A/N: To all who reviewed my latest chapter. Thank you guys… Ok so this is the next chapter, do you love me or what??

Disclaimer: I don't own OTH.

Chapter 21- First Cut is the Deepest

I would have given you all of my heart
but there's someone who's torn it apart
and she's taking almost all that I've got
but if you want, I'll try to love again
baby I'll try to love again

Brooke didn't know what to do after the incident that happened between her and Lucas, and as much as she wanted to make things right, it felt wrong in her heart. She has thought about what she really felt, and what it would do to the people around her.

She had a lot of people to take into consideration, there was Julian, he has always been a supportive boyfriend and she couldn't ask for more, but she knew that she can never give Julian the love he deserved. Then there is her mom, over the last 2 years, she knows that her mom would support her in every decision that she would make, but she also know that Julian had personally come to Victoria to profess his love for her daughter.

There was Larry and Sawyer, she loved them both as her own family, Larry had always been that father figure she had, and even if Peyton talked to him about what happened that fateful night, she can't help but ponder over the effect of this on him. Sawyer was still a baby, and probably she wouldn't be able to understand now, but one of these days, she's going to ask about a lot of things, and why she didn't have her real mom, and Brooke wouldn't know how to answer that, all she would be able to say is that Peyton loved her daughter so much.

She was confused and heartbroken, 'why do I have to love Lucas this much.' She thought.

It has been 2 months after that incident in her house, and Brooke took the easy way out, she flew to New York, she had to argue with her mom about it, but Victoria gave in when she saw her daughter in distress.

"Mom, I'm flying to the New York office." She said as she walked down for breakfast the morning after she and Lucas kissed.

Victoria put down the newspaper she was reading on the table and looked at her daughter with a questioning look.

"Is there a problem I don't know sweetheart? Did I miss something?" Victoria asked wondering.

"No mom, I just decided I'll visit the main office, it's been so long since I've been there, and I just wanted to check up on what's been going on up there." Brooke said nonchalantly.

"I can do that, Sweetheart, I know how you hate leaving Tree Hill, so don't worry, I'll do it." Victoria said taking a sip from her coffee.

"No!" Brooke suddenly protested.

Victoria was growing worried now, but she decided not to show it, she raised an eyebrow toward her daughter.

"Brooke, is something wrong?"

"No, No, nothing like that, I just want to be the one to head up there, it's nothing to worry about, its been months since I've been there, and I miss it."

Victoria sensed there was something odd about her daughter after that last statement, but she knew better than argue, so she gave in.

"Ok then, when are you planning to leave?"

"Today."

Victoria snapped her head up when she heard that.

"What? I'm sorry, did you just say today?"

"Yes mom. I want to fly over today. Please don't ask, I don't want to go over this again."

"Ok. I'll have the jet ready, call Millicent if she wants to come with you."

"No, that's fine, I'll go alone."

That was the last conversation she had with her mom before she took off to New York.

Now 2 months after, she was in her office at Clothes Over Bros New York hunching over her desk for the latest sketches she was working on, when her phone rang. She already knew who it was, at this time, everyday, Haley made it a point to call.

"Yes, Tutormom?"

"How do you know it was me?"

"Well, I don't know, maybe because you have been calling me at exactly the same time, for the last 2 months?" Brooke snapped.

"Whoa! Well excuse me for actually trying to check up on you Miss Davis, I didn't know I was a bother." Haley said on the other line.

Brooke suddenly regretted snapping on her friend, she knew that Haley calls her everyday to know if she was fine and she was acting very bitchy.

"I'm sorry, Hales, I've been bitchy since this morning, I don't even know why, I'm really sorry, thanks for calling, anyway, what's up?"

"That's ok, Tigger, I understand. Well nothing much, I was just wondering when you were coming back? You've been there for 2 months and everybody back here is missing you so so much." Haley said in a desperate tone.

Brooke heaved a heavy sigh, she leant back towards her chair and closed her eyes.

"I don't know Hales, they still need me here, and well, I know if I come back, it's going to be a long time before I'd be back here, so I'm just trying to balance out everything as much as I can. I don't want them to think that I'm neglecting them here, especially when I spend all my time back in Tree Hill where the only connection I have from the company is a small boutique."

