Chapter Info

Title: Mourning

Numbers: 25/34

Warnings: Angst, slight sexual content

Author's Note: Issue one: (well not an issue, but) GUYS I HAVE OVER 100 REVIEWS THAT'S THE MOST I'VE EVER HAD YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! Don't forget if you want the full smut between last chapter and this one, go to Archive of Our Own and search Aly_Winchester to find my username and you can find the story. However, don't forget to read this chapter as well because being here on FanFiction, you'll read a chapter ahead of the AO3 readers. :) As always, the slight sexual content is marked with .x.x.x.x. before and after, so if you want to skip it, you would be fine to. Thanks for reading! I would love to hear your reviews, thoughts, comments, and questions about this story!

Goldielover: It will be mentioned when he put the cameras in, but not right away. It will, though! He's definitely sick, though. Ugh I hate him and it sucks to have to write him sometime, but drama is my drug lol. I will say, though, that the reason Alice didn't see anything is because it happened before they all really got close and figured stuff out. I do have some smut up on other stories, but I don't know, I just feel like now it doesn't fit in with this story. Like honestly I care more about posting it on here and whatnot than AO3 so that's why I'm posting the smut chapter on there. Anyway, thanks for reading and commenting!

Mrs. VampDiva Belikov: Like I said above, it'll be explained shortly how it he got in. :) I promise! Thanks for reading and commenting!

animexchick: Oh he's a wacko LOL but all will be revealed very shortly... And I love those moments, too! It's so cute. :) Especially Emmett, lol. Thanks for reading and commenting!

EclipseRosen: Lol, that song is very appropriate! I'm pretty sure you're right and everybody would want to kill him... But all will be revealed soon. :) As for Carlie, unfortunately there's not too too much in this one, however IF I do a sequel, I'm planning on some more Carlie grandma/granddaughter interaction in that one. Thanks for reading and commenting!

AHealingRenaissance: Lol! Well that's a good idea. xD But don't worry, I'll still keep PMing you anyway. LOL well you're probably right about that. xP I honestly can't say for sure what he's thinking because this chapter will show that. xD But thanks for reading and commenting!

PaulineT: You shall definitely see shortly! :D Thanks for reading and commenting!

Lwolf: Thanks so much, I'm glad you like it! Thanks for reading and commenting!

-Abigail-

.x.x.x.x.

After her emphatic agreement, Abigail had dragged Carlisle back into the bedroom. She wasn't sure if it was the feelings of being finally engaged again or her birthday, but she needed him so much more desperately than she expected, and managed to talk him into some activities he definitely wouldn't have agreed to before. But she found she could be rather persuasive and they fell into the bed together, her dress being shoved up around her waist and down off her chest, her panties shredded under his fingers as he took her as carefully as he could with his fingers. She returned the favor with hers, and afterwards, he swept her up into his arms and tenderly carried her into the bathroom and drew her a bath while she worked on scrubbing off her makeup and taking the pins out of her hair, but pulling it up into a messy bun so it wouldn't get wet.

Once she was done, she turned to see Carlisle ready and she stepped closer, lifting her arms so Carlisle could tug her dress over her head. She saw onyx flare in his gaze, but that amazing self-control kicked in and he pushed the beast aside as he carefully caressed her cheeks and then down her sides.

"I have to admit," he whispered through a slight possessive growl. "You have no idea what it does to me to see you marked by my venom, even temporarily." He leaned down and gently nosed along her shoulder, his hands sliding down to her hips, and he pulled back with a smirk. "And you're carrying my scent. It's intoxicating."

"Good," she whispered. Her human senses were to dull to catch it, but she remembered and she grinned. "I'm yours in every way." Except one, she thought, knowing that sex was the true way to complete the mating, but he knew so she wouldn't say it. He was well aware of that and he looked pained for a second before he matched her smile.

"Join me?" she murmured, turning and tilting her head to the side as she gazed at him. He paused for a moment and he seemed satisfied with the confirmation she wouldn't push, and so he began to unbutton his shirt and let it drop. Her breath caught a little as she took him in again, silently admiring the beauty before her and not daring to touch until she moved passed it.

But beauty didn't begin to cover him. Soft pale skin covering hard unyielding muscle that held her oh so tenderly. The planes of him were sharp and perfect, following the lines of his chest down to a sloped V towards his groin. His legs were strong and well muscled also, ending with large nicely shaped feet, and he was perfect from top to bottom.

