When Anna retired to her tent it was empty and it remained that way as she slowly readied herself for bed. She assumed Charlie would arrive late or perhaps the girl had found slumber in Ben's tent and would not return until the following morning. Beyond the small ping of jealousy Anna felt at seeing the relationship between Charlie and Ben, she was mostly warmed by it. It was a welcomed distraction from the still stressful state of a war now in its homestretch and it reminded her of memories of her own, ones that also found her sneaking around late, all of her excited and constantly breathless over the reality of someone adoring you boldly, but in secret.

The end of the fighting would mark a conclusion for Anna as well; no longer would she be able to keep up this charade of spying and she'd be forced to decide how it was she wanted to carry on her life. Her love for Abraham, while unmoving, was impractical and in accepting this she was beginning to look toward the future at the life waiting for her there: a renewed marriage and several children, she assumed. For Charlie, however, there was far more freedom. This war would welcome independence, not just for this country but for the young woman as well. She could now make the choice to love Ben openly and the decisions the couple made thereafter would feel just as sweet as all the moments that had led them to that very point.

When Anna did finally awake, the blithe smile that graced her rested cheeks dissipated as she sat up and observed the room around her. It was entirely possible Charlie did get in late but it seemed she rose early too as her bed was now covered with freshly mended quilts and several piles of folded breeches. The girl's productivity bewildered Anna but by the time her feet touched the carpet below Charlie was coming in, plopping down on her bed with a book in hand. She moved so quickly Anna didn't see the title but she could tell by her friend's overall disposition that her restless night had nothing to do with Ben. Or maybe it had everything to do with Ben, but not in the way Anna suspected.

The latter thought came to Anna quickly, causing her to speak and catch Charlie off guard. "Are you alright?"

Charlie forced a smile but her face did not light up in the way it usually did. "Of course."

Anna tried to smile too. "You were up early."

"I was." She didn't bother to look away from her book but she did shift on her bed, revealing the binding to Anna.

Holy Bible

"Are you pregnant?"

Charlie couldn't help but to laugh. "No. That's...no," she dismissed.

Charlotte's amusement quickly turned to anger, but only when Anna stood to begin to dress for the day. With her back turned, Charlie was able pinch at the bridge of her nose, pleading that the wells in her eyes not release. They did not but that didn't stop the lump in her throat from tightening, making breathing difficult.

When it was time for Anna to head out she shared a soft grin with Charlie but said nothing. It was as if she could feel the girl's discomfort. Anna knew there were many forms of heartbreak a woman could experience and how almost all had the sufferer wanting to be alone.

She granted Charlie her privacy but she did it with selfish undertones. Anna picked up her dress to make travel easier, heading down the path that surrounded all the other tents toward the main house. When she saw that Ben was not eating with the other officers her pace quickened. Ben was known for disappearing back in Setauket and for whatever reason, Anna always managed to find him. He was also the only one he would talk to, as if he wanted to be found by her because it meant relieving his mind of whatever consumed him. That was many years ago, before marriage and university and war turned them to adults. When Anna happened upon Ben, just where she believed he would be on the rocky shoreline, she exhaled steadily. She loved that through all of their growth some things failed to be lost.

"Did you eat?" she asked. Her petticoat was still in her grasp but when she moved closer to Ben she let it go despite knowing the rolling waves would soon soak the gown's hem. Her mind was elsewhere as she studied Ben's features. He held a letter in his hand but his gaze was cast out onto the water.

"No," he gave simply. The feigned look of appreciation matched the one Anna received from Charlie.

She nodded slowly as she planned her next step. "What are you up to then?"

Ben finally took his eyes off the horizon. "Uh, just reviewing this letter Abe sent—"

"How's he doing?"

Ben looked to his friend. Anna was a constant reminder that beyond all of this he had a life he'd left back home, that soon there'd be a life he'd need to live when all of this was over and settled. "He's...he's Abe," he tried with a small shrug.

For just a moment Anna joined her friends in pretending. "Good."

