Halloween World The Halloween that Never Ends Chapter 25: HALLOWEEN WORLD WAR Part 20 VICTORY, an Anime X-overs + Buffy X-overs Crossover fanfic

See 1st chapter for Disclaimer

READ AND REVIEW

LINKS IN PROFILE

Halloween World: No Way Home by AkatsukiDaybreak

Twisting the Hellmouth org/Story-16199

Halloween World: World Wide Weird by Weaver

Twisting the Hellmouth org/Story-16467

Halloween World: Strange Bedfellows by Aesop

Twisting the Hellmouth org/Story-16545

Halloween World: Snapshots of the Hallow Earth

.org/Story-16635

Halloween World: Records of Chaos by Weaver Plus

.org/Story-16804

Halloween World: Crossroads by AkatsukiDaybreak Plus

.org/Story-16848

A challenge for people who want to write Halloween World side stories.

Halloween World - Side Stories in the Eternal Night

.org/Challenge-3717

NEWS

Halloween World: Twelve Years Later by Weaver

Summary: A lot can happen in twelve years

.org/Story-17407

Halloween World: Emerald Hope's Bulletin Board

Summary: Set in spaceman's "Halloween World" AU. Tips on surviving Northwest Florida under the Red Sky.

.org/Story-17792

BETA READER: WEAVER

----------------------------------------------------------------------

CHAPTER 37- HALLOWEEN WORLD WAR Part 20

- THE SECOND RETURN PART 9

----------------------------------------------------------------------

September 17, 2015 - VICTORY!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Today we celebrate the end of the Colony Wars. The world was forever changed on October 31, 1997. Many people saw their world collapse into a nightmare. Many found themselves far from their homes. Many found themselves facing horrors and others that wished them harm. We survived. We adapted to the world and we survived. We fought the horrors and we survived. We fought those who wish our enslavement and destruction, and *We* Survived. This is our world, this is our home, and *We Will Survive* !"

A party is a gathering of persons who have been invited by a host for the purposes of socializing, conversation, and recreation. A party will typically feature eating and drinking, and often music and dancing as well.

Some parties are held in honor of a specific person, day, or event (e.g., a birthday party, a Super Bowl party, or a St. Patrick's Day party). Parties of this kind are often called celebrations.

All over the world, the colonies are celebrating the end of the colony wars and even most of the vampire types are celebrating the return of the sun.

In Machina there are concerts by the most talented of idols and singers. The names include Macross Idols Lynn Minmay, Myung Fang Lone, Ranka Lee, Sheryl Nome, and others; Lacus Clyne and her twin Meer Campbell, and even the Digimon hero Yamato "Matt" Ishida. The City is filled with holographic imagery, while the sparks of all sentient machines resonate and sing their own language. There is even an air show from the various Macross and. Gundam pilots, who celebrate the ability to fly high in the sky again.

In Sunnydale, the vast array of characters are celebrating in their own ways. Most of the parties involve sex and alcohol, while the younger crowd are eating more candy and junk food then their parents ate in decades. The sky above Sunnydale is filled with fireworks, holograms, and random illusion spells. The Naruto Militia is having a ramen eating contest while Ryozanpaku is hosting a martial arts demonstration. The various older ninja haven't partied since the defeat of the Kyubi no Kitsune, but they are going wild. Some of the clubs that host vampires and darker creatures are dancing in showers of fake blood and getting seriously drunk. Even Dr. Joyce "Tsunade" Summers and Dr. Xander Cho Hakkai Harris are enjoying the festivities. In Tsunade's case, she's enjoying drunken gambling with Jiraiya and the hospital staff and loving it despite losing a lot. In Xander's case, he's spending time with his wives going to the various carnivals during the day. What's he doing during the night is between Xander and his wives.

In Magia, the magic of city itself is singing, sounding like a million phoenixes in unison. Each of its magical people, from the human magic users to magic creatures to sentient trees and puppets, are glowing and releases particles of magic. Those tiny particles of light flow together to form a light show in every part of Magia. Even the Magian Sea glows as the city's energy increases with the loss of the dark forces.

In Sin City, the latest incarnations of the sins are enjoying the end of the war because it means their plans can go forward. Without funds being 'wasted' on the war efforts, Greed will be filling his vaults with gold, jewels, and other valuable things. Gluttony is feasting, knowing food production will increase without the drain and destruction of the war. Lust is celebrating with dozens of men and women, and so is most of the city. Envy is wishing he had more and wishing the war had ended sooner, so he could have more now. Sloth is relaxing in a hotel being tended by servants and not lifting a finger. Wrath is fighting other fighters, who are celebrating with a bloody tournament. Pride watches over the city and sees the future under his absolute rule.

In Citadel City, the entire city composed of nanomachines itself is moving. The versions of Washu are firing off Jurain style fireworks and the colonists are dancing in the streets. Any trash or broken alcohol bottles are broken down at the molecular level and reabsorbed to create more junk food packs and filled bottles.

At the Lagoon Company Base, Revy and her family are making the wildest parties of Roanapur, Thailand look tame and considering the place was run by various crime syndicates, that's saying something. There is heavy drinking and gun fights with live ammo and swords blades with soul-slicing steel. Jo and his Soul Reaper wife are celebrating in ways Revy doesn't want to think about when sober, but she and Rock are soon doing the same. There are bloody bar fights, but nanomedicine prevents anyone from dying from blood loss or the loss of a vital organ.

The Thousand Kingdoms is celebrating like it's Chinese New Year with paper dragons and fireworks. They also have real dragons dancing in the air and martial artists dancing on the roof tops. Earth Benders create statues while drunk, while Fire Benders create displays that even magic fireworks can't achieve. Water Benders makes the lakes and rivers dance, while Air Benders hop around like demented beach balls. The royalty walk with the peasants, enjoying the end to the oppressive darkness.

In Pisces Atlantis, the mermaids, nereids, and other singers of the ocean are combining their voices into one song. Even the various magical fish species around Atlantis are moving in complex and beautiful patterns. The royal family in their most expensive clothes are celebrating with the people above and below the water. There is also feasting with enough sushi to feed a large colony for a month.

Mega Tokyo in Nihon is having multi day festivals with games, drinking, and various characters showing off their cultures. The amount of property damage would cost a pre-Halloween company a billion yen, but the damage is repaired by magic and technology so it happens again. There are also dozen of marriages with reluctant grooms and brides, since they used the war as an excuse to delay their parents.

In the Soul Society, the Court of Pure Souls and the surrounding area is celebrating with food, drink, and games. The 12th division of Gotei 13 is celebrating by detonating some of their experiments, proving Mayuri isn't the only mad scientist in the grounds. The 11th division, being the most blood thirsty combat group, is partying like drunken frat boys. If it wasn't for the 4th division, they would have all died (again) from alcohol poisoning and blood loss. It's amazing how much damage can be done if you give a group of men with swords and rather questionable sanity enough alcohol to drown a whale.

In Hueco Mundo - the Hollow World- an Arrancar version of Naruto Uzumaki takes Aizen's place as the ruler of all Hollows and Arrancar. He sits on his throne surrounded by his own Espada, the former Tailed Beasts of his world. It's strange, but the Hollows are howling in victory like a war song.

In Makai - the Demon Word - the demonic and youkai rulers are celebrating in line with their natures. The playful kitsune are drinking, dancing, and playing the pipes in their forest cities. The Oni are fighting letting their demon blood sing and when they are not fighting, they are either eating, sleeping, or mating. Even the demonic angel Morningstar is singing, a song he hasn't sung since he fell from the heavens.

