Leoni123: I am updating as soon as I've got a new chapter finished. I have TONS to do in school right now that needs to be done by Friday. And after the holidays I have four weeks work experience so my updates may not be as fast as both my readers and myself would like them to be. But I am updating as soon as I can. Thank you for keeping patient.

So… to the chapter

"Wh- what?" Mike stuttered and his mouth dropped open. I started realizing what I had just said. I had just told him I was leaving. This was defenitely not the way I had wanted to be telling him what I was going to do. I heard myself starting to stutter something I wasn't even to turn into word myself while Mike only stared- as well as Gina and Tracy. At last I took a deep breath and told them.

"I'm going home. I've been speaking to Leon about and known it for quite some time now. He's gotten airplane tickets for me so I will. And the reason I wanted to talk to Jess is because that when I leave I don't want anything unsaid to feel that I will be running away from something." I stopped talking, Mike said something about if I had just told him he could probably have could make so I and Jess could meet without getting in trouble. "It doesn't matter. She still won't well… forgive me I guess."

"So are you sure you're leaving?" I nodded. "When?"

"Sunday the twenty eigth… but Leon needs to E- mail the plane- ticket to you." Mike nodded and turned to look out the window. "Mike" I exclaimed, but he didn't turn around to look at me, just told me to leave. Gina clapped my shoulder and I left the room and walked upstairs to my room where I got a paper and pulled up a paper where I'd written the stuff I need to do before I left.

Tell Mike

Get Mike to print the tickets

Talk to Jess

Talk to Tara

Tell Johnny and Tee

Tell the others

Write the essay

Write letters for mum, dad and Jonas

Remember to tell Mike about the Bankrupt's

Pack everything

Watch the rest of the DVD's

Talk to my teachers

So that seemed to be the important stuff, I had already written all the letters that needed to be written to mum, dad and Jonas. When I came home I would go to the graveyard, maybe go to church too. I liked that old church, I kinda liked every church but it was something special with a building about six hundred years old, and it was something special with that whole village. Going into church- even if I'd never actually been religious, it would make me feel… safe and calm in some way I couldn't explain, so yeah, maybe I would go to church the day I went to the graveyard and read the letters out loud to them one at the time. Say what I needed to say.

What I needed to say? There was so much I wanted to say that I could never put in words, not written, not said it could just never write or say or even think. It was felt, by the heart and by the sould it was just there without any words. I sighed- but I'd do my very best. Say what I could say and say what I hadn't said then.

I had already pulled a line over "write letters for mum, dad and Jonas" now I draw a line over "talk to Jess" because there was no way I could get anything more out of her- I just knew it. And "tell Mike" because, even if it didn't happen in the way I wanted to- I still had. I sent away a text message to Leon and asked him to E-mail Mike the tickets and then laid down and stared up in my ceiling for a long while and thought about- well- nothing and everything- mostly about what to say to Tara and to Johnny and Tee.

The next day I found myself doing something I never thought I would and ran after Tara getting out of class trying to catch up with her. "Tara?" I tried and caught up. "Tara I need to speak to you. Come on." Tara sighed and didn't seem like she wanted to. But I more or less pulled her into the school library and towards a lonely corner in it. "Listen… I'm leaving. I'm going home again during the mid- term holidays and I won't be coming back afterwards. So… I wanted- before I was leaving speak to anyone I've been fighting with so I won't leave trying to run away from something so… you wanted to know why I'm in care so… here we go" I told her about the crash and ended with "my parents did work a lot, I was often put to take care of my brother, but I loved them, and I wouldn't have traded them for the world." Tara hesitated for a while. "So… if you forgive me, then I'll forgive you."

"I haven't really got anything to forgive, the chair was my fault." Tara said. "And I've been acting like a jerk to you." I held out my hand. "Thank you Emma." She shook it. "Where is home by the way?" I answered her Sweden. "That is so cool!" I let hear a short laugh. "I'm really sorry Emma." I nodded and held up my hand to show her it was okay, and then Tara suddenly hugged me, I hugged back and then she walked out of the library and I felt as if I had a stone lift off my shoulders- still too much left though.