Ben was ready to move-on but then he turned back to her, facing the moment as if it were already being ripped from his grasp and he was annoyed that was the case. This was a familiar feeling but there was no comfort in it. "What was that like?"

"Hmm?"

"He...can I ask a question?"

Anna smirked. "It seems you already have, no?"

"When Abe married…" He couldn't even utter her name. "What was that like?"

Anna shrugged her way through a heavy exhale. "I don't remember much of it to be honest with you."

Ben's brow furrowed. "What?"

"Well Selah had already asked my father for my hand at that point so I instantly accepted. What else was I supposed to do? A girl can hardly live a life alone…" Her voice trailed off but as she took Ben in, Anna realized she might have more to say. "A girl, or anyone for that matter, shouldn't want to live a life alone."

"Wouldn't you rather be alone than without the person you wanted to wed?"

"Perhaps. But what I'd rather do is of little importance. I have obligations just as all women do."

"Does it get easier?"

"Which part of it?"

"Being forced to love someone you don't love?"

Anna had to laugh. Beneath all of Ben's questioning she heard the answers he was actually seeking. "You've lost it."

"I need to know, Anna."

She was slow to answer. "No. That gets easier," she said very simply.

"Oh...good."

"But it gets harder not being with the person you know you're meant to be with. Loving Selah wasn't the problem. He's a wonderful man and any woman would be so lucky to be his wife, I just...I loved him very much but somehow I still loved Abraham more." Ben said nothing. "I don't know what you're on about, Ben. What's...what's going on? This morning Charlie—"

"I mucked it up, Anna."

"Mucked what up?"

"Charlie. I...I froze. She said she loved me and I froze. I didn't know what to say so I—"

"Well do you love her?"

"I...I'm sure I do," Ben reasoned. "I think I've loved her for far longer than I know. Maybe since the day we met."

"But?"

"But Michael isn't too fond of me and I get it." Anna smirked causing Ben to do the same. "Beyond all of that, I mean," he said, referring to that morning in the river, "Charlie's life has been planned for her since birth and I'm not a part of those plans."

"Was this war a part of those plans?" She sighed. "At what point does the mind, and the heart for that matter, begin making exceptions?"

Ben grinned, laughing off a bit of the nervousness left on his tongue. "Everything feels so uncertain right now, Anna. I have this perfect girl and we're steps from winning this thing—"

"Doesn't sound too uncertain."

"My life's never been this easy...and nothing should be this easy. And I'm happy and I just feel like—"

"You deserve happiness, Ben," she implored.

"I know that."

Anna paused, disbelieving. "Do you?"

"Well—"

"Because I don't think you do. And it's okay to want to be done with this. It's okay to be over the fighting and to want to start your future. No one's judging you for that. If anything I'd say all of us would be overjoyed to see you so occupied with something beyond this war."

"All of us?"

"Caleb adores Charlotte. You know that. And you're his best friend and—"

"Yeah well I haven't opened up much to him," he admitted, adding it to the pile of things he felt inwardly disappointed by.

"You don't need to for him to know where your heads at. And he doesn't take it too personally. He is unbelievably delighted that this girl has come into your life and changed things."

"Does everyone see it but me?"

"But don't you see it?"

"I can't see much beyond this war ending. I think if I could I would have had an answer for her."

Anna looked away. "You're not going to die. It's okay to plan a wedding and children and—" Ben's widened eyes had Anna pausing. "No children then?"

"Not now. Not soon. She's—"

Anna chuckled. "Please explain to me how you can discuss these things with someone without telling them you love them?"

Ben laughed too. "I thought she kind of understood. I thought discussing it was me telling her I loved her."

Anna pushed at Ben's shoulder. "That is such a man's answer."

Ben rolled his eyes. "Well I am a man, Anna, so—"

"I only mean that if she said it, she wanted to hear it back. It's as simple as that."

"It didn't feel simple," Ben admitted. The look of horror on his face almost had Anna amused. "I thought I was going to faint. I just...I know she's left her world but I still feel so guilty. I feel like I'm taking her away from this place that provides for her far better than I ever could."

