As per usual, the characters within this story belong to Marvel but the written mistakes belong to me. Many, many, thanks for reading and reviewing. It's very much appreciated!
Fitz is sitting on his bed, digesting his pie, and watching as Skye paces in front of him, gesticulating wildly while she moves across the room. "So from what I could tell, Jemma was equal parts furious and heartbroken. As in one second she would be devastated and the next second she'd remember the shit you pulled with her and suddenly be seething."
Fitz nods at this, wincing slightly at the visual image that Skye's words have created. "Right. Yeah, no that sounds about right."
Skye barrels on without so much as glancing at him. "Like… it was actually a little unsettling to witness."
Fitz nods again and bites his lip, well aware of how unsettling the sight of an upset Jemma Simmons is. "Yeah, no, I get it Skye."
"Because she'd be pissed and yelling…"
"I got it…"
"…and then she'd basically be crying in my lap."
"Skye!" Fitz is kneeling on his bed now so that he's eye level with his roommate. He gives her a pleading look in the hopes that she'll quit making him listen to her detailed description of a crying Jemma.
Skye turns to him as though she's just now realizing that he's in the room and shoots him a moderately sympathetic look. She flops down on his bed and stares at the ceiling as she pats the space next to her. "Right… Sorry. My point was that nobody would get that upset if they didn't actually care. I guess it just ended up being a reminder of what an assho…"
He collapses on the bed next to her and groans, raising his voice in an attempt to cut her off. "Yup. Got it."
"…le you've been." Skye finishes with a smug grin and Fitz rolls his eyes at her need to get the last word in. He sighs as he reflects on her words and again feels the pessimism seep into him as he thinks about Simmons. He turns his head on the pillow to face Skye with a contemplative expression.
"So we know that I've upset Jemma in every imaginable way. She's upset in the angry sense, and she's upset in the sad sense, so the question is: what do I do to… un-upset her?"
Skye takes a deep breath and exhales slowly as she keeps her eyes on the ceiling. "Therein lies our problem huh?" She turns to face him thoughtfully and raises an eyebrow in contemplation. "Because Jemma isn't like most girls. Not that either of us really know many girls to compare her to but… I guess in general she's just not like most people."
"She's better." Fitz's words are quiet but Skye is close enough to hear them.
She moves her hand to pat him affectionately on the cheek and gives him a small smile. "Yes, I agree, but that's not exactly what I was getting at when I said she's not like most people. I meant that your apology is going to have to be way bigger and way better than the standard flowers and chocolates."
"Right." Fitz nods his head at her words but quickly turns his head to face the ceiling so she can't see his slight blush.
Note: scrap the flower delivery.
Skye sighs again and rubs her temples with her fingers. "Also… you're apologizing for way worse stuff than forgetting a birthday. You are apologizing for sneaking out of her apartment after sex, stealing from her, breaking into her workplace, destroying all of her research, making her bail you our of jail, and then forcing her to help you through a bout of alcohol poisoning eight hours later."
"Okay well… Technically you're responsible for that last par…"
Skye turns to shoot him a glare and Fitz quickly changes the direction of his comments. "Never mind. Yes we already know that I have a lot to apologize for... So how do we approach the actual apology?"
Skye is silent for a moment as she ruminates his question and Fitz begins to fidget slightly on the bed as he waits for her to share any suggestion that might come to mind. Her fingers tap against her stomach before stilling as she tilts her face in his direction.
"I'm thinking that it needs to be a multi-prong approach. There needs to be different levels of apologies for each terrible, awful, douchey, thing you did."
Fitz exhales at this and nods his head slowly. He agrees completely with what she's said, but Skye's words still haven't given him much indication about what it is he should actually do for these mysteriously vague methods of repenting. "What are you thinking? List all of the things I have to apologize for and then figure out what I should do for each?"
Skye turns to him slowly and a small smile begins to form on her face. She quirks her eyebrow in pleasant surprise and nudges him with her shoulder. "You know Fitz, that's not a bad idea. The bigger the betrayal means the bigger the deserved apology." She begins to speak faster as she gets increasingly excited about their plan of action. "We can start with the smaller stuff, and then each day you can step it up a notch and work your way to the bigger stuff."