Next up was too tell Johnny and Tee, I sent away text messages to them and told them to meet me by the gym after school at half past three. Then I walked back to my lesson and sat for another while with the essay. But I couldn't concentrate, I thought about what I would tell Johnny and Tee, and I thought about what I would say when I old the others. I didn't want it to be another fiasko like when I had told Mike- and Gina and Tracy too for that matter.

When I came out of my room the night before Gina had been out in the kitchen, when I came there she only looked to me, and without another word she embraced me and pulled me up in one of those hugs that only she could give. I had had a short talk with Tracy about why I had decided to go home, Mike had said he wasn't mad at me. Just schocked and sad that I was leaving, but after that he hadn't told me a word except that he told me he had gotten the E- mail from Leon and he was going to print the tickets when he had the time. Not during the rest of the night and not during this morning, he just was there. Spoke with the others a little but over- all he was just quiet.

I felt sorry for Mike, I and the others were his childrens, so just have it thrown in the face like that when I had told him, and there upon know that I had known for a long time without telling him must be like getting a punch right in the stomach. I didn't blame him but I wish that he would talk to me, shout at me, give me a lecture, anything would hurt less than see him look so disappointed at me like that. Because those eyes shattered my heart into pieces because I knew I had hurt someone among the people I loved the most, and one who had alwayss been there when things were at their hardest.

I sighed and tried to come up with something for the essay. And that was when it hit me and I started writing. Sudddenly my hand and the pencil seemed to be floating over the paper and its lines. Why hadn't I thought of this earlier? I had just written the last word when I heard the bell ring and the day was over so I walked towards the gym whee Johnny and Tee was, Johnny stood with his hands in his pockets and leaned against the wall, while Tee sat on one of the benches, I leaned forward to kiss Johnny but he only pulled away.

"What is it Johnny?" I asked. "Why did you pull away like that?" Johnny shoved his hands in his pockets, pulled out his shoulders and looked away while biting his lip. Looking as if he wondered about what to say, but before he had the time Tee spoke up, and if there was one way for my hard to be shattered into even smaller pieces, it probably couldn't get shattered more times during the sentences that followed- it probably wouldn't been able to break into smaller pieces without stop beating.

"Johnny you didn't tell her? Why didn't you tell her?" Johnny shrugged and looked away, I looked confused to the two Taylor's. Tee hesitated and then it came. "Johnny kissed a girl in our neighborhood!" I lost my breath, as if he had punched me in the stomach. But he had just punched me, hard. Right in the heart. Shattering it into even smaller pieces and I couldn't breathe. I stumbled backwards while tears were rising in my eyes and with a broken voice I exclaimed.

"Just so you know, I'm leaving. I'm going home in thirteen dats so then you can be with that brat everything you want." Johnny didn't even move, he just looked as guilty as he had looked before and I span around and ran down the school yard and down the road. I passed the others right outside the school yard but ignored their questions about what was going on and just kept on running until I ran up on Elm Tree House's driveway and into the house.

"Hey Emma…" Mike was in there but I pushed him out of the way and ran up the stairs. "Emma what's going on?" I ignored him and ran down the hall and into my room and threw the door closed and myself on the bed and cried loudly into my pillow to suppress the sound. "Emma." I heard Mike's voice from the door. But I didn't look up. I just continued pressing my head into the pillow and trembling with sobs. "Did Johnny tell you?" That was when I understood he knew. "He told me the day we had palt. He was really ashamed of himself."

