Ella

What have I done?

I chant this over and over while I drive through the streets of Seattle like a crazy person. I am speeding towards the hospital where I know Jackson will be. He always shuts himself in his office when he is upset or angry. Why? I have no idea. He says the atmosphere of the hospital always calms him down.

I wipe my face which is still covered in tears. My eyes blur periodically when fresh ones appear in my eyes.

I have made a mess of things. I made a mess of our relationship for what? For a man who won't ever settle down with me? For a man who says he loves me, but won't leave his wife?

I am a fool. I am a whore. I ran back to the life I was leading nineteen years ago. The realization makes me cry harder. I frantically wipe my tears on the back of my hand when I see the hospital in the distance.

I need to talk to him. I need to tell him I love him. I love him, but I am not in love with him like he is with me. I want to give him my whole heart. The heart I gave to Chris but he will never give his whole heart in return. I see that now. I need to be with Jackson. I need to tell him that I made a horrible mistake, and that I choose him.

I spot his parking space and I breathe a sigh of relief when I see his silver BMW parked in his spot.

I park next to his car and quickly jump out of my seat and run to the hospital. I run at full speed to the elevator, ignoring the calls of concern from my coworkers, I frantically hit the button for the fourteenth floor. The doors finally open and I hurry into the elevator and impatiently wait for the doors to open.

I try to straighten my hair and clothes. I wipe my eyes once more on my shirt sleeve and try to get my breathing under control. I take a couple of deep breaths and slowly exhale. The elevator dings and I stumble out into the hallway and powerwalk to his office door.

I look into the window of his door and see him with his head in his hands. Papers are thrown all over his desk, and his computer open in front of him. I take a deep breath and quietly knock on his door.

I see his head whip up from his hands and when he spots me in the window, he closes his eyes tightly and he clenches his teeth. My shoulders sag and I feel shame hit me once more.

He opens his eyes and stares at me impassively.

I place my hands on the door beside my head and choke back a sob.

"Jackson please," I whisper.

He shakes his head, then he bangs his fist on his desk and gets out of his seat and walks to the door. I stare at his eyes, never breaking contact with him until he opens the door. I take my arms and cross them over my chest and bite my lip.

"Can I please talk to you," I beg.

"What do you want Ella?" he hisses.

"I just want to explain. Please Jackson," I whisper.

"What the hell is there to explain? You fucking cheated on me with that asshole. What else is there to talk about?" he says loudly.

He freezes when he sees another doctor stops to stare at him. I blanch and look all around me. Everyone stops what they are doing and stares at us in confusion. He yanks me inside of his office and closes the door behind him, leaving me all alone in his room.

I walk slowly to one of the chairs that sits in front of his desk and take a seat. I glance around the familiar room and take everything in. I look at the walls and spot multiple pictures of us hanging there. A tear slips from my eye when I see one in particular.

Jackson is holding me from the side, while placing a tender kiss on the top of my nose. The picture was taken a couple of months of our relationship. I sob into my hands, remembering that moment. The time when he said he loved me.

That was the first time he said it.

Tears are streaming down my face when I hear the door open and close. I hear him walk over to his desk and takes a seat. He doesn't say anything. We sit there in silence. All you can hear is my gentle sobs. I try to compose myself and rub my face once again with my shirt. I look up at him and he is staring at his desk. Hands resting on top of each other in front of him.

"What do you want Ella?" he says defeated.

"I just want..," my lips tremble as I talk.

"I want to say how sorry I am. I know the word sorry isn't good enough. I just want you to know that I love you Jackson. I love you so much, and I am so sorry I hurt you," I choke.

"You love me?" he chuckles miserably.

"Yes, I do," I nod frantically.

"You don't cheat on people you love Ella," he scoffs.

"I know," I whisper.

He shakes his head again and looks at the wall. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He looks at me and suddenly a lone tear slips out of his eye. I rush to him and place my hands on his face and kiss his lips. He tries to struggle out of my grasp but I hold his head firmly in place and rest my forehead on top of his. We stare into each other's eyes and I can see the hurt and pain in his. I am sure he sees shame and anguish in mine.

"I loved you so much Ella," he chokes.

I whimper and nod my head gently.

"I love you too Jackson," I murmur.

"You say that Ella, but I know you are not in love with me. Not like you are in love with him," he spits out the last word.

I whimper again and fresh tears streaming down my face once more. We sit like this for a couple of minutes. Both of us silently crying. After a few moments, he takes me by the waist and sets me on his lap, so I straddle him. I look at him in confusion.

"I need you one last time. I love you Ella. I will always love you, but I can't be with you. We both know it won't work in the end. I love you too much, that I am willing to let you go. I am going to cherish the time we spent together. I will always remember what we had," he whispers while he gently undresses me.

I cry into his shoulder while he slowly sinks into me. I circle his head with my arms and kiss his face while he slowly makes love to me one last time.