"What happened that night after we left, Brooke?" Haley asked in a defeated sigh.

Brooke suddenly sat up straight in her seat and tried to find the right things to say.

"What? What are you talking about?"

"Come on Brooke, I know you better than that, if there was something major back in New York you had to attend to, you wouldn't stay for long. And besides, I talked to Victoria, and she said that everything was ok with the company, so don't tell me otherwise."

Brooke sighed, 'why did my mom have to be close with my friends now?' she thought to herself.

"Hales- nothing hap---"

"Save it, Brooke, I'm 8 months pregnant, immensely hormonal and emotional, you do not want to lie to me." Haley said cutting her off, her tone was filled with authority and contempt.

Brooke knew if she lied, she would just feel bad about it, and Haley would be upset.

"It's nothing, Hales." As she heard the 'hmph' at Haley's end, she sighed.

"Ok. I'm being incredibly stupid about the whole thing, Lucas and I kissed that night, and Haley, it was wrong but it felt so right. There, are you happy?" Brooke scoffed, and then sighed, she didn't have time to argue with Haley.

"Aww Tigger, why would it be wrong?"

"Hales, he is married to my bestfriend!"

"Was. Brooke, was."

Brooke felt a little irritated when she heard this.

"That doesn't give me the right to go kissing her husband just because she is dead!" she said her voice raising.

"Brooke! Peyton would want this for you, I know what she told you in the hospital! I was there, I know eavesdropping is low, but I can't help it, I was about to enter the room to tell Peyton she has to get ready, but when I heard you and her talking I can't stop listening. I know what she told you Brooke, and I know what happened at the night of the rehearsal dinner." Haley answered back her voice equally raised.

"She told me to help Lucas, Haley, she didn't tell me to go be with her husband after she dies!" Brooke said clearly frustrated.

"No, she didn't; but she told you to help Lucas, but are you Brooke? Cause as far as I'm concerned, Lucas is here needing your help, and you re up in New York, feeling guilty for something you shouldn't be!" Haley screamed.

Brooke knew Haley was right, but she was too stubborn to admit it.

When Brooke didn't answer Haley continued her rant.

"Peyton is gone, Brooke, and it is painful to think about it, but if you wouldn't start to accept it now, when would be the right time? When it's all too late? And I know you love Lucas so much Brooke, so what is hindering you from expressing that?" Haley asked her tone soft and gentle.

"Julian…" Brooke said whispering.

"Julian is a great guy Brooke, but can you give him the love he deserves? and if you are meant to be together, then fine. But please just come back, we have done everything to help Lucas out, but we know for a fact that it is only you who can get through to him. So please, if not for Lucas, then do this for Sawyer, and Peyton." Haley said before hanging up the phone.

Brooke had tears in her eyes after she heard the phone clicked. 'How could I have been so selfish?' she asked herself burying her face in her hands and crying.

--

'2 months.' Lucas thought. 'It's all my fault. Damn, could I have been more selfish?'

After that night in Brooke's house, Lucas wasn't able to see Brooke again, and it has been two months, he tried calling her, but she won't answer, he asked Millie where she was and Millie told him she was back in New York, he asked when she would be back but Millie can't give him a definite answer, he grew distant from the people around him, he talked when being talked to, but he barely made conversations with anyone.

He was sitting at his late wife's bed, his daughter was with Karen for the day, he knew Larry was out in the coast until the end of the week, and he was left at home to fend for himself, he looked around the room, and studied everything his eyes laid on, when he saw the tape on top of the desk, he stood up and got it, it has been 2 months since he had found the tape with his name on it, and he didn't really know when the right time was to watch it, so he went down to the living room and popped the tape into the player.

His wife's face was on the screen, he missed his wife, and seeing her on TV just brought back the good memories they had together, he snapped back from his reverie when he heard her start talking.

"Hi Luke, so I'm guessing you found the tape huh? And that would mean that I am no longer there with you guys." she gave a light chuckle and sighed.

