Chapter 25: Biloxi

A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it!

A/N: I will put this warning first so you can avoid this chapter if you like. There are some dark elements in this chapter (paedophilia, incest and self-harm) I won't be too graphic or anything but I just didn't want you to go in without some warning.

~ 0 ~

I wanted to help out Cain in any way possible and I did have an idea, but more immediately, I wanted Alice to know what I had done. She was my sister, and despite what Edward had said about my intentions, I had still robbed her of something. I didn't want to tell her around her family because I wasn't sure how she would react to my confession.

Edward and I dressed and went downstairs to see everyone again. I hadn't realised how much time I had wasted the night before by locking myself into my mind but everyone was ready for school. I wondered for a moment why Rosalie and Emmett were looking at me like I had sprouted an extra head, but then I realised that from their point of view I had fled the house like a madman with no explanation before becoming catatonic and they'd been offered no explanation for it. I smiled and offered them a quick apology.

Alice smiled and announced she wasn't going to school today, she gave me a quick glance and I sighed in relief. I was going to ask her to stay at home so I could have some privacy with her, but then again – she probably knew that. I wondered if she already knew what I was going to tell her. I didn't think so because I still hadn't figured out the best way to do it. Edward looked like he was going to do the same.

Edward, please go to school today.

I saw him shake his head a little.

I need to talk to Alice about this alone. I promise it will be okay.

"And what about your promise last night? Did you mean that? Do you still promise?"

What had I promised last night? Oh that's right... I nodded. There was no way I was going to build that kind of wall around myself again. I shivered at the thought and Edward laughed.

"Good." He slipped his arms around me and pulled me softly into him, kissing slowly at first but building in pressure and intensity. When he broke off the kiss he ran his mouth along my cheek until it hit my ear, "I love you Bella Cullen. You are my wife, you are my everything. Be safe." He kissed my forehead and jogged after his siblings to the car.

I stood rooted to the spot with a loopy grin on my features. That was exactly what I needed to get through today. Alice waited patiently next to me. I turned to her, "Where's Esme?"

"She went to the hospital with Carlisle today."

I nodded. I heard Edward's car turn from the gravel onto the highway. Alice and I were totally alone.

"Now, do you mind explaining what happened yesterday?" Alice asked. "I've tried to get a vision of it, but I can't. You didn't hurt me you know."

I sighed, "We may as well get comfortable." I swept my hand toward the sofa. "Sit."

She laughed because she knew as well as I did sitting or standing made no difference to our comfort levels. But I was still trying to cling to the some old human habits. And sitting when getting or giving bad news was one of them.

"Alice, how much do you know about my gift?"

"Just that it's like mine, but probably more accurate considering you see the past which can't change." She laughed her tinkling laugh.

"Well, it can't, except when it can."

"And here I thought Edward and I had the corner on talking in riddles."

"I changed two things yesterday. What I mean to say is I caused them to happen yesterday, but they have been the way they are now for years."

She screwed up her face as she tried to work out my logic, "Like?"

"Well, last night I shifted into Edward's past. A couple of times actually, but once in particular. He was at the hospital in Chicago... dying." I almost choked on the word, I could still see Edward in my mind, pale, clammy and almost at peace. "Carlisle gave him some pain relief and walked past him onto the next patient, leaving him to die."

"But Carlisle saved him."

I shook my head. "It's so much easier to show it like I can with Edward, rather than telling you about it. It's difficult to explain."

"Why don't you try showing me?"

"I don't know if that's..." I trailed off. I had shown Elizabeth hadn't I? Surely I could show Alice the same way. I just didn't know if it worked the same way when I wasn't in the past. I was worried that maybe I could hurt Alice more than I already had. I didn't want to inadvertantly take her vampire memories too.

"I think whatever you are thinking will work," Alice said, then she cocked her head to the side, "but I can't see anything past you showing me the vision."

"That's because you'll have one doozy of a decision to make," I muttered. Then I continued, "I don't know how to do it properly, I haven't tried it out really."

"Give it a try," she said, "I know you'd never hurt me."

Not intentionally, I thought.

I held up my hands to her face and closed my eyes, concentrating on sharing my vision with her. It was so much easier doing this on instinct rather than with conscious thought, but if I relied on instinct I risked going too far – like I had before.

