Author's Notes:

Shout-Outs:

Huntress of the Shadows - Don't sweat it. I was just funnin' ya. Yes, Aqualad is standing in for every guy I didn't like in high school. By the time I'm done with him, he will be the consummate jackass. As for Rae and the mistakes she's making – there's a reason. All should become clear in this episode.

New World Order – Sorry about that. I was updating it to make some attributions, and pasted the wrong text. Chapter 20 should be fixed now. Send up a flare if it's not.

Shugokage – Always good to hear from you. Glad you liked the shoulder angels. I've always thought the trope was funny, and after I saw it used in the Titan's short, I couldn't resist. It is, of course, a shout-out to the same scene in "Animal House," the classic movie from my now distant youth.

JohnXGambit – Not a spy. Merely a responsible sysadmin running a routine audit. Really.

Densharr – Glad you liked it. That's coming to a head soon, in the next chapter, in fact. The open loading door of a cargo plane over the Mojave Desert. Very thrilling. Sadly, already done to death in every James Bond movie ever made. But I'm gonna give it my own spin.

BoutsofInsanity42 – Here's the head's up you asked for. You may want to skip the chapter.

Hotaru – Hmmm. I see your points. From where I'm standing , though, Starfire is also a friend to Changeling. She doesn't want to leave him twisting in the wind. It's true: Raven's the most knowledgeable of the Titans in many ways. But knowledge does not translate directly into experience. Why she's making these mistakes should become clear in this chapter. I probably should have gotten to it sooner.

Katwizzle – Do the buckling of the seat belts.

Dylanbiancamano – Your wish is my command.

Theluckyshot – You can, can you? Well, let's just see if I can surprise you. Cyborg's intervention isn't in this chapter, but the next one. The actual explicit lemon is simply going to be omitted from the text. I'm working on getting an account on Adultfanfiction dot net, but I can't post yet. So when it's available, I'll let you guys know. It's not very steamy. Kinda clinical, actually. Although it does have the most convincing "you should wear a condom" talk in the history of lemons.

NicoletteSchmidt – If I'm doing it right, she should be the only one who's doing it. It's supposed to be symbolic of her refusal to see that he's grown up. I've got a funny scene in mind I'm going to re-work from Raven's Wedding that will fix that.

Thowell3, Alister Nightfoot, Dizzy, shingi echidna, ladyfelton1994,Anon, Dizzy, and Hairul – Sory about that. I shouldn't upload when I'm sleepy. It should be sorted now.

Whew – okay, let's see. Couple of pieces of housekeeping. Time was advancing too fast, and our characters were aging too quickly. There's a Halloween party coming up, and I didn't want to advance Raven and Changeling into their twenties. She's already 19. So that Winter Gala has been retconned into a Summer Solstice festival. I didn't have to change much but the décor.

The promised lemon is in this chapter, but I'm going to drop it. I just can't bring myself to publish it in this venue. It will be alluded to, so it won't break the plot, and when I get it placed on an appropriate site, I'll let ya'll know and you can check it out, if you'll double-dog-promise me you're not a minor. I just do not need some 15-year-old's papa showing up on my doorstep with a shotgun (or worse, a lawyer) because I was peddling smut to his minor daughter.

In this chapter, we have Raven's final two mistakes, and the clarity that comes from them. I think that we will hit the low point in this chapter, and after this, things will begin to lighten up. I am sorry about the folks I've run off, but you can't please everybody.

Looking down the road, we're going to see that as a matter of fact, Aqualad can go lower. Raven's nightmares are going to return. She's going to quit calling him "Beast Boy." We've got a really kickin' Halloween party to go to.

Thanks for sticking with me so far. Two chapters tonight, and maybe another one tomorrow. The muse is upon me. (Go ahead. Google 'muse.' I'll wait.)

"Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?"

"I do." Lamont Cranston

Raven had expected to feel relief when Beast Boy didn't press her on wanting to "talk about" or "process" their experience in the wilderness or harass her about her drunken episode. But she didn't. She'd also expected to feel excited and butterflies in her stomach for her approaching date. But she didn't. She just sort of moved through her day, content. Monday – Mumbo Jumbo. Tuesday – Cinderblock. Wednesday – Plasmus. Thursday – Blunderbuss. Friday – Kraken. She meditated each morning and evening. And things went quite . . . smoothly. He powers stayed well under control. Her combat skill training was machine-like. She avoided Beast Boy most of the time, but couldn't really remember why. He'd ceased to be annoying. She also started skipping breakfast again. All the starch made her logy and hurt her morning meditation. And all the chatter was distracting.

"And what value comes out of all that chit-chat, anyway? Pointless, really."

Friday came and she prepared for her date. She went into the bathroom she shared with Beast Boy and her hands went to her cloak clasp, and stopped.

