A Moment

I blinked, unsure of what I had just heard. It took a few moments for me to realize that Farkas was patiently waiting for more of a response than dumbfounded silence. I could just see Vilkas criticizing me now while simultaneously saying "I told you so," arms folded impetuously over his chest.

"You do? I mean...how long...I just..." was my very intelligent reply.

"I do not know. Vilkas made me aware of it."

"Vilkas?" I said, voice high in surprise.

"He talked to me about you before we left to find the shard. When I saw you hurt I...didn't handle it well. I realized he may be right about it," Farkas said, watching me carefully.

"Is that why you...turned?"

"Yes. I can change at will most times now, it comes with time. Sometimes I can't help it though. I couldn't help it then. Even though I promised Kodlak I wouldn't."

"Oh."

We fell into silence once again and I stared at my hands to avoid his penetrating gaze.

"I'm sorry," Farkas said, "if this makes you uncomfortable."

"I...it's not...just give me a moment, I need to think," I said, stumbling over my words again.

I took a deep breath. It had been months since I'd really had to think too deeply. I had been so focused on "completing the task" ever since I'd left Riften that I hadn't had time to reflect on anything. I hadn't wanted to think about my mother or the fact that I was apparently adopted. I hadn't thought about that night in the cabin with the Breton woman from the Dark Brotherhood. I hadn't wanted to think about natural thieving skills came to me. I didn't want to think about being Dovakiin. I hadn't wanted to think about how I had begun to consider Riften home despite my short stay or how I had been missing Lynn's incessant talking or Brynjolf's laid-back smirk.

I looked at Farkas again and thought about my life since I'd been at Jorrvaskr. It had only been several months but in that time I'd felt safe (despite being sent out to wrangle giants half the time). I didn't have to think about my family situation because they had become my family. I hadn't had to think about my uncanny stealth abilities because I had never needed them. Everything had felt stable, secure, and if I was honest with myself wasn't this what I had wanted all my life, since the first time I had picked up a bow back home in Cyrodiil? Hadn't I wanted to be a fighter? To be noble and honest and do good? And unlike the Fighters Guild back home, the Companions felt like more than just sell-swords banded together to make money. They were my family.

I had become complacent here. I hadn't had to worry or plan or struggle to come to terms with life here. It was natural. Just like my relationship with Farkas until the last couple of minutes.

"The Companions feels like a safe harbor in the midst of the chaos that was my life a couple of months ago. I feel like I've gotten really close to you in the last few months, closer than probably anyone else in Skyrim, or even Cyrodiil. I just...I've never thought of you that way though," I said finally. "I haven't thought about anyone that way in a long time. I've just been so focused on what I'm doing that I hadn't considered thinking of anyone that way."

"I understand. It must be hard to be so far from home," Farkas said. "And Skyrim has not been the kindest to you."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "You can say that again. I told you about how I came here to find my father right, or someone who said they had information about him? Well that hasn't been...what I'd hoped for either. Plus the whole almost-got-beheaded deal and the dragons and...yeah. I mean, Vilkas being on my case constantly is like a breeze after everything. I just...you're my closest friend right now Farkas. I don't know how I feel about you but I know I don't want to lose you. I don't want to mess things up."

"We will always be friends, Everlee. Even if you do not end up liking me as more than that. You're my Shield-Sister first," he said, smiling.

I smiled back, his true grin too contagious to deny. "Good."

"Would you...like to dance?" Farkas asked.

"You can dance?"

"Kodlak taught me, though I am not as good at it as Aela or Vilkas."

"Wish someone had taught me. I don't know how. I'll look more awkward than Njada!"

"I'm sure you will be fine," Farkas said.

He rose from the bench and held out his hand for me to take. Dancing was not something I had done since I was a young girl, brought to a ball put on by the mages of my mother's guild. I remembered awkwardly sitting by the drinks and thinking of all the maneuvers my tutor had taught me the day before until one boy, significantly younger, asked me to dance. I had trampled his feet. He hadn't asked me for the next song.

"Don't count on it," I said, but took his hand anyway.

Like some bard-cliche, as soon as I had risen and joined hands with him, the musicians' music slowed and a woman's voice, haunting and high began to sing about some far off ice castle. I was suddenly very nervous and too aware of everything. My feet didn't know what to do, my hands were too warm, my head only came up to the bottom of Farkas's chest. I tried to control my breathing but when that didn't work, I focused on the feeling of his rising chest as he pulled me in closer and we began to dance.

"I'm too short for this," I joked, my voice coming out in a whisper.

"Hmm..." he said.

Without warning he lifted me off my feet and planted me firmly on the bench so that we were now about eye-level. I could feel my cheeks burning. A quick cursory glance around the room proved my biggest fear, that everyone was now looking at us.

"Don't worry about them," Farkas said. "They won't judge you."

I thought about saying something about Njada and Skjor doing just that when he pulled me in close again, slowly swaying from side to side. I felt myself calming, relaxing and forgetting about earlier that day or my meeting tomorrow or about everyone in the Hall. Before long, Farkas had picked me up and planted me back on the ground so that we could really dance. I found myself following his lead, matching his moves as I had matched his brother's during our duel. It wasn't so hard when I wasn't trying to over-think it.

When the song ended Farkas pulled away, grinning. "See, you are not that bad."

I laughed. "Thanks."

He smiled and we talked the rest of the night just like the old Everlee and Farkas had. There was no more awkwardness, no more angry brother to get in our way, and I began to feel normal again. Of course, it wasn't the same. I knew how he felt about me. I knew that he was my best friend. I knew I'd be on the look out for any romantic feelings I had for him from now on. But in the end, this was Farkas, and I couldn't be awkward around him for long.

When the night was ending, light shining through to the hall, we called it a night. The bards said their farewells, Torvar was drunkenly sleeping strewn across the bench (having made a failed pass at Ria hours earlier), Vilkas never showed, and no one had seen Athis or Njada for some time. Farkas walked me to the common dorm and stood outside it, instead of simply saying good bye.

"Good morning, Everlee," he said.

He leaned down and kissed my forehead. I felt something stir inside me as my cheeks heated up.

"Good night, Farkas," I replied. "Wait...did you say morning?"

"Yes," he said, laughing goodnaturedly. "Did you not notice the sun?"

I smiled sheepishly. "Yes I did...I was just...distracted."

I commanded my cheeks to stop blushing to no avail. I looked toward the beds, my body aching from injury and fatigue but knew I had to do something first. I looked back at Farkas, and hugged him quickly with one arm.

"I have to meet with someone this morning. It totally slipped my mind," I said.

"You should sleep first."

"No time," I said, quickly rushing inside, shifting through my trunk and finding two potions.

I downed the poultices quickly, one to keep me awake and one to ease the pain. I didn't like to use them over-much (replenishing them was getting awfully expensive on my limited salary) but this was an emergency.

"I'll be home soon, Farkas," I said.

He smiled, "Home."

I realized I hadn't spoken of Jorrvaskr like that aloud. I smiled at him and nodded. "Bye Shield-Brother."

"See you soon, Shield-Sister," he said and headed off to bed.

I smiled and then took a deep breath. Brynjolf awaited.