A/N NEW CHAPTER! Sorry it's taken so long, but nothing went as it was supposed to on my vacation. I am currently in need of a vacation from my vacation. It was rough, but the surgery patient is doing well now and I am back home. My schedule will still be very crazy for the next few weeks, so I may not be able to update as often as I had been, but I'll try to keep on top of this. Please enjoy! I've missed posting. And yet, through it all, I still do not own Bleach or benefit from it financially. Darn! ;o)
After Zaraki had flung the vice captain of the ninth out of the wrestling ring and onto the hard ground, Nanao had drafted two men from her division to carry the unmoving Shuuhei to her captain's office. They had grumbled extensively about missing some of the best wrestling they had seen in years. Miffed, she had peered at them over her glasses and told them that she would personally see to it that they both got a first-hand feel for Zaraki's wrestling style if they complained again. Compliance came swiftly, and under Isane's direction, the unconscious Hisagi was carried through the Seireitei streets to the office of the eighth division.
Once in Shunsui's office, Nanao explained what had happened to the Captain General, Captains Kyouraku and Ukitake, and Vice Captain Sasakibe. The two men were dismissed. On the way out, but not out of earshot, Nanao heard them say something about the 'dragon queen.'
So be it, she thought indignantly. It was my duty to bring him back here and see that he gets patched up. She watched over Isane's shoulder as the other woman began her ministrations on the unconscious man.
Isane opened his kimono in an attempt to assess any bodily damages, then brought him around with a potion to check for a concussion. He saw her, screamed and promptly fainted. "He'll be fine," she assured the others. "He always reacts that way to me."
She put a cloth dipped in a health restorative potion up to his nose. "He'll sleep for awhile, but other than that, sore muscles, and maybe a headache, I think he'll be fine in a bit. I need to check in with Captain Unohana and tell her what's happened." She packed up her medicines and walked to the far corner of the room for some privacy.
The others, after thanking Isane, returned to their conversations. Sasakibe was fussing over Yama-Jii as usual, much to the older man's displeasure, while Shunsui and Ukitake were sitting and talking casually, although Nanao could feel Shunsui's eyes on her. It angered her to think that she was under this much scrutiny, but at the moment, she could see no way out of the situation. She had brought Shuuhei here, to the eighth, instead of to the fourth division, and now she had to endure the knowing glances of her annoying captain as he began to think that his plan was working.
She gazed at the sleeping man. Maybe in his own way, Hisagi wasn't so bad. After all, he had given her a rose and had performed all kinds of crazy stunts for her even though she hadn't asked him to or even wanted him to. He and his friends had even livened up the dullest bachelorette party in the history of the Seireitei. And now, in this latest stunt of lunacy, he had wrestled Zaraki Kenpachi. What possessed this man? she wondered. Could it be that he might actually like her? A date with Hisagi might not be the worst thing in the world, she thought. At least, it wouldn't be a date with her captain. The first and only time that she and Shunsui had tried a casual date, a pleasant evening of talk turned into a chase, a race and a slap across the face. She shuddered at the thought, then briefly turned her attention to the others in the room.
The two captains were chatting, Isane was still making her report, and Sasakibe was busy pulling caramel corn out of the old man's beard.
"Ow. Watch it, boy!"
"If you would only be more careful, Captain General, we wouldn't have to go through this every time you ate caramel corn. Maybe you shouldn't have any more… ever!" scowled Sasakibe.
"Nonsense," roared the old man. "Caramel corn is the best that the real world has to offer. There is nothing better, except perhaps 'Vermonty Python' ice cream. Make a note, Saskibe. This Ben and Jerry need to be congratulated for their fine ice cream artistry."
"Yes, and I have to clean you up after that too."
Nanao chuckled softly and wondered how the real world ice cream magnates would feel about receiving congratulations from death gods. She let her eyes wander back to the sleeping man in front of her. It was then that she noticed a yellow-gold object protruding from Shuuhei's dark hair. She leaned over cautiously to see what it was. Apparently, he had encountered the hay bales that surrounded the wrestling ring during his tête-à-tête with Kenpachi. For some reason, the hay bothered her. It really bothered her. Her fingers itched to remove the gold straw from his black hair. It didn't belong there; it needed to be removed.
She looked around surreptitiously to make sure that no one was watching, then hesitantly reached out to try to pluck the straw away. Her hand brushed his hair and the softness of it surprised her. She had always assumed that the texture was hard because of his chosen hair style, but instead it felt like satin. Slowly, she pulled the straw from the tangle in his hair, wiped a bit of drool from the corner of his mouth, then let her eyes drift down his sleeping form to his taut unblemished chest.
Her heart leaped into her throat, tap danced a bit on her tonsils and settled back down. Okay, she admitted to herself, so maybe the captain's plan was working – a little. But she would date Hisagi on her terms, not his, and definitely not her captain's.
She grimaced when she saw Shunsui, sitting at his desk, watching and laughing with Ukitake. He never sits behind his desk. What on earth is he doing there? she wondered, until she realized that he had the best view in the house when it came to observing her observing Hisagi.
"Eh, looks like Nanao has found something to interest her, Jushiro," smirked Shunsui from across the room.