I was determined to show her what happened with Edward first so that she understood that the past could be changed, even though it is already set, but without risking her anger. I put my hands beside her head, this seemed to focus my attention better. I closed my eyes.

I felt the shift as I entered into the memory, and felt Alice's consciousness slip with me. She wasn't present as such and we couldn't interact but I could feel her as the scene progressed in front of us. We reached the part where Carlisle walked past Edward's bed. I saw myself running, screaming, sobbing but couldn't process the same emotions, not now that I knew without any doubts that Edward was safe. I had fixed it. The past version of me walked over to Elizabeth and put my hands beside her head. I allowed the same memories to fill me now so Alice would understand what I was doing.

I pulled back to present and opened my eyes.

"What did you do to that woman?" Alice asked.

"That was Edward's mother. I showed her some memories of Edward and I and told her that Carlisle could save her, showed her how."

"Why?"

"Because it was going to change."

"You think Carlisle would have just kept walking if you hadn't done that?" Alice asked, her face a mask of shock. I worried what the next memory might do to her... to us.

I nodded. "I don't know how I know but I just do. But I think it's like a loop, it happened because I did it and I was supposed to do it. If I consciously decided not to do it, the loop would have been broken and the events changed. It's like I am working on behalf of destiny." I shook my head. That made it sound much more grand than it actually was.

I saw her processing that for a few minutes. Then she seemed to come to terms with it and smiled encouragingly at me. "Okay, but you said you changed two things yesterday. What's the other?"

"Can I show you again?" I didn't think I could make the words to try to explain it.

She nodded before clutching my hand lightly. "It's okay, Bella."

I hoped she still thought that in a little while. I closed my eyes again and returned my hands to the air on either side of her mind, I felt the pull and swallowed back the venom that had risen with my nerves.

I watched again as Nicholas was pulled from Alice and killed by James. I watched again as James shook his head in disgust at Alice before running away. And I watched again as I knelt behind Alice's head and stripped every one of her painful memories away.

As I returned to present, I pulled my hands back to myself quickly and turned my head down to look at them. I wasn't ready for whatever look Alice had on her face. We sat silently, curiosity burned through me but I couldn't bring myself to raise my eyes to hers. Her breathing was unsteady and she sat motionless, there wasn't even a whisper of movement from the couch beside me.

When she finally spoke her voice had no volume, it was quieter than her breath shifting the air. "What did you do?"

"I'm sorry, Alice," I breathed back. I couldn't find any volume either.

"No, Bella, I mean..." she spoke with a little more volume, "What did you do?"

Then I understood. Just like with the scene in the hospital, she didn't see my memory with the same filter Edward did. Edward could hear my thoughts, Alice just witnessed the memory.

"I'm the reason you can't remember anything before waking up," I admitted. "I saw you lying there screaming for him and I just...I couldn't stand..." I broke down into tearless sobs.

"What are you trying to tell me, Bella?" She sat silently for a minute, I looked at her face her eyes were vague, she was having a vision. I waited for her to return, she looked mildly frustrated. I turned away from her again, bracing for the anger. She exhaled shakily. "You took my memories?"

I nodded and sobbed again.

"Why?"

"I saw you in pain and I just didn't think. My instincts took over and I wanted to protect you from the pain. I started to remove the painful memories, but every one of your human memories was laced with pain."

I sat motionless, still too afraid to look at her. Her fingers found my chin and pulled it towards her face. There was no anger, only awe.

I was confused. "Aren't you upset?"

She chuckled. "I probably should be."

I couldn't help laughing a little, but it was nothing more than a soft, nervous chuckle. "I would be."

"Bella, I know you did what you thought was best based on what was in front of you at the time. We've all done that, just look at the situation with James."

"But that wasn't your fault Alice. You had no way of knowing how sadistic he was."

She looked sad. "Maybe, maybe not. My point is everyone makes mistakes. And, I guess I have just had so many years of not having those memories, I don't know what I'm missing."

I didn't know what to say.

"But you know what, it's a good thing really," Alice continued, a new decisive tone in her voice.

I looked at her in shock. "Why?" I forced out.

"Because you can give them back to me if I want – like you did with Elizabeth." She paused. "Can't you?"

