FIRST OFF: THANK YOU TO MY AWESOMELY AMAZING BETA GOTHPANDAOTAKU!
I gotta admit I've a thing for cozy soft blankets, okay? It may even be a kink.
I WANTED TO THANK EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU FOR REVIEWING, FOLKS! :) I THINK I MAY FORGET SOMETIMES TO RESPOND TO SOME OF YOUR REVIEWS, AND I WANT YOU ALL TO KNOW HOW THANKFUL I AM FOR THEM, EVEN WHEN I AM NOT RESPONDING ... (because I'm plain chaotic and sometimes I've no clue if I've reviewed to a review or not) ...
Obsidian ~ Raise A Little Hell
The Road So Far:
Sam sniffed and blew out a shuddering breath, mixed with a laugh. "I just pissed myself, Winchester. - Don't make it even more embarrassing."
"Well – not very sexy and SO NOT one of my kinks, but I guess I can deal with it." He winked at the younger man with a sly grin.
"You're unbelievable." Sam huffed out another laugh.
"That's why you love me.", Dean gave back.
Sam bitchfaced him right in the face.
"Screw you too, baby boy," the demon pursed his lips, as he pulled the comforter back.
When Dean hovered over him, to help him sit up, Sam slung one of his long arms around the older man's neck and pulled him down into a tentative kiss and just when Dean started to kiss back, Sam grew mightier.
It was the first attempt of the hunter to initiate something more intimate as simple touches and gestures. The first time, he took advantage of their physical closeness ever since he had woken up.
Somehow they'd deal with everything that might come along their way ... as long as they'd stick together. - At least that's what Dean Winchester thought, as he kissed the love of his life into oblivion.
Chapter 25 ~ Together We Stand
Sam hadn't left the bed, unless he needed to visit the bathroom, since that day – not after the incident, which left him more introverted than before.
Sure, Sam had kissed him – taking the lead in their relationship for the first time since he had woken up – but that obviously didn't seem to mean anything.
After Dean had helped Sam get cleaned up and dressed in fresh clothes, lowered Sam into the recliner, so that he could change the sheets and turn the mattress around, he had brought him into the bathroom and then back into bed. Then he had hurried up to get a sandwich done for the hunter and brought it to him with a big glass of apple-juice.
Sam managed to empty half of the juice, but stopped eating after half the sandwich anyways - A fact that bothered the demon more than he led on.
Actually, their whole situation bothered him like hell. Sam was sleeping a lot and his eating habits were worse than just bad. Hell, the man even watched how much he was drinking, so that he didn't have to visit the toilet every other hour or so.
After the tiny dinner, Sam had gone off into dreamland again and slept through the entire night. Dean hadn't dared to leave him on his own upstairs again, afraid, that he'd miss Sam's call if he'd need something.
Other than that, he stayed with Sam, though he didn't sleep. Instead he was listening to him breath and feeling the rise and fall of his ribcage while his hands rested on the younger man's chest. Sam's sleep wasn't as calm as it should be. Every now and then he would stir and whimper or make one of those other tiny desperate sounds, which broke Dean's heart.
So he stroked and caressed him whenever he would start to get uneasy, or irritated in his sleep and would whisper gentle words into the younger man's ear.
The next morning was rather early, since Sam needed the toilet around six in the morning for the first time, and he wouldn't fall asleep again after. Not that Dean bothered in any way.
So, Dean ran a bath for the younger man and helped him to get undressed on the bed.
Sam seemed to be even more shy than he had been before. He pulled the blanket over his torso as soon as his shirt was gone and Dean started to work on his sweats and boxers. As much as the knight tried to avoid to STARE at the scars which plastered the hunter's form, he couldn't bring himself to not to do just that.
Dean pulled the sweatpants from Sam's legs and the boxers and looked up, as he sat at the end of the bed, catching the hunter's gaze over the distance. He laid his hand on Sam's calf and blinked at him with a sweet smile.
"You don't have to hide, Sammy," he said calmly. "You know that, right?" He needed to be sure, that Sam knew - That for HIM nothing had changed between them.
Sam nibbled on his lower lip and nodded.
"Good." Dean's smile brightened. Though he knew that Sam was lying. "C'mon. Let's get your scrawny ass in the bathtub before the water turns cold."