Classes have been cancelled at Shibusen, it's a school holiday.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

September 24, 2015 - Sunnydale

----------------------------------------------------------------------

It's been a week of non-stop drinking and gaming, so the hospital has been busy. There have been many morning after potion overdoses and many livers and kidneys regenerated by nanomedicine. Xander is leaving for another exhausting day at work, but he is still in a good mood from the celebration.

As Xander is leaving, he looks at a newspaper.

DATA Shinigami, Spark, or Machine Savior?

Writer: Mr. Black

A version of Data, a sentient android of the Star Trek universe, was destroyed during the last months of the Colony Wars. In his previous life, he sacrificed himself to destroy a Romulan weapon of mass destruction that threatened the USS Enterprise. In this life, he sacrificed himself to destroy the last of the Dark Council's machine forces in Albion. Those forces had constructed a weapon that would destroy all organic life in London despite the shielding, but Data caused a fatal overload.

This would be a simple obituary, if Data's soul didn't ascend like a human soul and become part of the Soul Society. He also possessed intense spiritual energy and was sent to the Shinigami (Soul Reaper) Academy, where he achieved high marks in kido and swordsmanship. He was finally sent to the 12th Division - Science Division under the guidance of Captain Kisuke Urahara.

Many people might wonder what kind of zanpakuto (soul cleaving sword) Data would possess and he has given authorization for us to tell. The answer is a sword named Binary. The zanpakuto in its sealed state resembles a tanto (dagger), but in its released form it becomes two swords that shatter into glowing red and blue particles. The red particles generate extreme heat, the blue particles generate extreme cold, and together they generate lightning. Data can manipulate those particles known as Zero and One Particles in a variety of configurations.

This would simply be a unique case of a machine with a soul ending up in human heaven, if not for a prophecy. Trinity Prime - Incarnation of the Matrix and co-ruler of Machina - received visions from the Matrix/AllSpark dimension - the source of all machine souls also known as Sparks. The visions indicted that Data's soul and shinigami essence needs to be absorbed into the Matrix/AllSpark to help it evolve and one-day spawn a new breed of mechanical life forms that'll protect Machina and the rest of the world.

Data says he is conflicted since the process would transform him into a new unique spirit form. The same way a Shinigami can become a Vizard and a high level Hollow can become an Arrancar, Data would become a fusion of Shinigami and Cybertronian, a machine reaper.

"It's an opportunity to grow and help many people, but it is also a sacrifice of myself. Everything changes in a dynamic world, but one's individuality is important."

There have been reports that millions of machines, mostly located in Megatokyo, Indianapolis, Machina, and Albion's capital London, have already begun to change. Machines not created with sophisticated artificial intelligence are now intelligent, sentient, and possess emotions. As they gain sparks of their own, the energies cause their simple forms to change and evolve into living machines.

There have also been reports of new shrines being built in various colonies to the machine divinity, include Skuld Norn of the Future, Primus God of the Cybertronians, the cybernetic god V'ger, and God from Machine Deus. These temples were constructed by robots and golems across the world that spontaneously "grew" souls.

This has created problems in the debate over where the souls of 'evolved' robots should go after death. Some want to serve as the caretakers of the Yggdrasil world-computer alongside Skuld, others want to become one with the Matrix like Transformers, and a few want to go to Soul Society and train as Shinigami like Data. As a result, the rulers of Reikai - Spirit World -are creating a new dimension of the afterlife. While humans have Soul Society and Gods have the Pantheon, the machine souls would have the Spark Collective. A place where the sparks would gather before either becoming reapers, passing into the Matrix, or uploading themselves to Yggdrasil.

There also a negative aspect of this event. If Sparks are souls and the Matrix is the afterlife, are there spark-versions of Hollows? There are reports that a version of Predacon leader Megatron once attempted to absorb all the sparks of Cybertron. The new Fox King of Hueco Mundo has stated that if dark sparks do appear they will be treated as another version of Hollows and will be dealt with.

Xander pauses in his reading. He remembers a case a of couple weeks ago involving ridiculously human robots. The couple possessed sentience, emotions, and even the ability to reproduce using nanomachine technology, but the husband was badly damaged in an attack by a lightning using monster. Xander watched the mourning gynoid's memory file of her husband smoking and falling to the ground, before exploding into a million pieces. He had died a heroic death stopping the monster from destroying a chemical supply shipment, which would have spread poison gas across a nearby colony.

Now with the proof of a machine afterlife, maybe the gynoid will begin to see the light.

Xander looks down at the newspaper and sees a smaller article.

Washu Wireless Web

Writer: Mrs. April Jones

Washu Hakubi, greatest scientific genius in the universe, and a team of her fellow scientists have made progress in recreating Earth's telecommunications network. Since the death of Griffith, the last member of the Dark Council, the Red Sky phenomenon has weakened allowing limited air travel and a return of many resources. Since people have become impatient about Magia's Project Exodus, the science team managed to create a 10.8 meter radius hole in the Red Sky phenomenon for 1.8 seconds, which allowed them to launch a small unmanned spacecraft.

The spacecraft called Tenchi-1, released dozens of small satellites into orbit around Earth. Each satellite was designed with a combination of Clark Technology and Nivan Magic to operate despite the Red Sky and pierce the communication barrier with a new subspace/hyperspace communication system. Further linking the new system with the Digital World and Matrix/Allspark Dimension has increased the world's communications and computer capacities.

The spacecraft has landed on the largest portion of the moon and has used a combination of insect-like robots and nanotechnology to build a communications beacon and long-range sensor array. The lunar station and its automaton workers will study the Red Sky phenomenon outside Earth's sphere of influence as well as trying to facilitate telecommunications between itself and the various colonies. Once a reliable means of communications is established, the lunar base would serve as a base of operations for future terraforming of planets like Mars.

There are many colonies hoping to gain access to the Red Sky piercing process. Their hope is to create large enough holes in the Red Sky that the star ships created on Earth can escape and once more live in space.

Xander walks down the street and looks at the various characters in Sunnydale, who no longer look as tense or tired as they did during the War.

The members of the Naruto Militia are eating in the VIP section of a ramen restaurant. That section of the building is filled with golden blonds and the occasional redhead or white blond. They'reare not all versions of Naruto, but they all know each other. Hanyou and half demons easily become addicted to ramen, but thankfully their healing factors remove the salt and other health problems.

At a local bar, Xander can see soul reaper versions of Heero Yuy and Duo Maxwell. The two former Gundam pilots both died fighting the Dark Council in heroic sacrifices, but became Shinigami in the Soul Society. They returned to continue their fight, but since the war has ended they've spent their time in bars. General Yamamoto is going to be angry with his drunken reapers. He also notices a couple of fan girls looking ready to take advantage of them and wonders if the girls got lucky and found straight analogues.

Luffy D. Monkey, Captain of the Straw hat Pirates and rubber-man is in a craft store talking to the hanyou girl behind the counter. He can't hear what they are saying due to charms, but Luffy is covered in rainbow colored graffiti. Xander can guess that someone decided to play a prank on the pirate while he was passed out drunk and covered him in magic marker. When they say magic marker, they literally mean magic, which is why the patterns and colors change every time Luffy stretches his rubbery body.

Xander sees Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist, through the window of a book store. The young blonde is currently reading from an old leather bound book and with the help of the evolved Maginese spell it could be any of a hundred languages. There is a flash of light and Ed is left holding a pile of charred paper with burnt clothing and hair. Apparently, one of the workers mixed up the alchemy and magic books.