"I don't know, I think so, but this is all so new to me. I don't know what I can or can't do. But I do know I can feel your memories."

"Do you know what was in them?"

I shook my head. "I just felt for pain. I'm not going to go through your life, Alice."

"Can you?"

"Why?"

She sighed. "I'm happy with my life, with Jasper and my family. I have wanted to know more about my human life but if these memories were so painful you instinctively wanted to shield me from them...I don't know if I want them back. But maybe you could look at them? Relive them for me. Maybe once I know what they contain I can decide."

"Alice, are you sure?"

"Seeing the future gives me certain...advantages. Now that I know the paths I can see that if you return my memories to me I will be in pain, I don't know what over but I can see myself in absolute agony. But if you don't return them I will always wonder. This third path is uncertain because you haven't decided what to do yet but it seems to best option."

"You're really not mad at me?"

"Not if you'll help me."

I pulled her into a hug, "Anything if it means you won't be mad at me."

We talked for a little while longer about my visions and her memories and then I walked to my bedroom. I was going to spend the rest of the day going through Alice's memories. I couldn't help the part of me that felt like a voyeur.

~ 0 ~

I was in a bedroom, a small white bed sat under the window. A young girl, who couldn't have been much older than four, lay sleeping on it. As I walked past her, I found it easy to resist the call of her blood. She was so small and fragile. Her features were thin and her arms looked as though they might snap if the wind blew too hard. I guessed if she was standing her dark hair would fall to about shoulder length but at the moment it splayed out behind her on the pillow. I turned my back on the sleeping figure and looked around the room. It was sparse, there weren't many furnishings, just lots of home-made toys and knitted dolls. Obviously the occupants of this house had little money but lots of love.

I heard a small noise behind me and turned to see the small girl was awake.

"Who are you?" she asked, her eyes focused directly on me. I turned quickly on the spot, there was no one behind me. How could she see me.

"Bella?" she said.

I nodded, feeling caught out.

"I like you, Bella."

"I like you too, Alice." I whispered.

"My name's Mary. I'm Mary Alice Brandon."

"I'm sorry, Mary. How old are you?"

"I'm turning five on my next birthday. Momma's giving me a purple birthday party."

Even though she was so young her personality was infectious, I couldn't help smiling at her. "That sounds like fun. Are you going to invite your friends over?"

She scrunched her eyebrows at me like she didn't know what I was talking about. Then she gasped. "Daddy's coming."

I strained my ears but I couldn't hear a sound. I watched as she lay back down in bed and squeezed her eyes tightly shut. She rolled onto her side and pulled the blankets right up to her chin.

I heard a creak on a floorboard down the hall and the sound of a bed shifting as someone stood off it. The young girl snuck a quick look out of one eye.

"Please go," she whispered to me. But I couldn't. I was transfixed, wondering why I took this memory when it was so peaceful. I know I had imprinted myself into it now, but even then young Alice didn't seem upset by my presence. She was only worried her father would see me, but I knew he wouldn't. I wasn't sure why Alice could see me, but I could only assume it was a mix of her latent ability and young age. Didn't people always say children were much more intuitive? I sunk back against the wall, wanting to watch this little Alice for as long as possible, she was so much like my Alice despite the differences in size. I may have stolen her memories, but I didn't steal one ounce of her personality.

I heard footsteps coming down the hall and the bedroom door creaked open, allowing a slit of light to enter. Alice's father was tan to the point of being sun-weathered and highly muscled but wiry and thin. He obviously spent a lot of his time outside. I watched as he walked over to Alice's bed and lightly stroked her face. At first I thought it was a loving gesture because he had heard his daughter talking and wanted to check on her, like Renee and Charlie used to with me. But the way Alice flinched away from his touch made my instincts flare. He continued to stroke her face gently with his right hand while his left hand pulled the blankets back down off her small body. I heard her whimper softly.

"Shh, remember you mustn't wake Momma. This is our little secret. Momma will be very cross with you if you tell."