Sam obliged. He let himself be carried into the bathtub and eased into the steaming water. He let Dean the sponge, since he insisted on washing him.
After a while, Sam's eyes fluttered shut and the tension in his muscles faded and he relaxed more and more into the warmth surrounding him. After another while, the hunter looked content and calm, as if he was asleep again.
When the water started to turn cold, Dean lifted him out of the tub (which wasn't that easy at all, not even for a super-powerful jedi-demon) and sat him on the toilet. Instantly, Sam started to shiver and his teeth started to chatter.
Dean hurried up to dry Sam off and get him into pants, a warm pair of sweats, thick socks, a tee-shirt, a flannel and a cardigan which once had to be one of Bobby's. When they were all done, Dean carried Sam downstairs. The hunter nuzzled into his neck and rested his head in the crook of Dean's neck, enjoying the warmth radiating from the other man.
When they were down, he eased Sam into the wheelchair that stood right at the foot of the stairs, waiting for its owner.
"You gonna be okay on ya own for a couple of minutes?" Dean asked hesitantly as he pulled back and laid his hand on Sam's cheek.
He nodded. "Sure." Sam blinked up at Dean and gave him a weak smile.
The knight placed a gentle kiss to Sam's forehead, before he turned back towards the stairs.
While Dean busied himself upstairs, to get the bath cleaned up and the laundry from last night and this morning into the washing machine, Sam wheeled himself into the kitchen, where he stood for quite some time and eyed the stove and the cupboards.
He huffed out a frustrated breath.
Bobby would be up soon too ...
Sam could at least try to be useful – somehow. So he maneuvered the chair towards the fridge, where he'd find eggs and bacon and maybe a bit milk.
Everything he'd needed to brew coffee was in the upper cupboards, which he couldn't reach - Which pissed him off actually. He knew how important coffee was for the grizzled hunter and the demon. They weren't fractionating without – neither was he.
With a sigh, he put the pack of bacon in his lap and placed the tray with eggs on it. Sam scooted back with the chair and knocked the door of the fridge closed, before he went back towards the stove, where he put the bacon and the eggs.
He was so sunken into what he was doing, that he didn't notice Dean standing in the doorway and smiling at him. Maybe it wouldn't be that easy for Sam anyway, but maybe it wouldn't be as hard either. At least when they'd have their own apartment ...
Dean gave him some more time, before he gave Sam a helping hand with the utensils which were out of reach and continued to make the breakfast together.
Bobby was rather surprised when he saw the both of them up and about and preparing their breakfast. He watched them for quite some time as he stood in the hallway, before he entered and greeted them with a gruff "Mornin' Boys."
Dean turned around and gave him a nod, while Sam just said a good morning back and continued to stir in the pan with eggs.
That was, when Sam flinched slightly, and let go of the spatula to lay his hand at his side and closed his eyes. He took a careful inhale and a long slow exhale followed.
"Sammy?" Dean was instantly concerned.
"It's okay," he said breathlessly, "I'm okay."
Dean pulled both pans from the stove and turned the wheelchair around, so that Sam was facing him as he squat down.
Bobby, who had been about to take a seat, was beside the men in an instant, one hand on Sam's shoulder.
"Liar," Dean ground out, pissed. "It's hurting, isn't it? - You've gotta tell me when it's hurting, you know that." He laid his hand on Sam's cheek and one over the hand holding Sam's side.
"You know it's not real pain," Sam shot back quietly, his voice vibrating. "It's just ..."
"I know what the doc said and he also told us that it's not for sure. He just said he can't find anything but adhesions – Which doesn't mean that they can't hurt." Dean was firm, though he kept his voice soft. "Sammy ... they put you through surgery for the better part of seven hours ... it's-"
"I know," Sam said and he opened his eyes lazily. He understood the demon's worry. He really did. But he also had some pride left. What meant, that he wouldn't give into a bit of ghost-pain. Not by a long shot. He had never been oversensitive to pain and sure as hell wouldn't start now.
Dean brushed long strands of chestnut-brown silky hair behind Sam's ear and sighed deeply, closing his eyes in the process.
"Breakfast and painkillers for you," he said and rose.
"But-" Sam spoke up to protest.
"No buts. - It's not healthy. Pain increases your heartrate and blood pressure." Dean said matter-of-factly, as he opened the cupboard and got three plates out. "You need something against the pain, you'll get it. So don't be stubborn like that."