At a local tea shop, Light Yagami and his wife Misa are sitting together. Light, despite his past, has become a detective and often works with his friend/rival L on various cases. Light still believes in justice, but lacks most of his previous megalomania, which is why he only does bounty hunting and executions to satisfy his and Misa hunger for life. It's also interesting to note that they are eating apple pie and according to the plates, they're both on their sixth slice.

He hears a slight booming sound and notices a couple of children flying in the air. With the weakening of the Red Sky phenomenon, the martial artists can truly enjoy the art of flying. The flying tag games of Saiyan children are becoming common, but they have to be careful. Four times they've punched holes in the walls of buildings, when one child tagged the other too hard. It didn't hurt the kids, but the damage was extensive.

Xander watches as people in the uniforms of the Black Order walk by. They are Exorcists, special people chosen by god to wield his crystal Innocence and cleanse the world of the machine monsters known as Akuma. Since the death of the Millennium Earl, they have acted like Earth based soul reapers cleansing Hollows and evil spirits. The clans of Noah haven't died out completely with Road Camelot being the most active, but they have settled down since humanity as they knew it has been destroyed. They mostly enjoy themselves in Sin City and other darker places in the worlds.

An adult pregnant version of Maka and her husband Soul Eater Evans walk by as well. Soul looks very tired, while Maka looks angry and hungry. After the births of his many children, Xander can sympathize with Soul.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Our Monsters are Different 1

----------------------------------------------------------------------

The moment Xander enters the hospital, he bombarded by nurses with medical cases.

The first patient is a thirty foot green-skinned giant covered in minor burns. Xander recognizes him as one of the rare gentle giants and wonders what happened to him and the people he came in with. Thirty people with broken bones, bruises, and covered in burns.

"Gentle Green, Gentle Giant of Sunnyhill, drank too much during the celebrations and decided to use the side of a building as a urinal. The urine of this species of giant is highly corrosive and damaged the building. The owner, who was both drunk and a mage, tried to scare Green away with a fireball. Instead, the alcohol soaked clothing ignited and Green did stop, drop, and roll, rolling over thirty people in the process."

The next case involves Orcs - ugly, bellicose humanoids common in fantasy fiction. In this case, the eight have green skin, tusks, and are physically similar to trolls from European folklore. They look more simian then porcine which indicates what type of Orc they are.

"A group of drunken Blizzard Orcs went to a religious supply store. An out of town hunter thought they were Tolkien orcs and opened fire with curses. The hunter is currently having his arms reattached and the owner of the store is planning legal action, wanting the injuries documented."

The third case involves a pair of hunters. One is a young man standing six feet tall with white-blond hair, while the athletic woman stands five foot nine with long red hair. They are both dressed in black shirts, black pants, and green flak jackets similar to the clothing of the Konoha ninja, but their removed weapons are modern. They are also inebriated and have glowing green eyes.

"Hunters Gabriel Kobayashi and his girlfriend Elisabeth O'Connell, currently possessed by Adam Li and his wife Amanda. During Halloween the Lis were dressed as spirits and were transformed into supernatural hybrids. They are semi-mortal humanoids with the abilities of ghosts; intangibility, invisibility, telekinesis, elasticity, flight, and possession. At full power, they can materialize solid objects, enter the dreams of sleepers, and have the ability to control the weather. The problem is that they are numb and have trouble interacting with the physical world. During the celebration, Kobayashi and O'Connell allowed the Li couple to possess them so they could experience the physical sensations."

"Problem?"

"The blood alcohol level has gone down and they should be sober, but they have remained in an inebriated state. The pseudo ghosts are unable to leave their bodies, because they are affected by their hosts."

"Maybe, maybe not."

"What do you mean?"

"There is no physical alcohol in their systems. What if the ghosts are drunk and their possession is affecting the hosts?"

The fourth case is a sick sea monster. The creature is a massive humanoid standing over three meters tall with an extremely muscular build with red eyes, dark green-grey skin with dark markings, and long tentacles instead of hair. The creature also has four long arms with claw-tipped fingers, a head resembling a Humboldt squid, two massive veiny wings, and seven long barbed tails. The menacing Cthulhu-lookalike image is ruined by him being curled in the fetal position and wearing a large headband and a giant tattered alcohol soaked t-shirt.

"R'Lothar'Reen. Species: R'lyehan. Severe stomach ache. His species can eat six hundred pounds of mortal human flesh in a day, but he gets ill after eating three extra large double cheese burger pizzas and two liters of beer. It's embarrassing when a comic book super hero frat boy calls something from Lovecraft a wuss."

"Doctor!" yells Nurse Jungle, running in. "Twenty four injured kitsune and eighteen injured Oni!"

"What happened?"

"The Obake were getting drunk, when the two groups decided to have fire-breathing contest."

Xander winces at those words. The more evolved species of Oni, far different from the barbarian ogres, have the ability to manipulate fire and/or lightning. With their greater intelligence they can even manipulate the power for special techniques, including flight. The extraterrestrial Uru Oni found in the Tomobiki area of Nihon possess similar abilities. Kistune are natural fire users, able to create illusion flames known as Fox Fire and demonic youki flames, both which increases with the number of tails the fox youkai possesses.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Horses and Unicorns

----------------------------------------------------------------------

A unicorn (from Latin unus 'one' and cornu 'horn') is a mythological creature. Though the modern popular image of the unicorn is sometimes that of a horse differing only in the horn on its forehead, the traditional unicorn also has a billy-goat's beard, a lion's tail, and cloven hooves.

"The unicorn is the only fabulous beast that does not seem to have been conceived out of human fears. In even the earliest references he is fierce yet good, selfless yet solitary, but always mysteriously beautiful. He could be captured only by unfair means, and his single horn was said to neutralize poison."

Alexander "Alex" Power, known as the gravity manipulating hero of the Power Pack super hero team stops reading his book as Dr. Xander Harris walks in with the test results. His wife is a beautiful woman with crystal blue eyes and long silver blonde hair reaching her waist. He's dressed in a black and white body suit with metal armbands, shoulder armor, and lower leg protectors. She's dressed in a sleek white dress that could belong on a princess of the Midlands or a royal of Albion. She's also very pregnant with either a large child or multiple births.

"The baby appears to part equine, a Kymellian," says Xander, which upsets the parents.

A Kymellian named Aelfyre Whitemane and his "smartship" - a sentient star ship, one of many used by Kymellians, which he called Friday were studying Earth when they found out that a human scientist named Dr. Power was about to commit the same mistake that led to the destruction of Kymellia. He tried to ask his people for permission to interfere and save the Earth, but his message was intercepted by the Kymellians' old enemies, the Zn'rx, whom Whitey called "Snarks", and they kidnapped Dr. Power and his wife in an attempt to gain the anti-matter formula. Whitey was mortally wounded in the process.

Whitey managed to rescue Power's four children, and granted them the powers he had mastered as a Kymellian Sorcerer: control over gravity, the ability to fly, to change his molecular density, and to convert matter into energy. This is how the Power Pack was born and now it's causing problems.

"Our son is going to be part horse?" says Alex. "That could kill her! Why is this happening??"

"I think it has to do with Athena's parents, Prince Lir and Lady Amelthea. Amalthea was a unicorn turned into a human by the magic of bumbling magician Schmendrick."

"What!? I never knew that!!" says Lady Athena, looking very shocked.