He feels his mind begin to whir at Skye's words as he thinks of the possibilities behind her suggestion. "Yeah… Yeah! Like… I know you said not to but… Maybe flowers and chocolates one day, TeaTime pastries another, I could try to make her that sandwich she made me… Or… Oh! I could draw her some stuff maybe? Like a design for some of the side projects she mentioned? I don't know."
He groans and covers his face with his hands in frustration as he listens to himself talk. He can hear how stupid the ideas are, which is why he'd begged Skye to help him in the first place. None of that stuff would ever work on a normal girl, let alone Jemma, and Fitz once again feels overwhelmed by the doubt that is consuming him. "This is hopeless."
"No, no, no! Don't say that Fitz. That stuff is all a good start. And we'll figure out the big stuff as we go along." Skye rolls over and pillows herself on his stomach as she wraps her arms around his middle and gives him a hug. "This is your redemption arc Fitz, it's not going to be easy and it may not even work, but if you're willing to at least put in the effort… maybe you've got a shot."
Fitz sighs again at this and Skye shifts to face him. "There's one more thing that I didn't mention about my lunch with Jemma…"
He tenses at her words and Skye must feel it beneath her because she quickly moves to sit up. "It's nothing you don't already know… She just said that she wasn't ready to see you at present…"
His shoulders sag a bit and he looks forlornly at where his fingers are fiddling against his stomach. Fitz bobs his head at her words, agreeing that it wasn't something he didn't already know, but doesn't actually make a comment about it. Skye hovers above him and gives him an imploring look.
"And I promised her that I'd do everything to make sure you honor that wish. So honor that wish Fitz. Please?"
He doesn't nod or answer and Skye's begging face quickly morphs into a stern one. "Fitz, do not go see Jemma, okay? I'm serious. We both know that you'll say or do something stupid that will completely ruin any progress that our plans could potentially have."
He doesn't meet her eyes when he mumbles, "I won't."
Skye looks at him for a moment and must not believe him because she grabs his arm and gives him a warning look. "I'm serious Fitz. Under no circumstances are you to see Jemma Simmons alone or without my permission. Clear?"
He turns to face her with a sad smile, "Yeah, crystal."
-O-
On Monday afternoon Fitz does exactly what Skye warned him not to do and heads over to Jemma's apartment. He doesn't necessarily intend to walk over to Jemma's. He'd just decided that he was in need of some fresh air and, when he realizes that he just happens to be in the area of her neighborhood, he decides that now is as good a time as any to resume his apology tour.
It takes Fitz a full thirty minutes to work up the courage to knock on Jemma's door. He walks up and down the six fights of stairs four times before he manages to actually stay on Jemma's floor. He paces the hallway for ten minutes before actually stopping at her door, and then waits another five before actually raising his fist and knocking.
Fitz waits with baited breath as he listens for any sign of movement on the other side of the door. After a few agonizing seconds he's about to give up and turn around when he hears the metal of the chain lock grind on the other side of the wooden frame.
In the next moment Jemma is opening the door and glancing up at him with the caramel eyes that never fail to leave him breathless. The second she sees that it's him Jemma inhales sharply and her hand immediately moves to slam the door shut. Fitz knows that he has the shortest of windows to be heard so he follows the path of the closing door and shouts through the opening just as it slams in his face.
"I used to work for SciTech!"
It's silent for a moment as Fitz stares at the wood of the door and he holds his breath hoping that Jemma had heard him. More importantly, if she had heard what he'd said, he hopes that she's now willing to listen to him. He only waits for about three seconds after the door slams in his face before it opens just as quickly and he's met with the sight of Jemma standing in front of him with a look of shock.
"What?!"
Fitz doesn't hesitate to jump at the chance to speak, well aware that Jemma's brief period of astonishment means that her anger with him has momentarily been put on the back burner.
"I worked there for two years. SciTech is the company that stole my designs, blacklisted me and… and I… I was also the one who had done the original GH325 research in the lab before you."
She's silent for a moment and stares at him with her mouth open. He gives her a tentative smile, which quickly causes her face to morph into one of complete passivity. Jemma's look is still more of a glare than anything, but Fitz thinks he sees her begin to waver, as her curiosity seems to officially overtake her displeasure with him. He stands in the hallway, practically vibrating with nerves, and shoves his hands in his pockets as he waits for Jemma to make up her mind about him.
