Sebastian of course, being Sebastian, noticed there was a problem practically before Blaine finished the thought process that had started the fast approaching panic attack in the first place.

"Okay...Kurt's apparently off the list of acceptable topics of discussion. Got it," he murmured, reaching forward and gripping Blaine by the wrist, pulling him into the kitchen. Jeff and Trent glanced up from where they were, leaning against the counter. "What's the matter?" Jeff asked worriedly, taking a couple tentative steps forward.

"I have no idea," Sebastian replied, shooting a concerned glance at Blaine as he led him to the counter beside Jeff. "Apparently the Diva is still a sore subject?" he asked uncertainly. Blaine cringed.

Trent winced. "You still haven't talked to him?" he asked Blaine quietly. "You're not doing yourself any favors, you know."

Sebastian was staring at the four of them, arms folded across his chest. "Why do I feel like I'm missing something really important here?" he demanded.

Jeff glanced uneasily at Blaine, who was staring blankly at the counter. His hands kept clenching into fists. Blaine purposely forced them flat against the counter, breathing unsteadily. "I screwed up," he whispered. "I ruined it. I ruined us."

Sebastian looked even more bewildered. "I knew there was some sort of tension," he said, drumming his fingers against the counter. "I thought it was the distance and lack of time. Or you finally realized you deserved better."

Blaine let out a soft moan and buried his head in his hands on the counter.

"Sebastian!" Trent snapped, glaring. "Show a little tact. Things aren't good between them right now."

"I sort of gathered that," Sebastian said dryly.

"You said you didn't know where you stood with him..." Jeff commented quietly. "Back when you first came to see us. I wasn't sure what you meant by that. It's...more than just the distance, isn't it?"

"Blaine..." Trent said nervously, as Blaine wearily raised his head and stared at the four of them. "You know you don't have to say anything you don't want to, right?"

Trent was a good friend, Blaine thought idly. Trent knew some of it, and he apparently hadn't breathed a word. Blaine had spilled some of it to Trent long before he ever came back to Dalton. Back when Trent had betrayed the Warbler's and stood up against the steroid use. Back when Blaine had been desperate for someone to talk to, and Trent had been reeling himself from the decision to turn his back on all his friends. It had been for their own good, but it hadn't been an easy decision by any means. He should really thank Trent later.

Sebastian still had the look of a person trying to put a puzzle together when half the pieces were missing. "I do have to admit, I did think the Diva...Kurt...would have been here to help you through this no matter what minor drama you two were going through," he said contemplatively. "I mean, I kind of always assumed you were, like, practically soulbonded or something. If that were actually a thing."

Blaine bit his lip, trying desperately to maintain control. He made this nightmare. He should be able to endure the consequences of his own actions. "He has his reasons," he replied, digging his nails into the palms of his hands. The pain was a relief. He wished he could cause more. He deserved more. "They're good ones."

"Apparently good enough that you don't mind punishing yourself over them," Sebastian observed, reaching out and grabbing both of his wrists. "Stop that."

Blaine let his fingers relax, but he shook his head hopelessly. "I deserve to punish myself," he whispered. "I deserve a lot worse than this..."

Sebastian shot Jeff a worried glance and turned to Trent and Nick. "Okay," he said quietly. "Here's what's going to happen. Jeff, Blaine, and I need to have a chat. Can you two hold down the fort until we get back? Our...guests should be arriving soon as well," he added. "Grab them when they come in."

Blaine had no idea who Sebastian was talking about, but Jeff looked equally unsure, so Blaine could at least count himself in good company.

Nick didn't even bat an eye however. He simply nodded and headed out the door, Trent trailing after him reluctantly, stealing nervous glances back at Blaine.

Sebastian turned his attention to Blaine. "We're going to my room, and we're going to talk," he declared. "Or, more accurately, you're going to talk, and we're going to listen. Because I think we just stumbled on part of your problem. And you can't keep going on like this. Blaine, please. Will you please just talk to us?"

Blaine nodded, because really, what choice did he have? Sebastian wouldn't let this go. He followed the other boys up a set of stairs and into Sebastian's room, sitting on the bed and staring silently at his hands. He felt a dull ache gradually increasing in his chest. Right now, the other boys seemed to like him and want to help him. But when they found out what he had done? The kind of person he was? They would be horrified. Disgusted. They would hate him. They would see why Kurt didn't want to have anything to do with him. They would know he was a lost cause. God, he hated himself.

Blaine was suddenly jolted out of his thoughts by two gentle hands grasping hold of his own and holding them. He hadn't even realized he had been grinding his nails into his skin again until the sharp pain was eased slightly by fingers rubbing against his palms.

Sebastian was on one side of him, Jeff on the other. They were both holding a hand and staring at him with concern.

Jeff let go of his hand first, but he didn't move away at all. "You want to tell us what that was all about?" he asked quietly. "You kind of looked like I did around the time I ended up in the hospital, and that is frankly scary as hell."

"All that disgust and anger..." Sebastian said softly. "You're directing it towards yourself, aren't you..."

Blaine couldn't even vocalize anything. He merely nodded.

Sebastian exhaled slowly. "Can you tell me why? Blaine...what happened with Kurt?" he asked gently.

Blaine shook his head vigorously, pulling his hand loose and hugging himself. "I can't..." he pleaded. "You'll hate me."

Sebastian bit his lip, looking lost. "Blaine..." he replied quietly, "I don't know what happened with Kurt. I don't know what you did, or what you think you did...but we're your friends, Blaine. No matter what. I can see whatever did happen is eating you up inside. So even if you hurt Kurt, I know you didn't do it purposely, or maliciously. And, well, we're kind of experts at mistakes and bad decisions we regret later here," he added, casting a slight, wry smile Jeff's way. Jeff smiled back slightly, slipping an arm around Blaine's shoulders. "You don't have to talk about it if you can't," he assured him, "But I think keeping it in is...hurting you worse, isn't it Blaine?"

Blaine leaned against him, too tired to fight anymore. Maybe just admitting it would be a release. At least them when they turned their backs on him he would have the verification he needed. It wasn't like it would come as a surprise. He was just prolonging the inevitable.

It was still agony, vocalizing those words. It felt like his throat had been scratched with sandpaper, just trying to force them out. He closed his eyes so he wouldn't have to see their reactions, their disappointment and disgust with him.

"I cheated on Kurt."

Hello lovely readers! I'm so sorry it's taken so long to get this chapter out. Things have been...less than great lately, and I'm struggling somewhat to keep myself on task. I haven't given up on Rebuilding though! There's still plenty more to come. I hope you all are still enjoying it.