Long Nights
Spock sat at his study desk in his apartment, wearing traditional Vulcan apparel. He reviewed the document he had been working on with Cadet Kirk earlier that evening, one last time. In spite of what Number One had said, it was Jim who had contributed majorly to the final product. The Cadet possessed a remarkable ability to translate highly complex and abstract ideas into simple, plain terms. Spock was proud of their finished paper. He sent it off to Number One.
It was late night, and he should be meditating. But he logged into the StarFleet database, using his instructor privileges, and pulled up the file titled 'Finnegan'.
Full name: Sean Finnegan
Gender: Male
Species: Human
Affiliation: Federation Starfleet
Status: Active (2252)
Born: 2232, Waterloo, Iowa, Earth.
Mother: Sarah B. Finnegan (formerly Sarah Burke)
Father: John Finnegan
Academy specialization: Intelligence operations, Encryption, Computers.
The rest of the file listed his education and training leading up to his admission to StarFleet - 25 long pages of it. Spock rose from his desk and went to his tiny kitchen, to make himself a cup of Vulcan tea. Tea in hand, he returned to the desk and settled in for a long night.
When morning broke over San Francisco, Spock had just finished reading the entire file. He decided to take a break, and went to the bathroom to refresh. Afterwards, he changed into his morning running gear and left his apartment. It was a gloomy morning and the forecast predicted rain all afternoon. When he reached the base of the hill, instead of scaling it as he usually did, he simply turned around. Spock knew Jim wouldn't be joining him, but that didn't stop the surge of illogical disappointment that washed over him.
There would be no classes starting that day, due to campus wide examinations. The first years were all busy with these examinations, which would span three weeks. He had been told that the first year exams were designed to be the toughest for students and 45% of trainees failed them. Of those who failed, only 13% were considered qualified to take the remedial classes for the remainder of the year, and then allowed one more attempt at passing the exams. The rest were dismissed from StarFleet. The ones who successfully passed the first time, spent the last two months of the year training in space flight simulations.
Spock himself had no trouble undergoing these examinations, when he joined StarFleet, but his scores were considered outliers - being several standard deviations beyond any Cadet in its history. The study plan designed by Number One exempted Spock from taking these exams. He had already cleared the equivalent of third year levels, and his computer expert classification was A7 - the highest one could attain. Spock was satisfied to see Jim was taking the exams very seriously. The new ad-hoc schedule his Cadet intended to follow during this period was apparently a by-product of this effort.
Back in his apartment, Spock took a sonic shower. Jim had warned him that he would not be having breakfasts for the next three weeks at a regularly scheduled time, so Spock saw no point in going to the cafeteria. A fresh cup of tea in hand, Spock went to the wall behind his study desk and stood looking at it, while he sipped his tea. The wall was covered with little slips of colored paper. On each was listed a fact, written in Spock's neat hand.
22 August A.M. - Cadet Kirk shows up late to class. Missing PADD.
22 August P.M. - The only time Cadet Kirk submits an assignment after deadline, late at night.
22 August - Cadet Ivanov - Kirk's roommate - is attacked by unknown suspect.
23 August - Cadet Ivanov leaves StarFleet.
20 September P.M. - Cadet Kirk is seen holding sparring lesson for his batch mates. Mentions "harassment" by upper classman.
27 September A.M. - Cadet Kirk collapses during morning run.
27 September P.M - Dr. McCoy discovers neuroparalyzer in Kirk's bloodstream.
27 September P.M - Note found in Cadet Kirk's room.
28 September - Cadet Kirk experiences panic attack. First mind-meld reveals past physical and emotional abuse, and an "incident" that took place in Cadet Kirk's room. Details of the "incident" could not be obtained during the brief meld.
10 October P.M - Cadet Kirk is verbally provoked and harassed by Cadet Finnegan.
For the past several days, Spock had been trying to make sense of the facts he had at hand. But in the last twelve days especially, since their return from their trip, he had been using every available minute, foregoing sleep and food multiple times, in an effort to uncover the identity of the culprit. Despite Jim's outright rejection of any interference in this matter, Spock was ashamed that he could not stop himself. In fact, anxiety over Jim's safety had almost taken over his sanity. For every moment, that Jim was out of his sight, Spock was overcome by worry. And now it seemed he would not be seeing Jim regularly for weeks. The fear of something happening to Jim was his first thought in the morning, his last one at night. It haunted him every second and threatened to cripple him.
So, Spock had no choice but to conduct his investigation without telling Jim.
He looked at his list on the wall and tried to find a pattern. Unable to see any connections, he went back to his terminal and began reading Cadet Finnegan's file from the start. By afternoon, rain started pounding against the windows of his apartment, but Spock heard nothing - so completely engrossed was he in his reading. By evening, he had found an interesting tidbit, buried deep in the layers of information, which stood out to him.
