It had been a whole week since the split and Castiel wasn't coping. With his nightmares more than frequent, it was taking a toll on his life. Every night he dreamed of the same thing and each time he watched Dean die in front of him. The death was always the same, a knife in his throat while his cold dead eyes watched him. Castiel had screamed himself hoarse at night till he woke up sweating and crying needing to be held and comforted.

He often woke up at 2am and stayed awake studying instead of sleeping which meant he had a total of four hours' sleep every night. Castiel was exhausted and sick. It meant he wasn't eating food either which worried Anna.

"Castiel?" Anna called up to him that Thursday evening. "Do you want a sandwich?"

"No" he murmured walking down for a glass of water.

Anna eyed him up and down concerned.

"You look awful, Castiel, you have bags underneath your eyes, you're hardly eating, what's going on?" she said looking over to him.

"Nothing is going on"

"You haven't been going out or staying over with your mysterious guy anymore…have you split up?" she questioned carefully. Castiel poured the water and nodded looking over to Anna who grimaced in sympathy.

"I'm sorry, Cas"

"Sorry for what? It's isn't your fault so why should you be apologising?"

"It's what you say when someone is upset or hurt even if it isn't there fault" Anna snapped.

Castiel glared at her before walking back upstairs to return to his studies.

"If you don't eat you're going to get ill!" Anna shouted up to him.

"Yes" Castiel said shutting his door on her and picking up his phone to see one new message. His heart stuttered for a moment in hope only to have it crushed when he saw it was from Jo. Jo had desperately trying to condone her own actions and beg for his forgiveness.

"I was just looking out for you!" she shouted to him when he walked away from her. Balthazar following as he always did while she stayed behind wondering how she could fix it. Castiel hadn't seen Dean all week and it was killing him. He avoided history like it was the plague but the urge to go in and see him was overwhelming.

Castiel sat down on his desk resting his head into his hands and inhaled feeling sicker than ever. He pulled his phone towards him bringing up Dean's number and texting it.

I don't care if this is breaking the rules. I miss you more than I ever thought.

Castiel sent the risky text and placed it down wondering if he would reply. Dean never did.

It was midnight when his eyes drooped and he sighed crawling into the bed and resting his head.

"Just one dreamless sleep" he whispered settling down. It wasn't granted and he endured watching his father kill Dean all over again. Castiel woke up with a gasp and scrambled up against his headboard.

He sat up and rubbed his eyes feeling dizzy and sick. Castiel jumped up darting to the toilet and throwing watery sick that smelt funny and wrong. He sat back heavily hearing a creak on the hallway and turned to the door to see Anna knocking and stepping inside.

"I heard you being sick"

"Clever observation" he mumbled with a moan.

Anna dropped down to her knees sweeping her hand over his forehead in a gentle manner.

"You look awful"

"I'm fine"

"You've had nothing to eat, you're studying harder than ever, and now this? Castiel, please…"

"Please what?"

"Start caring for yourself"

"I am"

Anna narrowed her eyes casting them over him and shook her head. "Go get more sleep, Cas, cut down on the studying and start eating"

Castiel swallowed tasting the bitter taste of his sick and looked down at his hands.

"That's not what I need" he whispered.

"What do you need?"

"I need him" he murmured when he was out of earshot and walking to his bedroom. Castiel switched on the lamp pulling his math book towards him and settled down for another few hours of studying. He didn't want to dream so that meant no more sleep.

Hours before, Dean had received the text message when he was sat with Sam and Daniel. His heart gave a horrible squeeze and he could do nothing more than to ignore the message.

"Are you going to explain your behaviour or…" Sam said jiggling Daniel who wailed softly.

"My behaviour?"

"Well, you used to come round all the time and then you stopped, you seemed happier, and Jess and I honestly believed you finally had someone secret and now…" Sam said trailing off with a shrug. "Has something happened?"

"I did have someone but it was early days…it ended" Dean muttered with a shrug.

"How come?"

"Complications" he murmured looking away from him.