I felt sick, I wanted to tear this man limb from limb but all I did was swipe through air. I reeled. I wanted to protect Alice from this. I threw myself from the room and into what I assumed was her parents room, it was where her father had walked from. Her mother was lying in bed, eyes closed tight but she wasn't asleep, her breathing was too uneven. I placed my hands beside her head and replayed the scene I had just witnessed. She flinched away from it, but didn't move. She scrunched her eyes tighter and gave a tiny sob. My entire mind was filled with the sounds of Alice's whimpers and I knew I was utterly unable to help her.

~ 0 ~

I shifted back, my eyes stung and my breathing hitched. How could I tell Alice about this? Not for the first time I wished I had a physical form when I went back in these memories so I could rip him to pieces. I didn't want to see any more but I had to do what Alice asked me to though. I closed my eyes and shifted into another memory.

~ 0 ~

I was in front of a small but picturesque farmstead. It was like a postcard or a billboard for an old-fashioned way of life. A rope-swing hung from the oak tree out the front. Two little girls came running from the front door, one was a tiny little thing of about six or seven, with long, flowing, black hair and pixie-like features. She danced and bounced around the other, who was obviously younger, despite being a little taller and more broad. The younger one had brown hair pulled into plaits on either side and stalked along while the other flittered around her.

"C'mon Cinnie," the little one called, "she'll be here soon. Then I'll show you."

"Mary, momma' s told you to stop lying about that lady."

Alice raised her head and looked at me. "Lying? Then who's that?" She pointed in my direction.

"I don't see no-one," the other one said. Cynthia I realised based on what Alice had told me of her personal research.

"She's right there." Alice said, pointing in my direction shaking her head like her sister was crazy. She gave me an apologetic smile.

"There's no one there. I'm going back inside," Cynthia pouted.

Alice watched after her in confusion. When she turned back to me her eyes were sad, the green-grey colour looking like an angry sea. I decided I would try to talk to this Alice about what I saw last in my last vision but I needed her trust first. She walked over to a log and sat down on it. I followed and crouched in front of her. She put her elbows on her knees and tucked her hands under her chin.

"Why is she lying?" Alice asked me.

I tried to smile as sweetly as possible given the circumstances. "She might not be, sweetie. Not everyone can see me." In fact you're the only one. "Only special people can see me."

She smiled back at me, staring at my face with curiosity. After a few seconds she said, "Bella, you're eyes are very pretty."

I smiled at her. "The colour doesn't upset you?" I asked. "You don't find it scary?"

"Nope. Red is my favourite colour in the whole world."

I laughed. "Is it really?"

"Yeah, what's yours?"

"My favourite colour changes all the time."

"What is it at the moment?"

"Blue, at the moment I think."

Alice looked at me questioningly.

"It's the colour of the sky, the colour of freedom."

"Are you my sister Bella? You're very old to be my sister."

"Why would you say I'm your sister?"

"I don't know." She looked confused again. "I see things sometimes. I can see that you're my sister, but not like Cinnie. You're a different kind of sister."

"That's right. When you are older, like me, then we'll be sisters."

"That's good. I'm glad I've got a sister as nice as you. Cinnie isn't very nice to me most of the time."

"That's not fair," I stated. "Why not?"

"She thinks I'm a freak. Everyone does. They say I'm a liar too, but I ain't never lied." She stuck her chin out defiantly and I couldn't help but chuckle.

"I don't think you're a liar. I think you are very talented. You know, when you're older like me..."

"When we're sisters?" she interrupted.

I smiled at her again. "Yeah, then there will be lots of people who love you and none of them think you are a liar either."

"Will I be married?"

"Do you want to get married?"

"I don't know, I guess so, that's what you do when you get older."

"Well, I'll tell you a secret – yes, you are married. To a very nice man. One who is wonderful and kind and..." I leaned forward conspiratorially, "talented like you."

"He can see stuff too?"

"Not quite, but he's very special."

"What does he look like?"

"Oh, he's very tall, very handsome and has lovely blonde hair. And when you meet him he'll have eyes the same colour as mine, but they'll change over time."

"Eyes that change colour? You're lyin'."

I put on a face of mock indignation. "I never lie. Can I show you something? I promise I won't hurt you."

She nodded. "I know you won't."

I put my hands up to her face and showed her a memory of my teenage human self. She seemed completely unphased by the vision.

"She's pretty too. She looks a little bit like you."

"That is me."