"I know we both had a lot of arguments over that box, but I guess my efforts didn't go to waste. Anyway, I don't want to beat around the bush any longer, I have kept this far too long, and I know its selfish and cold hearted, but I can't think of any other way to say this." Peyton now had tears forming in her eyes.

Lucas leaned closer to the TV as he saw his wife's eyes. He wanted to reach out and wipe the forming tears in her eyes, and the message of his wife, was getting to him, the sensation his heart gave out was anxiety and impatience. 'This is it' he thought to himself.

Peyton gave a deep sigh.

"You know that I love you, Lucas, and I always will, you have shown me love that I can only imagine. But we both know that you're heart belongs to someone else… I know Lucas, I have always known. And I feel guilty for being that barrier that stopped that love. I was selfish and untrue to myself and to you, and yes I do feel guilty about it, but now that I am carrying our daughter into this world, I know that my efforts didn't go to waste, I am going to say sorry that it had to be like this, I could've told you the truth but I was a coward, I knew that if I did, I would lose the only part of you that was ever mine, I know I don't have your whole heart Lucas, and I have accepted that, but if I had told you this when I was still alive, I know that it would've felt like a thousand deaths. I am not proud of what I did, and I would understand if you would hate me, but the truth is long overdue. Please just remember that I did this, because I love you so much and we have a daughter as a living testimony for that love."

Lucas felt his heart clench in his chest.

"I was conflicted and confused, I had gone to see Jake in Savannah, when I told everyone I was going to meet Pete in Chicago, it was a wonderful weekend, and I proposed to him, I couldn't imagine my life without him or Jenny, but something happened the last night that I was there, Jake confronted me about it the next morning, he said I should come back to Tree Hill and re assess my feelings, I begged him to listen to me, and tell me what changed his mind, and he told me that I have said your name a couple of times, in my dream, and he didn't want to be that barrier that would go in between me and you. I went back to Tree Hill just in time for Haley and Nathan's wedding rehearsal. Brooke was staying at my place at that time, that night--- that night I broke my best friends heart."

Lucas was now at the edge of his seat. He didn't understand what Peyton was saying but he felt his heart grow cold when he heard her last few words. He paused the video for a while and buried his head in his hands. He tried to remember the events at that time.

'Haley and Nathan's wedding rehearsal, Brooke and I were still dating…' he thought to himself, as he grew more anxious and confused, he played the video and prepared himself for the worst.

"I broke Brooke's heart. I knew she was insecure and yet I still did it, I know I'm selfish and I wasn't thinking, she was insanely in love with you, Lucas… And I deliberately broke her heart…"

Lucas was getting frustrated by the minute, he wanted to yell and ask his wife's image what the hell she did, but some part of him could never do that to his late wife. He had deep and dark emotions resurfacing as he waited for the next words.

"I told her I still had feelings for you…"

And there it was.

Lucas felt his heart drop. As the words pour out of his wife's image in the video, he felt numb. His mind was racing but it had no particular thought, his heart felt cold and his body cannot feel anything.

He remembered those times, he was head over heels in love with Brooke, with Keith's death, he never meant to push her away, but he did, he knew that if she was there, he would feel safe and secured, but he didn't want that, he didn't want to feel ok after his Uncle's death, and he thought Brooke didn't understand that, he never really understood why Brooke broke up with him, but now he did.

He can see Peyton's lips were still moving but he can't hear anything, his mind was now clouded by anger, he wanted to get mad at his late wife for keeping this from him, he wanted to get mad at Brooke for not telling him about this, but all the anger he felt, he directed at himself, how could he be insensitive and stupid. He loved his wife so much, but Brooke, it has always been Brooke, and now that he knew this, he can only imagine the pain Brooke felt at that time, and he wasn't there to save her.

He found himself on the floor, crying his heart out, he wanted to scream his anger out, but nothing came out, he can't be mad at his wife, Peyton loved him so much, and Brooke, he cant help but hate himself for being an insensitive jerk to her. He knew she loved him with all her heart, and she would give up everything for him, and he was stupid enough to just let her go.