My terms, she thought angrily. "I'm planting daisies," she said. She inserted one end of the hay into Shuuhei's belly button and walked away defiantly, but not before she noticed that his was an 'innie.'
He opened an eye to bright lights. Was it morning already? He closed it again and groaned. Why was he so sore?
A soft, far-away voice floated inside his head. It said, "He's waking up."
No, I'm not, he argued with the voice. He shut it away in his brain.
"Shuuhei?"
The same voice. Why can't it leave me alone? He complained to himself. But something was different. This time, the voice touched him on the arm. Could voices do that?
"Shuuhei." The voice was gently shaking him this time. What? he asked, silently annoyed as he ascended the stairway to consciousness. About halfway up, he forced open an eye. Before him sat a vision. A gentle touch, a soft voice, flowing gossamer hair. The thought that she was almost as pretty as Nanao drifted through his mind. He sat down on the stairs, chin on his fist, half in and half out of the real world. Nanao, so sweet, so pretty. He felt the warm fuzzies bouncing towards him up the stairs for huggies. Suddenly, they turned and fled. What the hell, he thought, I want my warm fuzzies back.
"Shuuhei," came the voice again, a little more insistent this time. Again he opened his eye to the lovely vision of…
"Captain Ukitake?" He sat bolt upright on the couch. "Ow, my head!" He pulled a piece of straw out of his navel and looked at it quizzically.
"It's about time, my boy. I've been trying to wake you ever since you first opened an eye. How are you feeling?"
"I…I'm fine. I think. No, wait…" He did a quick mental assessment of his condition as he sank back down onto the couch. He decided the best response was, "Ow."
"Just relax, my boy."
"Why do I feel like a two ton zanpakutou hit me?"
"Maybe because the two tons behind it was named Kenpachi."
"And I'm still alive?" he marveled. "Where am I?"
"You're in the eighth, dear boy. Nanao and Isane brought you back here to fix you up."
"I-Isane? F-fixed me up? What did she do to me?" The panic in his voice was evident.
"Well," began Ukitake, puzzled by Shuuhei's reaction, "she gave you a tonic to help you heal. You've been out for a while."
"Do I have a tail?" asked Shuuhei, feeling around behind him. "Pointed ears? An extra nose? She didn't hypnotize me, did she? Say her name."
"What?"
"Say that she-devil's name."
Ukitake complied with the unusual request. "Isane." (1)
"Did I cluck? I didn't cluck like a chicken just now, did I?" At Ukitake's baffled head shake, he breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank the higher power."
"Calm down, my boy," said the white haired captain. "You're making a scene."
A giggle came from behind Captain Ukitake, drawing Shuuhei's attention beyond the captain to the others in the room.
The captain general and his vice captain were seated by the large picture window observing the scene, Isane the she-devil was still across the room working with her medical supplies, Kyouraku was at his desk with his feet up, Ukitake was sitting next to him on the edge of the couch where he was lying, and behind him, stood Nanao, the source of the giggle. The lilt of her voice had reminded him of the gentle flow of water in a forest stream, happily gurgling its way along, picking up momentum as it rushed through raging rapids, headed for the long angry drop over the great falls of...the destruction of Ukitake's koi ponds came flooding forcefully back into his mind.
"Captain!" he gasped, trying to sit up. "About your ponds, Sir…I…I am so sorry!"
"Nonsense, Hisagi. No hard feelings. All is forgiven," smiled Ukitake, helping him.
"It is?" asked a confused Shuuhei.
Ukitake continued, "Captain Kyouraku has promised to build me bigger and better koi ponds and gardens, haven't you, Shunsui?"
"I assure you, Jushiro, old friend, bigger and better koi ponds will never be found." The captain in pink pointed his index fingers in Jushiro's direction and winked.
"See? All taken care of, Hisagi. Actually, I should be thanking you and your friends. I've been going to expand for a very long time and now I have no excuse, plus someone else will be performing all the labor, right, Shunsui?"
The cheery smile on Kyouraku's face faded slightly. Through tight-lips, he said, "You bet, Jushiro. Anything you want, Old Friend." Silently, he cursed underestimating the five Shinigami idiots and their uncanny ability to turn a simple saying from a fortune cookie into a massive out-of-control adventure that had the whole Seireitei watching. His back was already aching as he thought about the long hours of manual labor ahead of him, thanks to them. He swore to himself right then and there that he would never open another fortune cookie as long as he lived.
The door to the eighth burst open like dynamite in a wood pile and four Shinigami came crashing through to the complete surprise of everyone in the room. They were obviously celebrating.
"Hisagi!" yelled Renji to the man on the couch. "Dude, you should have been there!"
"It was a sight to behold!" said Yumichika dramatically.
"Hey, 'Sagi Bottom!" yelled Ikkaku. "How ya feeling, man? You missed it big time!" Ikkaku slapped him on the head, making Hisagi's headache intensify. In fact, everything they were doing was making his head hurt worse. Only Kira hadn't annoyed him yet, which only made him wonder why.