"But her eyes are brown."

"I told you...eyes that change colour." I smiled at her. "You and I are very special and we belong to a very special family. We all look after each other. We all love each other."

She looked towards the house, her eyes turned sad again. I wondered what she was thinking but I saw this as an opportunity to ask the question which I already knew the answer to, even though that answer was more disturbing than anything else.

"Mary?" The name sounded so unfamiliar on my tongue.

"Mmm-hmm,"

"Does your daddy still sneak into your room at night?"

She took off like a fox in a hunt straight back towards the house without turning back to look at me. I took that as a yes.

~ 0 ~

The same two girls were standing in front of the same farmhouse. I hadn't been able to find a single memory of Alice's that didn't involve this house. I wondered if she had gone anywhere else in her childhood. The girls were older now, the one with the long black hair looked maybe thirteen and the other one towered over her.

The black haired girl had a rucksack over her shoulder. "C'mon Cinnie, come with me please? It's not safe here."

"You're a liar, Mary. You've always been a liar. Daddy's never hurt me."

"But he might once I've gone." Her voice was broken. "Please. Please Cinnie."

"No, and I'm telling momma what you are doing."

"You wouldn't dare." The defiance streak was back in her eyes.

"Momma!" Cynthia shouted. She opened her mouth to call again just as Alice's fist connected with her face.

"I am not a liar."

Cynthia glared back at Alice. "You...hit... me!"

Alice's face softened. "I'm sorry, Cinnie, you... you just can't call momma."

Cynthia glared at her.

"I need to go, please, please, please come with me!"

Cynthia turned on her heels and ran back to the house shouting. "Momma!"

Once we were alone Alice turned to me. "Bella, take me away, please? Take me with you. Let me be your sister now. I need to get away. It's...it's getting worse."

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I don't know how. But if I could, I would. I would take you far away from here. You deserve better than this Alice."

"It's Mary," she hissed back as her mother came running from the house, holding a belt.

Her mother lashed her hard across her tiny face with the belt. Then she pulled her close. "Mary. I don't know why you make us do these to you. Why you can't just be a good girl and be quiet?"

Alice fell to the ground sobbing.

~ 0 ~

Alice's bedroom had changed since my last visit. All the hand-made toys were packed away. There was nothing personal on display. None of Alice's flair that I was so used to existed. Alice sat on her plain bed crying. An angry red welt crossed her delicate features, exactly where her mother had struck her with the belt earlier and I felt sick. I knew I couldn't give her any actual physical comfort so I did the next best thing - the only thing I was able to think of. I walked over to her and shared a memory of us embracing after my wedding.

"Thanks, Bella," she whispered. "I know you'd do more if you were able to. But it's going to happen tonight and I...I can't do anything to stop it. Momma doesn't care about me enough to stop it. She... she calls me a liar." She was sobbing by the time she finished.

Her head snapped up and she wailed, clutching her face and pulling her hair. "He's coming home now."

I barely had time to consider her words when I heard a truck pulling up out the front. The door slammed and uneven footsteps walked to the front door. If I had to guess I would say whoever the footsteps belonged to was drunk. This was confirmed a few minutes later when Alice's bedroom door flew open before being slammed behind her drunken father. He smelled more strongly of alcohol than Chris Markson had when he'd attacked me.

Alice whimpered and forced her feet into the bed, pushing herself backwards before pressing herself tightly into the corner of her room as if she were trying to climb inside the wall to hide. He staggered straight over to her bed.

"Momma told me what you did today? Why do you have to do things to make her so cross?"

He stroked her hair, I could see her quake under his touch. Trembling and whimpering each time his fingers touched her. I wanted to get him off her, to get him to leave her alone. I put my hands on either side of his head and filled my mind with Edward's snarls and growls, with Alice's face twisted into a feral snarl – from when she was proving to Edward she could take care of me before taking me to Phoenix. I ran them through my head and pushed all of them into him. A warning, the only kind of warning I could give him.

"What the fuck!" He jumped off Alice's bed and for a moment I thought I had won but then he shook his head to clear it and climbed back onto Alice's bed. I tried again but he ignored it.

"No, Bella, it won't work," Alice whispered, her voice chilled as ice.