The screen now showed silver static, signaling the video has ended. Actually, the video ended hours ago, but Lucas didn't have the strength to get up, he was sitting on the floor with his knees bent and his elbows on them, he had his head hung low, silent tears still pouring.

"I'm sorry, Brooke." He kept repeating.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry…"

--

Nathan was still in vacation from his basketball career, he still had 3 months to go before the practice for the next season starts.

That afternoon, Haley told him she would be at the studio with Mia recording a new song, Nathan asked Jaime if he wanted to see his Uncle Lucas and Jaime willingly went.

As he and Jaime walked to the front door, he pressed the doorbell, when Lucas didn't answer he tried to turn the knob, which was unsurprisingly open. They walked into the foyer and into the living room, when Nathan saw Lucas on the floor, he hurriedly took his place beside his brother and knelt down on one knee hunching to see his brother's face.

"Luke!"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry…"

"Luke! What's up man!?"

"I messed up Nate."

"What are you talking about.?"

"I messed Brooke up, I totally screwed her over."

As Nathan heard this, he took a good look at the defeated form of his brother, at the mention of Brooke's name, Nathan suddenly became defensive and protective, but seeing his brother, he cannot help but wonder. He wanted to ask Lucas about it, but he knew his brother has so much in his plate right now. He helped his brother up into the couch and asked Jaime to get a glass of water from the kitchen.

Jaime ran to the kitchen to get his Uncle Lucas a glass of water, he loved his Uncle Lucas so much and he looked up to him, and seeing his uncle in a distraught state, it worried Jaime. He loved his Aunt Brooke as well, and he wanted to be there for her always, and even as a young child, Jaime knew how important his Godparents are to him, and he would do anything to make them feel ok.

"Here, Luke, drink up man." Nathan said as he took the glass from his son and pushed it in his brother's hands.

Lucas took the glass and drank from it, he looked up into his brother's eyes and he can see worry and confusion swimming in them.

Nathan wasn't one to wait on something, when he wanted to know something he wanted to know it immediately, but he saw how crushed his brother was for whatever reason, and so he decided to let his brother open up to him, but he wished among other things, that his brother would fess up now.

Lucas knew his brother wanted answers, but he couldn't get himself to say it, so he took a moment to take in a deep breath and just told his brother.

"Video." He said in a barely audible whisper.

Nathan didn't need telling twice, he wanted to figure out what caused Lucas' break down. As he sat down and work the video to it's beginning he prepared himself to whatever he was about to see.

The image of Peyton now flooded the screen, and the whole video replayed, Lucas listened with his head hanging low and he didn't know if he would be able to take it, Jaime was looking at his uncle with worry, he walked in front of his uncle. He didn't know how he could make his uncle feel better, so he did the most comforting thing he could come up with, he hugged Lucas tight.

Lucas was taken aback by Jaime's actions but he felt very much overwhelmed, he wrapped his arms around his nephew and whispered;

"Thanks buddy."

Jaime just nodded his head on his uncle's shoulder.

Nathan got to the part, where Peyton was saying the dreaded words. He couldn't believe his ears, he knew this happened almost 7 years ago, but the weight of the situation really turned things out of proportion, he felt for Brooke knowing that the girl loved Lucas with her everything, but he understood why Peyton did it, she loved Lucas in a way only her and Lucas could really understand. As he let Peyton's words sink through him, he felt compelled to go where Brooke was and just try to take the pain away, he saw Brooke as the little sister he never had, and with what he just witnessed he can't help but be proud of the woman she became.

He looked back at the screen at the same time that Lucas and Jaime broke from their hug. Lucas realized that he wasn't able to see this part of the tape, nor was he able to hear it, he decided to watch it since there would be no more harm in doing it, the pain was already deep set.

"I know I killed Brooke that night, and believe me I have never felt worst, and I am bringing that guilt with me all this time, that night she broke up with you, I saw her die a little bit more inside every day after that, but I let her, I love you too much to let go or to even correct my mistake. But I can't be sorry now, not now that we are having a daughter together, I know in your own little way, you love me too, and I want to thank you for that. But now that I'm gone, I would like to ask you a favor, I know it is not my place anymore to do so, but I just have to ask.

