Five Flagon's Inn and..."
The man had sent them on an interesting quest. Just about the last thing they had expected to find was a duo of Githyanki. This offshoot of the human race had been looking for an unknown target, but unfortunately, Korgan was in the party. Some remarks were made, some mothers insulted, some masculinities emasculated and before too long, the duo of Githyanki lay dead on the ground in several pieces.
And just as soon as the party returned to the slums, they ran into the cult-leader, who had apparently been waiting for them. Just as Laska was about to address him for the second time, the man's face seemed to shift and blur, forcing Laska and her friends to look away. After a few moments (and a mighty headache) the man was still standing there. Only he was no man. Instead, a mindflayer stood in the middle of the street. Strangely enough, he didn't look like the pictures of mindflayers Laska had seen in the books she had read back in Candlekeep. This one, despite having the squid-like head, seemed rather pale. The clothes he wore were rather colorful, and he had large and floppy shoes on his feet, making him look more like a clown than a horrible monster. Unfortunately, that did not deter Keldorn, who had already drawn his sword, getting ready to attack.
"HOLD!" Viconia said, holding him back. "This Illithid is the only one who can heal the girl! If you kill him, Jaella will be doomed!"
"Fine," Keldorn said, remaining tense. "But one false move and I shall skewer him on my blade..."
"Oh, be a little less maniacal about your paladine profession, Keldy," Laska said. "He hasn't even done anything yet."
"Errmm, I am confused," Minsc asked the mindflayer. "Why are these people not running in fear from your icky tentacles?"
"Oh, they can't see me," the Mindflayer told the party. "Simple mind-trick, really... Shall we go?"
"Laska?" Jan asked. "Laska is that you?"
"Yeah!" Laska called from down the stairs. "We've brought help!"
"Lissa, Jan," Keldorn said as he was the first one to walk up the stairs. "You'd better brace yourself."
"Well, shiver my timbers!" Jan said as the mindflayer came up the stairs. "Bob-Reggie Joe-Yo!" Jan exclaimed. "I haven't seen you for ages!"
"Jan! If I knew it had been you, I'd have come straight over," he said as the gnome and the mindflayer actually embraced. "I only read the elf, but she's kinda hard to read. Lotsa dense matter between her airs and some weirdness in her blood."
"You two know each other?" Laska blurted out. "Wait, what was that about dense matter between my ears.
"Well, yeah!" Jan chuckled. "We had this mind-reading scam going on in Luskan. Made a fortune too, until one of the customers looked behind the curtain. I was the Great Uri Jansen, who could speak to the dead and bend spoons! We had those whole show set up in a circus tent while Bob-Reggie sat underneath the rafters reading minds and mentally telling me what they were thinking. They ate it up and spent so much money. I showed the audience how to bend spoons with their minds, but the spoons never actually bent – Bob-Reggie just made the audience think they did."
"Aye," the mindflayer shrugged. "Silly people were actually throwing their money away."
"Your name is really Bob-Reggie Joe-Yo?" Viconia snorted.
"No," Jan chuckled. "That's just a name I gave to him, since pronouncing his real name often ended up with people covered in spit. So, Bob-Reggie? What scams have you been up to lately?"
"Well," Bob-Reggie Joe-Yo said. "I've got most of the nobles duped into joining this fake secret society. Oh, all I do is some card-reading while I creep around in their minds looking for dirty little secrets. And then selling those to the Amnian Gutter for cold cash."
"AH!" Jan chuckled. "Brilliant! That's my the Gutter has been doing so well lately!"
"Yeah," Bob-Reggie Joe-Yo said. "I already own six boats and three houses so far... It pays great!"
"Any new juicy tidbits?" Jan asked.
"You know about the Roenalls? Father and three sons?"
"Yes..."
"Well, all four of them have a mistress..."
"What's so juicy about that?"
"Those 'four mistresses' are the same girl, but none of them know about it."
Minsc raised his hand. "Uhm, Boo is confused. In stories, tentacle-heads are often unknowable and foul and icky. Why are you so nice?"
"Pfft," Bob-Reggie waggled his tentacles. "Those ideas can do whatever they want. Meanwhile, I've got three sports-carriages, a mansion, two boats and all the pheasant brains I can eat. So while they sit under the ground brooding about, I am living the high-life!"
"Bob-Reggie," Jan said as he led his mindflayer friend up the stairs. "Can you help Jaella?"
"Are... are," Lissa asked as the mindflayer bend over Jaella, "are you sure this is safe?"
"Oh, this is Bob-Reggie! A friend!" Jan chuckled. "Besides, he hates to eat human and demi-human brains. He thinks they taste like turnips which have been lying in the sun for three months."
"Yes," Bob-Reggie Joe-Yo said. "I mostly eat fried monkey-brain. I have them imported from Dinky Island..."
"What about Jaella?" Keldorn asked.
"Ah, yes," Bob-Reggie Joe-Yo said and went to work. "Hmmm," he said. "This poor girl has been beaten regularly, I see. Almost every evening."
"E...every evening?!" Lissa said, then burst into tears.