"What did you say?"Alice's father said as he pulled on her legs.

She screamed and he clamped his hand over her mouth.

"Don't make your momma mad again," he said and ran his fingers across the welt on her cheek. Then he licked it and I shuddered, I tried to throw myself at him but again felt nothing but air. I tried the memories again but he was too drunk to even notice them anymore.

"Just go, Bella," Alice whispered under her breath. Her eyes shut down becoming hard and emotionless as her mind fell back into itself for protection from what was about to come.

~ 0 ~

I was in the small bathroom of Alice's house. Alice had grown since the last vision, she looked more like a young woman than a little girl, but still couldn't have been more than fifteen. She stood facing the mirror, clutching a clump of her long black hair roughly in one hand. Her other hand held a razor blade. Her eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, she'd obviously been crying.

She pulled at her hair as she raised the razor blade into it, hacking roughly at her locks. She twisted the blade deftly around and swapped hands.

"He said it was beautiful, Bella," she spat as she hacked the blade through another part. "He said he liked it long. I can't even look at myself without thinking of him."

I didn't know what to say so I just tried to offer her some comfort. "I'm sorry you have to deal with this, Alice. I'd take you away if I could."

She hacked and ripped at her hair, slicing into it roughly. Soon her long hair lay around her feet, the hair remaining was cropped closely to her face, shorter than I had ever seen it. The sun came through the window and glinted off the blade. Alice looked at it with a strange look on her face. Time slowed down as I realised what she was going to do.

"No!" I screamed.

She twisted the blade around and raised her other arm in front of her. She pressed the tip of the blade into her skin, pushing with more pressure until droplets of blood began to bubble up around the blade. The smell was too much for me, sending me into a frenzy. Fire ripped through my throat.

~ 0 ~

I snapped back to reality, Edward was staring at me with a look of concern on his face. I hadn't realised I had been looking through Alice's memories for long enough for him to be home already.

"Was that one of Alice's memories?" he asked softly.

I nodded and put my forehead against his shoulder. I took a deep breath, although his scent didn't quell the fire it helped centre my mind a little. "She wanted me to look through them and help her decide whether or not she wants them back."

"Yeah, she was thinking about that when we got home. Why was she doing that?"

I squeezed my eyes shut. If I was human tears would have been streaming down my face. It hurt me that my sister and friend had suffered so much in her short life and that I could do nothing to stop it. When I first learned that Alice had spent time in an asylum, I thought that had to be the worst part of her life. Now I wondered. I knew from documentaries that some of those asylums treated patients notoriously badly and the dark room I had seen Alice in didn't seem comfortable, but surely it couldn't be worse than the unloving home she had grown up in. I started to sob.

Edward's hands were around my back and he was pulling me close to him,. "Calm down, love."

"I can't Edward, it's just so horrible. There's just so much hurt."

"Nothing is going to change if you don't finish looking at these memories tonight. Why don't you try pulling up someone else's? Something happy – one of mine?"

"No. I can't. I think I just need to hunt." My throat was burning still from the scent of Alice's fresh, warm pulsating blood. Just thinking about it made me shift back into the memory.

~ 0 ~

The smell was rich and succulent, but it worried me because it was everywhere. I opened my eyes to see Alice with no less than fifteen cuts along her arm. Once she was aware of me, she slid her tongue along her arm.

"I just wanted to know what it tasted like, Bella. You seemed so hungry before when you smelled it, I wanted to know why."

She pressed the blade into her skin again, wincing as it pierced the skin.

"Alice, don't...please don't," I sobbed, the scent of her blood burned my throat and I sobbed with my own pain as much as for hers.

Her blood was running in rivers on the bathroom floor. She stood and stumbled towards the bathroom door, pushing it open while I remained rooted to the spot. "The name is Mary," she whispered hoarsely as she pushed it open.

I heard her walk down the hall laughing madly, "Momma! Look what I did."

Her mother's piercing shriek filled the bathroom.

~ 0 ~

I pushed myself back away from the memory and buried myself into Edward's shoulder. He picked me up and carried my down the stairs and straight out the door with me sobbing against him the whole way. As he walked I felt myself shifting again.