"I showered this morning. There have been no alerts all day, and no training. I haven't sweated any to speak of. There's no point in showering again. She brushed her teeth and turned to her closet.

"Aqualad's made it perfectly clear he's sexually attracted to me. Dressing up is pointless."

She kept her leotard on. As Raven prepared to leave on her date, Cyborg continued his network audit.

"Look here," he said to himself, "Aqualad is using 70% more storage space than any other Titan. If it's work-related, I should allocate more space to him. It would be a failure in my responsibilities as sys admin not to check the contents of these folders."

Raven took the elevator down to the lobby, not particularly interesting in the banal greeting ritual that always passed between the boys when Aqualad came upstairs. As she rode, she came to a conclusion.

"My nervousness has gone away. I'm not afraid anymore, and I'm tired of being the last virgin in Titan Tower."

They went out to dinner at a chain pasta-place near the shopping district, and then to a movie. Raven had been quiet for most of dinner, letting Aqualad carry most of the conversation.

"This," she thought, "is tedious. I get enough save-the-planet from Beast Boy. I get it – we need a viable ecosystem so we'll have a place to live. Although having personally killed everyone on earth at least once, my feelings about life on this planet are a little skewed."

"Come to think of it," she continued in her head, "We're all going to die eventually, anyway. Anything we build will eventually break down. It's all pretty pointless."

When Aqualad asked what she'd like to see, she shrugged.

"They're all either derivative pieces spun off of concepts fifty years old or out-and-out remakes. If you look at it from the right perspective, we've seen them all already. Choosing between them is pointless."

Aqualad blinked, nonplussed. "Um, okay. How 'bout a romantic comedy?"

"Whatever," replied Raven.

It had been a Hugh Grant/Julia Roberts vehicle, utilizing all of the standard tropes. Raven had been able to see the "plot twists" coming a half hour in advance and predict almost line-for-line the tearful reconciliation at the end. Raven's sense of humor had never been well developed, but she wasn't able to see the point in any of this.

"Which is a little strange," she thought. "Because, this is professionally done. Well written, well directed, and well acted, it should have been trite, but entertaining. Perhaps I'm more nervous about later than I thought."

But she wasn't. As Aqualad pulled the rental car up to his favorite spot on the beach near Titan Tower, she didn't feel any butterflies. Her hands did not shake. She slid into the backseat without waiting for his invitation. He shrugged out of his jacket and carefully balanced his Titan communicator on the back of the seat on Raven's cloak.

"No point in being coy," she thought.

He leaned into her and they kissed. She found his lips to be acceptably moist, neither dry nor sloppy. His body temperature, so seemingly hot before was, she estimated, about 97.8. Well within the normal band for a human, or a dolphin, come to think of that. He kissed her jaw and his hands roamed her body. She ran her fingers through his hair, but could only assess that it was clean, well maintained, and he didn't seem to have any tangles or split ends.

He began to pull the collar of her leotard away from her neck. She grasped his hand. He was about to sigh in exasperation when he heard her say, "The zipper is in the back."

The next twenty minutes went as those things do for young people.

"So, how was it for you?" he asked.

"I'm not sure," was her response. "It was clinically interesting, but since it was my first time, I don't really have a reference for comparison. Okay, I guess."

His fast twisted up like he'd bitten a lime.

"Okay, huh? Well, it will get better with practice."

"I hope so," she replied, somewhat lost in thought.

He frowned and opened his mouth to speak, but she interrupted him.

"Could you run me back to the Tower?" she asked as she started putting on her under garments. "I should shower soon."

"Um, sure," he said, and reached for his pants.

"So," said Aqualad as Raven grabbed the door handle, "Same time next week?"

"I guess so," said Raven.

Shortly, Raven stood in the shower, carefully washing her pudendum inside and out.

"No point in getting a urinary tract infection over that," she thought. "I'll try it again and see if it improves, but that certainly wasn't worth the effort, or the trouble. Something must be missing, because I don't understand what the big deal is."

The next week pretty much went by the same as the week before. Raven processed villains like a freshly overhauled computer. Monday - Hive Five. Tuesday - Ding-Dong-Daddy. Wednesday: Control Freak. Thursday – Jonny Rancid. Friday – Dr. Light. At least, as far as her work went. With her friends it was a different story.

"Hey Raven," said Cyborg, one morning, "Waffles? Got a brand new olive wood mixing spoon spoon I'm dyin' to try out."

"No," she said flatly. "I don't need all those carbs. Herbal tea."

Cyborg's face fell. "Um, okay Raven. Whatever. Lemme know if you change your mind."

"Unlikely," she said in the same unchanging tone of voice.