As suddenly as the four had burst through the door, an intense reiatsu flooded the room, making the Shinigami who were present wish that they were basking in the deep humidity of a tropical rain forest instead of this oppressive reiatsu. Just as suddenly, the reiatsu vanished.
"Now that I have your attention," started Yama-Jii, coughing slightly and leaning on his staff, "is it in your training to burst uninvited into captain's offices? I would reprimand your captains for this undignified behavior, but none of them are here. Izuru Kira, yours is on permanent sabbatical. You two," he pointed to Ikkaku and Yumichika, "are products of Kenpachi, are you not?"
"Yes indeed, sir," answered Ikkaku, snapping to attention.
"Figures. Go away." He waved them off with his hand. "Abarai, your actions surprise me after training with the noble Kuchiki. Be thankful he is not here to see this disgraceful display."
"Oh, believe me, sir. I'm very grateful he isn't here right now," said Renji with a thinly veiled smile.
"Don't get smart with me, boy," growled the old man. His brows knit together in a menacing frown. "I know where you have been." He pointed with a bony finger, "And I know where you have been. And you. And you. And you," until he had pointed to all five of the wide-eyed men. They could only look at each other in horror as their raid on the captain general's shower sprang instantly into each man's mind.
"Look, sir, about your…" Renji attempted.
"Is that a cask of sake under your arm, Vice Captain Abarai?" asked Yama-Jii, changing the subject lightly.
"Well, yes, sir," admitted Renji, surprised by the question.
"Wherever did you get it?" asked the old man, suddenly intrigued by the cask. He ran a hand over the small wooden barrel, tracing the staves.
"Um, from Hisagi's office, Captain General."
Yama-Jii's gaze turned to Hisagi who was still sitting on the couch. "And where did you get a cask of sake from the famous Sake-Makers Group of the Rukongai on a vice-captain's salary, Vice Captain Hisagi?"
"You broke into my office, Abarai?" asked Shuuhei, trying to avoid the old man's question. He had no desire to recount to the old man how he had come to be entered in the Miss Warrior Queen Pageant and what he had done to win the afore-mentioned cask of sake. He was pretty sure that Yama-Jii did not want to hear that one of his elite male warriors stuffed his bra.
"Hell, yea, you weren't there," blustered Renji. "We wanted sake. We broke in, we took it, and here it is."
Yama-Jii raised a bushy eyebrow. "A popular thing for you scoundrels to do, wouldn't you say?"
"Only when we need something vitally important, Captain General," said Yumichika quickly. "And we're very good at returning things, as I'm sure you'll find out soon."
"Forget it. I like little Hinamori's Scrunchies. She is my favorite vice captain from now on. She'll get an A on her next report card."
Renji looked at the man in confusion. "Vice captains don't get grades, Sir."
"Good thing for the five of you. F in deportment for all of you," said the old man.
Ikkaku screwed up his face at Yumichika, "Depor…what?"
"Deportment. Behavior," explained Yumi. "He's saying we've been bad."
"Hell," said the bald man, "I thought we did pretty good."
"Now then," ordered Yama-Jii, "open the cask and share your ill-gotten gains."
"Hey, we won it fair and square," protested Ikkaku.
"We?" exploded Shuuhei. He grabbed a copy of the Seireitei Times from a side table and lobbed it at the man. "You mean me! I won it."
Ikkaku ducked. The magazine knocked over a pile of paperwork on Shunsui's desk. "Not without us, you didn't, Shirley."
"That's Vice Captain Shuuhei Hisagi to you, Shine Time. And I wouldn't have had to, if it hadn't been for you morons," scoffed Shuuhei.
"Don't get your pantyhose in a twist, Queenie."
"Your eye shadow's smudged, Door Knob."
"Gentlemen, gentlemen," interrupted Shunsui, stepping over the trail of papers on the floor. "I'm sure it's a story we'd all like to hear someday..."
Hisagi choked at the thought while the other four laughed.
"…but, that delicious sake is getting staler by the minute. Nanao, don't be such a rude host," called Kyouraku abruptly. "Serve our guests liquid refreshments like a good little girl, won't you?"
Nanao gritted her teeth, ready to give him a good scolding. Already seething inside about the paperwork she knew she would have to pick up and reorganize, she held her tongue in front of their guests and the newcomers. Kyouraku would have to wait. Quickly, she pulled Renji into the kitchen by the collar and had him open the sake cask. Returning a few moments later with a tray of bowl-shaped cups and a small pitcher of sake, she poured sake for everyone else as was custom, then Ukitake poured one for her. Yama-Jii held out his cup for seconds.
"So how did you guys get out of the wrestling ring alive?" asked Hisagi after the sake began to flow freely. "Kenpachi was a wrestling maniac."
"You mean 'wrasslin'' maniac," corrected Yumi with a smile.
"I propose a toast. You toasting with us, Hisagi?" asked Renji.
"What are we toasting?" he asked.
"The new Oomaeda Festival wrestling champion."
"We're toasting to Kenpachi?"
"No, actually, the new champion is Izuru Kira!"
A/N (1) You've had a break from them, so I thought I'd throw in another Shameless Plug - Regression Blues by Barbellenel. Don't forget Bleached Ice by DolphinWhisperer.