Other qualifications: A-5 certification.
An A-5 for a fourth year human was exceptional. Cadet Finnegan seemed to have significant expertise in computers. His buffoonish manner last evening, then, must have been a ruse, in a deliberate attempt to hide his true intelligence. The need for this deception was a red flag for Spock. Next, he tried to pull up the cadet's psychological profile. But here, he met failure. His instructor privileges did not allow him access to medical and other sensitive data.
Spock finally rose from his study desk, and stretched his body. He had eaten only a bowl of soup in the last 38 hours. He forced himself to prepare a simple meal of fresh salad, then changed into terran clothing, and left the apartment.
The evening sky greeted him, wearing glorious colors, but he found no beauty in it tonight. The afternoon rains had left every surface damp, and droplets fell from tree branches as he walked under them. His feet took him to his cherished rose garden, which was also showing signs of the changing weather. The hybrids were enjoying a second bloom season; the old varieties, which were prized for their historical value, were done for the year. They would sprout buds the next spring. Spock knew a lot about roses, even before making Earth his home. Amanda was particularly fond of these beautiful flowers. He had spent many childhood evenings learning to tend to them in her rose garden on Vulcan. Those quiet moments spent with his mother, away from the walls of his Vulcan house, under the comfortable heat of the Vulcan sun, held a special spot in Spock's memories.
The Golden Gate Bridge had its usual share of tourists; the actual heavy traffic went unseen, passing through the extensive network of underground tunnels. But to Spock the bridge looked empty without a certain Cadet's presence.
After the trip to the Mendocino Coast, and the mind meld, Spock had become aware of the unthinkable - a new bond had sprung to life in his mind. It was still but nascent, and Spock was horrified at its existence. If he thought the mind-meld had been sacrilege, the presence of a bond without permission or knowledge of the other person, both puzzled him and deeply shamed him. He had immediately set upon severing the bond, but the effort started to take too much of a physical toll on him. If he was on Vulcan, a healer would have done the job. But Spock had no such luxury. He had never severed a bond before. Even the bond with T'Pring, though the weakest of any bonds he had, was still alive. It was by mutual consent, that T'Pring and he never used the bond, and it lay unused and shrivelled in a corner of his mind.
But this new bond with Jim, should have been easy to nullify. Vulcan-human bonds were not the same as Vulcan-Vulcan bonds. The only other such pair he knew of was his parents. Over the years, he had come to form the opinion, that his parents' bond was weaker than any of the other bonds in the family, but their affection towards each other was extremely strong. So, he was dismayed to find that the fledgling bond, which he had unintentionally created, would not easily give up. By day five after their return, Spock was using all his mental disciplines in uprooting the connection.
He avoided Cadet Kirk as much as he could, because he had found spending time with the Cadet fed the bond. Secure in his knowledge that he was doing the moral thing, the correct thing, the logical course of action, Spock was yet again stumped when Dr. McCoy had summoned him. The doctor's words had chilled Spock's blood down to his marrow.
He had not thought that Jim would be able to feel the bond, much less be actually affected by Spock's actions to break it. In a Vulcan bond-breaking ceremony, a rare occurrence in itself, there were sometimes more than one healer present, for the express purpose of supporting the pain felt by one or both of the bond-breakers.
When Spock realized he had been inflicting pain on Jim, his anguish had almost rendered him immobile. With his remaining willpower, he had managed to finish the conversation with Dr. McCoy and exit the lounge without letting his guards fall.
Spock had immediately ceased his attacks on the precious bond. This meant, he was now nursing an illegitimate bond, and Spock was in more trouble than ever. He had no clue where, why and how, he should approach Cadet Kirk with this information. How could the human even begin to understand the depth and concept of a mind meld, and a bond arising out it? On top of that, this bond was between two males. Spock knew of how a brother's bond felt. He tried not to think of Sybok, but the memories of his thirteen year self, floated up in his consciousness.
Sybok was the half-brother which Spock had not known about, till that fateful day, when the Vulcan youngster had come to live with them. Spock had been dismayed to learn this Sybok, was full Vulcan, borne of a Vulcan priestess, no less. His worst fears had come true. This boy would undoubtedly claim his rightful place, as the heir to Sarek. Not only was Sybok of royal blood line, he was also brought up in Gol, and was adept in the ways of Kolinahr. Spock's half-breed existence could not have been in more direct contrast.
