Chapter 25:

I ran to the bathroom and threw up.

My nerves were raw and I laid on the floor and cried.

When I was finally able to get up I ran a hot bath and scrubbed my skin until it almost bleed.

Going back into the bedroom to dress I saw the tray Erik had brought earlier.

I lifted the lid and looked at the food.

Picking up a piece of bread I put some jam on it and ate.

As I went to replace the cover I saw the rose laying there and I started to cry again.

Why did he have to be like that?

One moment kind and caring, even gentle, and then the next a monster.

I pick up the rose and carried it with me as I went to the closet and pulled out some clothes.

I dressed in a plain white shirt and a charcoal grey skirt.

Still carrying the rose I walked bare foot from the room and headed to the library.

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I curled up on the couch after giving up on being able to read.

My mind was to preoccupied with thoughts of last night. Plus what had happened this morning to be concentrated on the words.

I held the rose in my hand and stared at it.

I lay there for what seemed like hours.

A knock snapped me from my dream world and I knew it was Erik coming to complete our talk.

I sat up and said "Come in." not even turning to look.

I felt his hands on my shoulders and realized I was still holding the rose.

"So you found it." He whispered.

Opening my hand I let it fall to the floor.

Only then did I notice how tightly I had grasped it.

The thorns had imbedded themselves into my flesh.

Looking at my hand I laughed bitterly as a tear slipped from my eye.

I squeezed my eyes shut to hold back the flood I knew waited there.

Erik came around the couch and knelt before me and took my hand in his.

I opened my eyes and watched as he examined my hand.

Standing he left the room, only to return moments later with a tray of supplies.

I let him remove the thorns and apply an ointment to my palm. Then he wrapped it in a cotton bandage.

But as he lifted it to his lips I jerked my hand away.

As he stood and sat the tray aside I said "Thank you."

He walked across the room to the book selves.

Leaning against it he crossed his arms and looked at me.

He was dressed in a white shirt that opened at the collar and brown pants.

He looked handsome to me.

I wanted to go to him and have him hold me in his arms.

But then the image of this morning flashed before my eyes.

I trembled and looked down at the floor.

I saw the rose had been crushed.

It must have happened when he had cared for my hand.

Then I saw the book I had been reading earlier.

I could sit no longer so I grabbed it and stood.

Walking to the bookshelf farthest from where he stood.

I returned the book to its place among the others.

As I stood there with my hand still on the book I felt him behind me.

I knew all I would have to do is step back and I would be in his arms.

My body ached to be in his arms.

But my mind screamed no.

I felt like I was being ripped apart.

His fingers caressed my hair and I began to lean back.

But then I jerked myself forward and if my hands had not been in front of me I would have collided with the bookshelf.

Gripping the shelf I whispered "Erik please don't do this to me."

"And just what am I doing to you?" He said as he stepped closer to me.

He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me against his chest.

"Is this not what you wanted? Did you not wish for me to touch you?"

"Yes Erik" I cried.

My body was beginning to tremble as he just stood there holding me.

Then he suddenly released me and stepped away.

I had to grab the book shelf to keep from falling to my knees.

I felt lost and alone.

"Please come and sit down." He said as he stood behind the couch.

My legs were shaky as I walked across the floor.

Making it the couch I sank into the cushions.

He placed his hands on my shoulders.

"I have a question to ask you Lesta and I require an honest answer."

I tried to focus on what he was saying. But with him standing so close and touching me it was difficult.

I nodded my head and said "I will try to answer your question."

He stepped away from me and I began to relax.

Then knelling before me and looking into my eyes he said "If I tried to come to your bed tonight would you wish to bar your door?"

I tried to look away from him, but he caught my chin in his hand and turned my face back to his.

I closed my eyes so I would not have to look at his.

"Open your eyes Lesta."

I squeezed then tighter shut.

"I said open your eyes and look at me." Anger was starting to creep into his voice.

I complied with his demand and looked into his eyes.

"Now answer my question. Would you allow me entrance into your bed?"

I swallowed hard and search my mind for an answer.

Then I said "Erik I can not answer your question. I don't know what I would do."

He released my chin and stood saying "Fair enough."

I let out the breath I had been holding.

I watch as he paced to the room.

He looked like an animal trapped in a cage.

I was becoming frightened.

I wanted to leave this room and his presence.

I stood and started for the door.

"Lesta" I stopped at the sound of my name.

"What is it now Erik? I wish to go my room now and rest."

He stood behind me.

I wondered how a man could move so fast and so silently as to be in one place one moment and another the next.

He caressed my hair and said "I am like a man parched with thirst and you are an oasis. And now that I have tasted your sweetness I want more."

My hand trembled as I opened the door. Then after I burst through the opening I ran to my room and slammed the door behind me.