Sam nodded. He knew there was no way he'd get around it. Dean would pry his mouth open and make him swallow the bitter pill no matter how hard he'd protest.
"Fine."
Bobby laid his hands at the wheelchair. "I'm gonna get you to the table, boy." And before Sam was able to respond, Bobby was already shoving him.
Sam just picked at the eggs and nibbled at the toast until Dean made him eat at least half of his serving with simple glares and dares that he'd take him to the hospital to get that gastric tube back into him.
Something that Sam would rather die than let happen again. So he ate.
Rufus called and told Bobby that he'd come around with the digger around noon, since there were some complications with the so-called "borrowing". So Dean decided to head into town to get some supplies – mainly things he had noted in his mind he needed for Sam. Like a real warm cozy blanket, another pair of sweatpants and a vest, shoes and those high-energy shakes the hospital had suggested.
Right after their breakfast and after making sure that Sam had taken his pills and that he really had swallowed them, Dean said his goodbye with a lingering kiss to Sam's lips and then he was gone.
It was short before noon, when the familiar rumble of the Impala's engine was heard in front of the house again. Sam wheeled himself from the livingroom into the hall, where he stopped and waited anxiously for the door to open.
Bobby's visitors – Sam didn't really know why they were even there – had stopped chatting all together as soon as Sam had wheeled away from them towards the front-door.
There was a loud thud from the outside and then the handle of the door went down and it flew open.
"Man, I hate shopping," Dean growled, pissed, but found his lost composure the same moment again when he spotted Sam in the middle of the hall. Within seconds there was a smile on the demon's face and he made short eye contact with his lover, before he turned back around to get the first couple of giant bags inside.
"What the hell's in there?" Sam asked curiously with risen eyebrows, as he watched Dean struggle with getting the door closed.
"Well!" Dean called out and lurked around the corner into the living-room. "Surely there could've been one of you to help me, right guys?"
He dumped the bags beside the closed door and bowed down to steal a kiss from Sam as he gripped his hand and squeezed it gently. "I'll show you later, okay?" he whispered against the younger man's mouth and stole another kiss.
"You guys know it's not very polite to STARE, right?" Dean glanced into the living-room.
Everyone looked somewhere else immediately.
Sam blushed and chuckled silently.
There was a beat of silence, before a low rumble and roaring from the outside was heard.
Sam blinked and looked up, irritated. Dean tensed visibly and his easy mood seemed to fade a bit.
"Rufus's here," Bobby said.
Sam looked towards the small group of people. "Rufus?" he asked.
It wasn't common for Bobby to have THAT MUCH activity in his house. After all the old man had always said he loved the silence and peace around here ...
Dean cleared his throat and smiled nervously at Sam, before he vanished behind him and gripped the wheel-chair tightly.
"Gotta show you something," Dean whispered into his ear.
"I'll show him around," Bobby rose from the recliner and all the others with him, leaving through the front entrance, while Dean started to shove the chair towards the back entrance, which led directly to the backyard of the salvage.
"Where are you bringing me?" Sam sounded rather confused and a bit shaky. "What's up, Dean?"
The demon's smile widened and he stopped shortly to bow down and kiss the hunter's head. "Wait and see, baby," he said before he started to direct the chair further down the corridor.
Finally getting behind the house and outside, Sam's expression blanked immediately as he saw the cleaned up area and the lack of cars and wild weed. Instead of wrecks, there was nothing but dirt and a sized area.
"Dean?" Sam asked.
The digger came into view from their right and Rufus waved at them in his goofy kind of way. Behind the digger, Bobby, Ellen, Caleb, Jim and Joshua appeared with shovels in their hands.
Sam's hands started to tremble and he reached up to grab a piece of fabric from Dean's clothes. There were tears starting to burn in his eyes and he swallowed down a sob. Of course he knew what this all meant.
They were about to get their own four walls right behind Bobby's. There were people, Sam barely knew, who were obviously going to help them build something of their own. And then there was Bobby, who obviously didn't care that he was sacrificing quite some space of his own property to the both of them ...
Well, high likely it was because of Dean. Because DEAN was the one who knew them ... if it wasn't for him he'd be somewhere else, rotting.