Love our daughter with everything that you have, I know that with what I did, that makes me a horrible person, but our daughter doesn't have to do with anything that I did. I know you would love her with all your heart, but as a mother I needed to ask that.

And I want you to be happy, Luke, we had our good times together, but we both know where your true happiness is, be with her Luke, I'm not going to ask you to love her, because I know you always have.

And lastly, do everyone a favor and don't ever let her go again, she has been through so much pain Luke, but she did everything for us, she gave up her happiness for me, I know I would never be able to repay her with all the things that she has done for me, but I am hoping I can give her back her happiness. Take care of her Luke, we all know she needs that… And please tell her that I love her everyday…"

Lucas was bent over in the couch with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands, Nathan was speechless, and Jaime looked at the screen trying to comprehend what he just saw. Lucas let the tears fall freely from his eyes, he didn't know how or what to feel, he wanted to break free from all of it. Nathan turned to look at his brother and chose the right words to say.

"Luke--- I'm sorry, man." Was all he could get out.

Jaime on the other hand listened to every word he heard from his Aunt Peyton, and he saw his Uncle Lucas bent over in tears he felt a tinge of pain in his own little heart, he sat in between his father and his uncle and put a hand on Lucas shoulder.

"It's ok to be sad Uncle Lucas, but when you are ready to talk, we're just here."

Lucas laughed through his tears from the words of his nephew, and Nathan gave an embarrassed smirk, his son knew how to handle things better than him.

"Or at least, Dad and Momma are going to be there when you're ready to talk. You could talk to me, but I wouldn't know what to say yet, unless you want advice from a 7 year olds point of view." Jaime continued.

Lucas and Nathan now looked at the boy and started laughing softly. They couldn't believe the words coming out from him, but they were impressed.

"You really are Haley's child." Lucas said, ruffling Jaime's hair.

"Yeah thanks for totally making me look stupid buddy." Nathan groaned sarcastically.

"It's ok dad, you're not stupid, it's what mom used to say, you are just…. What's the word again? Ahh… Misguided. Yeah that's the word." Jaime said innocently.

"Jaime!" Nathan cried incredulously.

Jaime just shrugged his shoulder, and Lucas continued to laugh softly while shaking his head.

--

Brooke called Haley up to apologize. After their phone call, Brooke felt guilty and tried to figure out the proper way to say sorry to Haley.

When she heard Haley's voice on the other line, she broke down.

"I'm so sorry, Hales, I was selfish and I didn't think, I was so caught up in guarding myself from getting hurt, that I didn't even thought about the whole situation." She cried.

"No, no Brooke, I didn't mean that, you are not selfish, God, don't ever think that Brooke, I am just so worried about Lucas this past few months and I wasn't the one who was thinking, I'm the one who should be sorry Brooke, I have always known you still loved Lucas, and I know that right now, everything that had happened just opened old wounds." Haley answered, completely blaming herself for making Brooke feel guilty.

"It's ok, Hales, I deserved it, I needed a little push to realize I am totally being inconsiderate, it's just, you're right it did open up old wounds, and everything just came rushing back to me, Hales… The first cut is really the deepest. I knew that before, but I feel it until now." Brooke continued to cry on the other line.

Haley didn't know what to say. This was the first time in 7 years that Brooke openly talked about how she really felt and it broke Haley's heart.

"I'm sorry, Tigger." Was all she could say.

"It's alright, Hales. I'm coming home." Brooke said, which completely surprised them both.

"What? Are you sure, Brooke?"

"Yes, Hales, I'm coming home…"

I still want you by my side
just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
cause I'm sure gonna give you a try
and if you want, I'll try to love again
but baby, I'll try to love again, but I know

The first cut is the deepest, baby I know
The first cut is the deepest

'Cause when it comes to being lucky he's cursed
when it comes to lovin' me he's worst
but when it comes to being loved he's first
that's how I know

The first cut is the deepest…

A/N: Ok. So 1 chapter done today, I am really sorry for a late update, I started writing the chapter this morning, and thankfully I have it done tonight. Please tell me what you think.

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