Her eyes slowly moved back up his body and she saw him smirking. "What?" she demanded. "You think I don't remember this body? I was just familiarizing myself with it again." She reached up and poked his rock hard stomach. He chuckled and leaned down to kiss her forehead.

"You're amusing. But let's get you cleaned up quick so you can sleep. You must be tired." Another self-satisfied smirk had her snorting.

"I'm positively exhausted, big guy." She winked and held out her hand. Together they climbed in, him behind her so he could reach her and help her clean up, and also hold her tightly. They were in the bathtub for about half an hour, talking softly and lovingly to each other, and laughing when Abigail realized that the wedding was what Alice meant earlier by "another event."

Finally when she got pruney, she insisted on getting out. He wrapped her up in a large fluffy towel and helped her dry off and the climb into some pajamas. She had been telling the truth, though, she was exhausted and as soon as she curled up against Carlisle's chest under the blankets, she was out like a light, slumbering dreamlessly until her alarm rang.

.x.x.x.x.

"Too early," she grumbled as she knocked the phone off the table as if that would shut it up, but of course it didn't. She groaned and pulled herself from her mate's embrace, mumbling as he laughed at her, and reached to silence the offending noise. At least I'm not hungover, she thought, remembering the champagne from the night before. But Carlisle either knew she was a lightweight, or being impaired by alcohol was too much for his protectiveness. And he never would've proposed if she was wasted.

He proposed.

She bolted up in bed, blinking quickly as her eyes searched out the familiar ring.

"Abigail?" his alarmed voice said anxiously from behind her and she blinked again, turning back to him as he reached for her. She eagerly went to him and cuddled against him, allowing him to nuzzle her even though she wasn't upset.

"We're engaged."

Her words gave him pause and he slowly look back, eyes tender by unsure and guarded.

"Yes," he said softly, pride filling his voice.

A large grin broke over her face and she continued her habit of leaning up to drown him in kisses. "Thank god," she said with a sigh. "I thought I dreamt all last night."

"You dream about me?" he said, his voice full of childlike hope.

"All the time."

"And about becoming engaged to you?"

She nodded and smiled, caressing his cheek. "And marrying you." She paused. "And getting birthday fingered."

He paused and the noise be let out was halfway between a groan and a laugh. "Baby, I was just able to calm down. What are you doing to me?"

She giggled and leaned up for a kiss just as the warning alarm went off. She glowered at it and reached over to dismiss it and sighed.

"Let's go get married today so I don't have to go to work."

"While I would love to, I'm pretty sure Alice wouldn't speak to you for the next century if you denied her this opportunity. She never got to plan our first one, you know."

His words made her pause and her mind rolled over them, and slowly she turned to him. She had gotten up to gather her clothes, but she wasn't sure what to make of what he said. Did he just forget sometimes that she was no longer a vampire, or did this mean he would turn her?

"The next century, huh?" she murmured. "You know I need to be a vampire for that to happen."

He froze and he suddenly refused to look right at her. His avoidance made her heart drop and she understood immediately what it meant. Oh god, he messed up, he doesn't want to change me. She felt sick. He loved her, he wanted her, but he wasn't willing to turn her. How was that to work? She would get old and wrinkly and die while he continued to look like an Adonis? And once she was dead for good just move on?

"Never mind. It was a mistake, I understand."

Swallowing thickly she rushed for the bathroom and closed the door quickly, thinking of locking it, but she knew she couldn't shut him out like that. Quickly she shucked off her clothes and got into the shower so the warm water could wash away her tears before she went back out to him again. She took longer than she should've in there because they wouldn't stop coming, but finally she got herself under control and climbed out. She dried off and dressed in her scrubs, brushing our her hair and braiding it. As she did so, she promised herself she wouldn't cry in front of him, though her mind went a mile a minute trying to figure out what she should say to him. After all, how were things to progress if she died again in sixty years time and he was still as perfect and pristine and unkillable as he was right then?

Taking from his cue, she refused to look at him, but smiled brightly nonetheless. "I hope I remembered my badge. Usually it's in here, but I might've left it on my other scrubs." She hugged as she pulled up her purse and rummaged through it, shoving her phone and charger in it, ignoring the slight tremor in her fingers and pushing it off as lack of sleep.