Tears welled up in his eyes once again and this time he couldn't help the sobs which were escaping his mouth. He saw through misty eyes how those people looked at him – their faces faltering rapidly.
And Sam wasn't sure if he should laugh ... or cry. Because he wasn't the one they were doing this for. They were doing this for DEAN. THEIR friend with the liability at his side ...
"Sam." Dean sounded utterly concerned, as he laid his hand on Sam's shoulder and squeezed it gently.
"I'm sorry ... 'm sorry, Dean." Sam hiccupped and his body trembled under the immense weight suddenly resting on his shoulders.
Dean threw a help-searching gaze towards his friends, before he went down in front of Sam and cupped his face tightly in between his hands and forced him to look him in the eyes. He wiped the streaming tears away from Sam's cheeks, who cast his look down as good as he could.
"Sammy ..." Dean was there – right in front of him. "... c'mon, kiddo. It's okay. It's something beautiful, isn't it?"
Sam nodded furiously. The only thing he really wanted was to go inside – away from them, from this place. If he had been able to walk he'd run ... but he couldn't. Sam couldn't go anywhere on his own. He couldn't DO anything on his own ...
"Thanks," Sam stuttered in between sobs. "Thanks." He threw his arms up and around Dean's neck and held onto him tightly. "Thank you," he whispered as he buried his face into the older man's shoulder.
Taken aback, Dean wrapped his arms gently around his lover and squeezed him carefully.
"You okay?" Dean asked silently.
Sam nodded into his shoulder and blew out a half-sob and half chuckle. "I think I need to go pee."
After that, Dean brought Sam upstairs and settled him into the bed and wrapped him into one of the two new cozy blankets in plain dark-brown.
When Sam's weeping had subsided and he had dozed off, Dean headed back downstairs and got two walkie talkies from one of the bags he had dumped beside the front door earlier. He checked the batteries, before he placed one of them on the empty half of the bed, right beside Sam and stored the other one in the back-pocket of his jeans.
He checked the walkies a last time before he headed downstairs and back around the house, where Rufus was already starting to move some serious amount of earth.
"Sam's okay?" Bobby asked, serious concern swinging in his voice.
Dean blew out a huff and nodded – more to himself than Bobby. "He's gonna be... Sam's... he's different, you know?" He glanced at the other man worriedly, trying to figure out what he'd think about it. "He's so ... COMPLETELY different from ... from-"
"From how he'd been before?" Bobby gave him a sad smile. He sighed deeply. "It's gonna take time, boy- Trust me. And if ... if he's not getting over it on his own, we'll look for someone who can help him – someone professional."
Dean nodded again, as he pulled his gloves over.
"What'd you think you're doing?" Bobby nudged Dean's shoulder – not so carefully.
"Working?" Dean shot back with risen eyebrows.
"Nah. You go back in there and stay with Sam for fuck's sake, kid." He said gruffly. "I don't want to see you out here working for the rest of the week. And when Sam's halfway better later on, you can join us eventually."
"What? You can't be serious, Bobby. I won't let you guys work out here while I'm-" Dean started, but got stopped by Bobby's risen hand. "No boy - You listen carefully: That was my idea. I do appreciate your support, but I sure don't want it, if it mean's that you've gotta have a buttload of stress because you THINK you need to be out here with us, while your mind's actually in the house with Sam." Bobby sounded dead-drop serious about it.
And Dean couldn't do anything but obey the older man's orders.
One Month Later ...
Things hadn't gotten a lot better with Sam. If anything, the young hunter was pulling back into himself even more ... Sam was barely talking these days. Hell, he wasn't doing a lot besides sleeping. Even his eating-habits got worse, and Dean didn't know what to do since Sam wouldn't talk to him about what was actually bothering him that bad.
Though, Dean had a feeling about what could probably cause Sam's behaviour. An assumption. It was sex. Nope, Dean wasn't kidding. After thinking it over and over again ... sure there were some other things too that high likely caused Sam's bad mood.
But there certainly was this one topic over everything else. Sometimes Sam would look at him like he wanted to talk... or something, but then he would just look away ... not to mention the multiple times Sam had a visible erection hidden beyond a blanket or his hands whenever they got closer in bed, or in the bathtub.
Dean knew that Sam could pretty well get aroused and things like that ... it might not work in the same way it had before, but he still could. And somehow, he seemed too embarrassed to let Dean anywhere close to his lower department ... or even touch him in any other way than necessary.