Sam frowned looking at Daniel who was sucking on his fist and looking a little disgruntled.

"I want you to settle down, Dean"

"Concentrate on your own life"

"I'm trying to help" he remarked raising an eyebrow at him. Dean scowled rolling his eyes at him and looked around the small living room.

"Where's Jess?"

"Parents, it's just you, me, and Daniel" Sam said with a smile. "Are you going to tell me who this mysterious person was then?"

"No"

"Why? It's over now isn't it?"

"Yeah, but I'm not telling you"

"I thought we told each other everything"

"You waited five months to tell me Jess was pregnant, you also waited to tell me you were getting married!"

"That was one time!"

Dean scoffed amused tilting back his head with a sigh.

"If I told you, Sam, you wouldn't believe me" Dean said in a tired tone. Sam frowned placing Daniel on the floor watching him crawl over to his toy dog on the floor.

"Well who was she?"

Dean smirked shaking his head and turned towards him.

"Remember back in high school when I had that phase? Boys and girls?"

"Yeah?"

"I never left it, Sam"

Sam frowned glancing away from him and opened his mouth in realisation. Dean nodded and looked away from him feeling a warm flush rise on his cheeks at the sudden declaration.

"So…the person was a…guy?" Sam said feeling awkward.

"Yeah" Dean said scratching behind his neck. "Look, I don't want to talk about it, Sam, it's over now"

"He made you happy though?"

"Yeah he did"

Dean fidgeted nervously and let out a sigh standing up.

"Where are you going?"

"Home, I have essays to mark" he murmured picking up Daniel and pressing a brief kiss to his cheek. "I'll see you later, little man, and I'll see you later, big man"

Sam sneered at him and held out his hands for his baby.

"See you tomorrow?"

Dean nodded once feeling a heavy sense of discomfort. He headed out of the door pulling out his phone to look over the message and traced his thumb over it gently.

"I know the feeling" he murmured to the phone before pocketing it and stepping into his car. All he wanted was a good shot of whiskey, good company, and sex. Dean missed that more than anything and it didn't help that his last memory of sex hurt the most.

He entered the empty apartment and sighed loudly throwing his keys into the bowl with a loud clank which echoed. Dean hated the silence more than anything and decided the best idea would be the crawl into bed and sleep away his loneliness. If anybody could see him now, Dean knew they would think of him to be completely pathetic. They would say it was his own fault.

Dean sighed rolling over to the side Castiel used to sleep on and buried his face into the pillow. It smelled faintly of his shampoo and now of Dean as well. It was strangely reassuring and held a small comfort for Dean which he could cling to.

~0~

Balthazar looked over Castiel that next morning and could feel his heart quicken a little and his eyes go wide. It wasn't in attraction, it was in concern.

"What the hell" Balthazar breathed tilting his chin up to look into his eyes. "Why…why do you look skinnier, plus look like you've had 30 minutes sleep, and look like death itself"

"Because I'm pretty" he said sarcastically shoving his fingers away. "I'm fine!"

"You're a bad liar"

"Why won't anyone believe me!" he protested and closed his eyes when a wave of vertigo hit him.

"Because you're not" Balthazar said gripping his arm and leading him to the vending machines. "You need chocolate"

"No, I really don't" Castiel protested when a bar felt down.

"Eat it" Balthazar said thrusting it at him with hard eyes. Castiel sighed unravelling it and biting into the stickiness before gagging and thrusting it at him.

"No, no" he murmured shaking his head and grabbing his water bottle. Balthazar threw it away and turned back towards him.

"What are you doing?"

Castiel frowned around his bottle of water and turned towards him. "What are you on about?"

"This past week and last week you've gone so downhill you're crashing, Cassy, and I don't like it"

"I'm fine, Balthazar, really, I am just struggling with my nightmares"

"Which you still won't tell me about!" he said aghast.