Upon being introduced, Sybok had looked at young Spock with kindness and love, and raised his hand in the Vulcan salute. From his lips came the words, "Th'yl'a" - brother - and with that single word, he had gained Spock's eternal loyalty. It was Sybok, who had first questioned Spock's decision to follow Sarek's path. It was Sybok, who had first made Spock aware of the true nature of Vulcan emotions. It was Sybok, who had explained to Spock, the rare phenomenon of the joining of two warrior minds, from the days when Vulcans still engaged in battles. Such a joining of minds between two males had been considered the purest and strongest of all kinds. Vulcan poets wrote odes to the indestructible bond of Th'yl'a - brother, friend, lover - and Spock had been mesmerized by Sybok's words. He had not thought he would ever find another brother, another friend like Sybok, but in Jim he had found both. And now, Spock was forced to consider, the third definition - lover.
His bond with Sybok, felt different than his new bond with Jim. He desiredJim. He couldn't deny it. He couldn't stop himself from touching Jim. Yesterday evening was proof enough. He wished to hold Jim's hand forever. And yet, Jim did not know anything - the human had never consented to the bond or the mind-meld or even the idea of such relationship. Jim had spoken of dating and exploring. Spock felt like his head would explode.
He touched the spot on the bench, where Jim had sat last evening. It was still damp from the rain. Spock didn't have to count the days - he knew it was day 1 of exams; it had been 24 hours since he had last seen his human. 20 more days to go. Spock could be patient. Vulcans were born to be patient.
He turned around and went back to his apartment to continue his investigation.
Jim was in a strange place, surrounded by orange grass and gigantic trees. He was running for his life screaming on top of his lungs. Something was chasing him, a thunder of heavy feet hitting ground and ferocious growls behind him. He didn't dare to look back for fear he would lose his balance. He raced through the thick foliage, jumping over fallen trees and all the while shouting. His uniform tore at several places as sharp thorns lacerated him. He didn't care. His lungs were complaining, and his muscles started cramping. He knew he was losing the gain over whatever was chasing him.
He shouted harder, his voice cracking with panic and fear and desperation. Suddenly he shot out of the thick forest and came abruptly upon the edge of what was a mountain. The ground dropped away sharply several thousand meters below. Jim skidded to a stop and turned around. He had nowhere left to go. His mouth was still shouting the same word he had been repeating over and over again. In a moment of perfect clarity, one that comes seconds before death, he realized what he was saying. It was "Spock". He was calling out the one name, the one word, which his mind churned up without thinking.
The creature emerged from the forest. Blood thirsty eyes, saliva dripping from its mouth, it started stalking forward towards Jim. He was trapped. He had no phaser, not even a piece of rock. Everywhere he saw was covered in thick orange grass.
Spock!
Those were his last thoughts as the behemoth creature lunged and blinding pain engulfed him.
Jim shot up straight in his bed, sweat drenching his back and tears staining his cheeks. Breathing hard, he tried to orient himself. Slowly, the familiar shapes of his room's walls came into focus. He was alive, he realized. It was a dream. He was alive, and most importantly, so was Spock.
Jim had fallen asleep while studying on his PADD. With an effort, he pulled himself out of his sprawled position. The room was dark, and so was the outside sky, from his window.
"Computer what's the time?" he groaned with his eyes closed.
"2130".
It was the seventh day of exams. He wiped the tears away from his face with a hand, and stumbled out of his bed. His hair was a dishevelled mess. Jim forced himself to start walking towards the shower.
A loud knock on his door jolted him. "Do I need to call security?" A familiar voice drawled.
Bones!
Jim hurried to his door and yanked it open.
"Jeez kid! You are a hot mess!" The ever joyful doctor commented, and pushing Jim inside, stepped in casually.
"Pretty sure, you don't look like a beauty queen yourself, after being woken up rudely."
"It's not the middle of night! Civilized people are awake at this hour." McCoy grunted.
Jim gave up. "I am going to take a shower."
"I brought dinner. Make it quick." Bones found a spot among the stacks of books spread all over, and made himself comfortable.
"Thanks, man!" Jim perked up and hurried to the bathroom.
He stood in the hot water spray and slowly woke up. By the time he was dry, and brushing his teeth, he was fully awake and his brain was flying at top speed going over all the material he had been studying. Bones had been breathing down his neck about his less than perfect lifestyle, but Jim knew this was temporary. He would revert back to healthier habits once the exams ended. Contrary to what Bones believed, he wasn't trying to kill himself, and no, he wasn't worried about failing. He just wanted to beat the record. He was fairly confident of his abilities to do so, based on his past academic performance, but there was one particular Cadet he was worried about. That one Cadet had skewed the entire data in the history of StarFleet. One could simply consider his performance as an outlier, since the Vulcan brain was inherently superior, but Jim couldn't do that. He was too competitive. So, he was giving it all he had, and was studying like a maniac. As long as he gave it his 110%, he wouldn't regret anything.