THAT had to change ...
It wasn't that Dean NEEDED it that desperately. Hell, he wouldn't force himself on the hunter – no way. Though, Sam had some serious issues right now which had to be taken care off.
Maybe it'd work – maybe it wouldn't.
Maybe his plan would go south and he'd curse at himself for even trying ... but he HAD to do something before Sam was giving himself up for good since he was already halfway there.
Either Sam would talk soon, or he had to make his own assumptions about why Samuel Campbell didn't want him that way anymore ...
Sam was currently sitting on the couch, a blanket laid over his lap, the wheelchair right beside him so he'd be able to climb into it on his own when he wanted to ... he didn't want to anyway.
This was all so messed up. He was messed up. Sam didn't know what to do or how to act. Bobby's and Dean's friends were already working outside to build their home as he sat here on the couch. Trying to watch TV while he sorted his mind. At least the tried to sort his mind.
Dean was just ... he was awesome. In every kind of way actually. The man tried to give him time and was achingly patient with him, no matter in which way. He could consider himself lucky to have him – he really could. Dean was doing everything for him ... and Sam was doing nothing to show his thanks to him.
He felt guilty. And useless. Oh god, why the hell couldn't he just die? Why couldn't he die and the world right itself? Everyone would be able to go their own way– without a liability like him ...
Another thing that bothered him endlessly was, that he wanted to be close to Dean. Not just close, like sitting together, side by side. He wanted to be intimate with him – like before everything had happened. But he couldn't get himself to let it happen.
Dean had made some attempts to get below his waistband, but Sam had said that he didn't feel well, or that he had a headache. Because he just couldn't let it happen. He couldn't let Dean do all the damn work while he'd lay there – no matter how bad he wanted it.
So here he was, sitting on the couch and thinking, trying to reassure himself, that all of his negative thoughts weren't true. That Dean loved him, no matter how bad he may look, or how unmovable he was. He tried to reassure himself, that he was useful in some kind of way. He could do research and stuff, he could be something similar to Bobby. An encyclopedia of knowledge to other hunters – after all he had hunted monsters ever since he had been a kid.
Maybe, somehow that'd work ...
Dean was standing in the doorway and watching him drifting in and out of sleep ... he stood there for a long while actually ... just watching as the wheels in Sam's head were rattling.
"Sammy?" Dean asked finally.
The hunter blinked and his absent look changed as he drifted into the here and now. He looked over at Dean, who was pushing himself away from the door frame and walking over to him.
"Yeah?" Sam looked up at him with big eyes.
"We need to talk." It wasn't a question, nor was it an order. It was a matter of fact.
Sam nodded to himself. He knew this point would come some time soon, since he had been sensing that Dean was about to snap if they wouldn't work things out.
"I know," he muttered.
Dean lifted the blanket up and sneaked under it, getting settled beside him. He laid his arm around Sam's shoulders and pulled him a bit closer.
Sam let himself be pulled against the man's shoulder and blew out a sigh.
"We can't go on like this. YOU and me we can't go on like this - You're killing yourself here. You're killing me." The demon's eyes flashed black for the matter of a moment. "I've the feeling I'm loosing you all over again ... And I can't do that. I can't lose you ... I can't watch you waste away beside me ..." His voice was soft and filled with concern and honesty.
There was a beat of silence.
Sam let the words sink in.
"I don't want to be saved, Dean - Why can't you just let me go?" Sam's voice was barely a whisper.
"Because I love you too bad to let that happen." Dean placed a gentle kiss on the hunter's head and sucked in a deep breath of girly shampoo.
"I can't give you what you want," Sam continued silently.
"Who says that I want you to give me something?" he asked.
"Because you're trying. - And I just can't." Sam sighed desperately. "I can't ..."
"You don't have to," he gave back seriously.
"Dean ..." Sam snuggled into his side to get more comfortable. "... It's not like I wouldn't want to ... I promise it's not."
Dean thought about that for a moment. "So ... you want to, but you can't? That's all?" Relief washed over him in the moment and the tight knot in his chest dissolved slowly into nothingness.
"That's all? Dean. That's A LOT." The ex hunter huffed out a bitter laugh and shook his head. He would even have pulled back a bit if he could have, but Dean wouldn't let him.