Fitz holds his breath as she opens her door wider and nods her head towards her apartment. He stands still for a moment, not really believing that Jemma's actually inviting him inside considering what happened the last time they were there together, and finally she quirks an eyebrow at him in irritation. "Come in and explain, or go home and leave me the hell alone."
Jemma's tone, and the less than subtle ultimatum, causes Fitz to immediately take a step forward and move past her into the apartment. He hears the door shut behind him and feels Jemma brush past him as she heads towards the living room. She sits down on the couch and when he moves to do the same she levels him with a look that quickly has him switching his course and sitting in the chair that is slightly further away.
They're silent for a moment and Fitz's mouth opens and shuts at least a dozen times before he finally finds the courage to speak. "I… I'm not really sure where to start."
Jemma huffs at this and crosses her arms as her eyes lock onto his in a steely glower. "Starting at the beginning would be preferable."
"Yes. Yes okay… Right." He takes a deep breath, looks at Jemma once to confirm that this is in fact about to happen, and begins to tell her everything that he'd spent the past few weeks hiding from her.
"I was at a tech conference five years ago giving a presentation on one of my designs. After the talk John Garrett approached me and he offered me a position at SciTech as the lead tech-developer. I was only 21! I was young and naïve and excited that someone was interested in my work so I jumped at the opportunity and barely skimmed the contract before signing. Granted, Garrett and SciTech told me that the offer was only on the table for the duration of the conference, so I didn't exactly have a lot of time to run through the pros and cons and process all of the fine print."
He pauses to take a breath and notes the way that Jemma seems to tense at his words. She straightens when she sees him staring and motions for him to continue.
"Right. Anyways, the first year was surprisingly pretty great. I was even less of a people person then as I am now so I was actually pleased when I found out that I'd be sequestered in my own lab to work on my designs. I don't think I could have named three other employees that worked at SciTech at the same time I did because I spent every hour alone in my lab."
Jemma continues to stare at him and the fact that she's still even listening motivates him to keep talking.
"Looking back I realize that it was just another way for SciTech to make sure that… if and when I ever stopped working for them… nobody would really miss me or realize that they'd been taking all of my designs and prototypes and selling them through the company name. But at the time I was just excited to have an entire lab to myself! SciTech made sure I had every resource at my disposal and all I had to do was design things that could be applied in more than one field. It was basically a dream."
Jemma nods her head in agreement but has a faraway look in her eyes that causes Fitz to pause. She isn't looking at him, instead staring ahead with an emptiness that perturbs him. He knows better than to ask her about it though so he tries to get rid of it by continuing to talk.
"Anyways… I spent that first year working on a set of robots designed to extract and analyze various data…"
"The DWARFs?!"
Jemma's voice makes Fitz jump in surprise because there's no anger or irritation behind it. He watches open-mouthed as Jemma scoots over on the couch until she's on the side nearest to him.
"You designed the DWARFs?! I came up with a few adjustments for them and put in an inquiry to the head of the Tech Division requesting to set up a meeting with the scientist who'd designed them! I never got any response and when I couldn't find any of the original schematics, I just gave up and focused my attention elsewhere."
Fitz's face lights up in enthusiasm because he hasn't had someone to talk to about his designs in ages, if ever, and the fact that it's Jemma who's expressing interest in them makes him feel completely buoyant.
"Seriously?! Yeah! I designed them my first year there but was only able to build and test the first betas before I got 'dismissed'."
The smile that had begun to bloom across Jemma's face drops instantly at the word dismissed and Fitz feels his heart sink when she again moves on the couch, this time away from him. She doesn't go as far as where she'd originally been sitting though, so Fitz chooses to take it as a small, miniscule, victory.
"Yes, right. For a moment I got so caught up in your story that I'd forgotten how it ended."
Jemma's face is completely devoid of emotion now but for the brief second it took her to put the façade in place, Fitz glimpses a flicker of pure hurt. Jemma's eyes quickly glance around the apartment, pausing briefly when they flit down the hallway, and Fitz has to swallow the guilt as he realizes what unhappy ending Jemma is actually referring to.
Fitz's gaze lands on where his hands are fiddling in his lap and he waits a few moments to make sure his voice won't crack when he resumes his story.
