I wrote one letter to Johnna, just to choose the words I wanted to say. Then, I wrote several letters to Johnna, trying to perfect my penmanship so it did not look like I had zero formal training. Still, when I compared my perfected letter to the notes Johnna sent me, I wondered if she would be able to read what I wrote at all. I grumbled, then carefully folded the parchment into an envelope for Baileywick to seal. I figured both he and Roland would read it, which was fine. The letter contained nothing more than my wish to have her visit and asking for her response.

Finding Baileywick was an adventure which left me wandering the castle fruitlessly. In the end, I decided he would be near at suppertime, whence I would give him the envelope.

I took Michael for a stroll in the garden, hoping I might catch Cedric there, but he was probably working on his backlog in the lab. The day was nice and I did not want to go back inside, so I lifted Michael from the pram and carried him to Mother's grave. There was not much to speak of, but I told Michael that our mother's body was there, and what she looked like, and how excited she was when Roland asked her to marry him.

Then Michael and I sat next to James's grave. Michael waved the old flowers around like a wand and I played with him a while, hiding my face and then moving my hands to surprise him. I was quickly tired of the game, but it seemed Michael could play it for hours. His smile and giggle was infectious.

Eventually, he began to fuss and I was not sure if he was hungry or tired so with him on my hip we headed back to the castle.

The pram was not where I had left it.

I rolled my eyes, already tired of carrying my brother who seemed to grow daily. Taking the shortest route through the gardens, I ran into several guards who immediately surrounded us. One of them said something about taking us to the duke.

Within moments, Roland, Amber, and several servants and more guards were meeting us in front of the castle doors. "Sofia! Where have you been?" Roland demanded. Michael's nurse peeled him from my arms in a rough way and Michael began to shriek.

"We went for a stroll."

"No one knew where either of you were." Roland was angry.

"I told the nurse."

"What did you do to Michael to make him cry so?" Amber asked innocently.

"I did nothing! He did not want to go to the nurse. We merely went for a walk."

Roland dismissed the guards and rounded on me. "The nurse said you were gone a long time and when she went to look for you, she found the pram, empty."

He towered over me but I could not back down. "I took him to see our mother, and James."

"You did what?" His words were clipped and Amber laughed behind him.

"The pram doesn't work in the grass, so I left it on the garden path, and then we walked to the cemetery."

"No more." Roland took my arm a bit roughly and we moved toward Amber, Baileywick and the entrance. "I forbid you to go to the cemetery."

"But why?"

"Quiet!"

Biting my tongue to not say something that would get me in more trouble, I waited until we were in a private sitting room. "You cannot forbid me from visiting my mother's or James's grave."

"Sofia, do not argue with me. It is not safe outside these castle walls."

"For you?"

"For you."

"Because of the king? Because he wants to punish me?"

"What?" Roland asked.

"It is true, Father. Uncle would like her to be punished for her crimes." We turned to see that Amber had snuck inside. "However, Uncle is sure you will not punish your lover. But now… with my baby brother's life in her hands, maybe you will see the situation more clearly?"

"I would never hurt Michael!"

"James died." Amber shrugged at the implication.

I gasped. "How could you-"

"Enough!" Roland roared. "Amber, you will go to your room until supper." He waited until she slipped out the door before he turned back to me.

"Yes, Sofia, you made a mistake when you attacked the prince. Yes, the king wishes he had punished you more thoroughly. And yes, the king does not care for me, so both I and my lands could be under attack at any moment, and that includes anyone I shelter. The cemetery is too far. You will not go there again."

Tears sprang from my eyes. "But-"

"Do not disobey me, Sofia. And you are not to take your brother outside the castle walls again. It would be bad enough to lose one of you, but both of you?"

"Roland-"

"Do not test me, Sofia." He moved to leave but before exiting said, "you too may spend the rest of the afternoon in your room until supper." Then he was gone and I was trying to get my anger and tears under control before passing through the halls to my room.