Dean thought again. "Is it ... physically ... or ..." He couldn't say it out loud. After all this was weird to talk about.
This time, Sam pulled back and Dean let him. "No. It's not physically. I can get it up – you already noticed that I can, didn't you?"
The demon chuckled awkwardly. "Yeah ... well. Yes."
"I don't know why I can't ... It's ... it's like ... first I want to and then ... somehow ... then I CAN'T. I just don't know HOW and ..." Sam couldn't describe the feeling – not with words.
"Panic," Dean muttered to himself and shook his head before he locked his gaze again with the younger man.
Sam cast his look down and nodded. "I don't know why ..."
"And what if I'd nudge you into the right direction? What if I'd try to go on? You'd enjoy it?" Dean asked tentatively.
"I don't know." It was quiet and awkward and all things crazy. Maybe if he'd nudge him past the boundary which hindered him, maybe then it'd work. Sam's eyes flickered up to catch a glimpse of obsidian in the demon's eyes. - Something that happened pretty often lately. "I honestly don't know, Dean ..."
Dean tugged him back against his side and nuzzled with his nose into Sam's hair, kissing it gently. "I'll think of something, okay? ... IF you eat your dinner later ..." He smirked a bit now.
Sam chuckled. "You can't blackmail me with sex and food – I'm not you." He scooted a bit closer and laid his head back against Dean's shoulder.
Both sat there in silence, watching Buffy stabbing one of those ugly bitches right in the heart.
Dean thrusted Bobby a roll of bills in the hand and told him to go to Doughy's for dinner, and into a bar later on. He also told him that they should take their time and not hurry things up.
When Bobby wanted to know if Sam and he wouldn't come, he instantly understood by just looking Dean in the eyes and he just nodded, a confused expression on his face. "Just ... don't hurt him, okay?"
The demon looked at him rather surprised. "Bobby ... you know I wouldn't."
The grizzled hunter huffed out a breath. "I know – but you know what I mean, okay? Whatever it is you're planning for tonight ... don't break any furniture, will ya'?" He winked at him with a half-smile.
Dean winked back at him. "Have fun in town."
Bobby huffed out a breath. Sure he'd have fun and to crown it all he'd spend most of the night in a bar at the bar, all on his own until they'd lock it down ...
"Don't expect me to be gone the whole night, boy, you understand?" Bobby said, as he was heading back outside through the backdoor to call it a day for everyone.
Bobby muttered something under his breath before he closed the door behind him.
With a satisfied smirk, Dean turned back around towards the kitchen, where spaghetti and sugo were cooking.
"Sammy ..." Dean muttered with a sigh, as he pulled the pot with the sugo from the stove and checked on the noodles. He then glanced at the walkie, which was laying on the kitchen counter and he frowned slightly at the lack of activity. Usually Sam wouldn't be asleep for that long ... at least not all the damn time. "Time you get your scrawny ass up, babe."
And as if on command, the walkie's loudspeaker cracked ...
Dean let nothing on. At least he tried to, though Sam seemed to be curious. At least he seemed curious ever since he noticed that Bobby wasn't around, nor anyone else. He also seemed to notice the lack of noise from the outside.
"Where are the others?" Sam asked finally, wrapping the blanket tighter around his shoulders.
"I sent them into town – Doughy's," Dean answered casually. "Wanted to spend some quality time with you. Alone." He currently stood with the back to Sam, preparing two plates with spaghetti and sugo. When he turned back around, he held the plates in his hands and wore a genuine smile on his face.
Sam watched his partner curiously. "Alone?" it sounded nearly hesitant.
"Yep," Dean answered as if it was nothing special. "Just you and me."
Sam sucked in his lower lip and bit down on it, eying the serving of food before him for a long moment, before he looked over at Dean's. He had made a smaller one for the ex hunter – which he was actually grateful for.
"Because of what we were talking earlier?" Sam continued asking, while Dean took his seat at the table.
"Not just because of that, Sam," Dean looked up and shoved a spoon and a fork towards the younger man. "But yeah – mainly because I figured you could seduce me, Bitch ..." He wiggled with his eyebrows in that funny kind of way.
Sam chuckled, as he twisted the noodles around his fork. "Sure, Jerk. - Figured you want me naked all over the kitchen-table," he shot back and took the bite in his mouth.