~ 0 ~

Alice was in her bedroom with her head resting against the wall behind her and her knees drawn up into her chest. Her hair was still short, but had grown out a little. As always she seemed to know precisely the second I would arrive, she looked over to me her green-grey eyes dead, emotionless.

"You know what the worst thing is?"

I shook my head.

"No one believes me. About anything. Ever since I was little no one believed that you were real, that what I see was real, that what he does is real. Despite it happening again and again they still think I am lying."

"They don't, there are people who know the truth. But they're just scared and they don't understand. Or something."

"They understand alright - I'm a freak."

I smiled at her then held my hands to her temples showing her the memory of Edward and I at the restaurant in Port Angeles, me saying that my brain was didn't work right – that I was a freak.

She laughed a hard laugh. "Well, let's be freaks together." She pushed a bottle of something to her lips and took a deep swig. As she pulled it away I could smell the alcohol, it smelled worse than normal to me, dirty or contaminated somehow.

"Relax, Bella, it's just a little hooch," she shook the bottle. "Moonshine? It's Daddy's." She spat the name out before taking another deep gulp. I looked at her arm and there were dozens of new razor marks along the length of it. She pulled the sleeves on her sweater down and shot me another quick glance.

"I wish you wouldn't hurt yourself. You're very precious to me, Alice."

"You know, I've told you before, my name is Mary," she glared at me balefully, but then grinned. "But you can call me Alice. I hate being Mary. Alice will be my new name...when I leave this stink hole." She threw the bottle across the room and it smashed into the wall. She walked over and picked up the pieces of glass, crushing them between her fingers. I could smell the fresh blood as the glass pierced her skin.

~ 0 ~

I hated that I was sharing these memories with Edward, he didn't need to witness his beloved sister that way and it wasn't fair to Alice, but I couldn't send him away, not now that I had his scent to comfort me between shifts. It was ridiculous, I was the one who told him I wanted to hunt and here I was practically comatose on the forest floor, with him clenching his nails into my arm because of how tense Alice's memories were making him. The worst part was I didn't even want to complain about the pain. I was enjoying the sensation of hurting too much, it made me feel closer to the broken Alice in my visions.

Despite everything, despite the pain and needing to hunt, I found I couldn't help but rush through as many of Alice's memories as possible, looking for one grain of happiness that I could offer her. But there was only one beacon of light in her life. One person she could actually talk to about her problems. Me.

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A/N – Oh god – I hated doing that to Alice! I love Alice. But, unfortunately, Alice is going to have to suffer some more before this is over with *SOB*

Also – I know you may be a little surprised Alice wasn't pissed with Bella about the whole memory thing but, well Alice is Alice & loves Bella & understands Bella wouldn't hurt her & lets just say the vision she had of getting her memories back without Bella looking through them first was pretty dreadful, because think about it if Bella never looked through the memories than the ONE person Alice had to rely on her entire human life (while still at home anyway) would never have existed. So when I started this chapter I thought Alice was going to be upset too but she just wasn't.

I wasn't going to but I have posted up another new story (I know – finish what you start first hey!) but I'm going to try not to continue with it too much until I have laid at least 1 of my 3 WIPs to rest. Truthfully I think it will be this one because it is the one screaming at me the loudest. I have to force the words on the other two at present (Carlisle's doctor in particular because Carlisle is currently stuck in Egypt but I need to see what 11 is like before I can decide whether or not to insert him in the story, I am in Aus & we haven't got the End of Time yet & I don't have a big enough internet limit to download & watch the eps online) I will get back to them & they both have ½ drafted chapters & plenty of ideas, it's just they're on mute at the moment because *this* Bella (and Alice) are being far too noisy. As a side-note (but kind of related) I was snooping around my stats today – would you believe I posted my first chapter of Blue Moon on October 23rd this year (a week after I started writing it) and since then I have penned (or typed if you want to be pedantic) over 400,000 words (after this chapter goes up anyway), sorry I know no-one cares about that but it blew me away when I saw it.

Anyways – sorry for the long A/N I just wanted to clarify some things :)

As always, love to know what you think. Also is there any particular character who people want to have Bella look into their past? I know one character will be eager for it (any guesses?) another character doesn't need it (surely no guesses needed on that one) but I'm interested in knowing if there are any you are particularly keen on :)