Supper had been much quieter that evening. Amber was excited that Ian would be joining us the next day, and I had nothing to say to either her or Roland. I had given my letter for Johnna to Baileywick who immediately gave it to Roland who read it and handed it back to the servant, approving. Amber pouted because she knew Jane would not be able to come. Jane had accepted a proposal also and was in the throes of planning her own wedding.

Breakfast the next day was easier to endure as Amber was still in her room and Roland read through some papers at the table. I was used to being ignored; it was a familiar comfort.

I had already dressed for my riding lesson and was a few minutes early to help Kurt with Lissa. She seemed to be responding well to me as I pet her nose. Kurt and Lissa worked with me for a couple hours before we were all exhausted, and I excused myself to the castle after brushing her down.

It was after lunch that Lord Ian arrived. There was a row in the halls, forcing me to peak my head out and I saw servants with luggage and guards. With all the fuss, and nowhere I needed to be for hours, I sneaked away to the laboratory.

Cedric was reading and taking notes while glass jars with varying colored liquids cooked. He did not notice me until I stepped next to his desk, and then he jumped, startled, and we both laughed. Scooting his chair back he pulled me down onto his lap.

"You are late for work today," he teased. "I'll reprimand you this one time, but the next occurrence will have stiffer penalties." Suddenly his face burned red.

Sliding my arm around the back of his neck, I whispered, "I'm not afraid of the penalties." Then seriously I told him Roland said I was not to work in the lab anymore. "A duchess does not work."

"He is right," Cedric agreed though I could see he thought it distasteful.

"I've written to Johnna. And Lord Ian is here now. There was so much luggage it looks like he's moving in for a while."

Cedric shrugged.

"Am I interrupting?"

"No. I was doing some research on amulets similar to yours, trying to see if I can find a pattern for how they work. Just to make sure this one," he put his hand on my chest, above my clothing, but farther down as the amulet could not be seen, "is working correctly."

Cedric began to move his hand away but I stopped him. My mouth was suddenly dry as we looked at each other. How could I tell him that if Roland was taking liberties with me, touching me, holding me, kissing me, that Cedric, the man I actually loved could not?

"Sofia," he said softly. "It's.." I waited for him to find the words and his hand slipped away. "I can't do that to you." He pushed me off his lap and stood up, walking away.

"Do what?"

Cedric spun around. "Do what he does! I won't paw at you like you're some…loose woman. You are more than that!"

"But you tell me to play along? Let him do that?"

"I hate it!"

"Then tell me where to run, which way to go!"

"It's not safe!"

Throwing my hands up in the air I seethed at him. "You say it's not safe for me to be out there, on my own, but what about here? When Roland is holding me, and kissing me and telling me he wants me? You think that is safe?" Cedric's scowl became more pronounced. "He talks about the children we'll have and-"

"Enough!" Cedric shouted at me. His voice was jarring, but not as much as his piercing eyes. I wanted to run out the door but he was in the way.

Then at the same time, we apologized, our eyes not able to meet anymore.

"I should go." Walking around a table I thought I might get to the door without Cedric stopping me but I was wrong.

"Don't fall in love with him, please, Sofia." He lifted my chin so we could see each other's eyes again. "We just need more time. We have a plan."

"But the plan is dependent on so many factors, which could go wrong at any time."

"I'm sure Johnna will come as soon as she can. A couple months at the longest."

"What if-" I sighed. "I should go." He let me walk past him.

"I love you, Sofia."

Pausing, I turned around and stared at him. He was Cedric, the first man I had ever admired, still handsome in a unique way, but I felt troubled. Do I still love him? We had argued and I did not feel as if he understood what I was going through. And if he loved me, would he not do everything possible to be with me?

"Sofia?"

I swallowed. "I love you too, Cedric." That seemed to calm the fear in his eyes though not my stomach. "I just need time to think." With that I hurried out the door, nearly slamming it, and rushed back to my room.