"It's in the Files under The Last Unicorn, a fantasy novel written by Peter S. Beagle," explains Xander. "The fact that you and your child possess the blood of a very magical creature is good news."

"How is it good?"

"Animagus. An Animagus is a witch or wizard who can turn into a particular animal at will. This ability is not innate: it must be acquired by magical means, but that only applies to pure human wizards. Iceron shape shifters, animals that have had their auras manipulated so they can assume human, animal, and hybrid forms," says Xander like a talking dictionary. "A modified potion and a spell can force your child into human form and as he grows older he can learn to shift between human, animal-unicorn, and hybrid-Kymellian."

Alex and Athena are shocked at Xander's solution. They heard Xander was a fast thinker and Sunnydale Hospital's Second Greatest Doctor, but the speed in which Xander's mind moved was stunning.

"I'll need a blood sample from your mother for the best result and I may have to call in Doctor Diggers, since he's an aura mage and an expert in Archmage Iceron's creations. That's mainly due to his adopted daughter Brittany Diggers being a were-cheetah and having a lot of adventures and experience."

Experience is an understatement; the Gold Diggers as they are called did everything in their own universe and coming to the world of Halloween just made their family larger and more chaotic.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Our Monsters are Different 1

----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Doctor Harris!" yells Nurse Jungle, holding four more folders. She nearly tumbles to the ground, which does interesting things to her extremely large bust.

Xander picks up the Files and scans over the attached photos.

The first is a dark-skinned man with gold eyes and spiky red and gold hair. The second picture attached to the first is of a similar man covered in red and gold armor resembling a tiger.

The second is a type of zombie resembling a man with blue-white skin, black eyes, and limp white hair. He's dressed in a tuxedo with a top hat and cane. He also wears a necklace made of crystal eyeballs.

The third is an athletic humanoid with black fur covering his body, claws, and a wolf's head with blue eyes and sharp white teeth. There is also a second picture a feral looking man with black hair and the same blue eyes.

The fourth file has the photo of a large primate resembling a giant gorilla with very long dark brown fur with a white stripe going down its back. It also has long head hair, tusks, and large shining gold eyes. It would be a complete animal if it wasn't wearing an animal skin loincloth and had Native American beads in its hair.

"The first is Tenma the Demon Shell, an OC from the world of Alters. Set several years after 'The Great Uprising', a future geological phenomenon near Tokyo, people developed a power granting them the ability to deconstruct, reshape, and crystallize matter at a molecular level using only thought and willpower. These people have come to be known as Alter users. Tenma Shell, son of Kazuma the Shell Bullet, got hit by several random spells during a drunken bar fight. That armor was created from matter from several magic items and combined with those random spells have locked Tenma in his armor."

"Locate a few users of anti-magic or who have energy absorption powers. If they can drain the armor, it should break down. Without magic elements in the armor, he should be able to regain control."

"The second is gothic zombie Pierre Blanc. According to his File, he was a French explorer on an expedition to Aztec ruins. While there he found a cursed crystal necklace, which killed everyone but raised him as an undead magician. Now that the War is over, he's hoping to either become human to enjoy living pleasures or become a spirit form like a shinigami."

"This sounds like Mictlantecuhtli."

"Who?"

"In Aztec mythology, a god of the dead and the king of Mictlan (Chicunauhmictlan), the lowest and northernmost section of the underworld. We don't want to offend him so send a messenger to the Reikai offices. Have them contact the Aztec Pantheon and begin contract negotiation. Those guys can be nasty."

"How nasty?" says Nurse Jungle, then immediately regrets it.

"Xipe Totec was a life-death-rebirth deity, god of agriculture, vegetation, the east, disease, spring, goldsmiths, silversmiths and the seasons. There was a lot of human sacrifice associated with him," says Xander. "His demonic counterpart is Cenobite spirit Xipe Totec, Pinhead is the current incarnation."

Cenobite is a name that causes many people to flinch, like wizards reacting to the name Voldemort in Harry Potter's world. The Cenobites are extra-dimensional beings who appear in the works of Clive Barker. They are sadomasochistic demons known for insanity and mutilation.

"Next," says Nurse Jungle changing the topic in a hurry. "A Canadian Lycanthrope named Nicholas Darkmoon. The recent change in the Red Sky phenomenon is letting larger amounts of moon light pass through the atmosphere. That combined with his enhanced lycanthropy means he's trapped in his hybrid form. He didn't find out until he stopped drinking a few hours ago and realized that it wasn't because he was drunk that he couldn't change."

All those creatures connected to the sun and moon have become stronger since the end of the war. Fire and Water Benders are more powerful than ever. Kryptonians no longer need extensive shielding and shape shifters are more powerful than ever. The city of magic Magia which was constructed from moon stone has grown even more powerful and the Desert Kingdoms which worship the sun are stronger than ever.

"Have him scanned and fitted for a Power Limiter. He should be able to change at a lower level and with enough training he'll be able to change at higher levels."

"The last one is Jack, who became an Unidentifiable Furry Organism during Halloween. He's a type of a Sasquatch possessing superhuman strength, durability, and regenerative abilities. He was even fitted with a special collar that allowed him to talk a few years ago, but despite his power he can't hold his liqueur.'

'During a wild party, he accidently sat on Homunculi and now said Homunculi need to be removed."

"Ouch. What type of Homunculi?"

"Classic tiny person grown in a jar. In this case a drunken wizard named Mephisto Lee resurrected the employees of the FCC Building as a six inch brown-skinned humanoid made of mud and crap. The annoying little thing did nothing but make comments about the evil of sex, violence, music, and magic, until the Wizard tossed him to celebrate the end of the war. He just happened to be standing on the reinforced bar stool when Jack sat down."

"FCC. The famed censor cesspool? Call in a proctologist. I want the Homunculi destroyed after its removal."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Big Mouths

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Xander looks at the huge mass of knotted rubbery material.

"Adam Evans. Also known as the meta-human known as Rubber-band Man. According to the Files, you were another street punk until an event known as the Big Bang in Dakota, South Dakota. In that event, during a major gang war there was a violent release of a mutagenic substance. You gained the ability to stretch your body while retaining human shape, which was enhanced by the Halloween Event. In your world you were defeated by Virgil Ovid Hawkins, the electricity manipulating hero known as Static, which lead to you reforming," says Xander, looking at knot number thirty six on his list. "How did you get so tied up?"

Adam mumbles something, but it's hard to understand due to the knots made in the man's neck. Nurse Jungle is the one to answer Dr. Harris' question.

"During the celebration, he got into an argument with Robert Bruce Banner, not realizing who he was in his inebriated state. Banner transformed into the Hulk, which thankfully wasn't a savage rampaging version. As a result, Adam has been tied in a hundred knots and the Hulk was given his knot tying badge by a bunch of bad-ass Lolita Girl Scouts."

"You don't need a doctor," says Dr. Harris. "You're not actually injured, just strained. What you need a knot expert and some lubricant. I'll write a prescription for the lubricant. It's the same one Mr. Fantastic got after he missed his ex-wife's birthday."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Our Monsters are Different 2

----------------------------------------------------------------------

As Xander leaves his last patient's room, he's given a bunch of files.

The first picture is of a stone giant standing three meters tall with long limbs and a mostly featureless head with a symbol edged into the forehead.

"Room 31 - Elijah Adam Coven, also known as Adam Golem. A man made of stone, suffering from extreme depression. He has already attempted suicide with mining explosives, but they failed to shatter his body. The cause of the recent depression is his inability to enjoy the celebration because he lacked a stomach, so no getting drunk or eating junk. He also lacks the male equipment, so he can't enjoy the wild passions either."