"Yeah… Yeah it didn't end well. After that first year I started to realize that all of my designs and devices were being appropriated by SciTech and that's when I found out that the contract I'd signed basically gave them the rights to everything. I was upset about it and ended up turning to Melinda May, one of the employees in the legal department, to see if there was any way I could actually get credit and some sort of compensation for my work. When I realized there wasn't, I decided to just slow my pace and started to take about three times as long to get the projects done."
He pauses to take a breath and make sure Jemma's still paying attention before continuing. "After about six months of this the big wigs seemed to catch on to what I was doing and called me in to discuss my "role" at SciTech. At this point they were basically just threatening me with everything under the sun to get me to start picking up the pace. Garrett even came up to me and told me that if I didn't move things along I'd only be hurting the people I care about."
Jemma's eyebrows raise at this before they furrow slightly as she tries to work out what it is he's getting at.
"I didn't… I didn't really understand what he meant by that until Skye caught her then-boyfriend, an employee on the legal team, cheating on her with another SciTech legal employee, Garrett's step-daughter."
Jemma's mouth drops open at this and her eyes widen in shock as she processes his words.
"Obviously umm… Obviously the relationship ended after that. Garrett basically said that my dawdling was the reason for it... I guess when I kept at my slow pace, Garrett decided to set up Ward and Raina and… I don't know how he knew Skye would catch them… but she did. Catch them that is. She was devastated, I've never seen her so upset in my life and all I could think about was the fact that it was my fault."
Jemma looks up sharply at this and Fitz swallows at the sight. He's been carrying around the guilt for the demise of that particular relationship for years and has spent more than one sleepless night wondering what would have happened if he'd just done his damn job. Usually that train of thought is quickly noticed by Skye, who proceeds to remind him that she's head over heels for Trip and has never been in a better relationship.
Still, the thought that SciTech could so easily play God in his life leaves a sour taste in his mouth.
"I… I could have just sucked it up and done the work but instead… Instead I did what I always do and picked the selfish route. If I had just done the work, Skye never would've…"
He takes a deep breath and clenches his hands into fists as he thinks about what he and his best friend now ominously refer to as the Dark Days.
"She left for awhile. Took off in the middle of the night and I didn't see her for almost two months. She'd send me the sporadic email to make sure I knew she was okay but… I don't know. I thought she left because she hated me. Figured she blamed me for being used by Ward and SciTech like that. I certainly blamed myself so I couldn't really fault her for doing the same and leaving but… I dunno."
He sighs again at this and rubs his hand over his face in exhaustion. He chances a glance at Jemma, whose mouth is slightly open and her eyes seem to be swarming with a range of thoughts and emotions. Fitz can see her empathy for Skye written plainly across Jemma's face and once again marvels at her ability to be so inherently kind. He lets his hands fall back into his lap and leans back slightly in his chair as he continues.
"There wasn't much I could do, she didn't have her regular phone on her, so I just deposited all of my work paychecks into her account while she was away, figured SciTech more than owed her. She's never really told me what she did during those two months… always just vaguely says she was visiting some friends. Anyways… one day I just came back to the apartment and she was home."
He looks down at his hands before rubbing his face again and shutting his eyes at the memory of a sobbing Skye curled up in the fetal position on their couch. Fitz had burst into tears the second he'd opened the door and saw her there. His sniveling of course got Skye's attention and caused her to immediately vault over the couch and barrel into his arms with a sob. They'd spent the entire weekend huddled in the living room, eating gallon upon gallon of ice cream and making up for lost time.
"I told her that I'd tried to quit SciTech while she was away…"
Jemma looks up in slight surprise at this and Fitz just nods his head and motions dismissively as though that particular fact wasn't worth anyone's time or interest.
"Yeah, the day after Skye left I tried to quit but was reminded that there was a clear stipulation that I had to complete all of the prototypes I was working on or else I'd basically be sued for whatever monetary amount SciTech had put into them. Total bullshit but those assholes pulled that crap with a colleague a couple of months before so I knew it was more of a fact than a threat."
He pauses briefly to think of the complete internal chaos that had occurred at SciTech when that situation occurred and clenches his fists when he remembers that the public remained none the wiser thanks to the company's crafty legal team. He shakes his head to snap himself out of it before he gets too worked up and quickly launches back in.