Dean looked up at him surprised. These days Sam wouldn't hop on the train of dirty talk that easy. "Figured the counter's more comfortable ... better height and such," he answered as if they were discussing what color their curtains would have.
Sam leaned back with a sigh, all of a sudden looking stricken. "Bobby'd kill us," he muttered, as he eyed the contents of the plate.
Dean decided for once not to argue about the fact that Sam was going to say that he's done after just a fork full. To his surprise, the younger man forked up some more noodles.
"Tastes good, Dean," Sam muttered between his fourth and fifth fork of Spaghetti Bolognese.
Dean gave him a soft smile and a nod. "I'm awesome."
"You're awesome."
Sure Sam didn't eat the whole plate, but he visibly tried to, without saying once that he couldn't go on ...
And Dean wouldn't force him. - Not after he had eaten more than usual.
When they were both done, Dean cleaned up the dishes, while Sam was drying them off, sharing loving glances every now and then.
"Bed?" Dean asked then.
Sam blushed. He knew why Dean had sent Bobby into town with the others. If he wouldn't, they'd be here right now and would stay until some time around midnight chatting and laughing ...
The younger man nodded shyly and looked aside for a moment. "What if it won't-"
Dean silenced him with a peck to his lips. "It's gonna be okay, baby. Don't you worry," he said reassuringly and soft.
Dean eased the hunter onto the bed, covers already thrown back over the back of the bed. Just the spare light on the nightstand illuminated the room tenderly and flooding it with a pale orange-yellow light.
They kept their eyes on each other, while Dean helped him to get in the middle of the bed, hovering over him all the time. Close, but not too close.
The knight sealed his lips over Sam's, lowering himself onto him, until their hips met, though still parted due rough denim and soft sweatpants. Sam's instincts told him to arch into the pressure above him, but his limbs wouldn't obey – they never did.
A helpless, frustrated moan fell from the younger man's lips.
"Tell me what you want, baby boy.", Dean whispered against his lips. "Whatever you want."
Sam searched the older man's eyes. "You, Dean. I want you ..." Before he could continue, Dean sealed his lips back over his and parted them with his tongue.
Dean kissed and licked along the younger man's jaw, towards his left ear, nipping on the lope gently. His breath ghosted over Sam's neck, making him shiver.
"If you ... really want me to ... stop, Sammy ..." Dean said between kisses, "... say apple-pie."
A low chuckle aroused from Sam's throat. "Apple-pie?" he said breathlessly, ".. really? You're gonna tie me down? Cuff me to the bed?"
The knight bit down right below Sam's earlobe and sucked the tender skin into his mouth, giving him a hickey.
"Not tonight. Though I'll keep going, Sam. - No matter what. Until you tell me stop. Until you say the word." Dean whispered, pressing his hips gainst Sam's. "Without asking questions afterwards. No justifying why."
The younger man made a little noise of aproval, feeling his manhood grow under the constant friction. "'kay. Apple pie it is," he breathed, followed by a deep moan, when Dean ground down against him.
So far it was nothing they hadn't done before in those two months ...
"You trust me?" Dean whispered in his ear.
Sam shuddered, when the knight's fingers ghosted over his cheek and jaw. "Yeah."
Dean shifted his legs to Sam's sides and sat up on over his stomach. His fingers soon found their way towards Sam's button-down shirt, slowly starting to unbutton it, revealing more and more of the pale skin below.
Sam got up on his elbows and let Dean brush the fabric off of him. Rather urgent, he removed his own shirt, before he went back to caress Sam's chest and nipples with his fingers and mouth.
"Beautiful," Dean whispered against warm skin. "And sweet ..."
Sam arched into the ministrations, his hands finding the other man's bare, muscular chest. "Dean," he breathed, closing his eyes to will the rising panic inside of him to subside.
He didn't stop, ignoring the soft plea. Instead he started to remove Sam's sweatpants and boxers in one go, kissing his way down and back up again when he done. "You feel good," he said breathlessly, "So good, Sunshine. I've missed this ..."
Sam sucked in his lower lip, feeling short, spiked hair under his palms. Dean sealed his lips over Sam's one more time, before he struggled out of his jeans and boxers not so gracefully.
Every time Dean would praise him, would tell him how handsome he was, Sam felt himself on the verge to say their safeword, no matter how bad he wanted Dean to keep going.