He was quiet, too quiet, and for a moment she wondered if he left, but the hole in her heart would be much larger if he had. Granted it was growing by the moment, but it was manageable when he was close.

"Abigail," he whispered and she quickly shook her head.

"Don't," she said quickly. "You don't want to turn me. I understand. Don't feel guilty." But her heart squeezed, bursting with pain and he did look guilty, he looked so pained she nearly started weeping again—oh god, he heard that, didn't he?—and so she took a step closer and leaned up to kiss him. "I don't need to be a vampire to see that you love me. I'm not going anywhere." She knew she probably should, because really, what kind of future was there? There wasn't one, she thought miserably, and perhaps that was the point. Was he trying to make her leave? She doubted it, but she knew him, and she knew he would think it safer if she weren't with him. "For now." His eyes snapped up to her, horrified. "How can forever work if one gets it and one doesn't? How do you think I should react? I understand you're worried, but you have to try and see this from my perspective. I was a vampire and now I'm not, and the love of my life doesn't want me to be one." She sighed and glanced down to her feet. "I love you, Carlisle. And I'm with you for now. But...you have to let me decide if that is enough. If I can watch you stay twenty-three forever while I get old and gray and die." He flinched. "I can't promise it will be forever." She gulped, her hands trembling. "But...you do have to promise me that no matter what happens? Move on. When I die, don't die with me. Find someone who will make you happy." Her heart ached, because she wasn't sure she meant any of it. But she had to say it, if only to knock some sense into him, and what better way to do it than to threaten to leave? It was cruel and heartless, and she wasn't positive she could actually do it, but it's what she had to do to at least get her point across. She would have to cross the bridge of leaving if it came to that. She wanted to believe it never would, but the silence that met her ears made it so she wasn't quite so sure. Taking a deep breath, she avoided his gaze yet again and grabbed her purse, heading out of the room quickly. Every step was painful, but she made it downstairs and smiled brightly at the others, hoping by some miracle they didn't hear any of that and she chose to ignore the faces of those who clearly did. Which meant all of them.

"Morning!" she said brightly as she went over to get some grits that Jasper and Esme were making, but paused as he saw Emmett's face wrinkled up. She frowned and put a hand on his shoulder. "What's wrong, Baby Boy?"

"I spent fifty years trying to get the sound of you two having sex out of my mind, and you went and ruined a perfectly good track record last night."

Abigail burst out laughing and she hugged him tightly. "I'm sorry you heard that."

"No you're not," he mumbled against her shoulder. "We weren't even safe at Edward's, you know."

"And you and Rose were any better?"

"No... But... You're my mother. It's wrong."

Abigail snorted and took the bowl that Jasper handed to her. "Don't worry, sweetheart, we'll warn you next time." She kissed his cheek and went to sit by Carlisle across from Emmett.

While he held her hand like usual, he didn't speak a word and she could feel the tension wafting off of him. She couldn't break it, though, because she was too hurt and confused, and she knew she would just start crying.

I can tell he wants me. I can tell he loves me. I knew that as soon as I woke in 1776 as a vampire. I knew he was mine and I was his. But now... Now I'm human again and he refuses. I can feel the bond, but what if it's not meant to be forever? What if the bond breaks at death and what we're feeling now is just residual? Or what if it's just got a time limit? If I hadn't died, would that bond have broken anyway? Would I have been alone forever? Will I die as an old woman and watch from the heavens as he gets his forever with someone else? Or maybe he thinks he's supposed to feel the bond and doesn't, but won't admit it and that's why he won't change me. Just feeling sorry that I came back to nothing, to be alone, and he feels guilty. When all he has to do is say something. If he doesn't want me, if my instincts are wrong and we're over before we even started, he just has to say it—

"Mom?!"

Emmett's voice rang out and Abigail snapped out of her onslaught of painful and agonizing thoughts. Edward looked ashen, even for a vampire, as he stared at her from across the table. And Emmett looked incredibly worried, having stood and hovered over her, and it was then she realized she was crying again.

Damn it, no.

She wiped at them angrily, realizing Carlisle was no longer holding her hand, and she refused to look at him.

She gave Emmett a loving smile, surprised that it actually came out instead of being fake, and reached over to pat his hand. "I'm fine, dear. It happens. But I'm late for work. I'll meet you in the car, Carlisle."