"Because it's difficult to explain" Castiel said with a snort. "I'm going to math"

Balthazar watched him walk away and lashed out striking his foot at the vending machine and gritting his teeth at the throb in his foot. It was maddening to see someone falling apart in front of you and not being able to help them in the slightest. Balthazar wanted to help him, he wanted to take care of him and make him happy, but he had no idea how. He knew the only person who could make Castiel truly happy was Dean and with the situation how it was, it was impossible.

Castiel headed down the corridor feeling lightheaded and dizzy and didn't notice when he walked into someone.

"Oh god, I'm sorry" he murmured stepping back and looking up to see Dean staring back at him.

"It's okay" he murmured softly.

Castiel let out a little sigh of relief looking up at him feeling the sickness ebb away at the mere sight of him. Dean raised an eyebrow at him surprised.

"What?"

"Nothing, did you get my message?"

"Yeah"

Castiel frowned deeply now knowing he was being ignored and sidestepped him.

"Whoa" Dean said when he wobbled and looked around the near empty hallway before dragging him inside the classroom.

"Okay, Casper, what's happened?"

"Casper?"

"You look like a ghost, Cas, what's going on?"

"Why do you care?" he snapped shoving his hands away.

Castiel watched the hurt flicker in Dean's eyes and felt bad for snapping at him but didn't mention it.

"You know I care…"

"Well the last time we spoke like this, Dean, you were breaking my heart" Castiel said peering up at him. Dean sighed rubbing a hand over his chin and poked him hard in the chest that he winced flinching away.

"I did that for the right reasons"

"The wrong reasons"

"I still care, Cas!"

"No you don't!"

"What's happening with you?"

"Nothing…I'm okay, Dean" he said attempting to sound reassuring but was met with a hard look. Dean traced his thumb underneath the dark circle under his eyes and shook his head slowly; Castiel closed his eyes at the gentle touch and leaned in resting his forehead against his cheek.

"Cas…"

"Give me a moment" he murmured inhaling his smell and pulling back with a moan. "I hate this"

"I know" he whispered pushing his hands into his jeans and watching him closely. Castiel looked to the door and back to Dean.

"We might get caught, so I better go" he said turning his back on him and walking out of the room. Dean closed his eyes feeling an ache run down his chest and he pressed it down moving to flop on his chair and curse everything and everyone.

Castiel breathed out leaning against the door feeling sweaty and his heart racing.

"Cas?" Jo shouted over to him.

He nodded breathing out deeply and walked across the path towards them underneath an oak tree. Jo looked over to Balthazar who was watching him carefully.

"He's never going to forgive me is he?"

"Maybe one day…Cas is hurting right now and your big nose got in the way"

Jo gawped covering a hand over her nose and narrowed her eyes at him. "Harsh"

Castiel stopped halfway towards them feeling a rush of noise inside his head, it was loud and echoing and he couldn't hear anything. His vision clouded and he could only see white and black like he had been punched very hard until he could see stars.

He could hear dimly voices calling out to him before a wave of unbearable pain, air, and solid ground beneath him and then…nothing.

"Oh my god!" Jo said rushing forward when Castiel collapsed on the ground and winced when she heard a crack. Balthazar skidded next to her in a panic calling his name.

"Can you hear me? Cas, Castiel!" he shouted pulling back his eyelid to see blown pupils. "Go get a teacher"

"What?" Jo said sounding and looking very frightened.

"A teacher! Now!" he shouted watching her jump up and run towards the doors. Jo had no idea where she was going but somehow ended outside of history.

"Dean!" she shouted opening the door and darting in. "It's Cas!"

"What?" he said astounded when she gestured at him.

"Come on!"

Dean ran after her as he headed outside to see a crowd surrounded by a figure on the floor.

"Move!" he ordered watching the students scatter and dropped down to his knees. "Cas? Cas, if you can hear me open your eyes"

Castiel remained immobile on the floor; Dean bent his head and hovered his ear over his mouth feeling gentle puffs of air.

"He's breathing"

"Dean…"Balthazar murmured turning Castiel's head with wide eyes. Dean cupped his hand around the back of his head and came away with a bloody hand. Fear like no other struck him and he swallowed fumbling with his phone.