Thinking of Spock's performance, he was overcome with an urge to go see him right then. He had missed Spock like crazy, like he had missed no one else ever. It had been only a week, but it felt like a whole freaking year. He missed the eyebrow raises, the quiet presence, the earnest questions about some facet of human culture, the tall lean body in a fitted uniform. He even missed the darn green soup Spock had every morning. He had made a habit of sleeping with Spock's pen under his pillow. Just two more weeks, he promised himself, and shut off his heart.
With a towel wrapped around his waist, Jim stepped out and went to his dresser to find a fresh pair of PJs.
"So, how have you been? It's not fair you know, you don't have to sit for exams," he pouted to Bones. He dressed himself.
"In case you have forgotten, I have gone through eight years of medical school. A shit load of exams, trust me." Bones was removing the assortment of notes, pens, and books from the study table to make room for their dinner.
"Plus, I do have to pass the space readiness exam by next year, if I'm to join the mission to Dramia II."
Jim felt like a new man - showered and dressed in fresh clothes. Towelling his head vigorously, he said, "I don't know how am I going to survive without you."
"I'm worried too. Who's going to feed you, huh?" Baby blue eyes looked at Jim.
"Not that! You know what I mean. I'm going to miss you, you old grump." Jim walked over to the food laid out, and enthusiastically started loading heaps of it on his plate.
"Mmmm. This is good, Bones! Never would have guessed you knew how to cook." He impaled a piece of green beans with his fork.
"Hazards of being married." McCoy replied, but his face softened at the sight of Jim hungrily scarfing down his home cooked meal.
Jim looked up from his plate and asked gently, "How's that going, Bones?"
McCoy dropped his eyes and moved a piece of potato around his plate. "The divorce papers are almost finalized."
"I am really sorry, buddy."
"I know. Thanks." McCoy finally picked the potato with his spoon and shoved it in his mouth.
They ate in silence for some time.
"Ruth has been asking about you." McCoy was back to his gruff self.
"Has she?" Jim's face broke into a grin.
"Uh-huh. I won't be surprised if she beats you at the scores. That kid doesn't know when to stop."
Jim let out a whistle. "We will see about that." He went for a second helping.
"How's your Vulcan?"
"Dunno," Jim spoke with a mouthful. "Haven't seen him in a while. I was going to ask you actually, since you must meet at breakfast."
"Nah! He hasn't been coming to the cafeteria anymore. I figured, without you around, he probably doesn't find it logical." McCoy got up and dumped his empty plate and spoon in the automatic recycler disposal chute.
"Well, if you see him, let me know, okay?" Jim tried to keep his voice nonchalant. "Thanks for the awesome food, I owe you one!" Jim cleaned up the empty containers.
"Just take care of yourself, Jim. I don't want grey hair at 25." McCoy patted on Jim's shoulder affectionately and walked towards the door. "Good night, kiddo."
"Good night, Bones" Jim leaned at the door post and waved at his friend as he left.
He shut the door and went back to settle in for a long night of study.
Notes:
1. Character reference, Sybok - Movie "Star trek V : The final frontier".
2. If anyone is interested, here is a meta by me, on StarFleet's education system. I was trying to figure it all out for this chapter (nerd alert!).
"As per canon, Jim starts StarFleet at age 19 and in 5 years, he graduates with all necessary knowledge of not just advanced theoretical concepts( wormhole, warp, matter-anti matter implosion,etc.), but also advanced military tactical and warfare training. He is also adept at basic sciences and knows how to create a crude bomb out of basic elements. Can quote literature like a boss.
Similarly, Bones is not just a doctor, but a surgeon, psychologist, exobiologist plus a researcher - he pioneers several advancements in medicine. Though exact date is not known in canon, he graduates sometime around 2252/2253- the same time Jim starts StarFleet. Around same time, he leads(not just participates) the massive inoculation program on Dramia II. McCoy is 24-25 years age.
Judging by their accomplishments and ages, I have concluded :
1. The american system of college/undergrad/grad OR pre med, med, residency, fellowship does not apply. This system is not global even in current times, so certainly can not be the system followed by an unified earth in future.
2. Every new generation is smarter and faster. The kids today learn what people in previous generations learnt, much earlier in lives. By the time in TOS world, humankind has progressed enough, where the equivalent of 4 yr college is finished by age 16-18. Jim already knows a lot before he joins StarFleet.
3. At StarFleet all of them are grad level. Similarly, McCoy has finished in 8 yrs what would take 11-12 years by current American system.
4. Finally, StarFleet is ivy league level. You need sponsorship to even get in. These men are all brightest of the brightest, so it's fair to assume that many of them have been on accelerated tracks in their school."