"He needs a new body."

The second picture is a black-boned skeleton with fiery red glowing eyes and a cigarette in its teeth, despite the lack of lips or lungs.

"Room 32 - Robert Bones. Actual Pre-Halloween name and a man of bones. He was dressed in one of those cheap skeleton costumes, the one piece black costume with white skeleton on the front and back. He also wore a rubber skull mask and had a fake cigar. It turns out that the cigar saved him from becoming a generic undead and allowed him to keep his sarcasm and negative attitude. He's hoping to get a new gigai."

The third is a disgusting creature. It looks like a corpse that has been rotting in a swamp for a month with slimy blue-grey skin, a few strands of limp black hair, and one yellow-white eye. He also has no ears, no nose, a rotten mouth exposing his yellowing teeth, and bloody tears.

"Room 33 - Zed the Ghoul. He won't reveal his real name, but he's basically a sentient zombie. We've run tests and found he's a typical magic zombie that was raised during the colony wars from the corpse of a colonist, but when the Dark Council necromancer was killed, he didn't return to death. He's been fighting the hunger for human flesh for the past couple of years, eating the flesh of the dead and only eating members of the Dark Council when he nearly lost total control. Now that the war is over, he wants to die and move onto the soul society, but we are having problems removing the soul from the animated flesh."

"Call one of the Soul Reapers and tell them to bring a Level 4 soul extractor. If the soul still won't be removed from the flesh, then we'll have to have the body reduced to ash. As long as the flame contains no spiritual energy, the soul should be unharmed, but it wouldn't be pleasant for anyone," says Xander. "Do any of these cases deal with living patients?"

The picture in the next file is of a tall, voluptuous and beautiful woman with dark skin, purple eyes, and long dark purple hair. She's also dressed in simple purple ribbons that make her look like a teenage sex dream.

"Room 37 - Diana, the Djinn. She's a member of one of the most ancient races in the GD universe. The Djinn are possessed of nearly limitless power, but cannot use it for their own benefit. The Djinn seem to have evolved from the Pau, strange but cute little monsters that may have been kept as pets by the Nomad Artificiers. In reality, they evolved from AI toys created by adventurer/archeologist/inventor Dr. Gina Babette Diggers during a time travel adventure. "

"Problem?"

"She's pregnant with quadruplets and doesn't know who the father is."

"How many men was she with?"

"Eight men and two women that possess diploid parthenogenesis."

"Love spell?"

"No. She's a 'sexually liberated' woman. She spends most of her time seducing and conning people out of their money. With the fertility spells you think she would know better."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Fusion Failure

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Xander runs into the surgery bay and stares at the mass before him. The patient is a mass of cancerous flesh, pulsating and growing, while covered in purplish organic armor plates and reddish fibrous tissue. In the center of the mass is a silver half-orb shining with an inner light. The medal glows brighter for a second and then its entire body discharges blue-white energy that is stopped by a barrier. Inside the barrier, tiny black and clear bubbles appear as space time is warped, then the bubbles collapse as the space time restores itself.

"The subject or I should say subjects are Agito Makishima, also known as Guyver III, and a Dragon Hybrid known as Bain Shadowfire," says Nurse Jungle. "This is the result of an incomplete Potara earring fusion, their partially merged body is suffering from semi-sentient cancerous growths, psychosis, and destructive energy discharges that distort space/time."

"Why would a Guyver need a fusion?" asks another Nurse. "They have the strength of a hundred men, three hundred and sixty sensors with a range of one hundred meters, insane regenerative abilities, five to forty times the reflexes, and a ground speed of two hundred fifty miles per hour. It also comes with a vast array of weapons including a double particle beam powerful enough to level a skyscraper."

"It wasn't their choice. The dragon Bain was amassing treasure and using it to attract humanoid victims. The damaged Potaru earrings were amongst the treasure and were activated by an energy discharge," says Nurse Jungle.

"What type of dragon was Bain?" asks Xander, looking at the energy readings.

"He was one of the special living magic experiments created during the war. A Dark Council wizard combined an Ancient Chromatic Blue Dragon, the most honorable of chromatic dragons, with a Faerûnian Shadow Dragon, the second most intelligent of evil dragons. Shortly after the wizard's death, his project hatched and went into the coastal caves. It grew at a magically accelerated rate to adulthood and had become a problem for colonies and hunters."

"Chromatic Blue Dragons have a line of lightning as their breath weapon, but Faerûnian shadow dragons have energy-draining shadows. The Guyver is bio-booster armor which enhances the bio-energy of the human to the point he becomes a living weapon," states Xander. "According to the readings, he's absorbing ambient energy, boosting it inside his body, then discharging it as electromagnetic energy through the armor's gravity orbs.

"Solution?"

"Reprogram the control medal. The control medal is the core of the Guyver and contains all the genetic data and memories. We need to reprogram it so it will accept the dragon's DNA as the host. Second, have a Soul Mage come in and perform a soul-merging ritual, which should complete the fusion on the spiritual level. Third, destroy its current cancerous body and have it regenerate a new body from the control medal based on the new genetic pattern."

"Who will do the programming, Doctor?"

"It's best if you find a specialist in advanced biotechnology with organic and inorganic properties, someone who has dealt with cybernetic symbiotic systems. The best specialists would be either here in Sunnydale, in Machina, or those Roswell Grays called the Asgard."

"After the fusion, Doctor?"

"Afterwards, power suppressants, placement in an anti-magic recovery ward, and psychological therapy for any identity crisis and post-traumatic stress. A guyver-enhanced dragon would be a very valuable ally to have, but we need to be careful since Agito is an honorable, but ambitious person and the dragon hybrid was a mix of honorable and intelligent breeds of evil-aligned dragons, one lawful and one chaotic.

Xander walks down the corridor as he leaves the room and uses a hidden door to enter a special elevator. The massive Sunnydale Hospital complex, the largest hospital in the world, has many levels includes high security lower levels. As he exits the elevator into a blue room, a wave of magic washes over him causing his clothing to vanish along with all traces of dirt and microbes. As he continues to walk, a second wave covers his entire body with a form-fitting white body suit that covers everything except his face. This outfit is then covered by a second sealed suit resembling a space suit. Only the doctors and hypochondriacs would recognize the biosafety level 4 protective suit.

Xander walks into a lab with many digital monitors and massive computers.

He looks at one of the monitors, which displays six patients with red eyes, white skin, and white hair. They all have different features, but they all have the same coloring. The small fangs, claws, and elaborate birth marks resembling tattoos indicates the youkai heritage of some of them. They are all talking and saying the same words, according to the caption beneath their images from the sound recorders.

"This is the result of Jonathan Agrippa, son of Heather Agrippa an alchemist, descendent of the German magician, occult writer, theologian, astrologer, and alchemist Heinrich Cornelius Agrippa. In Heather's world, Agrippa also fought demonic forces in the 16th century with a group known as the Illuminated. Jonathan was born when Heather was captured and raped by a youkai working for the Dark Council. Jonathan grew up hated in his small colony, which contained many survivors of his father's attacks, so he spent his time studying alchemy. He was also hated by his father's youkai for possessing weak human blood.'