"Being betrothed to one of the best men in the Continental Army is hardly a cruel fate, Ben. You have your degree. There is so much you can do in this world and just because you've pushed all of that aside these past couple of years doesn't mean you can't think about it now."

"She's...she's an angel, Anna. She's nothing like I thought she was and I am so angry at myself for not realizing that sooner."

"Ben, listen to me, alright? You're not going anywhere. And you have a right to know what you want and to go after it."

"I know how I feel about her and I hope she does too I just—"

"You'll figure all of that out, Ben," she assured with a sweet smile. "But before you can work on any of these plans, just...you are going to have the best life and I pray Charlotte is in it. She is everything you deserve. We'd all be so lucky to have someone like that come into our lives."

"You have—"

"Maybe. But that's okay. Not everyone has a soulmate. Maybe some of us do...or all of us. And maybe sometimes it doesn't work out anyway. But I don't think that's the case here. My story isn't your story. And it's time for you to write your story."

Ben looked to her. In an odd show of emotion he wrapped his arm around her shoulder, bringing her closer so he could press a kiss to the crown of her head. As he looked back to the water he felt it, how this was possibly the last conversation he'd share with Anna where the two were still able to remember who they used to be. They had fought a war together and somehow still felt like scared children.

~!~

An errand caused Ben to miss lunch as well and when he arrived back at camp there was barely any dinner to be had. The amount of ale the men were consuming certainly raised morale but it had Ben feeling nervous. Like Charlie, he knew they were so close to a victory and yet he feared one misstep would have them sent back to the very place they'd started. Ben couldn't imagine a life where all of this was futile but his mind was hazy with those very thoughts as he readied himself for bed.

"Ben?"

The sound of Charlie's voice had him taking a step back. She wore a cloak but as he turned to her, he watched as she gingerly unveiled the hood, dropping it to her shoulders. He saw only white linen beneath the velvet of her coat and as she inhaled her shoulders raised, showing Ben she was also barefoot.

Charlie smirked and took a step toward him. "Don't look so surprised. I told you I'd come see you."

Ben could barely nod. He blinked too, wondering if perhaps his lack of sleep and inadequate nutrition had him daydreaming. His hesitant acknowledgement was donated to her lips because soon Charlie was standing before him, wrapping her arms around his neck so she could kiss him properly. Even with her close Ben froze, giving the vision he had of her time to disappear. When it didn't and she continued to move against him, Ben was finally able to soften into her touch.

Instinctively, Ben's hands fell to Charlie's hips, then just below. Her cloak, still tied at the neck, did little to conceal her state of undress. A nearby candle traced the outline of Charlie's curves, even revealing the bones of her ribs as she asked for another kiss, now with her hands pressed flat to Ben's naked chest.

His shirt fell to their feet and Charlie nearly laughed at his sudden shyness. Ben noticed, giving a nervous grin of his own. There was what he wanted and what Charlie deserved and Ben waged an internal war, unsure of which side would find victory even as she kissed him once more. With her nearly naked form flush against him, Ben felt his selfish senses take over. His grip pulled her closer and Charlie's eyes fluttered open as she felt his hardness grow.

Ben didn't notice. He couldn't. It was all he could do to continue kissing her. He knew he should have pushed her away but her mouth had convinced him that she couldn't afford to have her heart broken again - not today.

"Charlie, we shouldn't—" He wanted her there, that was without argument, but he also acknowledged that he didn't deserve her, especially not like this - especially after all he'd failed to share with her that afternoon.

With chests heaving, Charlie took a step backward. Her delicate fingers pulled at the ribbon keeping her cloak on her shoulders. The covering fell to the ground in a haloed heap.

Ben's mouth went dry. Despite knowing nothing could cure his current bewildered state, he swallowed. "Christ, Char—"

She cut him off with another searing kiss. "Shh..."