"So I was basically forced to stay, put in my time, and do the opposite of what I'd been doing for the past few months. AKA work as hard and fast as possible on all of the designs that had piled up in my queue."
Fitz feels his mouth growing dryer by the second as he tells his story but knows better than to ask for a glass of water. Instead he barrels forward and decides that the faster he talks, the quicker the weight on his shoulders might be lifted.
"I've never worked more hours in my life, went in at 6 and left at 10 just trying to get as much done as quickly as possible. Apparently my diligence was mistaken by the big wigs as a newfound loyalty to SciTech and after a few weeks Garrett, Sitwell, and Pierce called me in for a meeting to discuss a new project that they wanted me to work on. They'd… they'd acquired the GH325 drug, along with the sole testing rights, and felt that I'd be the perfect chump to work on it."
Fitz narrows his eyes slightly at this and blushes immediately at the raised eyebrow that Jemma is directing towards him. He'd briefly forgotten that she was the second perfect chump chosen for the project and internally groans at his slip-up. Fitz coughs once to clear his now raspy throat and continues forward, hoping that Jemma won't call him out for the unintentional dig.
"They essentially said that, if I didn't accomplish anything with the new project, SciTech would see to it that I'd be done working in the engineering field all together, so I agreed to give it a go. I figured it'd be the easiest way to make them happy and get out from under them without issue when my contract was up. They let me do all of the preliminary research and, after reading my findings, they called me in again with a new task. They wanted me to try to figure out if there was any way I could use some of the GH325 properties to stabilize a device that the company had been working on before I was hired…"
"Centipede."
Fitz feels himself grow cold at Jemma's words. He thought he'd done a pretty decent job of making sure that the blueprints to the device were destroyed but… If Jemma knows about Centipede enough to namedrop it so quickly… That means the project has resurfaced. He gapes at her and feels his face go white.
"You… you know about the Centipede Project? Did they try to get you to work on it? Jemma you can't you really can't do it…"
"Fitz…"
"If anyone can make that device work it's you and, Jemma it's dangerous…
"Fitz…"
"It's completely unstable and the GH325 is the catalyst for the whole damn thing! They're going to try to mass produce it which is why I des…"
"FITZ!"
He stops talking, partly because she shouts his name in a manner that makes her sound just like Skye, but mostly because during his rant she'd shifted closer to him again and placed her hand on his knee. He glances down at it in surprise and has to watch in disappointment as Jemma hastily removes it and puts it back in her own lap.
She coughs uncomfortably, glancing away quickly before turning back towards him. "I'm not working on the Centipede Project. Kenneth, one of the lab technicians, had mentioned it in passing and it caught my interest. I asked around but nobody else knew much about it so I just assumed it was an old project that had been dropped and forgotten about before I was hired."
Fitz sighs in relief at this because the last person he'd wish to see get caught up in all of that Centipede nonsense is Jemma. The relief is short-lived however because Jemma continues speaking.
"I'd completely forgotten about it until Sitwell and Pierce brought it up at that lunch meeting you made such a scene at…"
Fitz leaps to his feet at this and stands over her as his face reddens. "Bloody hell Jemma… I'd have made a far bigger scene if I knew the topic of discussion was Centipede."
Jemma shoots him a glare at this but Fits isn't willing to back down on this one. Her eyes narrow when she realizes that he's not going to apologize or retract his statement and she crosses her arms as she pins him with her gaze
"Are you going to let me finish or would you rather just take the opportunity to sneak out of my house again?"
Fitz's mouth snaps shut at this and his cheeks redden. He sinks back into his chair and glowers at her somewhat petulantly. He realizes that in the grand scheme of things, he's not the one who has the right to be acting so cross, but in this moment he takes Jemma's jab and lets himself be affected by it. "Yeah, whatever. Continue."
"Oh thanks so much for the permission." Jemma rolls her eyes and pushes herself against the far armrest of the couch before glaring at him with derision.
"As I was saying… the lunch meeting, though focused primarily on the research I had described in the grant, was also used by Sitwell and Pierce as a means of formally introducing me to the Centipede Project. They'd begun to show me the newest schematics… designed by Seth Dormer, the current head of the tech division… and I got a good look at what it is they were hoping to create. The designs were rather startling in their own right but then I was told that whatever GH325 research I'd conduct would likely be handed off to the tech department to be incorporated into the Centipede devices. Naturally I found it to be rather appalling, and I told them as much. They didn't seem too appreciative of this and told me that I didn't necessarily have a choice in the matter."