"Yes," Bob-Reggie Joe-Yo spoke in a low tone, making it harder to discern if he was actually communicating vocally or if he was just speaking directly into their minds. "I feel she sought to escape within herself to avoid the pain and fear. She has now fled so deeply into her own mind that she cannot find her way back... Hold a moment..."
For what seemed like an eternity, the mindflayer stared directly into Jaella's eyes. Then, almost instantly, Jaella's eyes fluttered open and close. Jaella stretched and sighed. "Mo... mommy?" she spoke, almost a whisper.
"Oh, Jaella!" Lissa broke into tears and hugged her daughter tightly.
"I was lost," Jaella said and then pointed at the mindflayer. "He showed me how to get home..."
"Thanks, Bob-Reggie. And all of you," Jan said, seeming his cheerful self again.
"OY! Donnae be lookin' at me so," Korgan said, while turning away from mother and daughter. "I just be 'avin' grog in me eyes..."
"Jan! JAN!" the grating voice of Ma Jansen sounded from downstairs. "Get DOWN here! Bring your armored friends."
Laska, Jan and the rest of their friends had run down the stairs quick enough to just catch two gnomish henchman of a lavishly dressed, wicked looking gnome tossing over one of Ma's tables.
"You!" the gnome who was obviously Vaelag snarled. "I have come for my wife and child! Hand them over or there will be trouble."
"You beast!" Jan shouted. "You cruel murderer! I will not have you brutalize them or my family! Leave now, or I will toss some magic in your direction that will make you wish you were made out of wax!"
"Wax?" Laska gave Jan a quizzical look. "Would you mind explaining that one later?"
"I don't have to take this from a dreg like you! They are mine! They belong to me!" Vaelag said.
"You do not deserve a wife and child," Keldorn simply said.
"Enough!" Vaelag shouted. "You two," he told his henchmen. "Take Jan outside and slit his throat! Leave him to bleed on the street..."
"Don't even think about it," Laska said, drawing her swords. The two henchmen stared at each other, now faced with two heavily armored elves, a paladin, a hulking human who seemed to be on the verge of exploding, a maniacal dwarf and an angry gnome.
"What's all this racket?" came from a mindflayer descending the stairs.
"Errr, boss?" one of the henchman dared to ask. "They, uhm, they have a mindflayer."
"Cowards!" Vaelag snarled. "Attack, damn you!"
"Boss," said the second henchmen. "We don't have a mindflayer." At this moment, the henchmen decided they weren't being paid enough for this, and ran out the door.
"Forget it Vaelag!" sounded from Lissa, who had accompanied Bob-Reggie down the stairs. "I am not coming back with you, nor is Jaella! This has gone too far, and I will no longer stand for it!"
"You are my wife!" Vaelag threatened. "Do you know how this will look to my business-partners?! If you do not come back with me, I shall beat you into submission!"
"Listen, you bastard," Laska said. "I hate to play on height here," she directed at Vaelag, "But I have half a mind to simply step on you and crush you under my boot! Sorry guys," she glanced at Jan and Korgan.
"Donnae worry, Las," Korgan said. "I just be seein' a very, very tiny man 'ere."
"You will regret this All of YOU!" Vaelag snarled.
"YOU TINY, ICKY EVIL MAN WILL SHUT UP NOW AND WILL LET MINSC DO THE TALKING! BOO HAS WARRANTED THE USE OF THE ULTIMATE KICK! ONE MORE WORD OUT OF YOU AND YOU SHALL BE DROP-KICKED OFF THE FACE OF TORIL. NEVER AGAIN SHALL YOU BE ABLE TO SIT WITHOUT THE HELP OF SOFT PILLOWS AND... hey, where did he go?"
"He ran out the door the moment you opened your mouth, Minsc," Viconia chuckled. "Such a weak male he is..."
"This won't be the end of it," Jan said. "We can't protect Lissa and Jaella in the Jansen home."
"I hate to say it, but I agree," Ma Jansen said.
"Laska?" Jan looked upon his friend with hopeful eyes.
"Oh, crap," Viconia sighed. "We don't run a mansion, we run a hotel."
"Look on the bright side, Viconia," said Laska.
"There is one?"
"Steady supply of turnips!"
"So, Lasalla?" Laska asked. "Are Lissa and Jaella settling in nicely?"
"Oh, yes," Lasella smiled. "Risa and Becky are delighted to have made a new friend. I prepared a room for them, the one which used to be some old office on the second floor."
"Perfect," Laska grinned. Ten people were now living in her house and it still wasn't crowded. Jan was looking forward to reacquainting himself with Lissa and with the Most Noble Order of the Radiant Heart as their neighbor, Vaelag wouldn't dare make a move against them.
Also, rather than going back to the sewers, Bob-Reggie had chosen to return to his luxurious mansion and had promised to keep an eye out in case Vaelag would try anything.
Life was good. Currently, it only needed one more ingredient.
"Och, lass?" Korgan asked. "Are you ready to go?"
"GROG, GROG, GROG!" Laska and Korgan chanted over and over again as they headed out the door in search of the newest bar in Athkatla!