"Ambulance please" he said when he dialled 911. "Balthazar, go get the principal"

Balthazar nodded darting up and away from the school. Students around whispered and talked loudly. "Cardozo High School, a student has fallen unconscious and may or may not have cracked his skull…there's blood"

Dean nodded when they said they were on their way and hung up stripping off his jacket and placing it under his hair. His fingers strayed into his hair gently and he swallowed pulling back staring down at his pale face.

"Move inside right now!"

Dean turned to his saviour to see Jody Mills ordering the students inside including Jo and he nodded at her when she crouched down staring down at him. Dean pressed the jacket over the head wound.

"Fell unconscious and whacked his head" Dean said when she questioned him.

He turned to see the principal, Martin Roberts, enter the yard followed by Balthazar.

"What's happened?"

"Student, Castiel Milton, fell unconscious and hit his head…am I right?" Dean said looking over to Balthazar who nodded.

"He's been sick" Balthazar said swallowing hard and glancing to Castiel on the floor. Dean wrapped a hand around his wrist taking his pulse and turned in relief when the sirens whirred in the distance.

"I'll go with him" Dean said looking over to Martin who nodded once.

"I'll get Marie to cover" Martin said. "I want a call on his progress, Dean"

"Yes"

Dean watched as Jody led Balthazar back inside as he looked back in fear. Dean stepped back when the paramedics ran on to the scene.

"What happened?"

"Fell unconscious, hit his head, and there's blood…I've tried to stem the blood flow but…" Dean said trailing a hand in his hair watching the man attach a mask to his face and put him on a stretcher.

"Minor head wound, continuing blood flow and no sign of conscious" the paramedic said as he was lifted into the ambulance. Dean heard a small sound escape half a whimper and half a choke of pain when he realised that kind of wound kills people. The brain and skull are fragile part of the human body and the last conversation he had with him wasn't the one he wanted to be the last.

"I'm coming too" Dean said climbing inside and sitting down on the seat watching the woman check over his vitals.

"His name?"

"Cas or Castiel Milton" he murmured pressing his hand over his mouth as they took off to the hospital and she called his name.

"Can you hear me? My name is Mary, Castiel, can you open your eyes for me?" she called shining a light into his eyes. "Nothing"

Dean inhaled shakily and could only watch as she attended to the bandage.

"Is he going to be okay?"

"Let's just get him into the hospital first" she said turning to look at him with a gentle smile.

Dean placed his head into his hands feeling waves of his own sickness starting to affect him and he looked up to him knowing he was right about him being sick. He was pale as a ghost, tired and exhausted eyes, and a physique which had thinned down from lack of food he would guess. Dean knew he should have stopped him and demanded the truth but already he had an inkling. Dean knew that he suffered from nightmares which stopped when he came into Castiel's life; the moment he left they must have returned.

They arrived at the hospital ten minutes later to his delight and he could only watch and wait as Castiel was wheeled away and he was sent to the waiting room. Dean sat down heavily feeling like the world and its mother was placed on his shoulders and knew there was no getting out of it.

It seemed like hours had passed before a doctor came to see him and smiled gently.

"You are here with Castiel Milton, am I correct?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm his…teacher, how is he?"

"A minor head wound and a substantial amount of blood loss which wasn't harmful, we've managed to sustain it and cover it up and there seems to be no damage to the brain either" the doctor said. "He's physically and mentally exhausted from what we've discovered and has low blood sugar"

"That would be his studying and lack of eating" Dean murmured rubbing a hand over his face. "Can I see him?"

"Of course" the doctor said leading him into the ward and to a small bed in the corner where he was awake. Dean nodded at the doctor.

"He's still a little woozy from the pain medication so…give him time" the doctor said before taking his leave. Dean swallowed walking around and stopping in front of you.

"You son of a bitch" Dean whispered when Castiel looked up at him with dazed eyes.

"Dean?"