Fitz lets his face fall at this because it means that, like him, Jemma would be used as a tool for SciTech's schemes. He's so despondent at the thought that it takes him a full minute to process her next statement.
"But, unlike you, I actually did read my contract before signing with SciTech and, though generally satisfied, I was perturbed by the amount of control they wanted over me and my research. So I decided to make a few tweaks and have my lawyer add something to the paperwork. Apparently SciTech's legal team didn't read the adjustment before signing, because both Pierce and Sitwell seemed rather surprised to discover that the rights to any and all research I conduct at SciTech belongs to me. Meaning that it's all my intellectual property and SciTech needs my approval to incorporate the GH325 research I conducted into any projects other than what had been specified in my grant. They were really quite stupid to overlook that."
Fitz's mouth falls open at Jemma's words. He is left completely and utterly stunned and can't even believe that someone so intelligent actually exists. Not only does she exist, but he's lucky enough to actually know her.
"Oh thank god you complete and utter genius."
Fitz slumps back into his chair and feels the tears begin to prickle at his eyes as he fully processes what it is that Jemma has told him. He must look an absolute wreck because when he glances up again, Jemma's glower is gone and instead there's a look of trepidation on her face. He sniffles once and opens his mouth before snapping it shut. He blinks sluggishly trying to work up the strength to finish his story and steels himself as he opens his mouth again.
"They went behind my back and used my research for unauthorized testing since I didn't have any control over anything I did."
Jemma's mouth falls open again and her eyes are fixed on his face.
"I umm… I was in the lab late, as usual, and I went to grab a snack from the vending machine when I saw the lights on in the testing labs. They… they tried to combine the GH325 serum with the Centipede prototypes but… but neither was ready for any sort of individual testing let alone combined testing."
Fitz can feel himself getting worked up again and takes a second to get control of himself.
"I guess they started with the mice, then the rats, then the cats… They just assumed that the reason it wasn't working was because the formula was designed for larger species. So umm… So by the time I caught wind of it, nearly thirty animals were dead and umm… Henry, the chimp I'd feed during my lunch breaks… he was the last one to be tested on. He umm… he only lasted five minutes. I saw the whole thing start to finish. Couldn't believe it. It umm… it was horrible and I didn't really realize what was going on until I saw all of my research written out on the whiteboards in the lab."
Jemma's face seems to drop with each word he says and Fitz can feel his heart hammering in his chest as he prepares to tell her the rest. "I wigged out. Started screaming at how unethical it all was and… And it didn't make a damn difference. Nobody listened to me, they just told me go home and come back the next day when I'd calmed down. But… But when I did come back the next day… I found a whole bunch of forms that detailed how they were going to proceed with human testing."
Fitz just barely hears Jemma's sharp intake of breath over his hammering heart and can feel the headache that is forming behind his eyes.
"They were beginning the process of finding volunteers, most of them poor saps with long-term illnesses that were desperate to try to find anything that might give them a few more years with their families, and I… I lost it again. I couldn't believe they were trying to move forward with the project after seeing what a failure it was and… and I decided that if they weren't going to use common sense… I'd make sure mine was enough."
Fitz can see the way Jemma's hands are clenched in her lap and has a feeling that she has a pretty good idea where his story is headed. Considering his recent lack of common sense, Fitz is sure that Jemma is more than aware of what kind of decisions he makes when overly emotional in certain situations.
"Ironically, the day Skye came home was the same day I got dismissed from SciTech for destroying whatever I could of the Centipede project. That was before the strict, 'upload all data to the SciTech server,' rule so all I had to do was delete my own files and shred a couple of blueprints. Got caught just as the last one was getting destroyed and was then shredded myself by the legal team. Got fired on the spot, lost the almost zero control I had over my work, and was told that I wouldn't be able to get a job in engineering for the foreseeable future."
Fitz's hands clench at his side and blinks quickly as he feels the rage begin to simmer within him again.