"Charlie, I'm...I—"

"It's okay, Ben. I know," she nodded. Her hand had floated to his hairline, pushing back at his fringe in an inexplicably tender way. Soon though she was upon him again, her touch grazing his chin as she coaxed a moan from him lips. That same lust had Ben's fingers creasing the soft linen of Charlie's shift. The wrinkled chemise folded at her hips and Ben's fingers crawled upon the curve of her backside, making no apology for the way they slowly began to pull the material upward.

She broke away. Ben blinked, wondering if she were coming to her senses. He wanted that for her, even if he knew it went against what he was currently craving.

"Charlie..." he tried.

Her silence had him on edge but when he reached out for her, almost as if to offer an apology, Charlie welcomed his touch once more. She nodded, accepting the sorry that never came. It mixed with the other things she told herself - things she forced herself to hear if she were to continue standing there before him.

I love you too.

"You can touch me, Ben," she reminded, now with a heaving chest that suggested which part of her body currently wanted his attention.

"I...I know that, I just—"

"I want you to."

It was clear Charlie had plans of her own. He wondered if this is what she had been doing in her tent all day or if it came to her in a moment of bravery where her feelings for Ben overshadowed her senses.

Charlie's hands fell to the seam of Ben's breeches. His eyes popped open and he stopped. "Charlie, we don't—"

"I want to," she assured, all rather innocently. Ben could tell she was being sincere and her courage had him even more anxious. Neither emotion did anything to curb his growing erection.

"We can't...here?" He briefly looked toward the tent's entrance.

"Where else?"

Ben paused. Charlie kissed at his neck, paying special attention to the stubbled skin just below his ear. "Did you have another place in mind?" she whispered raspily.

Ben's mind drifted off. He had thought of this many times, his imagination putting them in many different locations; at no point was his tent an option. His apprehension did nothing to stop the movement of her too-small fingers and soon, after only minor fumbling, Charlie had each of the buttons on his pants undone. Somehow his skin felt more hot than her fingers but her touch still burned, a single digit tracing the lines of his chest before disappearing below his waist to boldly graze his cock.

His head dropped back. Everything was foggy but even through the haze he felt Charlie looking to him, asking for reassurance. Unlike earlier, he hoped his silence acted as encouragement.

I love you too.

A nervous laugh escaped Charlie's swollen lips. "I don't know what I'm doing so I'm going to need—"

It was Ben's turn to encourage her bravery. Rather passionately his mouth found hers and though her eyes flickered shut her hand fell soft along his length, unmoving but exploring all the same.

"Christ, Char..."

"I want to make you feel good, Ben. Tell me—"

He nodded. I love you too. She heard it again.

Ben's want had his touch asking for Charlie's weight and she gave it, even if it meant losing the connection she was trying to create. He didn't mind, especially as she gripped his neck, his skin red as she moved against him. It was so easy for her to remain in his arms and yet Ben felt unsteady. Charlie must have noticed because she continued to taste him, bravely slipping her tongue past her own lips. It distracted them both from the somewhat clumsy way she reached behind her, seeking the mattress below. Her hand steadied them as Ben gently laid her down upon his cot, immediately joining her.

His own lanky frame covered her completely. The way Ben dropped his mouth to her neck kept Charlie from touching him in the way she was hoping to continue. This sensation was confirmed as he sucked at her pulse point, his palm even kneading her chest into two pert peaks. This was the first time he'd touched her in this way and as Ben's mouth dropped further down, even licking at the curve of her clavicle, Charlie felt a tingle in her stomach. Her breasts, now swollen, almost ached beneath his fingertips.

He did not ask. The way Charlie's hands went to his waist again had Ben believing such a thing was unnecessary. His silence had lead them there and he didn't want any words to ruin all they'd shared and all he hoped to share with her before the night was through.

Ben pushed down his breeches and for the first time Charlie saw all she'd felt against her leg and her tummy so many times before. Her eyes widened, floating to his only once before focusing only on his length. She felt she was in a trance, confirmed in the way she blankly reached out for him, dragging Ben's pants further off his hips. He joined her, inching the cotton covering her body upward. Her breath hitched as she felt more of the night's air kiss her skin. Goosebumps painted her complexion, mixing with the rouged cheeks she wore and how her fingers now shook against Ben's back.