Sam's eyes fluttered open, when he felt Dean shift and lay down beside him, searching instantly for him with his eyes.
"It's okay, Sammy," Dean whispered, while he fumbled for something in the drawer of the nightstand.
When Dean found what he was looking for, he turned back around, searching Sam's face intently. "You remember it, don't you?" he asked then.
Sam nodded. Sure he remembered the safeword. - Miraculously he seemed safer WITH it, as if it was giving him security to truly stop this, without either one of them questioning it later on.
Dean put the small bottle beside him and turned towards Sam. He nudged him a bit, to show him that he should turn over, looking into the other direction. Sam did as best as he could and the knight helped him with his legs, never missing an opportunity to kiss Sam's soft skin while he worked on getting him into the right position.
When he was done, Dean inched closer, until his skin was flush against Sam's back and he felt the younger man lean back into him, one hand searching contact. Dean reached for it, while his other one eased under Sam's neck, kissing and licking along the curve of his neck and shoulder.
The younger man made a surprised noise, as he felt Dean's hard length sneak in between in globes. He tried to move against it, but his legs wouldn't obey, and he stayed in the same position as he was in.
"It's okay," Dean whispered and the bottle of lube was heard being uncapped. "I got you. I'll make this good."
Sam felt cool slick digits slide along his cleft and his breath hitched at the very moment they passed his puckered entrance. - Again the need to arch into the touch kept being unheard by his body.
"I trust you," Sam muttered breathy, "Trust you with my life."
Dean smiled into Sam's shoulder, tracing back up with his slick fingers towards his hole. He could feel fluttering muscles, when he started to circle and tease his way around it and ever so gently nudged inside without really penetrating.
Just when felt Sam relax more and more, he dared to enter him carefully.
Dean took his time to get Sam ready. He needed it. Dean needed it. He needed to know that Samuel would enjoy what they were doing – that he was ready and that he wouldn't hurt him.
What seemed like an eternity later, Sam was a writhing mess, making all those tiny desperate, silent noises, until Dean couldn't take it anymore.
"You're mine," the knight groaned, as he slicked his rock-hard arousal up. "Mine, Sam. - I won't let you go ever."
Sam's breath hitched at those words and gasped, when he felt Dean's manhood nudge at his hole. "Dean ... Dean ..." Sam threw his head back, so that it rested against the knight's shoulder.
He ever so slowly eased into the tight, warm tunnel until the head of his erection was inside. It took a whole lot of self-control to stay like that.
Then he reached around Sam's waist and his hand slowly made its way up over his stomach, ribcage and towards his neck. Ever so gently, his hand curled around Sam's neck. Not in an attempt to choke him, or claim him. It was more about the fact, that this was Sam's most fragile body-part and that Sam exposed it to him. Showed him how much he trusted him.
When nothing but an aroused gasp fell from the ex hunter's lips, and Dean felt a large hand curl around his wrist – not to pull his hand away, but to hold him in place, he slowly started to inch his way into Sam with little pushes.
"Sammy," he moaned, feeling the beat of Sam's artery against his ring-finger.
The noise, which came from Sam's lips then, was pretty much something desperate and longing.
"So good, baby boy. So good." Dean praised panting, as he was fully seated inside of him, surrounded by tightness and heat.
They made love.
Slow and unbelievably gentle.
Something Dean Winchester hadn't done before – not like this – not ever. Because it had never been love before. Not in the slightest. And This? THIS was special. Because it was with Sam. He didn't need anything – anyone – besides this man ever again in his entire man. No matter how broken, or damaged he might was. Physically or emotionally.
This. Here. Was where he wanted to stay. Forever.
- The End -
THIS CHAPTER WILL BE BETA'D LATER ON.
;) Heya, guys. There might be a sequel. I know I write that at the end of all my stories, because there MIGHT be a sequel after all.
THOUGH: there was this prompt from sammygothispantieson: hurt!crazy!bottom!hermaphrodite!sam, protective!possessive!hunter!dean, mpreg, crossdressing, salvage!fic, heat!circles, alpha!beta!omaga!dynamics - just saying: THAT'S ONE HELL OF A PROMPT, girl and I can't promise anything about it. But I'm trying, okay?
So ... if you got anything you wanna read in the new story ... you can PM me, okay?
So, I'm off to work on this one ;)