New Year's Eve 2017:

New Year's Eve is a bit more subdued than Thanksgiving and Christmas had been. In fact, Addison Montgomery had never expected to be ringing in 2018 living in Seattle as a widow and mom to three small children under the age of five. But here she is, sitting on her patio quietly chatting with old friends.

"2017 has been one hell of a year," Miranda Bailey muses.

"I'll say," Alex Karev moves to grab another beer out of the cooler.

"Let's be honest; 2017 was a giant cluster fuck," Callie chimes in as Addison laughs.

"It most certainly was," Addison smiles and shakes her head; Callie quietly gives Addison's hand a squeeze.

"There were some pretty good moments; we did get the first woman president," Meredith counters.

"Yeah, but she almost lost to Donald fucking Trump," Mark adds.

"2017 was…well if I'm honest, it was a bit of a blur," Addison's voice is quiet as she looks up at the sky. Jake's been dead for nearly a year and while things have been starting to look up, the thought of spending another holiday without him doesn't get easier.

"2017 had its up and downs but, we all made it; it might not seem like it but, we're all better people because of it," Bailey's voice is strong and it speaks to each person sitting around on the patio.

They'd struggled through public success and private failures and somehow still managed to survive. She's known the group of surgeons long enough to know that the hardships they endured over the last year wouldn't be enough to break them.

"Y'know what? This calls for a toast," Mark surprises everyone by quickly going inside and grabbing a bottle of champagne and a few glasses.

"Mark, what are you doing?" Callie's wearing a grin as Mark goes around slowly pouring a bit of champagne into everyone's glasses.

"2017 was a shitty year, let's make a toast to the New Year; here's hoping that it's a good one, for all of us," Mark briefly locks eyes with Addison before everyone joins in for a toast.

Midnight comes and finds everyone on the back deck; the children snuggled up next to their parents as they watch the fireworks display.

While everyone is occupied with the beauty of the fireworks, Addison quietly makes her way inside; the idea of a ringing in the New Year without Jake or Angela for that matter becomes a little too much for her to bear.

"Addison? You okay in..." Mark doesn't bother to finish his sentence; he's already got his answer. She's standing over the sink quietly sobbing; instantly, he walks over to her and gently places a hand on her back. She turns to look up at him and the words just seem to tumble out,

"I'm sorry I just…I've been trying so hard Mark, so hard. But this year, this moment I just…Jake's dead," The pain in her eyes is like a punch in the gut for Mark. Without thought, he's pulling her into a hug, running his hands through her hair.

"I'm sorry Red; I'm so, so, so sorry," It's all he knows how to do right now. He wishes that she wasn't going through this. He knows the pain all too well; he knows about the dark moments, the lonely nights. It's been years since the plane crash but the waves of guilt and sadness still hit him like a ton of bricks from time to time.

After a while, her tears seem to subside and she looks up at him with a small smile.

"Thank you, Mark,"

"Anytime Red," He leans in and kisses her forehead, it's a moment of nostalgia but it sparks something inside them.

Addison pulls back and stares into his eyes for a few moments before leaning in to kiss him. It's soft but quick but still, it sends a flicker of passion through his body. He wants more but resists; she's hurting and he doesn't want to take advantage of her in such a delicate state.

However, she surprises him by pulling him back in for another kiss.

He's weak, unable to resist her; he deepens the kiss, threading his hands through her hair, smoothing them down her back as she grabs the collar of his shirt. It's the most alive he's felt in years and he's probably more than sure it's the same for her.

"Guys, is everything okay…oh, oh I'm sorry I didn't…" They break apart at the sound of Callie's voice. Addison looks over at Mark completely horrified before rushing past him to the bathroom, mumbling an apology to Callie.

"What the hell was that?" Callie's hand is on her hip and she kinda looks pissed.

"Torres, it wasn't what it looked like, I swear!" Mark's hands go up in defense.

"Really? Because it looked like I just walked in on you and Addison kissing,"

"Callie, I swear, I walked in here to check on her and I found her crying and she kissed me and-"

"Wait, she kissed you?"

"Yeah," Callie sighs heavily.

"Mark, Addison's in a very fragile place right now. She just lost her husband, she's raising three kids under the age of five, she just moved back to Seattle…be careful with her Mark. I know you two have this, weird sexual history but-"

"It's not like that Torres, I swear. I haven't thought about anybody in a remotely sexual way since Lexie died and I care about Addison too much to hurt her, not right now," Callie smiles softly before moving to press a kiss to his cheek.

"I'm gonna see if she's okay; but I meant what I said Mark," With that, Callie carefully makes her way down the hall and into the master bedroom to talk to Addison.

oOoOo

She's pacing.

Her heart is racing and she's pacing the floors of her bathroom. She shouldn't have kissed Mark, and for Callie to walk in on them. She can't even begin to imagine if it had been Miranda, or worse, Derek.

Her mind is a jumbled mess that is thankfully saved by a knock at the door.

"Addison? You okay in there?" Shit, Callie; she probably wants to talk.

"I'm fine Callie," She can hear her friend sigh on the other side of the door.

"We don't have to talk about what happened,"

"Good, because there's nothing to talk about,"

"Addie, I just wanna make sure you're okay…please open the door," It takes a second but, Addison hesitantly opens the door.