Later:

"Friend Raven," said Starfire, "can we perhaps try again to contact the spirit world tonight?"

"They're not interested in talking to us, and they don't know anything we want to know. What's the point?"

"Because – it's fun to do with a friend-that-is-a-girl?"

"Starfire, we've been over this. I don't 'do fun.'"

Starfire looked at Raven. Hard. Then walked away, a thoughtful expression on her face.

But perhaps the most telling moment came Friday evening, as the team was watching the city police pack a carefully handcuffed Dr. Light into the prisoner transport.

"Capturing him was pointless," Raven said. "He'll only escape again. How many people will he hurt before we can catch him again?"

"Waddaya gonna do," said Cyborg ,"have him whacked?"

Raven cocked her head and said, "Well, it would be more efficient."

The Titan's laughed for a second, then stopped.

Changeling spoke first, "Raven? Are you serious?"

"I'm just saying . . ."

Robin interrupted her. "Heroes don't kill. What's gotten into you?"

"Nothing. I was just trying to see the point of all this running around when he's just going to get out again."

She leaned back and her eyes vanished into the shadows of her hood.

Her date with Aqualad had gone even more mechanically than the last one. They had gone to a local pasta chain, then for a little dancing, and then down to the spot on the beach. They'd had sex in the back of the car again and dressed silently. Aqualad then drove up to the tower.

"Um, Raven," said Aqualad, "I don't think this is working out."

"Oh?" she said.

"The sex just isn't that good. I'm through wasting my time. I thought you'd get better with practice, but this is worse than last time."

She paused to think for a moment. There had been a certain clinical interest in the mechanics of sex, but those questions had been answered, and, frankly, she couldn't remember why she'd been interested in a boyfriend in general or Aqualad in particular. After all, she couldn't allow herself to reproduce. If you're not going to reproduce, mating is kind of pointless.

"I guess so. Take me back to the Tower."

She stood in the doorway of the tower and watched the rental car drive away.

She headed to her room, planning a fast shower. No point in getting a urinary tract infection. But when she entered her room to pick up a change of clothes she found Starfire waiting for her.

"Hi," she said.

"Friend Raven, something is wrong."

She checked her belt communicator. "I didn't get an alert."

"Nothing is wrong in the city, friend. It is wrong in you."

Starfire went to Raven's bookshelf and took down her copy of The Book of Azar, The Necronomicon, and a battered partial copy of The Endriel Verses Book III.

"How? Everything has been going smoothly. My powers are under control. I haven't hurt anybody."

Starfire rose and got down a couple of Raven's books.

"You have become cold these past weeks."

"I've just stopped throwing little fits of drama. You can't miss them."

Starfire crossed the room and picked up Raven's magic hand mirror, being careful not to look into it, and placed it next to the books.

"I miss your smiles and your rare laughter."

"Starfire. I hurt Aqualad on our date. I burned his hand while making out."

Starfire went to Raven's chest of drawers and got out some random panties, a bra, and, a pair of socks, then added them to her stack of Raven's things.

"Be that as it may, people who love you do not like to see you sinking into this depression."

"Starfire, I'm not depressed. At worst, I don't feel much of anything. I don't miss it."

There was a small box on Raven's side table. Starfire walked over to it, opened it, and took out a silver chain upon which dangled a single penny. She added it to the pile of Raven's things. She stepped over to her, grasped her shoulders, and look directly into her hood.

"Friend Raven, I have just violated your most intimate privacy four times. I have disturbed your things, moved them without permission, and you do not care."

"I wondered what you were doing, but it's just stuff. I can put it back when you're done."

"Can you not see that this not how you normally behave?"

"I just don't see where it's that big a deal."

"Nothing is a big deal to you anymore. Very well. I wish to point out something you have missed. Friend Raven, when you got home, I was in your room. I came into your room uninvited and without permission. How is it that you do not even care?"

That brought Raven up short. Her room had been her sacred sanctum since she came to Titan Tower. Her first place to ever call her own, he was her quiet retreat from the constant wash of emotion that came from living with four hormone-charged teenagers that made no effort to reign in their passions. It was her place of peace in a city full of love, rage, anger, pain, confusion, hope and sorrow. There she was able to compose her thoughts, calm her mind, study, learn, and relax. She'd guarded it like a tigress for the first few years. Nobody went into Raven's room. Ever. Then, as time passed, though it had taken years, she'd eventually invited each of the Titans there on extremely rare occasions, for very specific purposes. That Starfire was able to barge in, re-arrange things, and have Raven not even care was abnormal. Even for Raven.

"All right," she conceded. "I'll give it some thought. I need to get a shower and some sleep, but I'll see about it tomorrow."

"Very well Friend Raven," said Starfire, with deep concern. "We are worried for you. All of us."