"No" I fizzled. "Tee had to tell me for him. And I don't care if he was ashamed." Mike sighed. "Boys are jerks!" I raised on my elbow and rested my head in my hand for Mike to more easily hear what I was saying than if I kept my face in the pillow. "And he's the biggest jerk of them all. I don't care if he's ever so ashamed I am never going to speak to him ever again." Mike sighed and started humming on hopelessly devoted to you from Grease. "MIKE this is not the right time for joking" I scolded. Mike started stroking my back and then just sat there, and stroke my back while I cried until there were no more tears to cry.

"I'm sorry I have been treating you like that since you told me that yesterday." Mike said when I had no more tears to cry. "Here are your tickets." I laid them on my bedside table. "And… I know for a fact that the next one of those DVD:s Leon made for you is the one with you and your mum. I want us two to watch it now- if you want to of course. Because I want to show you something." I sighed, then nodded and asked what the clue for where the next DVD was hidden. "Order…" I thought for a while.

"You put the DVD in Gus's room?" I exclaimed. Mike just nodded. "He's never going to let me in and look for something!" Mike pulled me up to stand and then along to Gus's room, he talked with Gus about it and I was really careful with not moving anything while I looked around. I couldn't find it anywhere but then I tried thinking logical, and about Gus. Gus would never let anyone put a CD- case anywhere in his room, he'd put it on the shelf with the CD:s, I looked through the shelf and almost right away I pulled out the CD- case with the sixth DVD from Leon. I thanked Gus for letting me search through his room and then walked downstairs where I put the DVD on and then sat down in the sofa between the arm support and Mike.

"Emma" Mum's voice was heard from the TV. "Emma honey." Then the picture came and showed me, around my first birthday standing and holding onto the leg of a chair to stand up and I seemed to wonder if I dared to let go and walk the two, three steps that would take for me to walk to mum where she stood and talked softly to me.

The screen started changing the pictures, during a while it was mum singing twinkle twinkle little star when I was maybe three or four, then it was in the hospital when I was born and mum told Leon what my name would be, then it was me by her grave, and at last we were back to the first clip, and I let go of the chair and took a few shaky steps towards mum before she took me up in her arms and spun around with me.

I sighed when the screen went black again, then bent down to take the DVD out. "What did you want to say about this Mike." I stood up and then sat down by Mike again, Mike smiled and not just I, but Jody and all of the others who sat around the living room listened carefully for what Mike had to say. Mike seemed to think a moment about what to say.

"When we look at this DVD. We can see you and your mum the most, also your dad, your brother and your uncle. Those are the people that matters. The people that no matter what are always going to be there. Loads- and believe me- loads of boys are going to walk in and out of your life. You'll have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. And it feels, and it hurts so much when it's just another one of those damned frogs I know. But they don't really matter. They aren't supposed to be there for a long time and yes, Johnny kissed another girl but… he still loves you. Maybe one day you two will walk into each other again. But that's if it is meant to be. If it's not then- he'll just be another one of those who comes and then goes."

"Johnny kissed another girl?" Carmen asked, I nodded. And then suddenly someoen shouted something about pay- pack and the suggestions of how to get back on Johnny were hailing around the room.

"Drench all of his clothes in horse- poop."

"Kidnap Tee"

"Force him to go back to the dumping ground and make him eat palt until he's sick again."

I laughed at the others suggestions, I was still crying but I laughed anyway. And walked to look out the window and then shook my head. "No… I'm not angry" I said. "I'm not angry with him I'm just hurt… but the day it feels better maybe I can talk to him again and find out what reason he had to do it cause I have a feeling he had one… until then…. I'll just wait I guess."

"By the way Emma." Jody exclaimed. "There is something I've wanted to ask you, but I've forgotten it. How come you and your family all have names that are pronounced in the English way when you come from Sweden? Well… your mum's name is pronounced in the Swedish way but not the others… I'm confused." I looked around to the others, Mike was in here, Tracy, Gina, and all of the others too.

"Okay guys… Have I ever told you about the Bankrupt's."

Dun, dun, dun duuuuuuuuun.

Grrr…. Johnny is such a… "cough, cough, cough, cough."

Only two chapters left of this now… feels really weird.