'He took blood from different versions of Rei Ayanami and Kaworu Nagisa, the human forms of the Angels known as the mother Lilith and Tabris, Angel of Free Will and Alternatives to create an infectious disease that causes human youkai hybrids to grow S2 organs like Angels. He hoped the resulting creation would possess greater power than the pureblood youkai and would rise against their oppression. Instead, it conflicts with their youkai heritage and causes an eighty percent fatality rate. Furthermore, Jonathan Agrippa designed it so that the surviving twenty percent of hanyou with S2 organs are telepathically linked in a hive mind, can't become Hollows or Shinigami after death, and can't be reincarnated, instead fusing their spiritual essences together to create a new being that would repopulate the Earth with her progeny and destroy mankind.'

'Agrippa's instrumentality plan was discovered in time, so only three colonies were infected and thankfully it only affects lower breeds of hanyou. The versions of Inuyasha, Dante, and the other demonic heroes are too powerful to be effected by an alchemic disease, but there are a hundred and eight cases of Agrippa Impact Disease."

Xander looks over the Files, studying the white organic material flowing from cell to cell causing them to change color. He looks at the brain wave patterns, which are near perfect matches to each other.

"Despite the protests of the original colony's leader, the infected weren't killed. It's been revealed that Agrippa also planned for that as well. Killing any of the infected hanyou will only make the resulting fusion stronger and allow her to spawn more powerful offspring. It appears that this is due to the higher amount of energy released by a violent death, instead of slow sickness. Agrippa committed suicide after becoming fully infected, which more likely means he will be slightly more dominant in the fusion."

Xander begins to type on the computer and begins to pull up various files and unique names.

Invid - Robotech

Vajra - Macross Frontier

Instrumentality - NGE

Chitauri - Marvel

The Borg - ST: TNG

Sliver - M G

Tyranids - W40K

The Zerg - Star Craft

"There are many cases of shared consciousness hive minds. I believe the cure for AID may be separating the minds of the victims. In the world of Evangelion, it was humanity's desire for individuality that allowed them to stop Instrumentality and stop the Third Impact.'

'Without the link, the fusion will fail and Agrippa will lose its power in the impact. I also hope that with separate minds they will realize Agrippa's insanity."

The screen changes to show two screens. One is a 3D model of a complex DNA strain, showing the complete molecular structure. On the other side are blue lights connected by white lines to each other and to one large point. A red pattern spreads across the screen and as it comes in contact with the points, the lines turn red. After a couple of seconds, the infected lines vanish and the points turn black. This continues until the largest point is darkened and the screen shows skull and crossbones.

"There are many methods of breaking hive minds. One of the most famous cases is the Kun-Rung, a hive of giant insect-like creatures in China. They were defeated when a scientist released a bio-weapon that destroyed their telepathic abilities and created enough chaos for a stealth team to assassinate the Queen and royal eggs."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Power Failure

----------------------------------------------------------------------

"I need a vacation. Albion. Australia. Maybe one of those resort islands."

Xander walks towards his next appointment. He holds a cup of "special" coffee formulated to help him get through his heavy loaded days. With the end of the War, there are many people flying to vacation spots and he has earned many favors from various people.

He recently ran into Haruka, who came back after the appointment with the time mirror in Magia. According to what he saw, his friend is traveling with Dead-boy Angel in another dimension. At least Buffy knows what happened to him, but the vampire with a soul won't be returning for a long time. Haruka also came with a couple of new Pokémon. He re-registered Kate to his cousin and caught her a rock-eating dark ghost Pokémon known as a Sableye and a female flying dinosaur known as an Aerodactyl with odd pink-purple patterns. He named Kate's Sableye, Koryu, Japanese for garnet which is Kairi's favorite gem stone and he named Kate's Aerodactyl Kohaku, which is Japanese for amber. The one foot eight inch male Pokémon was no problem, but the five foot eleven female was rather destructive.

Xander's new patient looks like many of his other patients standing five foot five with spiky blond hair and blue eyes. He's dressed in a white shirt with spiral on front, slate grey pants, and reinforced white sneakers. He also wears an orange jacket with a red spiral on the back and a white head band. This man is yet another analogue of Naruto Uzumaki and most likely a recent member of the Naruto Militia.

"Naruto Hart-Oliver. Jinchuriki of the Kyubi no Kistune and human mixed martial artist with some ninja training."

A Naruto raised like the standard for the first six years of his life, he was rescued from Konohagakure no Sato (Village hidden in the leaves) by a powerful being known as Ninjor. An evil force realized Naruto could become a threat to his power and manipulated Danzo into attacking Naruto with his ROOT ANBU, making the elderly veteran think it would help his quest to become Hokage.

Naruto was raised at the temple of power and Ninjor helped Naruto by unlocking his White Tiger Spirit Byakko (whose name also means white fox). This allowed him to become the white shinobi ranger. He was also raised by Power Ranger veteran Tommy Oliver and Pink Ranger Kimberly Hart, which changed his dream to becoming the greatest ranger in history, defending his precious people and the worlds they live on.

As for the Kyubi no Kitsune, a user of the feared Genjuken (Mythical Beast-Fist) and former ally of the Infernal Dragon Long used an ancient mystic spell to extract him from Naruto. Kyubi was transformed into Naruto's greatest enemy, the Demon Fox warrior. It was Naruto's greatest battle when he finally defeated Kyubi outside Konoha.

"Multiple sword wounds and a disconnection from Tiger Animal spirit," says Xander looking at the File. "It looks like the wounds were done by an Arrancar Zanpakuto, which means spiritual wounds and would explain the damaged connection. I'll send in a couple of Soul Society healers and a little nanomedicine, they should repair the damage. As for the animal spirit connection, it's one of things you'll have to do on your own."

The Morphing Grid is an energy field which gives the Power to any Ranger. It was based on flows of energy on the planet known as ley lines, which in large numbers can create places like heaven's gates and hell mouths. Many of the Power ranger and super sentai groups that appeared on October 31, 1997 died within hours without their connection to the Grid. Over time a new power was discovered, the flows of spiritual, magical, and psychic energy that exist in the world of Halloween and it's connected dimensions. Those that adapted and evolved survived, those that failed to adapt were destroyed.

Xander looks at his Files and winces at the next few patients.

The first is a young boy with tired thin face, pale blue skin covered in thin cracks, and a near bald head with a few snow white locks. He also wears ear cuffs, which Xander recognizes as power suppressers.

"A superhuman mutant named Roberts is dying from power degeneration. Roberts has the ability to channel massive amounts of electrical energy through his body to increase his physical abilities and produce lightning attacks, but prolonged use of his power is causing his body to break down. It's finally reached the point where his body's mutant energy field is breaking down the electromagnetic bonds that hold his molecular structure together. The problem is that shutting off his powers altogether would shut down the boy's nervous system."

The second is a young woman with dark skin and long silver white hair. She also has small fangs, pointed ears, and elaborate markings on the sides of her face resembling claw marks, which means she's either youkai or hanyou.

"A half demon named Angelique is dying from superpower meltdown. She has the ability to increase physical abilities, such as superhuman strength and speed, by generating larger amounts of youki and channeling it into her body. She can also increase a melee weapon's power by channeling her youki into it. The problem is she went past her limits and she can't control the energy. She'll either mutate into a mindless animal that will attack everyone until its life energy is consumed or explode as the compressed energy detonates. The trick is to lower the levels without disrupting the flow, as a sudden drain would cause necrosis and a sudden surge would cause combustion."

Xander remembers a Magitech cyborg who died from implant failure. The man's implants continued to accumulate vast amounts of magical energy in their network, until it all discharged in one fiery blast. The man was vaporized along with his wife, who refused to leave his side despite the danger, including painful radiation burns from high level magic fields.