In a flash Ben remembered stories he'd heard, in particular one Abe had shared with him about how his first time involved Anna staining the quilt they'd laid upon with blood. Just as quickly though, Charlie was reaching out for him, gripping his member, bringing it toward her. Instinctively his hips bucked and she giggled, concealing how terrified she felt with the prospect of receiving something Ben couldn't dare say aloud.

His eyes clamped shut but Charlie's touch, while shaky, was demanding things he could not deny. Losing control, Ben naturally settled into Charlie, slowly pushing into her.

Though this was what she wanted, her eyes clenched shut. She was unable to open them until she was sure the slight stinging she felt would not have her crying. Ben was doing all he could not to let all of his weight consume her. He knew he should have pulled out but Charlie's hands remained strong upon his biceps, even begging for a kiss as the pain began to subside. Her lips softened and her hands moved to Ben's backside, almost pushing him toward her, asking him for more.

Ben complied, unsure of whether or not he had a choice in the matter. He wanted nothing more than to give her what she was requesting and yet he was powerless against his own lust. He'd needed this very thing from the moment he'd saw her, maybe not when they'd first danced but on the several small interactions they shared thereafter. Ben wanted her just as he had her, her fingertips begging that he move against her as he soon did.

Growing accustomed to the feel of him, Charlie began to move against Ben. Their hips bumped and their breath grew more ragged with Ben even dropping his forehead to Charlie's as if to admit slight defeat. Courageously she only smiled, kissing him through the mixed emotions she felt, the slight pleasure that overtook her and how she still wished for him to say all he'd failed to thus far.

I love you too.

"Charlie—"

"It's okay, Ben."

"I...I luh—"

She cut him off with a kiss, moving her lips down to his neck and shoulders as Ben's embrace shifted her further into his arms. It was almost as if they were sitting, giving Ben better leverage to roll his body into hers. Charlie's mouth fell open in equal parts ecstasy and pain.

Ben shut his eyes, cursing the pleasure running through him while wishing they had slowed down. He wanted to enjoy this and he certainly believed he was but the unsure feeling of the pads of Charlie's fingers caused him to wonder if perhaps she was already facing regret. When those same digits turning to digging nails against the muscles of his back, Ben's gaze was reluctantly given back to her.

"Charlie, I have to.."

"No!"

"I'm going to..." He held his breath and as his eyes met hers once more she seemed to somehow know what it was he was saying. "I'm sorry, I..."

It was quick and it was cold. The ache between Charlie's legs was immediately apparent, momentarily distracting her from the way Ben's back curved once more before spilling his seed on the inside of her thigh. He practically collapsed against her, embarrassed by his lack of control especially when she placed a tender kiss to his temple.

Ben rolled over. His lungs pumped at his ribcage, causing his chest to rise and fall with each passing breath. When he looked back to Charlie he saw her fingers glistening, each finger sticky as she sucked at her own skin, tasting him.

It was likely she had no idea what her action had done but Ben rolled into her, somehow able to press a kiss of his own to her pulse point. Charlie beamed, possibly proud, as she pushed her shift back down. Ben grabbed for the blanket at their feet. The wool was pulled up to cover them as they continued to breathe one another in. They shared one last kiss. Charlie was waiting for those three words but Ben was still breathless. She couldn't fault him; she was drained too and still unabashedly content with him pressed against her.

She continued to wait, her gaze lost on the canopy above and how she swore she could see the stars through the thick burlap material that covered all they'd just shared. When Charlie looked back to Ben it was clear the expansion of his chest had slowed. Her own exhaustion allowed one last smile before lulling her into a slipping sleep.

I'm not really sure if everyone will love or hate this chapter...thoughts?

If anyone cares the title of the chapter comes from James Arthur's song Naked. It's the perfect soundtrack for the last scene :)

x. Elle