"I didn't really care though. I was so furious, and told them I'd just tell anyone who would listen about all of the unauthorized testing they were doing, and how much of their practices warranted a closer look by the NIH and BCLP. They just laughed in my face and pointed at the big fat NDA I'd signed. I was basically done for. They didn't even let me pack up my stuff, just called Theo and had me escorted out of the building. Took me almost an hour to walk home, I was in such a daze, and when I saw Skye I just… I just broke. She was just another reminder of how much I failed. I was a SciTech puppet that was responsible for who knows how many animal deaths, and more personally I was also responsible for my best friend's misery and…"
"Stop."
Jemma's voice is soft but the word comes out so sharply that Fitz immediately closes his mouth and snaps his gaze to her. Her eyes have the same fire that he's grown accustomed to seeing and he worries for a moment about once again being on the receiving end of her wrath.
"Fitz… That… None of that was your fault. You… You can't blame yourself for what SciTech did, or what they made you do, and you especially can't blame yourself for the fact that Skye's ex is a complete douchebag who had no right being in a relationship with her. That's not on you and… You need to know that."
Jemma is looking at him so earnestly that, for the first time, Fitz actually believes that he may not be as at fault for those past mistakes as he's convinced himself for years. He blinks slowly as he processes her vehemence and becomes lost in a stupor as he takes her in. Her face is serious and all Fitz can do is stare in slight awe at the woman who has finally made him believe that SciTech's actions weren't his fault.
The fleeting moment of relief dissipates almost immediately because something switches in Jemma and she completely ignores Fitz's look of awe as she stands up from the couch to begin angrily pacing across the living room.
"What I don't understand. Is why you couldn't have just told me about your real issues with SciTech. I mean, even all of that wouldn't have been necessary to inform me of. Simply asking me about my work would have begun a natural conversation on the topic. I would have told you in a heartbeat about what was going on with the GH325 if you had just been honest with me Fitz. Instead all you've done since we've met is lie."
Jemma immediately stops moving at this and turns to him in fury.
"Which is what the root of our problem actually is Fitz. Because, while I understand your frustrations and even partially understand why you've gone to such lengths to do everything you can to hurt SciTech… I don't understand why you felt the need to sleep with me, steal my work key, break into my lab, and destroy all of my research. Because all of the above could have been avoided if you'd simply told me the truth."
She has a point and it's one that Fitz has hit himself over the head with nearly every minute since getting caught in the SciTech labs. He stutters out the only excuse he has with a wince.
"I… I signed that NDA…"
Apparently the excuse is just as flimsy to Jemma as it sounds to him because she scoffs in derision and shakes her head at him. "Well apparently it wasn't a rigid enough agreement to prevent you from telling me now…"
"I had May, the ex-legal employee, go over the contract with me to find a loophole…"
"And you didn't think to do that sooner?" Jemma looks at him as though he's a complete idiot and, hearing the points she's making, he's starting to actually feel like one.
"I…"
"You didn't think to maybe find any other way to ruin SciTech? Your only option was to ruin them by ruining me?"
Jemma's voice is raising and it cracks halfway through her sentence, which clues Fitz in pretty quickly to the fact that she's on the verge of breaking.
"No… I…" He tries to explain but she cuts him off immediately.
"You had to spend weeks hating me, then liking me. Screaming in my face, then whispering in my ear. Fucking me and then fucking me over?"
Fitz's eyes widen at her words and he quickly stands from the couch to step closer to her, extending his hand in an attempt to reach out for her. "No Jemma that's not…"
"I got fired Fitz."
Jemma's tone is cold and clinical and is an audible representation of the void that he'd seen in her eyes earlier.
Fitz's arm immediately drops to his side and he stares at her in shock.
This can't be happening.
"You…You… What?!"
Jemma continues on as though he hadn't spoken.
"Or, 'dismissed,' as you and SciTech like to call it. It's 2:20 on a Monday Fitz. I should be at work but am instead sitting with the one person who is entirely responsible for my current state of unemployment."
Fitz feels his throat closing up as he tries to process her words and figure out how things had gone so wrong.
"Wha… what…why…"
"Apparently they'd wanted to dismiss me the second they realized that they wouldn't be able to use the GH325 research in any capacity other than what I authorized. But the contract I signed also stipulated that I couldn't be terminated unless there was clear evidence that me or my control over the project would be a detriment to SciTech."