"You scared the crap out of me, Cas!" he hissed bending down so he was closer to him and trailed his fingers into his hair. Castiel closed his eyes leaning into his touch and hissing.

"They gave me stiches" he murmured when Dean stroked the un-bandaged hair.

"You passed out on a concrete floor, you could have died!"

"I'm sorry" he mumbled looking away and around him to see an old woman sleeping in the bed next to him. "It's my entire fault"

"What has been happening? You better tell me the truth because I swear to god…" Dean warned pulling a chair over and sitting down.

Castiel swallowed turning his head to look at him directly. "I've been having nightmares of my father killing you…I'm stuck in my chair and I have to watch as he stabs you in the throat every night. I can't do it, I couldn't do it, so I stayed awake studying in the early hours till the point of exhaustion"

Dean swallowed sliding his hand over and smiling weakly when Castiel twined their fingers together.

"Because I was so tired I didn't want to eat, it was draining me…my body just gave in and I couldn't hear or see before I collapsed"

"You're a stupid dick!" Dean hissed pressing his forehead over their hands. "Why would you do that to yourself?"

"It all happened when it ended"

"So you're blaming me?"

"No, I'm telling you why it started"

Dean looked away from him with a set jaw watching the bleep off the machine showing his steady heartbeat.

"I don't blame you, Dean, I've had my nightmares since my father came for me and now…they've returned with a vengeance. I had you to forget about them and now…they're all I have"

"Cas…you can't continue like this"

"No, these people will help me" Castiel said gesturing around the ward. "The nurses and doctors, Dean"

"Oh they will, I'll make them" Dean said with wide eyes.

"I want to sleep"

Dean sighed closing his eyes and nodded reopening them, he reached over trailing his hands down the side of his cheek.

"Sleep"

"Will you be here when I wake up?"

Dean nodded watching and feeling him cling to his hand and close his eyes. Dean's eyes drifted around the ward but no one was paying any attention to them. Castiel could feel the lull of sleep and drifted off without hesitation or pain. Dean pressed a kiss over his knuckles feeling an overwhelming pang of sadness and could only blame himself for this. Nightmares of him dying had scared Castiel away from sleep and he had no idea. Pushing his chair closer to the bed, Dean let his cheek rest on the pillow next to him watching him sleep. Castiel moaned at the pain in his head and reached out for Dean who reassured him and stroked behind his ear, his favourite place.

Castiel could only see darkness and could smell the familiar smell of Dean around him and felt at peace for the first time in weeks. Dean rubbed the tip of his nose up his cheek resting there for a moment before pulling back and removing his hand very gently from his hand. Dean pulled out his phone walking out of the ward and was stopped when two figures burst in staring at him. Dean instantly knew who they were.

"Where's our brother!" Gabriel said in a headstrong and fearful voice.

"Castiel's brother and sister"

"Where is he!" Anna said and raced forward to the bed and inhaled looking at the bandage on his head. "Oh I knew something was wrong!"

"Oh yeah, say it when he's out cold and has a hole in his head" Gabriel muttered joining her.

Anna glanced over to Dean who was hovering unsure what to do.

"I'm sorry, who are you?"

"Dean Winchester, I am the history teacher of Cardozo"

Gabriel raised an eyebrow at him and looked over Castiel's chart while Anna stared at him with a cocked head so similar to Castiel.

"His history teacher? Dean?" she said questioning him.

"Yes, um, if you'll excuse me I have a school to call" he said waving his mobile and hurrying out.

"Strange guy" Gabriel murmured looking over to Anna. "Anna?"

Anna narrowed her eyes and swallowed turning back to Gabriel. "Sorry, I was just thinking"

Anna moved to sit in the empty chair staring at her brother's peaceful face and wondered if she would ever tell her little brother that she had one night picked up his phone in curiosity and read messages from a guy called D.

Anna frowned looking over to the closed doors and wondered for one second if it could possibly be true. Was the world that crazy or was it about to even crazier?

A/N: A little angst to show how troubled Castiel really is…

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