The last picture is extremely weird even by Xander's standards. It looks like a humanoid mutant with an out of control Lovecraftian superpower. The "man" in the picture is two-and-half to three meters tall with inflamed red-purple skin covered in thick veins and fibrous purple tissue around the limbs and waist. Its right arm is grotesquely muscular and reaches his ankles with large yellow claws, and thick bone-like protrusions coming out of the elbow and knuckles. The other arm is normal length, but extremely thin and covered in spine-covered bone-like armor plates over dark organic fibers. The long thick legs are covered in rough black skin and the feet have thick black claws. Barbed tentacles and rigged tubes extend from his back and there are extra eyes located in the shoulders and chest. Where the stomach should be is a wide mouth filled with three rows of teeth and a barbed serpentine tongue. Its head is skull-like with no nose, no ears, and a wide toothy mouth. It also has a normal sized right eye with a shining gold iris on black instead of white sclera and a large bulbous left eye with gold iris and red sclera. There are also dark purple-grey tentacles instead of hair, gills on the left cheek and a mass of curved horns extending from the forehead and temples.

"William Walter Ward-Wolf. His mother was a sacrifice to an Elder God who was rescued by a werewolf shaman who later became her husband. The boy was born with the ability to alter his body in increasingly more dangerous biological forms including poisonous barbed tentacles, corrosive venom sprays, and serrated hardened bone weaponry. The problem is he can't revert into a less dangerous form. First he needs to be checked for minor possessions or curses from the vengeful priests. Then some psychic surgery."

Xander flips a page.

"Also be sure to check for metastasis. One of his last weapons was poison-filled explosive tumors!?"

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Our Monster is Different 3

----------------------------------------------------------------------

"WTF!?"

Xander looks at the messy group in the Patient Room.

The first is a young woman standing five foot ten with an athletic body, a large bust, gold amber eyes, and long dark red hair. She also has small fangs, small cone-shaped horns, sharp dark red nails, and dark markings under her eyes. Xander recognizes the species of demon, since the solitary males have exceptionally long claws and horns. The ones of females are short to prevent them from accidentally hurting the children. She's dressed in a red top, black leather shirt, and black boots with a black leather jacket and fingerless black gloves. The outfit is ruined by a pink-purple arm band on her right arm.

The second is a young beast man. He stands about six feet tall with long spiky red hair, tan skin, and gold eyes. He also has pointed ears, sharp fangs, claw-like nails, and dark red fur on his forearms and lower legs. He's dressed in red, tan, and brown animal skins secured by belts and leather straps. He also wears a necklace of animal teeth and demon fangs and a belt with many pouches. His weapons of choice are a huge hunting knife, a compound crossbow, and a long whip with a poisonous barbed tip. He also wears a pink-purple arm band on his right arm.

"Beastman had a crush on Monster Girl," says Nurse Jungle. "The arm bands are designed so any pain one inflicts to the other is felt by the attacker. It was originally designed to prevent those in an arranged marriage from hurting each other. Lady Anastasia Dread-Wing wants the armband removed before she is forced to severe her arm. It wouldn't be such a major problem if Mr. Bone's rival hadn't tampered with the bands so they can't go more than five meters from each other."

The third is a large dragon with wings for arms like a bat. The lean muscular dragon is five meters long from the tip of its arrow-shaped reptilian head to the end of its whip-like tail, with three meters being tail. The wingspan from tip to tip is over seven meters. It has polished white scales with gold, silver, and blue markings. Its head has oval-pupilled blue eyes with ridged eye brows and a crown of ivory-white horns, and its four-clawed feet and wing spurs end in ivory white claws. It also has gold and white hair extending from the head like a mane.

"Mr. Daemon Wings drank too much during a party and vomited in the bar. Unfortunately he's a type of fire breathing dragon, which means his fluids are like napalm outside his body. The drunken dragon has been laughing in his inebriated state and occasionally releasing small fireballs. He's also suffering from a minor Egyptian curse."

The fourth is a five foot two man covered in white linen and cloth bandages covered by a huge black coat. He also wears sandals, fingerless gloves, a dark red scarf, and a black hat and would be menacing if he wasn't burnt and torn in several hundred places and stained with ashes and alcohol. His odd weapon of choice is a Khopesh, the Egyptian name of the Canaanite "sickle-sword", which is actually more like a type of axe. A typical khopesh is fifty to sixty centimeters in length and is composed of three main parts: the hilt, a straight and unsharpened section of blade finishing in a curved crescent shape with the sharpened edge The one in the mummy's hand is covered in magic electrum - a naturally occurring alloy of gold and silver, with trace amounts of copper and other metals.

"Mr. Amon is the source of the curse. Mr. Wings vomited on him and though he managed to put out the flames, his sandy body was contaminated as you can clearly smell."

The fifth is a beautiful young Japanese woman with gold eyes, pale skin, and long white hair ending in nine black tips. She also has cute fangs, sharp nails, and two black-tipped white fox ears on top of her head. She's dressed in the traditional uniform of a Miko consisting of hakama, a kimono shirt, and tabi. She also carries a long bow with a quiver of arrows, and a golden fox mask. It's a typical theme for a Japanese fox spirit known worldwide as a Kitsune, the most common type of sentient youkai in the known worlds.

The sixth is a tall beautiful woman with blue eyes, pale skin, and long white blonde hair. She also has the long pointed ears of a high elf, but is dressed in the clothing of biker. She's dressed in a blue shirt, tight leather pants, and metal-plated boots with a leather biker jacket and black gloves. He's also never seen an elf with so many piercings and a blue oriental dragon tattoo going from her cheek down her throat and under her shirt.

The seventh resembles a two-and-half meter tall bipedal lizard with long powerful legs, long arms with opposable thumbs, a long whip-like tail, and an enlarged head protected by a boney plate. Their species is actually from an alternate Earth, where warm-blooded dinosaurs evolved into smaller, smarter forms with the changing climate. The sauronoid has large gold eyes, multiple shades of green scales, and vestigial horns crowning its head. It also wears a simple black tunic and shorts. Xander knows this is a female, as the few males are keep in their colonies by the matriarchal females.

"Miss Akane Benimura, a Kyubi no Kitsune, and Inariin of the Forest Wind, a High Elf rebel, cast a privacy charm so they could enjoy some time alone in their part of the bar. The problem was that in their intoxicated state, they couldn't cast either Yujutsu (demon magic) or elven magic well. This allowed the Sauranin Ke'Shakira to find her friends after a couple of hours. When Ke'Shakira tried to break the privacy spell, all three became mute and partially deaf. As far as we can tell it's a weave of three badly cast spells."

The last is the strangest and is currently sealed inside a protective cell, which is inside a second protective and warded cell, which is sealed in a third container. One part appears to be an enormous mutant rat over three meters long, with a height of one and half meters and weighing over three hundred kilograms. It's a disgusting creature with watery red eyes, long yellow incisors, and greasy black fur. The other part is a big, horrific pile of pulsating black and red-purple filth. The formless blob has many tentacles that drip clear and black liquids, and in the center are glowing red eyeballs that float in red-purple ooze. If Xander has to guess, he would say some magic users have not been following guidelines and have been dumping potions down the sewers.

"There was a fight in the underground. The giant vermin and the living pile of crap were attracted by the wasted food and alcohol under the bar. They got into a vicious fight and were discovered after the fight broke out."