"But you… you're the most reliable person…"
"Yes well it seems that having your universal-access key stolen during a one night stand, and having it then be used by a disgruntled former employee to break into the restricted labs and destroy millions of dollars worth of research… doesn't exactly bode well in the eyes of corporate. I tried to tell them that I still had…"
Jemma pauses for a moment and stares at him for a few seconds before inhaling sharply and shaking her head.
"It doesn't matter. They didn't let me get a word in edge wise and bluntly stated that the incident was grounds for termination. So here we are."
Her voice is still hard but there are tears in her eyes as she shrugs her shoulders and gestures around the apartment. Fitz feels as though his body is being gradually compressed by a steamroller. Jemma looks at him with such despair and he feels his throat constrict as his own anguish over the situation begins to bubble forth.
"Jemma… I'm so sor…"
"Save it Fitz."
Her fingers move to her temples and she closes her eyes with a sigh. He's not willing to have this conversation end the same way the one in the car had so he keeps trying to get a word in. And a word is all Jemma gives him.
"But…"
"Listen, I realize that you're sorry Fitz, and I believe you. But right now, in this moment, I really don't want to hear it. I feel like every week there's something else that I'm expected to forgive you for and I just don't think I can do it anymore. I'm exhausted Fitz. I've been exhausted for weeks and I'm beginning to realize that it's because of you. You exhaust me."
Her words feel like a punch to the stomach and all Fitz can do is take a step back from her. His eyes roam over her face and he sees the truth of her statement. There are bags under her eyes and her face lacks its usual glow. He thinks back to the Jemma Simmons he crashed into on the street months ago and can barely see her in the one standing before him.
She was right. He had ruined her, destroyed her even, and he wishes that he could go back in time to undo every decision he's made regarding her and SciTech.
"Alright… Yeah that's… I get it." He sticks his hands in his pockets and looks at the floor. "I get it."
They're silent for a few long moments before Jemma moves past him towards the door. She opens it and steps back in silent indication that it's time for Fitz to go. His eyes sting but he nods in resignation and shuffles forward towards the door. He stops just before stepping through it and turns to face Jemma, who is resolutely avoiding his eyes.
"Hey Jemma? I know… I know you don't want to hear this, that me saying anything is basically the opposite of what you just asked me to do, but I… I just need to clear something up."
She doesn't make any indication that she's heard him but she also doesn't push him out so Fitz decides to continue.
"I never… I never intended to leave that morning. That was the best night of my life and when I woke up… all I wanted to do was spend more time with you. But then Mack called and told me I'd missed a SHIELD meeting and I found out about the grant and… and I just… panicked. I thought that I was choosing you over something I'd spent years working towards and… I don't know. I guess I felt like I had to do something drastic to prove to myself that SHIELD and destroying SciTech was still the most important thing in my life."
Fitz watches Jemma grow more and more tense with each word and he spots the previously unshed tears begin to slowly drip down her face. He hates that he's once again making her cry, but he's spent so much time being selfish and decides that this will be his last selfish act where Jemma is concerned. He takes a deep breath and doesn't even attempt to clear his throat before stuttering out the last of his speech.
"But… the truth is Jemma… SciTech and SHIELD haven't been the most important aspects of my life since I ran you over that first day. My self-doubt over everything is no excuse for doing what I did but… It was never about you. None of this was ever about you. The fact of the matter is, you were collateral damage in my fucked up life and I know it's my fault but… I just need you to know that being with you wasn't part of some evil plan. Nothing about you was part of my plan. The truth is… I just… I feel better when you're around. And I spent so much time trying to push you away but… but all it did was make me want to pull you closer."
Jemma sniffles at this but her eyes remain fixed on a point over his shoulder. Fitz knows that the action is beyond overstepping his bounds, but he lifts his hand and brushes the tears from her cheeks. She flinches slightly but doesn't fully recoil as he'd expected her to.
"You said you don't want to hear my apology… but I'm going to send one your way basically every day until you do. So… Jemma Simmons, this is day one. I'm sorry."
His thumb moves across the apple of her cheek one last time before he leans forward and gently places his lips on her forehead. He knows he's really pushing his luck now, likely doing more harm than good, so he quickly steps back and gives her a tremulous look before shoving his hands back in his pockets and walking down the hallway.
He makes it about three steps before he hears her sniffle and a full thirty before he finally hears her door shut behind him.