He kisses me so tenderly. Our tears streaming down both our faces while he slowly thrust into me. We sit there making love in his office until we have nothing left.

I love him. He loves me, but the sad part is that we were truly never meant to be.

I slowly park my car in the parking garage of my apartment building a couple of hours later. I place my arms on the steering wheel and set my head onto my arms. I just left his office for the last time. We sat there and held each other for hours. He told me he was looking into transferring to Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston. He got a job offer there a couple of months ago, but he turned it down because he didn't want to leave me. After everything that happened, he called over there before I came to see him and took the job offer. I cried harder when he told me. I know working in Boston was a dream of his, but he didn't want to leave without me. He turned down his dream job to be with me. A women who couldn't love him completely. A women who is broken and weak. A women who is in love with another man.

He kissed me on the forehead one last time before I walked out of his office and shut his door quietly. I don't even remember how I got from there to here.

I caused this. I caused all of his pain. I caused him to leave a women that he was in love with. I cause him to leave with a broken heart. I can never forgive myself for what I have done to him. I don't deserve him. I think I never really did in the first place.

I jump suddenly when I hear a loud knock on the window. I look over to my left and see Chris standing there with a concerned look on his face. I sigh and try to wipe my face the best I can. I take a deep breath and open the window.

"What are you doing here?" I murmur.

"I was worried Ella. God, you scared the shit out of me. I have been calling you for hours. Where have you been? Are you alright?" he tries to touch my face but I turn my head away.

"Now, is not the time Chris. Can you please go," I rub my face, having no energy left.

"No, I am not leaving you when you are like this. Come, let's go upstairs". He says firmly.

He opens my door and tries to get me out of the car but I snatch my arm out of his grasp and look at him like he has grown three heads.

"I am not going anywhere with you Chris. Did you not see what just happened? I just broke my boyfriend's heart! And for what? For you? For a guy who doesn't love me? For someone who won't even leave his motherfucking wife!" I yell.

He looks at me dumbfounded.

"I can't believe I did this. I can't believe I lost the best thing that ever happen to me. I love Jackson and what did I do? I slept with my sons' father. I slept with him for months! Why Christian? Why!" I break down and sink to my knees and hold my head in my hands and weep.

Chris kneels down and sets me in his lap and cradles my head to his chest. I hit his chest repeatedly while saying Jackson's name over and over again. Chris just sits there and tries to soothe me by saying sorry over and over again in my ear.

"I hate myself. I hate what I did to him," I whimper in his chest.

"I'm so sorry Ella." He starts to say but I have none of it.

I push him back and he lands on his ass. He looks up at me in surprise.

"You need to leave. Go back to your wife," I glare at him.

"Ella…," he says astounded but I cut him off.

"LEAVE!" I yell.

He closes his eyes in defeat and slowly stands up to his feet.

He stands there looking at me with pain etched on his face, while my face is etched with anger. Mainly at myself for letting this happen.

"I know you won't believe me, but I am truly sorry for what I did. It was wrong and I am sorry. I am so so very sorry," he whispers.

I see his eyes turn glassy, but before I can say anything else he walks away with his shoulders slumped forward and his head down.

I whimper and run to my apartment in tears hoping to find anything to take the pain away. The pain of losing a man that I loved. A man that I broke. I broke his heart because deep down, there lies a women who is still broken herself.

? POV

I watch as the delicious slut run inside of the apartment building in tears. I watch her enter the building from my hiding spot across the street. I place the cigarette on my lips and take a long pull of my Marlboro and inhale the addicting nicotine and savor the feeling it always gives me.

I flick the cig onto the ground and smile menacingly at the door she just entered and cock my head to the side.

Showtime.

AN: Here is the next chapter. There will be 5-10 chapters left of this story. I wanted to try to finish this story here soon, so I will try to update more than I have in the past. I hit a little writers block with this story, but I am confident and I have the rest planned out.

Thank you for all of the reviews for last chapter. I know some of you thought that Mia got away with her behavior too easily but trust me she got a talking to from Grace and Carrick. I just didn't want to write it into the story. Christian said all he needed to say to her and her behavior, trust me going in there guns blazing and yelling at her will not solve anything. It will just make the situation worse. I hope that chapter and this chapter didn't disappoint you.

I know some of you wont agree with what they did in the office but sometimes emotions make you do crazy things. Ella loves Jackson, but not the way he loves her. I know what she did was wrong and some of the reviews, and guest reviews, do not care for Ella and her actions. I just hope you all can forgive her in the end. I know Chris is selfish and he wants Ella for himself, but he is also learning. I think now he understands what he did, he broke up a relationship.

Anyway, who do you all think the mystery POV was? What do you guys think is going to happen next?

Thank you again for reading. I will try to update here soon. Please, if you haven't already, check out my new story. C&A AU, and completely different than than this story. I am excited about it, and I will do everything in my power to update and finish this story so I can write that one.

Pinterest will be updated soon. Still need to add some pins to this chapter.

Please review. :)