"Why haven't they been destroyed? As far as I can tell, neither are sentient intelligent creatures."

"The bar's cash box got absorbed and the owner doesn't want it destroyed in the process."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

As the plasma sword turns

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Dr. Xander Cho Hakkai Harris walks into the next examination room and finds a young woman dressed in a silver coat, overalls, and sandals. She's in her early twenties with purplish/bluish skin, shoulder length purplish/bluish hair cut shorter at the back, and blue symbols scrolling down her body. She's also pregnant which is why the overalls are designed for protection and weight control.

"Cortana. UNSC AI serial number CTN 0452-9, a "smart" AI construct, or "Intelligent Agent". Your physical body is a cybernetic fusion of Catherine Elizabeth Halsey, M.D., Ph.D and an organic computer-based biological nano-technology," says Xander for confirmation. "You recently became pregnant, but you don't know who the father is."

Xander looks over the files, which show two identical men with brown eyes and hair, and additional pictures of them in advanced armor with gold faceplates.

"Master Chief Petty Officer of the UNSC Navy, John-117 is a SPARTAN-II Commando of the UNSC Naval Special Warfare Command. He's a cybernetically enhanced super-soldier. Master Chief A, also known as John-117A is the proud father to be and your husband. According to the research you conducted on the pre-Halloween home computer, you and John were happily married before the Event. You ended up falling in love all over again and near the end of the war decided on having children.'

'Master Chief B, also known as John-117B was your husband's twin brother before Halloween. While you married the dedicated hard worker, your brother-in-law was an unemployed slacker. When your husband ordered costumes, your brother-in-law altered the form and ordered two suits of armor. Then the ass used permanent marker on the helmet, drawing an evil twin goatee like out of that original Star Trek episode. As the end result you have an insane clone of your husband determined to thwart his 'goody' brother."

"According to what I could download from his Neural Interface before he started using reactive barriers, in his world the government found Master Chief to be far too valuable to lose, so they attempted to create a complete clone but an attack by the Covenant messed up the programming," says Cortana. "The problem is that I contracted a W40K AI virus and wasn't able to connect to John during my time with that bastard."

"Any other possibilities?"

"343 Guilty Spark. An Artificial Intelligence construct of Forerunner origin. He was the AI, monitor, caretaker, and historian left to keep watch over Installation 04 and its contents when the Forerunners departed. Someone at the office wore a blue and silver jumpsuit and carried a cube. As the result the AI ended up a sentient organism similar to myself. I think I may have caught the virus from him while drunk and my memory is damaged."

The file appears in Xander's hand in a flash of light. It shows a young man with short bluish hair, slate gray skin, and glowing blue eyes. He's dressed in a skintight dark blue and silver uniform that covers everything except his face and hair. In his chest is an embedded round-edged cube with a blue glow.

"What a soap opera," says Xander as he places a pad on her abdomen, attaching it to her overalls. He activates a monitor with the thumbprint scanner, then taps in a few commands.

"Genetic Data is unmodified, meaning your baby contains the father's DNA and not something constructed on the molecular level. Genetic comparison. Your baby's father is a John-117. Guilty Spark may have infected you with the Warhammer virus and he may have helped B, but he wasn't involved in the act.'

'I'm pulling out Master Chief's enhancement records. During the Colony War, he had extensive upgrades, but B wouldn't have had the same upgrades at the same time by the same people. The answer is hidden in this record. ... Battle Record.... Fought against Naraku's poison troopers in the South. Record for MAHNano- Machina Anti-Hazmat Nanomachines."

Cortana remembers the Machina creation. Microscopic machines designed to remove hazardous material from a person's body while working in the most dangerous environments on the altered Earth, including destroyed nuclear plants, volcanic areas, and Naraku's corrosive miasma fields. Xander draws a blood sample and inserts it into a machine marked "Bio/Dry Nanomachine deconstruction analyzer."

"They are so small they exist as organelles inside the living cells. They also have individual signatures, which can't be copied even if transfused into a clone. The baby contains traces amounts of MAHNano with the signature and age matching the Machina Secure Core computer system record."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

FUBAR Anime

----------------------------------------------------------------------

In trying to describe this man, "scholar" is the best term you can think of. His build is very muscular compressed into a lean form. He has waist-length, milky white hair in a style that reminds you of a lionfish's spines and his deep-set eyes are smoke gray and sparkle hypnotically. He has a high forehead and prominent cheekbones, but he also has strange blue and green tattoos on his arms. He's dressed in a loose white sleeveless shirt and black pants, with polished black boots and a black jacket resembling a Gakuran – a military-style Japanese school uniform. He carries a katana with the same designs as the tattoos on the black saya.

Dave Davis snuck into his older sister's anime themed party and, thinking he would get caught and kicked out anyway, he decided not to spend a lot of money on a costume. Instead, he went as his white-haired punk self wearing his private school uniform. The only thing he wore out of the usual was a "Hello my Name is ..." name tag sticker and wrote "The One" on it.

When the Halloween Event occurred, he was transformed into Dave Ichiro Choujin, retaining his original memories and gaining the memories of being the world's most powerful psychic warrior created by accident by the Japanese military in an attempt to stop an alien invasion. Memories of fighting alien empires and crazed supernatural warriors for fifty years before being forced to marry thirteen magical girls. Dave possesses vast, mostly unspecified, powers including telekinesis, psychometry, precognition, memory manipulation, and teleportation. He also gained a psychic aura known as the Nexus that attracts women and trouble like iron filings to an industrial electromagnet.

Dave is now prophesied to do over hundred eight separate things ranging from saving one hundred stray cats and changing a lighthouse bulb to saving the world and being the father of a hundred psychics. He has thirty anime-style characters who claim to be his rival, ranging from arrogant rich princes to demon-blooded martial artists. He also has twelve major enemies including a complete monster in human form with similar powers, a bigoted psychic-hunting priest, and crazed cyborg commander with magic powers. He has harem of scantily clad anime girls who fall under the term ditz, fifty girls all of whose defining characteristic is profound stupidity. All sweet and naive, with more sex drive than Ataru Moroboshi and Ryo Saeba combined. He also ended up with two Tsundere wives, both with enough telekinesis to lift Mount Everest into orbit!

"Headache medicine?"

"Locke Seven isn't working anymore."

Maximilian Locke, also known Locke the Superman, is a green haired psychic with enough telekinesis to stop a crashing space shuttle and protect a space station as it fell through a red giant star. Seven is the seventh and final formula created for overworked psychics. It was invented after Locke was forced to raise a fully armed air craft carrier from the ocean floor and carry it to shore.

"You plan on getting the implant?"

The implant is a psychic stress compensator, a piece of organic nanotechnology designed to allow the brain to operate under high stress without damage or excess strain. It was originally designed to prevent G force damage to the brain, preventing black outs during flights or severe concussions. It allows a psychic to use their full potential, but if they go beyond their limits and the implant completely fails the brain could explode inside their skull. The latest version has a power inhibitor which will shut down the powers if the user goes beyond the limit.

"Big job?"

"Fatherhood times ten."

"Ouch. Ditzs?" says Xander, hopeful, since ditz's get weird food cravings, while Tsunderes get unstable.

"Eight and the Two Queens," replies Dave, holding up ten playing cards. Dave often fights uses card-steel material playing cards as weapons. The card-steel is as thin as cardboard but more durable than steel at twenty times it's thickness and can be weighted to increase its mass.

"Now that's a bad hand."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

FUBAR Cartoon

----------------------------------------------------------------------