She couldn't take it anymore. She stood, chair scraping against the wooden floor, and she spun blindly. She had promised herself she wouldn't cry again, not until she was alone and away from them—I'm so sorry, Edward, you shouldn't have had to hear that—and she broke her promise. She grabbed her purse and barely made it out to the car before more tears nearly made her fall over, and she stumbled to the other side, yanking open the passenger door and sliding in.

Sobs wracked her body and she sat there huddled against the door like a child. The tears flowed and her heart broke laying bloody in her chest. She knew she did the right thing. It was something she hd to do. Either Carlisle would wake up and smell the roses and give in, or he would let her go. She honestly didn't know what she would do if it was the latter, but she had to try, even if that meant scaring him into it. But that didn't mean she wanted to. Never in those nearly two hundred years together before had she ever thought she would say those words, never thought she would ever consider such a drastic measure. But that was before, before everything. Before she died, before she was reborn, before everything in her world changed. She didn't ask for it to change, she didn't ask for that nomad to kill her, and quite frankly she didn't ask for Carlisle to change her the first time. He promised me the world. He promised me forever. And now he's going back on that promise, no matter if his intentions are good. Maybe I really should go, if he really wants me he can chase me this time.

The door opened beside her then and she forced the sounds to stop even though her body trembled. She sat up straight, wiping angrily at her eyes, keeping them ahead of her as she forced herself not to show just how much she was hurting. There was no sound, but a hand touched hers and with a start, she realized it was larger and colder than her mate's. Jumping, she looked over, but relaxed as she saw her Baby Boy sitting there staring at her sadly. She didn't know what hurt her more, the look of fear on his face or the fact that Carlisle had made Emmett come after her. Emmett could've chosen to come out himself, but she knew these brooding vampires, Carlisle would've sent him.

"I'm okay, love," she whispered, patting his hand and gave him a shaky smile.

"Don't leave us again, Mom," he whispered and she let out a strangled sigh, leaning over to throw her arms around her son's neck.

"I don't want to," she murmured. "I love you all more than I can even tell you. But...your father doesn't want me changed. And I've chosen to accept it."

"It's your life."

She paused. "If he doesn't want me in his forever, then I can't make him change his mind."

He pulled back and looked just as stricken as Carlisle did when she suggested he move on after she died, that all she could do was tug him back into a hug. They sat there for a couple minutes before she sniffed and pulled back, cupping his cheek as he watched her with anguish.

"Please, don't mourn me again," she whispered. "I'm still here and I will be until my last breath. I know years are nothing to you guys, but they'll be everything to me. I'll spend every second of my life guiding you and loving you and hopefully you won't hurt as much when I go."

In the end, it was truly her children that kept her there. She made a promise to Carlisle when they first became a couple this time around that she would never leave him. "Promise me you'll be mine for the rest of your life," is what he had said. She realized then that she should've listened to his words more carefully. The rest of her life, but not the rest of his. She felt like a fool. If she wasn't so worried about the children, she would actually consider leaving that very day, or at least threaten to, if their future would consist of nothing but him refusing to change her and her arguing with him about it. It already exhausted her, but perhaps she could find a way to be the mother she needed to be, was meant to be, and still put Carlisle at arm's length while he debated what was worth more: his own silly notions about vampires having no souls and refusing to change her, or being with her. The thought of doing so made her ill, stomach churning, but she forced it down. It was how it had to be, because Emmett was right, this was her life and she chose to be changed. Nobody should be making that decision for her.

"That's not possible," he said thickly. His eyes were so sad, venom tears pooling in their depths, that she let out another sigh, her thumb stroking his cheek.

"You'll be fine. You're strong and you've gotten through worse before. You have a family and a girl who loves you." Loves you enough to change you even though she thought she cursed you. "I'm just a human. I know you'll never forget me, but when you remember, smile and don't frown."

"Mom..."

"Please, Baby Boy. I made your father promise to move on and live, and I'm making you and the others promise, too."

He looked alarmed. "He actually promised that?" he hissed.

She paused. "Not in so many words," she hedged. "But he'll have to. He'll be happier when he doesn't have to worry about me anymore."

She turned back to the window then, not seeing the look Emmett gave her. Silently he started the car and headed for the hospital.