"Addie-"

"I'm fine Callie; Mark and I just had…look, it was a lapse in judgment. I was upset and he was there and-"

"Hey, you get no judgment from me; I just wanna see you happy, that's all," Addison smiles sadly.

"I lost my husband, and subsequently my whole world fell apart. I don't know if I can be happy again," Callie gently places a hand on her shoulder and leads her to sit on the bed.

"After the plane crash, Arizona was…different. She was cold and different and she blamed me, Addie. The plane crash almost took her life and it would've if I hadn't made the decision to cut her leg off. I could've lived with a one-legged Arizona, but a world without her in it…" Callie took a deep breath but continued,

"She was so angry at me that she cheated on me and then tried to lie about it. I forgave her but, it just…wasn't the same. Y'know, we tried for a baby, not long after the accident and her cheating?" Addison looks up at her friend in surprise.

"No I…I had no idea,"

"We sorta kept it quiet; we found this nice donor, had a really great doctor but…we lost the baby,"

"Oh Callie, Cal I'm so sorry," Addison wraps an arm around her friend.

"I think what hurts the most is that Arizona didn't even try,"

"What?"

"She was the one who got pregnant this time; after Sofia, my doctors said it'd be too risky for me to try again,"

"But Sofia had nothing-"

"I developed cysts a few years after and there was some damage…endometriosis,"

"Callie…"

"No it's fine; so we decided that Arizona should carry, but she was reluctant. The doctors said the miscarriage was like the baby was violently rejected from her uterus,"

"And you're thinking that it's because she didn't want to try," Callie nods her head.

"We were never the same after that; you know, she cheated on me, again,"

"Again?"

"Mmhm, this time with an intern; I just…I couldn't take it anymore. And so, I filed for divorce; it was so hard. Can you believe it? Me, being twice divorced because both my spouses cheated…at least with George, I can admit that it was because we got married so young and he was grieving his father but Arizona? I never thought she'd do that to me and then, she decides to just…completely give up and move back to fucking Malawi. She said she couldn't take it anymore, that being here with me and Sofia was just…she didn't even try," Callie stops to wipe away tears as Addison squeezes her hand.

"Callie, I'm so sorry this happened to you; you didn't deserve that,"

"I'm telling you this because while I can't relate to exactly everything you've gone through I want you to know you can be happy. You've got an incredible group of people here in Seattle and in LA who love you, who care about you, and who only wanna see you happy. It's not gonna come easy that's for sure; being a single mom, trying to juggle being a working mom on top of that and then finding moments to grieve. You're one of the strongest people I know, you're gonna make it through this; just give yourself time,"

"Thanks, Callie,"

oOoOo

Mark is quietly standing in the kitchen when Derek approaches.

"You kissed Addison," Mark turned around, completely surprised.

"Jesus Derek! You scared the hell out of me…and how do you know I kissed Addison?"

"I saw it through the screen door; this house isn't exactly built with lots of privacy," Derek's wearing an easy smile as he approaches his friend.

"Is that why you sent Torres in here?"

"No, I had no idea she was coming in here until she mentioned that Addison had been inside for a while and that she was gonna check on her,"

"You could've at least warned her…or me," There's a long silence between the two of them where nobody says anything until finally, Derek breaks the silence.

"I've known you since we were eight; nothing you do seems to surprise me, except when it comes to Addison," Mark sighs heavily.

"Look, Derek-"

"No, just listen; Addison is…she's special. Out of all of my girlfriends, she's the only one you were ever serious about,"

"What?"

"I said, out of all the women I've dated, Addison's the only one you actually took interest in. You made it your business to be nice to her, to befriend her…how long have you been in love with her Mark?" Mark's eyes widen in shock.

"Derek, what you saw between Addison and I-"

"This isn't about before; this isn't me being mad that you ruined my marriage; it was ruined, to begin with. I loved Addison true enough, but if I'm honest, I married her because it felt right. I married her because it was safe; she deserved more than I could've ever given her. She sure as hell deserved more than what I gave her when she moved to Seattle,"

"So, why didn't you sign the divorce papers?"

"Because I didn't want to take the coward's way out; and because I didn't want to face the fact that I stopped loving her and was too afraid to end it before it got as bad as it did,"

"Shep-"

"She's complicated; she's guarded and stubborn and just went through a living hell. I may not be in love with her anymore, but that doesn't mean I don't care about her. She's in a fragile place Mark, don't play with her heart."

"Derek I-"

"Again, I've known you since we were eight; you're in love with her," Mark sighs heavily, running a hand through his hair.

"Okay, so what if I do? She's not ready Derek,"

"Then wait for her to be, this is different Mark, she's different, you're different. She didn't just lose some guy she was dating; she lost her husband, a man she'd planned on spending the rest of her life with. She also lost a kid and subsequently became a single mom to three children; this isn't something she'll get over soon. If you love her like I think you do, wait for her; let her heal," With that, Derek places a shoulder on his friend's shoulder and walks away.

Chapter 26 to follow…

Hello again!

It took me a very long time to put this chapter together; if I'm honest, I thought about discontinuing it. It's still a possibility but, when I looked at this story, I saw so much potential and hope. I have to admit, it's quite the monster in terms of writing and plotting but, I'm invested in this story. So I can't say how long it'll be before I update it again but, I promise to keep trying. I think the idea is so complex and compelling and well, it's probably in my opinion, my most mature work to date. I hope that you'll keep reading and thank you all once again for your amazing support.

Until next time,

Xx